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The Middle-Age Suburban Blues © Kenneth Beltan, 2019

This is a little different for me. I had not originally thought to post this as it's a story that takes place in a private world I've created with Nievelion and co-starring one of his characters, Quentin Parrish. An understanding of that world isn't really necessary to enjoy this, but if some of it doesn't quite make sense at times, that's probably why. Naturally, I have Nievelion's permission to use his character.

===

A small cloud of fragrant smoke lingered around Professor Parrish's head as he enjoyed his pipe. He was seated across from a colleague, Professor Adrian Macalister, in his office where they had been discussing quite a number of topics. It was the sort of tête-à-tête Quentin enjoyed with his fellow teachers, ranging from politics in the school to the generational differences between them and their students, various academic topics, and even their personal lives.

Adrian had been teaching at the college for a few years now, having transferred from the University of Connecticut to be closer to his children who had long since decamped for New York City and even Los Angeles. The badger was a middle-aged man, a bit pudgy, but he had a good mind and was a fine teacher, in addition to being quite likable. He was enjoying New York much more than his wife, more than he ever thought he would, even as he admitted he still often felt overwhelmed at the place. He often stayed in the City all day, catching a late train to the northern suburbs of the city. Sometimes he simply did all his work in his office, but other times he would explore the city on foot or by subway. He had even accepted invitations from some of his students to check out various places in the boroughs to get a sample of all the variety the city had to offer. He was also becoming quite a gourmet (and increasingly a gourmand), an easy thing in New York.

"You know, I should really get a gym membership in the City. I need to work off some of this," the badger said, patting his belly ruefully.

Quentin tilted his head, inspecting him with casual appreciation. "Oh, I don't know. I think it makes you look rather academic in the old way."

Adrian returned Quentin's assessment with a dry look. "You mean I look like an old, fat professor in my suit and bowtie and vest." Before Quentin could clarify, his friend continued. "It's true. I've been an upper class Connecticut suburbanite my whole life with pretensions of looking like an old time collegiate. I won't really apologize for it anymore as I'm happy the way I am for the most part. I just wish I could pull it off as well as you. Of course, I'm fatter than you."

The Amur shook his head and took another puff on his pipe. "I suspect, Adrian, there is something more you are looking for than a trimmer waistline." It vaguely sounded like a pass -- and it was, if an open-ended one. Quentin could detect a sexually frustrated man quite easily, and Adrian had come across that way for a while before having commented at one point that his marriage bed had not exactly been a warm one for some time. Quentin would certainly not kick a man like him out of his bed. And it was an open secret that Quentin was quite an amorous fellow underneath his proper façade; Adrian was certainly aware of it as well. Once in a while, he seemed to have sent out feelers, very tentative and uncertain ones that Quentin, being the master flirt he was as well as a subtle feline, would occasionally tickle back. He knew Adrian was hungry, but for what he was not yet certain. He did not think even Adrian was sure of that yet.

The bespectacled badger made a face that conceded that truth. "I would like a change in my life--it's been too predictable for too long. My children are grown now and have lives of their own, as well as cubs, making me grandfather a few times over. That's been a treat, as you know now!" He paused for a moment as if he was uncomfortable with continuing. "But I want more. Marcy misses Connecticut. I can't blame her as it's her home. I was never as attached to it, however. I'm even less attached to where we're living now. I honestly doubt that she would ever agree to live in big, bad New York City. She's still afraid of the city, in spite of her numerous trips over the years. She's too much of a suburbanite even for her own good."

"Far be it from me to speak ill of a friend's spouse, but I would be lying if I said Marcy didn't sometimes remind me of Hyacinth Bucket," Quentin said with a smirk.

Adrian laughed loudly at the comparison. "Thank God she isn't that bad, but you're on the right trunk line where her personality is concerned. She likes to keep up appearances, yes, and she is a good decorator. Both houses were always hers, but she lets me have my own den, so I don't mind. I think I'd rather live in a brownstone in Brooklyn like you do--I love your home." His fellow professor smiled warmly, eyes bright as if he could see it in his mind's eye. Then he made a slight face. "I don't know if I'd like living in quite such a dense neighborhood indefinitely, but I'd be willing to try...I could always choose a more residential section of Brooklyn or Queens or even Staten Island."

"Ah, but Staten Island has no subway access," Quentin pointed out.

"You know, that's funny. Marcy said that too recently, when I speculated on what it would be like to live in New York--she said if you're going to do that, you should at least live conveniently to the subway."

"I couldn't agree more. How'd she take to your idea anyway?"

"She made a face that said she didn't like the idea." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, to put it simply, I like New York City. I certainly like it better than Connecticut." He brought his own pipe to his maw and took a drag. It was a practice he had picked up from Quentin and quite enjoyed.

"Change can be very good for a man. I certainly went through one when I met Kenneth. I had been single for about fifteen years by that time...my life was not stagnant by any means, but the shake-up brought a lot of new energy and creative destruction." The Amur had a dreamy look in his eyes as he talked about Kenneth and recalled all that he had brought to his life.

"I'll bet it was exciting! Just think, marrying someone from such a completely different background. I remember when Marcy's sister married a Lutheran instead of a Methodist. Such scandal!" Adrian rolled his eyes. "They could console themselves that it was only a Lutheran and not a Baptist, Unitarian, or, God forbid, a Catholic! I think marrying a Hindu would have caused their Windows 95 operating systems to crash." He laughed again, and Quentin joined him this time.

"Oh my, yes, I remember how taboo it was to marry outside one's faith not so very long ago. Jennifer's father did not approve of her marrying an Anglican. She even changed over, having never been partial to her Southern Baptist roots."

"I thought you were Methodist, too," the badger replied, looking confused.

"I am now, but I was raised in the Church of England. I came over to Methodism after moving back to New York following Jennifer's death. There was a time I almost lost all religion entirely...but that's a long story." The tiger waved it off and took a sip of his tea. "Speaking of radicalism, did you finally get that jacuzzi installed that you were eyeing?"

Adrian rubbed his paws together and answered "Oh, yes!" around his pipe, looking quite a bit more pleased than the Amur had expected. "We have such a private back yard. The deck is surrounded on two sides by the house, an enormous and full tree on another, and the final side opens up onto a nature preserve. I actually tried out the tub in just my fur the other night while I had the place to myself. Marcy was out with her friends at Applebee's and came home a little early. She was not pleased at all to find me naked out back."

The sly, even smugly cocky expression the badger had been wearing shifted to one of embarrassment, and more than a little annoyance. "No one could possibly have seen me, but it's the principle of the thing to her. She's indifferent to the jacuzzi, being far more partial to the large tub in the master bathroom, with scented candles and soft music. She also can't take the temperature of the water for too long, whereas I can stay in for a long time. And she doesn't have to brave cold winds in winter as she shakes dry and scurries back indoors. I agree with her on that account, but I admit I'm not minding much so far. My fur is thick enough." Now it was his turn to elevate his nose a tad.

Quentin thought he would like to join the man outside like that sometime. "That sounds wonderful. I've sometimes wondered if we should get a jacuzzi, but our veranda is pretty complete as it is, and jacuzzis are expensive. Kenneth likes to keep expenses to a minimum. He also prefers warmth to cold, very much so."

Adrian leaned forward a bit to pick up his sandwich. "It seemed fairly private when I saw it. I'll bet you could get away with skinny dipping there." He took a bite and sat back.

"You're correct about that," the Amur mused, even as he wondered just where this conversation was going...and how far the badger intended to take it. "When the weather is good, we spend a lot of time out there sunbathing. Being the thicker-furred one, I will do it more of the year. Hell, I even do it in winter if it's not too windy. I need all the sun I can get if I'm to have a comparably richly-coloured coat like my husband does. Bengals are blessed with luxurious hues!" The Amur sighed a little jealousy; he could never give enough praise to his dear Kenneth.

"And you've never been caught?" Adrian wondered, clearly into this particular conversation.

"We're lucky to have just the right space to make it work," the tiger explained, a twinkle in his eyes. "The previous owners from whom I originally rented the place planted a lot of trees. They were firm believers in urban greenery to clean up the air. Living so close to Manhattan and an expressway, I can't agree more."

The badger suddenly looked like he was working up the gumption to say something bold. "Is that all you've done out there?"

Quentin gave a charming yet naughty smile. Well, well. "My no, not at all. In designing it, we fully intended to make use of the space in every way imaginable." He leaned back in his chair and smoked, allowing his full profile to be on display to the man sitting across from him at the corner of his desk. He had allowed himself to plump a bit, and hoped Adrian would appreciate it. He grinned internally as he watched the badger's eyes cut down several times even as he tried to pretend otherwise. His friend was not good at subtlety in that way; Quentin suspected he had not gotten much practice over his life. "What about you on your deck?"

The badger blushed a little, shifting in his seat. "It's a place to read and have meals. Looking at the nature preserve is really quite nice, too. But that's it, I'm afraid. There isn't much adventure to be found when we enjoy the deck. When I'm alone, of course, the story's a little different." He looked away, partly suppressing another grin of his own. He did not think he could ever be so sexually bold as his colleague, especially a gay one, but something about being around him...

"There's no shame in any of that, Adrian. I'll never understand why people insist on feeling ashamed for pleasing themselves," Quentin said gently.

"Yeah, you're right. It's hard to shake a lifetime of strict propriety." He took a sip of his tea and chomped a pawful of chips. "When my daughter, my eldest, moved out, we just had the boys. I started being a little less modest after that, and it bothered Marcy. Admittedly, I like annoying her just a little. I always have." He laughed, though there was a tinge of sadness to it.

"She used to enjoy it, but I think she finds it tiresome now. I just don't see why I need to be dressed head to toe after getting out of the shower. It's not like the boys hadn't seen me change at the pool before, so I didn't bother with a robe to dry anymore. I never liked them after a shower anyway. Marcy would sometimes complain about my immodesty, but she wouldn't stop me. The boys didn't care, so I kept on doing it." He seemed to feel the need to justify himself, but the longer he spoke, the more determined he sounded.

The Amur was nodding in agreement. "I was never a modest man around my son, and Jennifer never complained about the eye candy." He chuckled with Adrian. "I didn't want him to be self-conscious, but I wasn't exactly expecting him to become quite the exhibitionist I think he's become. He loves to be naked and struts in a changing room, though not as bad as he used to." He couldn't help beaming with a certain paternal pride, but then he drawled in deadpan, "His ego has thankfully deflated to a more manageable level."

"Blake always seemed pretty pleased with his looks," the badger agreed as he took another puff. "Granted, he does have looks that most of us would kill for -- and that's coming from a straight man." He smirked. "You're not exactly hard on the eyes either."

Quentin flashed him a smoldering smile and purred his response. "Why, thank you, Adrian. I appreciate the compliment." One might think you were after something. He enjoyed the look on the other professor's face. It was a mix of amusement and slight bashfulness. Quentin thought the man did notice this slightly more blatant pass, but he did not seem displeased at receiving it.

"I'm curious, were you...active after Jennifer's death? Please stop me if that was too personal a question," Adrian wondered delicately, his latter words coming out somewhat in a rush.

Quentin shook his head to soothe the man, however, even if it did change the entire tenor of the conversation. "No, it's fine. I was understandably not very interested in sex for some time--I was actually quite depressed. I chain-smoked and drank myself numb for a while, too, and that I am very ashamed to admit." He covered his face with a paw and shook his head briefly.

The badger's eyes widened. "You? You chain-smoked, as in cigarettes?"

Quentin nodded heavily.

"I would never have believed it!" Adrian said in amazement.

"A teacher at the university thrust a pack my way to calm my nerves. In actuality, he was a self-interested bastard who just wanted me to shut up," Quentin said darkly. "I don't mind saying I challenged him to a juvenile duel in the ring. I beat him up good for it! It was Blake that really drew my attention to what I was doing to myself. It was an ice bucket splash that I needed." The Amur reflected on the irony as it would be some years later that he would need to give his son a wake-up call as well, in regards to his own self-destructive masculinity. "I wouldn't touch tobacco for several years, and while I wasn't getting full out drunk at that time, I did abstain completely for the next year. That was hard...I really like wine and cider. But I wanted to show Blake I was serious in not hurting myself."

"I have a hard time seeing you as picking fights, too."

"That's because it's the only time I ever did it," the tiger answered testily. He still seethed when he thought of that teacher. "I was going through nicotine withdrawal, stress and grief, and it felt bloody good to knock that fucker about like a punching bag!"

"Well, I can see how all that might depress your sex drive," Adrian replied, looking genuinely sorry his friend had to go through all that.

"That didn't last so very long, though. You know what the hunger is like. Eventually, you just need the release." Quentin shrugged and took another bite from his sandwich.

"What about partners? You didn't answer my question," the badger reminded his companion gently.

The tiger's ears perked as he remembered. "Mm, quite right! Well, it was a few months. Jennifer died near the end of the Spring term, and shortly after my son gave me hell for my brief drop into self-destructiveness, I decided that I wanted to go back to New York. I've always felt most at home here. Blake agreed to the move so we visited the city together, found a home, and moved. I met Professor Nieve Urquhart for the first time on that initial trip. He was -- and is -- quite the looker, and he knew I was interested. In fact, he was flirting with me the moment I shook his paw. He didn't let go, and before I knew it, he was kissing me quite passionately."

"That was fast!" the badger exclaimed.

"You're damn right, it was!" Quentin agreed with a laugh. "I felt lust swelling in me like nothing I had ever felt before and found myself returning it and getting hard." He winked and gave himself a quick pat. "He would become the first man with whom I would have conjugal relations -- about two weeks later."

"It sounds like your friendship got off to a splendid start," Adrian mused. He felt himself plumping more than he liked and tried to tap down his excitement. They had never discussed sex so openly before now, and the idea of such a sudden and unexpected encounter struck him quite personally.

"Yes, it did. I had been wanting to explore that side of myself for a long time, you see. I had initially been ashamed of it--after all, I did come up in the '60s and '70s in a working-class English home. It was not exactly an environment that fostered a positive attitude towards homosexuality." The Amur nodded affirmatively as Adrian politely echoed the sense of Quentin's position. "The '80s weren't tremendously better, though things by then were changing quickly. I was also married to Jennifer and deeply in love. I had a cub, too, and to me that was worth more than anything in the world...I always knew that I wanted to be a family man. I would have liked to have had more cubs, but Jennifer was reluctant to bring them into our lives while we were moving around. We had just begun trying again when she was killed."

"Ooo!" Adrian pulled a pained expression. Having always wanted to be a father himself, he had an idea of what a torment it must have been for Quentin to be denied additional offspring.

Quentin continued: "After her death, I felt guilty about wanting to move on, even about masturbating. Naturally, that's silly, but it's a phase of irrational guilt one has to work through. Having relations with other people was another barrier...and Nieve not only helped me there, he helped me to finally become comfortable admitting that I am mostly homosexual to myself, my son, and finally my parents. I owe so very much to that man. He's done more for me than just about anyone else in my life."

"Did you two ever decide to go steady?" Adrian wondered.

The Amur shook his head. "Oh, no. He was already married to Edward by then. No, we just had a friends with benefits arrangement."

"Really?" That obviously surprised the badger, and his eyes went wide.

"I find that gay men aren't as averse to such arrangements. Sex can accompany our friendships, even augment them. That was the case with Nieve and I...and Edward." He grinned, letting the idea of a threesome between them enter the badger's mind. He also noticed more of a mound in the man's slacks before he adjusted his position again.

"So you still...get around?"

Quentin laughed. "That's hardly a secret, but yes, I'll confirm that. I am an extremely randy cat, I admit it. I always have been, and age has only made it worse. I was only ever monogamous with Jennifer, but I don't wish to ever return to that state. I find it more fun to have a larger field in which to frolic. It suits me."

"Lucky man," Adrian let slip.

"How long have you and Marcy been inactive?" Quentin inquired pointedly.

Adrian's initial reaction to was show offense, but he quickly softened the expression and looked away. "Sorry. I suppose it was only fair you asked something so personal after I did."

"I apologize nevertheless." Quentin's voice was gentle. "When it comes to discussions of sex like this, the boundaries are somewhat different amongst gay men."

"Gay men seem to be able to open up pretty frankly about a lot of things," Adrian observed.

"Naturally," the tiger said with a shrug. "Since we don't have to be afraid of being thought of as homo, we can dispense with all that macho nonsense. Truthfully, I've never felt more manly than after coming out. I think it's a lot harder to be a man if one is heterosexual. The question of manhood is never a settled one. It always needs reasserting and reproofing so no one thinks one gay." He snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Well, I am and can't do anything about that, so I don't worry about it. To the people who matter to me, I am accepted as a man. I see myself as one regardless of what others think. To those who will never be converted, I'm not interested in their assessment in any event." He raised his arms and flexed, his muscles straining his sleeves. "And if any care to take up the issue, they will find more manhood in me that they will likely be able to handle. There is an advantage to being so enormous." He displayed a wide, sharp-toothed grin and a knowing wink.

"I would certainly never question your manhood," Adrian said, looking impressed at that arm...and the body attached to it. "You're colossal! You're a towering lumberjack with a Ph.D."

"You know, it's funny, Kenneth has called me exactly that on more than one occasion. In fact, when we go up to a friend's home on the Hudson, he watches me lewdly while I chop wood in jeans and a plaid shirt with my sleeves rolled up. It always stokes his furnace most efficiently." He laughed.

"Why do I think he probably leers at you naked while you work?" the badger wondered, trying to suppress a chortle.

"Your speculation is based on a sound assessment of Kenneth's mannerisms," Quentin confirmed with a wry grin. "That's why -- and it's correct."

"You two can turn a lot of heads, that's for sure. And I've seen some of the jealous and hateful looks you get for it." Adrian was grinning just as toothily now. He had always found the looks amusing.

"You should see us in a gang shower." The Amur bobbed his eyebrows up and down before taking another sip of his tea.

The badger sighed a bit dejectedly. "I wouldn't mind having something more to show off. I really don't want for anything in life, but I still wish I was more than average in looks."

"You're really not as average as you think, Adrian," Quentin said honestly. "Your looks are classically bookish. The look is not really in vogue, I'll grant you, but there are those who find that very attractive. You are a handsome chap. You're just not used to being told so, I think."

"Well, I'm not exactly at the pond fishing for compliments." Adrian put a paw on the back of his neck and looked away. "I am a married man. That reminds me, I didn't answer your question." He took off his glasses to polish them. "Marcy and I haven't done the deed for almost three years now, and for the last ten we were barely active. I've gotten used to enjoying myself. Thank heavens for laptops, online porn, and password protection!" He grinned again as he put his glasses back on. "Porn is so much easier to come by these days, isn't it? Remember when even getting to see a nudie magazine was like finding the Holy Grail?"

The tiger laughed heartily. "By Jove, yes, I do! I remember mine was an actual Playboy. It was 1972. I had never seen breasts or a vagina before then. It honestly wasn't really very arousing, but I was just as enthralled as my friends were."

"My father had a stash that I somehow managed to find. He eventually found out, but instead of punishing me, he just told me to keep it under my hat and said I could peruse them if I wished. I was actually kind of shocked as my dad was otherwise a very prim man--my family was religious and conservative. I learned that my father was human after all that day...it actually made us closer, sharing that secret. It was kind of how he eventually explained the birds and the bees to me. Indirectly, he also taught me how to masturbate. He once asked if I like them, then asked if it made me hard. He told me that was normal and that if I 'felt tense,' I should 'massage' myself could help. I didn't really understand what he meant, and he wouldn't say anything else. I didn't need long to figure it out for myself."

Adrian smirked around his pipe and puffed. "I eventually told him his advice had been sound, and he just grinned. That was the closest we ever got to talking about sex for many, many years. He's much more open these days, having shed quite a bit of the old religious modesty he used to hold so important. He's still a faithful man, but in matters of sex, he apparently always had more progressive attitudes than I had thought. My parents never really did give me the Talk. I had to get informed at school during sex ed."

"My father," the striped cat responded, "was quite straightforward. We British have a reputation for being squeamish about the topic, but that isn't universally true. My father always believed in having this out plainly, even if it was a difficult topic, rather like pulling off a bandage quickly. He didn't tell me about self-pleasure, but he did say that there were 'various ways to make an unwanted erection go away' and that I'd figure that out on my own. I had a lot of fun figuring out all the ways to do that." He looked quite pleased with himself.

"Didn't we all? Of course, there was a lot of shame around it. After I got married, I would get very ashamed of doing it. I tried not to because I thought I owed Marcy that. It took a long time before I realized how silly I was being."

"How tiresome," Quentin said offhandedly as he finished his sandwich.

Adrian nodded agreement. "The drying up of the river certainly contributed to that! I had to get my release somehow. Thankfully, I prefer to use the shower down the hall instead of the one in the master bathroom. It's large but enclosed instead of a tub-shower; I like having room to spread out. It's also nice to sit or lay back on the floor and just let the water rain down. It's relaxing. Anyway, if I leave any...traces, Marcy won't know. I clean my own bathroom."

"Do you think she would disapprove of you masturbating? Not all partners do," the tiger pointed out.

The badger shook his head. "I doubt she'd care. I've never heard her say anything against masturbation. If she did disapprove, I think I would have heard about it already. We've discussed enough topics over the years, and if she doesn't like something, she says so. I know she finds the idea of toys bizarre. Say, have you ever used a Fleshlight?"

Quentin nodded. "Yes, they can be quite fun. They do make shower mounts for them, you know."

"I am aware of that, and I've been sorely tempted to get one. They're not as easy to hide as porn, though."

"No, I suppose not!" the Amur chuckled.

Adrian crossed one leg over the other as he shifted again in his seat, just as much to change position to relieve the stiffness that came with sitting for a long period of time as to hide a growing penis. He was not about to let Quentin see him plump! He was surprised how this conversation was getting him worked up. Of course, he had been getting desperate for sex for some time... He could not believe how frank he was suddenly being with someone about it, but it felt very good to get it off of his chest.

"I love my wife, Quentin, but I won't pressure her to have sex with me. Apart from such a thing being abhorrent, it wouldn't be fun or pleasurable for me. I think she's rather happy with celibacy. We never had much spice in our marriage, but to have nothing is frankly driving me crazy. I've come close on more than one occasion to giving in to temptation."

"Have you told her any of this?"

"I've tried to...in a roundabout way. She doesn't like to talk about it, she usually just brushes me off. Only once has she really acknowledged it, simply saying she did not want it and that she was sorry...I've never brought it up again. I could tell she really did not like having to say that. It left me pretty much where I was, though. Nor would I interpret any of it as an unsaid pass to take even the tiniest of liberties. I knew Marcy much better than that--yet it's really a very unfair position."

His usually chipper demeanor suddenly displayed the real bitterness he felt about his situation. "I won't leave someone I love over sex, however. We've been through too much together, and we still love each other," he added, anticipating what he was sure had to have crossed Quentin's mind. Any reasonable person would have thought that, even if only briefly.

"Perhaps, under the circumstances, Marcy would at least understand a toy for your shower, Adrian," the tiger suggested diplomatically. "She doesn't use the bathroom and doesn't have to look at it. One cannot be unfaithful with a toy."

The badger nodded slowly. "You're probably right, my friend." A grin suddenly spread across his face and he began laughing uncontrollably.

"What is it, man?" Quentin wondered as he started chuckling himself.

"When Jason comes home to visit from Miami, he uses my bathroom. It's right next to the spare bedroom. I was just wondering if I should leave it out for him to notice--it would be fun to mortify my children like that."

The Amur roared with laughter. In fact it got to the point he had to put his pipe down and eventually his head on the desk while he got it out of his system. Panting, he looked up at last at the badger, who was wiping tears away from under his glasses, and said, "You do have a mischievous streak, don't you?"

"I'm getting more so as I get older; it amuses me. I did say I have been trying to shake up my life a bit, it needs some spice! That's why I spend so much time in the City. Suburbia is boring, and I don't care for Applebee's...I can't stand the Olive Garden after eating real Italian food in New York...and let's not even talk about Panda Express or fast food burgers." He shook his head ruefully. "Listen to me, I'm becoming a man of the city. Marcy's not much interested in all that--I think she'd like to retire to the country actually. We sometimes go on drives to various small bergs, and she talks about how nice it would be to live in one."

"What do you think?"

"I don't know, it might be. They're nice places to visit for sure, but I don't know if I'd want to live in one. If anything, I think I'd rather retire to the city. I'd like to live somewhere where I can walk and don't have to have a car. I hate having to drive everywhere. Call me crazy, but I actually kind of like taking the subway. I like being around all kinds of people. Pocantico Hills is such a homogenous place; I wish Marcy and I could have lived in the actual nearby town of Sleepy Hollow. Wouldn't that have been cool? I love walking around that place, and thankfully she enjoys it as well, even if it's more working class and Latino that she is maybe comfortable with. I like it. It gives me a way to practice my Spanish."

"Sleepy Hollow is an indulgence for me because of the story. Kenneth and I have enjoyed trips there." Quentin blushed a little. A visit to the hamlet for its Gothic past may have been clichéd, but it was the sort of cliché he and Kenneth cared not to refuse.

"It's pretty up there when there's fog. It always creeps me out a little, but I do like that; it gets the imagination going. I really wish we had bought in Sleepy Hollow... So many people dream of living in small New England towns. We could have, but no, she wanted something new and big. We really don't need all that house as it's just the two of us--our children don't come to visit that often, and they almost never stay. It's just a train ride from New York for two of them, and the grandkids like riding the train. Only Jason needs a place to stay, and he sees us maybe once a year... Man, the way I tell it, Marcy and I sound like we're miles apart. I suppose in some ways we are."

"You don't sound entirely happy with the compromises you've had to make," the tiger observed sagely.

"I didn't mind it so much before," Adrian admitted around puffs; he had not realized how sad, even trapped, he sounded in his life until he put it into words. "I had a family to think of, though they seemed eager as hell to leave -- not to get away from us but from suburbia. I don't want to live in a big house in the middle of nowhere. I'd rather downsize, simplify my life, and live more centrally. It shouldn't just be me making all the compromises. Marcy feels like she's made a big one in leaving Connecticut, and in some ways she's right, but the general state of her life is as alike as she could make it. I'm tired of yard work, all the cleaning, and all the responsibilities of taking care of a house, at least one of our size. I don't want to hire a maid either, in spite of Marcy's occasional requests. It just doesn't sit right with me."

"I know how you feel. Kenneth and I have both refused the idea ourselves," Quentin agreed.

The badger's look softened again, getting more introspective. "Mind you, I do like the deck." He smiled sheepishly. "I really, really do."

"Adrian. I think this conversation has become rather suggestive," the Amur said with mock prudishness.

The badger pushed on, encouraged by his friend's humor. "You know, I just purchased one of those outdoor fire pits fueled by propane. I think it'll be nice to have it out there to sit around or for mood lighting while soaking. Maybe the heat can help me dry off. I'm looking forward to trying it out when it arrives; it should be here tomorrow. Marcy and I knew getting an Amazon Prime account was a good idea."

"You'll have to wait until she's gone again, though, won't you?" Quentin kept a straight face as he puffed away, hiding his renewing arousal.

"Well, it's not like she is going to check up on me like a child. I can always walk out in my trunks, slip under the water to wet them, shuck them off, and then put them on again when I go indoors. She'll never know the difference unless she comes out, and I'll hear before she can see me pull them back under the water."

"You clever man." The striped cat smiled approvingly.

"It is exciting having the water swirl around your manhood like that," Adrian continued boldly. "Maybe it's just the novelty of it, but I was like iron when Marcy was at Applebee's. It was a very freeing feeling."

Thoughts of the badger's hard cock and loose balls in the water and an eager paw working the length saturated Quentin's mind. He had to fight his own for control, not having expected his friend to deliberately feed him images that would be sure to have that reaction. It was a naughty trick, and the Amur approved completely.

"I suspect you will eventually...grow into the tub," Quentin rumbled, not looking at the badger but focusing on his tea cup as he sipped.

"I think I just described myself doing just that, Quentin." Adrian laughed. It felt surprisingly good to make someone squirm in arousal. He had not experienced the thrill of it for a long, long time. Surprisingly, the fact that it was another man did not really bother him. He was more astonished that his looks were even capable of doing it in the first place.

"I meant, my dear man, that the novelty will eventually wear off," the tiger replied calmly as he tapped out his tobacco and started refilling his pipe.

"Hopefully not too soon," the badger almost purred. He was glad his legs were crossed as he was more than half hard now, and he was not so small that a boner would go unnoticed in his slacks.

"Indeed." Quentin finally looked back and gave the man a wink.

"You should come up and try out the jacuzzi. We can order pizza and watch the fog over the trees in the woods," Adrian offered.

There was a sudden awkwardness between them. The badger had made the offer as a friend. It just tumbled out of him naturally, but he realized how it sounded after what they had just been talking about. He had not intended to make a pass at his colleague...yet now that he had, he wondered what might come of it. He quickly shoved those thoughts out of his head and apologized in embarrassment.

"I didn't mean it that way, Quentin. Please forgive me."

The tiger put a paw up, his face bearing an understanding look. "I know, Adrian. You meant for the invite to be platonic."

The badger still looked embarrassed, and despite this he was still growing. He had his cup and saucer seated naturally over his groin to hide the fact. "I said I wasn't in the best practice at flirting, especially if it's just flirtatious banter meant to be no more than that. I just mean that I would like to invite you up for a friendly meal and soak. Nothing more! I just thought it'd be fun to get together and do it." He paused and smacked his forehead. "D'oh!"

Quentin could not help laughing heartily at the double mistake. He did think the badger's pent-up frustrations contributed at least a little to these slips, but on balance, he suspected it was genuinely innocent mistakes that mostly accounted for them. "If you really just want to compare sizes, Adrian, I wouldn't object. It's a game I've never gotten tired of playing."

Having a joke to work with helped, and Adrian scowled. "Oh, hardy har har, you big lecherous satyr."

"I can't help it if I love the penis, including my own. It's a wonderful part of the male body. Of course, as a man, you understand that love affair. I dare say nearly all men do." He gave himself another pat and dared no more tonight.

The thoroughly mortified badger nodded in agreement. "I think that's true." He looked down at his cup and found it empty. He kicked himself inside for doing so as he was not soft enough yet to reach for the teapot.

Quentin noticed where his friend's eyes came to rest and the brief look of panic that played over his face. He could not help but grin inwardly, knowing the man was simmering under the surface. He did not draw attention to it however; he merely poured himself some more tea, acting as if he had forgotten his manners as he did not offer his companion any.

"As for your invitation, Adrian, I'd be delighted to accept, especially if there is fog involved. I love fog in the Hudson valley. I always get good ideas from such atmospheric sights; Kenneth does, too."

"That reminds me, how was your Gothic literature conference? I remember how excited you were to attend." Adrian was thanking God for his luck so far and trying to remain calm in his demeanor. He did not want Quentin to know how aroused he was -- even as he suspected the cat probably was aware of it and just pretending otherwise. Internally, he was torn about how to feel about it. Nevertheless, a change in topic was just what he needed to buy time for his beloved male part.

Quentin immediately brightened up at the mention of it. "Oh, Adrian, it was wonderful! I enjoyed every minute of it. Four days of events and very few literary snobs. I have occasionally been on the receiving end of those kinds who look down their noses at such a tawdry popular genre." He harrumphed in distaste.

"Oh I hate those people," Adrian agreed with a roll of his eyes. "Nothing worse than letting one of them get into their favorite topic while they tweak their nipples and stroke themselves."

The Amur laughed loudly. "I think a few of them can only get off that way."

The pudgy badger laughed and nodded in agreement. "We have some of those in the history field as I'm sure you know. Certain historical topics get short shrift, too; the Gothic aesthetic certainly can. I enjoyed your recent paper on the development of the genre in American fiction in the first half of the 20th century. That was a good read. The brief exploration of it from a queer theory perspective was very insightful."

"Thank you!" Quentin looked extremely pleased. "It's nice to know someone out there actually reads my work."

"You have more fans than that, my friend. Are you planning to expand on the topic more? You left me wanting more, so I suspect there is more."

The big cat nodded. "Oh yes. I've actually been planning a book on the topic of sexuality in the Gothic genre for a while. In fact, I've been compiling and researching on and off for a few years, writing here and there. My son has been nagging me to finish it, urging me to do a piece of popular scholarship for general readership. It's been good motivation. Even Kenneth's been telling me to get on with it."

"Let me then add my voice to that. I think making it a work for the general public is a good idea. You're an excellent scholar, but you have the gift of being very good at reaching a wider audience. You know how to entertain very intuitively. Eventually our work has to filter down to the masses. I've always admired your ability to straddle both worlds, to bridge them."

Quentin blushed a little even as he beamed brightly. "I really appreciate that, Adrian. Some of that thanks must go to Kenneth, though. He came up as a street performer and has always been firmly planted in the realm of reaching a broader audience. He considers himself an entertainer first, even in the classical field. He thinks academia gets far too incestuous."

The badger nodded as he penis finally deflated enough for him to move his tea cup. He gave it a rattle as he held it out for the tiger to refill.

"Oh, where are my manners!" Quentin said and quickly poured a cup for his friend.

"I think your husband is right," Adrian said as he sat back once more, now with just a slight mound, his shaft having bent over itself after deflating and making a nice bulge. "I think the evidence of that is around us today. People have less faith in us than ever, though that is due to more reasons than mere academic distance and overspecialization."

"Some of us are better at reaching out, and heaven knows I sometimes like being cloistered up high above the rancor of plebes. That's somewhat inevitable for us. We have doctorates in our fields, so our knowledge is considerably larger than most people's. It narrows down the list of people we can really talk to."

"Don't I know it? I just wish people wouldn't exploit that distance for nefarious purposes."

"I think we'd both be better off if we alighted at the next station. This train leads to a truly awful neighborhood," the Amur observed pointedly.

"Good thinking! Um, speaking of trains." The badger looked uncomfortable again, his paw clamping over the back of his neck. "I was wondering something."

"What is it, Adrian?"

"Would you be willing to come with me to that adult store on the corner of Broadway and 139th?"

Quentin laughed jovially. "Let me guess: you've been eyeing it for a while but have been too afraid to go in?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you do it or not?" Adrian was thoroughly embarrassed to admit this, and it did not entirely thrill him to have someone around while he purchased a Fleshlight.

"Of course, I'll come along and give you moral support. It's not an unreasonable thing to feel awkward going into such a place for the first time," the tiger said diplomatically and drained his cup of tea.

"How do you know I've never been in one before?" the badger protested.

"You've probably never so much as purchased an issue of Hustler off a subway newsstand," Quentin retorted insightfully.

"Damn you felines and your uncannily perceptive natures," his friend growled. He sighed and threw a paw up in surrender. "I have been a good boy all my life. It's not something to be ashamed of."

"I never said it was. It's admirable to stick to one's principles."

"Principles can be too squeaky clean," Adrian observed. "I want to be a little dirtier, a little less boring."

"Well, we can fix that tonight if you like," the Amur drawled, only by great force of will refraining from an accompanying leer. A good flirt knew when to restrain himself, and Adrian was still a married man.

Yet some of those looks and comments made him wonder...

"I have a little experience in these matters, so I will help you."

"I could take a cheap shot so easily, but I won't. It'd be beneath us both," the badger said, a mischievous smile coming back over his muzzle. Speak of the devil.

"Gay people don't mind cheap, dirty jokes typically, but I respect you for your self-control." Quentin's tail flicked merrily behind him.

===

The adult store somehow underwhelmed Adrian even as it fascinated him. He had been expecting something more dingy and scandalous, but what he found was a well-lit, stylish emporium of admittedly sexual implements. The store may have traded in objects considered beyond the pale where he had lived, yet they were completely legal and in a thoroughly capitalist space. Quentin had merely followed him, allowing the badger to explore on his own. Near the entrance were several displays of sexy lingerie, none of which he found very adventurous. He suddenly had an image of his wife wearing some and started laughing before clapping his paw over his mouth in embarrassment.

"What is it?" Quentin wondered, leaning in to better hear.

Adrian pointed at the clothing and shook his head. "I just had an image of my wife in this stuff."

The Amur did not think she would be well suited to any of it but gave no indication of it. "And?"

"Definitely not her style," the badger stated diplomatically. "She's not young anymore either. Still, she's in better shape than I am, so I shouldn't throw stones."

"Have you ever heard of a MILF or DILF, Adrian?" the tiger said with a collegiate air.

A chuff and a roll of the eyes followed. "I never seem to keep up with Internet slang."

"At least you recognized it as such," Quentin said encouragingly.

"True." Adrian nodded, looking less self-deprecating. "What do they stand for?"

"Mother, or Father, I'd Like to Fuck," the Amur explained. "It's meant principally to impart an appreciation that older men and women can be desirable precisely for their age and what it does for our bodies." Quentin patted his belly, looking proud of it.

Adrian looked a little scandalized. "That's bordering on the incestuous."

"I suppose it's inevitable." The towering cat shrugged. "I think it's a product of our ageist society. Truly, there is much to love about being our age, especially we men. Our bodies get bulkier, our limbs thicken, and if we live well, we get some belly." He bumped his playfully against Adrian's. "As our children loved us to hold them, our grandcubs especially love to cuddle against our bellies. It's comforting. I know I did with my grandfather."

For a change, the badger decided not to respond with negatives. His friend had made entirely valid points. And thinking of holding his tiny grandcubs never failed to melt his heart or make him smile. "I see your point."

"Well, imagine mixing that kind of comfort, the stability a parental figure can represent, and intense sexual attraction. You'd have a very powerful combination."

Adrian waited for a person to pass on by before he continued, his voice even more hushed. "But how can you act so blasé about the...problematic part I mentioned?"

Quentin chuckled. "Having reassessed nearly everything I was taught about sex, gender, and sexuality on account of my own homosexuality, I confess to having a softened stance on it. I've also played the daddy role for more than a few eager young men." He puffed his chest out proudly and grinned down at the surprised badger. "I've even had older men play the role for me. I think it's pretty harmless fantasy."

"You sure you don't have daddy issues?"

The tiger laughed, and putting his arm around Adrian's shoulder while leading him out of the lingerie and toward some bondage and leather gear, he answered breezily. "My father and I are quite close and always have been really. Yes, there was a time of tension as he worked through a lifetime of homophobic social conditioning. He had to do it for not only me but his grandson, too. He had to work through racism intersected with homosexuality when Kenneth came into the picture. My mother made sure he took all those journeys and not backslide. They're as dedicated to each other as two people can be, but my father can be provincial.

"I'll even confess that there was some lust mixed in with the intense admiration I always had for him. I wanted to be like him, a big burly man. He wanted me to go on to better things than dock work, and my parents knew I had the mind for it in spades. That's why I did bodybuilding for a while. It was part of my wish to have the physicality my father possessed in addition to lots of brains so as not to be a bookish poof." He chuckled. "Well, I did turn into exactly that. I should have said pansy instead."

Adrian could not help laughing at his friend's slip, even as he was shocked to hear the other bits. He was also intrigued. This was a very taboo topic, and he found himself hungry to explore it, at least intellectually. "Does he know you...fancied him?"

"I doubt it," Quentin answered honestly and came to a stop before some nice-looking leather outfits. "I hid things pretty well, and when I became a man, I set aside childish infatuations as much as I could."

"Really? Since when do childish infatuations, as you delicately put it, ever go away?" the badger asked insightfully.

"All right, all right, I still think he's quite attractive. He's my type, even as I've turned into an even better version, if I do say so myself." The tiger elevated his nose proudly. "I should point out, though, it's more the body type that I like and certain aspects of the personality. I have lusted after many men with similar qualities. It's not uncommon for children to have formative crushes on family members that later inform what kind of partners they like."

The badger took some time to process before his eyes widened in a realization. "Wait, are you saying I'm a DILF?" he asked in surprise.

"Oh God, yes! Adrian, you've got a total dad bod, as my son would put it." Quentin laughed at his friend's surprise. "You are a father, you are middle-aged, and you have the body that goes with it. Believe me, there are a lot of people who would find you irresistible. Don't take this the wrong way, but you've got a belly I wouldn't mind nuzzling up against." He leered a little but kept just enough distance to not make his colleague uncomfortable. He cut his eyes to the display in front of them, a simple cross-strap harness attaching to a large steel ring in the middle. "You'd look hot in that."

Adrian was flushed red by this point...and his cock was hardening again for some reason. "You gotta be shitting me!" he said in total disbelief.

"You should try it on, Adrian. You might like it," Quentin pressed playfully.

"He's right, you know," said one the employees as they walked by holding a box of merchandise to restock a nearby shelf. He was a gorgeous, young snow leopard wearing tight jeans and a printed tank top. "You can try it on if you want. With a daddy chest like that, mmm! Man, you're sex in a can! How do you think you got such a hot boyfriend?" He nodded towards Quentin who just laughed jovially, putting his arms around the badger and patting his belly.

"See, what did I tell you, dear?" the Amur asked, resting his muzzle on top of the badger's head. "Have some fun."

"The changing rooms are over there," the snow leopard continued encouragingly, once more using his head to gesture. "It's no trouble. You wanna try it?"

"Well, um, I actually just came in for...um..." Adrian felt decidedly uncomfortable. This was getting too adventurous for him. He had never had a man surround him quite like this, and the young leopard in front of him reminded him of how his youngest son sounded, except this one was eyeing him appreciatively. It suddenly struck him that both of these men found him attractive, one his age and one his son's age. It rekindled a feeling he had not experienced in a while, that of being found desirable.

He would not have ever tried to earn the attentions of them, never mind any man, before, but he had to admit it did make him feel good about himself on some level. He had long considered himself past it in looks, but here was hard proof to the contrary. Speaking of hard, he was quite plump in his trousers, and the young man had noticed. Why in the hell is this turning me on so much? he wondered in exasperation. I'm not bi or something...am I?

Adrian looked at the harness and made a split-second decision. At least it would give him a few minutes to calm down in a dressing room. "Okay," he said weakly.

Nodding affirmatively, the snow cat held his box under one toned arm and took down the harness with the other, gesturing the men to follow him. "The rooms are a bit small for both of you, so maybe you should wait outside," he said to Quentin while standing back to let Adrian enter, the garment hanging off two fingers for him to take. He winked at the badger suggestively as he passed by and closed the door behind him. "You're a cute couple."

"Thank you, young man," Quentin purred, openly taking in the lad's body.

"Let me know if you need anything," the leopard rumbled sensuously, letting his tail rub over the tiger's groin as he departed.

"Now that's what good customer service should look like," he said to the changing room door. He was surprised to hear a laugh from the badger, one that also bespoke of his relief to be out of sight. "Shall I give you a few minutes, Adrian, and let you figure that thing out?"

"I shouldn't be very long, Quentin. I can't believe I'm doing this."

"You said you wanted to be a little dirtier and less boring, as I recall you putting it. Well, here you are." He gave his own groin a rub, enjoying its thickness and weight.

"Yes, I did say that, didn't I?" the badger growled back as he finally set to taking off his jacket. "I guess you have to get a little dirty to be dirty."

"Adrian, I know this is not easy for you. I hope I have not made this more difficult. I know you feel quite out of your depth. If you don't like any of this, it is all right to say so. It's not worth it if you're not having fun." He spoke gently, sympathetically, wanting his friend to remember he was in control and not the confidently amorous Amur.

The flustered badger stood with his tie undone listening. He thought and smiled. "I appreciate that, Quentin. I am out of my element, but I have to deal with that. I want to. Truth be told, I'm now kind of curious to see what I look like in this ridiculous getup." He slipped his tie out of his collar and hung it up on a provided hook.

The Amur felt relieved. "You'll look back on this experience and laugh one day."

"I hope so." Watching himself in the mirror, the middle-aged suburbanite slipped off his vest and then started unbuttoning his shirt. "Quentin, why didn't you tell that young man we weren't a couple?"

"Because I'm a feline, and we like to play," he answered with simple truth. "He liked the sight of us both. I'll bet it wouldn't be difficult to convince him to have a ménage à trois. He also complimented my taste in men. Why should I deny compliments like that which are also true?"

Adrian groaned as he put his head in his paw. "Cats. It's hard arguing with your kind because you make too goddamned much sense no matter how outlandish the points you try to make."

Quentin laughed merrily. "In addition to the Seven Deadly Sins, felines unofficially like to recognize an eighth: dullness. No cat ever wanted to be boring."

"I've yet to meet one that was," Adrian confirmed flatly as he finally peeled off his undershirt and stood viewing himself half-naked in the mirror. He had a gut but was not yet chubby, something he was grateful for. He still had decent pectoral definition, his thick fur running down the cleft in a treasure trail and into his trousers, which also retained a noticeable bulge to them. He cupped himself, giving his sex a rub, then closed his eyes and bit his lip to keep from moaning. He really wanted to quickly rub out a load and get rid of this tension; however, he had a long ride to get back home tonight.

He opened his eyes and once more looked at his reflection, his bulge standing out more. He had a hard time believing anyone would find him sexually attractive, and that bothered him. Had he allowed himself to become so uncomfortable in his own fur? At least he still liked the look of his bulge. It never looked too bad to him, at least in private.

Not wanting to delay any further, Adrian reached over to the harness and began examining it in order to figure out how to put it on. "Hypothetically, Quentin, even if I did look good in something like this, what the hell would I do with it? It's not like it'll make Marcy wet. When she sees representations of bondage, it often makes her laugh."

"Why, you'd wear it under your clothes at work," Quentin rumbled, his tail flicking behind him.

"At work?" the badger looked up from his labors, the thing already over his back. "Why on earth would I do that?"

"Because it's sexy to do something like that even as you're the only one to know about it. It can be quite fun to just play by yourself." The Amur was now purring his responses. He felt quite aroused and decided he would visit the bathhouse tonight.

Adrian finally managed to fasten everything in place and regarded himself again in the mirror. He was softer now, thank heavens, though he would like to have seen his erection tenting his trousers while wearing the harness. Still, he approved of what he did see. He felt his biceps and thought that with a little weight training he could pull this look off a lot better. The belly just made him look fat though, he thought ruefully. "I'm ready, Quentin." He unlatched the door and revealed himself to the tiger, feeling completely silly.

Quentin quietly looked the man up and down, grinning gently and trying not to let it widen. "Yes, I think you might just have the body for it, Adrian."

"Honestly, I think I'd be less embarrassed just showing you my penis like young boys comparing."

Quentin did not comment even as he let his smirk broaden.

"I don't know. I feel like it's missing something, maybe some gauntlets or a collar," the badger continued. He spread his arms out and puffed his chest out a bit, feeling he should at least try to make it look good.

"Coming up!" It was the snow leopard again, carrying the very things Adrian had mentioned. "Great minds think alike, don't they?" He presented them to the surprised badger. "Mmm, not bad. Put these on, and you'll really bring it together."

Resisting the urge to confess his disbelief in what he was doing and thus look small in front of this attractive young man, he let the leopard help him get the things on. The collar he especially liked as it was spiked and made him look a little dangerous.

The young man whistled. "Oh Daddy! That is good on you."

"You're serious, aren't you?" Adrian finally had to ask as he looked once more in the mirror. He was still a fat badger, only now he was wearing bondage gear. He wanted to like it -- he did like it, in fact -- but it just seemed ridiculous that anyone else would like him in it.

"You're new to this, aren't you?" the employee asked wryly, openly admiring the daddy badger.

"Gee, does it show?" Adrian retorted sarcastically. "How does this old body make this look appealing?" He had to know, even if it was from a boy young enough to be his son.

"You're stocky and big-boned," the employee said as he made some adjustments to the straps over Adrian's chest. "You got a mature musk coming off that thick fur of yours, and you got a nice treasure trail coming down the cleft of your cavernous pecs." He was purring as he ran his finger down said passage.

Adrian was speechless, unable to answer.

The leopard adjusted the straps over the shoulders and let his paws feel them, slowly working down the arms. "I like your arms as they are. I'll bet you give good hugs. With some work, you could rock a muscle daddy look in this. You'd be even hotter." He was now sporting a mound in his jeans to match the renewed one in the daddy badger's slacks. He gave it an appreciative look and licked his chops.

Adrian had to think fast. He felt strangely young again, and he had to come up with something witty and suggestive before the rhythm was lost. Since Quentin had been playing along with the charade, he wondered if maybe he should attempt it.

"You think so, son?" He felt very weird saying that to someone not one of his sons and under such erotic circumstances. He took a little step forward and put an arm around the cat, drawing him closer, even as he found himself breathing a bit harder.

The snow leopard seemed quite pleased to have earned the badger's reciprocations. He rested his paws on the man's chest and leaned in a bit closer. "Definitely."

"You wanna smell Papa's musk up close?" Adrian moved his head closer. It was foreplay, but he knew how to act like a father. It was clearly having an effect on the snow leopard, who was now quite hard and producing a very pleasant scent.

The lad finally leaned in, buried his nose in the man's chest fur, and inhaled deeply, moaning as he did so. His arms came to encircle the badger's body as he nuzzled against the fur and purred like a motor.

Adrian's paw came on its own accord up to the feline's head and gently stroked it and his ears. He looked up at Quentin in amazement, looking for clarification on this bizarre situation. The Amur just shrugged and reached down to heft his crotch to signal the young man's assessments were accurate.

"I take it you like it, too, Quentin," the badger rumbled paternally, in spite of himself.

"Oh yes," answered the towering tiger affirmatively. "You look so good you've attracted a lost boy. You wanna come home with us, cub?" Quentin asked as he came up behind the snow leopard, pressing his groin into the lad's rump. It was all Adrian could do not to goggle; even for what he knew of the Amur's randy nature, this was shockingly bold and public...but there was something thrilling about it, too.

"Oh hell yeah!" the lad answered enthusiastically as he ground his cock in turn against Adrian's, his nose sniffing around the man's shoulders and neck as he enjoyed being petted. "Can I, Papa?" he asked the badger, looking up at him.

That totally caught the man off guard, freezing him in place, but fortunately Quentin came to the rescue. "I'm afraid we'll have to take a raincheck, son. We both are going out of town for a conference, and we fly out early tomorrow morning. We're just amusing ourselves in the City before getting our train home." Adrian silently said "thank you" to the Amur and looked completely relieved.

"Damn. I understand, though." The snow cat finally stood up again, leaning back to nuzzle the tiger before turning back to the badger. He kept his arms around his broad figure and his groin pressed firmly to his. "I work nights, Dad, and I'm off Tuesdays and Wednesdays." He took one last whiff of musk and let it sink in. "You are hotter than you think, you know." He touched his nose to that of his nervous customer. "You got nothing to be ashamed of."

With that he gave him a kiss on the mouth. It was all Adrian could do to play it cool and not recoil out of shock (and some disgust, he was extremely ashamed to admit deep down). The snow leopard only smiled and winked. "Guess you are pretty new to all of this. Give it time. It takes a while to get over a lifetime of being in the closet."

His face was utterly dumbfounded and he stuttered for a moment to answer before getting his senses back and just letting it drop. "How much is all this, son?"

"The price will make your eyes go dinner plate, I'm afraid, but that's the reality of leather gear." He leaned in to whisper it in the badger's ear.

"What??" Adrian asked loudly.

"Yeah." The employee nodded in sympathy. "Still, doesn't it make you feel good?" He pushed his cock again into the badger's still hard sex to emphasize the point.

Adrian was quite conflicted as to how to feel about that action. He was actually leaking in his underwear, and the friction felt good. He was a married straight man, though, and this was really going too far for him, even as a game. Yet, he could not deny that he was starting to get into it. He could not remember a time when he had felt, well, sexy. This boy was like putty in his paws. He had wanted to feel attractive again, and without doing really anything he had someone ready to jump into his bed with all eagerness at the drop of a hat. That was a powerful boost to his confidence and ego.

"Yes, that does. I thought I was past it." The boy gave him a very sympathetic look that clearly disagreed with the assessment. Looking up to Quentin, he continued with a smile. "Of course, Papa Quentin has been helping me with that, haven't you, love?" He had to smirk at the cat. In spite of everything, he was still getting a few clever moves in. Not bad for a frumpy middle-aged badger with no experience in any of this.

"Quite right, hon," the tiger agreed, lowering his head to look directly in the badger's eyes. "And as expensive as it is, it's not out of your budget. It's no sin to treat yourself occasionally. That's what you came here for."

"Hear, hear!" the young lad said.

"I came here, young man, for a Fleshlight because I've always wanted one." He ruffled the lad's headfur playfully. "And I still intend to purchase one. You'd like to help Daddy with that, wouldn't you?" He gave the cat's nose a quick lick.

"Definitely! What about the leather gear, though?"

He thought for a while, looked at Quentin, and when he saw his encouraging look, he caved. "Oh, why the hell not? Just the harness and collar, though. I'm not so crazy about these gauntlets." He held up an arm and examined it idly. "Now, would you help me unhook this? It's awkward reaching back there."

"Sure, Dad," the snow leopard answered affirmatively as he was led into the changing room. The door naturally shut behind them. Once getting the garment off, Adrian began to get dressed again. He had to open his pants to tuck in his shirts and was still sporting quite a hardon in his briefs. He saw the cat eyeing him with his tongue out.

"Don't tell me you like these underwear? Nothing cool about them."

"They're classic." The snow leopard was inching forward, his paw out to cup the bulge. Instead of stopping him, Adrian just let it happen, hissing as that strong paw came into contact with it and gave it a gentle squeeze. He had quite a wet spot in his underwear now. It even got on the cat's fingers, who brought them to his maw and licked them clean. "God, I want to suck you off right here," he whispered to Adrian...but it sounded so loud in the badger's ears.

The man had been tempted before on far smaller possibilities than this, but this was the first really sure thing. It could even happen right here in this changing room. All he had to do was latch the door and let his eager "son" go to work. Never had it crossed his mind to let a man take care of his needs, but then that would make sex so much easier without having to worry about pregnancy or wooing a woman into his bed. This was much more direct, and he was really liking this lad's quite genuine attraction.

After all, what had been the point of baring his soul to Quentin all night but to ask, at length, if maybe it would be all right to go looking for his sexual fix elsewhere but home? He was not getting it from Marcy anymore, and he would not likely be getting any in the near future. It was driving him crazy, and here was someone practically throwing themselves at him!

It was in a store, in the City. Quentin was standing outside the door, a man with whom he was pretending to be in a relationship. It was inappropriate on so many levels, but it was the dirtier, naughtier, less boring thing he had been wanting to indulge in.

Yes, he realized now that he had been trying to work himself up to finally striking out and having a shot at a sex life again. It did not mean he loved his wife any less. If this was what it took to scratch the itch, well, maybe he just had to accept the risk.

His cock twitched and oozed pre. He was harder than he had been in a long time. He was not going to make it back to his boring little suburb before he blew his load.

Adrian flicked the latch on the door and looked directly in the lad's eyes, breathing harder than ever now. "Be quick, son. Daddy ain't gonna be long anyway."

The young cat wasted no time sinking to his knees and peeling the badger's white briefs down. He moaned at the sight of the man's cock and ran his tongue up the leaky shaft before closing his head over the top. He felt his papa's paws clasp his head, a sure sign the man wanted some deep throat action. He obliged happily and went all the way down, taking the girth easily, and burying his nose in the very warm groin fur. Adrian held his head close against his lap, savouring the feeling of being hilted in like that.

"Oh fuck, son! I'm gonna blow soon. I hope you're ready." Adrian really could feel his load preparing itself. He did not like to have to demonstrate a hair-trigger, but he was too worked up for anything else. He instinctively started face-fucking the snow cat while he tried to hold his grunts in. He rested his forehead on the door, his eyes tightly closed and his teeth bared. When he felt the lad's paws on his heavy balls, he finally blew like a volcano. He could not help letting out a muffled growl as he flooded the young man's maw. His claws dug into the cat's skull in a tight grip as wave after wave seemed to flow endlessly, making him weak in the knees as he gave up more than he could ever remember for such a quick session.

He lost track of time but eventually came back to himself -- and as he realized his head was hurting from being pushed so hard into the door, he gingerly stood back up. He was panting, his body still coursing with endorphins from his exertions. He heard a sound from below and remembered the boy. He looked like he wanted off and was knocking against the badger's leg for respite.

"Oops! Sorry, son!" Adrian said, swiftly letting go of the leopard's head and backing up. He suddenly marveled at how naturally he was calling him "son" and was not sure how to feel about it -- even though it felt good, too. He watched the cat gratefully take in a few gulps of air. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, just needed some air! You take up a lot of room with that soda-can cock," the store employee answered playfully as he gripped the still-hard cock and gave it a squeeze. He started cleaning it off properly, which generally only made it drip more. "I think you'll need more than a single round, Dad. Think you can do another quickie?"

The badger's eyes cut around him, listening carefully, weighing the chance of getting caught before looking back down. He shucked his pants down, stepped out of his underwear, and sat on the seat provided. "Good idea, boy. Better be safe. Don't want to mess myself on the train."

===

Adrian and Quentin finally stepped out of the shop and into the cold night air. The badger stood taller than usual while looking quite pensive. His "son" had pulled two additional loads out of him before he felt ready to stop. Afterwards, he had also been very helpful in helping Adrian to select the right Fleshlight. The badger now had a nondescript bag holding the toy, its shower mount, maintenance gear, his harness, and the spiked collar hanging from his paw. He still felt in a daze; he could hardly accept what had happened.

"Adrian?" Quentin intoned gently. The two had not said much to each other after the badger's encounter, and the Amur had been looking a bit worried.

"Hmm?"

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Why weren't you waiting at the door when we came out?" the badger wondered, approaching the matter obliquely.

"I wanted to give you some privacy," the tiger explained. "I realized when the latch was engaged that I should quietly wander away."

Adrian nodded in acknowledgement of the sensibility of his actions. He actually appreciated them. They seemed possessed of far more than his own. "Well, Quentin, I've done it. I finally did something I have wanted to do for a very long time, though I would never have imagined it happening with a man and certainly not in such circumstances."

"How do you feel?" his friend asked as they walked slowly toward the subway station on 137th St.

"Oh, Quentin, I feel like a million bucks physically!" the badger exclaimed, groaning in frustration. "I didn't know I could still get that hard or cum that much. But I also feel the guilt coming on. I just cheated on Marcy." He wanted to ask Quentin why he did not try to stop them, but that would have been an unfair question. The tiger did not exactly refrain from feeding the fire, though...

Quentin said nothing but merely listened. If he had learned one thing from his friend Nieve over the years it was to listen and let people work out their issues on their own as much as possible, especially when they were smart enough to do so as Adrian certainly was.

"Was this inevitable? Was I just fooling myself that I could stay faithful in a sexless marriage? I came to you looking for advice on cheating. That was really it. I wouldn't admit it to myself at the time, but to deny it now would be pretty academic and silly."?? "I would never have advised infidelity, Adrian," Quentin responded pointedly, yet gently.

"I didn't mean to imply so!" Adrian put his paws up in a peace gesture. "I can't hold you accountable for any of this. It was my choice, and I knew what I was doing." He paused outside the station entrance, leaning against the railing while people came in and out. "Come to think of it, you didn't give much advice at all. You listened -- a lot."

Quentin nodded sagely. "I've learned that the best way to give advice is often not to give it. People can usually advise themselves pretty well when they have a good listener to talk to."

"That's pretty profound." The badger nodded.

"It only works, however, if the person needing counsel isn't a fool," the tiger added, smiling at his friend.

"I appreciate your vote of confidence, Quentin," Adrian replied, smiling weakly. "I wonder if your assessment is really spot-on, though." He looked at the sidewalk for a while, not really focusing on anything as he thought. "And I'd like an answer to my question about the inevitability of my infidelity."

"I couldn't answer, Adrian. I'm not you, and I certainly can't see the future."

Adrian gave him a look that said the answer was not helpful even if he could not fault its veracity. "What does your extensive experience tell you?"

Quentin ignored the slight dig at his promiscuity. He figured he deserved at least that much. "I have been with my share of married men, for my sins. I try to stick to ones that are in open arrangements, and sometimes in your situation or men who are closeted. Being with married men, I admit, makes me quite hot. My experience has taught me that more often men will stray outside the marriage bed for their needs. Few people can tolerate celibacy for very long or are willing to."

"That makes me feel a little better. Even if it does feel like making excuses."

"What made you do it, Adrian? I honestly had not expected any of this to happen."

"Why do you think, Quentin?" the badger burst out at last. "Haven't I been whining to you for two hours how horny I've been and trying to hide my hardons like I'm back in high school? I'm a desperate man, and this opportunity was just too good to pass up. I'm not made of stone, and I finally broke. I had forgotten what it felt like to be desirable... Hell, I'd never experienced anyone salivating over me!" He rubbed a shaky paw over his face.

"That was a new and wonderful feeling. That boy touched buttons I didn't know I had. I didn't know being a father could make me so hot to someone else or that playing one could turn me on. And before I knew it, I was getting sucked off in an adult sex store changing room!" He paused, then admitted the truth. "Guilty as I may feel, I can't bring myself to regret it. I want to do it again."

"Do you?" Quentin was completely unreadable. It was driving his friend crazy.

After a few moments of consideration, the badger nodded firmly. "Yes. The genie is out of the bottle, and I'm not putting him back in. I'm not going back inside that cage again. I said I wouldn't leave Marcy over sex, and I won't. Maybe I'll tell her about it, maybe I won't. If I don't, I wouldn't be the first man to keep flings secret from his wife. It's an old if morally questionable tradition. If I do tell her, she'll either have to accept my need for an outlet or she'll leave me. The deed's done, and I wouldn't go back to the way things were even if I could."

"Maybe I shouldn't have brought you here. I do feel a little responsible about what's happened, Adrian. I hadn't meant it." The tiger sounded regretful, even a bit ashamed.

"I know you were trying to help, Quentin," Adrian stopped him. "You have, a lot. You couldn't predict that some boy would throw himself at me like that, or that I'd get so hot as to accept, or that I'd end up liking the leather gear. Maybe your playing up our being a couple of dating daddies added fuel to the fire, but I could have stopped things many times and chose not to. I have to accept that.

"We were having fun, and then things suddenly took a turn. I didn't expect it was going to happen when we went into the dressing room. I just wanted help getting the harness unlatched. I had to open my pants, and I let him grope me. When he offered his mouth, I accepted. It was a split-second decision. If you want to do penance, then continue to keep my confidences as sacrosanct as a Confessor."

"Of course, Adrian." The Amur put his paw on the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable. He really had not expected things to go this way.

"What is it? It's never a good sign when a feline looks worried," the badger commented.

"I don't think I would feel good hearing about any additional conquests. It would be especially awkward if Marcy was around." He put it as delicately as he could, but it was a stipulation he felt he had to make as a reasonably moral man.

"Oh, Quentin, I wouldn't be so gauche! I'm shocked you think I'd be otherwise. I was only speaking of what happened here tonight." He did look hurt.

"Oh...oh! My mistake, then. Forgive me, dear friend." He put an apologetic paw on the badger's arm.

Adrian sighed and frowned. "Still, I can understand why you'd say that. You know, I really don't want to have any secrets from Marcy. I'm not saying we've never kept small things from each other. All couples do. This isn't small or innocuous, though... Boy, I have screwed up! I've just brought everything to a head. This is why you're not supposed to think with your johnson. I'm more than old enough to know that."

"No matter how old we get or how wise, it doesn't mean we always heed our own wisdom's advice, Adrian," the tiger explained sadly. "That's the thing about sex, isn't it? The power of its allure can be irresistible sometimes. Our culture tells us to be ashamed of it, but I don't think that's terribly helpful. It generally acknowledges that people have the need but under-appreciates the necessity of answering it regularly. Couples with healthy sex lives don't generally cheat on each other. It's more common when the romance fizzles out."

"That sounds awfully close to blaming the wife for not putting out." Adrian frowned.

"Well, isn't that essentially your situation?" Quentin pointed out directly. "She doesn't owe you her body; she isn't your possession. Nevertheless, a sex life is part of the marital deal. If that is suddenly retracted by one party, it leaves the other in a bind. As a reason for cheating, it is an understandable one. I think marriages would be in better shape if couples actually talked about these things honestly and made plans. We place a lot of emphasis on sexual fidelity but make no plan B for when the romance dries up."

"It sounds to me like you're essentially on the side of it being acceptable to cheat under certain circumstances," Adrian responded just as directly; he couldn't deny, however, that as usual his friend made some very astute and important points.

Quentin sighed in defeat. "Yes, I suppose so, pusillanimous fool that I am for trying to skirt it." His ears flattened against his head and his tail drooped.

Silence hung between them for a time before the badger smirked and shook his head. "Look at us, eh? A pair of middle-aged fools with fancy degrees and lots of money yet falling flat on their faces outside a subway station in Harlem."

"Oh, I hate it when this happens," the tiger said ruefully. "You see, even we felines can become too confident for our own good. You might say we're human after all, but it's another unofficial sin for a cat to say that." He chuckled.

"Let's not let this come between us, Quentin," Adrian replied warmly, gravely. "I value your friendship, and I think you do mine. It's a difficult time, and maybe we haven't always done our best by each other. No one's perfect. Let's support each other and get through this mess. Deal?" He held out his paw.

Quentin beamed and took the offered paw firmly. "Deal, my dear Adrian."

The two embraced instead of shaking paws. It seemed to alleviate the heaviness for a bit and give them both hope.

"I don't know when I'll tell Marcy, but I'm going to. I owe her that much. I did vow to be honest to her, and forgiveness is a virtue as she's often pointed out." The badger smiled to himself. "I do love that woman. She's been very good to me over the years, all things considered. I just hope she doesn't kill me."

"If you give her the ultimatum you mentioned, I doubt she'll be happy," Quentin observed apprehensively.

"I doubt she will be, and I don't like the idea of issuing one to her. But I see no alternative that I can live with. In this case, there isn't really a middle ground. I'm either seething in resentful celibacy or enjoying the dulce vita."

"I hope it works out somehow, Adrian. You know, there are couples that do strike these bargains. They're not so uncommon as you think, even amongst the vile heterosexuals."

Adrian laughed at his friend's comment. "You know, I think I can see why being into men would be a blessing. In many ways, it's easier dealing with my own sex. There are things I can talk about with men that I can't always with women. There are things we understand about our sex that women never seem to. I suppose they could say the same on their side. The ease of getting sex is certainly appealing, too."

"Oh, good! My covert efforts at converting you have paid off! You've tasted the forbidden fruit, and now there's no way back!" the tiger said dramatically, leaning in with his fingers out and quivering villainously. The badger couldn't help but laugh, a deep and full belly laugh that made him feel far better.

"Hmm, I've had the attentions of a son," he mused flirtatiously, after he had recovered. "Maybe next I should try a daddy."

"It does have its charms for sure." Quentin elevated his nose proudly and polished his knuckles on the lapel of his coat, eyebrows arched meaningfully.

Adrian chose to ignore that -- for the moment. "Well, I suppose it's time I got going. I have a lot of thinking to do... What a way to start the Christmas season."

The Amur nodded and moved to the stairs. "Yes, I suppose you're right. Kenneth is probably wondering where I am."

"What a mess I've gotten myself into," the badger repeated as he joined in descending the stairs to the mezzanine. "Well, at least I got great head for it. It's a small comfort, but I'll take it."

"Indeed, you've certainly got a willing participant. I'll bet you could have gotten that boy's number."

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, Adrian turned and grinned at his friend. "What makes you think I didn't? And by the way, his name's Theo."

Quentin could only answer with a stare of surprise before it was his turn to burst into laughter.