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Avoiding pig talk was harder than Samel expected. But damn, it was good to. He took Hunter to their favorite pizza joint and it was like nothing had ever changed between them. Samel shared all he could about college, his new friends, some of the antics they'd gotten up to and Hunter filled him in on what a lot of their other friends had been doing.

But all throughout there was this subtle, looming idea that they should talk about Davie that was hard to ignore. Hunter had said some pretty harsh words earlier and Samel was still waiting on that text about Davie's appointment. Still, they did well to stay away from it. Hunter invited Samel back to his place after, where they hung around in the basement and shot the shit while playing a handful of games they'd both loved in their younger years. The distraction worked so well that when Samel's phone buzzed he hardly felt an urge to look.

He was sitting next to Hunter on a couch as he checked his phone, the German shepherd's eyes dropped to the screen. Samel felt no reason to hide it, he even angled his phone so Hunter could see a little easier.

Doc's sending me to a shrink. Says I'm probably a little depressed but doesn't think I'm a skitzo.

Samel's brow furrowed as he stared at the text. Alarms going off in his head.

_Only a little depressed?

Yep. His exact words. Gave me these._

Davie attached a picture of a small pill bottle.

_Happy pills :)

Did you tell him about the voices thing???

Yeah. He reckons we're all a little dark, little messed up by things. Says it's fine enough so long as I'm ignoring them._

That didn't sit easy in Samel's chest. He glanced up at Hunter, who shrugged and said. "Happy to break the no pig talk rule if you need to."

"Does 'a little' seem suss to you?"

"Don't know him that well." Hunter tilted his head. "But know him well enough not to be surprised if he's lying."

"Not that." Samel scowled. "His mood swings so hard sometimes. And he's so critical of himself and carries all this guilt. And he's gone through so much shit."

"I dunno. Stupid and full of regret, sure. Get the sense he is suffering something but I don't think anything more than a little depressed is right." Hunter clicked his tongue.

Samel sighed, thinking carefully over his next message.

Did you mention you might be bipolar?

_Yep. Went through it all. He isn't sure, but that's also what the shrink might help figure out.

Hmmm

Hmmm? What were you expecting?

Nevermind_

"Dude." Hunter slapped Samel on the shoulder. "Not cool."

"Huh?"

"Wrong thing to be cold about." Hunter sighed.

Samel's phone buzzed with another text.

Okay?

"Just tell him what you were thinking."

Words caught in Samel's throat, not fully comprehending his mistake.

_Thought it'd be more than 'a little depressed'

You're the med science student :) you'd know best

Not what I meant

You reckoned I was a skitz, did you want me to really be one?_

"Dude, what the fuck?" Hunter winced. "Do you actually think he might be?"

"Sorta."

"Then you should be so glad he's not." He stared at Samel, perplexed. Samel nodded slowly, discomforted that he'd done something clearly bad enough for Hunter to take Davie's side.

Mental health issues don't get handled very well, that was the first thing I learned about them in college and I've heard so many awful stories. Just worried it'll happen to you

They gave me pills and I'm about to sell my kidney to see a shrink in a few days. Not exactly finished with being handled

Alright, sorry

Not breaking the bank kid but glad I've got some savings for this, and a reminder I'm only doing this because of you. Expected something a little nicer than "are you sure you're not insane?" when telling you that actually things might not be so bad

Sorry.

"I... Samel..." Hunter exhaled heavily. "You know I hate him, right? Like, really, really dislike him. But is this what usually happens when you two talk?"

"No." Samel frowned, a little unsure if he really believed that.

It's cool. Got happy pills, I'll just take them all

Samel glared at his phone's screen. Davie hastily sent another message.

_Bad joke.

You okay?

Yeah, just putting your smug ass in its place. Not actually annoyed, just think you're an idiot

I am

The fuck did you just say about my boyfriend?_

Samel smiled at that, relieved.

"Alright." Hunter snorted. "Big question. How does he put up with you?"

"What do you mean?" Samel scowled, feeling more than just a little attacked by both of them.

"I'm trying to imagine that's me texting my girlfriend and like... Samel what the fuck, whatthefuck." Hunter reached a finger out to scroll up the messages, back to Samel's 'hmmm'. "This is like, the most ambiguous confusing garbage I've ever seen. What did you mean by this? What's he supposed to take from it? You don't think he's lying, and honestly I thought he might be at first but I dunno now, but point is you don't think he's lying, but-" Hunter scrolled down through the messages. "-you're acting like there has to be something wrong with him. Fair point, there probably is, but is that actually what you want him to think you think?"

"No."

"He might be doing the first responsible thing he's ever done in his entire life and you're some bitch of a taskmaster asking why he's not suicidal yet."

"Is that really what it sounds like?" Samel grimaced.

"Not far from it."

His phone buzzed again.

_You good?

Yeah, I'm with Hunter. He's been reading our messages and he's roasting me for what I texted you

Hunter, my best friend, thank you._

Hunter's phone vibrated a moment later. He chuckled as he held it out for Samel to read.

Tell Samel he's gay. Give him a kiss for me.

Samel might've found the humor in it if it wasn't for the last messages Hunter and Davie had sent to each other sitting right there, only a few days old. An unexpected reminder of the hurt Davie had caused.

Look after him you scumsucking piece of shit.

Hunter's only text to Davie. He must've realized too because he locked his phone and quickly put it away.

Feel like a weirdo texting two kids so I'm going to leave you to it. I promise you when I see the shrink I'll beg her to diagnose me with skitzophrenia or however the fuck it's actually spelled

"Do you want me to reply to that for you?" Hunter asked awkwardly. "Not trying to be a jerk about it, just this is pretty heavy stuff and seems like he is actually in a good mood, and no matter how much I dislike him I don't want him to get any worse."

Samel drew in a long breath and gave a weighty sigh. "It's fine." He started typing his response.

I feel EXTRA stupid!!! Want you to know that!!!!! I'm relieved it's not that bad. I hope your happy pills help and I look forward to seeing what a therapist might be able to do for you too. This is good and I'm just an idiot, don't really know how to think about all these things so I'm probably going to say something stupid again but I really am happy

He passed his phone to Hunter to read it. "It's awkward but I'm giving it a pass."

"Should I make it less awkward?"

Hunter hit send. "Awkward's a good look for you right about now." He passed Samel's phone back, frowning. "This is upsetting."

"What?"

"I'm just going to say it." Hunter cleared his throat. "I kinda figured everything between you two was his fault, or something he should hold the blame for but uh... I don't really, like, think that's right. Don't get me wrong Samel, he's still awful, but have you thought about what part you've played in that?"

"Woah." Samel stared at Hunter. That was possibly the last thing he expected to hear. "Um." It didn't seem at all fair based off of one awkward text conversation, and yet it was only hours ago Samel was playing games trying to get into Davie's shorts.

And Davie had been pretty clear with his thoughts on that: "I'm really fucking trying not to fuck this up again. But I can hardly control myself, and I sure as fuck can't control you too."

Not even twenty minutes later Samel jumped on Davie's back and had his cock up the boar's ass moments after.

"Yeah... not great. Think about it for a moment." Hunter gave a taut smile.

"I don't know what to say." Samel grit his teeth. That was a lie. He knew exactly what to say, he just didn't want to say it. His phone buzzed.

Yeah, I know. I'm just fucking with you. You're a good kid.

Doubt cascaded through his mind. "I think it's cool you're starting to have some sympathy for him," Samel said. It wasn't an elegant deflection in the slightest. "Makes me happy actually." He kept it going, hoping it might make it sound a little stronger, a little more meaningful. A little harder to see through. Nerves buzzed down his spine.

"I realize you've never had another boyfriend." Hunter raised his hand defensively. "Not trying to insult you, just saying you mightn't know how to handle some of the harder parts of a relationship. Feel like I've grilled you so much on whether or not he's been good to you that I never thought about the opposite."

Samel was sweating. "You're right. I just... I dunno. I think I'm doing an okay job. I listen to him, I help him, I even made some hard choices." He'd even fucked Davie immediately after the boar opened up about how sick he felt getting close to Samel a day after their break started. "Not sure what else I should consider, I know I could probably do better but at least I haven't done badly, I hope." Because nothing said considerate like taking advantage of your partner's poor impulse control. "Maybe I should ask him. Is that a good idea?" It couldn't be any worse than burdening Davie with the idea that everything so far was his fault, that it should add to the guilt he usually shouldered in silence, right?

"Ah dammit." Hunter sighed. "It is a good idea, but also my only relationship advice for you is to break up with him and find someone a little less 46 years old."

Samel lunged at the opportunity to shift the conversation to anything else. "You know you've made your point clear a bunch of times and it's not happening."

"It's... weird. I felt like I'd be a bad friend if I didn't. Now that's flipped and I feel kind of shitty I keep bringing it up." He pointed at Samel's phone. "Reading all that... I think he's growing on me, just a little. I still think he's a shitty person, but there's something about him. Like yeah he's shitty but... and it's that 'but' I can't really work out. But he's aware he's shitty? But he's trying to change? I don't really know. But there's a but."

Samel gave him a dirty grin. "Yeah there is."

"Aaaand now I think he's just a creep again." Hunter pushed Samel away jokingly, a little frantic to steer the conversation anywhere else as well. The longer they spoke about Davie the closer they'd come to an argument again. "You know... kinda always was waiting for you to get a boyfriend, because I was a little curious about some things and I'm not really able to ask anyone else."

"Uhhhh." Samel laughed nervously. "Curious how?"

"Holy shit." Hunter cackled. "My phrasing's atrocious. Yikes. I meant more like questions, not... things."

"Alright. Questions I can answer."

Hunter glanced around the room, his voice dropped quieter. "Does it hurt?"

"Yep. Pretty bad even, uh, can't say I know what it's like to be with a smaller guy, hell even an average guy, but Davie's, uhhh, blessed. And that took some getting used to." Samel's cheeks burned but there was nobody he trusted more with this sort of thing than Hunter.

"How... blessed we talking here?"

"Ten and a bit."

Hunter coughed, eyes wide. "Right. Jesus. Okay."

Samel laughed.

"And like, it fits?"

"Not well but we make it work."

Hunter giggled. "I was thinking because sometimes fingers go places."

"Do they?" Samel arched his brow.

"Shut up." Hunter smirked. "They do. And it's pretty good. But I can't imagine anything more it's pretty... crazy, I guess. That you just have to handle that."

"It's not something that happens on accident." The heat started to fizzle out of his cheeks. This was exactly the sort of thing he and Hunter had never been afraid to discuss between them. "Takes prep."

"Ah."

"So you've never done anal then?"

"My girl ain't about it."

"And are you?" Samel met his eyes.

"A bit curious, I guess." Hunter cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter on the couch. "Something worth trying, at some point, probably."

"I think so."

"Yeah..." Hunter drew in a long breath. "I feel, so god damn awkward but uh, I think I don't just mean you know, pitching."

"Ah." Samel laughed.

"And like, pegging exists right?"

"It does."

"I just... dunno. Feels weird that I might have to go first, even weirder that it's with a toy."

"Bit curious is one letter away from bicurious."

"Huh." Hunter furrowed his brow. "You're right, but that... I dunno."

Samel put a hand on Hunter's shoulder. "No shame in it."

"Yeah but... I'm kinda committed. I don't want to leave her, sure as hell not going to cheat." Hunter frowned. "Feels weird to think about it."

"You can still explore yourself though right?"

"I guess?" Hunter's frown deepened. "I'm not like... the horniest dude out there and we're pretty you know, active. Not sure if I have the urge to make sense of it, took me long enough to even open up about this with anyone."

"Been there, done that." Samel rubbed at Hunter's shoulder. "Been daydreaming about sucking dick since I was 13 I think. Took me a few years to tell you I was gay."

"Right." Hunter stared, a strange look on his face. "Uh... always been a little jealous of you. It took you a bit before you were ready to open up to everyone but then you just went and did it. And I'm still stuck daydreaming. Kinda thought I was set, got a loyal girlfriend I love. But I get a little conflicted sometimes about that. Like maybe I should... make sure I'm ready to settle before I assume. Meanwhile you're out here fucking the pool guy, dating him even, and my instinct's to act all grossed out about it but I mean... you've made it pretty clear you're into that. And I'm still twiddling my thumbs over something pretty vanilla by any gay guy's standards."

Samel stretched his arm behind Hunter's neck and lay against the dog's shoulder. "You'll work it out in time."

"Maybe." Hunter sighed. "I don't want to pass off all my concerns about Davie as jealousy, but a good part of them are."

"Wait, how do you mean?" Samel squinted. "Like, jealous I'm with someone or jealous I found someone like him."

"I'm tripping over my words today." Hunter grimaced. "The latter. Specifically that you clearly don't feel discouraged to make sense of your urges."

"I don't think about them too much." Samel brushed his finger against's Hunters neck. "I think I just roll with things, and that's part of what I like too."

"You've always had bottom vibes."

Samel snorted. "Huge call from a straight dude who wants to get penetrated."

"I preferred being called bit curious."

"Guess that's more subtle." Samel leant further over Hunter, hugging his side. "Tell me about those fingers that go places."

"My girl read something about prostates and she wanted to surprise me, this is like, a naughty graduation gift by the way. That night after we graduated highschool, she's all over me and she starts sucking me off. And as I'm getting close, she's got this lube all on her hand. I think I told you this once but when I'm almost done I start making these sounds, like getting real into it. And as soon as I'm making them she goes for it and I came so hard I thought I went blind for a moment. She didn't know I've always kinda had those thoughts."

Samel scratched idly at his belly and let his hand rest on Hunter's hip.

"Ever since I get a little frisky usually in the shower and try it out a little more. She does it from time to time still, if she thinks I've earned it or something."

"Just a finger?"

"Yeah, a few times I've tried two."

Samel's hand glided to Hunter's waist. "You know there are guys out there skinnier than two of your fingers." He undid the button on Hunter's fly.

"Yeah..." Hunter stared down at him, his breathing getting a little heavier. "I've thought about exactly that sometimes. Or toys and things." He sounded a bit distracted as the zip of his fly came undone ridge by ridge.

Samel lay still against Hunter's chest, eyeing the dog's red undies with some satisfaction. Hunter was hard as a rock. Samel's paw came to rest on Hunter's thigh. Hunter's cock twitched.

"Never tried three fingers," Hunter mumbled. Samel's head drifted lower, the tiger's warm breath against his belly. Hunter's breath came flighty and rushed. Samel's paw brushed his boner. His entire body jerked. Samel waited for him to settle, hunger in his throat, passion alive and thrumming in his chest. It felt so god damn good to be this close. He pressed a padded finger against the small patch of pre soaking Hunter's underwear. The dog gasped. "Alright." He panted. "Stop."

Samel stopped, but didn't get up.

"Samel." Hunter whimpered, closing the front of his shorts.

"Bit curious is all." Samel slunk back up, mind aflame with thoughts of what he'd almost done. He adjusted his shorts a little.

"Yep." Hunter zipped his fly. "That's all." He cleared his throat, staring at the bulge in Samel's lap. "Uh." He reached out, hand over Samel's crotch, eyes wide as he gave it a little squeeze. Samel gasped and Hunter jerked his hand back. "Only fair right?" he said, laughing nervously.

"Kind of anything but." Samel grinned at him. "But fine by me."

"This wasn't anything." Hunter stated quite firmly.

"No, not at all." Samel nodded. "Just checking up on each other, and I can confirm you're a healthy guy. Everything's working."

"Uhuh. Same with you." Hunter exhaled, settling back against the couch with some acute distress. He sniffed once. "Can I kiss you, Samel?"

"Bit curious again?"

"No." Hunter wiped sweat off of his brow. "More than a bit."

Samel leant forward and kissed his friend on the lips. Hunter kept his eyes shut throughout. He was smoother than Davie and far less aggressive. Then they pushed away.

Hunter nodded. "Not curious anymore." He rubbed at his face and shook himself down. "Crazy."

"A bit, yeah." Samel's heart was racing.

"Was that weird?" Hunter asked.

"I don't really know." Samel rubbed at his chin. "Two weeks ago I think I would've said yeah, probably not done it at all. But right now? What's a little touch and kiss between friends?" He wasn't sure if that was alarming or not. Things had changed for him, quite quickly even, but he'd thought everything else in his outlook hadn't been altered much.

"New." Hunter put a hand over his heart, still breathing hard. "You don't seem so fazed."

"Went further with Davie like two seconds after we started for the first time." Samel shrugged. "I think it's fine. Actually, do you mind if I tell him?" Hunter gave a nervous shrug. Samel pulled out his phone, heart thundering in his chest. He was a bit uncertain about this, but he already knew the guilt would eat him alive if he didn't clear the air with Davie. He knew what Ky had done. Fear built in him as he started typing, though he also knew it would be fine.

Hunter and I touched each other and kissed. Didn't really think about it, it's not going any further I promise

Davie responded immediately.

That's cute. I was joking when I texted earlier, but I'm liking the imagery here

"See?" Samel chuckled. "All good."

_Should've asked you first but... in the moment sort of thing

He's your best friend, do whatever

Wait, what?_

Samel and Hunter huddled up, waiting while they watched Davie typing another reply.

_I trust you, I trust him, I trust I understand what your friendship with him is like. So go ahead. I don't want to get in the way of it. Before Ky I was pretty open with my partners. I like that I can be that way again with you.

Not what I was expecting you to say_

Hunter cleared his throat. "That's all."

Be young and stupid while you still can, being old and stupid sucks

Samel glanced up at Hunter, a little unsure what to say.

"Wow." Hunter sighed. "I can't imagine ever getting a green light like that."

"Uh, are you going to tell her?"

"Yeah, I'll do it in person. She's not going to be as easy but I don't think she'll care either."

"You going to tell her you're bi?"

"Bit curious," Hunter corrected him. "Maybe. We'll see."

Samel stared at his phone for a moment, appreciation for Davie growing as he re-read what they'd just messaged.

_You're so good to me

So good I earned a two week vacation from you_

"Uh... you should tell her that too." Samel shook his head. "Sorry, a little distracted." His phone buzzed.

_You're doing it again. I hurt you and I'm not forgetting that or it'll happen again

You're so good to me, other than the time you hurt me and how you're acting now makes me realize how much you do care_

Hunter yanked Samel's phone out of his hands. "Dude. Come on, he's..." Hunter sighed. Samel scowled at him but didn't reach for it back.

_I've taken Samel's phone -H

Lol, good. Has he always been so stupid?

Not stupid. Just doesn't like dwelling on the bad.

I've noticed that. Who's bigger btw?_

"Just shy of eight." Hunter glanced at Samel, the information given like it was anything mundane and appropriate.

"Dead on seven." The tiger bit his lip.

_Me

What are you doing tonight? :)_

"Can I have my phone back?" It made him a little nervous, how quickly things could change if Davie sent the wrong message. That stung to realize, because it was an obvious mark on his trust for Davie.

"Are you going to stop excusing him?"

Samel exhaled, frustrated. "Yeah."

Hunter passed him back his phone.

Sorry. I'm so bad at this, like this morning. I don't trust you as much as I used to and I don't know how to really acknowledge that like you can. Feels wrong to mention it.

"What happened this morning?" Hunter tilted his head.

That's all I had to hear. In time I hope you'll forgive me, I hope you can trust me again, but if you can't that's something we can work out too. No relationship is perfect, but trust is one of the most important things. I should stop intruding on your time with Hunter. Have fun.

Samel winced. "It was pretty rough. Things moved... fast. Faster than I expected and I fucked him."

"God dammit." Hunter growled. "I take back everything nice I was saying about him. What a fucking-"

"No dude." Samel stared at his lap. "That one's all on me. He made it so clear he just wanted to do his job and go but I was messing around because it felt good to, then I don't know what came over me I like... had to have him. First time I've been the one to fuck him. And he went along with it because that's just what we're like." And it had been good, helped reopen lines of communication between him and Davie. Lines of communication Davie originally agreed should be closed. It hadn't even been a day and the strict break which Davie said gave him a lot of hope was already a shadow of what they'd agreed because this felt better in the moment. Samel was to blame for that.

And that wasn't pleasant to realize.

Hunter went silent for a time. "Um, earlier, when we were being a bit curious..." he started, a little hesitant. "What was it you wanted to do?"

"I don't really know." Samel couldn't look him in the eye. "Keep going until I hit a wall." It was what Davie liked doing with him.

"And if you never hit a wall?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Don't want to say it, but yeah. You're right, whatever you're thinking you're right."

"Damn." Hunter put a hand on Samel's shoulder. "You're one hell of a temptation."

"Thanks." Heat rose in Samel's cheeks.

"That's not a good thing." Hunter scowled. "There's something pretty harsh I want to say, but I'm not going to say it unless you want me to."

"It's fine, go ahead." Samel gulped, nervous.

"Davie's a shitty person, but I'm starting to think the two of you deserve each other."

"Ah." Uneasiness settled thick in Samel's belly. That was worse than he anticipated.

"You're my friend, I care a lot about you, but I was so close. So close, to just leaning back and letting you do whatever. I trusted you'd stop somewhere sensible, because you know I'm in a committed relationship. But you wouldn't have. And walls start to disappear pretty quickly after a certain point, it's how mistakes get made. Big mistakes." Hunter's voice grew sterner the more he spoke.

Samel's ears twitched. He gave an uncomfortable nod. Hunter withdrew his hand.

"I think you should leave."

"I'm sorry." A pocket of guilt ached in Samel's breast.

"It's fine." Hunter rubbed at his forehead. "I just... I dunno dude. You need to sort that out, you can't be like that. Not with me, clearly not even with Davie. Where's your respect?"

Samel stood, hands shaking as he pocketed his phone. "I don't know. I'm so sorry. There's something wrong with me." This wasn't at all like him, and he knew that. Hunter knew that. Usually he was so considerate but all this sex and love and heartache had warped what he thought was normal.

"It'll be okay." Hunter gave him a smile. "I'm not angry at you. I just want you to sort that out before you really hurt someone, and it's likely to hurt you just as bad too."

Samel nodded, breathing heavy. "I don't want things to be weird between us."

"Promise you, they won't be. I need to think about some things, then we should hang out tomorrow. It was good."

Shame coated Samel's tongue. "Alright. Sorry again." Fear bubbled in his chest, this felt too similar to what happened a few days ago. Davie needed some time to think after the grooming argument, then sparked catastrophe from a distance. He was terrified it'd happen again.

"I'll come round Step's around noon." Hunter waved. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye," Samel said, heading for the stairs. Grimy residue of the word sat on his tongue, it felt too dramatic while Hunter was just playing it cool.

Samel ran back to Step's place and hid away in his room, laying on his bed as anxiety wracked his body. He was hungry but had no appetite with a belly full of nausea. It took time for him to build up the nerve to message Davie, tell him everything. He expected soothing words in response, something comforting.

He's right you know.

Samel sobbed himself to sleep that night, so disgusted he'd become like this.