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Adam & Frank Part III: You Heard the Man

By Champ (Patreon.com/ChampTehOtter)

Adam brought his paws away from his muzzle and sighed.

"Yes, Frank. I love you. Always have."

Frank was stunned. He looked down and furrowed his brow.

"Well... I... love you too," the otter begrudgingly growled, causing the fox's ears to perk up a bit. "But I'm still very angry with you," he added quickly. "What were you thinking embarrassing me like that?"

"Frank, I... I'm sorry." The fox sighed, hanging his head in shame. "Ever since I've known you you've been so unhappy, and it- it hurts so bad to _see_you like that, Frank. I always tried to be there for you and show you that you weren't alone, but nothing I did seemed to help."

Their eyes met in the rearview mirror. Frank never thought that his roommate could be anything other than sunny and enthusiastic. He never imagined that his moody demeanor had any effect on Adam at all.

"And then you started having accidents, and I finally had something I could _do_for you. I know you're not a real baby, Frank, but I just thought... I don't know, I thought that maybe you would finally see me as something more than just a stupid annoying fox."

"I know what you're doing, Adam," said the otter, shaking his finger at the pitiful looking fox. "You're doing that thing_where you turn the conversation _around on me. But it won't work _this_time! Do you hear? Hey! No crying, now. Stop it! That's not fair!"

"All I wanted was to see you smile," said the fox between sobs, "and you were smiling in there! Laughing, even! I thought I finally did something right for a change, but all I did was fuck everything up! Again!"

The fox bared his teeth and pounded the steering wheel as he spat out these final words.

"Adam! You..." The otter stopped and sighed. "you didn't fuck up. I didn't mean to call you stupid. I was just... Look, I know you meant well. And maybe I have been too hard on you lately. Can we just forget the whole thing and go back to being normal adult roommates?"

"Is being my little guy the worst thing in the world? Can't you let me try to make the person I love happy, Frank? Even for a little while?"

"Now don't give me that look, Adam. Stop it! You're gonna make me cry too!" The otter felt a lump in his throat as he looked at his friend's pitiful face. "Aw shit, Adam. If it means that much to you, I'll try it your way... for a little while."

"Y-you will? You'll really give it a try? You promise?"

"Yes, Adam, I promise. Now will you stop with the waterworks before you get us both killed? You're still driving!"

The fox sniffled and nodded, beginning to brighten up again.

"Thank you, Frank. Just don't forget your promise when you see the house," said the fox.

"Oh god, what did you do Adam? Adam? Adam!!"

*****

The front door of the apartment opened to reveal a very fussy otter being carried by a very happy fox.

Frank gasped as he laid eyes on the living room. It looked like a pre-school and a nursery had collided, and then a toy truck decided it was a good time to crash through the wall and join the party. He wriggled out of Adam's grasp and rushed around, asking a million questions about what happened to their apartment.

"Adam? Why is there a playpen in the middle of the living room?"

"It's to keep fussy otters from getting into trouble while Daddy's busy."

"Why is there a gate blocking the kitchen?"

"You lost your kitchen privileges yesterday when you ran off in the middle of cooking dinner, remember?"

"Why is there a lock on the bathroom door?"

"You're wearing your bathroom, sweetie. What do you need to go in there for?"

Frank walked into his room and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Adam?" he said in a slow, calm voice. "...What did you do with my bed? ...And my dresser? ...and EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY ROOM?!"

"Uhhh.... SURPRISE!" said the fox, smiling and throwing out his hands.

"No, no, no, no , NO, NO, NO!!" said the otter in a rising fury. "This is..."

The only things remaining from that morning were things Adam had given to Frank. The calendar still sat on the wall, which was now covered in colorful decals of forest animals and scenery. The noise machine now sat on an open shelf below a big changing table, next to stacks of babyish diapers. And the fox plush was in a blue crib big enough to easily hold a full-grown fussy otter.

"This is not going to work! My room mate's crazy! I think I might just have to kill him," said the otter, pacing and speaking to himself rapidly.

"Now hold on, Frank. You promised you'd try it my way for a while, didn't you?"

"Adam, I didn't expect you to toddler-proof the house and turn my room into a nursery!"

"Of course you didn't! That's what makes it a surprise, silly!" said the fox, booping the otter's nose.

"Adam! Come on, I mean... look at this place!" said the otter, sliding open his colorful new dresser drawers to find nothing but more diapers and baby clothes. "It's...It's..."

"Perfect for my little boy?" asked the fox, scooping the otter up and bringing him over to the crib.

"Adam..." said the otter. "I'm warning you... if you put me in that crib..."

"A promise is a promise, kiddo," said the fox, "didn't your parents ever teach you that?"

"That's not fair," said the otter, pouting as the fox looked down at his pocket, and pulled out his cell phone to answer a call.

"Speaking of parents, it's your mom calling! Ooh, it's a video call. Wonder what she wants?"

"Don't you answer that phone, Ad-"

"Hello, Mrs. Otter!"

Frank smacked his forehead with his paw and dragged it down his face as an older woman's voice filled the room.

"Why hello, Adam. I'm so sorry to disturb you but my little Frank isn't answering his phone."

Frank was frantically trying to signal Adam to say he wasn't home, but his roommate, seemingly oblivious to the significance of his gesticulations, just shot him a thumbs up.

"Oh, he's right here. Would you like to talk to him?"

"Why yes. It's the funniest thing, you see I saw a 'viral video' today of some otter being dressed up as a baby by a fox... and I could swear they looked just like you and Frank!"

"Yes! That was us! Today!"

"Noooo," said his Mom sounding amused. "You're pulling my leg!"

"No, I'm really not. See? Here he is!" The fox turned the camera so that Mrs. Otter could get a clear view of Frank in his crib in nothing but a diaper and onesie.

"I think he must really want to talk to you because he's been waving at me like crazy!"

"Oh my goodness," said his mother, covering her mouth. "Isn't that just the cutest thing! I haven't seen him like that in... well, since he was a baby!"

"Isn't it just?" said the fox. "And it's no surprise to me that he went viral. He's just about the cutest thing on two legs! Oh, but I can't imagine how it feels to know your son's a celebrity!"

"Oh, Just wait 'til I tell my bridge club," said Mrs. Otter. "They'll get a kick out of this! Oh! Herb! Get over here. Take a look at your son!"

This can't be happening, thought Frank. I must be in some terrible nightmare. Please let me wake up now!

A stocky looking otter in a baseball cap appeared on the screen.

"This better be good, Mama. I'm watchin' the game!"

He took a casual sip of his canned beer, then he looked down at the screen.

Here it comes, thought Frank. The old hardass is gonna let me have it!

"Wahahaha!" his father bellowed. "Well hey there, squirt! Is it nap time already? You were right, Mama, this is way better than watchin' the game! What's a matter son, cat got your tongue?"

"This little guy sure was talkative a minute ago," said Adam. "I couldn't get him to sleep!"

"I was just telling Adam that the ladies at bridge night are going to flip when they hear that my Frank is the biggest baby otter that's all over the internet right now."

"'Zat so?" said Papa Otter, taking another sip from his beer and smiling down at the cute image of his son on the screen. He seemed a lot nicer than when Frank was an adult, Frank thought. Wait, he *was* an adult. All this baby treatment was getting to his head.

"I could bring him by bridge night if you want. That'll really knock their socks off!"

"Oh would you?" said Mrs. Otter. "Oh, the ladies would absolutely flip!"

"Oh no, don't do that, now," said Papa otter. "If you let those old ladies get their paws on him, there'll be nothing left for you to take back home! Those old ladies are vicious!"

"Oh Herb, stop!" said Mrs. Otter, batting at Papa Otter playfully.

"Heyyy, I'm just jokin' around," he said, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Well, since you're here, I might as well ask your advice," said Adam. "This little guy is being a fussy pants and won't go down for his nap. Do you all have any tricks that could help me get him to settle down and go to sleep?"

"Well," said Mrs. Otter, "I know what always worked for me is I'd sing him a lullaby, or play some music and he'd go right to sleep."

"No, no," said Papa Otter, "what you do is, you put a little rum on your finger, see, and then you give it to the kid and it knocks 'em right out! That's an old trick. Works every time!"

"Herb! You never did that, did you?"

"Maybe once or twice! Ow, hey!" he fended his wife off as she batted at him.

"Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Otter, you've been a real help!"

"Hey, no problem, kids!" said Papa Otter. "Now I'm getting out of here before Mama Otter has me over a barrel."

"Oh, and Adam."

"Yes, Mrs. Otter?"

"Be honest with me now, because Frank will never give me a straight answer. Are you and Frank... you know..."

"Happy?" asked Adam. "Very. Ah, but, we're not boyfriends if that's what you mean. It's more of a... father-son type deal. No offense to Mr. Otter."

"None taken," said Mr. Otter. "I always said my Frank wasn't the marrying type. I mean when a single guy his age has the same room mate for seven years, you gotta kinda put two and two together, you know what I mean?"

"Herb!" said Mrs. Otter, elbowing her husband in the ribs.

"What? I'm just-"

"Well, I can't say I completely understand it," said Mrs. Otter, turning her attention back to the screen, "but as long as you two are happy, I'm happy too. But you'd better be ready to share, Adam. Since Frank's not going to be giving me grandkids, I want my turn at looking after the little one too!"

"Sure thing, Mrs. Otter," said Frank. "I'll see you at bridge night!"

"Ooh yes, see you then!" she said, clapping.

"Noooo..." whined Frank, burying his face in his hands. He couldn't believe his parents were going along with this. He would rather they got angry and told him to grow up!

"You listen to Adam, Frank," said Papa Otter in a voice that hovered between humorous and stern, "I'm not too old to come over and whup you myself if you cause too much fuss!"

"Thanks Mr. Otter, I'm sure he'll remember."

"Well, you heard the man," said Adam, putting his phone back in his pocket. "You'd better listen to Daddy or you're gonna have a very sore butt!"

Frank just crossed his arms and huffed as he was gently coaxed into a lying position by his new Daddy.

"Did anyone ever tell you you play dirty, Adam?"

The fox smiled.

"All the time. I'm a sly fox, after all," he said, tucking Frank in like a little otter burrito and turning on the little sheep mobile above his head.

"Do you really think I can take a nap after that fiasco? I'm never going to be able to sleep again! My life is over. I'm... I'm..."

The otter let out a big yawn as the sheep began to spin and play a lullaby tune.

"There, there, little otter pop," Said the fox, grabbing the otter's comfort items as his eyes began to droop. "You're just cranky from all that running around in the ball pit today. Here ya go, take your little foxy friend, and here's your paci. There ya go, sleep tight, kiddo."

The otter was still mumbling something into his binkie as his eyes closed and he nodded off. Finally all that could be heard was the suckling of his binky as the fox petted him.

"Such a cute lil' guy," he smiled, looking down at his former roommate. "I can't wait to get those adoption papers approved."

He turned on the baby monitor and left the sleeping otter to rest, but not before snapping another cute selfie with his sleeping boy and posting it on his SnoutPage. Then he stepped out of the room and made another call.

"Hey, Bryson! Yeah, I think this little guy's gonna be more of a handful than I expected. Would you mind coming over and maybe staying for a night or ten? Of course you should bring the duffel bag. Always bring the duffel bag! Is that even a question? Alright, I'll send you the address. See you soon!"