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"Eli..."

Lynn heaved another sigh, turning to look out the window at the hills as they passed by. At least the drive there and back wasn't so bad. Long, open highways she could do; thick, dense city roads, not so much. One provided a smooth and easy way to cool off, to step away from stress and worries and just listen to whatever music came on and watch the clouds, the billboards, the grass, while the other just stirred that stress up into a hot, frothing mess.

Usually. Today, though, with the early-evening sun just barely starting to sink down behind the hills in the distance, she could feel that same bubbling locked tight in her chest, with the smooth empty road doing nothing to relieve it.

"It's just... well..." Why was it suddenly so hard? That had been part of why she'd asked him on this date. She already had it all planned out, what she'd say, what she'd tell him, things she'd offer against his various responses. This wouldn't be the first time she'd had to shut something down within a week of it starting, but this time it felt... it was harder. Her stomach had been rumbling at her before she'd pulled into her parking space earlier, and yet now looking down at her soup, thin tendrils of smoke curling up into her nose and warming her whiskers... it seemed bland.

_ _

And his eyes. God, his eyes, his muzzle. He knew what she was going to say before the words came out of her mouth.

_ _

"I'm... not really - on the market right now, in that manner of speaking. It's just that I..."

_ _

No, she thought to herself then. You can't let them know your reasons and explanations. Half the time they don't listen, and the other half of the time, they use those reasons against you. Rodney was the kind who always listened, and he was without a doubt the worst.

_ _

Her mouth felt dry. God, why was this so difficult this time? She'd turned down as many boys throughout high school and her current college career as she had fingers on her paws. A couple of girls, too. This one, though... like having to untangle a fishhook caught in her skin, where all of her other experiences had just been brushing some loose fur off of her pants.

_ _

"I've been thinking about the whole thing. And I don't... want..."

_ _

What don't you want?

_ _

"...I don't want to push for there to be anything that shouldn't be. You know? So I... I think we should..." Wan attempt at a smile. Eli tried to return it. God, was that really how she looked? Inhale, exhale. "Wait and see what happens."

_ _

The wild dog nodded, wetted his lips, looked out the window, swallowed, flared his nostrils in a quiet sigh. He hadn't touched his food, either. The silence stretched on, uncomfortably long.

_ _

"I guess..." He licked his lips again. "I guess I can accept that. No-" Then, suddenly, his eyes seized hers, and she felt her muzzle pulled gently up. The disappointment was still there, and yet... "I do accept that. If there's one thing I have learned from all this Marlin bullshit, it's that someone can't - shouldn't - try to make you change how you feel. And, besides..." A sly twinkle flashed in those eyes. "He and I started out as a 'wait and see', too."

_ _

Despite herself, a little smile touched her lips as she recalled him saying that. That line had been dripping with bait; he'd expected her to say something like 'don't you dare compare me to him', or something along those lines. She saw it in the little twitch of his mouth when she didn't, when she couldn't find the words. When was the last time her heart had pounded in her chest like that? The hyena slid one paw away from the wheel and rested it there, just above her breast. It still felt like a drum drawn a little bit too tight.

Small tweak of the mouth, twitch of the whiskers, flick of the ears. He shifted in his seat - he'd been doing that a lot these last couple of minutes - and then pulled himself closer to the edge of the table. After settling into place, though, he frowned, adjusted again, looked down under the table, scooted back. His claws scraped across the enameled surface.

_ _

All of these swirling, flaring emotions inside of her, disappointment in herself, confusion, worry if she'd said the right thing, anxiousness that it hadn't come across right... and a little glimmer of enjoyment pushed its way through, warming her chest, lifting the corners of her lips as she watched him struggle to find a comfortable position to sit in. Gosh, what a dummy.

_ _

Are you sure this isn't what you want? When was the last time a boy made you feel like he does?

_ _

Finally finding that perfect spot, the wild dog shrugged. He kept that near-perfect air of nonchalance, though when he reached for his fork, his paw shook. "I mean... you've got your exams to worry about, too, and probably regular classes once summer ends, right? Besides, that's not an outright no." Another shrug. The first enchilada he cut into spilled a thick yellow-white ooze onto his plate; he licked his lips yet again, watching it. "So, yeah. Wait and see."

It wasn't his disappointment that cut her the deepest, though. Lynn forced her paw back to the wheel and turned the volume of her music up a notch. It was that little voice in her head, that part of her mind that picked apart and dug at everything, _everything_she did and said, making her question if it was the right thing to do, the correct choice, the perfect phrasing. She had habitually rested the blame on so many of her past relationships, all of those mental and emotional and, sometimes, physical scars - that spot on her upper thigh twinged briefly - on misunderstandings, misconceptions, plain bad luck, indecision. She could never blame herself for what happened to her: that had been the hardest lesson, the one that had taken the longest to drill into her head.

This time, though, she knew the truth of it. This wasn't that voice, that grating, grinding anxiety; this was her voice, her thought. She wanted to be with him, and yet she didn't _want_to be with him.

Lynn drew in a breath and then just as swiftly exhaled, forcefully unclenching her jaw so she wouldn't punch a hole in her lower lip again. One notch wouldn't do; she reached forward again for a second, third, fourth, fifth, until she could feel the vibrations through the car seat.

You fucked up, Melynndra. You really did.

_ _

~ ~ ~

Eli yawned, stretching his body beneath the blankets of his bed one more time. He usually tried to climb in a little bit before his self-prescribed bedtime, since he knew that he'd stay up an extra hour or so looking at his phone. It always happened that way.

Tonight, though, the screen went dim and then dark yet again, as it had probably four or five times already - he just couldn't keep his mind on the words and images on the screen, the texts, the new messages, the social media updates. Yet again, just like pretty much every night since that one, Lynn just kept on pushing her way back in, again and again.

Just... God. The wild dog squirmed, pulling his legs up a little bit. All of these new, unusual feelings... he'd technically actually_asked a girl out today. A _girl. What am I gonna tell Mom and Dad? What about Randal and Matthew and my other friends? I've already come out as gay to them, and... sure, there had been a brief stab of disappointment with Lynn's words - "I'm not on the market" - but she'd been open. She'd been receptive.

It looked like the whole exchange had been tough for her, too. Eli hadn't had much experience with calming someone down, but when he reached forward and rested his paw on hers, when he waited for her to look up at him and smiled, that seemed to help. Within minutes their conversation had shifted back to its original track, as though it had never broken: she told him about her exams, he talked about his memories of exam season at his college, they laughed about shared experiences. She grinned at him. He grinned back. Then she stole some of his rice, and when he leaned forward and took a sip of her soup-

"Hey!" The striped hyena deliberately narrowed her eyes at him, yet she did nothing to stop him taking a second sip. "You can't just - do that."

_ _

Eli made a show of slurping it up. "And why not?" Oh, God, he should have taken a drink of water before speaking. It sizzled at the back of his throat, nearly making him cough.

_ _

"You'll get - I dunno. Drool in it. You wild dogs are gross."

_ _

God. Even lying there in the dark of his bedroom, totally alone, Eli struggled to hide the grin and blush that forced their way to his muzzle. "So what?" he'd said, unable to resist the grin then, too. "You've already swallowed worse than my drool."

The look on her face had been worth it; Lynn seemed just as surprised to hear that come out of his mouth as was Eli himself. Then she tossed her head back and cackled sharply enough to make that wolf couple at the end of the aisle turn and look at her, and then Eli was laughing too. Then their paws met on the table again, and still shaking with laughter, she gave a squeeze, her fingers lightly wrapped around the side of his.

Yeah. The wild dog turned his phone screen back on yet again. Today went well, all things considered. As he reached his thumb towards the top of the screen to refresh his feed one last time before settling down, the little notification center dropped down with one incoming message; unable to catch himself in time, his thumb tapped that instead, bringing the chat program full screen. The wild dog licked his lips, looking over the last few messages they'd exchanged; after sharing their goodbye hugs after dinner, each seeming to linger a little longer in the embrace than they had at the start of the date, Lynn asked him if he'd heard of the messaging client. Eli had one, but had to dig around to recall his username; after trying to get Marlin to switch to it for four years, he'd shoved it to the back screen of his phone and mostly forgotten about it.

~elijasdfgh [9:27 PM]: Good luck on your exams coming up! You'll do great :3

~stripesandhypes [9:28 PM]: haha thanks. I'm not too worried, but i've learned not to turn down a little extra luck

~stripesandhypes [9:28 PM]: And thanks for coming out today! it went a lot better than i was worried it might

~elijasdfgh [9:29 PM]: oh pssh I came out, like, freshman year of high school

~elijasdfgh [9:29 PM]: =)

~stripesandhypes [9:30 PM]: (:

~elijasdfgh [9:30 PM]: Seriously though. I enjoyed it too. It was nice getting to see you

~elijasdfgh [9:34 PM]: I gotta head to bed soon tho. Work in the morning

_ _

That last one made him tighten his lips in something of a displeased smirk. The reason it had taken so long to send was because he'd waffled back and forth on at least six different drafts, each trying to approach the little dip in their conversation right before the food arrived. "So about what you brought up" sounded way too awkward, then "I was wondering about what you meant earlier" made him feel like he was pushing that point too hard, but "Can we talk about"_made him seem pushy in a different way, and then _"I'm looking forward to what'll happen between us" felt too much like something he'd send to an employer.

A quick upward swipe brought that new message into view.

~stripesandhypes [9:56 PM]: Hey Eli, sorry if I missed you. Was talkin with my buddy Jordan some. I gotta introduce yall sometime. I'll be heading to bed too, goodnight

_ _

That actually made him bite his lip in thought. Lynn seemed a bit... somber, a little more serious in that one. She did have her exams coming up, though, so that could easily just be the stress.

Or maybe it was what they'd spoken about today. Had he been too pushy after all? Had she expected for him to give into the disappointment he'd admittedly felt, and back off? The one time he tried to juggle going out with a girl back for his high school prom, the girl had been a handful and a half of confusion and muddled signals and decisions. That was one thing, at least: Marlin was straightforward and simple. Six years meant Eli felt as though he could read him nearly as easily as if he wrote everything out for the wild dog. He sat up a little bit, bringing his paws in to start a reply, when-

~stripesandhypes is typing...

So he watched the ellipsis extend and contract, one period, two, three, one, two three, slow and steady. Occasionally the whole message flicked away for a second or two, to come back after. Again and again it disappeared and returned, periods walking slowly forward then blinking back... until, some two minutes later, nothing happened, and the message did not come back. Eli frowned, brought his thumbs in, let them hover there, then sighed and set his phone facedown on his nightstand.

Sleep came slowly, and with it, no dreams that he could particularly recall once his alarm buzzed him awake the following morning. A routine check through his phone before rolling out of bed showed that he'd received no more messages overnight; Eli left it on the nightstand as he straightened up, yawned, scratched at his lower back, considered doing something about the insistent morning wood throbbing between his legs, decided against it, and wobbled over to the bathroom for a shower.

Thursday morning... his week was almost over. The wild dog shivered beneath the hot water streaming down over his muzzle and through his fur, thoughts already drifting ahead to his lack of weekend plans. He never really had anything planned, unless Marlin wanted to do something. Lynn had her exams, and then there was really nobody else nearby he was close enough to hang out with... so, all in all, it seemed as though he had a solid weekend of video games and relaxing ahead of him. He could work with that.

It looked a bit like rain again once he'd made his way out the door and to work, though the clouds remained unbroken by the time he pulled into the employee lot behind the library and strode into the building, cool and still and dark in the half-hour before the doors would open. A place of routine and comfort, if not the same sort of comfort brought by being at home. Not too bad.

Like usual the day started slowly, though the intervals between him checking his watch expanded from ten minutes, to twenty, to forty. Cataloguing and clerk work; slow and steady, yet engrossing as long as there remained work to do. On more than one occasion the wild dog found himself leaning back in his chair, muzzle pointed up towards the speckled ceiling tiles with his paws in his lap, idle thoughts rolling through his head like commercials on a TV left on late at night.

Her footpaws on mine, pushing up at the hem of my pants, pawpads ruffling my fur against its grain. Firm, yet with a softness beneath. Like... like a ripe peach. No; like a lychee, that one time Marlin bought some for me from the Asian market across town. Those had been dangerously tasty. I wonder...

From the front desk his coworker Julian called for him, yanking him somewhat unpleasantly out of those thoughts. The wild dog scrambled to his feet, brushed himself off, and headed over, trying to shove those into the back of his head. For later. No texts from Lynn came in that day, though he did make sure to send her his well wishes for her exams; lunch came and went, with Eli opting to eat his while sitting beneath the awning out back. Lumpy grey clouds, thick and heavy, not exactly roiling yet certainly not promising. His eyes followed the lighter lines between the lumps, twisting and coursing along and around where he figured the sun might be.

And so his workday ended, those same thoughts of footpaws and hyenas bumping around in his head, distracting him as he made his way through the door. He tossed his jacket to the side, plopped down into the chair by his desk, reached down to turn on his desktop tower, and pulled his phone out of his pocket with his other paw.

~stripesandhypes [4:38 PM]: thanks, wildpup! *hugs* Had one today, feeling pretty good about it

_ _

It took a few seconds for him to notice the smile spreading across his muzzle from reading that. Her arms over my shoulders, eyes down towards mine... then the way she pulled me in and held me tight. I could feel her heart beating in her chest; it seemed like she was still a little nervous. I nuzzled against her and hugged back, and when we separate, she held onto my paws a moment longer, and I held onto hers... and it looked like she wanted to say something, or do something more. But she just smiled, gave another squeeze, and headed off to her car, arm trailing behind her to remain holding my paw as long as she could.

_ _

God. She was _something_else entirely. The evening disappeared into conversation and video games, with Eli taking a break later in the night for dinner and a few episodes of a TV show he'd had a fleeting interest in - and then the night brought continuations of the thoughts he'd had to push away earlier in the day, with those blunt-clawed hyena footpaws pressing against his chest and muzzle with toes spread around his tongue, or pushing in a bit further down with her footpaws grinding against a different part of him...

Friday morning he exchanged his shower for a little extra time spent in bed indulging the morning distraction he'd ignored the previous day. This turned out to be slightly greater of a tradeoff than he'd intended, though, as he had to bustle to get into work on time, especially with the light yet persistent drizzle coming down from the gunpowder-grey clouds above, tighter and more bulbous than what he'd looked up at the day before.

~elijasdfgh [9:50 AM]: So, uh, I've been thinking about you

~elijasdfgh [9:50 AM]: >////>;

_ _

Rainy days tended to draw more patrons than sunny, so he had fewer chances to check his phone throughout his shift. Halfway into his lunch, however, he felt it vibrate in his pocket, and recalling what he'd sent Lynn earlier in the morning, the wild dog rushed to take it out and read.

It was from Marlin. Eli sighed and sat back, disappointment and a twinge of annoyance rolling through him, then thumbed the message open anyway.

What are your plans for this weekend?

Easy answer. He clamped his sandwich between his teeth to type it out: "Busy again, sorry! Already told one of my other friends I'd play a game online with him." Partially true.

_ _

Damn. Didnt expect you to develop a social life all of a sudden haha. Good for you hun. Another came in a moment later: Let me know if you get any breaks though. It's been a while since we've let off some steam together ;3

That one earned an eyeroll and no further response. Eli finished up his lunch and headed back to his computer, intentionally steering his mind to other things for the rest of the day. This time those hours passed slowly, and when he finally closed his front door behind himself later and pulled out his phone, his heart gave a little jump of excitement at the couple of notifications there:

~stripesandhypes [4:33 PM]: Oh yeah? Spent most of today studying for my exam tomorrow. on Saturday. It's a fuckin departmental exam, sucks

~stripesandhypes [4:33 PM]: Penny for your thots? ;3 I could use some distracting.

From there, though, the afternoon bled quickly into evening, with Eli's 'saved messages' archive gradually expanding with things he'd like to remember and look back on, for future perusal and reference.

~stripesandhypes [4:58 PM]: Oh, does someone wanna get stepped on?

~stripesandhypes [5:13 PM]: I mean, it's not really a thing of mine, but I kinda knew it makes you squirm... so of course i wouldn't mind indulging you in it ;3

~stripesandhypes [5:14 PM]: *won't mind. This is gonna happen now btw

~stripesandhypes [5:26 PM]: You know we'll have to try multiple times right? I haven't done it before, and the best way to get better at something is to do it

~stripesandhypes [5:31 PM]: hmm. do you think I can suck your dick and step on your muzz at the same time? or would that be too awkward of a position?

~stripesandhypes [5:43 PM]: [Photo] What, like this?

~stripesandhypes [5:46 PM]: [Photo] So like this

~stripesandhypes [5:52 PM]: [Photo]

~stripesandhypes [5:58 PM]: Ooohhh. You really are into this, huh? That's a good puppy. I wonder if I can make you cum like that just by using my footpaws alone.

~stripesandhypes [6:17 PM]: So I know we've moved on from that conversation a while ago, but I can't get the thought out of my head now - if we tied you to a chair, do you think I'd be able to squeeze that lovely sheath of yours between my toes and pull your head into my boobs at the same time? I'm trying to think through the positions and scale...

_ _

Like usual, Friday turned into a late night, with Eli's heart kept pounding in his throat for a couple of different reasons until the hyena had to bid him goodnight. The worries that had started stirring after their date now seemed suitably calmed, against the still-drumming rain against his bedroom window. That night sleep came much quicker, and though he woke up a couple of times before morning to reverberating thunderclaps or some other reason, when he did stir awake Saturday he felt better rested than he had all week.

Once Lynn returned from her exam the two resumed talking, on more mundane and less exciting subjects than what had covered their conversation the night before; Eli added her to his friends list on his gaming platform, with her saying she wouldn't be able to accept the friend invitation until she returned home later in the night, but that she'd love to play with him sometime.

Of course, being herself, she followed that message with another ;3, which made Eli laugh out loud. Rare that someone could do that to him. Marlin texted him another few times, his messages coming off as increasingly impatient and demanding, which if anything just made Eli want to see him even less.

Also like usual, the weekend passed far too quickly, afternoons stretching into nights stretching into _holy god I should've been in bed three hours ago_s, and from there into Monday morning with that drizzle still drumming lightly against his bedroom window. Lynn had been kept busy for most of the weekend with her exams and studying, and for a strange period of about an hour and a half Sunday afternoon, Eli felt himself grow bored with his current game, closed it down, sat back in his chair, and... did nothing, really.

This time when Marlin texted him, though...

I've held off on showering a couple days in case you could come over. You know when you spill cooking oil on the counter, but even when you clean it up its still kinda wet and slick? Thats what its like to dig a finger in my sheath right now

_ _

Good thing nobody came into the library right then: the fox had always teased him about how obvious Eli's blushes were, and how he squirmed when something turned him on as if there wasn't enough room in his pants. Some of the annoyance still tingled in the back of his head - sometimes it just seemed that that was an instinctive response, after so many innocuous conversations with the fox suddenly turning harsh and unpleasant without warning - but today, at least, he didn't mind the distraction too much. He swallowed, licked his lips, looked up towards the door again, swiped to reply.

"Holy fffffuck"

"I'd send a pic or a vid or something, but youve seemed busy. So I'll just leave it"

";~;"

And that was that. Three more times throughout the day, the wild dog opened his phone with the intent of poking Marlin back into a fun conversation - and three times he decided against it, opting after the third to instead check in on Lynn. She likely wouldn't get back to him until after he got out.

Then, sometime between Monday evening and Tuesday morning, that drizzle turned into a downpour.