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Kinky TSA

Chapter 1: Morning Meeting

Sponsored by Kacacarrotcake

By Draconicon

Every airport had problem employees. Nida was used to that; after being sent from one airport to another to train various security teams, she knew that there were all sorts of goofballs that needed a firm hand to teach them what to do. She expected to find this one no different, despite being an ancient start-up airport that had been abandoned for years. There were still standards that had to be followed, and while they'd still need to meet TSA guidelines, she was sure that the hiring managers at the airport still followed those minimum standards for employment.

Her first step into the briefing room, however, dispelled that.

A big red and yellow dragon was laid out on one of the biggest table, a yellow dragon standing at his head and pouring a drink down his throat, while a black-coated unicorn straddled the larger dragon and was in the process of pressing down against the bigger male's cock. She was gradually sliding down his...member...and taking more and more of it inside her as the rest of the group chanted encouragement.

"Ride, ride, ride, ride!" they shouted, like college students around a keg and pledge.

The German Shepherd could only thank her training as all she did in response to the rampant debauchery in the room was raise an eyebrow. She glanced around for a familiar face, and eventually found it in the brown-furred stallion at the back of the group. The horse, the acting supervisor named Edgar, met her eyes and immediately stiffened.

"Break it up, break it up!" the horse bellowed, the shout echoing in the small room and startling everyone. "Get off and in line."

"Oh come ooooon," the unicorn whinnied. "I'm so close. He's just another five inches."

"Yeah, come on, man," the dragon said.

"Break time's over, everyone. Supervisor's here. Now, break it up!"

The horse shoved them apart with remarkable alacrity, and all the other members of the local team were quick to adjust themselves, shoving bulges down or adjusting their uniforms so that they weren't quite so conspicuous. Edgar seemed to be having a harder time, but the middle-aged horse was quick to shove his chest out and salute her, regardless of the hard-on that was running down his pants.

Within thirty seconds, the rest of the team was dressed, though sloppily in the case of the unicorn and red dragon. The yellow one must have disposed of the bottle in the chaos, and Nida made a mental note to look for it after this first meeting was done.

As they pushed the tables back with their hips, their hands situated just over their eyes in a salute, the German Shepherd looked up and down the line. They were definitely...unique.

"...At ease."

They dropped their hands back to their waists. One of them, an otter standing at Edgar's right, started to slouch a little, but the horse dragged him upright again, hissing something in his ear.

At least the acting supervisor knows procedure, she thought, shaking her head.

The briefing room was a state. There were puddles on the floor, and she didn't want to know how long they had been...enjoying themselves...before she got there. She stepped around one set of thick, white ropes of fluid on the floor, stretched her legs over a larger, clearer puddle, and rounded the far side of what would ostensibly be her desk now that she had come to take over. The floor was clean on that side, but -

Nida paused, her lips pursing ever so slightly as she reached down and picked up a dildo that had been left in her seat. Point up. The Shepherd gradually turned it, gripping the base, and then turned to her employees.

"...If this is a gift, it isn't very well thought out."

She set it down on the desk. The length of the shaft was at least double what her last male partner had had, and it had spikes running along the sides of the shaft as if it was made to model a monster that had never actually existed. However, it was clean, which was honestly better than she expected.

After making sure that there were no more surprises under the desk - and finding a fat-bottomed rabbit under it, who she tossed into line with the rest - she sat down, folding her hands together and looking up and down the line.

Each of the team had a different look to them, and she could see that they hadn't been taking care of their uniforms, for the most part. They looked a bit bedraggled, and some of them needed definite patching. The only two that seemed to be particularly enthusiastic about keeping them in good shape was a stingray at the far end of the line and Edgar towards the middle. Everyone else...

She saw the stains that lingered at the crotch and at other places, and the German Shepherd sighed. Things were worse than Homeland Security thought.

"I can see that we have a lot of work to do."

"I take full responsibility for everything, ma'am," Edgar said, stepping forward with his hands behind his back. "I should have taken the rascals in line and kept them working properly. I volunteer for after-hours training with any of them that need it."

"Noted."

She gestured for him to step back in line, looking at the team that she'd been handed. Edgar might be a bit overenthusiastic, but he'd also let them slip this far. That couldn't just be ignored.

At any rate, she needed to know who she was dealing with as well as what. She turned to the far end of the line, nearest to the door. A lion in a uniform that was just a bit too tight stood grinning, his hips thrust forward ever so slightly. Nida shook her head.

"Name and position."

"My name's Fy, my beautiful supervisor."

"Supervisor Nida will do. Position?"

"I work at the scanner at the checkpoint. I make sure nobody gets through hiding anything on their person."

"Yeah, and gets off fondling everyone," the rabbit said, laughing.

"Shut up, Randy. You do the same thing."

"Yes, but I let them fuck me more."

"Quiet."

It was a simple, quiet word, but it was enough to silence the two. She opened one of the files that she'd brought with her, turning it to the page that had the lion's picture on it.

"Fyacin Tia. Body-checker and scanner for the last two years. Several harassment complaints. Paid fines in the total amount of $3,000 in settlements to the court. Responsible for $2,000 more paid out by the TSA on your behalf. Is this correct?"

"Uh, well, yes, ma'am, but you see, those were all actual dangerous travelers. They were packing deadly weapons in their pants."

Looking up from her file, the Shepherd grabbed the dildo that had been waiting for her. She lifted it up, pointing the tip at the lion with a raised eyebrow, and he blushed.

"Um...well, there's various definitions to deadly weapons."

"...No, there aren't."

"Um...Can I try again?"

"It is not called a second impression, Fyacin. In line."

The lion blushed, to his credit, which meant that he at least knew that he had made a mistake. She wondered if it would mean that he learned his lesson properly.

Gesturing at the next person in line, Nida flicked through her file again. This time, it was a shark woman, who wore sunglasses. She glanced at the file again, paused, and then looked up once more.

"Sunglasses off, unless you have a prescription."

"Who says I don't?"

"You just did by not offering one. Off."

"...I want to keep them on."

"Supervisor says take them off, you take them off!"

Edgar's bellow didn't quite make the shark jump, but she did reach up to her head and slowly pull them off. Nida, however, didn't let it end there. She held out her hand.

"Give them here."

"What? Why?"

"You're entitled to scan people with approved equipment, not improvised goggles."

"How did you - oh, goddamn it, Edgar! Did you rat me out again?"

"Give."

Curling her fingers, the Shepherd gestured for the shark to hand them over again. Eventually, the woman stepped forward and pressed the glasses into her palm, and Nida held them up to her eyes. She had a guess as to what they were for, and as she glanced at her arm, she was right.

Anti-cotton lenses, she thought, feeling along one of the lenses to see if - yes, there was a switch on it. And with other settings, too...

So, the rumors about this one being a bit of a gadgeteer were not wrong. She put the glasses back down, not in the mood to see herself or anyone else naked in line. She had already gotten enough of an eyeful there.

"Name and position."

"Yala, queen of the machines."

The shark was definitely one for sass, she was noticing. She cocked her head to the side, shaking her head. Yala just grinned.

"What you gonna do? Get angry?"

"No. But I may dock your pay to compensate for the inevitable training courses you'll need."

"Go ahead. Do it."

"Alternatively, I can reassign you to check-in duty at the front desk. I'm sure the one airline struggling to get flights out of this airport would appreciate a free employee for bag-check duties."

"..."

"Again. Name and position."

"...You're a bitch, you know that? You got my file, you know it already."

"Yes, but protocol says that you're allowed a chance to introduce yourself. So." She turned to the file, looking away from the lean, willowy shark woman. "Yala Akert, scanning technician, assigned to bag-check machines and responsible for the upkeep of the body-scan machines. Charged with eight counts of reckless use of SCS, four harassment suits, and..." She paused, looking up. "Seven counts of involuntary arson?"

"Her machines explode regularly, ma'am," Edgar said, helpfully.

"Shut up, kiss-ass."

"That is a mark off your record...provided that you can stop bringing your custom machines to the checkpoint," Nida said as she turned the page. "Back in line. You. Rabbit."

"Randy, ma'am, same position as Fyacin," the round-hipped rabbit said, stepping up until he was close enough to shed a bit of white fur on her desk. "And may I say you have a fine grip?"

"You may. That was one part of marine training that I didn't forget."

"M-marines?"

"Yes."

"Um, what - what else did you learn there?"

"Enough to break your hands if you don't remove them from my desk. Now."

For a moment, he almost seemed to have no hands as he pulled them back almost too fast to see. She nodded, turning to his page.

"Body-checker and scanner, joined the team two months ago...and you already have $7,000 in payouts from the TSA as settlements from harassment suits." She looked up from his folder. "And accusations of theft from three women."

"...They had cute skirts?"

"Ah. Should I file for an official change of gender for your personnel file?"

"Well, no, but...Uh...you know how good it feels to look nice, don't you?"

"...No."

"..."

"..."

"You just have no sense of style."

"Yes. Cattiness was noted. Back in line."

The rabbit grumbled. Edgar was next, and he stepped forward with a smile on his face, bobbing his head up and down. She pretended not to notice, turning the page in front of her instead to his file.

"Name and position?"

"Edgar Tomson, acting supervisor and head scanner and body-checker," he said.

"Yes, that's what the file says. It also says that you were investigated on two assault charges, and that two of your fellow team members filed sexual assault charges, though you were later cleared of those."

His face went pale, and he whipped his head around, glaring at the different members of the team. To a one, they all turned around and started whistling innocently...well, except for the otter after him and the stingray at the far end of the line. The former held up his hands, almost like he was gesturing for the stallion to be patient, while the stingray chuckled.

Edgar whipped his head back around, the tall equine looking like he was stuttering and stammering to find some sort of excuse for what was going on, or some sort of explanation. Nida fixed him with a stare, and he bowed his head.

"I apologize for everything, ma'am. I get overexcited sometimes, and I just want to be sure when it comes to everyone passing through the checkpoint. I promise you, nobody in the team was actually assaulted. I swear, I talked with our lawyer several times about this, and he promised me that this was handled."

"Handled, or resolved?"

"I can't properly remember his language, ma'am."

"Understandable. Back in line...and thank you for your enthusiasm."

"Ma'am."

Giving her a salute, Edgar backed up, and the otter stepped forward without being called. His hair was slicked back, and unlike the rest of the team, he didn't have a badge on his chest. She flicked through the papers until she found his sheet, and she leaned back a bit.

"Name and position."

"Slick, ma'am, and I'm the team lawyer. I'm surprised that's all the file that you have."

"Personnel only. They didn't offer me the full list of complaints, just the last year's worth."

"Yeah, that should be three times as thick for that."

"I see."

"Yeah, I'm carrying most of the files in the bags under my eyes," the otter said, pulling on the dark circles just visible through his fur. "They're terrible filing cabinets."

He got the slightest of smiles from her for that, but no more than that. She nodded.

"Compile a list for me. I don't want to be blindsided."

"Now or later?"

"Did I ask for it later?"

"Uh, no, ma'am, you didn't specify a time."

"..."

"Which, uh, means that you mean now. Right. Back in a minute!"

The otter dashed out almost comically fast, leaving a trail of dust and a rain of fluids in his wake. Some went flying through the air like a car skidding through a puddle, and a few splatters hit the side of her face.

Yala laughed, and she could see the stingray barely holding back a giggle of her own. The German Shepherd shook her head slowly as she looked at the remaining four staff members. She singled out the unicorn, her shoulders tensing and her chest feeling tight as she kept her breathing even.

"Name and position," she asked, dabbing her cheek with a miraculously dry tissue that she found on the far side of her desk.

"Ellyra, ma'am. Security enforcer. Um, are you okay? You seem really tense, and I mean really tense. Are we making you uncomfortable? Do you need -"

"Stop."

She held up her hand, taking a breath. She had expected insanity in this particular line-up, but she hadn't expected things to be quite like this. The files had implied that there were some psychoses and neuroses that would need to be handled in order to get this team properly whipped into shape, but she had never, ever imagined that overabundant sexuality was going to be this much of a problem.

She finished wiping her cheek clean, hiding the slight shake in her face behind that action. She needed them to see that she wasn't going to take bullshit, that she wasn't going to let them just run over her. Yala, in particular, needed to see that. The others were a bit clueless, and Fy and Randy definitely needed a strong hand to make them stop doing their stupid stuff, but the rest of them needed to be sure that she was a strong woman, someone that would keep them from slacking off and making stupid decisions.

Finally, she was clean and calm again. She put the tissue in the trash, and then folded her hands again.

"You have less on your file than most. A year and a half in security at this airport, five years in another. Why did you come here?"

"Well, um, I thought that it'd be fun. Less people out here, more good people to work with. It got so...so dull and stifling in the other airports."

"And are you afraid that I'm going to make it stifling out here?"

"Um...do you want me to be honest, ma'am?"

"..."

"Right. Yes. You do. Um, I think that you're going to change as much as we will. No offense."

"...Back in line."

"You sure you're okay? I can -"

"In. Line."

Shaking her head, the German Shepherd looked at the files. There was still the team medic, the team interrogator, and the last of the security enforcers. She glanced at them, at the red dragon, at the yellow dragon, and at the stingray.

Flipping the order to take control, she gestured at the stingray to come forward.

"Name and position."

"Ailsa Faustus. Interrogator."

"..."

"..."

"You know the quiet game."

"It's my job, yes."

"A job you take seriously, judging by your file."

"You can't make people talk without giving them the space to do it."

"Well, you've done more than make people talk. Do you know all the accusations here?" she asked, tapping the file.

"I'm aware."

"And you don't dispute them?"

"Only as much as Slick asks me to."

"...I see."

"Heh. Something wrong?" the stingray asked, leaning forward, the top button of her shirt coming undone to show a little cleavage. "Do you think that you should be afraid? Any secrets that you want to tell the team?"

"You're in my personal space now, interrogator."

"I don't believe that exists."

Nida arched an eyebrow...then she grabbed the dildo. SMACK!

The stingray jumped back, holding her nose. It had been nothing more than a light tap, really, but it was enough to get the other woman to jump out of the way. Shaking her head, Nida tossed the dildo down on the desk again, the spiked tip pointing towards the line of TSA employees.

"Next. You." She pointed at the red dragon. Thicker shouldered than anyone but Edgar, the dragon was pushing his uniform to its limits, his wings about ready to rip down the back and his thighs about ready to rip through his pants. The top two buttons were undone, and she could see a little sweat still on his scales from his previous...activities. "Name."

"Giron, ma'am. Heh. I'm surprised you haven't been jumping me like all the other ladies I talk to."

"Your file mentioned that you have enhanced pheromone production. I have already taken that into account."

"How?"

She tapped the side of her muzzle. The little bit of pressure pulled her nose back just enough to allow for the plastic insertions to be shown. They had little nets that filtered out the worst of the pheromones in the air, as well as most of the smells that came with them. She flipped to his page.

"Giron Allek. Security for a year here, no prior experience. Hired based on your species and claims of off-the-job training with a martial artist." She looked up. "Has there been any?"

"Do you count brawls as training?"

"No."

"Then nah."

"You also have two pending counts of sexual assault, as well as eight dismissed, and two accusations of witness intimidation."

"Um, I can vouch for him there, ma'am," Ellyra said, leaning around the bigger, thicker dragon. "I was with him in the case of all those, and while he was...overzealous, he's not been bad. Just eager."

"Eager can still be...bad."

"Yeah, but those bitches were all looking for fun. They smelled me, and after a few seconds, they were all over me."

"...So, pheromone abuse. I will keep that in mind."

"Sure you don't want to go for a rut yourself, bitch?"

The room went quiet, and this time, Nida didn't have to say anything. The black-furred unicorn stomped around the dragon, grabbing him by one of his horns and yanking his head down. She booped him on the nose, and then pulled something out of her pocket.

Nida arched her eyebrow again as the black equine put a pinwheel on her horn, tapping it and setting it spinning. The other eyebrow went up when the dragon started staring at it, his eyes following it around and around.

"Sleepytimes."

And just like that, the unicorn put the big dragon to sleep. The unicorn sat on him, crossing one hoofed leg over the other.

"Sorry. He gets out of hand. I still need to train him better."

"...See that you do."

That left one member of the team. She turned to the yellow dragon, curling her finger. He looked around, then stepped forward, looking slightly more nervous than the rest of them. Not horribly so, but definitely a bit more.

"Name and -"

"Engy, team medic. Um, yeah, there's some notes about some stolen supplies, but they're not stolen. I did - I think I did pay for them. Just off the books."

"..."

She had noticed that, but she hadn't been planning to bring that up with him. Instead, she had been planning to talk about his record, and more importantly, his prosthetic.

It was harder to see, due to the way that his suit was padded properly along that side of his body, and how he wore gloves rather than going bare-handed the way that the rest of them did, but the yellow dragon definitely had one. She flicked through to his file, turning it around so that it faced him but not the others. She made sure that he could see what she was pointing at - a picture of his metal arm - and pitched her voice quieter.

"Is this an issue?"

"Not so far...I mean, nobody said it was..."

The team immediately jumped forward, surprising her in the way that they were suddenly all around the medic. Engy shook his head, muttering that he was 'fine, fine,' and they stepped back. He looked rather embarrassed about that, too.

She glanced at him, tapping her fingers together.

"No problems, then. Records say that you haven't had any tune-ups or upgrades to that thing for the last three years."

"...I've been busy?"

"Not anymore. You're on restricted duty until you get it checked out."

"How restricted?"

"You're staying in the infirmary part of the checkpoint until it's up to standards."

"But - come on. That's boring. I'm going to go out of my mind in there."

"Guess you'll need to make sure that you get everything up to standard, then."

She nodded at him. The last thing that she needed was someone that had a substandard bit of equipment. Things might be slow out here in the ass end of nowhere, but she knew better than to think that excused any kind of inattention. The less that the workers cared about themselves, the less that they would care about their job, and that would ripple out until someone got hurt.

She wasn't going to let that happen. Not on her watch.

"Dismissed."

"Uh, to what?" Edgar asked.

"To your regular jobs."

"...Right, we know what those are. Fy, Randy, get the checkpoint opened. Yala, get the machines running, and -"

Already, she'd tuned him out, much as she expected most of the other employees had. They had the look in their eyes of people that had been doing this long enough to know how to get it done without being told, and she wouldn't be surprised if Edgar was being a bit of a blowhard to look like he was taking charge properly.

As soon as they left the room, she slowly crossed her arms in front of her. She deliberately put a smile on her face, slowly and steadily. It tried to fall, but she pushed it up anyway.

Then, she rammed her forehead down against her crossed arms. It was no pillow, so she still felt the impact of the headbutt against her forearms, but it was better than banging her head against the desk.

Stupid fucking cunt-busters...

Someone in Homeland Security must have developed a real hate-boner for her, because this was not going to be solved anytime quickly. Nida had been planning to go back to her home airport before too long, transfer back to Dallas and see what she could do down there, but this? This was going to be the work of half a year, at best, and she imagined that it was going to go even longer than that.

Bunch of perverts, bunch of nuts, bunch of...god, what even is the word for this bunch of weirdos?

She didn't know. She had been given a hell of a hand to work with, and she doubted that it was going to get better anytime soon. A lot of them were pissed at her from the way that she'd introduced herself and made it clear that she wasn't going to be joining in with their games, and she knew that Yala was going to be fucking with her as the days went on. Nobody liked having their toys taken in front of other people.

Ailsa was going to be a mixed bag. The interrogator would probably understand why she did what she did, but whether she would accept it was another question. She had every expectation that there'd be some revenge there, and she'd just have to hope that it was minor instead of major.

I'll be dealing with two super-flirts, one angry gadgeteer, a completely over-enthusiastic middle manager, a nervous medic, a pair of perverted enforcers, and an interrogator that seems to think that she can play with me. Lovely.

She groaned into her arms, huffing a few times before she forced herself to sit up straight again. No matter what else happened, she needed to stay focused. If she could do that, then she could keep things going the right way. If she kept her head on straight, then there was nothing that they could do to get at her.

"I'm back! I got all the fi-hi-wa-ha-hooooooey!"

The otter came back, alright, but as he ran into the room, he hit one of the puddles left over. He hydroplaned on it, shooting forward, spinning head over heels, and splashing through every conceivable puddle between the door and the wall opposite it. He slammed into a set of filing cabinets with his head on the floor and his shoes in the air, the files going everywhere as he lost his grip.

And Nida, unfortunately, took the blast right to the face. The first splat of cum had been bad enough, but now her cheeks were drenched with pussy juice, cum, and who knew what else that had been all over the floor.

Her cheeks burned in mixed rage and humiliation, and as Slick saw what had happened, his cheeks burned in response. She felt like she had a fireball of rage crawling along the sides of her head as she stared out of the mess on her face at him, her folded hands clenching tighter and tighter as she suppressed her own anger.

"Slick..."

"Um, yes?"

"Do you, perchance..." She wiped the side of her mouth. "Do you...perchance...happen to know how to make a cup of tea?"

"...I might have had some secretary time when I was learning law..."

"Get some. Now."

"Right away!"

"And!"

She jammed her arm out in front of her desk, stopping him from repeating the splatter experience.

"Slowly. No. More. Skimming. Slick. Understand?"

"Meep."

Nodding, she let him go. He started running as soon as he was out of sight, but that was fine. She got up, slammed the door, and screamed.

When she could stop screaming, she walked back to her desk. The dildo was still there, and as she picked it up, she could feel that it was a weighty thing. Nearly two feet long, and certainly big enough to be a good club.

Well, until I get a proper nightstick, this will do...

It'd be her scepter over her perverted subjects. She expected she'd have to whack them upside the head a few times with it before it was all said and done.

The End