Pounded in the Butt by TF Cliches

Story by SuperTaster on SoFurry

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Ever groan at an overused transformation trope? Be-wildered by bizarre anatomical failures? Just plain confused at the strangest of dialogue?

If you have, I apologize. You're going to be doing that a lot momentarily. At a brief count, there are at least 40 cliches, awkward tropes, and so forth. Bonus points if you can name them all!

(You don't actually get bonus points.)

And no, my name is not Devon. It's a bad joke about Blatant Self-Inserts. See? You get a freebie! Only 39 to go.


The full moon shone over an almost empty public park, because it's Always the full moon on these sorts of occasions, and it wouldn't do to have interruptions. Two humans walked by, blissfully unaware of the genre they had wandered into. The first was a tall, handsome man by the name of DEVON, who managed to look exactly like an idealized version of the commissioner(also named Devon). Truly an amazing coincidence. The second was a meek, shy, yet not altogether unattractive male named MICHAEL. His name, of course, was intentionally chosen to have an easy feminine counterpart, and honestly his parents should have known better.

"Look, a full moon." Michael pointed overhead, as if there were any other place for a full moon to be.

"Here, I'll make a bad joke about werewolves."

"You shouldn't do that. They might be listening." "What, werewolves?" "No, worse." Michael shook his head. "Furries."

"Oh please, that's just a myth." Devon looked over to Michael, who seemed to be slightly dazed. Confused. Other terms for imminent fluffiness. "Are you alright? Clearly you're not, but I'll ask anyway just in case."

Michael stared at the moon. "I dunno, man. Feeling really hot all of a sudden." "I'll say." The innuendo was rudely interrupted by two breasts (as opposed to one) pushing forth out of Michael's chest. *boing*

"Wha- what's happening?" "You DO look hot." This both was not the time, and yet was the Only time. "Let me grope them just to make sure..." Michael posed for the camera, squishing his rapidly growing mounds. "Oh yes. They sure are."

"Oh dawg... now I'm starting to feel hot." Black fur began to smoothly sprout all over Devon's hands, and his fingernails turned into claws without the slightest bit of pain or unfortunate bleeding. "Is it happening to you too?" "I don't know...!" Michael, of course, was still busy fondling his breasts, even as his shirt began to tear open salaciously. "I better get these off, or they'll get in the way of anything kinky!" With a smooth motion, he tore his shirt into ribbons with utter ease, despite any lack of muscle tone or even the fact that shirts are meant to avoid that kind of damage in the first place. "Oh yes. They feel so Free now!" The breasts had grown to DDR size (an arbitrary amount generally assumed to be Extremely Large. Like... dang.), yet bounced free in a perky and uplifting manner. "Thank goodness breasts are lighter than air, or my spine would have snapped."

Devon gave a soft "Awooo", as his shirt too splintered into so many pieces of confetti. Michael merely stared at his rock-hard, chiseled abs, blushing despite the perfectly white fur attempting to cover it up. Devon's body truly was a work of art, despite never actually lifting, or indeed even approaching a gym. And now, as their faces calmly stretched out into canine muzzles, all that beauty was being accentuated. Or something.

The pants were the next to go, that both of them might avoid any awkwardness with tails getting stuck. "I need to say something feminine yet showing extremely poor priorities!" "The pants?" "Oh yes! Darnit, I really liked those pants. They were far more important than all the extreme, life-changing transformations I'm enduring!"

Not wanting to be ignored, Michael's dick proudly announced that it was going on vacation. "Here, check this out!"

"I didn't say you could leave!" "You're not the boss of me, mom!" And thus with an out-of-place *slurp*ing sound, the lonely penis turned itself inside out in a manner described by reporters later as "Extremely Kinky".

"Oh wow," Devon exclaimed. "I should make an awkward joke about bitches!" "Please don't. I'm still a guy where it counts..." "Nope. I'm going to call you Michelle now, so that you know where this is going." She stared back with horny concern. "Aw fuck."

"Indeed!"

Their changes rapidly progressed through all the remaining body parts, so that they could get on with the Fun part. Ears, tails, toe beans, snoots, and the little snarly muscles on the face. Michelle's breasts decided that they were lonely, and sprouted several more pairs. How many more is an exercise for the reader. They weren't the important parts anyway, as the two Best Breasts finished reaching XXX size. "I never knew breasts could be so sensitive!" "Speak for yourself. My dick's-" Getting there! Indeed, Devon's penis suddenly lurched forth to a Mere 12 inches, and he stumbled from the rapid movement of blood. "Mankind... was not meant... to have this large a dick..." "But womankind was!" Michelle fell to the ground, so as to show submission or something. It's all deeply symbolic. "Rape me now!" "...doesn't that make it consensual?" "Shut up and fuck." "Yes dear."

Devon easily inserted his raging member deep into his new bitch. "Aww yes. Being a werewolf rocks!" "I didn't... you're filling me up!" Premium, not Unleaded.

*unnph*

"It's so... furry!" *thrust*

"Explicit terms of satisfaction!" *boink*

"I'm... I'm cumming..." "I'm inexplicably cumming at the same time!"

Their crotches exploded in a shower of fluids, joy, and joyful fluids. Together, they howled skyward, for that is what wolves do when they orgasm. Honest.

"That... that was amazing," Devon gasped.

"It better be. We're fucking werewolves!"

"I'll say." Michelle gasped as her belly (yet not her waist) expanded slightly. "I felt a kick... I'm pregnant!" "Damn! That wasn't even 20 seconds. New world record!" "Should I say something insulting about motherhood and breeding?" "No, I think that's implied."

Michelle turned to look deep into Devon's eyes (exactly the color the commissioner wished he had irl), despite still being on his cock. Geometry has nothing on Intimate One-Night Stands. "Wanna do it again right away?" "Is that physically possible?" "Only one way to find out!"

You may now place bets as to how many times they fucked. I do, however, have it on good faith that it was at least Six.

"Fuck refractory periods!" "Literally."

"I love being a werewolf!" "What about our lives? Our families!" "Don't worry, babe. There's never any consequences in smut writing like this. The world will just have to deal with it." "I dunno... doesn't that mean we'll be human by the next episode?" "Cmon, you're overthinking it. What's the worst that could happen?"

*Slam!*

The doors of the Animal Control van locked themselves shut, leaving only the slightest hints of the morning sun shining through. Devon looked sheepishly at Michelle, despite being a wolf. She only glared back, filing this as evidence why she should be Alpha and not him (because that's Super Important you guys. It's a wolf thing).

"Okay, maybe extremely loud sex in a public park wasn't the best idea."

"No. No it wasn't." "Wanna do it again next full moon?" "I can hardly wait!" Imagine a teasing advertisement for a sequel here. Sadly, you won't get to read one, because we seem to have run out of funding for any more wo