FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Ralph hated getting coffee at the office cafeteria. The company's open office plan meant that even the parts of the campus walled off for junior employees were encased in glass so you were visible to anyone who happened to be walking by. Like your boss, for instance, who would almost certainly wonder why you were standing in line when your shift started in just five minutes.

He knew he was going to be late to his desk, but that couldn't be helped at this point. It was either risk the disapproval of his manager or stand up Sam again -- and since Sam had a line on a position opening up in just a few days that might mean a way out of his own stalled career, the risk was worth the potential reward.

The snow leopard had been with AccuraTech for three years now, and all he had to show for it was a height of eight feet and a well-appointed apartment on campus. Sam had joined the company only 18 months ago and he was already three times that height with more on the way during the next bonus round. Ralph didn't understand how someone could goof off as much as Sam did and still climb the corporate ladder farther and faster than he did, though he had an idea why it went down the way it did. The game really wasn't fair. You could work your tail off, meet every deadline, go above and beyond with every project...but if you didn't go to the department mixer you were just given the basic performance compensation every quarter.

The gargantuan bulk of a thirty-foot-tall elephant -- Mr. Ebsen, he thought -- rumbled to the waiting area for his drink and Ralph stepped forward. It took a moment for the floor tile to register the ID band on his wrist; when it did, the tile rose until he was head and hips over the enormous counter.

The barista was a perky lioness, all sharp-toothed smile and accentuated bust. She leaned her elbows on the counter and still loomed over him at roughly twenty feet tall. "Hey there, cutie. What'll it be?"

Ralph tried to ignore the way her tail lashed. He didn't have time to flirt -- just time to get an update from Sam and be on his way. "Morning," he mumbled without much enthusiasm. "I'll have--"

"He'll have the apple ginger muffin with a chai latte, size 3. Add a golden tumeric latte to that order with a triple shot of espresso, size 8, and put it on my corporate card."

The lioness rose to her full height and stared up at the giant behind Ralph. "Yes, sir, Mr. Warner. Your order's coming up!"

Before Ralph could turn around, an enormous black paw wrapped around his middle and lifted him off the platform. He had to resist the urge to thrash -- it wouldn't do much to preserve what little dignity he had among his coworkers -- but he couldn't hold back from lashing his tail. The cat's ears flattened as he was pressed against the giant's ample, soft middle and carried to the order retrieval station like a doll.

"Awww, you're so cute before you've had your coffee." The huge red panda rumbled in amusement against him.

"It's nice to see you too, Sam."

The wah set him down and gave him a friendly (and knee-buckling) pat on the head. The gigantic striped tail, longer than Ralph was tall, swayed lazily behind him. "Sorry I was late getting here; ran into one of the VPs on the way over."

The annoyance Ralph felt all but evaporated. If the Chief Executives were the closest thing there were to gods, then a Vice-President would be a certified demigod. "No."

Sam grinned, crossing tree-thick arms over the trunk of his chest. "Yes! You know Harvin, right? The VP of Animal Resources?"

Ralph's mind cast about for the face to match the name, and after a moment it came to him -- Percival J. Harvin III, one of the smallest VPs at AccuraTech but also presumed next rabbit in line for the COO position. Rumor had it that he was really nice as far as the executives went, but he had a bit of a thing for smaller predators. And, since he was around 300 feet tall, that included a good 95% of the predators at the company.

He had heard Servei, one of his fellow programmers, hooked up with him after the last company mixer and that was why he had been placed on extended medical leave. But chances were the tiger would get a fairly significant size bonus at the end of the quarter, so maybe it balanced out. Ralph wasn't inclined to find out directly, though.

"OK, yeah, and you're still intact?" Ralph scanned over Sam's ursine bulk, looking for patches of bare skin or at least rumpled clothing.

The wah rolled his eyes and snorted. "Don't tell me you believe all that mindless gossip going around about him, too. He's not like that. He's actually really friendly."

"In public, you mean," Ralph couldn't stop himself from commenting.

"Look, do you want to hear what happened or not?"

Ralph quirked a grin. "Now look who's cute before they've had their coffee. By all means, continue."

"Well, he told me he was putting together an inter-departmental team for a special project and that I'd be a perfect fit for it! He said 'I need a coder who also has good soft skills and I've heard great things about you'. Can you believe that?" Sam was practically bouncing on his toes. The floor beneath Ralph trembled resonantly.

"Yeah, I could believe it," Ralph said flatly. The game wasn't fair.

"Oh, don't be like that." Sam's tail thumped against the side of the order retrieval station. Ralph tried not to imagine what it would like to be hit with it. "You know I put in a good word for you."

Ralph's ears lifted. "You did?"

"Of course I did! You're my best friend, dude. You got me this job and it's like, the best thing that ever happened to me! I'm not going to leave you hanging."

"Apple ginger muffin, warm! Cinnamon latte, size 3! Tumeric latte, size 8!" The barista roared out the order, and Sam turned to the station.

This brought Ralph up short. Sam was a natural at this social politicking thing, and it showed. He knew which coworkers to suck up to, which colleagues to throw under the bus, how to wait until just the right time to complete a project so he'd look better. He was a great software engineer, for sure, but he also had the sociopathic selfish streak that all truly great corporate lifers needed in order to thrive. It shocked Ralph to see it in him, and as the months streaked by the distance between them grew wider and wider. It was clear Sam was in another league, not just in size but in their career, and Ralph was sure the day would come where the red panda would betray him for his own gain.

But maybe he was wrong about that. Maybe Sam was...well, still an asshole, but a loyal one. Maybe he did have a friend who could give him a leg up after all.

The thought stilled Ralph's tail and made him smile. Then he watched as Sam took a sip of his latte, complimented the barista in a way that Ralph could scent her pheromones from where he stood, and gingerly picked up the muffin bag and much smaller latte between two claws. The red panda made a show of being slow and careful, squatting down until the snow leopard could reach it.

"There you go, little guy," Sam beamed.

Ralph couldn't tell if he was flushing from embarrassment or anger. "Thanks. Jerk."

"Heh, don't...oh shit." Sam's expression changed as he looked up and behind Ralph.

"What--?" Ralph felt the tremors through his bare paws, rhythmic and distinct. He turned around, knowing that something (someone) big was coming.

AccuraTech had a sprawling campus that took up miles of the city, and this cafe was the closest to the Executive Quarter. It wasn't uncommon to see a VP or Chief Officer rumbling along in the distance, dwarfing all but the largest structures as they made their way to their suites. It was, however, quite uncommon to see one of them barreling straight towards the cafe.

"I'm on break," the barista said as she untied her apron and ducked out of the employee's entrance. Most of the other workers, junior employees anywhere from six to sixty feet tall, quickly gathered up their things as they suddenly decided it was time to start the work day. Ralph thought they were on to something.

"We should go," he said, and tugged at one leg of Sam's trousers.

"No way, are you kidding? I've got to see what happens." The red panda's tonnage remained firmly planted. His disarmingly cute muzzle tilted towards the transparent ceiling of the cafe as he watched the colossus stride ever closer.

Ralph stared out at the approaching figure. It was Paul Brackman, the personal assistant of the CEO. The meerkat was enormous, some 512 feet tall according to his company bio -- about the same size as some of the larger VPs. It was one thing to hear the number and know that it meant he was a big deal, but it was another thing entirely to see it up close.

The cafe shuddered more violently with each approaching step. Paul grew with astonishing speed as he walked closer, with visible clouds of earth and grass swirling away from his paws with every impact. In only seconds, his shadow fell over the cafe. The tables and booths -- bolted securely in place -- rattled and complained. Ralph's heart hammered inside his throat.

The shadow deepened. Paul towered over the cafe and he wasn't even close yet -- but he was only two or three steps away. Another step and the swaying lights overhead flickered. Another, and debris crashed against the reinforced glass, which made an alarming sound. Another, and the view of the campus was replaced with a distressingly close view of the meerkat's claws, sharp and curved and each as long as a bus. Three immense toes sank deep into the dirt, but Ralph still had to look up just to see the ankle above it.

Sam had reached blindly down for Ralph, grazing the side of the snow leopard's head with his thick knuckles. Ralph rowled in annoyance and stepped to the side, then realized that far overhead, Paul's dark brown eyes were trained on him.

The looming face over the cafe dropped closer until it filled the space from wall to wall. Paul's knees bent to either side of the structure; if he knelt, he would effectively have the place surrounded.

"Ralph Blanc, software engineer? I was told I could find you here." The voice thundered through the building, shaking everything to the point that Ralph's vision blurred.

He was dumbfounded. What in the world would Paul Brackman want with him? He stared until he felt Sam's hand nudge his shoulder. Then he walked over to the cafe's speaker system, tapping his wrist ID against the display to activate it.

"Y...yes. That's me."

There was a pause as Paul glanced at his own wrist ID. It must have verified his identity, because the sky-filling face above them nodded. "Good. You are to report to the office of the CEO immediately. Amare would like to have a word with you."

"Um...uh...what?"

"Dude! Don't blow this!" Sam hissed behind him.

Eyes that looked larger than his apartment rolled above him. "You're being summoned by Amare for a private meeting, Blanc. You have 30 minutes to get to the Executive Suite."

Paul spoke louder, more slowly. It only served to rattle Ralph even more. Before the snow leopard could respond, the meerkat abruptly stood, turned on his heel, and strode away. The rather severe earthquake this caused threw Ralph off his feet and even made Sam stumble.

The pair watched the meerkat shrink into the distance, less-destructive earthquakes marking every step. Ralph felt light-headed, as if he had been holding his breath the entire time.

"What...what just happened?" he said, holding his head.

"I can't believe you, dude." Sam plucked Ralph by the scruff of his neck and lifted him to eye level. "Amare, our CEO, wants to see you. Right now. So get it together and go!"

Ralph was dropped on his tail roughly. He looked up at Sam to complain, but the expression on the wah's face shut him up. He grabbed what was left of his latte and rushed out the door.