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Two Days Later

I lay in the hammock thinking about what Akio had said that morning.

'There's something I need to ask you,' he said. 'It's like this. I made my will years ago, leaving everything I have to Kaede and Ayala between them. But if you're agreeable, I want to make a change. There's something I want you to have.'

It was strange, I didn't get any sense of foreboding at the idea of being left something by this man I'd known for just under three weeks. 'What is it?'

'Well, I thought about giving it to you now, but...truth is Todd, I think I need to hold on to it until I go. And don't worry, I'm not sick and I don't think I might be sick. This world isn't getting rid of me yet.'

'It's something of Deke's?' I clocked it. Or at least I thought I had. 'His guitar. The one from the video. You've still got it.'

'The guitar? Oh no. I'm glad you don't play so you don't have to secretly wish I hadn't let go of that one years ago. Deke actually did make a will. He didn't have much, but he left it all to me. I gave the guitar to Colby. When Colby died too I tried to learn myself, but it just wasn't for me. So I gave it to a charity that gives instruments to kids who can't afford them. No, it's not his guitar. Although if you really want to try a longshot, I have quite a few pictures of it, and Deke wrote the serial number down in his diary. I have that. And that's part of what I want you to have. It's a box of stuff that's his. And there's something in it I think you'll like more. I read your website again and one thing struck me. You and your dad are trying to tell the world he was here. Well, I've got the best proof there is of that.'

I thought about it for a moment. 'You've got his birth certificate,' I said. 'He brought it here with him.'

'Told you he was smart. He knew his parents would destroy any trace of him. So he made sure he packed that before he came out to them, because even people who go off the grid sometimes need to come back. I told you not to be so quick to deny your dad photos of him, but I did think, the real official proof that Deke was a person once? I need to keep that. But then I want you to have it.'

Shit. Kaede really had been right about Akio needing to pass Deke on to someone. Almost literally.

'I've got his death certificate too,' Akio said. 'I looked at it again just before I managed to get up the guts to look at the video. Now we've got it on CD and backed up on cloud, I've put the original tape in that box. And the recorder, I've still got that. I don't think it works now, but hey, I caught Deke on it that one time and I can't throw it away.'

'Sure,' I said. 'I'd love to be left all that.'

'I'll get it sorted tomorrow,' Akio said. 'But I can give you these now.' He put the drawings he'd done on the night he'd played me Deke's music in front of me, in a wrapped bundle. 'Take these. It took you to get me to draw them. And don't tell me you can't take them. To be honest they're not even that good. Not by the standards I want to draw Deke and everyone else in. They're just a start. I want to go back to having a gallery. The first thing I want in it is an exhibition about my life with Deke. I'm going to re-do them all, but better. I've even done a few extras you haven't seen yet in there. For the road. Whenever you get back on it. And I'd like you to do something.'

'Name it.'

'Tell your father I want him to come and meet me. If can manage it, I'd like him to come and see that exhibition when I get it open. Perhaps after I've told him a few stories and maybe got a few of his. And maybe I might stand a chance of changing how he feels about wolves. Whatever the story behind that is.'

'I really can't promise,' I said. 'But I promise I'll try.'

Akio looked like he thinking for a moment, then looked at me resolutely. 'Yes, I think this is right. Here.' He gave me an envelope, unsealed. On it was written: Oran Aldrington. By hand. 'If it helps, give him that from me. If you catch him at the wrong time and he throws it or tears it, don't worry. I wrote it on the computer before I did the handwritten version. You can ask me for it again. As many times as it takes. I've left you the option of reading it if you want to. Just seal the envelope when you're done.'

I was thinking about it now, half asleep in the sun where Deke had once been.

'Hey Todd, you asleep?' Colton said.

'No I'm right here,' I said, opening my eyes.

'Hey,' he said, kneeling down. 'Listen, I know you've got this good thing going on with Kio.' He was calling him that now too. 'But I've got a car to take back. I've gotta get back on the road. So look, I've been thinking about it. Do you want to stay here?'

'Stay here?'

'I can drive down to Cali on my own if I need to. When you need to come home, you can call me and I'll sort out paying for your bus ticket. Or maybe you'll let Akio do it. I'm starting to think there's nothing that guy wouldn't do for you.'

'You want to go to Cali without me?'

'Course I don't,' Colton said. 'Shit no, I do want you to come. But...well, maybe somebody here needs you more than I do right now.'

I rolled over, so I could see through the living room window where Akio and Kaede were laughing about something. He was holding a sketch pad, and she was sitting on the couch opposite.

For a moment I thought about it. I looked at Colton, and I loved him. He had this big soft, generous look on his face, and I knew all I had to do was say the word and he'd give me a hug, leave me with Akio, and get back on the road alone. For hundreds of miles.

'Kio'll be fine,' I said. 'I don't think he needs me here anymore. I reckon he'll actually be glad when we go. You're eating him and smoking him out of house and home, and I'm...I'm Deke in Blue. Too much past for an old guy's not a good thing. And if I stay here any longer, what if I don't come back? I can sing, right? This is the whole land of that. What if I end up falling in love with Deke's story and I follow, somehow? That's not me right now. I think I need to get out of here before it becomes me and we never try our life in New York. Kio's already told me it's a perfect idea.'

Colton put a hand on the side of my chest. 'You sure?'

'It's time to go,' I said. 'Let's go see Trick and Dolphin. We need at least one completely different story to tell about this trip than just me getting obsessed with Deke all the time. And anyway, I'm curious. There's something about that Playfur issue.'

Colton gave a fake sigh, and a grin. 'Did you get come on it already?'

'Oceans. But really, it's had me thinking. Trick on his own in that centre fold without Dolphin? I wonder what Dolphin felt like about that. I've heard about how it works. They take loads of shots at these things and then they pick the best one. What if there was one of them together and then they picked the one of Trick on his own? I looked at it and it was like Trick was always someone else's on the TV, or Dolphin's. And it's like Playfur set that pic up to make me feel like this time he was all mine. He was the favourite. So what happens when two people who work like they're one get separated?'

I expected: 'Flick your off-switch, raccoon. Too much thinking.' Instead: 'You know, it's weird. I know I've gotta get that car back, but you know what they've texted me lately?'

'What?'

'Nothing. Brothers too busy fighting or pretending they've got nothing to fight about? Forgetting they lent a Shelby Mustang to an edgy fox and his jockcoon boyfriend? Yeah, I can almost see it. Trick though, man that centre fold. I think we'd better make a pre-trip pact. If you need to, if it's on offer, do not think about me. Just do it and don't waste it. Can I have the same in return? I'll get tested again for you if you need it.'

'It's fine, Colton. Because it's not going to happen. The last thing Trick needs is to get laid. He probably just got us on his radar because he wants friends who don't think about sex. But if Trick gives you a line like I bet I can burn your hypersexuality out of you in one good session then fine. Permission granted. Because if you leave me for him and stay in Cali then good luck not ending up like Deke.'

'Ouch!Fuck, raccoon, that's a me line!' Colton laughed. 'How long you been saving that up for?'

'About a fortnight. Did I time it right?'

'Yeah, I liked it.' Colton grinned. 'And I'll tell you something else.' He put both hands on my chest and his grin became wicked. 'I know you're enjoying the history of it and all, but I'm really hot for the idea of doing you in Deke's hammock. Right now. I think I'm wet already just thinking about it. And feel that.' He took one of my hands and put it on his heart. 'Like the fox's engine right now?'

I did. It drove me wild within seconds. We both did Deke's hammock a proud homage. We howled like wolves. I heard someone next door give a disgusted huff and then go 'Eeeeuuugh!' We looked around, still panting, and Kaede was there giving us the thumbs up. We both laughed so much.

Especially after the hammock broke, tipping us both onto the ground, where we lay looking up into the trees.

* * *

'Sure you've got everything?' Akio said, standing with us on the drive after we'd loaded the car. 'Got the drawings? Got the little supply I gave you for the road?' He was looking at Colton when he said that one.

'Not while you're driving,' I said.

'Muuuuum!' Colton said. He shook hands with Akio. 'It was good knowing you, man.'

'Good knowing me? What am I, dead? You two are coming back. I'm going to nag you until you do. You can come to the grand opening when I do it.'

Our parting gift to him was that we'd posed for photographs, so he could draw us more easily as part of the story. We'd even done some with us in our pants sitting on each other, and a few completely naked, although I made Akio promise that if he was serious about including a picture like that of us then he'd have to wait until after Dad had seen it. Because I was determined to get him to come here, even though I hadn't read the letter yet. I still wasn't sure if I should. I shook hands with him too.

'You two have fun with those California surfin' otters,' Akio said. 'Stay safe.'

I opened the car door to get in, then stopped, then got a moment I thought only existed in movies. I ran back up the drive and gave Akio the biggest hug I thought I'd ever given anyone. It even surprised him.

'Oh hey,' he said, his hand on the back of my head and the other arm around my back. 'Now don't you start me off. We'll be in touch all the time. Don't you go missing an old man like me too much. You get out there and enjoy your life, you hear me?'

'You're an awesome old man, Kio. And don't you forget it. And if Deke's watching this he'll be so happy.'

'Yeah, I know. Now go on, get out of here. I've got drawing to do. I think I'll start with you.'

As we pulled away, I looked back as he waved until I could no longer see him down the street.

* * *

Colton had driven us to the freeway before I snapped myself out of reverie, trying to imagine what Akio's gallery was going to look like. I started searching through my Spotify list and plugged my phone into the console.

'Whatcha putting on?' Colton said.

I'd looked up the song Deke had played for Akio before the proposal.

'Jim Croce?' Colton said. 'Aaaaah shit raccoon, could you at least have the decency to plug my ears with wax and let me know when you're done with that shit?'

'I only want one song, fox pants.'

Colton shuddered. 'I'm never gonna get you to stop calling me that, am I? Goddamn Kio.'

'Hey, watch it! And you loved it enough when I was taking off your pants.' I played the song.

'Yeah okay, I'll hand it to him, he had one good song.' Colton said. 'Seeing as Kio got you into that whole era, did he try you on the Rolling Stones?'

'Who?'

'Are you fucking kidding me "Who?"'

'Course I am. Bridges of Babylon?'

'Now you're talking.' Colton lit a cigarette and opened the window as we settled at a steady 50 and California already seemed near.

Halfway through 'Already Over Me' I got the letter out and opened it.

To Oran,

If I'd only introduced myself thirty years ago, I wonder if some things might have been different. I'm writing this because I know it isn't too late.

I'm sorry you went through grieving for your brother alone. After reading on your website about how everyone else erased all trace of him and denied he'd ever existed, I can't imagine how painful it must have been going through that. I don't blame you for never telling your wife and children about him because you wanted to forget him. I went through a similar patch myself, when it all felt like too much to bear.

I'm glad you defied your family and came to San Francisco to be there when Deke passed. I want you to know that although I felt like it should have been me holding his hand, it's better that it was you. Deke and I had already made our peace. I hope that even though he was barely there, you found some with him too. Perhaps it should have been both of us there. If I had reached out a hand earlier, perhaps you wouldn't have been so alone.

I know you don't care for my lifestyle, or that Deke had a wolf for a partner, or that I'm a wolf at all, but I think it's like those natural disasters where people come together to look out for each others lives, regardless of what they'd normally feel about each other. I might not be able to change how you feel about me at all, but I'm hoping that deep down you know one thing: I'm perhaps the last person alive who can connect you with your brother's story in the depth Deke deserves. So my invitation for you to come and meet me is always open, if you want to answer it.

You have the most amazing son and you have even more reasons than before to be proud of him. Todd being brave enough to come here gave me three of the best weeks of my life, revising Deke's story with him and telling him about what was important, and why. I never imagined I'd be able to do that with someone actually related to him. Todd and I visited Deke's grave and sang his favourite song together. When Todd told me you used to play it a lot, I knew I had to write this letter.

Don't worry if you're angry at Deke for a lot of things. So am I. I've stood there at his grave and told him that so many times. But I still played his song all the time, just like you did. I know we both wish he was still here. I celebrate his life every day in all sorts of ways, often without knowing I'm doing it. Sometimes it's just a thought, sometimes its something big like painting a picture. I've given Todd copies of just about every photo I have of Deke, and one video. Todd can help you decide which parts of the collection you're comfortable seeing. Todd will probably have told you by now, I want to tell this story in a gallery exhibition, and I'd like you to come and see it. Todd told me you almost certainly wouldn't want a picture of yourself in it, but if you feel you can make that jump as part of the journey you're on in coming to terms with certain things, then please do tell me.

'Oh Kio,' I said, shaking my head. 'Really.'

'You reading that letter?' Colton said, looking over.

'Watch the road,' I said.

If Deke were still here, I think we'd have known each other long ago. I've no doubt I'd still be with him, and I like to think that certain differences might have been worked out. I think it would have been as difficult for him to do that as it is for you, but everything you've written on your website and how you worked things out with Todd has convinced me you're a decent person who's prepared to do this sort of thing for family. I'm not asking you to consider me a member of your family, just to remember that that's how Deke thought of me. I often say I'm angry that he wasted his life, but I know that at least him being here gave me joy and happiness in the short time we had together.

The truth is, Oran, that I'm a little jealous. You had eighteen whole years together with him! Yes, you were his brother and not his partner, but here's why I'm bringing this up: Deke never told me anything about all those years. He told me where someone came from didn't matter, only where they were going. He was wrong. I still wish I'd told him so.

In the same way you said you were missing a year of his life on your website, I feel like I'm missing a good chunk of his life myself. I'd like to get together and celebrate him with you, because as I write this I realise I'm probably wrong about what I said earlier. There's one person who can give more to his story than me, and that's you. I would be eternally grateful to you if you'd give me some of what I'm missing so my celebration of his life feels more complete.

Sincerely, Akio Nakamura.

I folded the letter, then put it back in its envelope and sealed it, before Colton could ask me to read it to him. Surprisingly enough, he didn't. I sat there and listened to him singing along with 'Might as well get Juiced' like he wanted nothing better than to be parked up already and tanking up on Long Island, and I thought about the songs we all sang because they somehow fitted into our lives in a way the original artist would never know about, and I smiled and watched the scenery go by.

'Hey,' Colton said. 'You looked at the drawings yet?'

'No,' I said. 'Why?' Except I knew why. I remembered Akio said he'd done some extra ones, for the road. I opened them and went through slowly, already missing the smell of his front room and the feel of that leather couch and the breeze in my fur as he drew me in my pants or....

The first new picture Akio had drawn of me was me sitting in a passenger seat, just like now, except I looked like I was smoking a cigarette. Its wasn't though. It was the stick of a lollypop.

'Oh shit,' I said, feeling a tingle up my spine, and a sense of dread combined with a sense of great longing and quivering anticipation. 'Colton, he didn't.' I already knew Akio had. And that Colton had surely been the one who'd encouraged him, probably playing the 'I remind you of Deke' card for all it was worth, if that's what it had taken. I certainly knew it when I turned to the next picture, and certain details were all but perfect.

'He got your mom from your website,' Colton said, grinning and half purring already. 'I had to tell him what Comfrey looked like.'

She looked perfect in Akio's picture, looking at me in my pants and my mother, with her hands on my shoulders. In the next one one, where she had her stethoscope over my heart, Akio had saved me an exaggerated picture and just given me a slightly suggestive bulge, and my flattened ears. He'd captured that perfectly too. He'd drawn me with my back facing my mum and with me looking like I was just starting to breathe in. In the next picture, Dr Comfrey showed my mother my bare pads while she examined them. Colton was taking deep breaths himself now and kept looking across at me at the picture of my paw inspection.

'Watch the road, fox.' I teased him with a claw over his head and down the back of his neck.

Too bad, Akio hadn't drawn Comfrey with her balls in my hands, just me sitting on the edge of the bed in my pants and Comfrey looking like she was giving me a pass. Underneath Akio had written: For Todd. The strangest thing about you is often your greatest asset.

There was one more after that, of me back in my clothes. Akio had even remembered the detail about how I'd put my hoody on without bothering with the t-shirt. I was sitting and drinking coffee at a Starbucks table with my mum. Underneath it Akio had written "Anyone special?"

'This was your idea, wasn't it?' I said. 'You fantastic fox.'

'He said to tell you he promised he wouldn't re-draw them for the gallery. Not unless you let him, but no pressure. And if you don't like them then just please don't chuck them. They're the hottest thing I've ever seen on paper.'

'I love them,' I said, shaking my head, getting a feeling so intense it was like I'd gone back two years to that day. 'Think you can hold onto that itch until we get to a motel? Or until you're too tired to drive and we just park up on the roadside?'

'Yeah. I think I can wait.'

Just as well, because the itch subsided as I turned the page, to find that Akio had drawn one last picture. He'd drawn Deke older than he'd lived to be again, but this time he wasn't sitting next to Akio. He was next to me. He was holding a guitar. We were both laughing about something.

Sorry, Akio had written. I just couldn't help myself. Imagining alternative lives is the closest we ever get to living them. Maybe when we need him most, Deke will be there for us both.

I put the other pictures away, leaving that one and placing it between the gearstick, and the console. Colton looked at it, and his eyes widened, and he smiled and lit another cigarette, and it felt like California was just over the horizon for both of us, and that this summer was a great road to some sort of meaning that we'd both grab hold of and hopefully cling on to forever.

Afterword from the author

Some of this story in incredibly hot. Some of it is incredibly sad. I never thought I'd ever write such a combination, or that I'd do it with furs either.

I think I finally decided I might as well call myself a furry when I found that writing fetish-sketches with furs actually added a level of kink to it that I'd never really imagined. The story of Todd's quirk is based on a small amount of truth, a fair bit of fiction and exaggeration, and the idea that Akio finally spelled out in the epilogue: the oddest things about us are often invaluable, for many reasons that most people never know. But the special ones sometimes do.

And that your mum is often the coolest person you know without even being 'cool' by definition, because she always gets the things that matter. Just when you think your she's the biggest pain in your life as a teenager, you realise (either then or later on) that she actually does know a fair more about life than you realise. Especially yours. And she'll always 'get it.' My mother is nothing like Joanne Aldrington, except for perhaps in that regard. If she ever found this story, none of it would surprise her...even if the embarrassment for me would probably be similar to what Todd got, even though really it shouldn't be.

I was originally going to publish a revised version of my early sketch as a 4000 word teaser and call it 'Todd's Check-up,' and then I realised that sounded more like the kind of furry cartoon book some doctor might have drawn as an aid of sorts to reassure kids. (I think we can all remember that sort of stuff.) And let's face it, that's not what I was going for! So I wondered what else I could do with it. When I got the idea that maybe Deke's downfall was that he had a phobia of doctors, as if to contrast with Todd's likings, I realised I could thematically tie it in with Todd and Colton meeting Akio. All I had to do was make Colton win that bet I set up way back in Todd's Senior Prom while on the road.

I only hope the story didn't get weighed down too much in the tear-jerking stuff or the soundtrack (which I admit was a joy to research, going though my records and Spotify combined and to listening to the same bands as I wrote it all, going for the 70's post-woodstock vibe) and had a good balance of life affirmation. I certainly left each writing session with that great feeling of life seeming just that little bit better because I was getting all this down. I guess that in more than one sense of it, there's nothing like your own heart to remind you you're still alive. Especially not when you feel like you're putting it onto the page and there are people out there waiting to read more. So thank you all for reading this, and hope you'll join me again when Todd and Colton pull in at Cali and get some surf boards out!

-A.R, June 2018.

Oh, and PS, I might as well tell you guys you can now buy me a cup of coffee if you're feeling generous:

https://www.ko-fi.com/athleteraccoon

I actually DO drink quite a lot of coffee. And I've also set up a website/blog under my fursona, with extra little insights, that will eventually become a landing page if I go with my plan of making these stories into self-published books:

theraccoonspen.wordpress.com

Pay me a visit sometime. I'm also on Twitter under the same username. Just as usual: if you know who I am outside of the furry world, don't mix the two!