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Dawn of Dusk - Part 2: Nun - Chapter 8: One life ends, another one begins:

© 2009 - 2020 Nameless

I peeked out between drawn curtains at the rows of soldiers marching down the street. My heart, full of terror, beat in time with the thundering footsteps. By the symbols on their shield and tabards they were die-hard celestials to a man. Next to the officers rode priests, resplendent in their robes. And worse, much worse, here and there an inquisitor in a hooded black robe. White, yellow or gold stripes denoted their rank and on the chest were displayed their symbols: A red pincer for their craft, torture, and a yellow flame for the result of their work, the flame to cleanse the soul of a heretic at the stake. My knees trembled at the sight, with good reason. If Dar, my son, sired on me by a demon, was found I might well be consigned to their 'tender' mercies. The ardor with which I worshiped Lillith, I had taken my vows of initiation a few months ago, could bring the same fate, should they find out about it.

The host from Tukis had besieged Savan, the city where I lived, for more than two eightdays. As far as I knew they wouldn't have been able to take it. I'm no soldier, but many members of the town guard and militia had frequented our inn when off-duty. They had talked among themselves and they had told me a lot of things about warfare. Some of it comforting - such as the state of the city's fortifications - most of the rest of it less so. Much of the city stood on a rise, thirty to sixty foot high with steep sides, more like a cliff than a hillside in places. The northern wall stood at the edge of the rise, making storming it almost impossible. Only in the east could the wall be approached on level ground. But there the wall was high and protected by a wide moat. On the western and southern side was the river and behind it a low wall. Except for the harbor on the southern side cliffs made attack from the river all but impossible. Since the besiegers did not have any ships or riverboats, apart from a few very small ones, they had little hope of starving us out. And they would not be able to obtain ships. About twenty leagues north of our city was a series of rapids that cut the river in two. The Tukans had plenty of ships on the upper part of the river, but no way to bring them down past the rapids. And the ground near the rapids was much too rough to portage anything larger than a rowboat. The celestial's host had constructed a few small catapults and the rocks they lobbed had damaged a few houses but had done little damage to the walls. The attacking army outnumbered the defenders, but they had attempted only a few assaults which had been repulsed easily with heavy losses for the attackers. I had done my best to aid our valiant defenders, little as it might be. Mostly I had done my best to help keep up their morale. I had also visited the hospital at the temple of Lillith and aided in the care of the wounded. Since I knew no spells and had little skill at healing most of what I did were menial but needful tasks, such as washing or feeding those too badly wounded to do it on their own. Yesterday it had seemed as if our prayers had been heard. Sir Belias, the younger son of the duke of Baneh, had approached from the southeast with an army and the Tukans had withdrawn from the lines near the walls, first to their camp and then they had started retreating north. Or at least they had seemed to do so. Sir Belias (the duke's younger son had been knighted but had not been granted a hereditary rank on his own as yet) had entered the city at the head of his personal guard while the rest of his army watched the retreating Tukans. We had, of course, welcomed Sir Belias and hailed him as our savior. Not that it would have been likely, but had he visited our inn yesterday I would have gladly expressed my gratitude in person. Later some of his soldiers had come to have a few drinks and I had thanked them in person. Out in the stable and rather quickly, so I could return to my duty before Myra and my father lost their nerve. They hadn't been particularly fun, but after the constant fear of the previous weeks I hadn't minded. Thinking back on it, my belly burned with anger; the thudding of the mailed boots outside intruded on my introspection and the anger was quickly replaced by fear. As the day wore on and danger of a counterattack waned, more and more of his men had entered the city and relieved the tired men of the town guard and militia from their duty on the walls and gates. Under the cover of night the Tukans had crept back. At dawn they had struck. Half their army had captured the men not personally loyal to Sir Belias, who had been ambushed in their camp outside the city and captured quickly. The rest had entered the city through the wide open gates. By the time anyone realized what was going on, it was too late. There had been some resistance, mostly by priests of infernal deities and others who knew exactly what was in store for them and preferred to die to a blade rather than burn at the stake. The resistance was ill-organized and was quickly overwhelmed. The Tukans quickly stationed units of their soldiers at strategic spots all over the city. A curfew was imposed and anybody who left his house, for any reason, was arrested, or was cut down if he (or she) resisted. I had seen it with my own eyes as they cut down a boy living across the street. He had tried to return home to his father's shop across the street after spending a night with his current sweetheart. One of the soldiers had accosted him, commanding him to stop. When the boy had started to run, one of the soldiers had shot him with a crossbow, hitting his thigh. The boy had collapsed not ten steps from his home. When his parents had tried to help their son, the soldiers had threatened them with the cruel-looking spiked poleaxes the Tukans favored, wounding the mother when she set a foot outside the door. Another soldier had stabbed the boy in the belly and his parents (along with everybody else along the street) had to watch helplessly as their son bled to death right outside their home. When the boy was dead they had commanded his father to 'remove the trash from the street'. Nobody else had dared to set a foot outside their house since.

"Daisy." I blinked, turned to look at my parents and realized that they had called me several times but I had been so lost in thought that they had had to call me several times before I noticed. "Come away from the window." My father's voice was low with an edge of anger in it, so I obeyed without question. When I stood before them, I realized that it hadn't been anger in his voice but terror. I could smell their fear, faintly but clearly. Father looked at me and finally commanded, "Take Dar and go to your room. Hide every symbol of Lillith you can find and stay there until I tell you to come out again." "Yes, father." Not knowing what else to do, I obeyed without question. I took my son from my mother. The unfamiliar voices had made him fuss and my mother could calm him better than even I did. I forced myself to breathe slowly as I climbed the stairs, trying to force the terror from my knotted stomach. I entered my room and barred it behind me. Then I lay down, cradling my son and humming a lullaby in his ears, trying to keep him - and myself - calm. It wasn't easy, the tread of heavy boots made the shutters rattle. When Dar was safely asleep, I got up carefully - I didn't want to wake him - and went through my things looking for anything that would reveal me as worshiper of Lillith or any other infernal deity. Working very slowly I reached under the mattress and loosened one of the floorboards (one of the boards had an empty space underneath and could be removed once the small pegs that held it in place were removed) under which I kept my most valuable items. I emptied the space and then put all the religious items there. With a heavy heart I lifted the cord with the pendant of a Lilly over my head. Through it Mother Lillith had watched over me, shared the good times (many of them in my bed) and comforted during the (thankfully) rare bad times. I had not taken it off in years and without it I felt naked and vulnerable and the fear in my stomach surged up, filling my mouth with bile. I held the pendant in my paw, pressed it against my cheek and kissed it. I put it away reluctantly, I had a hard time forcing my paw to let go. I put the most valuable items back into the hiding place until it was full. Then I replaced the board and shoved the pegs back into place carefully. The rest of the items went into the chest. I lay down next to my child and pulled the thin blanket over me. I was shivering with cold; it was warm enough, but the fear chilled me. My stomach was unpleasantly empty - our preparations for breakfast had been interrupted by the invasion - but I would not have been able to keep anything down if I had anything to eat.

I could hear my parents (and some of the few guests) move around the house. Somebody came up the stairs and I recognized my mother's footsteps. I got up and reached the door just in time to open it at her knock. She brought me a mug of tea, a thick slice of bread and clean swaddling rags for Dar. In a hoarse whisper I asked, "What will we do now? I'm terrified." "I know daughter. I am just as afraid, but there is little we can do. I don't really know what we will do. For now we have to keep our heads down. If the duke doesn't drive the celestials out soon, we'll probably flee once we can travel. For now just stay hidden." She smiled wanly. We embraced and kissed, basking for a moment in each others' warmth, and then she left to continue her preparations. I drank the tea and nibbled on the bread.

A while later my father came in. He forced a smile on his lips and held out his arms and enveloped me. For a moment I enjoyed his warmth and familiar scent. "Daisy." I looked up at his face. "One of our guests is helping me empty the small cellar (the 'small cellar' was a well-hidden room in the cellar where my father hid things the tax collector didn't need to know about). Then you hide there with Dar until we know what is going on. I fear that they will search for heretics at some point." "Yes, father." I did not enjoy the idea of spending time, possibly several days, in the tiny, dark and dank room but considering the alternative. "Daisy, you know that I, we, love you. You are our daughter, of the heart if not of the blood." "I know. I love you both." "But if... if they find you and Dar... we will pretend that you are just some girl working for us. Please understand." My stomach lurched, "Why?" "Because... If they find him, we won't be able to save you." He gestured in the direction of the main street and I shuddered, the face of the boy from across the street, features contorted from the pain and the light of life fading from his eyes. I had known him for years, even taken him for a tumble a few times, but my brain refused to recall his name. "We won't be able to help you, no matter how much we wish we could. And if they find out that we adopted you, they might look closer at your mother. And if they find that she's an initiate of Lillith..." I realized what he meant even before he drew a finger across his throat. "Not just her, but likely me as well. And they would take your siblings away from us, perhaps even kill them as well." "I... I understand, father. I hate it but I understand. If they ask I will pretend that I'm just a tavern wench working for you." "Thank you. You know that I, we, hate this as much as you, but I don't see any other way." We kissed, clinging to each other desperately. "Stay here. I will call you when the cellar is ready." "Yes, daddy." With that he left.

I was feeding Dar when a loud knock on the front door shook the house. A loud voice bellowed, "Open in the name of Uriel!" and after a few moments another knock made the walls tremble. My father hurried to the door and opened it. I heard booted feet, lots of heavy booted feet, entering the taproom. I couldn't quite make out the words, but a loud voice spoke in a commanding tone and the boots continued to the back rooms and up the stairs. Three or four soldiers stormed up the stairs. I heard them open the doors to the guestrooms and command anyone they found to go down to the taproom. Suddenly I realized that I had not barred the door after my father left. I was still wondering if I should get up and do that when it opened. A human male with a curved sword stared down at me and then commanded, "Cover self! Shameless whore! Go down." He didn't speak trade all that well, but it was easy enough to understand his meaning. There was fresh blood on the tip of his sword. "Yes, sir." I pulled my blouse closed as much as possible and got up. He stepped back to give me room and waved his sword. Just as I hurried past the soldier, he got a better look at Dar and shrieked, "Demon!" and made the sign of warding. The other two soldiers came running. For a moment I feared that they would kill me or Dar right then and there, but their swords didn't touch me. One looked at Dar more closely and then commanded the soldier who had found me to take me downstairs. Trembling in fear I descended the stairs, the soldier just behind me kept his sword almost at my throat. In the taproom I found my parents, siblings and the other guests kneeling while several soldiers stood guard over them with drawn weapons. The soldier pointed at the floor at the end of the row and I knelt. After a few minutes one of the guests returned from the back of the inn in the company of two soldiers. They directed him to a bench at the side of the room. The two soldiers commanded another of the kneeling guests to come with them and escorted him into the rear of the building. They returned a few minutes later. This guest had his hands tied behind his back and was told to kneel, facing the wall on the other side of the room. Two more guests were escorted to the room and told to kneel with us and (as far as I could tell) the soldiers who had searched the inn returned to the room. One by one the guests and my family were interrogated and sorted. Thankfully all my family seemed to pass muster and were allowed to sit. Then I was taken to the back into the small room which my father used to keep the books, where the commander of the Tukans had set up his office. My own interrogation lasted only moments. The commander took one look at Dar, asked if I was the mother and then sent me off to be taken for further questioning. I my stomach knotted with fear as I knelt with the three guests, two of them furs or mixed bloods, who were also to be taken for further questioning. I was terrified, especially for my son Dar; I was almost certain that they would kill him because of his demon blood, but there was nothing I could do. Trying to resist or flee was out of question, there were almost a dozen soldiers guarding us and I had little doubt that they would hurt me or kill me if I tried anything. From what I could make out of their talk (we had enough Tukan guests that I knew enough of their language to get a good idea of what they were saying) some of them were actually hoping to get a chance to hurt me. The only good thing I could see was that at least the rest of my family seemed to be safe, at least for now. And then the interrogations were over. One by one those chosen for further questioning were told to stand up, hobbled and blindfolded (their hands were already tied up). When my turn came, the commander snarled at me, "Slut, we'll leave your hands free so you can carry that demon spawn. If you give us any trouble I will kill it and you. Do you understand?" I nodded. I was also hobbled and blindfolded. One of the soldiers took my arm in his hand, squeezing me so hard with his mailed hand that my eyes started watering from pain. Then I was dragged from the inn where I had lived my whole life.

I stumbled along blindly. Whenever I moved too slow to suit him - or maybe just when the mood took him - the soldier holding my arm in an iron grip dug his thumb in so hard I it took all of my willpower to keep from screaming in pain. Eventually we entered a room - I couldn't see anything, but I could hear and smell a lot of people close to me - and I was forced to kneel once more. A second soldier helped me kneel, with my hobbled feet I would likely not be able to stand without help. The room stank of fear. I could hear soldiers walking, their weapons banged against the floor. More and more people were brought in. Every now and then I heard a grunt or a barely suppressed scream of pain. I have no idea how long I waited. I was terrified and prayed to Lillith desperately to keep Dar quiet. I don't know how long I waited, but it couldn't have been all that long. Maybe a bell or so. Suddenly two hands grabbed my arms and lifted me to my feet. "Come." The two dragged me almost as much as they led me. We didn't go all that far. Suddenly we stopped and a moment later my blindfold was removed. I found myself in the chamber of justice. At the high table in front of me sat three persons, two males and a female. After a moment I made sense of the markings on their robes: in the center sat a priest of Uriel, to his right sat a priest of Gabriel and to his left a priestess of Anita. "You stand accused of consorting with demons. How do you plead?" I stared at them in shock. "I..." I tried to speak, but couldn't. "Wife, examine the child." "Yes, my husband." The priestess stood up and approached me. She lifted Dar's head gently and froze, "Holy Mother!" She stepped back and made a sign of warding. "Yes?" "That is a demon-spawn. Without doubt." She returned to her seat. The priest of Uriel looked at me, "Is this your child, girl?" There was little doubt in denying it, "Yes, Sir." "Who was the father?" "A demon, Sir." "Very well, so be it." He turned to the side and commanded, "Captain, take care of it." One of the soldiers who lined the walls stepped saluted and stepped forward, "Yes, your holiness." He closed on me and grabbed Dar. "No!" I tried to hold onto my son, but the soldier was much stronger and he felt no need to be gentle. Dar started crying the moment the rough hands touched him. The two soldiers who had been holding my arms forced them behind my back and my wrists were tied. Dar's cries faded behind me as he was carried away and then stopped with a dreadful finality. "No." "You stand accused not just of consorting with hell-spawn, but you had carnal relations with them. What do you have to say for yourself?" "I... Yes, Sir, I mated with a demon and he fathered a son on me. But what could I do? I'm just a poor servant girl. When the demon visited the inn I worked at and stayed for the night, he desired me. How could I tell him no? Had he wanted to force himself on me, I could not have stopped him. Had I displeased him, he might have hurt or killed me. Nobody would have lifted a finger to defend me, not against a demon. There was nothing I could do, Sir." "I see." He turned to the priest of Gabriel, "Your counsel, Father?" "There may be some extenuating circumstances but I doubt that a pelt like her tried very hard to say no. She probably enjoyed it. She mated with a demon. Let her soul be cleansed." "Wife?" "Punishment yes, but not death. She is young and may still be saved. If she agrees to work for redemption, I counsel that she be given a chance to seek salvation." "I see." The priest turned back to me. I could see not a hint of mercy in his eyes. "I do not think that she can be saved. Take her to the gallows and stretch her neck." With that he rapped his gavel. "No, please..." I struggled for a moment, but then one of the soldiers punched me in the gut and they dragged me away.

The scene outside was horrible. A double row of Tukan soldiers with leveled spears kept the crowd at bay, protecting the town hall and keeping about half the town square clear. In the center stood an improvised gallows. In front of the town hall knelt convicts in several rows. A noose with a short rope was put around my neck and I was forced to kneel at the end of one of the rows. Just as I emerged, one unfortunate victim was forced to walk off the stairs. He (or she, I couldn't tell) dropped, his neck broke with a loud crack and he dangled for a bit. The body was lowered to the ground and the noose unhooked. Two slaves dragged the body away and threw it on the pile of dead bodies. The next victim was dragged to the gallows, the noose around his neck connected to the hook. A priest of Gabriel talked with him for a few moment and then he had to climb the stairs. Two slaves cranked the crane up once more. When it was in position the victim was poked in the back with a spear until he stepped forward and off the stairs. Behind the gallows was a big pile of firewood with two stakes. There were three persons chained to them, one to each stake and the third person was chained between the two. All were clothed in shapeless black robes, sinner's robes as the celestials called them. At first I didn't recognize the persons, but then, to my horror, I did. In the center was Mother Dahlia, the kind priestess of Lillith from my temple. I almost didn't recognize her, her face looked weird, almost not like a human face until I realized that they had sewn her mouth shut; her chin and throat were red with blood. They forced her to watch as many members of her flock were executed. It took me a bit longer to recognize the other two as Anna and Faith, the two lovers who had cared for the orphans at the temple. A squad of soldiers guarded and taunted them. These soldiers all wore red armbands with a strange symbol. I later learned that this identified them as members of the Sin Squad, an order dedicated to ferreting out heretics and sinners and to punishing them. When the inquisition needed helpers, they were always glad to lend a hand or a sword. Slaves had erected two more stakes and were busy piling wood around them while another group of Sin Squad members guarded a pair of convicts; I recognized one of the convicts as a priest of Belial. I stared ahead at the horrors in front of me. I felt empty and full of terror at the same time, trying to come up with a way to save myself, but my mind refused to work. I couldn't even weep or close my eyes. Suddenly the first row of convicts had disappeared and soldiers forced the people in the second row to get up, walk a few paces closer to the gallows and kneel again. A minute later they started with the third row and I had to advance to the second row. It felt as if the noose around my neck got tighter and tighter.

Suddenly a woman in a white robe stood in front of me; on her left chest she was a symbol I did not know, a red embroidered many-tailed whip; I guessed that she was a nun or priestess, but I did not know from which order. She bent down a little, put her hand under my chin and studied my face. In a stern voice she asked in Tukan, "Why were you convicted, my child?" "I'm tavern wench at an inn. A year ago a traveling demon stayed at the inn and desired me. He sired a son on me. They condemned me for this." "I see." She considered me, "A terrible sin, but maybe not a mortal one. Would you like a chance to redeem yourself?" Hope flared in my chest, "Yes, your holiness." "Very well. Take her to my office." The last was addressed at a pair of soldiers who helped me stand and led me back into the town hall. They took me to a small office where I was told to kneel in front of the desk and wait. There was another girl already waiting. A nun in a gray robe watched us and a pair of soldiers guarded the door. I waited and two more girls were brought into the room before the white robed nun returned. She sat down behind the desk and considered us. She folded her hands and said, "I am Sister Mari, a Superior Sister of the order of Santa Juanita. The main purpose of our order is to give girls who have sinned a chance at redemption through service, hard work, prayer and mortification of the flesh. You have all been sentenced to death by the highest authority, I can not change this. But if you join our order, the sentence will be held in abeyance. You can leave the order at any time, if should you wish it, but then your sentence will be carried out. Do you understand?" I nodded, as did the others. She went on, "If you join our order, you will have to work tirelessly and serve without complaint. You will mortify your flesh and pray. All this will be unpleasant, even painful, but this is not to torture you. All this is simply to help you redeem yourself, to show you the error of your ways and the true path. To guide your soul to salvation. You will begin as 'sinners', in time, if you prove yourself you will be allowed to join the order as a full sister, advance through the ranks and help others follow you on the road to redemption. As sinners you are not allowed to speak unless you are spoken to. You must obey all commands without fail or and serve without complaint. We are often called 'God's mules' and with good reason. Now..." she looked at each of us in turn, "do you want to join the Holy Order of Mother Juanita? Or would you prefer to back outside and await your turn?" I swallowed hard at that, the noose seemed to tighten until I could hardly breathe. Joining a crazy penitentiary order was just about the last thing I wanted. But I didn't want to die and this was likely my only chance to see another day. And, perhaps, one day I might escape and avenge my son Dar. "I want to join your order, Superior Sister." One by one the others mirrored my request. "Very well. You are not yet part of our order, but you will behave as such." She clapped her hands and turned to the gray-robed sister, "Ask our protectors to enter." The gray-robed sister opened the door and the two soldiers who had stood guard entered. "My lords, would you please escort these girls to the quarters of my order?" "We don't know where they are." She pointed at the gray-robed sister, "She can lead you there." "Then we shall lead them there, holy sister." Then he commanded, "Come with us you four." They helped us get up and then one of the soldiers pulled out a piece of rope and tied the ends of the nooses around our necks together. "Follow me." He walked out of the room with the gray-robed sister and we followed; the second soldier followed behind us. Outside the grim work had continued, the pile of bodies was noticeably bigger than before. The slaves had finished the second pile of wood and the priest of Belial had been chained to the stakes, together with another person, likely another priest or maybe an initiate or novice. Four more soldiers joined our little procession and we were escorted towards the docks. The sisters had taken over a small warehouse. Above the door hung their symbol, a white sheet with the red many-tailed whip. Several soldiers stood guard around the building. We went into the big hall and had to kneel close to several other girls, all of them also with nooses around their necks. The soldiers who had escorted us left with the gray-robed sister.

We waited a long time. One gray-robed sister watched us. Several more females were brought in. After a while two more sisters entered, a white and another gray. With them came a pair of slaves. They set up two braziers and assembled a wooden contraption. A vertical board of inch-thick wood, about five foot high and three wide. In front of it was a plank, about three foot off the floor and about a foot in front of the big board. They also put a couple of pegs into the big board close to the bottom and placed a small trough there. They bought coal for the braziers and a chest. Then they laid down a few reed mats, brought in some buckets filled with water and left. And then and we had to wait again. I was getting hungry and thirsty, I had not eaten since I had broken my fast. Somehow it seemed that had been a lifetime away, not just a few hours. I wondered if I might ask for something to drink, at least, but the way the white robed sister looked at us convinced me that I could not expect to receive anything and that I would most likely be punished for speaking up. I soon learned that it was indeed so, thankfully because someone else made the mistake of opening her mouth. It must have been late afternoon when things finally started happening again. By now there were about fifteen 'recruits' in the room. I did not dare to look around much as the gray sister had a whip in her hand and had used it several times when other girls had moved or spoken up. Three gray robes entered. They lit the torches, closed the window shutters and barred the doors. Then they lit the braziers and opened the chest. From it they took several branding irons, heavy leather gloves and such. I swallowed hard, it seemed obvious that they would brand us. I had heard that it was supposed to be extremely painful. When the braziers were burning hotly they set the irons in them. After a while several more sisters entered, three white robes and another six gray robes. One of the white robes had a yellow (probably supposed to be gold) band around each wrist and a wide yellow sash across her chest, one of the others had a narrow yellow sash across her chest. The one with the wide sash seemed to be the leader and addressed us, "You are sluts, whores, sinners, heretics or even devil-worshipers. All mortal sins, meriting a serious punishment or even death. But you have been given a chance to redeem yourself and purge the stains from your soul. If you wish it, you may join the Holy Order of Mother Juanita as probationary members or 'sinners'. If you atone for your sins and prove your worth and dedication you will be allowed to become full members in time. If you decline this offer, you will be returned to the holy authorities to be dealt with as you deserve." The white robe with the narrow sash grinned at us, held a fist next to her neck and then jerked it upwards. I shivered but I hardly needed the remainder, I had felt the noose around my neck all day long. Still, I doubted any sane female would join them on her own, so they made sure to remind us of the alternative. "I am Mother Penance and I will tell you what it means to join our order. First, whatever sins and crimes you were sentenced for are not simply forgiven. Your sentence is not rescinded but held in abeyance while you are a member of our order. Should you leave the order, either because you desire it or because you are expelled, you will be handed over to the proper authorities. So that you will not forget and so that anyone who sees you will know, you will be branded with a sign indicating your sentence." "Second, you will swear an oath to serve in our order. You will behave in the proper manner prescribed for a sister of Mother Juanita and obey all the rules without fail. You will serve and obey your superiors in the order and all other proper authorities. You will serve, not because you must, but you want to. It is a privilege to serve in our order, one you will have to prove yourself worthy of every day. Through service you will find redemption and your sins shall be forgiven in the end. You serve out of your own free will, because you want to cleanse your soul of its sins so it can enter heaven after your death." "Third, you will leave your old life behind. The moment you join our order, all existing ties of allegiance or family are dissolved. After that you belong to the Holy Order of Mother Juanita. As sinners you will not have a name, but once you are admitted as a full member of the order, you will be baptized and receive a new name." "We are often called 'God's mules'. Those who do not know us say this in jest or as an insult, but we wear this name with pride. The harder the work, the more unpleasant the service, the more it helps us to better ourselves. You will serve, not just without complaint, but willingly, no matter the task. You do not have to take a vow of silence, but you will not talk unless you are spoken to first or in a dire emergency." "You will pray, for forgiveness and for the strength to better yourself. You will mortify your flesh, to cleanse your sins and to teach you to abstain from the pleasures of the flesh. You will be tested; your resolve, your faith and your purity will be tested, again and again. If you pass the tests, you will slowly shed your sins and you will advance in the order. If you fail..." "You will never be punished, but you will be guided and evaluated by your superiors. If your resolve and faith is found to be flagging, you will be given an opportunity to prove your dedication to correct your shortcomings and to better yourself." She turned to the gray robes tending the braziers and asked, "Are we ready?" One of the gray robes put on heavy leather gloves, pulled pulled a branding iron from the red-hot brazier and held it close to her face, feeling the heat and then spit on it. After a moment she put the iron back into the coals and nodded, "Yes, Holy Mother. It will be just a few more moments until the irons are hot." "Very good." She turned back to us, "Who wants to go first?" Terrified silence filled the room and stretched, longer and longer. When nobody answered she went on, "None of you have to join. If you don't want to, just say it and leave. But if you do want to join, you will have to step forth yourself."

Once again silence filled the hall. I was terrified, but suddenly I could not take it any more. Painful or not, I had to do this if I wanted any chance to avenge my son. "I... I want to join your order, Mother." The white robes looked at me, surprised that a mere fur would show the most courage and be the first to take the plunge, "Bring her to me." Two gray robes helped me stand and led me to stand before Mother Penance. "You will be branded with a noose on your left breast. It will be very painful. Do you understand." I tried to stand as straight as I could, "Yes, Mother, I understand. I am ready." "Untie her." The two gray robes untied my wrists. I grimaced as my paws began to hurt, they felt like pins and needles. They had been tied so tight and long I had lost all feeling in them. They also removed the hobbles from my feet. "Take off your clothes." It took me a while as my fingers refused to obey me at first, but eventually I managed to remove my blouse and then my skirt. "Get on the rack. You two help her." My knees felt so weak I was surprised that I managed the short walk over to the rack. One of the gray robed sisters whispered instructions in my ear and then they helped me arrange myself to their satisfaction. I climbed up the pegs with my back to the big board, until I could wedge my arms into the empty space behind the board. I hung by my arms, my body arcing painfully but held in place by the plank pressing against my belly. When my arms were in place the two pulled my legs apart until my feet stood on the outermost pegs. With all this my body was pretty much fixed in place. The gray robe with the leather gloves checked several branding irons until she found one she liked. She approached me, showed me the glowing piece of iron in the shape of a noose. She held it in front of my left breast for a moment so I could feel the heat. And then she pressed it against my flesh. For a moment I felt nothing but then pain exploded through my body. I screamed, then it hurt so much I couldn't breathe or scream and then I passed out. A splash of cold water revived me. I would have preferred to remain senseless, the brand hurt so much. I groaned, barely able to suppress further screams. A vile stench filled my nose, burned fur and flesh and excrement, I must have voided myself. Now I knew what the trough was for. They let me rest for a few moments and then the two gray robes helped me climb down from the rack. It took a while for me to get enough control over my body to manage it, but eventually I did. I could barely see anything, my eyes were filled with tears and I wouldn't have been able to remain upright without the support of the two. A white robed sister removed the noose that was still around my neck. The two carried more than led me to one of the reed mats and helped me lie down. My head swam from the pain, I had to force myself to breathe slowly and try not to cry too loudly. I heard the white robed leader ask, "Who is next? You?" A shrieked "No!" answered her. "Sister?" I didn't look what was going on, but I heard one of the smaller doors being opened and the respectful, "My lords, this girl does not wish to join our order." "No! Please!" There were the sounds of a brief struggle and then the unfortunate girl was dragged out of the room and the door barred once more. There was a short silence and then several of the female begged to be allowed to join at once. After this there was no further resistance. One by one the females asked to join, were branded and then laid down on one of the mats to rest after the ordeal. At some point a gray robed sister knelt next to me and smeared a salve on the brand. I almost passed out from the pain again. I hoped that it was a medicine, but if it was, it did not help with the pain in any way.

After all of us recruits were branded, they let us rest for a while. Mother Penance clapped her hands and commanded, "Get up on your knees, sinners!" I groaned and struggled to get up. My limbs felt so weak I was surprised that I actually managed it without falling over or passing out; every movement that put any kind of strain on my chest hurt like crazy. Some of the others required assistance to get up. "I will now take your oaths. When you have given them, you will be probationary members of the Holy Order of Mother Juanita. While you are a probationary member or 'sinner' you will never refer to yourself in the first person, but always use 'this sinner'. I will recite the oath for each of you, clause by clause. If you agree and swear, you will reply 'so this sinner vows' to each clause." She moved to stand in front of me, held out her hands and commanded, "Give me your hands and look at me." I put my hands in hers and looked up at her face. I couldn't read the expression on her face. A moment later she was joined by another white sister on her right and a gray sister on her left. The white sister held a narrow wooden board in her hands. I later learned that they called these boards 'rulers' because, as they put it, they used them to 'straighten us out' and keep us on the 'straight and narrow'. "I vow to obey all the order's rules. I vow to obey my superiors be they members of the order, members of other holy orders or anyone set above me. I shall obey them without question and without fail." She stopped speaking and when I realized that it was time for me to answer, I did, "So this sinner vows." "I swear to serve those above me in any way that is asked of me. I shall work to serve them tirelessly and without complaint, no matter what is asked of me." "So this sinner vows." "I vow to better myself through prayer and the mortification of my flesh. I will ask my superiors for guidance and follow their suggestions. When I falter I will beg them to encourage me, when I fail in my duties I will beg them to correct me." "So this sinner swears." "I swear to become an exemplary student of Mother Juanita, to learn from her sacrifices, to make them my own, to follow the holy path without straying. I swear to refrain from all pleasures of the flesh so my soul can be cleansed. I offer my body to the holy path to save my soul. I will obey." "So this sinner swears." "You are accepted as a probationary member of the Holy Order of Mother Juanita. You may stand." The gray robed sister helped me stand. "You may now ask for encouragement on the true path." She stepped back and the gray robe took my paws. It took me a moment to understand what she meant. Groaning inwardly I said, "This sinner begs encouragement to follow the true path." The gray robed sister led me to the now unused rack, turned my paws palm up and placed them on the board. The white robe brought her cane down on my palms, hard, once, twice, three times. I flinched and barely managed to contain the screams of pain. Then she stepped behind me and spanked my rump, three strokes on the right cheek and three on the left. "You may robe her." Mother Penance made a sign of blessing and stepped away. Two gray robed sisters approached, carrying a black robe. They showed me the robe, it was completely black except for a small red embroidered whip and a couple of Tukan letters underneath the whip which I could not read. One of them pointed at the symbols and said in a low voice, "This is the number one hundred and five. Remember this. When the need arises you will answer to it, as if it was your name." A leather cuff was tied around the base of my tail, the tail was wrapped around my hips and the tip tied to the cuff. Then they put a chastity belt around my hips. A wide leather strap went between my legs. It had to rather large hole in the back and a slit in the front. In the slit were jagged metal teeth. They did not cut my flesh, but should anybody try to use me, he would be cut (and they might cut my insides as well). One of the white robed sisters spoke a short prayer and touched the belt, sealing it closed. I lifted my arms and they pulled the robe over my head. It was made of the roughest and scratchiest material I had ever had the misfortune to feel; compared to it, the rags we had used to wash the floor at the inn had felt like the finest linen. A scream welled up from my throat when the scratchy fabric slid down my chest. The robe contained a belt which went around my waist and was tied in the back. The sleeves had leather cuffs sewn into them. The cuffs were tied around my wrists. Below the cuffs was enough fabric to hide my paws. The cuffs, belt and collar consisted of a heavy leather strap with one D-Rings at one end and several slits at the other end. The belt and collar had a second D-Ring at the center so there was one at the front and one at the back. The D-Ring went through one of the sits and was fixed in place by the simple means of tying a piece of string or rope to it. The rings on the cuffs around my wrists were set far enough away from my hands that I could not reach the knot if it was tied tightly. They tied tied the cuffs to the ring at the rear of the belt. Near the bottom of the robe was a sewn in piece of rope which they tightened, so I that I was hobbled and could only walk with small steps. They held a small mug to my mouth and I drank the water greedily. It was way too little, but better than nothing. They pulled the hood over my head. At the front of the hood were two sets of flaps (one lower which covered my mouth and an upper set that hid my eyes) which they tied together, leaving only a narrow slit through which I could look out. I couldn't see much, the hood didn't fit my head very well. The fabric was not completely opaque, but I could not make out much through it. With that done they moved on to the next girl. I stood there and waited while they went down the line, clothing, or, more correctly, wrapping and tying up, each girl in turn. The robe smelled bad, I doubted that it had been washed since the last time it was used, if it had ever been. Mother Penance clapped her hands and said, "It's time to sleep. Sinners, you will be taken outside to relieve yourself and then you will go to bed. Good night," One of the gray robed sisters took my arm and led me outside. Without her guidance I would have tripped several times. Outside was a big pile of dung. The sister led me there and hiked up the hem of the robe, tying it to the belt. They had put two planks over the pile and I walked up them, one foot on each plank. I relieved myself standing up, not that I needed it all that much, as I had emptied myself when I was branded. I was not allowed to clean myself (with my arms tied up I couldn't) and the gray sister didn't offer to do it. She just let the robe out again and led me back inside and down stairs into the cellar. A single torch barely lit the empty room. The loam floor was covered by rough reed mats. The sister helped me lie down and tied my ankles together. I tried to find a comfortable position, but on the cold, hard and uneven floor my only choices were between bad and worse. I could barely move and every move hurt as the scratchy fabric shifted over the oozing wound on my breast. One by one the other girls were brought in and laid down around me. The sister took the torch with her when she left, leaving us in complete darkness. The only light came through a small hole high up, but that provided almost no illumination. The door was barred, locking us into the room. It was the most unpleasant night I ever had the misfortune to experience. I was cold, hungry and in constant pain, from the wound and the gravelly floor under the thin mat. It didn't take long before the thirst returned as well. The night dragged on and on. I cried until my eyes held no more tears and I was far from the only one; I'm not sure if any one of us managed not to cry. I don't know if I slept at all, if I did what little sleep I got provided no refreshment.