FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Not waking up in Lachlan's arms felt strange and empty.

I sighed as I rolled over in bed and reached out for my phone to check the time. I noticed I had missed a call from my mum. Part of me didn't want to call her back in case there was intrusive questions, but I knew that avoiding her would make it worse.

I tapped at the call back button and waited as the tone sounded.

"Malcolm!" my mum said as she picked up. Her tone sounded surprised and relieved.

"Hi mum," I replied. "I hope you're well?"

"I am, how was Italy, I hope you had fun?"

I was surprised at how breezy her tone was.

"It was great, there was a lot of natural beauty and good food. I went swimming in a lake which was fun," I said, adopting an enthusiastic but cautious tone.

"Good, and how about your friend you went with, did he enjoy it?"

"He did."

"What was it he does again?" mum asked. "I can't remember what you told me. Is he a history student like you?"

"Of sorts," I said. "He researches it."

Dammit, why is this going wrong already. How can I get out of this?

"Does he work for the university?"

"Um, yes."

"He's not a lecturer is he?" my mum asked with what sounded like a horrified laugh.

Fuck, what do I say?

The pause was enough to answer my mum's question.

"Malcolm?" she said. "Is he a staff member?"

"Yes," I sighed, bracing myself for the fireworks.

There was a moment of awkward silence. I could hear my mum breathing at the other end.

"Well, I didn't expect that," she eventually settled on. "Is that a good idea, what would the university say about this?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

"Malcolm, I could handle you being gay, believe me that wasn't an issue in the long run, but seeing a lecturer like that is not something I expected. I'm worried this will have very bad consequences indeed if anyone finds out. Who knows about this?"

"Um, just a couple of my friends, they haven't told anyone what's going on," I said. I was trying to keep my tone calm but I could feel my voice cracking.

"This could be very bad Malcolm," my mum repeated. "I'm worried."

"He's a nice man," I tried protesting. "I love him."

"I'm sure he is nice, but you need to think about what you are doing!"

"Please can we not have this discussion," I sighed.

"Malcolm, you need to think," my mum began, but I hung up.

My heart was pounding hard and there was a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt like I was about to have a panic attack, but I lay still and forced myself to breathe until my heart rate slowed to a more comfortable pace.

"For fuck sake," I eventually sighed.

I had an hour until I had to go in for class, so I made my way to the shower but my mum's words kept echoing through my mind.

I was still seething to myself as I dressed and grabbed my bag. I made my way out to the car and wondered if my mum would contact the university. I forced myself to think she wouldn't be that intrusive although tufts of my fur were still standing up.

I continued the drive to campus grumbling to myself under my breath.

Lachlan's behaviour the previous evening was also weighing on my mind. He had seemed very cautious and on edge compared to his usual carefree demeanour.

Still, today can't get any worse. I hope.

Hudson and Charlotte were already waiting by the carpark as I pulled up.

"Hey!" I called as I climbed out.

"Ready for another compulsory class?" Hudson said with a yawn. "We're doing a class on how to get jobs with history." I'd forgotten that we had an occasional compulsory class in the middle of the week which either involved a guest speaker, or like Friday's class, some kind of pep talk. "And we're getting our results too," Charlotte continued. "Speaking of which, you did manage to submit yours Hudson?"

"With ten minutes to spare, and tonight I'll reward myself by seeing Leon," Hudson grinned.

"Should I make a sex joke?" I offered.

"You could but it won't be as good as mine," Hudson replied, sticking his tongue out.

"Why don't we look at our grades in the library and then head to class? You boys can then discuss sex all you want afterwards," she chuckled.

"Sorry," Hudson and I replied in unison.

Charlotte grinned to herself as we began walking to the library. Being around my friends was starting to make me feel better.

The coffee kiosk was mostly empty and we sat down at the same table as yesterday.

"I'll be amazed if I get higher than a B," Hudson sighed as we booted up our laptops.

"Oh ye of little faith," I chuckled.

The online submission system displayed our grades if we logged in directly. I angled my computer screen away from everyone and entered my details. The page began loading.

"Jeez, this is going bloody slowly," Hudson sighed.

"I bet everyone is trying to log on at once," I shrugged.

As soon as the words had escaped my mouth the page appeared and I frantically searched for my grade. I admit, my mouth fell open.

"What did you get, an F?" Hudson teased.

"No, quite the opposite in fact," I replied.

The grade A was displayed on my screen. Hudson glanced over my shoulder and his mouth dropped open too.

"Man, that must have been a good blowjob you gave him to get that score," he laughed.

I shushed Hudson and motioned with my paw for him to pipe down.

"What did you get?" I asked, glancing at his screen.

"B plus," he replied. "Not bad for someone who finished it last night."

We both turned to Charlotte who was fixing me a curious expression.

"So, whaddaya get?" Hudson asked.

"I'll tell you later," she said tersely before moving to close her laptop. As her screen went down I caught a brief glance of _A-_written on her screen. "Right, shall we go to class?"

I stuffed my laptop back into my bag and followed Hudson and Charlotte as they began walking.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Charlotte replied.

Her tone wasn't angry, but there was certainly a frosty edge to it and I noticed she was facing dead forwards rather than looking me in the eye.

"You sure?" Hudson added.

"Yeah, positive," Charlotte said abruptly.

Hudson glanced at me and shrugged. We continued walking in silence to the lecture room.

"I wonder who is teaching us today?" I mused.

"Fuck if I know," Charlotte sighed. "You could always check the schedule online."

"Woah, did you just swear," Hudson laughed in disbelief. "You swearing is not supposed to happen."

"I can swear if I want," Charlotte shrugged. "I'm not feeling good at the moment, honestly."

"Oh, okay," Hudson replied, still looking shocked.

I kept my mouth shut as we walked to the entrance to the lecture theatre. The lecture was thankfully in one of the larger theatres which meant not being stuck in a stuffy small room for an hour.

We sat towards the back and I slid my phone out of my pocket. No one was looking in my direction, so I tapped out a quick message to Lachlan.

My dear fox, I hope you're well today. Can't wait to speak soon xx

I put my phone away as a Pine Marten lecturer walked into the room and stood at the front.

"Who is that?" Hudson asked.

"That's Dr Godwin, he mostly teaches third year and post-grad students," Charlotte explained.

Her tone seemed a little less edgy which was good, but I could still sense tenseness radiating off her body.

Dr Godwin cleared his throat and everyone fell silent.

"Hello everyone, I hope you're all doing well today. No doubt some of you are probably wondering who I am. I'm Dr Ewan Godwin and I'll be taking today's session," he announced. "We'll be focusing how to use history in the job market. Now, we'll start with a brainstorming session before we move onto a general discussion."

I cocked an ear as he began speaking. Dr Godwin seemed more interesting than Stenning-Brown but he didn't have the flawless and handsome charm that Lachlan had.

Oh Lachlan, please answer my message.

_ _ "So, what can we do with history? Come on, speak up!"

"Teaching! Museum work! Archives! Military!"

I listened to the various answers. The military part made me think of Lachlan.

I wonder what could he be up to right now?

_ _ Dr Godwin began talking about his career in the civil service.

"I did history and uni, and then I was connected to the ministry of defence, and worked with job to do with financing submarines. Unfortunately, the government cut the defence budget so clearly I didn't do a good enough job," he explained.

Everyone laughed and I forced myself to join in just to take my mind off things. Charlotte wasn't laughing and instead was looking down at her notebook. I knew why she was annoyed. I had a higher grade than her and it had been given to me by Lachlan.

Great, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse.

Part of me thought Charlotte was overreacting. An A- was still a good grade, and not much lower than an A. She also knew that all essays were marked anonymously. I wondered whether to point out that Lachlan had said to me there would be no favouritism, but something told me it wouldn't help matters.

Instead, I sat in silence for the rest of the lecture, listening half-heartedly to the class discussion until Dr Godwin finished.

"Thank you everyone, I hope you all have a good day," he concluded before reaching to grab his coat.

I stuffed my belongings into my bag and followed everyone out of the room.

Charlotte didn't seem as tense but her face was unreadable.

"Sooo, anyone wanna grab a milkshake?" Hudson asked.

"Not right now," Charlotte sighed. "Sorry, I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails. I need to calm down and stop being dramatic."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"You don't need to be sorry dude, didn't you say the essays were marked anonymously?" Hudson said. "Even if you're probably great in bed," he added with a chuckle.

"Boys!" Charlotte grumbled. "Is all you can think of is sex?"

"Sorry," Hudson shrugged before shooting me a surreptitious grin.

I gazed at the ground and didn't return it. Between fighting with my mum and having Charlotte mad at getting a lower grade than me I wasn't in the mood for joking around.

We continued walking in an awkward silence until we reached the student union building.

"I'd better get going," Charlotte said in a despondent tone. "We've got reading for Lachlan's class tomorrow."

"Um, well have a safe ride home," I said, trying to sound calm.

Charlotte nodded and fixed me a faint smile.

"Thank you, I'll see you both tomorrow," she said, before turning and heading in the direction of the bike shed.

"Bloody hell, what a drama queen," Hudson muttered.

"Please," I sighed. "I've had enough conflict for today." Hudson fixed me a quizzical glance. "I had a fight with my mum. She discovered Lachlan is a professor here."

"Oh man," Hudson said. He reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I think we should get a drink."

"I'm not in the mood for alcohol."

"No, I mean soda or coffee," Hudson replied.

"Oh, okay. I guess we could."

I followed Hudson into the Student Union building and we sat at a booth close to the bar.

"Let's sit for an hour or so, and then I'm meeting Leon," Hudson explained. "I can't wait to introduce you."

Something in the way Hudson announced that he was going to meet Leon as soon as we'd sat down irritated me, but I bit my tongue and said nothing.

"That would be nice," I said in a diplomatic tone.

"So, whaddaya want?"

"Um, just a lemonade is fine by me," I shrugged.

"No vodka in it?" Hudson grinned.

"Nope."

I watched as he went to the bar before pulling my phone out. There was still no reply from Lachlan. I didn't feel concerned just yet as I knew he was teaching, but I longed to be able to talk to him.

Hudson returned a minute later with a coke for himself and my lemonade.

"Have you spoken to Foxybutt today?" he asked, setting the drinks down.

"Not yet," I sighed. "He'll be busy right now. He was pretty quiet yesterday too."

"Quiet?" Hudson repeated, taking a sip of his drink before wincing. "Fuck, I always forget they water this down."

"Yeah, he didn't seem himself somehow."

"Go on," Hudson said, taking another sip.

"I don't know, not as romantic as he usually is, but then again he'd just come out of a late meeting," I shrugged.

"Probably tired," Hudson agreed. "Wait for him to message and I'm sure he'll be fine."

As if on cue a phone buzzed and I looked down at mine, expecting to see a message from Lachlan. There was nothing. I glanced back up to see Hudson gazing intently at his screen.

"Aww, Leon says he has a surprise for me," Hudson grinned. "I wonder what that could be?"

"I wonder," I replied in a less than enthusiastic tone.

"I wonder if he's got me a gift, or we're going out for dinner," Hudson said, listing the ideas on his paw and seemingly forgetting I was feeling down. "Or a movie. Hey, us two, Leon and Foxybutt should go on a double date sometime, clandestinely though."

"That sounds good," I replied, trying to muster a smile, although inside I could see how distracted Hudson was.

"I wanna go and see that new alien invation movie, you know, When It Happened?"

"I want to go and see the new Dingo Max, with Lachlan," I replied.

"Bah, that's not out for ages yet!" Hudson said. "Aren't they still making it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think we should go see When It Happened."

I listened to Hudson chatter away for the next few minutes without properly registering anything.

"What's your thoughts, I know you like them?" Hudson asked. "Earth to Malc?"

"Huh, you've lost me?"

"I was asking your opinion on underwear, I know you like buying sexy pairs. What brands should I get?" Hudson asked. "I want to impress Leon."

"Oh, I see, well I like Calvin Klein, Andrew Christian, Aussiebum, Pump," I replied, listing all the brands on my paw. "Um, that's all I can think of."

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'm wondering if I should head home soon."

"Suit yourself, I probably gotta get going soon too."

I realised I hadn't drunk much of my lemonade. I took a large gulp and winced as the fizzy liquid burnt down my throat.

We both stood and gathered our bags.

"Have fun with Leon," I said.

"Thanks man, you have a good evening and take care of yourself," Hudson replied, wagging his tail.

I mustered a smile in response before turning to the door. There was still no sign of any messages on my phone. I wasn't sure what time Lachlan's classes finished but I wanted to hear something from him soon.

My car was waiting in the carpark and I climbed into the front. Just as I slotted the keys into the ignition my phone buzzed. I glanced down and breathed a sigh of relief as I saw Lachlan's name.

My dear Shep, sorry I was quiet today. Had a lot going on. I'll message you soon, we need to do something special together as I promised yesterday. I'll call you later xx

A grin spread across my muzzle.

Finally, something good is happening today.

I began typing a text back.

My dear fox, not at all. Glad to hear from you. I can't wait for you call.

I paused before adding Charlotte was quite sad about her result, I think she thought...

"No, bad idea," I said out loud before deleting that portion of the message.

I hit send and glanced up to see a black Land Rover was waiting for my parking spot. An impatient looking Labrador was sitting behind the wheel. I fixed them a nervous smile as I backed out and drove off.

The drive home took about twenty minutes and I raced to my room after pulling up on Aunt Ruth's driveway.

I knew I should message my mum so I threw myself down on the bed and began typing out a message.

Hi mum, hope you're okay? I love you xx

I didn't want to say too much, but I wanted her to know I still cared even though her comments from earlier were frustrating me.

I rolled onto my back and gazed out of the window. I could hear the wind blowing outside and the afternoon light shining through the tree branches cast weird shadows across the ceiling. A wry grin spread across my muzzle as I remembered I had been supposed to help Aunt Ruth with the back garden.

That would have to wait for another time.

I remained on the bed, idly playing with my phone as I waited for Lachlan to call. My phone remained silent. I kept rolling over, shed my shirt as I got warm and made a nest out of the covers.

My heart was starting quicken as I continued waiting.

I was half-aware of the front door opening and closing downstairs as Aunt Ruth and Thomas came home, but I kept my attention fixed on my phone.

"Hey, Malcolm are you eating with us?" Thomas called.

"Not today!" I shouted back.

I heard the sound of my phone buzz and I scrambled to find it.

"Shit, where is it?" I gasped out loud.

"What did you say?" Thomas shouted.

"Nothing!" I replied.

I lifted up the covers and found my phone tangled up in the sheets. My heart was in my mouth as I opened Lachlan's message.

My dear Shep, something quite serious has happened at home. I'll be in contact with updates. Sorry I didn't call you sooner. I promise I will, just need to sort a few things out. I love you xx

"What the hell?" I muttered to myself.

Something was certainly up.