FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I couldn't concentrate during Stenning-Brown's class.

The Badger droned on, but only one thought kept occupying my mind;

He has a girlfriend. How the fuck could I have been so stupid, just assuming he was gay like that.

_ _ Hudson and Charlotte kept sneaking me concerned glances. I guess they had come to the same conclusion I had.

I wanted to go outside and breathe in fresh air. The lecture room felt stuffy and warm, which wasn't helping my head which felt as if it was spinning on my shoulders. As it was a small class, they had packed us into one of the smaller room in one of the campus buildings that had been constructed in the seventies. The cloying atmosphere and beige painted walls certainly weren't helping the way I was feeling.

Stenning-Brown didn't seem to notice the heat. The Badger paraded up and down in front of us wearing a thick sweater under a tweed jacket as he gestured at the board and spoke in his nasally voice.

"And that concludes today's lecture," he said after what seems like an age. "We shall reconvene for the seminar in five minutes."

As it was a small class we only had one seminar group and everyone usually stayed in their seats for the break in-between, but I couldn't wait to go outside.

As soon as the words had left the Badger's mouth, I jumped to my hind-paws and made for the door. I could sense Hudson and Charlotte walking quickly behind me.

"Hey dude, wait up!" Hudson called as I pushed through the front door and out into the open.

I stopped on a patch of grass and waited for them to catch me up.

"So, are you going to make a joke about Lachlan?" I asked Hudson.

"No man, not at all, I'm really worried about you," the Jindo panted.

"You seemed really agitated," Charlotte added.

I stood still and tried to catch my breath.

"I'm sorry," I eventually said, trying to force the words out of my muzzle. "I just needed some air."

Hudson and Charlotte nodded but didn't reply as if they were expecting me to say more.

"I just can't believe he has a girlfriend," I sighed.

"Well, we never knew for certain he liked guys," Charlotte said.

I felt a growl force its way out of my mouth. Charlotte's eyes widened and she backed away slightly. A pang of guilt stabbed me in the chest. I knew I was growling out of frustration that Charlotte was right. The same exact thought had been weighing on my mind all throughout the lecture.

"I'm sorry," I said again as my tail drooped. "I wasn't growling at you Charlotte, I just feel frustrated. I mean, the way he looked at me yesterday. Even you two said it seemed like he was interested in me."

"That's true," Hudson piped up. "Perhaps he's bi?"

Charlotte shook her head and gently put a paw on my shoulder.

"Malc," she said softly. "I don't want to be a spoilsport, but we all thought he was good looking, and you were especially into him. We probably all thought we saw what we wanted to see. He was being friendly, nothing more."

Part of me didn't want to accept what Charlotte was saying, part of me felt betrayed by Lachlan, but another grudging part of me knew the Vixen probably had a point.

I let the three sides battle it out in my head, hoping the Charlotte probably has a point thought would win.

Unfortunately, it didn't.

"I just feel a sense of betrayal," I admitted out loud. "I had all these fantasies in my head, and then that grey Vixen lady came along and ruined it."

"Dude, I don't wanna sound mean, but you've only known this guy for what, like two days?" Hudson said. "I can kinda see what you mean, I'd be disappointed if I had a crush on him, which I did, and I've felt this way with guys before. But I mean it's not like you two were actually going out and he cheated on you with that lady or anything. That would be real betrayal."

I knew Hudson had a point too, but I couldn't just let it go that easily.

"Besides, that Vixen didn't come along and ruin everything," Charlotte said, standing beside Hudson. "If that is Lachlan's girlfriend, I hate to say it but they would have known each other for longer than he has known you."

I felt even more frustrated. I knew they were both right, but the way they were standing side by side lecturing me caused my ears to twitch in irritation.

"You'll find someone else," Hudson continued, trying to muster a reassuring tone as Charlotte nodded. "I mean, you're a nice, cute looking Shep."

"Hmm," I replied in a noncommittal tone.

"We'd better head back inside," Charlotte said, glancing at her watch. "The seminar was supposed to start a minute ago."

I dejectedly followed the Jindo and Vixen back through the front door.

"Come to Nancy's gathering," Hudson said as we reached the lecture room door. "Some booze might take ya mind off things."

"Or make me feel more depressed," I muttered as we walked back in to take our seats.

Stenning-Brown was standing by the board with his arms folded.

"Now that we're all here, we can go through the reading," he said in a nasally tone which caused me to wince.

The Badger's demeanour and seminar style was far more serious and deadpan compared to Lachlan's, but the image of the Fox climbing out of the Vixen's car soured the memory.

I grumbled under my breath as the class discussed the reading and avoided taking part.

Hudson and Charlotte continued to fix me the odd concerned glance but I ignored them.

"You sir, at the front?"

I looked up to see Stenning-Brown gazing directly at me.

"Uh, yes," I replied.

"What are your thoughts on the reading?" the Badger asked. "You've been quiet today."

I didn't recall being particularly loud in the last lecture, but I scrambled my brains, trying to think of anything to say.

"I, uh, think the Kruger Telegram was responsible for Britain seeking closer relationships with France, which escalated tension with Germany which led to the run-up to the First World War," I said as the words tumbled from my mouth.

I wasn't even sure I was making any sense, but Stenning-Brown nodded.

"Good, now anyone else?"

I sat in a brooding silence for the rest of the seminar until the end finally came.

Without saying a word, I crammed my laptop and notepad into my backpack and slung it over my shoulders.

Hudson and Charlotte followed me as I walked to the door.

"Malc?" Hudson asked in a concerned tone. "Are you still feeling sad?"

I stopped for a moment and forced a smile on my muzzle.

"Actually, you know what, you guys were right. I've only known Lachlan for two days, he's a professor, not a student, so I should stop being all mopey," I said, mustering all my strength to push the feelings of annoyance away.

Inside, I still felt depressed, but I didn't want to allow it to consume me and risk alienating my friends.

"That's the spirit," Hudson said, raising his fist to bump mine.

I forced a wag from my tail and bumped him back while Charlotte smiled.

"It's good to see you're a little waggier," she commented. "So, what are you guys up to tonight?"

I was about to open my mouth to reply but Hudson got there first.

"There's a gathering at my flat, um, want to come?" he said.

Charlotte paused and considered Hudson's offer.

"I guess I could, but I probably won't stay for too long."

"Awesome, we can head over there now. I've already got some beers in my room," Hudson said, wagging his tail.

I followed the Jindo along the path that led by the carpark with Charlotte in tow. Part of my mind was still fixed on Lachlan, but I tried forcing the thoughts away.

I'm gonna go to this party and make the most of it.

"Hey, you're in a world of your own."

I was jolted from my thoughts and looked up to see Lachlan Ross standing right in front of me. I realised I had almost walked straight into him.

"I, uh," I said, trying to form some kind of coherent sentence.

Lachlan had removed his leather jacket and slung it over one shoulder. The green shirt he was wearing had short sleeves giving me a clear view of his muscular arms. I could also see his toned chest and pecs beneath the thin material of the shirt.

Damn, he is really not like other Foxes. No, wait, snap yourself out of this. Stop gazing at his chest!

Lachlan's handsome amber eyes were looking at me with a mixture of concern and interest.

"I'm sorry, I was miles away," I eventually said, feeling aware of Hudson and Charlotte watching in the background.

"That's quite all right," Lachlan replied with a smile. "And what a nice day it is to be lost in your head," he added with a warm chuckle.

His voice, oh god his voice! No, snap yourself out of this. He's straight.

I responded with a nervous chuckle that probably sounded obviously forced.

"Are you sure everything is all right?" Lachlan asked. "Classes and work aren't getting you down too much are they?"

"No, uh, it's all good," I replied, fixing the Fox the widest smile I could muster.

Lachlan nodded and looked as if he was going to say something else, but he turned and I followed his gaze to see the silver VW Golf pull into the carpark.

"That'll be my ride home, have a good evening," Lachlan smiled as he pulled his jacket on. "Have you got anything fun planned for this weekend?"

"Oh, just a party," I replied, wanting the ground to swallow me up.

"Have fun and don't get too drunk," the Fox replied, fixing me a wink.

With that he turned on his hind-paws and began walking to the car. I stood still, watching him walk off before I heard Hudson clear his throat.

"Woah, that was awkward," the Jindo breathed.

"Let me guess, I was staring at him like I had a crush on him," I sighed.

"Kinda, although this time you looked sad," Hudson explained.

"Great," I muttered. "He probably thinks I'm a right weirdo."

"I don't think so," Hudson shrugged. "If he thought you were weird he wouldn't be friendly with you."

"Fair point," I said quietly.

"When you get over the disappointment, you can just chat to him normally," Charlotte explained. "Now, what time does this party start?"

"I dunno," Hudson admitted. "I was just gonna wait until Nancy messaged me or I heard the sound of drinking and laughing in the kitchen."

We started walking, but I hung slightly behind, trying to gather my thoughts. Hudson and Charlotte were chatting with each other, but I didn't pay attention to what they were talking about.

I remained silent as Hudson used his electronic key to let us into his halls.

"You're still quiet," he observed.

"Yeah, just thinking," I replied neutrally.

"I thought you said you were getting over Lachlan Ross?" Charlotte asked.

"I was, and then bumping into him like that kind of shocked me," I admitted. "He appeared right at the moment I was thinking about him, like it was a sign or something."

"Oh no, a sign!" Hudson said in a dramatic voice as he pushed the button for the lift. "A Fox, standing by a parking lot, what could this mean?"

I responded with an eye-roll while Charlotte replied with her signature half-sigh, half-laugh.

"It means that he's gonna turn gay for you and ditch that Vixen," Hudson teased.

"Oh don't encourage him," Charlotte sighed.

"For fuck sake guys!" I snapped, feeling my ears burn with annoyance.

Hudson and Charlotte stood in silence for a minute until the lift arrived.

"Sorry man, I was being out of line," Hudson said, splaying his ears as we climbed into the lift.

"It's okay," I sighed. "I guess I do just want to move away from all this and enjoy the rest of the year. I should stop reading it as a sign."

"It was a coincidence, nothing more," Charlotte agreed.

"I should have got some booze for the party," I sighed, changing the subject.

"Hey don't worry man, you had me round yours last night," Hudson chuckled.

The lift reached Hudson's floor and we all got out.

"I've never been in here before," Charlotte said, sniffing the air.

"Does it smell good?" Hudson asked with a chuckle.

"It smells of lots of different species, and burnt toast," the Vixen replied.

"Yup, that's student accommodation in a nutshell," Hudson replied as he unlocked the front door to his flat.

We all walked inside and Hudson let us into his dorm. I took my seat on the messy bedcovers while Charlotte perched gingerly next to me. I declined to point out the underwear tangled up in the sheets so as not to freak her out.

"So, who wants a beer?" Hudson asked, retrieving a pack from the top of his wardrobe.

"Yes please, but I'll just have one," Charlotte replied. "I have to cycle home at the end, or at least try to."

"Y'know, while I love pre-drinking, I never got the whole drink beer warm thing in the UK," Hudson said as he opened a bottle for himself.

"It's not drinking it warm, it's at room temperature," I explained.

Hudson was about to reply when Charlotte's phone buzzed. She reached down to check it as Hudson handed me a beer before retrieving a bottle opener off his keyring.

"Here, drown your sorrows, I mean, have fun," he grinned nervously, handing me the opener.

I rolled my eyes as I opened the bottle.

"Hmm, I've got an email to say we've been assigned our personal tutors," Charlotte said, looking at the screen of her phone. "Apparently it's to check that we are settling in properly."

"I wonder who I've got," I mused as I reached into my bag to pull out my laptop.

"Hey, guys this is supposed to be a party," Hudson sighed. "Uni stuff is boring."

"Oh great, I've got Stenning-Brown," Charlotte huffed. "I'm sure that's going to lead to some interesting conversations. Not."

"Aw crap, I hope I don't have him," Hudson said. "Actually, I'm gonna check too. Party is postponed for a minute," he added.

The Jindo put his beer down and swivelled on his chair to grab his computer.

I opened my laptop and searched through the emails, hoping I hadn't got Stenning-Brown either.

My eyes widened when I saw who I'd got instead.

Subject: Personal Tutor

Dear Malcolm,

I'm sorry to say you'll have me as your personal tutor this year!

I'll be holding monthly one to one meetings with you to ensure everything is going well at university.

I'll pencil in our first meeting for this Monday at 1pm. Please let me know if this is a suitable time.

Best wishes,

Lachlan