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A Starfox Adventures Parody Chapter 2: Forced Landing Sponsored by Asbeoth By Draconicon

Peace was great for everyone except for soldiers and mercenaries, and unfortunately for the StarFox team, they were little but a bunch of mercenaries. They'd been paid handsomely for the work they'd done to establish the peace, but with a big ship that needed constant repairs, the slow splintering of the team as peacetime wore on their nerves, and the endless things that the mechanic required to keep busy and not mess with the ship...

Well, Fox McCloud was more than a little worried about their accounts. Even with Falco gone, spreading the pay evenly between himself, Peppy, and Slippy meant that they were down to maybe a couple of months of living expenses left. Maybe less if anything went wrong with the Great Fox, which it was bound to do.

He sighed inside as he kept the forced grin on his face, bobbing his head absently to the music that pumped through the bridge of the Great Fox. The jukebox was a nice little touch, giving him a distraction from the worst of things, but -

"Hey, can you turn that music down?! I'm trying to work on my maps!"

Fox rolled his eyes at the old-timer's complaint, turning his chair around to give the old hare a bemused look. The bearded man looked back at him over his spectacles, returning it with interest.

"Okay, okay, fine," Fox said. "Turn it down, Slippy."

"Mmmph..."

The toad grumbled, tossing his wrench across the bridge. It hit the jukebox square on the top, cracking the glass and silencing it in the same moment.

"Hey!"

"Uh...oops," Slippy muttered, blushing. "Sorry. I -"

"Finally, some peace and quiet..."

"Ugh..."

Fox shook his head. Today was off to a great start already. He added the jukebox to their expense list, knowing it was going to be a pain in the ass to replace.

About to turn around and stare out into the great empty abyss again, Fox paused as he saw the communicator light blinking. There was none of the usual beeping from it, either.

Hoping that it had just started and that his muting of the damn thing hadn't been the end of a number of contracts, Fox opened the channel. The projector activated in front of the command chair, and a familiar old dog's face popped up.

"General Pepper?" Fox blinked. "Going outside of official channels this time, I see."

"Star Fox. We have an assignment for you."

"Yeah? About time. What are we looking at?"

The floppy-eared dog disappeared, replaced by the image of a planet that looked like it had run into the asteroid field from hell. The surface was pockmarked with craters, but upon closer inspection, it was clear that it hadn't come from any sort of orbital bombardment. If that'd been the case, the whole planet would have been ringed by debris.

Instead, the chunks that were missing from the surface were orbiting the planet, completely intact, despite the fact that the planet itself showed massive gaping holes that went right down to the magma below the surface.

That shouldn't be possible, Fox thought, even as Slippy started gushing about the amazing physics of the planet. I don't know what the hell he's saying, but even I know that planet should be dead.

"This is Sauria, otherwise known as Dinosaur Planet for its inhabitants. The Cornerian Fleet has kept a hands-off policy for this planet for some time, due to its low-tech inhabitants, but after seeing something like this..."

"Yeah. Hard to ignore something like this."

The planet disappeared, the general's head popping up again.

"We need someone to go down to the planet and examine what's happening. If someone has come up with a technological way to rip a planet apart and keep the biomes from breaking down, then we need to know about it."

"What if it's something that's not all techy?" Peppy asked.

Fox glanced at the hare out of the corner of his eye, and Peppy took the hint. It was a simple enough rule, when one came down to it.

Don't endanger the paycheck with stupid questions.

There was no such thing as magic in the universe, no such thing as the supernatural. Nobody lived or died based off of some ghost that lived out there in the universe. Everything had an explanation as to how it worked, and this was no exception.

Besides, if Pepper wanted tech, then he would be paying extra for it. If there was no retrieval at the end, just a destruction mission, then there would be no bonus for them. Better to keep it on the up and up.

"Ahem. Whatever the cause of this, your mission is to put the planet back together and retrieve the means by which it was pulled apart stably. If you succeed, then you'll be given a reward in the standard amount for this type of mission."

"What's that?" Slippy asked.

"About six million credits," Fox said, leaning back in his chair. "I want ten, General."

"What? You're bargaining with lives at stake here, Fox?"

"You said it yourself. It's stable at the moment. You want to see what they're doing it with, not save lives. If you wanted that, you would be coming out here yourself. So, you want it done sneakily, quietly, so that any of Andross's forces don't find out and come calling."

He smiled.

"So, if you want that, you'll pay that bit extra. It's not even double the amount, General."

"It's near enough!"

"Then send your own men, if it's too much."

"..."

"Slippy -"

"Fine. Ten million it is. But you go now."

"Already on our way, General. I'll call you for the paycheck in a few weeks."

He cut the communications, grinning like the fox he was. The rest of the crew grinned, cheering, and even ROB gave an imitation of a cheer by throwing his hands in the air.

"Alright, Peppy. Get us a course to Sauria. I want us there yesterday. Slippy, get into the databanks, get me everything that we have on the planet and its inhabitants. As soon as we pop into the system, I want to be able to make landfall and get to work."

"On it, Fox."

"You got it, boss."

He turned his chair around, looking into the stars once more. It was good to be back to work.

Blasting out of the Great Fox in his Arwing had been a wonderful, if short-lived, reminder of what he was meant to do. The feeling of the thrusters kicking him in the spine, the rattle that came from the ship vibrating from the sheer power that it contained, the feeling of being one with it as he rolled it around the bigger asteroids and the punching kickback of the lasers: all of them reminded him why he had gone into space in the first place.

The flight through the debris field around the planet was shorter than he expected, and it was almost too easy to find a hole in the strange energy field that surrounded the planet. He slipped past it and into the atmosphere, cruising low over the forests and the jungles that covered the whole planet.

There were hundreds, thousands, millions of life readings as he circled the globe, mapping it out for the Great Fox above. The information was crude at the speed that he moved at, but it was far better than nothing, and far, far better than hitting the ground with nothing.

Most of the life forms, at least those with any possibility of intelligence, seemed to have concentrated in a central part of the planet, near the equator. Centered around a great hollow with a mountain on one side, an ocean on another, and a few other biomes in the area, it had a huge concentration of life signs and variety of species.

That was probably his best possibility for insertion.

Fox flew around the globe one more time, collecting another batch of information, before bringing the ship around in a heading for the hollow.

The familiar shifting of G-forces as he came to a stop over the hollow left him with new bruises along his chest, and a reminder to get Slippy to fix the compensators of the ship. He hovered down, landed, and made one final check that the air was safe before popping the top of his cockpit.

It was humid and wet, and the smell of plants and old life was strong in the air. The soft rush of water nearby kept the smells from feeling foul and gave it a freshness that he more than appreciated after being on a ship in space for months.

He hopped out of his ship, shaking his head as he stretched his arms over his head.

"Same gravity, that's good...maybe a bit less. That's even better."

A few growls pulled his attention off of the planet's stats, and he looked up to see a number of heads popping out from the rocks that ringed the hollow. Green and yellow and brown, the scaly creatures slowly pulled swords and clubs out from behind their backs, hopping out from behind cover.

"So this is the welcome party."

Fox pulled his blaster from his hip, giving it a little twirl around his finger.

"Let's see how many can get to me..."

Pew-pew, pew-pew. The shots shimmered as they left the pistol, the blaster bolts hitting targets left and right. All the time in the shooting range on the Great Fox was paying off now, claiming lives as the raiders came rushing for him.

By the time that they were down from the rocks and on the grassy earth leading up to him, more than half of them were gone, and the remaining four were far less confident.

Fox chuckled, spinning his blaster around his finger again.

"You wanna try that again? Or do you want to run?"

The four remaining warriors looked at each other. He half-hoped that they would run, actually; much as he liked the sport of being in the cockpit, this was something else. Self-defense or not, this was...

This was a mistake, he realized, looking up at the rocks. A dozen more of the little things had already poked their heads over the rocks, and he realized that the raiding party, or welcome party, or whatever it was had just gotten bigger than he'd expected.

Crap.

He whipped the blaster back up, holding it in both hands as the charge began.

Pew-pew-pew. Pew-pew, pew.

The shots echoed out again, catching them as they charged, forcing them to keep dodging and evading him. He could feel his blaster humming, pushing itself right to the edge of overheating with every collection of shots, but he couldn't slow down. He had to keep pushing it, forcing it.

The sixteen went back down to eight, then four, then two by the time that he was in range. Fox ducked down, rolling under a sword swing, bringing his blaster up again -

Then he noticed how many shots he had left.

Five shots...

Five, and he hadn't brought that much spare ammo. He couldn't afford to waste so much anymore.

The monsters turned on him again, club and blade coming down at him, and he was forced to roll backwards again. He jumped back to his feet, holstering his blaster.

Can't fight them hand to hand. Gonna need something better than my fists.

He jumped back from a clumsy swipe, almost tripping over one of the dead bodies. His boot came down on one of their swords, and he shook his head.

When in Rome...

He kicked it into the air, catching it before it could fall back down. The sword was heavier than he expected, but it wasn't that different from the clubs that they used back on Corneria as sparring weapons. Better than nothing by a long shot.

The two warriors charged in from both sides. He threw himself forward again, rolling between the two, and swung out to the side. The blade caught the dinosaur in the knee, toppling him over, while the other one spun around to swing at him.

Fox caught the blade on his own, grunting as the sheer weight and strength came down on him. The dinosaur was a lot stronger than he looked, and it was making it very hard to keep the sword up. He panted hard, having to push his other hand behind the curved blade, holding it over his head even as the dinosaur pushed down.

It spoke in some unknown language, something that sounded like a threat.

"Yeah? Well...up yours..."

Fox leaned back, letting the weight of the other man throw him into a reverse somersault. He brought his legs up, kicking the dino in the gut, pulling him into the roll.

When they came to a halt, the sword was stuck in his opponent's gut, and he was unharmed.

Fox panted for breath, rolling to the side and groaning. He reached up to the communicator in his ear, tapping it.

"Fox to Peppy. You read me?"

"Peppy here. Coming through loud and clear."

"Good. Just had to deal with a welcome party. Nearly drained my blaster. Can you send down more ammo?"

"Afraid not, Fox. There something going on with the planetary energy field. It looks like it'll knock anything we send down away. I don't want to fire anything that'll go spinning off into the universe from here."

"Yeah, probably a bad idea." He groaned. "Looks like I'll be scrounging weaponry."

"Good luck."

"Slippy have any luck with that translator program yet?"

"Slippy here," the toad interrupted, hopping in with his usual too-loud voice. "I'm almost done with it. Just have to fine-tune some of the translations and it'll be ready."

"Try and hurry it up. They're talking weird down here, and I don't want to miss something important."

"Well, if you're that worried, then just wait in the Arwing until we're done. Think of it like a vacation, heh."

Grumbling at Peppy, Fox cut the channel, slowly dragging himself back to his feet.

When it came down to weapons, he knew that it was better to have something than nothing. The blades might have been heavy, but there were some that weren't quite as big as the one he'd been forced to grab, and he knew that they'd at least not break the same way that the clubs would. He didn't need to have his weapon sliced in two the second that he came up against someone with a sword.

He pulled one of their belts off, wrapping it around his own before shoving the sword into place. After that, he started taking in his surroundings a bit more seriously.

The hollow was definitely bigger than it had looked, originally. There was a great central structure that stood out of the middle of the hollow, something that seemed to be connected to the rocky wall at the far end. There was a cave mouth that seemed to lead down, as well as a rocky wall at the far end that could probably be climbed.

Further off to the west, he could make out something moving behind another rock wall, but there was no way in there. Too rocky, too sheer.

And off to the east, he could see a temple-like structure, something that was almost hidden behind a stand of trees, and guarded by a few more of the creatures that had attacked him.

Great...so these are the bad guys, I'm guessing, he thought, kicking one of the bodies. Or at least, they're not friendly. Guards or something...

Slippy's information on the planet had been as outdated as it came. He had hoped for something a bit more accurate, something that had been studied in the last few years, but all that the toad had been able to dig up were old files about the discovery of the planet and the emerging society that they'd found at the time. Nothing useful about the modern day in the slightest.

It was going to be a long assignment.

He leaned against the Arwing, checking his ammo count. In addition to the five shots left in his blaster, he had another ammo cannister that had another thirty or so. It was an old one, so he'd probably only be able to count on twenty-five of them actually being at full power.

Thirty shots for an op. Not great.

The sword would have to be his main thing, saving all the blaster shots for the worst of situations.

And one just for himself, if things got to the bare-bones worst.

Fox wasn't suicidal, by any means, but he had been around long enough to know that capture and torture was a possibility in every single operation that a person could sign up for. The last thing that you wanted to have happen to you was letting the enemy decide your fate, so...sometimes, you needed to be able to decide it before they could take a hand in it.

That was the only reason he always reserved one shot.

He put the weapon back at his belt, leaning his head back and waiting.

Two hours later, Slippy popped back onto the communicator.

"It's fixed, Fox. It might have a few blips here and there, but it'll get all the translation done that you should need."

"Finally."

He dropped the rest of the rocks in his hand. He'd been going out of his mind trying to skip rocks for the last few hours.

"I'm going to explore that cave. Looks like the best option at the moment."

"Alright. We'll keep scanning the planet. See what we can find."

"Fox out."

He turned off the communicator and made his way across the hollow. There was only one part of the river where it was shallow enough to cross without swimming, and he took it quick, feeling the chill of the water seeping through his boots and into his feet. The shivers that came with it left him shaking by the time that he reached the cave.

Thankfully, though it was dark inside, it was also warm. He climbed down the rock wall into the lower tunnels, following them deeper into the caves. He half-expected someone to jump out and tell him to fuck off, but there was nothing.

Not until he ran into a leather flap, that was. He paused, staring at that, and slowly stepped back a pace.

Looks like someone lives here, after all...

Fox gingerly pulled at the corner of the flap, only to find himself staring at a room full of illuminated goods. Torches lit all the walls, and maps, weapons, and other things were on full display.

"...This is a shop..."

"Hey! Buy something or get out!"

He jumped at the voice, his hands moving to his belt out of instinct before he stopped them. Turning to the source, he stared.

The creature was something like a mix of a serpent and a lizard, with two fingered, one thumbed hands and a long, thick tail. It wore some sort of hood and cloak, purple and metallic, and looked down at him with greedy eyes that were still somehow huge.

"I told you, buy something or get out! Don't you understand me?"

"Uh, yeah. What..."

"I'm the shopkeeper! Isn't it obvious?!" The creature pointed at his hood. "This is the mark that lets me sell. Only pred in the hollow allowed."

"The only - oh for the love of..."

Fox slapped a hand across his face as he muttered under his breath. This was going to get real complicated, real fast. 'Preds' were not allowed in the hollow, huh? That was going to make his mission harder if anyone found out what he was.

"Okay, okay. What do you sell?"

"Everything."

"Show me."

It was a quick tour through five different rooms, and Fox had to admit that there was a lot to take in. The maps that lined the walls, in particular, would be very useful, particularly the ones that were more focused than the images that they could get from space. More than that, though, he saw a few other things, bits of tech that he might be able to get some use out of. Particularly the old smoke grenades.

He assembled a wish-list pile of stuff. He got rid of about half the food, keeping a few seeds that the shopkeeper said were explosive, and a few of the old weapons that must have fallen from passing ships. More than anything, he kept the maps.

When the shopkeeper tallied it all up, he held out a scroll.

"You pay...this much," the reptilian thing said, spreading the scroll. It showed a number, and a fairly low number...but there was the problem that he didn't have any currency.

"I can't pay," Fox admitted.

"No? Then why are you wasting my time?"

"Because I need this." He reached for the sword -

POOF!

The shopkeeper disappeared...and so did the sword. Fox blinked, reaching for his blaster -

POOF!

And it was gone.

The shopkeeper reappeared, holding both of them.

"No, no, no. Nobody threatens the shopkeeper. You pay or you get out."

What is this...

There had to be some sort of device that was allowing him to hop from one place to another, but fuck if Fox knew where it was. He glanced around the room, hoping for a hint, but there was nothing.

By the time that he looked back, though, the shopkeeper had a sneering sort of smirk on his face.

"Heh...how about...you pay thiiiis much?"

He opened the scroll again, and this time, it wasn't a number. It was a rough scrawling of a furred creature on their knees, mouth open, while -

"..."

Fox stared at it, then at the shopkeeper.

"You're joking."

"No joke. You want, you do."

"..."

Fox growled under his breath, rubbing his hand over his face. This was not how he wanted to start his relations with the locals, but...

I need this. If Peppy can't get the goods down from the atmosphere, then I need this. And it's one guy, and you did this in the academy. Just...do it fast.

Fox grumbled as he went down to his knees. As he did, he found a little slit in the serpent reptile's body, one that was slowly opening up, a familiar little head starting to poke out. The pilot grumbled again, leaning in and gently pressing the slit lips to the side.

"Mmmm, never had furred muzzle before. Open up."

Fox did as he was told, his cheeks burning as the shopkeeper slapped his cock right against his tongue. It tasted salty, a little hot, but not anything unfamiliar. No bitterness or foulness, at least, which was a huge plus.

The cock slipped over his tongue, growing quickly. The head was a bit slender, but the shaft was thicker than he expected, forcing him to open his mouth wider to take it. The warmth of the reptile's cock was unexpected, too.

He gagged as it hit the back of his throat with several inches to spare, his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he started to bob his head back and forth. The feeling of that shaft pressing down on his tongue, claiming his muzzle the way it did, was quickly reminding him of the quid pro quo of the academy students.

Do me a favor, and I'll do you one.

Blowjobs and more had been exchanged back then, but Fox had buried that past and gone on to become more of a lady's man since. He had bedded a number of ladies, given them pleasure, gotten his own. But this...

This was a taste and pleasure that was unique...one that he had almost forgotten about.

But even Bill wasn't this big...

He grunted as the shopkeeper's cock head kept bumping the back of his throat, threatening to force its way down and leave him gagging. He grunted every time that it bumped him, huffing, coughing around the cock, but he never got a break from it. It just kept thrusting along his tongue, using his face as a toy.

And despite himself, Fox didn't hate it. It wasn't 'fun,' exactly, but he didn't hate the feeling of a cock in his mouth.

The vulpine pilot leaned forward, starting to work his tongue along the underside of the shopkeeper's dick, dragging it in from a different angle. He shifted his head slightly, allowing the next thrust to go less on his tongue and more up against the roof of his mouth, against the other textures up there -

"Mmm...fuzzy knows tricks..."

Damn right I do, he thought. Let's get this over with.

Fox gripped the shopkeeper's tube-like body, holding him still as he took over. He did the bobbing, the moving, the sucking. His tongue worked that shaft over, either wiggling along the underside or dancing along the head. He rolled his head in a slow circle, his head cocked to one side on the way down the shaft and the other on the way back up.

It didn't take long for the shopkeeper to start moaning, for the reptile to start grunting and huffing as he started losing control. Fox would have smiled if it wasn't for the fact that his mouth was currently beyond busy. Up, down, up, down, sucking that thick green cock all the way down his muzzle and right to the back of his throat.

But not into it. Not for this, not when it had been so many years since he had deepthroated someone.

He started jerking the guy off at the base, squeezing his cock as he leaned back to the head, licking around it, slurping around the tip. The shopkeeper huffed, puffed, twitching as he tried to thrust.

Fox didn't let him. He jerked the big cock a bit faster, milking it into his mouth. A hint of bitter pre splashed across his tongue -

"Nnnngh!"

Followed by a few ropes of cum. He pulled back after the first, jerking the shaft mercilessly as it spilled over the ground. Making sure to keep himself out of the way, he watched the flow of it taper off, and then stood up.

"That good enough?"

"Fuzzy gets his goods."

"And my blaster. And sword."

The shopkeeper handed them off before disappearing, even leaving behind a little bag. Fox grabbed it, starting to stuff his purchases inside, only to see a skittering green bug inside. He blinked, pulling it out.

"What the..."

"Mine!"

The shopkeeper reappeared, grabbing the green insect.

"You no take money."

Bugs...are money...Lovely.

He didn't say anything, just packed up his stuff and left. The shopkeeper had be good for a bit of supply, but there were so many other questions he still had. Like, what the hell he was supposed to do next?

After chatting up the locals - ThornTails, they called themselves - Fox was directed to talk to the Queen EarthWalker. She was holed up in the temple, according to the ThornTails, and she was guarded by the SharpClaw. At least he finally had some names to put to the different creatures around.

The SharpClaw were apparently some sort of tribe of preds that had been pushing at the borders of the Herbivore Alliance for as long as people could remember, but lately, they'd been far more successful with their raids. And, more importantly, they were responsible for the planet being split apart.

The Queen, hopefully, would tell him more.

Fox managed to distract the guards, sending them running off on a non-existent chase after letting them see him. They charged off into the forest, convinced he'd gone there, while he snuck into the temple.

What he found wasn't good.

The Queen was a triceratops, and she was injured, obviously sick, and shaky as one could imagine.

"You...who...who are you?" she panted. "Did you come to kill me?"

"No. Can't say I'm a rescue operation, but...You shouldn't be tortured anymore, at least."

"Thank goodness for small mercies. Who are you?"

"Fox McCloud. I'm here on orders to fix the planet."

"I don't...Well, I suppose it doesn't matter if I understand." She took a slow, deep breath. "But if you are here to fix things, then I charge you with a royal task."

"...Excuse me?"

"You will serve a purpose for me, and I will tell you what you need to know in order to fulfill the rest of your mission."

"Look, lady, I'm here to fix your planet. Not run errands."

"And you are yet undiscovered as a meat eater in herbivore territory." She narrowed her eyes at him. "I am within my rights as queen to demand your execution, should I wish."

"You'd have me killed because I eat a steak from time to time?!"

"All predators are dangerous to my people. But...I will not spread your...proclivities...if you will do as I ask."

"...Fine." Crazy old woman. Probably gonna die soon anyway. "What do you want from me?"

"My son...Prince Tricky."

"..."

Don't laugh. Don't. Even. Laugh.

"He has been taken by the SharpClaw, out in the SnowHorn Wastes. You must go to him and rescue him for me. If you can accomplish that, then he will tell you where to go next. He is educated in the history of the planet, and will help you if you tell him I sent you."

"So, rescue the prince. Fine. He look like you?"

"He hardly has my beauty and demeanor...but he is of my species, yes."

"Good. That should make it easy up there. Anything else?"

"No. Now, go. Be swift."

Swift. Right. That was something that he could do, and would have to do. He'd be swifter with the Arwing, but for now, he needed to conserve what fuel he had. Looked like he'd have to do it on foot.

Looks like the maps that the shopkeeper had would be proving their worth sooner than later.

The End