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The Gift

Edward's Storyline, Chapter 1.5

copyright comidacomida 2018

Staring at the Wolf, I felt so many emotions flowing through me. They weren't as strong as what he'd had me experience but they were probably some of the most powerful emotions I'd ever felt, and there were more there than I'd ever experienced at once. In one sense, I admired Treboada; I hated him; I pitied him; I was angry with him; I identified with him; I loved him; I feared him-- I still didn't know what to think. One thing I did know though was that he didn't have to tell me, but he decided that he would... because I asked. "Thank you for telling me about my mom, Treboada."

He nodded briefly. "Yeh welcome, Lad... an' now ah'm at yeh merceh... yeh ken send me away if yeh want if that's what yeh feel yeh gotta do."

I didn't need his permission to kick him to the curb, and I was pretty sure he knew that. However, after giving it a moment's thought, I challenged something he'd said before, forcing him to process MY emotions. "If my mom hadn't been raped then I wouldn't have been born... do you have ANY idea how hard that is to reconcile?"

In the short time I'd known Treboada he didn't seem to be the kind of person who tended to be the vulnerable or meek type so it was a little odd when I saw him shrink in on himself as he shook his head. "Nay, Lad... ah cannae say an' ah donnae know what yeh be goin throo, but what ah ken say is that ah'm heah ta help any way I ken... an' if that's bein heah so you ken yell at me an' tell me how much yeh hate what ah did, then that's what ah'll do. If it means givin' yeh space an' lettin' yeh figger things out then that's what ah'll do. If what yeh need is a spirit who'll--"

I held up a hand to silence him; he'd already talked far more than I'd expected and actually said more than I was able to stand and still be frustrated and angry. To be honest, I really wanted to be angry far more than needed to be. I knew I wouldn't be able to forgive him but, at the same time, it seemed silly to condemn him to the realm of 'bad dog' for all of eternity when I couldn't even resolve my own feelings on the matter. Still, I didn't know where I was supposed to stand on the issue. "Well... it sucks. I mean, if my dad hadn't raped my mom there's no telling how different things would have been for her."

The Wolf spoke quietly, actually managing to provide some insight into that thought. "Well... The' Ancient One telt meh she'd'a died bafore she was twenny."

"And how would he know that?"

Treboada shrugged. "Ah cannae say, boy-o, but when th' snake speaks, yeh best listen."

I shook my head. "I don' tknow what to believe right now... I mean, before yesterday I didn't even know spirits existed, or anything like that, and-- I don't know... it's-- it's just-- spirits drove my mom insane and now she's dead. It's all crazy."

The Wolf simply nodded. "Aye. Life sends yeh fer a loop now an' again. It's what it means t'be alive."

Turning, I began making progress back to my car. "I... I just wonder what life would be like right now if all of this happened differently."

I heard the sound of his claws on the concrete path as he trotted to catch up. "If things'd been different then yeh might not even be heah, lad."

"I know... I know. But maybe my mom would be instead... except... I mean--" I came to a stop again and turned to look at Treboada. "Are you SURE the Ancient One said my mom would've died before she was twenty? How does that even HAPPEN?"

The Wolf shrugged helplessly. "Sorry boy-o... I cannae say. Ah'm not th' Ancient One an' I cannae see how things turn out. All ah ken do is try meh best an' work on doin' what ah ken do t' make a difference."

It was a good point. I let out a breath, sighing, and returned to my car. I stopped before opening the door and motioned for Treboada to get in. I waited until he was seated with me and the door was closed before I spoke again. "You know... through all of this you never told me about my dad."

Treboada leaned back in his seat, eyes gazing toward the car's roof. "Whadda yeh wanna know, lad?"

Shrugging, I started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. "I don't know-- I mean-- just... tell me about him. What was he like? What did he do for a living? What kind of people did he hang out with? I just want to know about him."

The Wolf gazed down at his paws, clenching and relaxing his fingers as he spoke. "Sean was a bonnie lad an' ah thought 'e was gonna 'ave a braw life. That all changed once th' teen yeahs came."

Before I could ask what happened I had to brake for a red light and he continued speaking on his own. "Yeh da didnae do too well in life afteh that, Eddie... 'e got inta drugs an' dropped outta school; 'e stole from 'is family, 'e stole from 'is friends, an' he jumped from job ta job batween goin inta and outta jail. Do yeh really wanna know 'bout 'im?"

His question held a lot more than the request for permission to continue; I could tell the discussion was bothering him. On one level I felt a little justified making him face something unpleasant but, on another level I felt bad by making him discuss a bad memory. "Does it bother you to talk about him?"

Treboada flicked an ear. "Yeh dunnae have any baerns or baes a yeh own yet, lad, so yeh cannae know what it's like seein' someone yeh been around since they been baern destroy emself an' those around em... it's a dark time... a dark, dark time."

I almost wanted to laugh even as I sighed. "What a pair-- you can't understand what it's like balancing your mom getting raped versus you never existing and I don't know what it feels like to have someone I've raised self-destructing."

The Wolf offered up a smile at the thought and, even as I pulled into the driveway to my place he traced a line on the dashboard. "Mebee that's fer th' best, lad-- if both of us knew what both felt like then we'd be a sorreh pair, wouldn't we?"

I turned off the car and got out, but not before agreeing. "Yeah... I guess so."

He emerged from the car without having to bother opening the door and he walked after me. "Listen, Eddie. Ah cannae say fer sure what th' future brings, but what ah ken say is that ah dunnae wanna 'urt yeh, an' ah wanna do what a ken t'make sure yeh dunnae 'ave t' 'urt like yeh been 'urtin' again."

It was an endearing statement, but it also seemed a little over-the-top. I spoke to him as I unlocked my front door. "Why would you promise something like that? Are you trying to make up for--"

The Wolf huffed. "Eddie-- yeh what ah got left. Yeh be what remains a mah tribe-- yeh be Sean's son an', even if ah couldn't stand 'im, yeh be th' one good that came outta 'im livin'. Sean be gone now an' th' world ain't weepin' fer 'is passin'. Fer as long as yeh'll 'ave me then ah'll 'ave yeh too."

A deep, grumbling voice spoke up the moment I opened the door. Medved's rumbling, Russian-accented words were pure frustration. "You have no more of him than we do, Wolf, and no matter your claim to him, he is not yours to claim."

The evening didn't much easier from there, and, once Tom got in on the discussion it only complicated the issue. That didn't even count The Ancient One, who also joined in on the little chat when we got settled inside. I only managed to get to bed at 1am because I told everyone to shut up and leave me alone. Promising to see everyone in the morning, I retreated to my room to get some sleep. It, like the discussion, was also not easy.