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You know, in a world that can give birth to infinite possibilities, it will never cease to surprise me how often you can find yourself in a cycle, repeating over and over again so many things in your life; even if for what they mean to you now, they were considered bad for you at one point in time or another. That, not to put too fine a point on it, is a absurdly accurate statement of who I consider Ty Abrams to be to me.

There in my home as I lay sprawled out across my couch my mind waxed and waned between conscious and not, and couldn't help but let Ty's presence in my place affect my thoughts as I dreamt back right then on a history I would sooner rather forget if I could, but knew all too well -after years of experience- I was never very good at doing.

You see, coincidentally enough, only some months after first we broke it off between us and stopped seeing each other, I had thought to myself ironically afterwards "How is it I see Ty more often than I have ever before?"

What had happened, unbelievably enough -although I still argue was intentional on his part- was after quitting his security job at the hospital, for an unexplained reason I never truly looked into, the Snow Leopard found himself moonlighting as the lifeguard at the only pool in the city where I happened to go to there on Addlelark's college campus.

Truth be told, It was always such a demanding tease to see him there, flaunting his amazing physique -like I wouldn't dare to steal a glance; what am I stupid?- as he sat atop his throne-like watchtower, responsibly watching out over a sea of people, even though I'd always catch him staring down at me more often than he'd even admit to this day. It was flattering, if I'm being honest, but overall unappreciated seeing as how at this point in time this always prevented me from including Daniel in this, my favorite past time, out of fear he'd do something to Ty given the opportunity; or vice versa.

However, as I grew sick of fighting against whatever gifts any Gods wanted to bless me with, I instead in the long run choose the high road, deciding I wanted Ty to be in my life; damn the consequences.

What ultimately would seal this conclusion for me was when Ty came down by the water's edge one day, after I had just finished a few laps through the heated Olympic sized pools training course as he sat there wading his feet in the water, waiting until I would emerge from under the surface that cold, winter afternoon...

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With a whistle and a whoot hanging in the air I found myself embarrassedly emerging from the pool, letting myself drip dry on the tile work nearest by as I stared at the snow leopard with confusion, coupled with a little hint of irritation in my voice as I asked the question "What are you doing here Ty?"

"What? Can't cheer for a friend on his best personal time?" He said as he looked backwards over his shoulder at me with a smile, to which I quickly turned myself away from him after realizing his eye level was perfectly on par with my junk, the total sum of which he could easily see the outline of given that I was only wearing a very form fitting Speedo for practicing runs and trials like this.

"That was not what I meant and you know that!"I growled in a livid and excited tone as I bent down to meet his gaze. "And hey, eyes up here buddy!"

"Oh calm down, it was just time for my shift change, and I had some free time on my hands okay. Well that and lately I've been wanting to come talk to you anyway. It's been awhile. Kind of was starting to forget what it was like to be yelled at by you." The snow leopard chuckled as he leaned back, placing a footpaw against the edge of the pool as his chest muscles visibly tightened in the new pose; much to my visual delight. "And what the hell does that mean 'eyes up here?' It's not like I haven't seen it before, and came almost pretty close to sucking off the damn thing clean in that elevator you know!"

"You say something kitty!?" My irritation instantly grew at his casual ways as I balled up my fist at first, but let it go as I thought about how Daniel had been trying to keep me from being so physically expressive with my anger.

"Huh, no, it was nothing, forget I said anything. Anyway, let me say congrats! That's was a competition worthy run wolf guy, for real. And I should know. Seen a couple of those romps in my former glory days."

"Bet that's not the only glory's you've seen in your wealth of experience huh?" I smirked as I tried my hand at another of Daniel's acumen he'd been trying so hard to teach me of late; comebacks.

"That's funny Charlie. True, even accurate to within the last ten minutes, but funny, let me tell you..."

"You're disgusting."

"Oh you love it. Hell, you crave it. I'd dare say I'm a refreshing break in a world where you choose to spend all your spare time with a dog who can't probably even doggie paddle, or at the least, not like we can!"

"Pftt, like you've got any competition on me lately!"

"That sounds like a challenge... and I accept!" Ty eagerly agreed, to an originally unintended contest, as he jumped up and immediately stripped himself down to his bare essentials right then and there in front of me, the entirety of which consisted of only a pair of undergarments that were eerily similar to mine. "To the other side and back; right here, right now. You ready for that, kid?"

"Born that way old man!" I howled out with a rock solid confidence I had only recently realized I was capable of as I held my breath and dived in head first right then and there into the water, every butterfly stroke and splash following only empowering me as I pushed myself harder than I had of late, ultimately wanting to just show up the old talent so to speak.

Ty's personality flaws aside however, as we raced then -whether unintentionally or not- I found myself circling around a thought in my mind of a rather obvious realization, and that was although the snow leopard may drive me crazy sometimes -and he sure as hell knows how to do so- it could never be argued that he isn't fun to be around. So maybe, if I feel compelled to tiptoe a line that I myself create, it may be within my control as to where and what crossing that line might mean; at least to me.

And so I let the snow leopard win, at least that time, as we both breathlessly collapsed back at the starting line as he laughed out loud in triumph. "Ha, that was great! Too bad you never stood a chance to begin with!"

"Yeah hehe...I really need more practice don't I?" I giggled superficially, trying to hide my sarcastic undertone as we both turned to meet each other's gaze. "Good job..."

"Same to you honestly. You know, maybe I could teach you what I know sometime..." Ty said rather amenably, even for himself, as I believed him at first his innocent offer, but then subsequently caught his eyes leering further down my person again with a smile forming across his muzzle all the while.

"And there he is. Same old Ty. Come on man, I thought we agreed on all this before..." I sighed dispiritedly as I stood up and started to walk away from him, halted mid step only by his grip as he pulled back softly on my right shoulder, getting me to stop in my tracks as he went on to explain himself...

"And what, I'm not allowed to change my mind? You know, I don't know if you've ever even stopped to think about how one sided that agreement in the past between us was or not back then... but I have; and more than once." Ty spoke with a passion I had never seen from him before as he pressed at my chest tenderly, his tone slightly shifting and softening with every passing push of his paw. "There was never anything in it for me to have had any reason to should have agreed in the first place. I'm sure you knew that, or at least have realized it by now."

"Fair enough. I suppose you're right on that one. And so to not be considered too much a monster in this story, let me tell you, I've... thought about you too. It's a weakness of mine. But look, it's like I told you then, I'm with my boyfriend now, and whatever we were building up back then died anyway after I found out I was just some sample flavor of ice cream for you, and that was only AFTER you grew bored with your basic vanilla at home... so to speak."

"You got me there. I have no good argument to defend that time in my life whatsoever, save for to say, in reflection, I really felt like I was younger in my way of thinking back then. But the truth as it stands now is -as so it was yesterday and so it remains today- it was only because of you I even found the courage in the first place to take the proper steps towards repairing that part of me. And then, only after much heartache, I stepped back and reevaluated that life I had been living, to which I ultimately found by doing so myself short the one thing I've only ever truly craved; companionship."

The world seemed to spin too quickly then as we both looked at each other powerfully and heartfelt; connecting by an invisible string of what could almost be considered a eerily shared experience. "But what about your guy back then Ty? Certainly he must have fallen under that criteria..."

"A few great fucks and an expensive Jeep does not a relationship make my friend." Ty whimpered almost as he started to walk over to some nearby bleachers and sat down with a heavy thud. "We've been done for awhile now."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry for that then I guess." I apologized as I sat down next to him, both of us shivering slightly as he looked at the ground and I at the rafters above. What I said next I still argue will come to pass a day I'll regret. "You know, maybe... if this is who you really are Ty... just maybe, we can reset everything concerning us and just start over again... as friends."

"Really?" He said with a low hanging head which slowly arched in my direction.

"Yeah. Just... no more stolen glances or unrequited obsessions anymore okay. Let's just promise to understand what we are to each other right here and now; handprints on each other's hearts who guide us if we let them, but never control us."

"That sounds pretty alright to me!" The snow leopard perked up as I leaned over and placed my arm over his shoulder, hugging at him sideways as our wet bodies mysteriously found themselves completing a puzzle within me I only thought Daniel was capable of helping me figure out.

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Back in the present, even though no matter how much I would like to I can't just hide in my dreams and sleep my life away, here in my home we have come full circle as I awoke in the middle of the night with a tired grunt and an angry hip buck following as I tried letting Ty know, with the best nonverbal cues I could think of there in the dark of my living room, that I wasn't yet truly appreciative of his tenacity and talents as he nibbled at and pulled excitedly at the connector piece of the recent piercing on my sheath.

"Hehe, you're just full of surprises, aren't you Charlie?" Ty let whisper out of the corner of his otherwise engaged mouth as he played with the piercing with the length of his tongue, making me squirm in a sick joy as I alternatively reminisced back to a time when Daniel and I had joked about getting such a vanity and how it might spice up our sex life.

"Too late now though Daniel..." Was all I could think in my head as I held the back of Ty's head in my hands now as he wrapped his muzzle fully around my member next, easily taking all of my girth in one go with a skill I was all too happy he had spent many years perfecting before the advent of me. And with every push following into his maw, a familiar comfort long since experienced -and lost- came back to me as I aggressively took charge of the situation and began to dominate the snow leopard's mouth.

"You can't blame me for this of course..." I continued to try to convince myself of my actions with each subsequent thrust that would only push me closer and closer to my finishing point, a climax of which I hadn't had the urge to even achieve on my own of late. The familiar surge in my cock forming was incredible to say the least as it built up and swelled within me, almost alleviating my subconscious dissent as my precum's heat and warmth began to dribble out and down the length of my dick and onto my balls; the pool by which Ty would happily lap at should any have escaped from his maw.

"You left us behind; not the other way around!. I... I want this attention. I need this release! You'll have to understand. I mean, it's not like it's my fault you're gone. After all, if I had my way, ever in this life, you would still be here to do this; just like you used to..." The final imagination pushed a rather delicate button in me as my thoughts focused, and on so many little things I had forgotten about him until just then, as I entirely kept Daniel on my mind for the finish. "Fuck..."

The visual imagery hit hard at my core, all the while Ty's moans doubled in frequency, as I accidentally -yet finally- let loose within him month's of built up tension and force into his throat as my cum overloaded the snow leopard, causing him to choke for a second before he finally gulped it all down.

"FUCK! That was a ton!" Ty remarked immediately afterwards as he wiped at his muzzle to get off the excess with his forearm and rather lengthy tongue. "Good thing I'm a pro at this, or I could've died!"

"Yeah, sorry about that. Been awhile I guess..." I remarked back with a rather unintentional solemn tone following as an instant sense of intense guilt hit me right away, causing me ultimately to just move away from Ty; and quickly so.

It was only after I stood up next had I truly let sink into my heart what had just happened as I made my way silently into the kitchen afterwards. The breadth of the situation was overwhelming, and to be quite frank causing me to panic a little too for some reason, as I noticed Ty still sitting there stroking himself excitedly while he undoubtedly waited for my naked body to return.

In the end, the situation caused me to fall back on a comfort and fault of mine -and regrettably so- as I switched on the overhead light in the kitchen and instinctively reached for the refrigerator next and pulled out a beer, thinking it the best way to get my soul to relax. "So... hair of the pup?"

"Well... no honestly. I kind of got my fill earlier at the bar. Didn't you?" Ty remarked curiously as looked at me with a concern lingering on his eyebrows and in his eyes as he simultaneously half-way pulled back up his pants in response; his boner from what I noticed instantly down grading back to the solid five inch flaccid it started at.

"Nope, it's never enough. See, no matter how many times I knock one of these back, it fails to fix anything wrong in here." I admitted as I unintentionally, but truthfully so, rubbed at my heart. Really, never had a truer statement been uttered from me I realized as I looked at the liquid swishing about the container, the waves within almost hypnotizing me into believing tomorrow can be better if I just continue using it.

"And what, just now didn't help at all?"

"Was it supposed to? It was quite a show Ty, I'll admit, but I don't think the price was worth the admission..." I groaned aloud after a lengthy follow-up gulp as I heavily set the drink back down on the counter next, letting my feelings of regret further envelop me as I grabbed at the countertop so to stabilize my still somewhat hung-over self.

"So that's how it is huh? That's pathetic Charlie. Look at yourself. Just like a ship in a bottle, content to float out to sea in a self contained bubble, you have just lost all sense of purpose haven't you? Don't you realize you've had enough..." His sadness was prevalent in his tone as he stood up and made his way over to me slowly.

"What the fuck would you know Ty? Actually, what does it matter what you think anyway huh? You see your problem is you only seem to want to see the shine of my smile and for rainbows to generate from my tail hole, but whenever there is some real shit happening you choose to run. You stand there judging me cause I'm having trouble getting over the sorry state of my life; at least I'm doing something about it!"

"You know, when I came across you today, so sad and hurt like you were, I had hoped I'd finally been given my shot at getting to be with you, like I've wanted and been wishing for this whole time, but here in the end -and pitifully so- all you are is still obviously stuck in your memories; chasing after a shadow in your mind of some stupid dog!" Ty hissed out angrily after yelling as he backed away from me, furiously threw back on the rest of his clothes in a hurry while spouting off some colorful adjectives following, and stomped his way on over to the living room door.

"Once a upon a time I knew what love was Ty, even if now I'm only falling apart for having lost it. And that's my cross to bear. But I'll be honest with you Ty, and myself to a greater extent here okay, but no matter how sweet and awesome you may be sometimes, you'll never be able to fill the space left behind by who I already gave the other half of my heart."

"That's because you refuse to give me a chance, to let me give you all of me as a substitute." The snow leopard said with a noticeable sniffle as he opened and then slammed the door shut behind him, myself watching in almost a horror filled state as he did so as I noticed him crush a familiar and old object I had almost forgot he was in possession of in his paw and throw it towards the floor; the origami heart I had intended to present to Daniel so many months ago.

Although my brain wanted to chase after him, apologize for how I was acting, and perhaps beg him for a hot night of unimaginably unbridled sex, my heart -the weakling it is- instead took control as I bitterly observed the heart, grabbed for my alcohol next and then launched it at the door Ty had just walked out of; the glass pieces shattering a reflection of how I had certainly just made the Snow Leopard feel.

What kind of monster have I turned into? How much more can I take before I break? Let's see what happens next...