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Life in the Pack: A Break in the Pattern

By Green

Monday

The harsh blare of an alarm clock shook Milo from his sleep. His eyes opened slowly as he processed the walls of his room and the apartment beyond. It hardly ever felt like he actually got any rest from sleep anymore. With mechanical familiarity, the twenty-one-year-old German shepherd reached out to silence the offending sound on his nightstand before pulling the covers aside. Reluctantly pushing himself up off the warm, inviting mattress and the merciful oblivion the pillow promised, the lanky canine sat up and yawned loudly, reaching down to scratch himself inappropriately as his mind reluctantly began to adapt to being conscious. He brushed against some rather impressive morning wood, wondering if it was because he needed to use the facilities or because of the deeply homoerotic dreams he'd been having all night. There was a time when having sexy dreams about men would have had Milo worrying all day, but he'd long since moved past that particular form of denial. Besides, he had plenty of other things he could worry about instead.

The tired male slipped the boxers he'd slept in off and pulled on a pair of baggy pyjama pants that at the very least helped conceal his tent better. Not that he was particularly worried about appearances; there was only one other person in the apartment, and he'd seen Milo hard plenty of times... Yawning again, he took a moment to pick up a marker from the top of his dresser and jotted an X down on his wall calendar through the previous day's box. It felt more like an empty ritual than anything else, since every day felt the same, but keeping track of the date was, at the very least, helpful for keeping track of his studies. He had enough trouble on that front as it was...

Still shirtless, he exited his room, rubbing at his bleary eyes, just in time to cross paths with his roommate. The other German shepherd bore a striking resemblance to Milo, but was taller and more muscular.

Yeah, but I've got a much nicer ass, Milo thought semi-sarcastically, as the older male smiled at him.

"Oh, hey, Milo," he said, "Good morning!"

"Morning," Milo muttered in response, wondering if today was going to be the day the big lug realized he was leaving a word out on purpose. It inevitably wasn't.

"I was just about to come make sure you were awake, it's good to see you up and about," the handsome shepherd said, obliviously. Milo's left eyelid twitched almost imperceptibly at these words, but he made himself swallow the urge to get snippy, as he recognized that he'd only been awake for about thirty-five seconds, and he knew that he most definitely was not a morning person, even before things had taken a turn.

"Thanks, Eric, I appreciate it," he lied through his teeth, "I'm gonna go take a shower."

He turned away quickly, but not quickly enough - he still had time to see the concern appear in Eric's eyes. Milo had always worn his emotions on his sleeve, but to a lesser degree, the trait ran in his family.

"Okay, little brother," Eric said, softly, "D-don't forget to wash behind your ears." Facing away from him, Milo actually flinched just a little at the stutter as Eric's confident appearance slipped just a little. Hurriedly making his way into the bathroom, the younger shepherd sighed - in relief this time - as he locked the door behind him, dropped his pants, and started the water in the shower running. As he waited for the water to heat up, he scratched an itch on the side of his manhood, which had only drooped down to half-mast, and turned to face the large mirror on the wall of the bathroom. Looking the tired, dishevelled dog in the mirror in the eyes, the discouraged male shook his head and lowered his ears.

"Milo Thompson, this is your life..." he whispered, so quietly even he could barely hear it over the rushing water behind him.

Tuesday

"Good morning, everyone," the tall moose (perhaps an unnecessary descriptor) said distantly as he set his laptop down on the podium and began fidgeting with the cables to connect it to a projector. About half of the collected students returned his greeting, but Milo was not one of them. He just focused on setting up his own compy and the expensive textbooks the course required on the counter in front of his chair. Soon enough, everyone was settled, and the professor was showing off the different posters in an ad campaign from the 80s on the projector, explaining in detail how each image was carefully designed to slowly draw the eye to the product, among other things, but despite Milo's best efforts, it was only a few minutes before his mind began wandering to subjects that were not graphic design. It didn't help that he didn't really want to go into advertising, so those examples were especially uninteresting to him.

When his thoughts turned towards his ex, Milo finally realized he'd been daydreaming, and he redoubled his attempts to focus and scrambled to try and catch up on the notes he'd been meant to be taking, which in turn made it hard to keep up with the concepts that were being explained now. This feeling, a desperate struggle to keep his mind focused on the lesson at hand, and not on a number of things he'd be happy never to think about again, was an all-too-familiar one lately. Taking a deep breath, Milo swallowed a stressed-out whimper as he tried to keep his mind in the here and now, instead of dwelling on the troubling past.

Wednesday

The skinny German shepherd let out a sigh of relief as the class finished up for the day, and students all around him began packing up their stuff as their professor called out a reminder of an assignment that was due on Friday. For once, Milo had actually done it already, having suffered through a night when his thoughts were lingering on unpleasant topics until he finally forced them out of his mind by throwing himself wholeheartedly into his homework. Of course, that didn't solve the problem of another class where he had an assignment due on Friday, but he was hoping he could solve that tonight... His thoughts were brought to the present as the human who sat next to him, a friendly sort of dude named Jeremy, cleared his throat and turned directly towards his friend. Well, acquaintance, anyway. Milo hadn't been feeling very social of late.

"Hey, uh, Milo?" he started, smiling a little shyly, "I was just, ah, thinking that it might be nice if, um..." Jeremy made a face. "Oh, the hell with it," he sighed, "Milo, do you wanna go out for coffee sometime?" As he said this, the human's soft blue eyes dipped, running up and down the stressed canine's body. Instinctively, Milo shivered, suddenly imagining those soft, furless hands running over his body, fingers teasing through his fur as he was wrapped in the other male's warm embrace... The truth was that he wasn't particularly attracted to Jeremy, but it had been a long time since he'd had a good cuddle.

His ears lowering, despite himself, Milo reached back to scratch at the back of his neck.

"Oh, uh..." he started, struggling to find the right words to let Jeremy down gently, but Jeremy's eyes widened as his face went pale, which Milo found a curiously obvious effect on a human.

"Wait, did I make the wrong assumption here?" the other male asked, beginning to blush, "I'm s-sorry, it's just, uh, I saw last week when that girl asked you out and you turned her down, and I just got this vibe from that... Oh, God, I didn't mean to -" Milo raised a hand to cut him off mid-babble, feeling bad for the guy.

"No, no, uh, you were c-close enough," he replied hastily, stuttering as those old instincts suddenly flared up in the back of his mind, protesting the very idea of what he was about to do.

"I'm, uh, I'm bi," he said, speaking the words he once refused to even consider in his mind, "and you're funny and all, but my last relationship kinda wrecked me, and..."

As he trailed off uncomfortably, a much more relaxed-looking Jeremy nodded.

"I get it," he said, softly, "Sometimes you need to deal with stuff, eh? No shame in that." He picked up his bag, slung it over a shoulder, and turned towards the door, pausing at the last moment to look back to the German shepherd.

"You change your mind, though, you let me know, okay?" Jeremy asked, giving Milo a warm smile. Milo grinned back, hoping it looked less forced than it felt. He'd been trying to 'deal with stuff' for three years now, and it still tore him up inside...

Thursday

The engine roared as the bus pulled away from its latest stop, and Milo Thompson let out a quiet sigh that was lost over the background noise. He'd taken a few minutes after class to stop in the cafeteria and scarf down a couple chili dogs and fries (which were delicious, naturally), so he'd taken a slightly later bus than usual. He was beginning to wonder if this was the best decision, though, as immediately after he'd sat down and set his heavy bag down on the floor, a pair of rats sat down in the seat directly in front of him. This wasn't a species thing, of course, it wasn't the fact that they were rats that bothered Milo. It was that they'd only made it about twenty seconds after the bus started moving before the male had started to invade the female's personal space with nuzzles and kisses. She'd begun to giggle and squirm, half-heartedly protesting but making absolutely no effort to actually get him to stop.

"Justiiiiiin," she murmured as her lover kissed her on the side of the throat, "Doooooon't, we're in public, people are looking!" He followed the next kiss with a playful lick and she tittered again, clearly encouraging him.

"Mmm, let them look, Ames," 'Justin' whispered matter-of-factly, "They're just jealous. Every guy on this bus wishes he was me right now, kissing on the prettiest girl in town... Well, actually, I think that one guy over there wishes he was you." She giggled again and began to churr as he nuzzled against the underside of her chin.

The enamoured rats continued to natter back and forth playfully, but Milo finally drew the line when two of their hands sought each other out in their cuddling, fingers entwining as they took a firm hold of each other. Seeing their naked rodent hands like that immediately brought memories back for Milo of a slightly smaller hand slipping into his own... Forcing his eyes away from the overly-happy couple, the disgruntled shepherd made himself focus on literally anyone else, like the tired-looking mom near the back with the fussy toddler, or the human guy standing by one of the doors who was definitely high, staring off into infinity with half-closed eyes and gently swaying with the bus' movements. Irritatingly, that didn't stop the memories.

No, no more of this, dammit! He thought to himself, I can't just torture myself like this forever! Taking a deep breath (which may have been a mistake while aboard public transit, but the smell passed quickly), Milo lowered his head and rubbed his face with his hands while trying to focus his thoughts away from the troublesome areas through sheer force of will.

This has got to stop, he thought rather forcefully, this is the last time. Concentrating on his breathing, he continued the internal struggle.

I'm not going to think about her anymore, he silently declared.

_ I'm not going to think about her anymore._

_ I'm not going to think about her anymore._

_ I'm not going to think about her smile._

_ I'm not going to think about the way her hand felt in mine, all soft and smooth and furless._

_ I'm not going to think about the way she'd throw back her head when she laughed._

_ I'm not going to think about how good she looked in boxer shorts._

_ I'm not going to think about the way her front teeth felt when we kissed._

_ I'm not going to think about the way she would challenge guys who whistled at her to fistfights._

_ I'm not going to think about the way her hair reflected the light in the summer._

_ I'm not going to think about how sometimes she would open up to me when we were cuddling, and she would feel so small and vulnerable for a change._

_ I'm not going to think about the day after it happened, when my apology text told me she'd blocked me._

Milo opened eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed as the bus came to a stop and the two rats stood up, still holding hands. For a moment, Milo was distantly surprised to realize how closely they resembled each other, but he was distracted by the miserable thoughts he'd dredged up while trying to do the exact opposite. As they stepped away, the male looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, Amy, you forgot your purse," he said, pointing with his free hand. The willowy female looked back with surprise and reached up to her shoulder, where the purse's strap wasn't.

"Oh! Thank you, baby," she said gratefully, quickly stepping back and retrieving the purse. As she returned to Justin's side, 'Amy' gave him a quick peck on the lips. He smiled at her warmly as they stepped out of the bus.

"Any time, love," the buck replied, "Don't mention it." As they strolled down the street, lost in each other, the doors closed behind them and Milo groaned quietly. His own stop couldn't come soon enough...

Friday

Milo sighed with a quiet, understated relief as he worried the key in the door until the lock cooperated and disengaged. Pushing the door to the apartment open, he stepped inside, set his bag down on the floor, and stretched, rubbing at his tired back. He had only taken about five more steps before he saw his brother sitting on the couch. Eric wore an extremely tired expression, even with his eyes closed, and his usual suit. The jacket was off, draped over the arm of the couch furthest from Eric, and even from here, Milo could see that the tie had been loosened. He'd also taken his shoes off and put his fuzzy feet up on the coffee table in front of the couch. The TV was on, displaying a rerun of a legal drama from 2007, but Eric clearly wasn't taking it in, it was on simply to provide background noise; Eric never had liked silence. Milo's first thought was that if he were very, very quiet, maybe he could slip through to his room without getting Eric's attention. His second thought was to be very upset with himself for even having the first thought.

While Milo was busy silently chastizing himself for thinking about his brother as a problem to be avoided, Eric opened his eyes and caught sight of the smaller male across the apartment.

"Oh, hey Milo, I didn't hear you come in," he called, sitting up straight and pulling his feet back down to the ground, "Uhh, how were your classes today?" Milo was experiencing the distinct feeling he used to get when he'd get home from school and his mother would ask him about his day. He'd once been extremely close with Eric, and to feel this way about his big brother made Milo feel terrible. Swallowing that tangled ball of conflicted feelings, Milo strode across the floor, leaving his bag by the front entrance. It wasn't going anywhere, after all.

"Eh, same old," he said, as he often did, "I'm getting through it." Eric nodded and stood up, reaching up to rub his eyes. The guy had seemed kind of exhausted lately. As he stood, his shirt fell into a more natural wear, which was tight enough to show off the elder canine's muscular arms. Milo swallowed and pretended he didn't notice how sexy his brother looked in a business suit.

"How's marketing?" Milo asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Eric shook his head and grinned tiredly.

"Oh, it definitely keeps me on my feet," he sighed, "Some days I feel like I'm really getting it, some days... not so much. Turns out it's more complicated than I really expected..." Eric had told some stories that were actually kind of interesting about the process of learning to create and pitch ideas to make people want something, before it ever reached the graphic design phase Milo had been learning about.

Milo turned towards the short, stubby hallway that just contained the doors to the three bedrooms, but Eric cleared his throat, looking a touch uncomfortable as he regarded his little brother.

"Hey, uh, I've been meaning to ask..." Eric started, busying his hands with his tie before forcing himself to make direct eye contact.

"Are you... okay, Milo?" Eric asked, softly, "It seemed for a while there that things were getting better, but the last couple weeks..." The younger shepherd tried not to openly scowl as he averted his gaze.

"I'm fine," he said, sullenly, "I've just been getting a lot of work to do."

"Are you sure?" Eric pressed, "Because -"

"I said I'm fine, Eric," Milo interrupted, his voice a bit sharper than he intended. He flinched, but didn't dare meet his brother's eyes, and he quickly turned to leave. Eric didn't say anything else as Milo slipped across the room and into his bedroom.

It wasn't until the door was closed and locked, and Milo was leaned back against it that the troubled German shepherd realized that he'd been holding his breath. Sighing again, he lifted one hand and rubbed his temples, distantly wondering when exactly he'd started thinking of Eric like an authority figure and not - well, not the way he used to think of him. He'd always looked up to Eric, sure, but it didn't feel like too long ago that Milo had thought of the larger male as his confidante, his partner in crime, the Thelma to his Louise. It wasn't even a mystery why they'd drifted apart, that was the most frustrating part - although not the worst part, not by a country mile. He'd been thinking about his ex a lot that week, but then to his dismay, she seemed to be creeping into his thoughts more often as time went by, not less. And because he was thinking about her, his thoughts inevitably went to The Event, and that meant that every time he looked at Eric, Milo's heart was filled with painfully conflicting feelings. Pushing off from the door, he walked over to his bed, rubbing his chest with one hand as if he could actually ease heartache through simple pressure.

Whimpering, Milo shook his head as he sat down, as if he were attempting to physically shake loose the offending memories.

"Ohhh, why can't I just move on?" he groaned, quietly, "Why do I have to tear myself apart? It's been three years, can't I just - hasn't it been enough?!" As his ears lowered towards his scalp, the skinny male let out a canine whine.

"F-fine, I deserve it, I fucked up... I can't believe I fucked up s-so bad..." he whimpered, raising trembling hands to the sides of his head as extremely vivid memories of the worst moment of his life played out in his mind's eye.

"I'd do anything to fix it... I'd sell my soul to get a do-over, j-just one more chance to live that day out..." he whispered. A small part of him was actually disappointed when some unsettling demonic salesman didn't manifest in his room, ominous contract in hand, but then Milo hadn't exactly been expecting much. He'd tried praying to the other guys for a chance to make things right, after all, and that had never come up, either. To be fair, though, he kind of figured that would be the response, since at the time there had been at least a half-dozen things going on in Milo's life that the men upstairs traditionally frown upon...

Leaning way to the right and flopping down on his side, Milo buried his face in his hands, unable to hold his emotions in check any longer, unable to deny the memories that wanted to burn through his mind again and again, going over every horrible detail in slow motion until he wanted to die. Tears pouring down his cheeks, Milo sucked in a shuddery breath.

"Gela... Eric... I'm s-so sorry..." he breathed, and then there were no words, only pain, and Milo Thompson writhed on his bed, weeping into his hands and hoping distantly that his brother couldn't hear him this time...

Saturday

The harsh blare of an alarm clock shook Milo from his sleep. His eyes opened slowly as he processed the walls of his room and the apartment beyond. There was a moment, just a moment, every single morning, right after he first woke up. In these moments, his mind was completely clear, and he might as well not have possessed a single memory to call his own. It was nice, oddly. He liked the peace of mind. But they didn't last long, and soon he blinked as it all came rushing back to him.

Milo thought about just turning the alarm off and going back to sleep. It was a very inviting plan. But he suspected that eventually, he'd just end up awake again, so he thought he might as well just cut to the chase. Besides, this not being a weekday, he'd already pressed the snooze button three or four times, and turning the alarm off altogether just felt like admitting defeat. Closing his eyes as tight as he could and slowly breathing in deeply, Milo thought about just how delighted he was to have social obligations today beyond hiding in his room, doomscrolling on Twitter all day. With that, he breathed out hard and forced himself up into a sitting position, re-opening his eyes to face the day.

Milo went straight for the shower, both to avoid Eric's recent habit of asking probing questions and because he had some stuff to work through in his mind, and he'd always found the shower a good place for deep thoughts. He didn't really make any headway into understanding the human condition (or morphic, as the case may be), but he did at least feel better prepared for lunch with his sister and her boyfriend today. Once his body was all spic and span, and his pelt was groomed and shampooed, Milo hopped in the fur dryer booth just long enough so that he wasn't dripping on the floor, and then wrapped a towel around himself (more out of habit than anything else) and hurried back to his room to work out his day.

Once upon a time, Milo had made a habit of "accidentally" forgetting to lock the door to his room after showering, in the hopes that Eric would slip in after him. Sometimes, it even worked. Now, though, he firmly turned the lock after closing the door behind him and sighed. He hadn't done that in a long time, not since The Event, and Eric had never tried the handle. Hanging his towel on the bar on the back of his door, the naked, slightly damp shepherd turned around and faced his dresser and closet, as if he could magically see the clothes within them. For a moment, he wondered if he should dress up nice. Today was a new experience, after all. Until recently, this apartment had been shared by Milo, Eric, and their sister Anne, who was between them in age. Anne had moved out three weeks earlier, something Milo still wasn't quite used to, in order to get a place with her boyfriend, with whom she'd been getting rather serious. The new place was still in the city, but, in Milo's words, 'just far enough to be a hassle', so they weren't exactly dropping in on each other at all hours. After the happy couple took some time to get fully unpacked and settled in, Anne had suggested to her brothers that they meet up once a week for a meal, to keep in touch more personally than just throwing texts or IMs at each other.

After seriously considering his wardrobe for all of four seconds, Milo shook his head, reminding himself that although they hadn't done this before, it was still just lunch with his sister. Running a brush through his messy hair, the gangly shepherd gathered a pair of boxers at random and grabbed a T-shirt and some jeans. They weren't even going out, and he didn't feel a particular need to impress Anne, even if he had been the previous guy to fall asleep in her arms... using her sizable bosom for a pillow... Milo blushed and grimaced so hard it bordered on a sneer.

"I'd have thought I'd've learned..." he muttered sourly, shaking his head and pushing his big sister's breasts out of his mind. It was a nice memory, but Anne had found herself a real, live man who made her happy, and Milo would sooner cut his tail off than get in the way of that. As he grabbed a second towel within his room to dab at his damp fur, the brooding male scratched at an itch on his wrist and took a few deep breaths. With great effort, he let go of the grumpiness he'd just summoned in himself. If he let himself get really annoyed, it could stay with him for the rest of the day, and his day had only just started.

Soon enough, Milo stepped out of his room, took a moment to prepare himself, and then walked out into the main room, to find... nobody. He'd been expecting to find them waiting for him already, but then he'd only really been half-listening as Anne and Eric hashed out the details the other night. Frowning slightly, ears perked in curiosity, Milo walked over to the kitchen area. After years in his parents' house, where it was a self-contained room, it had taken him a little while to get used to the kitchen just being an extension of the open main area of the apartment. It was nearly lunchtime, but since Milo hadn't eaten anything while he'd been busy catching up on his sleep, he grabbed a couple granola bars to tide him over. No sooner had he taken a bite out of the first one when Eric stepped out of his room.

The elder shepherd was already wearing his shoes, Milo noted, and as he hurried into the main room, Eric grabbed a hoodie off the back of a chair over by the TV and began to shrug it on.

"Oh, hey Milo," Eric said, "Good to see you, I'd been starting to think I was gonna have to drag you out of bed myself." There was a time when the idea of waking up to find his older brother in his bed, taking hold of him, would have made Milo's heart beat a little faster. Now, it just made him roll his eyes.

"Mnngh," he grunted, by way of acknowledgement, then added "So where are Annie and Sean? I thought they'd be here already." Eric blinked as he zipped up the hoodie.

"What? No, they had stuff to take care of first," the muscular sibling replied, "Weren't you listening?" Without waiting for an answer, Eric looked at his wristwatch.

"Never mind, it's good that you're up and dressed, since they should be here any minute, and I gotta go!" As he hurried towards the door, Milo frowned again.

"Wait, go where?" he called after his brother. Grabbing his keys, Eric smiled in a slightly confused way, as if Milo were asking about the most obvious thing in the world.

"To get the food, duh," he replied, "it's not gonna pick itself up. Although it would be cool if it did..." Opening the door, Eric paused for just a moment.

"Don't go listening to music or anything," he said, his tone dangerously close to lecturing, "Anne doesn't have a key anymore, you need to listen for them."

Annoyed, Milo opened his mouth to say something snarky about his brother acting like his parent, but Eric immediately slipped out of the apartment, leaving Milo alone with his thoughts. Frowning, Milo forced a growl, but it quickly tapered off into a sigh as he went and plopped himself down on the couch, getting out his phone and bringing up a colourful, extremely Japanese game that the dog liked because the relentless cheeriness almost made him feel better about the direction his life had taken. He went to scratch his wrist again and found his fingers blocked by his own wristwatch, which was built into a wide cuff made of firm brown leather. He'd started wearing it a few years back, and somehow, if he pressed his nose against it, he could still faintly detect that pleasant 'new leather smell'. After a few minutes, Milo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was tired of being upset. He'd been struggling lately, it was true, and he knew deep down that his siblings just wanted him to be okay. Opening his eyes and returning to his game, the troubled shepherd silently promised to make an effort to reach out to his siblings during lunch, rather than being grumpy and acting like a sullen teenager with a short fuse.

It was only a few minutes after that that there was a sharp rap at the door. His ears perking up, Milo closed his phone and stood up, crossing the short distance to the front door and opening it to reveal a slightly overweight German shepherd female, tail wagging madly.

"Heyyyy!" she said, clearly happy to see him. Stepping forward, Anne threw her arms around Milo and hugged him tight. Milo wasn't really in a hugging mood, but she was very warm and very soft, so he let himself enjoy the sensation.

"Hey, big sister," he said, smiling slightly, "It's good to see you, too." They leaned in and nuzzled against each other's cheeks. As a general rule, morphics tended to be more physically affectionate than humans, though admittedly Milo and his siblings had taken that a bit further than most, once upon a time. Behind Anne, another dog appeared in the doorway, this one a border collie. Since Milo was now resting his chin on Anne's shoulder, he met the collie's eyes and managed a nod.

"Hi Sean," he said, simply. Anne's boyfriend grinned casually and gave him the tiniest wave.

"How's it going, my dude?" Sean replied. Somewhat reluctantly breaking off the hug, Milo stepped aside and let his guests into the apartment.

"Oh, you know," Milo said, "It's been kinda rough lately... but I think things are alright today."

Anne ducked just slightly, regarding Milo's face carefully.

"Are you sure?" she asked, softly, "Last time we talked things seemed kind of..." Milo interrupted her as she searched for the words.

"It's fine, I'm fine," he insisted, even as he wondered if that was true, "I'm just... not sure how I feel about this lunch thing. We never used to need a big, scheduled appointment to hang out before..." Truth be told, that was mostly deflection, he just wasn't feeling up to actually talking about his problems right now, and certainly not with Sean right there. Glancing over at the other male, Milo realized for the first time that the border collie was carrying a tupperware container.

"What's in the box?" he asked, indulging his nosiness and changing the subject at the same time. Glancing down at it, Sean perked up.

"Oh, this?" he asked, "I felt weird going over to someone's place for a meal without bringing something." Anne turned towards her boyfriend and gave him a mild Look.

"I told him he didn't need to worry," she said, still looking directly at Sean, "this isn't like a fancy dinner party or anything..." Unmoved, Sean grinned.

"It's a salad!" he announced, "Spinach leaves with a strawberry vinaigrette, and a bit of walnut for crunch."

Milo blinked, never having heard anyone less than ten years older than him say the word 'vinaigrette' before.

"This is what you get for dating a cook, Annie," he sighed exaggeratedly, crossing his arms and shaking his head, "I tried to tell you..." He managed to keep a straight face, but he was pretty sure his wagging tail undercut his false disappointment. Anne gave him a good shove, and he couldn't help but laugh.

"You ass..." she said, grinning. After a moment, Milo looked over to the collie.

"I guess you can just leave that on the counter in the kitchen," he said, pointing, "But I'm not sure how well it'll go with lunch, Eric's out getting fried chicken."

"Oh!" Sean replied, one ear flicking to the side, "I thought you guys were going to get Italian today?"

"I think Eric just meant that as an example, today he was feeling fried chicken," Milo explained. The other male frowned slightly and nodded.

"Well, okay, but still, salad here if anyone wants some!" Sean said, stepping out of his shoes and heading over to the kitchen.

Stepping out of her own shoes, Anne turned back to her brother and smiled, though Milo thought he saw a certain sad worry in her eyes.

"Hey, don't worry about the lunch thing," she said, softly, "Things change, it's not the end of the world. Try to think of it as... as us starting a new tradition." He nodded ever so slightly and smirked.

"...You know, you kinda sound like Mom when you talk like that," he observed. Anne straightened up, eyes widening behind her glasses.

"Fuck you!" she gasped, as if instinctively, before laughing and shaking her head, "Oh, God, Milo, don't tell me that! Ever since I moved out I've been worried about turning into our mother! Don't get me wrong, I love her and everything, but sometimes that woman makes me crazy!"

"How is the new place, by the way?" he asked, distantly curious. Anne made a dismissive gesture.

"Well, it's not really new, per se," she corrected, "I mean, it's just Sean's same old apartment, eh?" As they walked over to the kitchen, Milo regarded his sister with a sideways glance.

"Come onnnn, visiting a place all the time and living there are two different things, aren't they?" he prodded. To his surprise, Anne blushed and lowered her voice further.

"If you must know, we've been... living like newlyweds," she admitted, "And oh my God, Milo, it's been amaaaaaaazing..." For a moment, Milo felt a flicker of jealousy, and he realized he wasn't sure if it was directed at Sean, for getting to fuck Milo's sister, or at Anne, for getting dicked on the regular.

Anne seemed all set to go into further detail about their love life, but Sean, who had taken a few moments to check his phone after putting down the salad, turned around as they approached, and Anne turned and roughly whispered to Milo.

"I'll tell you everything later," she said quickly, before turning back to her boyfriend and reaching up to touch his shoulders. Anne was only slightly taller than Milo, who had always been a bit of a runt. Sean, meanwhile, was a little bit shorter than Eric, but wasn't nearly as burly.

"Mmmm, c'mere, baby," she said, practically purring as she leaned in to kiss the border collie. He didn't seem to be expecting this, but he happily went along with it, bending down to meet her lips and placing his hands on her hips. After watching for a moment more out of idle curiosity than anything else, Milo sighed loudly.

"Come on, guys, you literally went out and got a room," he said, "Why didn't you use it?"

Breaking off the kiss, Anne looked over her shoulder at Milo.

"That reminds me, have you guys rented out my room yet?" The youngest canine present frowned. That was actually a bit of a sore spot with Eric and Milo at present.

"What? No," he replied, crossing his arms, "Why?" Turning back to Sean, her tail beginning to wag, Anne grinned.

"That means my old bed's free," she said, delightedly, "What do you think, hon, are you up for it?" The collie's eyes widened, and he glanced uncomfortably at Milo.

"Wh- but your brother is right there!" Sean protested, gesturing unnecessarily at the other male, who waved at them. Anne giggled without looking at Milo.

"So? Are you afraid he's gonna listen at the door and touch himself?" she said provocatively, "Rel_aaaaaax_, Sean, Milo's no pervert, he'll have the common decency to leave us alone."

"But - but he would still know!" Sean protested. The younger shepherd sighed again and cleared his throat.

"You know, this isn't your place anymore," Milo said, knowing that she would ignore him. "That bed is mine and Eric's right now, so, I don't know, maybe you shouldn't do The Deed in it?"

Anne reached up to caress Sean's cheek as he rapidly looked back and forth between the Thompsons, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"C'mon, babe," Anne cooed, as if Milo hadn't spoken, "Say yes."

"I - I..." Sean stammered nervously, "Uh..." The next time his eyes met Milo's, the latter frowned.

"Don't even think about it," Milo warned, just as Anne began to nuzzle against Sean's throat, eliciting a visible shiver from the tense collie.

"Oh, this isn't fair," Sean groaned, "this so isn't fair!" Before the poor man simply dropped dead from sheer awkward tension, fortunately, there came the sound of the front door being unlocked. The three dogs turned towards it as one, perhaps as a shared canine instinct, just in time to see the door swing open and Eric step back in, carrying slightly grease-stained paper bags with him.

"I'm back!" he announced, pushing the door closed behind him with a foot, "Food's here!" After he kicked his shoes off and turned towards the kitchen, he saw the others gathered there and grinned.

"Ah! Hey guys!" Eric called. Milo looked back to the others as Sean sighed with tangible relief.

"Oh thank God..." he murmured, perhaps a touch louder than he intended. Both Anne and Milo suddenly broke out into giggles, and the border collie blushed, frowning.

"Really?" he asked, incredulously, "Is that how it is?"

Leaning up and stretching a little, Anne touched Sean's cheek.

"Awww, I'm just teasing, baby, it's just for fun," she cooed, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek that seemed to help his mood. Eric walked past them and began to set the bags down on the table.

"Damn, that smells good," Sean observed, accurately. He turned towards the table and walked over to help Eric unpack the paper-wrapped portions of chicken. Milo moved to follow, but stopped in his tracks as Anne grabbed his arm. Turning towards her, Milo was taken aback by the look on her face, which he hadn't seen since...

"So, Milo, 'that bed is yours and Eric's right now', eh?" she asked in a low voice, waggling her eyebrows lewdly, "Ohhh, you've just got to dish later!" To his chagrin, Milo immediately blushed, hard.

"Th-th-that's not what I meant!" he quietly stammered in protest, "We haven't been - I mean Eric and I - n-nothing's changed, Annie!" She smiled merrily.

"I know," she replied simply, reaching up to boop him on the nose, "You're just super cute when you blush, and I don't get to see it very often anymore."

Despite himself, Milo slowly smirked after a moment, and he shook his head. He had a very close bond with Anne, and he found it difficult to stay mad at her.

"Almost makes me feel bad for Sean," he muttered, with a wry grin, "You living there, without me or Eric to tease... that poor bastard." The two shepherds giggled together and then went to the table, where Eric and Sean's tails were wagging in unison, though neither male had noticed.

"Pull up a chair," invited Eric, as he sat down himself. His tail continued wagging madly behind him, as every chair in the apartment had an open back, which wasn't terribly uncommon in morphic households. Taking the suggestion, Anne grabbed the seat next to Sean's, but Milo turned back towards the counter and retrieved the tupperware container first.

"Hey, Sean brought, uh, salad!" he said for Eric's sake, "Anyone want some?" Anne smiled at the gesture, and Sean shot Milo the most grateful pair of finger-guns he'd ever seen.

Soon the four canines were unwrapping and digging into some breaded fried chicken, with little bowls of fancy salad next to each of them. Tails were wagging all over the place as they savoured the slightly greasy flavour.

"Oh man, I don't even remember the last time I had fried chicken," said Sean, sighing contentedly, "You get so used to making fancy stuff, you forget to enjoy the simple stuff..."

"Mmmm, good choice, Eric," Milo added. Sitting up a little straighter, Eric smiled, so far unaware of the piece of chicken stuck between two of his top teeth.

"Thanks, guys," he said, before his smile faltered just a little, and he added "Sorry again about dinner." Still chewing, Anne raised one hand in a dismissive gesture until she swallowed.

"I told you, Eric, it's fine," she said, firmly, "It's not like you asked for a surprise shift tonight." A moment of thoughtful eating fell over the table, before Anne frowned slightly and added "You didn't, did you?"

Giving her a Look, Eric shook his head.

"No, the schedule's just all fucked up right now," he sighed, "Everybody's all over the place because one of the bouncers, Leroy, got caught letting guys in if they'd go down on him." Sean was visibly taken aback.

Looking back and forth nervously between his girlfriend and her brother, Sean asked "I'm sorry, but uh, I thought you said he worked at a marketing firm..." As one, all three Thompsons suddenly started studying the table in front of them, their tails slowing to a crawl.

"I do," Eric said, carefully, "It's just... finding a third person to live here since Anne moved out is taking longer than we'd like, and, uh... I took a second job at a bar." Sitting up a little straighter, Sean looked from dog to dog, visibly tense, as if he were navigating a minefield.

"Oh, okay," the border collie replied carefully, "Uh, any place I've heard of?"

"Ah, that depends," Eric said, evasively.

"On what?" Sean asked.

"On whether Annie is a beard or not," muttered Milo, which resulted in a light kick to his shin from the direction of his sister. He regretted nothing.

A 'beard', in the slang of the gay community, is a woman that a closeted gay man publically 'dates' in order to throw off suspicion and keep up appearances, the way a guy might attempt to look more manly by growing a beard. The term had fallen out of popular use since gay marriage laws began to be passed in major countries, and many people had never heard of it. Sean Morrisson, going by his reaction, was not one of those people.

"Oh, that kind of bar," he said, studying his chicken carefully. Milo was surprised to realize that the border collie was blushing slightly... although not that surprised, since it made all the sense in the world that Anne would date someone who was easily flustered.

"The place is called 'Fate'," said Eric, "and it's just a bar, just a place for people to hang out and be themselves, it's not like a crazy sex club or anything... though they should probably put a sign that says that in the bathroom, because some people clearly didn't get the memo..." Sean nodded along to that, then cocked his head to one side as he considered the muscular shepherd.

"And you're, like... a dancer?"

Milo instantly burst out laughing, and Anne recoiled in surprise as Eric himself blushed so hard he almost turned purple. The reversal was refreshing for Milo, who hadn't laughed like that in weeks. Though they were alike in many ways, the brothers were still very different people, as demonstrated by the way that Eric quickly shook off his embarrassment, managing to grin even as his ears remained lowered.

"Well, uh... maybe after a few drinks, and definitely not well enough for them to pay me. Not that it's that kind of place..." he said with a smirk, "I tend bar." Instantly joining the other male in blushing, Sean raised both hands in apology.

"Oh. My. God. I am so, so sorry..." the humiliated collie began, but Eric laughed and waved it off.

"It's fine. Management likes having, uh, someone who's built like me behind the bar, since it brings in more drink orders." His cheeks were already paling again, and his ears were slowly but surely climbing back up. Milo quietly envied the speed at which Eric shrugged off embarrassment, as his siblings had both taken great enjoyment over the years in making him blush... though deep down, where he could pretend it didn't exist, he secretly enjoyed it, as their teasing had been playful, and had never been meant to hurt, just like Anne playing with his word choices earlier. Handily, before there was time for this inconvenient truth to creep its way into his consciousness, Anne gave him something else to focus on by speaking up as she turned to her boyfriend with a delighted grin.

"I thought you said you weren't bi-curious," she teased, and then immediately broke out into giggles at the look on Sean's face.

Milo felt his tail wagging behind his chair as Anne put her arm around Sean lovingly and leaned her head against his shoulder... and continued to poke fun at him.

"I mean, I guess I don't blame you, he is pretty ripped," she murmured, sighing exaggeratedly, "But it's a little weird for you to have a crush on my brother, babe, don't you think?" Anne had always enjoyed the playful teasing a little more than Eric, so this didn't surprise Milo any more than Sean being susceptible to it did. The border collie let out an embarrassed laugh, and looked between his girlfriend and Eric, who just sat there grinning.

"Oh come on, it's not like that!" he insisted, before blatantly changing the subject, "Eric! Y-you didn't finish explaining why you have to work because someone was getting BJs!"

Anne and Milo continued tittering at that while Eric showed mercy on the poor guy.

"It wasn't just that Leroy was getting head, it was that he was the bouncer, and he wasn't doing his job right, because he was letting people through the door for sucking him off," he explained, "So they fired him, but then we didn't have enough bouncers for all the shifts, so they had to have one of the other bartenders with bouncing experience take over for him, which means I have to come in tonight to cover the bartending shift that guy was supposed to have." He shook his head.

"It's been a mess like that for days, trying to fill holes in the schedule by creating new ones later on," he sighed, "The manager told me that he's had problems like this before, so he's trying to find someone who he doesn't have to worry about, but it's not like you're allowed to say you only want to hire a straight guy, because that sounds really bad out of context." Still deeply amused with herself, Anne lightly giggled at the phrase 'trying to fill holes', but Eric ignored her.

Milo had returned his attention to his chicken by this point, and he kind of tuned out as Eric continued talking shop for a little longer. Eventually, Sean nodded and sighed.

"Sorry again about the dancer thing, Eric," he said, "I feel like I should know you guys better if I'm gonna get serious with your sister..." Milo's first instinct was to brush off the idea, reflecting on several of his brother's relationships that had turned out to be more like extended flings, but he had to admit that Anne did not behave that way, and that she wouldn't have moved in with Sean if the relationship wasn't going anywhere. Turning to Sean again, Anne reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, gently kneading it.

"Awww, honey!" she said, obviously moved. Sean grinned sheepishly.

"Well, I can tell your family's tight," the collie said, "I figure this stuff is important..." The happy couple continued cooing over each other, but Milo was too distracted to even be annoyed, as Eric had looked over and met Milo's eyes right after Sean said the word 'tight'. The look in the older male's eyes said it all: Oh, he has no idea just how tight you are, right little brother? For a moment, Milo imagined Eric explaining their history with the same calm tone he'd used when talking about work, and the very idea put a blush on the skinny shepherd's cheeks. Milo hadn't seen that particular playful look in Eric's eyes in a long time, and it sent an unexpected shiver down his spine, all the way to the tip of his tail. It also ignited a miniature whirlwind of confusing emotions that Milo was not expecting, and while he was taking a moment to compose himself and shove those feelings back down, Sean looked his way.

"Hey Milo," the collie said casually, "Anne here's told me all kinds of stories, is it true you used to let Eric take you under the tail all the time?" Milo flinched from head to toe, his heartrate spiking.

"Wh-what?!" he asked, as his mind was seized by sudden panic. But Sean looked confused, almost as confused as Anne at his side.

"I - I said, I've heard that you're taking college classes, but, uh, I never heard what you're studying..." Milo swallowed as his blush darkened significantly, even as the panic disappeared entirely.

"Oh..." he replied lamely, feeling his pulse slowly returning to normal, "I... I thought... uh, never mind." He knew it would be an odd reaction from their perspective, but the real source of his embarrassment was the fact that at the moment Sean asked his innocent question, Milo had been thinking about the last time Eric had looked at him that way...

Milo immediately cleared his throat in an obvious attempt to move past his strange behaviour.

"So, uh, I've been studying graphic design," he said, scratching at the back of his neck and forcing the image of Eric's gentle smile out of his mind, "You know, stuff like designing what products look like to try and make them, uh, more appealing..." Sean nodded at this, which was just as well, as Milo wasn't sure how to keep going without getting into some of the minutiae of the course, which so far tended to be on the boring side.

"So you got any friends in class?" Sean asked, grinning as he added, "Any cute boys or girls?" Milo couldn't say he was a big fan of the intent behind the question, but it was the wording that made his left eye twitch unpleasantly. Next to Sean, Anne shifted uncomfortably in her seat, exchanging a glance with Eric.

Sitting up a little straighter, Milo took a deep breath to avoid just snapping at the guy, who clearly didn't know any better.

"Well, I see that Anne's an open book, mentioning I'm bi," he muttered, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. Anne was visibly annoyed, but before she could open her mouth, her boyfriend spoke up again.

"She's said nothing of the sort," Sean said, frowning slightly, "It's just polite not to make assumptions, as I neatly demonstrated when I thought your brother was a pole dancer!" Milo raised one pointed finger, ready to argue about it - and then he had to nod begrudgingly, leaning back.

"Okay, that's a good point," he admitted, but he still wasn't happy about it.

"Alright, uhhh, look, I... don't make a whole lot of friends, and I haven't really dated anyone since Ge- since this girl I knew back in high school. It... didn't exactly end well." Milo looked down and sighed through his nostrils to avoid the sound.

Sean looked around at the shepherds uneasily as the three of them avoided each others' gazes, and after ten seconds of profoundly awkward silence, he swallowed and cleared his throat.

"Hey, uh, everyone got really quiet all of a sudden," he observed nervously, "Is this a thing where somebody died? Because I'm_so sorry_ for bringing it up if..." Milo didn't particularly want to break the silence, so he was relieved when Anne turned to her boyfriend.

"No, honey, no one died," she said, quietly, "but, uh... trust me on this. You don't want to know." Milo's eyes remained on his plate as another heavy silence began, but this one only lasted a couple of seconds before Eric cleared his throat and spoke up unnecessarily loudly.

"Hey, Sean! Did you catch that game last night between the Golden Knights and the Kraken?" Milo smiled silently at his chicken as Sean gratefully latched onto the offered life preserver.

"Yes! Sports!" he blurted out, before visibly drawing a blank. Milo had a hunch if his sister was dating a guy, it meant he didn't know much about sports. "Uh, I mean, no, buuuuut... I would like to see those things fight in real life!" Eric and Anne broke out laughing, and even Milo snickered and sat up a little straighter as the other two males began discussing the hypothetical bout, starting with what exactly a 'Golden Knight' would be.

Once things moved onto less touchy subjects, the conversation picked up once more, and even Milo was smiling and speaking up again before long. Eventually, the four dogs had polished off the chicken, and given Sean's fancy salad a try. Milo thought it was pretty alright, but Eric seemed less enthused. Anne, of course, ate every bit of hers and told her boyfriend that she loved it, at which point Milo decided discretion was the better part of valour, and passed on the opportunity to make a 'you don't win friends with salad' reference. Leaning back in his chair, Eric sighed contentedly and patted his belly, though the gesture looked a little odd when that belly was topped by a six-pack of firm abs.

"Ahhhh, that was delicious..." the eldest canine said, his tail wagging tiredly behind him, "God, I'm so full, though... I hope I can work this off before my shift, or I'm gonna be nodding off behind the bar!" Smirking, Milo opened his mouth for a witty remark, then froze as he suddenly feared that it might seem weird to Sean if he told his brother not to worry, since he looked cute asleep.

Giving her own substantially softer tum a pat, Anne grinned and began demurely wiping sauce away from her mouth.

"That was delicious," she agreed, "Thank you so much, big brother, that really hit the spot." Milo was pretty sure he was the only one who noticed the slight twitch his brother's eyebrow gave, and he suppressed a snicker. Anne had always enjoyed annoying Eric with her 'anime bullshit', particularly referring to her older brother as Onii-chan, which ultimately grew into such a running joke between the two that he became suspicious whenever she called him the English equivalent, too. As Eric eyed Anne suspiciously, Milo finished off the last little morsel of chicken and pushed the bones slightly away.

"Yep, best thing I've had all week," he chimed in, "You the man, Eric."

"Guess it's unanimous, then," Sean said, smirking, "Don't get me wrong, I feel like I could fry a better chicken... but it's still pretty good." He winked, and the other dogs chuckled tiredly.

Soon, the four of them had cleared off the table, with Sean and Anne insisting on giving their plates a quick scrub as a thank you for the hospitality, and before long, the guests were getting their shoes back on and preparing to head back out. Anne gave a surprised Eric a big hug, pulling him in close and squeezing him tight, while a nervous Sean confronted Milo.

"Hey, listen, I wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier," Sean said, rubbing at the back of his neck, "I swear I didn't mean to bring up any old drama, and..." Milo was already waving him off.

"It's alright," the youngest canine in the room said, exhaling in a way that was almost, but not quite, a sigh, "I get it, it was an accident... not your fault I've got baggage." He put on a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Take care of my sister for me." Sean nodded at that but said nothing, still almost visibly worried he'd committed some terrible faux pas without realizing it. He turned to shake Eric's hand as Anne turned to Milo... and paused.

"Hey, Sean?" she asked, gently, "Could you give me a second with Milo?" The border collie nodded at that, zipping his hoodie up.

"Sure thing, babe, I'll be in the car," he replied, before glancing between Eric and Milo and adding "Thanks again, we should do this again soon!"

With that, Sean gave a two-fingered salute and started down the hall. Turning back to her brother, Anne smiled, reaching out to brush some hair out of his eyes. It was such an unexpectedly intimate gesture that Milo was a little uncomfortable for a moment.

"Listen, Milo..." she started, "I know things are hard for you right now, and I know you don't wanna talk about it... but I also know that if you just hold it all in, it can tear you up inside, eat you from the inside out." She tilted her head to one side, regarding him totally earnestly and speaking softly enough that Milo was sure that Eric, across the room, could not hear.

"So, maybe if you ever feel like it's all a bit too much to deal with, and you need to vent, please reach out to me, or at least someone, okay?" Milo swallowed at this, took a moment to let the words settle, and then nodded slowly.

"Okay," he whispered, "I... Thanks, Annie." The smile returned to the gentle female's face, and she raised her arms and pulled Milo into a hug.

"I love you, little brother," she murmured. Feeling closer than usual to Anne at this moment, Milo decided to indulge her, just this once.

"I love you too... Onee-chan," he replied, using her favourite replacement for 'big sister'. Anne leaned back, eyes wide with happy surprise, and she laughed softly, booping Milo on the nose.

Shrugging and adjusting the sit of her purse over her arm, Anne released her brother and stepped back, turning back towards Eric as she reached out to the door.

"Take care of yourselves," she said, glancing between her brothers, "and take care of each other!" Milo smiled thinly, and Eric nodded.

"Of course. You too, sis, take care." Anne adjusted her glasses, nodded back to him, and stepped out the door, following in Sean's footsteps. Milo found he instantly missed her, feeling a quiet ache in his chest, and sighed a little too hard. Eric glanced over at him, then took a step closer and patted the smaller male on the back.

"It'll be okay," Eric said, simply, and then, "Hey... you remember when we were little, and one of us would play Boarserker, and the other one would watch?" Milo smiled at the memories this summoned up. The videogame franchise had been something Eric and Milo had always bonded over.

"Sure, of course," he replied, "'Cause they didn't have co-op yet." Eric glanced at his phone, checking the time.

"Well, I don't really have time for co-op before my shift," the elder male continued, "So, since I got that NES from Amazon working, how about we see if you've still got what it takes to defeat the dreaded Barbearian?" His tail beginning to wag, Milo grinned.

"Oh, it's on..."

Sunday

And on the seventh day, he rested: Milo spent the whole day watching pirated movies and playing videogames in his room.

Monday

"Okay, everyone, that'll be all for the day," the professor announced, after the clock hit the hour, "Ah, don't forget your homework, we're reading the first half of chapter six, and that paper is due next week." Milo remained in his seat for a moment, letting out a long, drawn-out breath as he released the tension in his body. As he sat there, he happened to meet the eye of Jeremy as he walked by. The human smiled and nodded to Milo, who nodded back with the faintest hint of a grin on his face. The troubled German shepherd was feeling a bit off today, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why. After letting the crowd thin out a bit, Milo sighed and moved his books and papers back into his backpack, zipped it up, and stood up, heading out into the hall, the masses of students around him almost seeming blurry, out of focus, as he walked on 'autopilot' on a path that would lead him through the interconnected buildings of the campus, almost directly to his bus stop. Once outside, he just needed to cross a parking lot.

As he passed a cabinet full of dusty trophies and faded pictures of sports teams from many years past, Milo was shaken out of his reverie by someone saying his name behind him.

"Hey, Milo!" It was Abby, a snow white cat Milo was pretty sure had a crush on him. "Look, I know it's short notice and everything, but, um, how do you feel about trivia?"

"Trivia?" Milo repeated, as though he were unfamiliar with the word.

"See, it's trivia night at the Junction House," she said, naming a bar near the campus, "and one of our teammates had to go fix his car, so I was wondering..." Milo smiled sadly.

"Oh, that sounds kinda fun," the dog replied, "but I'm afraid I've got plans for tonight..." He'd told a truth and a lie, in that order. Abby nodded, her ears lowering just slightly.

"Okay, sure," she said, "It's fine, I knew it was a long shot. Hey, thanks anyway, Milo!" Even disappointed, she still sounded warm and sunny as she said that last part and walked away. Milo watched her go for a couple of seconds, then swallowed and turned back to keep going.

Soon enough, Milo emerged from the recess in the building around a side door, and was immediately confronted with one of the campus' smaller parking lots. He'd basically been walking while dissociating for the last couple minutes, but now he looked up to note the bus stop - and froze dead in his tracks. There, about twenty feet in front of him, stood a short, slender mouse woman, facing off to the side, so that Milo got a clear look at her. She stood next to an affordable car with the back door open, but she'd clearly been distracted by the phone she was speaking into. There was a duffel bag slung over one shoulder, but as Milo watched, stunned, she switched the phone into her other hand so she could slip the bag into the car. The frozen shepherd's heart was pounding harder than felt healthy with a mixture of distant longing and direct fear, and every muscle in his body was rigidly tense, the clenching making him feel like he was being squeezed in an invisible fist. But he couldn't take his eyes off her, as if she were a faerie he'd spotted in the woods, and he wasn't sure if she was real or not.

There were more piercings in her ears than he remembered, and she was wearing her golden blonde hair down, letting it dangle to her shoulders. It looked good, but a distant corner of his brain noted that it felt odd to see her without a ponytail. He wanted to call out to her, to fall on his knees before her and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to whimper and hide behind a car so she wouldn't see him. And deepest of all, as old shame washed over him, he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. All this and more, simply because poor Milo was laying eyes on Angela 'Gela' Taylor.

Unbidden, the memories came rushing back to him; the tomboyish Gela had been one of his oldest, closest friends, the two of them having met in kindergarden. They'd stayed close throughout the years until, in their late teens, Gela had red-facedly admitted to an attraction to Milo, and the two of them had become what they insisted were just 'friends with benefits', but functioned more like a couple in denial. This suited Milo just fine, though, as he'd secretly been fooling around sexually with his brother Eric, and later his sister Anne, since well before Gela's confession. As long as the shepherd and the mouse weren't officially dating, Milo would nervously tell himself, there was nothing wrong with having a little fun with Eric at home. It was just stress relief, it wasn't like he had romantic feelings for his own brother, after all... Then the day had come when Milo had finally been unable to hold it in any longer, and said 'the dreaded words': He told Gela he loved her. Afraid for their friendship, Gela was reluctant to change things, but couldn't deny that she loved him too. Milo had assured her that they would be strong enough to make things work... and then immediately went home to tell Eric that the fun was over.

For a while, things seemed perfect. Milo and Gela were together, no longer dancing around the truth. The brothers Thompson were still very close, even though they weren't having sex anymore. And though she was disappointed that she couldn't watch her brothers fooling around anymore, Anne was extremely supportive of this new, official relationship, proudly bragging that she'd known Gela and Milo were destined for each other since they were six years old. Yes, everything had gone perfectly... right up until the night when, out of the blue, Milo had confronted Eric and talked him into one last romp in bed. As if by fate, the resulting taboo debauchery had been interrupted when Gela, who had her own key, walked in on the brothers together and ran from the house without a word. Before he could reach her to even try to explain or apologize, Gela immediately blocked Milo's phone and social media accounts, and avoided all the places they used to go in town, not that Milo had been leaving the house much in those days.

It had been three years since they'd spoken a word. And now, even though Milo had moved to another city, here she was in front of him. While he stood there, frozen, his life flashing before his eyes, Gela finished whatever call she was making and pocketed the phone, then turned and closed the door to her car before moving up to the driver's side door. It was only as she was actually getting into the car that Milo suddenly realized she was about to drive right past him, and in a panic he hurried back into the recess around the door. Leaning back against the wall, Milo put the hood on his sweatshirt up and got out his phone, so he could look engrossed in it. His pulse had started to calm down once the initial shock of the moment was over, but it spiked once again as he heard the car starting, and he forced himself to stare, unseeing, at the Twitter app as the car backed out of the spot and then drove away. His canine ears straining to their utmost, Milo listened until he couldn't hear Gela's car at all anymore before he put his phone away and let out a deep sigh of physical relief and emotional turmoil. Leaving his hood up, feeling like a fugitive evading The Man, the troubled male stepped out of the recess once again and walked across the parking lot to the bus stop on the other side, where he found himself feeling absolutely alone, despite being surrounded on all sides by people.

The trip home was a blur for Milo, whose mind reeled with memories he'd been trying not to think about for the better part of three years. Memories of Gela. Memories of Eric. Memories of exactly how awful he had felt after it all went wrong, of what he had done in the darkest moments of his life. Somehow, he made it back to the apartment on auto-pilot, and when he stepped inside, he noted that the bathroom door was closed and the light was on, which meant Eric was inside. Suddenly averse to any actual interactions with people, Milo hurriedly stepped out of his shoes and all but ran to his room, locking the door behind him. Putting his bag down immediately, the trembling German shepherd crossed the floor and sat down on his bed.

"...What was she doing there?" he belatedly whispered to himself, the first sound he'd made since the almost imperceptible squeak he'd lead out upon sighting his ex.

"Why would she be at my school, of all the goddamn places... Did she get a sports scholarship or something?" Milo muttered, frowning. He didn't give the proverbial fiddler's fuck about sports, and couldn't name a single person on any of the school teams he was supposed to be supporting, but that just meant he couldn't decisively say that Gela was not on any of the girls' teams.

He just sat there, growing increasingly frustrated as he looked at the event from all the angles he could think of, because he just didn't have enough information to really understand it... not that it stopped him from obsessing over it for several minutes until the agitation inside him began to grow into genuine distress. Standing up, Milo shook his head and closed his eyes.

"No! Not again, not now..." he whispered, struggling to maintain control of his emotions, "I - I am not going to b-break down over this, not when it's been s-so long... I've been g-getting better, I'm a better person now..." It had just been something he said, out of desperation to justify the idea that he was strong enough to withstand the tide of Feels. Nonetheless, he wracked his brain for any kind of self-improvement over the last three years, and quickly latched onto the most obvious one.

"Hey, I'm m-more comfortable with myself," he said, "I'm bisexual, and I own it! I'm not hiding behind the idea that I'm 'straight with an exception' anymore!"

Crossing his arms, he stood there in a defiant pose.

"You hear that, mouse?" he said to no one, defensively, "Y-you're missing out! I'm way braver and tougher than I was when you knew me! I..." He swallowed. Thinking about the side of himself that was a fan of the man, as Anne once put it, Milo realized that when he was thinking about big, muscular men, he was not thinking of a short, slender mouse. It hadn't been the direction he'd been expecting to go with, but he gratefully grabbed hold of it all the same, with the enthusiasm of a shipwrecked man grabbing a life preserver.

"I like guys, and I'm not ashamed of it," he said, "I like it when guys think I'm cute, or when I catch a dude looking at my butt..." He actually smiled. Now that he was in touch with this side of himself, he was low-key proud of how nice his rump was. It had helped that Eric had praised it almost constantly, back when they used to fool around together. Eric used to tease Milo when they were alone by running his fingers along the bottom of Milo's tail, going against the grain of the fur and teasing down the length of the limb, closer and closer to Milo's soft tush...

Milo blinked. He hadn't intended to focus his thoughts on Eric, just on guys in general. But now that he had started, the memories just kept coming. The warmth of Eric's body, rubbing against his own. The feeling of those firm, taut muscles underneath the older male's soft, slightly coarse fur. The unexpected gentleness of Eric's movements in bed, a stark contrast to his buff appearance, which some found a little intimidating - though the ease with which Eric smiled and his generally calm demeanour helped that problem a lot. The way Eric could look at Milo that made the younger male just know Eric was undressing him with his eyes... and that the playful shepherd liked what he saw.

"N-no, wait..." Milo said aloud, as if there were actually a person paging through his memories without his permission, "Stop!"

The flutter that used to tickle Milo's heart whenever Eric would press him up against the wall for sex. The incredible feeling of fullness the first time Eric hilted himself completely in any given romp. The snarling grimace that often washed over Eric's face as he climaxed, which was deeply, deeply attractive to Milo. The smell of Eric's musk in the air, mingling with Milo's own, as they clung weakly together in afterglow.

"...P-please..."

The way Eric often leaned over and planted a kiss on Milo's forehead before going to shower off the evidence of their trysts, which always made the shorter male's tail wag tiredly as a smile grew on his muzzle.

Milo let out a growl his family would have found uncharacteristically intimidating.

"Stop it!" he snarled at no one, "No more!" But there was more, much more, flashing by much faster. The unimpressed yet curious look on Eric's face the time when he'd originally caught Milo masturbating in Eric's bedroom, the catalyst for their entire 'stress relief sex' relationship. The crooked grin of triumph on Gela's face after punching a much older bully in the face hard enough to give him a black eye. How safe Milo felt with Eric's arms around him. How protective Milo felt with his arms around Gela. A warmth he could remember, but no longer feel, that came when he was cuddling in the afterglow with either of them. And then... the utterly blank look on Gela's face when she caught her boyfriend taking it from his own brother. The sad, apprehensive look on Eric's face just the other night, which looked more like distant parental concern than worry from Milo's closest confidante.

At some point, Milo had raised both trembling hands to the sides of his head and was pressing them against about the spot where his ears would be if he were human. He was applying so much pressure - as if he could contain the flood of memories the way one staunches bleeding - that he half-expected his head to explode like a crushed egg at any moment. But he barely felt it, behind the shaky legs, the trembling arms, the tears beginning to run down his cheeks, and the sudden presence of his tail hiding firmly between his legs. He'd wept for weeks over Gela, still cried on bad days, and he'd half-drowned himself in self-loathing as his relationship with Eric grew more and more distant and strained every day. But there were two thoughts he'd never allowed himself to contemplate regarding The Event, and one of them had finally forced its way past his defences to the forefront of his mind.

"I... I lost them both..." Milo croaked, as the anger he'd been drawing up to try and protect himself melted away like a raft made of ice, leaving Milo floundering in an ocean of sorrow.

Suddenly feeling weak, Milo pitched forward, his knees hitting the carpet hard, but as he snapped forward and caught his upper body with his hands, he didn't even feel it. He just stared at the floor through increasingly blurry eyes as everything just... fell apart. Milo broke out into heaving, racking sobs that shook his entire body. The happy memories hurt even more than the terrible ones now, as each one cut deeply with the reminder that he'd never have that again, that he hadn't felt that happy since The Event, and feared he never would again. Feeling his arms beginning to tremble now, he rolled onto his side with an undignified flop, buried his face in his hands, and wept like a baby, unable to hold anything back.

"P-Please... I'm s-sorry..." he mewled, "I - I'm so s-sorry..." The pain was unreal; in that moment, Milo really would have sold his soul to a convenient demon in order to get a do-over for the last three years. A sudden, vivid fantasy of stabbing himself in the head with a butcher knife in exactly the right place to sever his ability to feel emotions played through his mind. As appealling as the idea of being a Vulcan for the rest of his life seemed right now, he was pretty sure that wasn't actually possible, so the tiny, tiny portion of his mind that was still minding the shop gently pushed the fantasy of self-harm out of the way, the best he could manage at the moment.

It was just then, as Milo trembled on the floor in the fetal position, awash with despair, that there came a knock at the door, which then opened before Milo could even acknowledge it. It was Eric, of course, looking more concerned than ever.

"Milo? I - Milo!" The older shepherd crossed the floor in two long strides that brought him straight to his brother's side, where he knelt down and touched Milo's shoulder.

"It's okay, I've got you," Eric said firmly, a hint of fear in his voice as he rubbed Milo's upper arm.

"It's alright, I'm here, it's gonna be okay," Eric cooed softly, "I... Milo, what's wrong?" The big man sounded so helpless, so weak in the face of Milo's pain. The smaller canine lifted his head from the floor, tears still running down his cheeks.

"Eric..." he whimpered, "I'm sorry..." As pain flared in his heart again, Milo instinctively reached up for the other male, who took a firm hold of both of Milo's forearms and helped him unsteadily to his feet, then eased both of them down to sit on Milo's bed, side by side.

"Oh, Eric... I - I had it all, I had it all!" Milo mumbled, his mind spinning too fast and his emotions too out of control for him to be coherent.

"It was p-perfect, G-Gela was my girlfriend, you and me were tighter than ever, even Annie w-was happier than she used to be... and I fucked it all up!" Grimacing, he turned away, pounding a fist ineffectually against the mattress.

" I h-had everything I ever wanted, everything I ever d-dreamed of, and then I threw it all away, a-and - and I don't even know why!"

Finding punching his bed unsatisfying, Milo balled up both fists and smacked the soft parts next to his thumbs against his forehead several times in rapid succession. It made a strangely pleasing sound, but Eric reached over and grabbed his brother's hands.

"Hey, hey! Stop it, none of that," he said, firmly but also gently. Milo had no idea how he balanced those tones so easily. Sucking in a wheezing breath, Milo shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I just..." He hesitated, letting out a canine whine. The pain was so all-consuming that it was difficult to find the words to describe it, much less explain it. When he didn't speak, Eric reached over and put an arm around Milo's shoulders. The slender shepherd shivered hard at the feeling of security that instantly washed over him. He'd missed that more than he'd care to admit, even - right up until this very moment - to himself.

"Hey, man. Talk to me," Eric murmured in a low, soft voice, "I know there's a hurt in there you wanna let go of, and I want to help you... But I can't do anything about it while it's all locked up."

Milo nodded his understanding to buy him a few seconds to form the words.

"I... I know everybody thinks I've been, uh, wallowing in regret the last few years because of Gela..." he started, "And, uh, they're not wrong... but that's not the only thing that's b-been eating me alive..." The pain flared back up for a moment, and tears began to form in Milo's eyes again as he regarded his brother.

"I didn't just lose Gela, Eric... I lost you too." The older male sighed softly and squeezed Milo along the shoulders supportively. Milo was surprised he needed to suppress the instinct to whimper happily at the sensation.

"You never lost me, little brother, I'm right here, I've been right here..." Milo shook his head and interrupted.

"I know, I know, but it's n-not the same," he insisted, "When we - when we started sleeping together, we got really close, it was like..." Milo swallowed and thought the words 'say it' very forcefully to himself, then tried again.

"It was... it was almost like we were d-dating..."

Milo wasn't sure how Eric was handling that statement, as he had suddenly become extremely interested in his backpack, which still sat next to the bedroom door on the opposite side of the room. Continuing to avoid his brother's gaze, the blushing male continued.

"You were always checking up on me, asking me how my day was going," Milo said, "a-and you actually seemed like you gave a shit about the answer! Everyone else who asks that question, it always seems like it's just a reflex or something, b-but you..." Milo trailed off, his train of thought speeding up again. He was starting to feel quite agitated, but he was way past wondering why. He just wanted the whirlwind of emotions to stop...

"You were always just, like, touching me," he said, managing to suppress the flinch before he hastily clarified "You know, like putting your hand on my shoulder while we talked, bumping against me if we happened to be standing together... r-running your fingers along my t-tail..." Milo nervously dared to look over at his brother, but the small, if knowing grin on Eric's face made Milo blush even harder, convinced that Eric knew exactly which memory the younger shepherd was really thinking of. As the memory of Eric's hand slipping down his tail so the larger male could play with him passed through his mind, Milo felt his rump reflexively clench down, as if longing for Eric's fingers.

Me too, buddy, Milo thought, before he caught himself, Me too.

Embarrassed by the momentary lapse, Milo pretended he hadn't just thought those words and moved on.

"But... ever since we stopped having s-sex," he said, noting that it still felt weird to acknowledge the fact out loud, after years of acting like it had never happened. "We've been... I don't know, we've been drifting apart, I guess. I feel like we d-don't share anything anymore, we don't hang out much... When we talk, it doesn't feel the way it used to, it feels... it feels like I'm talking to Mom or Dad, not someone I used to trust with m-my deep dark feelings..." He sucked in a shaky breath, his voice becoming more unsteady as the pain continued to grow.

"I... I really miss what we used to have, Eric, it - it kills me when I... when I try to avoid talking to you because I feel like you... like you don't unders-stand me anymore..." he said, whimpering, "And it's...oh God, it's... it's all my fault!"

He buried his face in his hands again, his voice growing more agitated.

"I did this! And I - I deserve it! All the pain I've felt over the l-last three years, all the suffering, every last second, I deserve it all because I cheated on Gela!" He flinched openly; he'd never actually spoken those words before, but it seemed to be a day for such things. "I couldn't be s-satisfied with what I had, I t-tried to have you and Gela at the same time, and now I've lost both of you!" Milo heard Eric say his name, but only distantly, as the younger dog broke out crying again, sobbing into his hands. His chest heaved as he wept harder than he had in years, not holding anything back at all. He was aware that he was being observed, but he was far too lost in despair to feel embarrassed about it. Milo felt like his entire world had gone to Hell long ago, and he'd just been refusing to admit it to himself ever since. He felt like he'd hit rock bottom, and right at that moment, he couldn't see any way it could ever get better; he'd just continue to exist, unable to feel close to anyone, and this pain would be his constant companion for the rest of his life.

Feeling tears running through his fingers, Milo trembled at the strength of the negative emotions raging out of control inside himself. It felt like his heart had spontaneously been replaced by a black hole in the centre of his chest, an infinite well of darkness that sucked away every scrap of light and joy in his being and whisked it away to parts unknown, never to return. He'd never felt so hollow. The tormented shepherd had almost forgotten that his brother was even there, despite the arm over his shoulders, until Eric began to move.

"Alright, it's okay..." Eric whispered softly. He was sitting closer to the head of the bed than Milo, and as he reached over to embrace Milo with both arms, he was beginning to pull himself up onto the bed instead of just sitting on the edge. Still sobbing brokenly, Milo passively let Eric pull him up into his arms as the muscular male slowly adjusted their position so that they were both lying down. Instinctively, Milo whimpered and threw his arms around Eric, burying his face in his brother's chest and continuing to cry. He felt the tiniest flicker of something approaching happiness as Eric's thick arms tightened their gentle embrace, but it didn't stay long, sucked away into that pit in his chest like everything else that was good and pure. Eric began to slowly run his hand along the back of Milo's head as he cried, as if petting his brother like a domestic, but since Milo was a dog, he found the sensation soothing rather than demeaning.

"Let it out, little brother, just let it all out," Eric murmured, "Don't ever let anyone tell you men don't cry."

"E-Eric..." Milo choked out, but he couldn't say any more than that, he just closed his eyes, rested his head against his former lover's chest, and stopped trying to resist his pain for the first time in three years.

He wasn't exactly checking his watch, but Milo felt like it was about five minutes later, give or take about eighty years, that he finally started to calm down. With his head against his brother's chest, he could hear Eric's heart beating, slow and steady, and every shuddery breath was tinged with the other shepherd's natural scent. These details, combined with how safe and protected Milo always felt in Eric's embrace, helped him to eventually regain control. Once he had reached the stage where he was just sniffling and letting out the occasional whimper, Eric spoke up again.

"How do you feel?" he asked, softly, continuing to run his fingers through Milo's hair.

"Awful," Milo answered truthfully, "But... better. I think." He made no move to get up, he just opened his eyes and continued to lie there, savouring every last second he got to spend cuddled up to Eric like this. He shuddered, and his hands tightened on Eric's back, gripping handfuls of the other male's shirt.

"That's usually what happens when you let out something you've been holding in for a while," Eric mused, nodding, "At least, that's how it seems to go with me..."

"Pffft, right," Milo muttered, "Because everybody knows you cry at the drop of a hat."

"Milo..."

"A TV superhero sacrifices themselves to save the world, you read about a stranger's pet dying on the Internet, uhhh - you get to that bit towards the end of 50 First Dates where he decides to leave her alone, and poof, on go the waterworks." Eric said the word 'ouch', but chuckled as he did so.

"Aww, come on," he said, playfully, "You had to name an Adam Sandler movie?"

"I prefer to think of that one as a Drew Barrymore movie," Milo replied calmly. Eric snickered again, and the smallest smile imaginable appeared on Milo's lips.

After a moment of silence, Eric tried again.

"So how long have you been holding that one back?" he asked. Milo sighed.

"Since Gela blocked me," he said, "To have her just ghost me, even after what I did..." Cringing and whimpering, he shook his head as best he could while lying down.

"I think it would have been better if she'd come into the room and screamed at me," he sighed, "If she'd called me a cheating piece of shit, tried to kick my ass, and told the whole world we were fucking. But... she just walked away. She... I b-betrayed her, and even though she d-didn't want anything to do with me anymore, she didn't tell anyone." He let out a canine whine as the memories came back again, but he was all cried out and couldn't get particularly worked up.

"I ran into her dad in the supermarket one time, like a year ago," he said, "The guy's a construction foreman, once told me he'd kill me and hide my body in a fuckin' concrete pillar if I made his daughter cry... and when I saw him in the store, he walks up to me and tells me he had no idea why we'd broken up, told me he..." Milo's body tensed up.

"...He missed how happy Gela was when we were still together. She didn't even tell her family what I did."

They let that one hang in the air for a moment.

"Milo..." Eric started, "Ah... can I ask if there was anything in particular that, y'know, set this off today? Or was it finally just too much to take?" Milo remained silent for a long moment, just listening to his brother's heart.

"...After class today, I... I was heading to the bus stop, and I..." He trailed off, trembling with pain for a moment. "...I saw Gela outside my school today. In the parking lot." Eric's hand stopped petting for a moment.

"And what did you do?" the older male asked, evenly.

"Nothing," Milo admitted, "She... she didn't even know I was there." Eric let out what may or may not have been a sigh of relief, and Milo wondered if his brother had expected to learn that Milo had publically humiliated himself loudly begging for forgiveness.

"I guess I never, y'know, 'moved on'," Milo continued, "I just... kept going. When I saw her, it... it hurt just as bad as it did the day it happened, and... oh God..." He tensed up again, and Eric began petting once more.

"It's okay, Milo, I'm here for you."

"Oh, Eric, I told myself I was doing better, that I was improving, but when I actually saw her again, God... I... I think that I..." He choked back a single sob, then cleared his throat so he could speak again.

"...That I'm s-still in love with her."

Those words felt like they reverberated through the tortured canine's entire being, and sent every nerve in his body to tingling. Milo hadn't allowed himself to admit that particular fact to himself until that very moment, as if he'd only finally made the connection during the act of uttering the words aloud. He'd tried burying his feelings for Gela so deep inside himself that they'd never see the light of day again, but here he was, three years later, and they'd dug themselves free. Eric said nothing, and Milo didn't dare check his expression, for fear that Eric would be looking at him with irritation in his eyes - or worse, pity. But through his silence, Eric kept petting the back of Milo's head, and Milo felt like he was not being judged, so he eventually began to relax a little. When Eric finally did speak up, his voice was calm and neutral.

"Well, I guess that explains a lot," he mused.

"What do you mean?" Milo asked, sniffling.

"Come on, Milo, it's not that complicated," Eric chided gently, "You've been torturing yourself for three years, stressing yourself out and making yourself crazy." Milo swallowed silently, admitting to himself that this was a fairly accurate statement.

"I don't think you've ever forgiven yourself for what happened," Eric continued, "This thing has had your wires so crossed you must have thought you'd never untangle yourself." It was at this moment that the hand Eric had been petting Milo with suddenly stopped moving, and it surprised Milo by moving down to tenderly caress his cheek, just once. The smaller male blushed at the unexpected contact.

"It's okay, though, Milo, I'm here for you," Eric said, "I know what you're going through."

Feeling a brief, hot moment of misplaced anger, Milo lifted his cheek from Eric's chest so he could angle his head up towards his brother's face. His ears were swivelled forward, facing Eric in an uncharacteristically aggressive position.

"Oh, that's rich, coming from the guy who just shrugs off everything life throws at him!" The instant the words were out of his mouth, Milo's anger was replaced by regret, and he brought his ears back down against his scalp, flinching as he averted his gaze.

"I - I'm sorry," he whimpered, "I just - I don't know why..." But Eric seemed unfazed, raising a hand to interrupt.

"It's okay, I know you're going through some shit right now," he said, "Which kinda brings me to my point..." Reaching up, he took a moment to rub his eyes before he continued. "Look, Milo, uh... I know you think of me as this, this immovable object who's got his shit together and doesn't let anything get to him, but..." He sighed. "Maybe I'm just better at hiding it when I'm falling apart."

Meeting his brother's gaze again curiously, Milo frowned.

"What do you mean?" And then, after a moment, he added "Wait, I d-don't think of you as this p-perfect, unflappable guy..." Skipping over the blushing Milo's half-assed lie, Eric smiled sadly down at his sibling.

"This isn't easy for me to say, Milo, but then I suppose nothing about this is easy, eh?" Milo nodded as Eric cleared his throat.

"I get that you're really intent on crucifying yourself for what you did three years ago," Eric said, making Milo blink from the bluntness, "But make sure to save some wood for me, okay?"

"What do you -" Milo started, but Eric was already continuing.

"You can't cheat on someone alone, Milo, I was there too. And I... I should have said no."

Shocking Milo, Eric suddenly averted his eyes, studying the far wall.

"I should have said no," he repeated, more quietly, "I've been torturing myself with those five words ever since it happened. And that's okay, because - wait for it - I should have said no." As he spoke, the serene, supportive expression melted off his features, to be replaced by a distant, troubled pain. Milo swallowed a whimper as he realized Eric was lowering defences Milo didn't even realize he'd had up, letting Milo in closer than anyone else in his life. A sudden warmth had blossomed in Milo's upper chest, and he was so lost in watching his brother that he didn't even realize it had eased the pain of the black hole.

"Eric... I d-didn't know," he whispered. Eric nodded, but when he continued, it was as if Milo hadn't spoken.

"I knew the very second you asked me to do it that I needed to say no, that it's what a good brother - a good man would do," Eric said, a tension in his voice, "If I had, you wouldn't have been able to cheat on Gela, and you two would probably be fuckin' married by now, you were so crazy for each other. But I... I'd missed you, Milo. I missed the playfulness, I missed the sex, I missed... the feeling of you sleeping in my bed... I missed it all, a lot m-more than I thought I would. I was so damned happy for you two, finally admitting you cared for each other... but at the same time, I missed you. And when you asked..." He trailed off, hesitant, and Milo wondered if that was the expression that crossed his face when that frequently happened to him.

"...You should have said no." Milo finished for him. A small smile flickered across Eric's lips, but disappeared just as quickly as it came.

"Yes. But I didn't. And I've never let myself forget," Eric replied with a sigh, "So believe me, Milo, when I tell you that you are not going through this alone."

As he'd been speaking, Milo had unconsciously pulled one hand back from hugging his brother and pressed it over his own heart, as if protecting the warmth Eric's words had kindled within him. He once again felt overwhelmed with emotions, but these ones were considerably more pleasant. But he wasn't really thinking about the way he was feeling, as the emotions themselves were once again growing to be overpowering as he gazed upon the older male.

"Oh, Eric..." he sighed, as the warmth grew so strong that he had to act on it. Eric looked back over at his brother just in time for Milo to lean in and kiss him.

Eric made a surprised sound and tensed up all over, something Milo appreciated, as one of his hands was resting on Eric's chiselled abs, which tightened enticingly under his fingers. Milo luxuriated in the kiss for as long as it lasted, but alas, after only a few seconds, Eric had recovered enough to reach up and gently push Milo back.

"Whoa!" he said, keeping his hand on Milo's chest, "What the hell, Milo?!" As his brain caught up to his actions, the younger male was shocked.

"I... I... oh God, I'm so sorry," Milo murmured, as he moved back, getting off of Eric entirely and kneeling on the bed. "I just... oh, the hell with it." His ears remained down, but his eyes locked onto his brother's as he put all his cards on the table.

"When we used to sleep together, Eric, and you'd hold me in your arms afterwards, I... I'd always feel so safe, so protected, because you were there for me... When I was with you, you made it feel like the world kinda made sense," Milo said, trembling with emotion, "I want to feel that way again... I want you back, Eric."

If Milo hadn't moved off of his brother, he would have felt Eric shudder at those words. He did notice the larger male moving one hand up to his chest, but he didn't dare to hope it was for the same reason as when he'd done it.

"Holy shit, Milo," Eric said, seeming a little shocked, "Nice confidence." Despite himself, despite the moment, Milo snickered.

"Thanks," he replied. The elder shepherd continued before Milo felt compelled to prod him.

"Jesus, though, I never thought I'd hear you say that..." Eric said, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck, "I don't know, Milo, the last time we were together, everybody walked away unhappy..." Milo, who had first imagined himself saying those words about two and a half years ago, felt a sharp, cold point in the middle of the warmth in his chest.

"...Oh," he breathed, barely audibly, something inside him cracking. But there wasn't time for the hurting to really begin before Eric hastily raised both hands.

"Wait, I - I'm not saying 'no', okay?" he said, effortlessly reading his brother's emotional state, "But I'm not saying 'yes', either. If you're serious about this, it's kind of a massive decision, eh? So I'm gonna need time to think about it."

Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, Milo nodded meekly.

"Okay, that's totally fair," he said, "Um, yeah, take as much time as you need... but, uh, for right now, would it be okay if... if we just held each other for a while longer? I promise I won't try to start anything or get handsy..." He tapped his forefingers together nervously, still embarrassed by his impulsive kiss, but Eric just smiled.

"Of course," he replied, "C'mere, little brother." As the big man raised his arms, Milo smiled self-consciously and moved back towards him, all too happy to return Eric's embrace. As he snuggled in against his brother again, Milo closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. True to his word, the younger shepherd didn't attempt anything provocative, unless one counted wagging his tail as provocative.

After a few minutes of cuddling and being pet, Milo lifted his head again.

"Eric? I... I'm sorry I kept all that inside this whole time," he murmured, "I know you and Annie and Mom and Dad were worried about me, and I just... shut myself away."

"It's okay," the older canine replied immediately, "You were dealing with a lot, I don't blame you. I'm just sorry you had to go through all that alone." Milo sighed and said nothing, lowering his head back down to Eric's chest. The emotional breakdown he'd suffered earlier had been exhausting, and he felt like he hadn't slept in a day or two. He almost felt like he'd drift off right there in his brother's arms - which had been something he'd low-key deeply enjoyed back in the day - but somehow, Milo stayed hovering riiiiiight above actually losing consciousness. He just drifted in a warm, enveloping cloud, his mind relaxed and free of stress for the first time in a long time. Distantly, he wondered how he'd never realized how much he enjoyed Eric's scent before...

Eric cleared his throat at some point after Milo began to float between sleep and consciousness, drawing him back up to the surface.

"Milo? I gotta say, I was surprised by what you said earlier, about wanting to get back together... about the way you said it."

"What do you mean?" Milo mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Well it - I mean we... We used to call it 'stress relief', like if one of us had a shitty day, we could screw around together and maybe feel better about it," Eric said, accurately, "But what you were talking about, it... didn't sound like what we had before. Or at least what we told ourselves..." Swallowing, Milo lifted his head and regarded his brother again.

"Wh-what do you mean?" he asked, genuinely unsure what Eric was talking about. He'd thought he was pretty clear that he was talking about doing inappropriate things to each other once again, as opposed to, say, suggesting that they should start a book club. But that wasn't what Eric meant.

"What we used to do, it was all about getting ourselves off," the older sibling said, "But you were talking about - about how you feel, what I made you feel, and how you want to feel that way again. It sounded like you were talking about a relationship, and that's... that's a step up from where we were."

Milo's eyes widened, and he blushed almost as hard as he had the first time they'd had sex. His heart was suddenly jackhammering away in his chest, so alarmed was he by the idea of adding a romantic element to his relationship with his brother, and for a moment, he could not respond. He made an effort to rein in this panic so he could respond.

"...No. No!" he finally blurted out, "Oh God, that's n-not what I'm asking for at all! What I'm trying to say is..." To his embarrassment, the words to explain this simple misunderstanding did not immediately occur to him, for some reason, and so he trailed off awkwardly. Eric and Milo then spent the better part of thirty seconds sitting there in tense silence, just sort of staring at each other. Milo closed his eyes for a moment and forced himself to take a couple deep breaths, calming himself enough to explain himself properly.

"...Look, Eric, I - I've just about hit rock bottom," he said, reaching over to nervously toy with the leather cuff on his left arm, "The way I've been feeling lately, anything would be an improvement." He averted his eyes but failed to hide a small, shy smile.

"...And I thought maybe my mood would improve if, ah, if I was getting laid."

Eric chuckled, to Milo's infinite relief, and both brothers relaxed a little.

"Oh, okay, jeez, I'm sorry," the elder male said, reaching up to wipe at his forehead, "For a minute there, I really thought... uh, never mind, I was wrong, it's fine." Milo nodded gratefully, managing to smile. A voice in the back of his mind suggested that the brothers Thompson were both a little overeager to put this moment behind them. Milo suggested that that voice could shut the fuck up. That settled (yeah, right), he lay back down with his brother again. Today certainly was a series of ups and downs...

Alas, it was only about twenty minutes after that that Eric's watch drew his attention by beeping. Milo knew their cuddle time was about to end by the way his brother sighed at what he saw. Sighing through his nostrils, the smaller male tried to memorize every detail of this moment, in case Eric never held him in his arms again...

"I'm sorry, Milo, I've gotta get going," Eric said, regretfully, "I've got another night shift at Fate, and I should get ready. Um, are you gonna be okay if I leave you here alone? Because if you don't want to be by yourself tonight, I could call in and..." But Milo was already interrupting, waving one hand dismissively.

"It's alright, I'll be fine for the night, Eric, thanks to you," he said, "I know you need the money, and I don't want to pull you away from that." The taller shepherd smiled sadly.

"Yeah, this is a nice place, I'd hate to fall behind on the rent," Eric murmured, "And that, unfortunately, means I'm needed at the bar."

Milo rolled off his sibling and remained on the bed as the muscular male stood up.

"Anything fun happening tonight?" Milo asked, trying to be supportive.

"Not for the staff," Eric chuckled, "Actually, when my boss Mike called, he said he'd finally lined up a new bouncer. I didn't catch any of the details, though, the connection sucked balls. I think he must have been in the elevator or something..." Personally, Milo had liked it when people sucked his balls, but he just nodded.

"Well, have a good shift, big brother," he said, smiling, "Thanks again." Eric smiled at the term, which Milo hadn't been using much lately.

"Anytime," the older canine said, "If you need me, just ask. I'm here for you." Turning, Eric opened the door to Milo's bedroom, but paused halfway through to look back to Milo on the bed.

"Have a good night... little brother," he called, "Don't wait up for me." Milo chuckled and waved, and Eric slipped out the door, which he politely closed behind himself.

Once again alone, but feeling considerably less awful than before, Milo rolled over to face the wall and sighed, thinking about all that had happened that night. It felt... important, somehow. Like he'd set something in motion. Or maybe Milo was just really excited by the possibility of letting Eric have his wicked way with him again. Raising one hand to his face, he lightly touched his fingertips to his lips and smiled. Eric had talked about needing time to make such an important decision, and in truth, he'd sounded downright doubtful as he said it, like he was already half-convinced the outcome of such soul-searching would be to turn Milo down. But even so, Milo had reason to believe in the opposite outcome; when he'd impulsively kissed Eric, contact between them had been extremely brief, but just for a second, right before the kiss ended... Eric had kissed Milo back. Closing his eyes, Milo took in a deep breath, finding that his sheets and pillow still carried his brother's scent, and as his tail began to wag lazily behind him, Milo sighed contentedly, daring to allow his mind to wander to what might happen if Eric said yes...

* * *

Eric hung up his jacket in the back room, and exchanged a few words and a fist-bump of solidarity with the bartender he was relieving. The short version was that it had been a pretty standard night so far, although for some reason they'd gotten so many more gin and tonic orders than usual that they were running low on tonic. It was extremely difficult for the troubled shepherd to focus on the here and now, though, as his brother's words continued to play in his head, over and over. Could they really just start having sex again, after all this time, after everything that had happened? Right now, Eric wasn't at all sure he'd ever be able to touch Milo that way again without thinking about how badly everything had been ruined the last time... Sighing, he tucked in his tight, black T-shirt, which showed off his muscles quite nicely, as well as sporting the bar's logo on the front. He told himself he needed to focus on the here and now, on doing his job, since Milo had seemed much better after all that cuddling, so at the very least, that situation would wait for him to get home.

Just after he took a moment to check his butt in the mirror - and caught himself thinking about how much nicer his younger brother's rump was - Eric's manager, Mike, a human in his late forties, stepped into the room.

"Oh, great, you're here, Eric," Mike said, "You're actually just in time, come meet the new bouncer." This was more than simple social friendliness, as the bartenders needed to know all the bouncers in case a customer started to get out of hand, and a bartender needed to reach out to a bouncer for 'physical assistance', the rather sterile term for throwing someone out of the bar in the employee handbook.

"Yeah, about that," Eric said, "I couldn't actually hear most of what you said, there was a ton of static."

Reaching up and running a hand through his thinning hair, the human glanced over his shoulder at the muscular canine as they both turned towards the narrow stairs leading up to the manager's office.

"Oh. Well, it took me a while, but I finally found the perfect candidate," he said, proudly, "Remember how I wanted to hire a straight guy, so he wouldn't be tempted by himbos and fembois trading sex to get in?"

"Right, but specifying a straight guy is illegal, I thought," Eric replied, managing to keep a neutral expression despite the ridiculous terms being thrown casually around.

"Sure, but I was just being stupid, not seeing the forest for the trees," Mike said excitedly, as they started up the stairs, "All I needed to do was look for a female bouncer!"

"Oh yeah, that works," Eric said, nodding, "I mean, we get ladies looking for ladies in here too, but let's face it, it's always the skinny guys with whale tails trying to slut their way past the door."

Pausing about three-quarters of the way up the stairs, Mike turned back towards Eric and lowered his voice.

"By the way, I know what you're going to think when you see her, and yes, she is, uh, shorter and skinnier than you'd expect a bouncer to be, but I saw her at a martial arts exhibition, and I'll be damned if she wasn't kicking the asses of guys twice her size!" Eric grinned.

"Hey, I don't care how small she is, as long as she can keep drunks from screaming in my face about our prices..." he said, encouragingly. Turning back, Mike walked up the rest of the distance, and held the door so that Eric could squeeze past him into the office... where Eric felt his stomach drop hard as he regarded the woman sitting in the chair opposite Mike's desk. He raised a hand to his chest, as his heart had literally skipped a beat when he realized exactly who the blonde-haired, white-furred mouse now rising to her feet was.

"Eric Thompson," said Mike behind him, obliviously, "I'd like you to meet..."

"Holy shit!" interrupted Gela Taylor, as she took in the sight of the suddenly nervous canine standing before her, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"