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Author's Intro

Welcome to my Season of Good Will story!

My good will for this season is that I'm making the first post of this story free. The rest will be posted on my Patreon page but at a massively discounted rate. This is going to be a novel length work, and I'd usually put that in my $10 per month tier, but this one is going to be posted for those pledging just two dollars per month.

You can find an exact copy of this post here on my Patreon page, with a link to get the next one if you like what you find.

You should be able to read this even if you haven't read anything of mine before. These characters have three stories on here already, all of which you can read in full. Worth noting: what's on here is a first draft of those books, and what's on Patreon is much more polished re-drafts of everything, close to being ready for ebook publication.

Merry Christmas to you all. - Todd / AthleteRaccoon

Chapter One

Todd's narrative

It was the year Alfie got shot.

My family were destined to call it that for the rest of their lives. It happened last Christmas, but give it a couple of years and some of them would be trying to place significant events by saying 'Was that the year Alfie got shot?'

It should have ruined Christmas forever.

It didn't. It made it.

Talking about the longest day of my life now seemed strange, because my fear had always been that it would happen if I ever lost Colton. Ever since that road trip where we went to San Francisco to meet Akio, my late uncle's boyfriend from thirty years ago, I'd come to terms with how if I spent all my time worrying about something happening to the one I loved most, I'd never enjoy any of our time together. That all seemed like a distant memory. 'What if I lost my fox?' was a question I never asked now. Until the night hearing a gunshot made me think about loss again.

The first time I'd ever knowingly heard one was when Alfie broke up a fight with it back in Phoenix, saving me from getting choked to death in a parking lot by a drunken, homophobic stag called Drew Tarbuck. The second time I heard one was when Alfie's wife missed his heart by less than an inch.

He'd called me to stop himself from doing something stupid. It wasn't the first time. I'd always figured that no matter what he said, most of the rows they had were probably his fault. This one though, I had to give it to him. Her affair had been all over social media. I'd probably seen it before he had.

He had his usual rant about 'All I'm tryin' to do's give her and the kid a good life' and 'What do I ever ask for back?' and 'When I'm dead she'll be crying and telling everyone I was a saint, but when I'm alive? Fucking nothing.' Everything was her fault. Right down to how he wore a condom on the prom-night he got her pregnant and it was her fault it didn't work.

He stopped, caught his breath, and banged a first on a table, or maybe a door. 'Bro, I swear to God I'm gonna kill that cheating bitch.'

'Okay,' I said. 'This is the part where I remind you how you called me to stop yourself doing something that's going to get you put away for life.'

'I'm finished with her this time.' I'd heard that at least a dozen times, probably more. 'She's not getting a fucking cent out of that divorce, I'm telling you now. Fuck the whole women taking over the world thing, coz whores sure as shit don't take over mine. She's not getting to see the kid. She's not getting money, she's not getting shit, except for a sleeping bag and a pillow and she can go sleep in a fucking dumpster!' He'd worked himself up to shouting again. Somewhere in the background, my five year old nephew was crying.

'Okay,' I repeated. 'So, take Freddy to Mom and Dad's, and the drive can cool you off and then you can call a lawyer.'

'She's probably calling one right now, I already kicked her whore ass out. She's not sleeping under any roof I paid for again. And if her stupid parents think they're starting shit with me again I'll fucking cap them both too, the mood I'm in right now.'

'Stop it, Alfie. Don't make me put Colton on the phone to talk you out of this.' Colton probably couldn't have done it. I only thought of it because they were two people so equally matched in fire and rage when they lost it that part of me had always wanted to see them square off against each other. The sensible part of me was glad it never had, because Alfie would probably have won. He always had to have the last say, even if it was beating someone into the ground. Or firing a bullet.

I'd never thought he'd actually shoot someone, until that evening.

Mentioning Colton had worked though. 'Todd, how do you and the fox do it?' my brother said, after sighing. 'How did you get it so right when you met him? You two always had the whole we love each other and we've got this deep connection thing going on. Everybody else loves you being together as much as you do. You even got Dad to accept it, for Chrissake. Why could I never get what you've got, just with a woman? Why couldn't I get a woman who just got the way I am?'

I couldn't help myself with what I said next. Even if Alfie exploded on me and hung up, he'd be pissed for a month with me instead of strangling his wife. 'Alfie, she does get you. All the time. That's the problem. She was never meant to end up with you because you don't get her. You got her as a prom date and there's where it should have stopped. It wasn't her fault you got her pregnant and you've always known the truth: you should have just paid child support and never married her. Even Mom said so.'

'Oooooh no, don't you fucking start with this shit! I called you because-'

'Alfie, shut up for two seconds, for once in your life.' I could never have done this in person. But hell, that's what being in New York on a cellphone was for. 'You're not easy to live with, and this is why. You don't listen to anyone. You don't compromise. There's only room in the relationship for how you want everything. She cheated behind your back because she was probably scared of telling you she'd had enough. I'm sorry if that's how it is, but that's how it is. I don't blame her. So what are you going to do, get yourself mad at me until you want me dead too?'

'Scared? For Chrissake, Todd, I never touched her. Not once. Sure, I shouted, I shouted plenty. But hit a woman? You actually think I'd do that?'

'No, but it doesn't matter. Sometimes it's enough to feel like somebody'd do it. You never learned to control your temper even if you only hit guys. You're Colton if he'd never met me. Except he couldn't have shot me and neither can you, no matter how pissed I can make you. So just cool off until you can treat Roxy like she's family too. Because she is.' And you never made her feel that way.

The other thing he had in common with Colton was after he'd worked himself up enough, he'd crash. The only difference was that Colton usually took a few hours or a day for him to do it. Alfie could do it on cue, with the right words. I'd found them. I hadn't expected to, but there it was.

Merry Christmas, older brother who probably now wished Mom had never given birth to me.

'Yeah,' he said. Then there was a long silence. 'Don't I fucking know it every day I wake up. So what do you want me to do, Todd? You were always the smart one. What am I supposed to do?'

'What I said. Take Freddy to Mom and Dad's and try and explain to him what's happening once you've cooled off about it. Then you can file for divorce and maybe if you're lucky agree joint custody, and by the end of it you'll both be happier raccoons.'

'Oh yeah, like I'm going to get a fucking fairy-tale ending like that. I never got shit, from anyone. People have always hated me. More than I hate fucking Christmas. You know what Dad told me one year? He made you and Rocco because he knew his first one came out wrong.'

'You and Dad both shouted a lot of nasty things you didn't mean at each other when you were angry. And usually both drunk. You're as bad as each other. And you think that's the worst he can do? You should have been there when I came out.'

'Oh shut up about that again, that ended just fine for you. You get the fairytale ending.'

'Yeah, and it's because I'm a fairy. Of course it is. Listen, Alfie, bottom line, however this turns out it's better than the ending you might have had if you hadn't called me.'

'Can I come and spend Christmas with you?' he said. 'How about it? Why don't I just leave this fucking stupid town and never come back? Think you could put up with me for a couple of weeks until I can find a job in New York? Fresh start? Maybe all the shit I ever did in my life won't matter anymore if I get it right next time. Just like Dad managed to.'

Holy shit, a flight of fancy? Alfie didn't do this. Especially not an idea that actually might be good. Regardless, I knew I couldn't have him here. I didn't want him to keep thinking about this. The only good relationship I was ever going to have with him was an arm's length one. Or two and a half thousand miles.

It ended up not mattering. My sister in law saved me from not knowing what to say.

A door opened in the background. 'Oh, look who's home. Here we go.'

'Don't talk to her right now. Just take Freddy and get-'

'Alfie, I am not going to be your victim anymore.' Roxy's voice.

Alfie laughed. 'Oh, this is sweet, this is just _too_sweet! The fuck are you gonna do with that? I bet you didn't even take off the safe-'

Roxy Aldrington had taken the safety off. She'd probably never put it on after loading up.

Later on in the hospital, Alfie told us all she was a good shot because he'd made her one. The perfect happy couple, their favourite thing had been going to the firing range together. I imagined that it probably made them feel like Bonnie and Clyde. I wasn't imagining anything when I heard the shot though. I felt like I'd been shot myself.

'Alfie?' I said. 'Alfie? Talk to me!'

Instead of him talking, I got Freddy's crying again, intensified to something between a wale and a shriek. Then Roxy's matched it.

I didn't think after that, I just hung up and wondered how the fuck you dialled 911 for a different state, two and a half thousand miles away. Could you even do it? I'd never had to think of it.

I called home.

'Yyyy'ello, this is the Aldringtons'.' Zelda, my seven year old sister. Oh, great.

'Zelda, it's Todd. Put Mom or Dad on, right now, it's an emergency.'

'Oh hey! Felix, it's Todd! Felix wants to talk to you.'

'No! Zelda, listen to me-'

'Hey, Todd! Thank God you called, I've got this evil homework problem. My teacher's been setting me college grade stuff already but I can't do this one. You're doing engineering, right? How much do you know about-'

'Felix, I need you to do something and I need you to do it right now. This is an emergency and I'm not joking. Can you listen?'

Nothing. Shit, I'd probably scared him frozen. He'd never heard my voice sound like this. Anything like this to a kid with Asperger's would take a freeze-frame moment to process. Time I didn't have.

'Get Mom or Dad, Felix. Now. Please? Are they there?'

'Dad, can you talk to Todd? Something's wrong.'

Nothing again for a moment. Then: 'Hey, Todd, I've got my hands full but you're on speakerphone. Something wrong? I can call you back in a few minutes.'

Oh God, just no. I could hear the entire rest of the family, and they were going to hear this. No time. Just do it. 'Dad, I need you to hang up and call 911. Tell the cops to get over to Alfie's place and send an ambulance.'

'What the hell? What's happened?'

'He called me, shouting about Roxy and she came home. There was a bang. I think she shot him. You've got to believe me and just do this, no questions.'

Everyone went silent. I'd never heard my family do it so quickly. Some china smashed in the background. I heard a whimpering noise from Mom I'd never heard before. She might as well have been there in front of me, her hands to her mouth and her eyes already filling.

'Alright,' Dad said. 'I've got this. I'll call you back.'

I sat down on my bed, realising my legs weren't going to support me for much longer. It was too late already. Fucking Zelda, fucking Felix and his fucking homework, the seconds that might have counted were gone and my brother was dead.

I didn't notice Obie was in the doorway. I didn't know how long he'd been there. He was one of Colton's old friends, from before he moved to Phoenix, a red panda. A long story of damage and reconciliation, and two people forgiving each other, enough that they could be friends again at college age and then live together. We'd shared this house, belonging to Obie's uncle Sal, for two years already. Halfway through the same degree together. Obie always had something to say, and the smart mouth with the New York Italian accent to go with it. He was nothing like a gangster, he just talked like one, but now he looked like he'd seen his first real crime and gone just as weak at the knees I was.

'Holy shit, Teej!' He'd started off calling me T.J, giving the 'jay' more accent as if to make it T.J.A, all my initials. Then he'd decided 'Teej' was even more down with the kids. I'd let it stick. Colton never called me it. He'd always said it was dumb, just like Obie calling him 'C', but it was love and affection dumb.

I'd never seen Obie deal with a crisis, but I taken Colton's word that he'd been through enough shit in his own life that he knew how to hold shit together just as well. Colton was right, he did. He sat down next to me. 'What do you need? Shall I call C?'

'Yeah,' I said, not knowing what good it would do, just that I really wanted Colton there right now. He was visiting a friend of his, Vera Telford, a middle aged snow leopard. If friend was the right word for her. He always called her 'Mrs Telford,' as if mocking her taut manners and properness. Another long story, how those two came to meet. Christmas was now their annual 'Let's try and understand someone a little different to me' ritual. That and Colton had apparently worked some sort of miracle on her one year, or something like that.

'Hey C, can you break up with Mrs Telford tonight? The raccoon's having some pretty serious family drama right here, something about his brother getting shot. Alfie?' he looked at me and I nodded, feeling sick. 'Yeah, Alfie. Can you come home? I think you might be putting this one on a flight back to Phoenix tonight.'

So much for the Christmas that was just going to be me and Colton together, and Obie in the house too for some of it, when he wasn't with his uncle. His father was in prison for fraud, he didn't want to talk to his mother, and his uncle Sal was okay until he started talking about how his ex wife left him at Christmas time, and his current girlfriend was probably going to do the same (Christmas at her parents place; they were going to talk her into it). Me, Obie and Colton just wanted a vaguely cheerful Christmas together. Obie had invited his ex-girlfriend Roseanna as well, and we were going to try and help him get back together with her if she came over. Now all that was literally gone with a bang.

An hour later, Dad hadn't called me and Colton still wasn't home. A snow storm had started coming in. New York was coming to a near standstill. My fox was probably spending the night in the home of a woman whose company I could barely tolerate for ten minutes, and if I could get on a plane tonight then that plane certainly wasn't taking off, and my brother was probably dead by now anyway. The phone rang. Number withheld. I answered.

'Hello Todd, I'm Dr Fairbrother, I work at Phoenix General. Your family have asked if you can catch a flight home tonight. Your father says he can send money if you need it.'

None of them could manage a phone call, so a doctor was doing it instead. My heart sank. Plunged.

'I've got money,' I said. Even as a college student on a scholarship, I probably had more to spare than my parents did. 'There's snow coming into New York right now, I don't think I can even reach the airport.' I took a deep breath. 'Just tell me, is my brother dead?'

'No,' Dr Fairbrother said. He sounded like a dog, probably a shepherd or a retriever. 'We've done what we can, but we're not sure if it will see him through the night. At best I'd give it fifty-fifty. The bullet missed his heart but only just. It destroyed one of the main arterial connections close to it. When he reached the hospital it was only just in time for me to operate. We resuscitated Alfie twice during the surgery. I'm sorry to have to tell you all this over the phone. But perhaps you should know, you got your family to call the ambulance quickly and that's probably what's given him a chance.'

I heard the door downstairs go and Colton swearing about snow.

'It was his wife,' I said. 'Did she get arrested?'

'She's sedated here in the hospital, under police guard.'

'Good.' I managed not to add that if Alfie died, it would take me the same self control I'd brought out in him for me not to kill her myself. I wished I could tell him I understood what it was like to be that angry now. I might not have been, if it weren't for the snow pouring down outside my window. Maybe the weather would make sure I spent Christmas here with Colton and Obie, but I'd spend the whole time guilty and worrying, and feeling worse that they couldn't cheer me up.

'Tell my parents I'll do what I can,' I said, and hung up.

He wasn't going to make it. It was just like in basketball: 50-50 was the most dangerous odds to go into a game with, because that level of doubt meant too much pressure. Knowing you were going to win? Easy if you didn't get too cocky. Knowing you were going to lose? It meant you had nothing to lose if you went for risky plays and it might just turn your odds around. Either-or? Bad mindset. Alfie's body was surely no different, not knowing whether to give up or fight. Giving up was easier. Just for once in his life, Alfie was going to make something easy for himself.

Except all that was bullshit thinking. Life or death wasn't sports. Alfie would fight. Alfie always fought everyone and everything.

Colton looked like he knew it, and was just as ready to fight his way onto a plane with me. 'Come on,' he said. 'I already got us both a flight. Get your coat on and stuff some clothes in a bag, they can still take off in this. Trust me.'

I trusted him, and as usual he wasn't always right. We wound up sleeping in the airport, our flight postponed until the next morning. A text message from Rocco woke me up. He's awake. Rough as shit but he's talking and he's got a pulse. Get home when you can. He said to tell you that you were right, whatever that means.

About which part? The fairytale ending? Neither of them were going to be better raccoons now. Roxy had ruined her life _and_his. If she wasn't looking at attempted murder then it was going to be something similar, maybe with diminished responsibility.

Unless she fought it. She and Alfie had one thing in common besides guns: they always wanted to win a fight. I thought about how she'd told him she wasn't going to be his victim. I'd always known Alfie was no saint. He might not have hit her, but abuse wasn't always hitting someone. Had it actually gone that far that he'd been bullying and threatening her? I didn't want to, but I believed it might be true. She'd probably try and prove it even if it wasn't, just to get off. This was going to be messier than any divorce.

Especially if Alfie didn't have insurance, which he probably didn't. He'd never afford a premium on his money. He smoked and drank like a soldier and did work that was just as dangerous, working security on the doors of clubs in the parts of Phoenix that most people with sense didn't go to. He probably should have gotten shot years ago.

I was glad I wasn't my parents right now, telling a five year old grandson that his father was lucky to be alive and his mother was about ready for an institution.

Colton had read my text over my left shoulder, his hand on my right. 'You okay?'

'Sometimes I think I hate Alfie,' I said. 'For being who he is. He'd say he can't help it, but he could. Maybe this was the best thing for him. If he doesn't turn some things around after this...' then maybe we should all just let him go? I didn't know. 'I told him he was what you might have been if you'd never met me. Sorry. I don't really know that either, but...just, I thought it and I thought it might shut him up so he'd listen to me. He was about to. Maybe I could've gotten through to him. Now it's like I was talking down the wrong person.'

'You couldn't have done anything else, Todd-coon.' Colton didn't call me that very often now, but I was so glad of hearing it right then. 'He's alive and awake. That means you can try again later. They're delaying us another four hours. You still want to go or shall we just go home?'

'Are the tickets refundable?'

'That doesn't matter.'

That meant no. 'Let's go to Phoenix. You want some breakfast? That bar over there smells damn good.'

'Now you're talking. Why don't you call this in with the college and get us a pass for the last week of term? We'll stay there and spend Christmas with your folks. Think nearly losing a son will make your Dad soft enough that he can tolerate me sleeping with his favourite one under his roof?'

'How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not his favourite.'

'Whatever, Deacon Blue.'

'You of all people know that's not what that nickname means. Dad hasn't called me that since I found out what it really meant.' It was a homage to his brother, Deke, who was a southern raccoon. I was a blue one, yet still bared a striking resemblance to my late uncle. Deacon Blue was the name of a band from England my father liked. Deke in Blue was me. Ever since I'd heard Deke's life and death story, and how my father had hidden his existence from the whole family for years, that nickname for me had died a natural death, as if my father had finally made peace with how his brother had died of AIDS and I'd grown up to be as gay as Deke had been, just more fortunate and a maybe a little more sensible. I didn't want to focus on all the vibes that came with my late uncle right now.

'How was Mrs Telford?'

Colton rolled his eyes. 'Certifiable.' He shook his head. 'Nah, she's alright. I was her free pass to looking open minded as usual. She still tells me my manners are improving. Then she asked me when the last time I got an HIV test was.'

'Seriously? Colton, why are you even friends with this woman?'

'She's not my friend. She's just another odd story in my life and she happened to invite me to her house again this year because it's the season of good will. So I went and I gave her as much good will as I could. Besides, I still kind of feel bad about that first time we met. Guess I didn't quite flick the switch on that one yet.' That was Colton's phrase for when he'd done something bad that he had to forgive himself for and move on. Ever since he'd taught it to me after my fight with Drew Tarbuck, I'd used it too. On our road trip to Cali during the first summer of our relationship, I'd found out he'd named it after 'Flip the Switch,' a Rolling Stones song.

How fitting. I looked at the grounded planes outside the window and found myself on the verge of singing it. It was a song about a rockstar ready to go to heaven, as if it was a plane trip. Alfie should never have married Roxy. He should have just been selfish and gone out to be the rock star. Even if she'd never shot him I'd still have thought it.

My text tone went again. Rocco's number, but I could tell it wasn't him who'd written to me. Bro, can you even believe it? She thought she could kill ME? Let's see her win a divorce battle now!

I stood and thought for a moment, then wrote: Go back to bed. If Dad hasn't done it already, I'll deal with you when I get home.

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