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Stephan lay on his back, staring at the stucco ceiling of his bedroom. The teenager chose the floor rather than his bed. Something about the stiff flatness of the carpet felt more relaxing than a mattress. Maybe he was just being dramatic. Was this dramatic? Was being dramatic a sign of--

A knock on the door made the rat lurch up. His heart pounded like he nearly got caught doing something much worse than moping on the floor. A gentle voice, his father's, said, "Son? You got a minute?"

It was asked like a gentle question, but it never occurred to Stephan he had a choice. The rat swallowed the knot in his throat and said, "Uh, yeah."

The door opened and Jack stepped into Stephan's room. The familial recognition was instant. Both rats shared the same black, white, brown coat pattern. Stephan was already as tall as his father, if slimmer since adulthood had not yet filled Stephan out. The biggest difference between them was the crummy vision Stephan's received from his mother. One eye green, the other red and nearly blind. The heterochromatic rat wore thick-set corrective lenses just about all hours of the day.

"Can you join your mother and I in the kitchen?"

"Sure, is something wrong?"

"We'll talk in there."

Jack had just gotten home, and Stephan was terrified what this conversation entailed. His dad hadn't even taken off his police uniform yet. Nervous beyond compare, Stephan stuffed his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie and followed his dad--the younger rat's tail curling inward and out. This is it. I don't know how they found out, but I am so dead--fuck I deserve this, though. Whatever's coming to me...

His mother wore a sundress, had a chocolate brown coat, and the same glasses and eyes as her son. She sat at the kitchen table, the seat across from her pulled out and waiting for Stephan. Jack sat beside his wife. Lory, his mother, asked, "How was your day, dear? You went right to your room when you got home."

"It was fine," Stephan answered as he sat down. "Same old school."

"You say that," Jack said, "but you're teachers beg to differ... come on boy, stop slouching and look at us. We taught you better manners than that."

Deep breath in, Stephan summoned the will to care so his parents might care less about him. Not care less... notice less. He sat up straight and looked at them both before he asked, "Did one of my teachers write you?"

"We got an email this afternoon from Mr. Lightfoot. He said your grades are slipping, that you've been talking less in class. He's concerned about you and says your other teachers have noticed a similar change," Lory said. She reached across the table and offered her hand. Reluctantly, Stephan took it, but did not meet his mother's concerned gaze.

_Why can't people just leave me alone?_Stephan shifted in his seat and muttered, "Sorry, I don't mean to cause trouble."

Jack placed his hand on Stephan and Lory's and squeezed it. "You're not in trouble, son. We're worried about you. We noticed something wrong a couple months ago, but teenagers have moody phases..." Jack trailed off at a look from his wife, "Er, we prayed for you but wanted to leave whatever you're going through between you and the Lord. But if things are getting too bad..."

"We hate seeing you suffer, dear," Lory finished. "You know you can tell us anything."

But could he? Stephan's throat felt cloying and dry. His hand was claustrophobic in his parent's grip and his palm started sweating. He thought of what his father said just last week: All we can do is pray that God will set those sinners on the right path. Otherwise, we just need to keep their distance from them. Jack said it after they drove by a group of young teenagers dressed gaudily and with unclear genders. Some queers Stephan's age that the rat had watched with both envy and dread. He envied how comfortable in their own skin they seemed, and dreaded that he felt any envy at all.

Stephan, struggling for words, decided for the dozenth time to swallow what had been causing his suffering lately. He said, "It's fine. I'm fine." He pulled his hand back into his lap.

Jack sighed, "If you won't talk to us you need to talk to someone."

Stephan gawked a moment, thinking his father meant a licensed therapist.

"Pastor Bobby counsels some other church youths on Saturdays."

"I really don't--"

"It's either you talk to someone or your grounded."

"But me and Lloyd--"

"Lloyd and I," his father corrected.

Stephan resisted rolling his eyes. "Lloyd and _I_have a camping trip this weekend."

Lory said, "You're uncle can wait. He would understand this is more important."

"Mom," Stephan pleaded, fighting back tears, "This trip is really important to me." It had been months since he'd seen Lloyd, the longest span of time he'd gone without talking to or seeing his godfather. His parents didn't let Stephan have a cellphone, so it really had been months without talking to his godfather.

"Then tell us something," Jack snapped. Stephan flinched as if his father did much more than raise his voice. The older rat folded his arms across his chest and added, "Well?"

Desperate to appease them, Stephan grabbed the first lie he could, "There's, um, a girl. I had--have a crush on and she, uh, she blew me off, alright? And I didn't want to tell anyone because it's just humiliating and... and..." Stephan's voice quivered, carrying through this lie was adding so much stress on top of everything else he nearly started crying. It made his performance more believable, though.

"Oh, son," Jack got up and rounded the table. He hugged the younger rat, whispering, "There's nothing wrong with getting rejected. It happens. I'm just glad to hear you're finally taking an interest in girls."

Now Stephan started crying. His chest was a pit of aching. He buried his face in his father's sternum to muffle his sobs. Lory came around to his other side and rubbed his back. Both his parents tried to soothe his tears, but Stephan just cried until his throat hurt.

***

For the first time in weeks, the butterflies in Stephan's stomach were one of excitement. He rushed to the front door when he heard a knock on it. Stephan wrenched it open and squeaked, "Lloyd!"

"Hey Steph! How--oof," Stephan practically tried to tackle the wolf when he hugged him. "It's good to see you, too, kid."

"I'm not a kid anymore," Stephan huffed.

"Heh, you'll always be a kid to me."

"Whatever, shut up," Stephan said, nuzzling into the bigger wolf's chest. Lloyd's scent, a little dusty and masculine, always comforted the rat. It had just been so long since Stephan had seen him... the rush of emotions in Stephan's chest made him quickly pull away. "Uh, sorry, it's just--"

Lloyd gave him a toothy grin and tussled Stephan's shock of blond hair. "I was excited to see you, too."

At that moment, Jack called from down the hall, "Who is that ole bastard I hear?"

"Still a year younger than you, old man," Lloyd said, stepping past Stephan to embrace his childhood friend. Lloyd was a foot taller than Jack and Stephan both, but one would think Jack the same height with the way he treated the wolf.

Jack punched Lloyd's chest affectionately before he said, "Good to see you again. Enjoy the tour?"

"Missed my own bed for most of it," Lloyd said, bushy dark grey tail wagging. The top of the tail was mottled white, the white fur running up the wolf's back to his head and ears. It was some sort of strange genetic mix-up that left the underside of the wolf's coat darker than his back. Stephan thought it was, frankly, a stunning little thing that had made Lloyd easy to pick out of any crowd.

"It was good, still, glad to be home, though," Lloyd said. The wolf worked as a sound engineer, and had spent the last few months on a tour for an "up and coming indie band." Stephan did not know much more beyond that--Lory had been very insistent Stephan shouldn't listen to any of the band's music. "How have things been here?"

"Come have a seat and I'll catch you up. Stephan, go pack your bag will you?"

"My bag's already packed--"

"Then double check everything," Jack said.

Acutely aware his father would be talking about him, Stephan rushed, head down, back into his room.

***

They were on the road an hour later. Aside from a bag of clothes, Stephan didn't bring anything else with him. Lloyd had more than enough camping gear: mess kits, an extra sleeping bag, a tent for four people, and all the odds and ends--lighters, pocket knives, food, camping stove, etc. When they got on the road proper, Lloyd said, "You want to hear the album of the band I went on the road with?"

"Sure thing," Stephan said.

Lloyd gave him a conspiratorial wink. "Just promise not to tell your parents. They would never approve."

Lloyd turned on his CD player and after a few mechanical clicks from the old stereo, music started to play. Stephan's entire life had basically been church music and the rare incidences when he might get to listen to something in secret with a friend or in public. So he had no reference to place the guitar that plucked into a squelching, galloping beat. Then the singer and the drums came in, and Stephan realized why his parents disapproved. It was a man's voice, distinctly that, but feminine, his voice a little girly and... he was singing about pining, lying on the floor, thinking about someone, and then, "I cross out his name on the page." Stephan gasped. He glanced at Lloyd who, intentionally, was bouncing his head to the music, watching the road and tapping on the steering wheel with the beat.

"Is this..." Stephan struggled to figure out what he wanted to ask, "Is he singing about a boy?"

"Yep, band's called Perfume Genius."

"I just want him in my arms..."

The line hit Stephan in the gut and made him slump backwards in his chair.

"What do you think?"

"I, um, I..."

Lloyd sighed and turned the stereo off. "Not your thing, huh?"

"No, it's not that," Stephan blurted. Then blushed and looked out his window. "I just... it's different. I like it, but, I didn't even know people sung about stuff like that."

Lloyd chuckled. "It's a song about having a crush on someone. One of the most common things folks write songs about."

"Oh, I mean..."

"You mean the fact the singer is gay?"

Stephan flinched. He grabbed his wiry tail and squeezed up and down it to keep from freaking out. "My parents... they would get really mad if they knew you shared this with me," Stephan muttered.

Lloyd asked, "And what about you? Are you mad at me, Steph?"

"Of course not!" Embarrassed again by his outburst, he added, "I... it just scares me. I don't want them to get mad at me."

Eyes still on the road, Lloyd rested a paw on Stephan's thigh. "You're safe, Steph. If word got out, I'd take the blame for you. But no one's going to find out long as we keep this between us, alright?"

Lloyd's paw was heavy and warm. Stephan felt the impulse to hold it--wanted to hold it. Blushing, he glanced sidelong at Lloyd just as the wolf spared him a glance. Soon as their eyes met, Stephan quickly went back to looking out the window, palms sweating again.

Lloyd cleared his throat and changed the subject, "Your dad tells me you've been down in the dumps lately."

"Yeah..."

"Some girl who rejected you?" Lloyd added.

_Just tell him. He will understand..._but when Stephan played that conversation over in his head... he couldn't do it. So he said, "Yeah."

"Mmm, don't want to share any details, I see."

"There's not much to say."

Lloyd sighed. "I get that... You know, keep this between you and me, but when I was your age I had this massive crush on someone. And when I got turned down, I took it way harder than any other break up or rejection since."

Stephan gave Lloyd a curious look. "Were you able to get over it?"

"Eventually, yeah," Lloyd said. "I accepted it and then a year later I found someone more important to me than some silly old crush could ever be."

Stephan studied Lloyd for a moment. They had never talked about relationships before, and Stephan sort of assumed Lloyd remained perpetually single. Stephan asked, "Who?"

Lloyd beamed at Stephan and said, "You, silly."

Stephan wanted to die. He wanted to unbuckle his seatbelt and leap out of the car so he did not need to respond to that corny line. Did Lloyd know? How could he? The rat was too flustered to speak, he fumbled for more than ums and uhs. Lloyd responded with barking laughter that left Stephan a little angry, at least.

He managed to pout and say, "You're the worst."

Lloyd reached over and tussled his hair again. "You know love me."

Stephan did know that for certain. And that knowledge is what had been eating its way through him for the last few months.

***

During the spring and summer, Lloyd always took Stephan camping. At one point, Stephan had been in the Boy Scouts, but stopped when Lloyd suddenly stopped participating in his local troop. Still, the two of them went camping, Lloyd having fostered a love for the outdoors Stephan's whole life. They had a local spot at a state park. They parked their car at the front of the park, then trekked out with their gear to an old, run down quarry reclaimed by the forest decades ago. It was this massive pit of uncovered, grey stone, littered with broken glass of past campers, scorch marks of fires, the old remains of rotten buildings, and trees everywhere stone didn't touch.

It took two hours of hiking to get there. The quarry was empty, and the sun was falling into late afternoon. Lloyd slipped off his bag in a mossy patch at the quarry's edge, sighing. "Home sweet home."

"I like what you've done with the place," Stephan said. Down in the quarry, someone had erected some kind of wooden cross with a toilet lid hanging off it.

"Weird. Wonder what they were doing."

"Setting up a bathroom?" Stephan suggested.

Lloyd snickered. "Don't know where I'm supposed to sit if that's the case."

"Maybe you just go next to it and Jesus whisks it away."

"Hah! Don't let your dad hear you say that," Lloyd barked. "And don't leave a turd in the middle of the quarry, either."

Stephan grinned. "How will you know when it disappears soon as I finish?"

"Shut up and help me get this tent set up," Lloyd growled playfully.

Stephan always felt lighter around Lloyd. If there was one person who understood him, just got Stephan, it was Lloyd. While his parents both worked, Lloyd watched and practically raised Stephan till he started going to school. And he remained incredibly close to his godfather afterwards. Both of Stephan's parents were sort of estranged from their families, so Lloyd was the closest thing Stephan had to a relative.

Unfortunately for Stephan, Lloyd understood him better than anyone else.

After getting the camp set up, Stephan had begun to get flustered again and made some lame excuse to wander off. He circled around the lip of the quarry, climbing up to a particularly high up perch to sit and take in the scenery. Hawks nested up there, and the drop was a good three stories to the bottom of the quarry. He sat, legs dangling against the cliff and taking in the rolling hills all around them. Trees just went for miles till they cut off in the distance for some rural farms that faded into the horizon.

Stephan meant to cool his heels up there, but he only got five minutes alone before he heard Lloyd call, "Figured you'd be up here."

Stephan listened to boots scuff rock for a moment as Lloyd climbed up to him. Soon enough, Lloyd sat down beside him. He said, "You been on and off with me all day."

"What do you mean?" Stephan asked.

"You keep going from being your old self, happy and whatnot, then you'll do a 18o and start brooding till your back to normal again."

Stephan gripped the edge of the rock. "Yeah..."

He nearly started when Lloyd's paw rubbed between his shoulder-blades. "That girl you have a crush on still getting to you?"

"Y-yeah."

"It's alright. No girls this weekend okay? Just the woods, the quarry, the Jesus toilet, and us boys."

Stephan meant to hold it in, but it just came out. "But that's the problem."

Lloyd went stiff. "Excuse me?"

Stephan scrabbled to his feet, "Forget about it, it's nothing--"

Lloyd grabbed his hand, "Wait a minute, Steph."

The rat tried to tug his hand away, but Lloyd's grip was firm and tight. "Hey, let go."

"Steph, wait," Lloyd said again, gently but firmly. "You're not in trouble, you don't even need to say anything. I just... I want to share something with you alright? Sit down with me, please."

Struggling not to cry again, Stephan listened. Lloyd scooted around, back to the cliff. Both males had their legs crossed, and Lloyd, in his red and black flannel, looked stunning in the afternoon light with that view behind him. A gentle breeze with the smell of pine on it shook through the trees. Stephan blushed, a little short of breath, as Lloyd gave him a soft smile.

"Once, there were these two boys, you see," Lloyd said, nearly at a whisper, "They were thick as thieves. And one day, when they were older, the younger one confessed he was crazy about the older boy. In love with him, had it bad. But the older boy turned him down. He wasn't into guys, you know? And shortly after he hooked up with this girl, and it completely crushed the younger boy. But he still loved the older boy and wanted to be his friend, and then the older boy had a son, and even though it wasn't his kid..."

"Stop, stop," Stephan's voice was a little shaky, "L-Lloyd... what are you saying?"

Lloyd's lips seemed to move out of time, slower than the matter-of-fact words that came out: "That person I told you I had a crush on earlier? It was your dad."

Stephan felt like a trapdoor opened in his gut. His jaw hung open, lip quivering. Quietly, "You're... you're gay."

"Bisexual," Lloyd corrected with a wry smile.

"How... how..."

Lloyd leaned in and took one of Stephan's hands. The rat sucked in a breath, but Lloyd tenderly said, "You remember that real bad car accident your dad and mom got into when you were seven? You spent the month living with me?" Stephan could only nod. "Well, after that, they started going to church. Got really into God after they nearly died. You were too young to really know what was going on, all you knew is all three of you started going to church. Then afterwards, your dad finally passed his GED and boom, everything started falling into place for your family. They were sure God was looking out for them at that point, but they also got more conservative cause of it. They used to be fine with me, but they made me swear to keep my sexuality a secret from you, told me if I ever told you they would make sure I would never see you again."

Stephan felt sick, but Lloyd only offered him a soft smile.

Lloyd said, "That crush of yours, it's not on a girl, is it?"

Stephan's eyes watered a little. "I'm so scared, Lloyd."

Lloyd leaned closer, face only a few inches from Stephan's. He whispered, "There's nothing to be scared of... It's perfectly normal to like another boy."

Stephan couldn't take it anymore. He lunged into Lloyd's arms, crying again. This time his tears were torrential but felt good to release. Lloyd rubbed a paw up and down Stephan's spine. He whispered, "That's it, let it out. You're safe. You've got nothing to fear here with me."

Stephan sobbed and moaned and cried. He blubbered, "I wish you were my dad..."

Lloyd hugged Stephan tight. "Don't say that. Your dad loves you... he's just... misguided. I'm just grateful to be in your life, Stephan. My crush on your father, boyfriends I've dated, all those things have come and gone. But I've loved you from the first moment I held you, and I always will, no matter what your parents or anyone else thinks of you. There's nothing you could be or do to scare me away."

"Lloyd..." Stephan said his godfather's name like a keening whine. He looked up to see the wolf's muzzle smiling down at him. Feverishly, clumsily, Stephan kissed him.

The wolf gasped and shoved Stephan back.

"What are you doing?" Lloyd snapped, trembling a little.

"I just... I thought..."

"Steph...I'm the one you have a crush on?"

"It's not a crush!" Stephan protested, tears still leaking from his eyes. "I love you--I--fuck I need to leave. I want to go home."

Stephan got up and raced down the cliff, Lloyd calling after him.

***

Lloyd hesitated to chase after Stephan. His head was spinning too much to just leap into the next confrontation with the boy. He stared in the space Stephan had been sitting. He brought a finger up to his lips and touched the spot where his lip stung. Stephan had banged his big front teeth into Lloyd's lip. He sighed. What the fuck did he do?

What the fuck was the right thing to do?

Groaning, Lloyd got up. He knew one thing for certain: Teenage boys were beyond stupid. He knew from experience. If he didn't go after Stephan the rat was liable to hurt himself somehow. Lloyd climbed back down and walked quickly back to camp. The tent had been left hanging open, and it only took a glance inside for Lloyd to find Stephan's bag missing. Cursing, Lloyd started jogging back down the trail they came from.

It only took him a few minutes to overtake Stephan.

The rat, in his baggy jeans, stomped down the trail with his bag slung over single shoulder. "You're going to be walking for a long time if you try to go home that way."

"Leave me alone!" Stephan snapped.

The cracked pain in his voice stopped Lloyd in his tracks. Tail tucked down, Lloyd pursed his lips and kept following the boy. "We need to talk about this, Stephan, please."

"What is there to talk about? I'm just a stupid idiot and--"

"Stop that," Lloyd said. He grabbed the rat by the arm. "I won't let you talk about yourself like that."

Stephan wheeled on him and shouted, "What do you know!? You're supposed to be gay or bisexual or whatever? Why couldn't you tell I was? Why couldn't you warn me?"

"Stephan..." Lloyd struggled for words, "I... it scared me to think of you with a sexuality at all."

"Oh so I'm supposed to just be some perma-kid for you to--"

Lloyd grabbed the boy by the shoulders and shook him. "It scares me because I'm attracted to you, too." Saying it made both of them go silent. For a moment, the only sounds were bird calls in the distance and trees rustling in the wind.

"You... you what?"

Lloyd's ears folded backwards and he let Stephan go. "I was attracted to your father, and you're basically the same as him... just with glasses and those eyes. I think you've been cute for a few years now, but Stephan..." Lloyd shook his head, "I'm thirty-three and you're seventeen. Even if everything we did was consensual, everyone would think I groomed you. I can't... we can't be together."

Stephan stared at him, quiet. Before he asked, "Then what do we do?"

Lloyd gestured behind him. "We go back to the quarry and try to figure things out."

As they started walking back together in silence, Lloyd couldn't help to ask, "How long have you been attracted to... you know..."

"Like a month before you went on tour. I had this feeling, but I just ignored it. Then you were gone and I kept having... dreams about you... I was actually in denial about for a while. Just depressed and doing nothing, then I heard some boys at school talking about me, speculating on whether I was gay or not because I never seemed interested in talking to girls and stuff."

"And it hit you like a train."

"Yeah..."

Lloyd reached down and held Stephan's paw as they walked. It would be fine, the wolf told himself. Right now this boy needs affection more than anything. "The same sort of thing happened to me. It's funny, for a lot of us it's that way. We don't even notice till someone points it out to us."

"Us?"

"Queers."

"Am I... queer?" Stephan asked while looking down at himself.

"I mean, you tick all the boxes."

"Yeah but, I'm nothing like any of the gay kids at my school, or the people I've seen in public."

"There are a lot of ways to be queer, Steph," Lloyd told him gently as they reached the campsite. "You didn't even know I was till I told you."

"I guess..." Stephan said, "Can we keep walking? I think... I don't want to be still right now."

"Sure thing, Steph, drop your bag and we'll grab our water bottles and wander around a bit."

Once they carried only their water bottles, they both began down a familiar, circuitous track that circled around the quarry. Lloyd let them both walk in silence, wandering what exactly the two of them were supposed to do now. Five minutes passed before Stephan asked, "Can we hold hands again?"

"Sure thing." Lloyd offered his paw, and Stephan took it.

"I've not held hands with someone since I was a kid."

"Yeah... I remember." Lloyd felt strange talking about those days.

Stephan picked up on it. "Sorry, that's probably weird of you to think about."

Lloyd shook his head. "I wasn't attracted to you when you were kid, it's fine honestly."

"And I wasn't attracted to you until..."

Lloyd threw his head back in a dramatic sigh. "Wow, life sure is complicated, huh?"

Stephan gave him a look.

"What?"

"Are you... embarrassed?"

Lloyd scowled at him. "Don't think so highly of yourself."

"You were. I can see you blushing on your ears." Lloyd's cloudy white ears folded back on reflex.

"We can't control who we're attracted to," Lloyd said through grit teeth.

Stephan squeezed his paw. "It makes me really happy you are, you know." Said so bashfully Lloyd wanted to grab the boy by his cheeks and show him a proper kiss. God doing the right thing sucked.

"I'm flattered, too. But are you sure there's no one else?"

"Just you," Stephan said matter-of-factly before returning, "What about you?"

"I hooked up with a few furs while on tour, but... I've been in a bit of a dry spell for the last year."

"How come?"

"Just, no one who really caught my attention."

"What about me?"

Lloyd growled. "You're about to lose hand holding privileges."

"Noooo," Stephan whined and hugged Lloyd's arm tight.

"Steph..."

They stopped and Stephan gave the wolf a pleading look. "No one is around for miles. Please Lloyd, can't we have this?"

Lloyd couldn't say not to that face. He wrapped his arm around his godson's waist, heart thumping a little while Steph leaned against him. They walked a little slower, a little more leisurely.

"This weekend. We can do this for this weekend," Lloyd said, whole body a tense balance between lust, affection, and fear.

"How much can we do?"

Lloyd grimaced. "I don't know..."

"Lloyd... I've never kissed anyone like that before today."

"Jesus fucking Christ kid, you serious?" Lloyd very intentionally kept walking. He worried if they stopped he would throttle the boy.

"Yes, I... I wanted you to be my first..." Stephan said before he took a deep breath and said, "And I want you to take--"

"No," Lloyd breathed.

Stephan stepped in front of Lloyd and stood the bigger wolf down. "Why not?"

"Steph," Lloyd threw his hands up in exasperation, "What do you mean why not?"

"I want you to show me, Lloyd. Teach me."

"You'll figure it out," Lloyd growled. "Every fucking boy does."

"Lloyd, please... I'm scared..."

Lloyd's anger softened. "What do you mean?"

"It-It would be risky with anyone else. What if I do something wrong, or what if the person ends up threatening to tell my parents so I do what they say? I... Lloyd I trust you more than anyone and..." Stephan stiffened his jaw and stamped his foot. "It should be you. No one else will do."

"Steph... what the hell."

"Why_can't_ we?"

"Because I'm afraid one time won't be enough," Lloyd said. "Because if I finally have you, fuck, I don't know if I'll be able to let you go, Steph. You..." Lloyd pulled himself together and turned his back on Stephan. "You deserve to live a normal life."

Lloyd's paws bunched into fist. Saying it made him feel worse than ever about wanting the boy, but it was true. Stephan needed someone his age--he deserved a chance at going through this stuff like--

Stephan hugged the wolf from behind, long, thin fingers clasping together at Lloyd's waist. Stephan's voice came muffled in Lloyd's back, "You are my normal, Lloyd... I don't... the world only makes sense when you're in it."

Dammit. Fuck. Shit fuck shit dammit god-dammit shit fuck. I'm going to lose this argument. He had already lost this argument. Paws trembling a little, he gently took Stephan's hands to his lips and kissed them. Then, he turned around and studied the teary-eyed boy. Lloyd caressed his cheek and leaned in.

Stephan's eyes went wide as their lips met, a soft push, a light movement of the jaw and the rat's mouth opened. And Lloyd was tasting the boy's mouth. His bigger, broader canine tongue taking in the sweet taste of Stephan. The boy moaned and threw his arms arounds Lloyd's neck. He kissed too frantically, too fast. Lloyd broke the kiss to growl, "Slow down, follow my lead..." Their lips met again. This time Stephan did not just open and shut his mouth like some gasping fish, but worked his lips in tandem with Lloyd's. They were a push and pull. Lloyd's tongue teasing in and out Stephan's mouth till the boy got the invitation and tasted the older male. Their faces shifted slightly, every once in a while to kiss at a new angle. To search for more pleasure from the other's lips. Each exchange of tongue and saliva getting more heated. Lloyd practically panted through his nose. His sheath throbbed and stirred. His claws extended to tease down the rat's back. He couldn't remember the last time a kiss felt this good.

Eventually, Stephan started forgetting to breathe, and he needed to release the shuddering rat. Stephan gasped, breathless.

Lloyd giggled and rubbed his nose against the boy's. "Remember to use this, silly."

"F-fuck... that was... is kissing always like this?"

"No, but," Lloyd made sure Stephan saw his loving look, "this was a really special kiss."

Stephan nodded a little dumbly.

"And_this_ is your first kiss. I'm not gonna let that stunt where you knocked your teeth into mine count."

"I just hope it's not my last."

"Heh, come here," and Stephan let Lloyd lead him back to bliss.

***

They did not do anything right away. Lloyd told Stephan when the rat got a little too handsy, "We should go to a pharmacy and get some things. If I'm going to teach you how to fuck we're going to do it responsibly, dammit."

So they walked back to the car, then drove to a pharmacy a few miles out from the park. Lloyd had Stephan stay inside, warning about the looks they would get if seen buying condoms and lube together. Then they got burgers at a fast-food stop on the way back. They ate in the car at the park parking lot before walking back to their campsite in the dark, flashlights and supplies in tow. When they got back, Lloyd breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank fuck, no one's here."

"Were you worried?"

"Yeah, thought toilet Jesus was going to show up."

"Hehe, he cometh to bring the good word about wiping."

They both got a laugh out of that, slinging their things inside Lloyd's tent. "Seriously, though, let's pray whatever drunk teenagers put that up don't come back to party again tonight." He flashed his flashlight down the path they came from. "I don't want anyone here tonight but us."

"Yeah... me too."

"Heh," Lloyd reached for Stephan, but instead of tussling the rat's hair, he pulled him into a quick kiss. Lloyd ducked into the tent and shined the light on Stephan when he didn't follow. "You coming?"

"I'm nervous."

"I promise nothing will feel bad, I won't push anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"I know..." Stephan glanced out into the dark pit that was the quarry now. Crickets filled the silence before he said, "I trust you, Lloyd, I do. I'm scared what happens after tonight. I was thinking about it, and what happens after this?"

"Oh, Steph," the wolf left the light in the tent and joined Steph outside in the dark. His eyes shined in the night as he took Stephan's hands in his paws again. "After this, I stay with you, no matter what. I swear I will keep you safe."

Stephan leaned into the broader, bigger wolf. A day out in the sun, trekking around had only made the wolf smell better for the rat. He whispered, "I love you, Lloyd."

Lloyd's arms wrapped around him, paws resting at the small of the rats back. "And I love you, Steph."

They stood like that, inside that exchange. Soaking it in like the night soaked up the cricket song. It meant something completely different to them both to say that now. It promised something completely different.

Eventually, Lloyd stroked behind his round ear. "You ready?"

"Yes."

Lloyd led Stephan back into the tent. They made a bedding out of their foam sleeping pads and sleeping bags. Everything else got pushed to one side. Lloyd flicked on a lantern and turned off his flashlight before zipping shut the tent door. He turned on Stephan and asked, "So, where do you want to start?"

"Uh, what do you mean?"

"Well, what did you imagine the two of us doing?"

"I, um..." Stephan got bashful again. He scratched the back of his head, blushing, and admitted, "My fantasies were mostly just, kissing and cuddling naked."

Lloyd face-palmed. His finger's cracked so a single eye could look at the flustered teenager. The wolf chuckled and shook his head, "You sweet, naïve boy."

"Hey! I know what sex is! I know what gay guys do."

"Do you?"

"Yeah! T-they, uh," Stephan hesitated when he saw Lloyd smirking at him. "They stick it in each other's butts?"

Lloyd had the good graces to clap a paw over his muzzle to keep in his barking laugh.

Stephan scowled at him. "What!? That's why you got condoms and lube, isn't it?"

Grinning, Lloyd said, "It's just... oh boy, so when you masturbated you had these chaste fantasies about us cuddling naked?"

"I..." Stephan huffed, "I usually got so excited I finished by the time we started kissing... and then once I got it out of my system I was always too mortified to think any more about it."

"Oh... geeze really put my foot in my mouth, huh?"

Stephan gave the wolf a sidelong look. "Yeah."

"How about I make it up to you by taking off my clothes, huh?"

The rat's little tail shot out straight and he squeaked. "A-already?"

"Hehehe, of course," Lloyd said as he started unbuttoning his shirt. "You pictured me naked right?"

"Ye-yeah..."

"Relax," the wolf soothed, the final button of his shirt coming undone. His grey coat went to a completely black stripe of fur that went from his collarbone down into his pants. Lloyd had a firm, lean build of someone who took pride in staying in shape. Flat abs, slight pecs, those broad, broad shoulders coming bare as Lloyd pulled his arms free of his sleeves. Stephan held his breath, noting how thick that dark stripe of fur got just beneath Lloyd's clavicle. "There," the wolf said, "Doing okay?"

Stephan crawled towards him, a little entranced. Lloyd beckoned him forward, and suddenly Stephan was burying his nose in that pitch black fur. He took a deep breath of the wolf's scent and moaned. Dusty, sweaty, deeply masculine. He nuzzled into it, buried his nose deep as he could. As if he might wake from a dream, Stephan's trembling hands first prodded the wolf's firm belly, before he was rubbing all through the wolf's soft coat. He felt so good, so inviting and warm. Firm muscle beneath tender flesh flexed under his touch.

"That's it," Lloyd encouraged. "Take your time. We have all night to explore." Blindly, Stephan kissed the wolf's chest. Lloyd used a paw to guide the rat's muzzle down and to the left. A bud, a soft nipple. Lloyd sucked in a breath when Stephan kissed it. The muscles of his belly went stiff. He liked it. Stephan wanted to draw more reactions like that from him. The rat sucked eagerly on the pec. Lloyd pushed his chest out, tail _pat-pat-patting_against the tent floor. The rat's hands grew bolder. They groped down, squeezed against denim, against the bulge of something that made the wolf huff.

His fingers started to fumble with the jean's button, but Lloyd held him back. "Wait," the wolf ordered. "I want to see you naked. Now."

"N-now?"

Lloyd nodded. "Just trust me, Steph."

Blushing madly, Steph took off his glasses and set them carefully in a corner of the tent. He got his hoodie off and hugged his arms around himself. "I-I'm not much to look at." He was scrawny and not in some flattering way that made him feminine. He was all boy, for better or worse.

"Steph," the wolf took the rat's arms and gently opened them. "You're beautiful." Exposed, his long torso revealed a soft white coat with a brown splotch that went down his left shoulder and to the bottom of his ribs. A black spot on the other side of him started just below his abdomen and stretched across right thigh.

"You-you mean it?" Stephan asked, blushing again.

"Of course, now take off your pants. Let's see the rest of you."

Shaking a little, Stephan took off the dark denim jeans he wore, boxers and all. When he did, Lloyd just gawked. The wolf quietly whispered, "Oh."

The rat quickly sat on his knees, closed his legs and put his hands over his crotch. "Oh? Something is wrong, isn't it."

Lloyd, stunned, shook his head. "No, Stephan, you're, uh, big. Real big."

Mortified, Stephan asked, "I am?"

Lloyd laughed a little. "Wait, are you embarrassed?"

"I-I didn't know!" Stephan whined. "My parents only got me baggy pants cause they said they protected my modesty, I had no idea that..." Stephan looked down at his half hard dick. The thick, uncut shaft already rested at seven inches. On a rail-thin teenage boy who was only five-six, it looked absolutely massive. His balls were just as big. He had never seen another guy's dick before so he hadn't a clue...

"Last girl I dated was almost big as you."

"Girls have dicks?" Stephan squeaked.

"Hahaha, some girls do. Those girls are how I realized I was bi," Lloyd said with a little smirk. "We can talk about the ins and outs of that later, though. Is it okay if I touch you there?"

Unable to speak around the lump in his throat, Stephan nodded.

"Lie back for me, alright?"

Stephan lied back into the bedding, shivering a little in anticipation. Lloyd crawled over him, soon eclipsing the rat with his size. He smiled down at Stephan and kissed him, then whispered, "Just focus on breathing and staying comfortable. If you want me to stop, hit the ground three times or just yell stop, alright?"

"Uh huh."

"Ready?"

"Y-yes."

"Good," Lloyd whispered. He kissed Stephan deeply again. Like their first kiss. Passion played across their lips and the wolf's tongue filled Stephan's mouth. It was big and warm and firm. The soft muscle made his dick throb, and it started stirring more and more to life. He wanted to touch himself and just cum to Lloyd kissing him, but he stayed relaxed as he could. Breathe in--the smell of Lloyd all through the tent. And something else now, Stephan's arousal becoming sharper and stronger.

Lloyd broke the kiss and whispered, "I've waited so long to do this to you," and nipped Stephan's ear. The rat gasped. Those sharp teeth teased over his tender, velvety flesh before a tongue licked down inside it. Warm, wet pressure became a lance of feeling down his side. He bucked and moaned while at the same time pushing Lloyd away.

Laughing, the wolf asked, "Too much?"

"What--what was..."

"Furs got sensitive spots all over their body," Lloyd answered with a husky growl. "I'm going to show you all kinds of place by the end of this weekend."

Stephan's cock leaked a little at that. The shaft was fully hard now. His leaking tip rested just above his navel. The rat gasped when Lloyd leaned back in, but the wolf's muzzle just kissed the side of his head. That mouth teased down, till it reached Stephan's throat. Lloyd nipped him there, a little sharper this time, and Stephan's back arched. He moaned, those nips traveled across the base of his throat. Till Lloyd reached Stephan's clavicle. The bone, compared to the wolf's jaws, was so fine and delicate Lloyd might snap it in his teeth. Instead the wolf kissed hard there, sucking on the flesh to create a sharp suction that made the boy's hips roll forward uselessly. It felt strange, nearly painful, but also good.

Stephan kissed down his chest, and his descent grew faster and faster till it reached the boy's stomach. Lloyd's cold nose pushed against the rat's cock tip. He inhaled, loudly. Stephan whined a little feeling the warm air pass down his shaft. "F-fuck you smell so good, Steph," the wolf growled.

Embarrassed, Stephan asked, "I-I do?" He had always been made to be ashamed of that smell.

"Yes," the wolf snarled. "This sort of thing can make me feral."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see," the wolf promised. He kissed down Stephan's stomach, whiskers tickling the pale cock till he reached those massive nuts. Lloyd nuzzled right into them, making Stephan bite his lip. Then that thick, strong tongue dragged across the flesh and Stephan moaned. Embarrassed, he turned his head and bunched up some of a sleeping bag to muffle his sounds.

Lloyd was getting a little dumb on the boy's scent. He had forgotten that teenagers smelled different. And one smell wasn't necessarily better than the other, but the Stephan's musk was strong and ripe. It played havoc on Lloyd's strong, canine nose. Made it hard for the wolf to think beyond cock cock cock as he licked and worshipped the seventeen-year-old's balls. The fucking kid was bigger than Lloyd was, and Lloyd was not exactly a modest size himself. He couldn't believe he almost refused this. These heavy nuts that tasted of musk and boy-sweat. Sharp in his tongue and nose. Lloyd's cock pushed against his denim and left a patch of wet as he licked more and more. He needed to resist the urge to take off his pants and paw off while his face remained buried in these fat nuts.

It became too much. His balls felt so good, but Stephan needed more. He looked down and asked, "Can-can I touch myself?"

"No," Lloyd snarled. He realized immediately he scared the boy and added, "I'll--let me take care of you. It will feel better."

"Al-alright."

Lloyd kissed those nuts one more time before he kissed the base of the boy's meaty dick. He pushed his broad, canid tongue against its underside and dragged it up the length of the shaft. Stephan's hips twitched and jerked in cute, needy motions. When he reached the head of the dick, Lloyd kissed it. He pushed his lips down around it and moaned. Lloyd needed this just as badly as Stephan did. He lost count of how many times he imagined having the boy like this. Cock twitching in his mouth as he licked and sucked. The taste of the rat's dick was strong and sharp. Precum flooded inside Lloyd's muzzle while Stephan breathlessly cursed. Lloyd, body buzzing a little from the pleasure of servicing his boy, began to bob his head. The foreskin pulled back and the fat urethra nudged along the roof of his muzzle. For a moment, Lloyd just serviced the tip, teasing and tantalizing his boy until the rat was groaning. When Lloyd swallowed deeper, he felt that shaft pulse and twitch inside his mouth. The head teased the entrance of Lloyd's throat, the wolf working himself up to deep-throating but before he could Stephan whimpered, "Lloyd I'm!--"

Cum flooded Lloyd's mouth in a fount. It was thick and potent and overwhelmed the wolf. He tried to swallow but those first few spurts of teenage spunk backed up his sinuses and drooled out his cheeks. His eyes watered, white ears practically glowing red as he sucked hungrily on that dick. Stephan whimpered and groaned and eventually pulled his shaft from the hungry wolf.

Lloyd was a mess. His face and neck and chest were smeared in smatterings of Stephan's cum and the boy could tell his godfather remained a little out of it. He said, panting, "Sorry, that was just... a lot at once."

Lloyd did not answer. He lurched forward and pushed his lips to Stephan's. Lloyd's tongue pushed cum, thick and salty into Stephan's mouth. The lewd act made the boy squirm, but he held Lloyd to him. He groaned and whined, trying to fight back against that tongue as Lloyd gave him his first taste of cum. The longer they kissed the more Stephan liked it. Eventually the two kissed passionately as ever.

Lloyd broke the kiss, panting. "F-fuck. That--" he took a deep breath, "that right there was snowballing."

"What was what?"

"Me kissing you with cum in my mouth."

"Oh..." Stephan looked up at the ceiling of the tent, where the shadows of moths played against the canvas. It stunk of his cum in here now, but for once, Stephan wasn't deeply embarrassed. He said, "I liked it, a lot."

"Heh, that's my boy," Lloyd said. He pecked the rat's cheek, then noted, "You're still hard."

Stephan gasped when a paw grasped his shaft. "Yes..."

"Ready for more?"

"Please." Lloyd got off him and started taking off his jeans. Stephan's eyes popped when the wolf's dark red, lupine cock came free. Its spade tip drooled precum down the length of the shaft. It was just as thick around as Stephan's cock, but not quite as long. And it smelled totally different. Not quite as sharp, but still heady and strong. That black stripe surrounded his sheath and a set of balls big enough Stephan might need two hands to heft one.

Lloyd pumped his shaft with a paw and asked, "Like what you see?" His tail wagged a little behind him.

Stephan's mouth opened and closed a moment. Then he asked, "Are you going to fuck me with that?"

"Hah, not tonight kid. You're going to fuck me."

"I am?" Stephan asked, horrified. "But-but what if I'm not good at it?"

"You'll be fine. Aren't you wondering why I spent so much time in the latrine after we got back here?"

"Um, you really had to go?"

"I was cleaning myself, Steph."

"Cleaning?"

"Yeah, butts take work. I'll show you later, but you'll be the one doing the topping tonight."

"Oh-okay," Stephan said.

"Switch places with me."

They shuffled around and soon Lloyd lied on his back. The big wolf reached the for the bottle of lube they bought and squirted some on his paws before handing it to Stephan. "Coat your dick in that." Stephan, clumsily did as he was told, getting his dick wet and slick. He was so busy, he forgot about Lloyd until the wolf asked, "You ready?"

Lloyd had spread his legs and pulled his knees to his shoulders, revealing the wolf's round ass. The dark flesh of his rim was slick with lube in the lantern light. Stephan just stared at it, dumbly, while the entrance winked and flexed.

"Well?"

Stephan nodded.

"Alright, come up to me, get comfortable and just guide it in slowly."

Stephan did as he was told. He approached the wolf's rear, heart racing. Lloyd watched him patiently, and Stephan did his best to position his cock. He felt tender flesh and began to push. "Wait," Lloyd grunted and reached down. He nudged Stephan's tip down just a bit and said, "There." Stephan pushed against the firm flesh, then hesitated.

"It-it's not going in."

"It will, just keep pushing," Lloyd instructed patiently. Stephan smiled at the older wolf and did as he was told. He applied more and more pressure, worried he was on the wrong spot or something--

Then that slick entrance yielded, and both males groaned. Lloyd was hot and soft. That tunnel made the rat whimper. He pushed, and Lloyd grit his teeth. "Easy there," the wolf implored. "Take your time, big guy." Panting, Stephan nodded and tried to concentrate on following directions. Lloyd felt both tight but easy to push into. His walls wrapped and squeezed every part of Stephan in a way nothing ever had before, and it made the rat a little ragged. He couldn't believe it felt _this_good. He leaned forward, inching his cock inside till his massive nuts rubbed against Lloyd's. His cock was buried in that tight warmth, and he groaned and fell against the wolf.

Panting against Lloyd's hairy chest, the rat whined and humped blindly into the older wolf. It was so much sensation... if he had not cummed before he would be cumming already at this point.

Lloyd's cock also was closer to the edge than it usually was. The boy's humping rubbed his flat belly all along the underside of Lloyd's shaft and smeared the rat's fine coat in lupine precum. And he was so fucking big. It had been years since Lloyd felt this full. He struggled to breathe as that dick reached deep enough inside him to nearly knock the wind out of him. His prostate had been flattened, and the boy's frantic humping was both adorable and sexy, even if it did little in the present moment. Lloyd stroked his back again, holding his boy to him. Gently, he whispered, "You, ah, alright?"

"It's so much, L-Lloyd..."

"Fuck me, Steph."

"If I move I might cum."

"I don't care, do it, please," Lloyd nearly begged.

Whimpering, Stephan did. His dick pulled halfway out before he shoved back in. Lloyd arched his back and moaned, "Yes!" Stephan gasped and pumped his hips again and Lloyd growled, "That's it boy, fuck me!" The rat could not stop whining as he worked his hips faster and faster. Stephan felt like he was in a state of intoxicating pleasure. As if he couldn't stop himself now that he started. He needed Lloyd to milk him dry. Needed to stir up the wolf's insides until he was howling. He felt the warm dick throbbing beneath him squirt a thick rope of pre as Lloyd took just as much pleasure from the boy's fucking.

But Stephan was still a virgin, and in a matter of moments all that pumping turned into a desperate tension in his nuts and cock. But the rat did not want to go alone. Struggling, he pushed himself up while continuing to hump into his godfather, eyes screwed shut in concentration as he reached down.

When those fine, soft little hands reached down and squeezed Lloyd's knot, he howled. He hadn't seen it coming, snarling and drooling into a pillow while his boy fucked him. But then they did, tugging feverishly on Lloyd's knot until his dick leapt against his stomach. When it slapped back a jet of cum shot to Lloyd's jaw. The tent filled with the meatier scent of his spunk and Stephan squeaked and slammed in again, going perfectly still. The boy kept his eyes shut, struggling to breathe while he still yanked and tugged Lloyd's knot. The wolf watched Stephan's abdomen flex before a rush of heat filled him. This load immediately felt as strong as the first. It filled Lloyd more than most loads in his life ever did. The boy panted and groaned and his hips occasionally humped forward. Lloyd reached up and grabbed him, pulling him against the wolf. He hugged the rat tight, legs wrapped around the boy's slim hips.

Speechless, they both held onto each other. Hearing only their labored breaths, feeling their mutual warmth as it spilled in Lloyd and against both their bellies now. Lloyd felt full of heat, dazed and achy in a way he hadn't in years.

Slowly, they both became aware of the crickets still singing outside.

Lloyd kissed the boy's head and asked, "You... you okay?"

"Yes," Stephan breathed. "I think I almost died."

Lloyd laughed and squeezed the boy in his arms. "Well, fortunately, we got toilet Jesus right over there to bring you back if you did."

"That's not how Jesus works..."

Lloyd shrugged. "Sorry, guess I didn't go to church enough."

"Better than going to church too much," Stephan said.

"Amen to that."

***

The rest of the weekend went by much too quickly, but Monday morning, Stephan woke with Lloyd spooning him, and could not remember being happier. As they packed up their tent, Lloyd pointed out, "We'll need to use the shower facilities once we get back into the park proper. I can't take you home with both of us reeking of sex."

Stephan busied himself with collapsing the polls of the tent while Lloyd folded it up. He whined, "But I really like the smell."

Lloyd spared the boy a grin. "You're nasty, and I love it."

Stephan blushed.

Lloyd's tail wagged behind him. He said as he started rolling up the tent, "I know we've not talked about what happens next."

"I want to live with you," Stephan said.

Lloyd stopped, a little stunned. "Stephan..."

"I thought about it, and I know your apartment has the space and I know I would be way happier with you and--"

"Stop," laughing the wolf stood and walked over to him. "Of course you can move in, but I need you to be patient."

Stephan frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You turn eighteen in a few months. Wait until then before you tell your parents anything."

The rat cocked his head.

Lloyd squeezed his shoulders. "We live in a shitty world. And while you're the age of consent and nearly an adult, your dad is a cop and your mom leads the fucking PTA. If they found out about us right now, they would try anything to try and keep us apart. And if you tried to run away with me they might try to accuse me of kidnapping you. Might try to get me thrown in jail."

"You think they would do that?"

Lloyd's ears flattened and he admitted, "I want to trust your father, I do... but he's changed a lot in the last ten years. And you're too important to me to risk your safety by rushing into this."

"I get it."

Lloyd touched his chin. "Hey, look at me?" The rat reluctantly looked up and Lloyd said, "I love you, okay? And I know the next couple months might feel hard, but I promise to make every excuse I can for us to spend time together. Knowing you have to stay there... hiding everything about who you are... it's fucking agony. I think about it and my hackles start rising. But it's just a few months. Then we have the rest of our lives."

Stephan nodded. "You're right. The rest of our lives."

Lloyd hugged him tight, both males feeling the other living, breathing against him. Even that felt like a rebellious act. Silently, Lloyd swore nothing would keep him from holding Stephan like this again.