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A Doll's Difficult Feelings

For Technophile34

By Draconicon

Huff, puff. Huff, puff. Those were the reactions that Paula was supposed to have, and she continued to go through them, huffing and puffing air that didn't have to come out at that speed through her chassis, along specified air channels that she was all too aware of in her exhausted, post-orgasmic state. Her eyes rolled slightly, then were corrected for, certain parts pushing them to stare up at the top of her eye sockets rather than behind them. Maintenance was needed, but she needed at least another week at the job before she could afford to go for it.

The rest of her body was slowly feeding back diagnostics. She had some padding problems in her hips and ass, something that she'd need to see to later. The Pichu doll's silicone was mostly in the right place, but some of the rougher work had started leaving her with a hint of sagginess in the back. Nothing bad, and she could probably push it back into place herself, rather than some of the damage that other dolls that used to work here had suffered.

Even that was a secondary concern, mostly because of the aftershocks of pleasure still running through the wires just under her faux-furred plastic chassis. She could feel the little blasts of bliss, the little hits of pleasure emanating out from her pussy, and she could feel her juices still flowing. Sticky and thick with sufficient chemicals in them to make them smell like real sex juices, they were enough to make her yellow thighs look slimy, and she shivered as she reached down to touch them.

Nnngh...

It was hard to think in this post-sex haze, but that wasn't a bad thing with how hard thinking was as a general rule. This way, she didn't feel stupid. This way, she didn't feel confused.

The rest of her awareness was slowly coming back. Her audio sensors were picking up the sound of the small, drunk crowd that had been watching her get fucked on stage, and she knew for a fact that they were going to want more later. They always wanted more, and she was...almost always willing to give more.

Almost always.

She rolled herself to the side, feeling the sticky goo running out of her clinging to her ass, and to her thighs, almost pulling her back to her horizontal position. She watched as her mother continued to show off to the crowd, the Pikachu doll - named Patty - rolling her hips from side to side, riding a dildo plug that had been thrown to the stage. She watched, she observed, and she felt a slight bit of arousal continue to spark through her sex.

As she laid on her side, the younger doll felt herself sliding through memories, the hard drive throwing a few out at random. It was like reliving the event in question since her processor was overloaded, giving her a double-image in front of her eyes as one became as real as the current reality.

Waking up, her eyes opening for the first time to stare at a Pikachu doll, seeing massive breasts just under that head, pressing against her. She stares at them, then at the doll, feels a thought. Mama. Her mother. Her caretaker. Her family.

Paula shook her head, the memory fading shortly after, but not the terms. Mama. A doll that was bigger than her, one that couldn't give birth.

One that didn't love her.

These were facts, but they were coming through with more attached to them than before. The haze of post-orgasm was fading, and with it, so was the protection from those facts and the emotions that they were bringing with them. Emotions that a doll shouldn't feel. She was...she was a doll, and she didn't have a mother, but Patty was supposed to...

Paula dragged herself up a bit, pressing one hand to her head, feeling the confusion mounting, and something worse under it. It was new, something that she hadn't felt in the six months since her activation, since she'd been made part of the strip club. Her mom fucked her every night, and their mutual owner, Lita, a Lugia doll, often did the same, but...but...

Nnngh...nnngh...

She managed to drag herself to one of the stripper poles, leaning her back against it, trying to catch her metaphorical breath. As a doll, there was no need to breathe, no need to try and hold herself together in a way that other, living beings did, but she had been programmed to try and imitate them. Both in good, sexy ways...

And in other, damaging, more emotional ways.

She looked back at her 'mom' again, watching Patty and Lita getting it on. The Lugia had turned the dildo into a strap-on, and now it was being repeatedly buried against her mother's sex, slammed in over and over again. The crowd, small as it was, had started to drop off, becoming less and less aware of what was going on at the stage. They were out of it, either completely horned-up and out on P-Juice or just running low on charge. Nobody was paying attention, nobody was caring, nobody -

Click. Click-click-click.

Paula jumped up, running from the stage. Her mind was blank, and her body was filled only with the urge to get to the window, or the door, some way to look outside, to feel like she wasn't contained right at that moment. She bumped against Lita, then felt her mother reach around and try and grab her. She kicked her leg free, not even thinking.

Stumble, bumble, crash. She fell off the stage, landing on her breasts. No groans, only an idle gasp as she struggled back to her feet, the silicone in her breasts slowly making them re-inflate, pushing out again, getting larger and getting back to the right shape.

"Paula!"

Patty's shout didn't wake up the patrons, nor did they stop her. She kept running, moving faster, faster, faster as that clicking sound in the back of her head got louder and more repetitive. The pichu grabbed for the window, throwing it open, thrusting her head outside.

The fumes outside did nothing for the sudden attack and emptiness. If anything, they only reminded her of how wrong everything was. Everything that she saw was an imitation of something in her memory banks. The houses of bits of metal and plastic were imitation of what their owners were supposed to have. The roads and pathways were imitations of the sidewalks in the back of her head. The strip club was a copy of what the owners went to on a daily basis.

They were acting like people, but they weren't people.

She huffed and puffed, imitating what the people would have been doing when they were having a crisis of self-awareness, and her body shook in imitation, the pieces of her chassis clicking against each other at the joints, almost coming apart in places. She wanted to scream, but didn't, knowing on some level that it was wrong, keeping it in the back of her head.

Without distractions, all she could see was what was going badly for her and the other dolls, what was so very out of place. She didn't have a mom, because she'd never been born. She didn't have a life, because she wasn't alive. She wasn't loved, because her mom didn't really care for her.

She shouldn't have cared, because she was a doll. This was all wrong, all wrong, all wrong.

"Hey."

Patty. She turned, still imitating the hyper-ventilation of a person as the flat-faced, wide-hipped, big-breasted Pikachu stripper offered her a cigarette. It was already lit, and she took it, breathing it in.

It wasn't a true cigarette such as their memory banks had in them. Instead of being filled with nicotine, it was filled with various natural herbs and fibers, as well as a few different additives that made them different depending on which one you smoked. From the first breath, she knew that this one was an anti-conductor, something that slowed the passage of orders and signals from her core by placing a less conductive gas along the wires inside of her. She breathed it in again and again, and slowly, the emptiness and the repetitive clicking began to slow down. She could feel it, identify it, and she was able to slow the imitation of panic down.

She leaned back, relaxing as much as she could as the gasses from the cigarette did its work. Her mother stared at her with empty eyes, shaking her head slowly.

"Is that going to happen again?" Patty the Pikachu asked.

"I...I don't know." Paula sighed. "I just...I felt wrong."

Patty glanced over her shoulder as Lita approached, then looked away from the Lugia bartender to look at her again.

"You felt 'wrong'?"

"About everything."

"You're going to need to say more than that."

"Mom..."

There was no change in the Pikachu's expression at the familial word, and Paula sighed, pulling the cigarette between her lips again. She wanted to smile. Hell, her natural facial expression was pre-programmed to smile, to pull at the different, softer plastics on her face and make her look like she was grinning her head off. But at the same time, she could feel that it was blocked at the moment, not quite fitting. Some part of her programmed self didn't want to smile, and it was keeping it from happening.

Maybe it was the part of her that felt cheated. That felt at all, for that matter. She wasn't supposed to feel so strongly...

But she did.

Maybe it was a glitch, or maybe it was something else entirely, but it didn't feel good to her. Paula knew that she was supposed to be fulfilling her programming, doing what she was told, but at the same time, she had this emotional persona that she had to fulfill, as well. It was like...like her base self, to be bubbly and happy, some daughter or little girl that was being cared for.

The problem was, she wasn't getting that. She put that persona out on stage, acted out her different fantasies on stage for her 'mom' and the other Pokémon dolls out there, but at the same time, she wasn't getting the part that the personality program was supposed to receive. She felt lost, too emotional for a proper doll, too ill-equipped to follow through, and panicking as she kept running through the different routines that were supposed to fix this and weren't working in the slightest.

She took another drag from the cigarette, feeling the gasses slowing down her panic again, pushing it down, keeping it from transmitting through the different circuits that it wanted to go through. It helped her feel a bit better, at least.

"What's wrong with me?" she muttered.

"Hmmph. Not getting enough distractions," Lita said as she walked up, the Lugia slapping her ass. "You probably shouldn't stop while you're on stage."

"It's part of the act, though. Lay down, show off how much it hit me...but then..."

"She's thinking," Patty said, sighing and rubbing her forehead. "This is why I didn't want to build on the act."

"You had to. We weren't doing well enough with just you."

"Yes, but a daughter..."

If Paula had had a heart, she was pretty sure that was where it would have sunk. Her eyes widened slightly, her mouth hanging open, and she stared at her emotionless mother. The Pikachu lit a cigarette of her own, shaking her head as she took a drag of it. It glowed a brighter red than her own did, and she imagined that one was a booster instead. The Pikachu took a long drag of it, then tucked the unlit end between her breasts, the smoke waving up around her face.

"Look, Paula. You and I both know that I'm barely able to call myself your mother. You remember waking up?"

"...I remember."

"Do you remember what you thought then?"

"Yes. I called you 'mama'."

"That was your programming. It's part of our act, and nothing else."

Another hammer blow, but Paula had taken enough of the smoke in by now that it wasn't coming through all at once. She could handle the trickle of discomfort and sadness that her emotional core was pushing out. It wasn't fun, but she could handle it, and it wasn't throwing her into a panic again.

She sighed, slumping against the window, feeling the frame pressing into her butt again. It was denting the silicone slightly, but not so bad as the strap-on fucking had done before Lita had pushed her mom to get a taste of her own medicine.

"Do you care about me? At all?" she asked.

"No."

"...Well, I guess you're honest."

"It's business, Paula. Nothing more."

"You didn't want me, did you?"

"No, but incest shows sell better."

"Is that all it is? Money?"

"...No," Patty admitted, pulling her cigarette from her breasts and giving it another puff. "I guess it doesn't hurt to have someone else. But I don't really love you, if that's what you were asking about.

"Problem is, I'm not designed for emotions the way that you are. Mine's been hiccupping for the last couple of years, and that's a problem. So, I use these." She held up the cigarette in her hand, gestured with it towards the one Paula was using. "Keeps the emotions from getting out of control when they're running high, ups them when they're not coming through properly."

"So...you care a little?"

"...A little."

"But not like -"

"Not like a mom, no. Sorry, Paula."

She sighed, but it was better than she had expected, at least. It could have been a whole lot worse, and she was grateful that she at least had as much as she did. Even if it was chemical rather than real.

Lita chuckled.

"I didn't expect this kind of philosophy, I gotta admit," the Lugia doll said. "I was thinking I'd just have you guys for a strip show for the bar, and then some fun at the end. But long as we're baring it all, you guys mind if we move to a table? It's not that comfortable by the window."

The Chus did as they were told, matron and maiden making their way to one of the empty ones near the bar. Lita joined them, sitting down with her back to the long bar, and her eyes on the pair of them. She pressed her breasts up, adjusting the scratched and slightly damaged pair, adjusting the silicone to where it needed to be before putting her hands down on the table. The doll rolled her neck from side to side, and one could just make out a hint of sparks through slight cracks in the chassis where different lines connected again after being disconnected for a while.

Paula had to admit, that made her a bit uncomfortable. Just the reminder of what might happen to her if she didn't have regular maintenance, what might occur over time when she started taking damage that she didn't have the money to repair. She reached up to her neck, not quite in panic since the smoke was keeping the emotions from transferring completely, but definitely out of care for herself.

No gaps, no rips. That was something.

Lita leaned back, putting her legs on the table as she folded her arms behind her head.

"I definitely get what you girls are going through, but you have to understand. It's going to happen."

"Once we can afford some maintenance, we will be alright," Patty said. "It's not going to take forever."

"Oh, I know. I remember telling myself that lie," the Lugia said with a small chuckle. "You'll do your best to keep up with the maintenance work...for a while. Then you start noticing that being unemotional isn't that bad, or that the high emotions make it that much more exciting. You think that it'll be okay if you let it slip this week...this month...this year. Go in for the stuff that threaten your continued existence, forget about the rest of it, because hey, you gotta make rent this week, or there's a sweetheart that you want to take care of." Lita chuckled. "Or there's two girls that you want to have a good time with..."

"What's your point?" Patty grumbled.

"My point is, you're going to be dealing with this all your life. You might as well start getting used to it. A little panic never hurt nobody."

"Hmmph. Panic hurts more than you might remember."

"Well, that's true. My emotional core has been locked on being 'up' for the last year, so what do I know?"

The Lugia woman laughed, her large tits bouncing up and down as she did, while the Chus turned to look at each other. Patty shook her head, and Paula sighed, the Pichu looking down at her cigarette.

It was helping her, at least a bit. There was no more panic, at least, and she didn't feel quite so out of place. She wasn't back up to where she was while she was being fucked, but it was better than it was.

Is that all it's going to be from now on? Sucking down smoke, getting fucked so that you can forget?

She knew that her mother would tell her that it was. Much as she wished that she had the Lugia's luck and could follow that advice, she knew that she was too unstable to not use some sort of tool to control herself. The smoke was something that worked, and the sex...

Yeah. Much as she wasn't sure if she could keep imitating the strippers in her memory banks or the whores that were further back in those memories forever, she had to admit that it made dealing with life better. The more pleasure she felt, the better a high she had, and the harder it was to feel things. She just had to focus on the pleasure of the body, and it made everything else fade into the background.

Guess that's why so many dolls get into this...

She took one last drag from her cigarette, tapping it out on the table. The ashes faded quickly, since the cigarette wasn't the same as the one in the old worlds, that their owners would have used, and she flicked the butt of it away.

Lita and Patty both looked at her, her mother resigned and ready for what else the night was going to throw at her, while Lita looked ready to just devour her. There was a hunger for sex in the older doll's eyes, and she knew for a fact that the Lugia was ready to fuck her for the whole night.

That was something that she'd be more than willing to take, if she was honest. She needed a distraction, something that would keep her high and away from her feelings when the cigarette wore off.

"Do you still have that ribbed toy?" Paula asked her mom.

"Yes...you think you're ready?"

"I wanna try."

There was a knowing look in the Pikachu's eyes, and she nodded as she got to her feet, going around the back of the bar. Lita chuckled.

"Ready? Is this a big one?"

"Uh...kinda," the Pichu admitted. "It's something that mom has been using for herself, but I've been a bit small for."

"Oh ho ho, I get to break you in tonight, then?"

"...If you want to."

"Oh, I want to, Paula. You might have gotten a good fuck already, but if you can take something bigger? I'm going to shove it in you..."

There was a grin on the other woman's face that went past excitement. The larger, older doll seemed to be almost possessed of a need to fuck, now, and the musky scent of Lita's juices started to fill the air under the smell of the smoke. Paula had to admit, she hadn't expected that proposal to go over so well, but it wasn't like she could take it back, was it?

"Ribbed for the Breaking, right, daughter?"

Paula nodded at the Pikachu's question, still feeling a bit numb. Not quite dead, and not completely numb, but a bit. She wasn't quite 'with it', she supposed, her emotions pushed down and smothered. It was better than panicking, and she felt more aware of her choices, more aware of what she could and couldn't do.

For example, she knew that she couldn't keep going on like this forever. The hard use that her body got put through every night would have a cost in the long-term, and no matter how much Patty told her that they would have maintenance work to fix it up, there was no getting around the fact that such work was expensive. Sometimes one could find a good deal with a doll that was willing to trade work for pleasure, but by and large, they charged out the nose for proper repairs. Every doll was looking for scrap, after all, and if a doll happened to be too bad-off to be able to pay for repairs, then they could just become scrap over time.

If she wanted to have a better life, then she needed to stop doing the stripper work eventually, and sooner than later. Her body could only take so much, and she had already seen the long-lasting damage that her mother had started taking from the hard use. Even Lita, who wasn't part of the bigger scene, had damage that she couldn't afford to get fixed, and she was at least a dozen years old.

But at the same time...

At the same time, she knew that she couldn't just keep going on her own, and she knew better than to try and abandon her 'mother.' The programming that labeled her as Patty's kid meant that she was bound to work with her for a while, at least. Eventually, that would either degrade or run out, and then she would be able to go out on her own, but until then, she was stuck here.

And that meant being stuck stripping and fucking...and at least that worked as a way for her to both earn money and get the distractions that she needed.

"Found it," Patty muttered.

The Pichu and Lugia turned to look at the bar. Paula knew what she was going to see, but the sight of it still shocked her.

The toy, advertised as 'Ribbed for the Breaking,' was a big, knotted, nobby sort of toy. It bulged out again and again along the length, almost like a series of balls or knots to be forced into someone else. There was a total of five along the length, and each one was bigger than the last. Some even had ribs and whorls and more along the balls, so that they could provide even more stimulation as they went in and out, in and out...

Her thighs were already getting wet with the thought of getting fucked with that thing, and as her mom attached it to a strap-on harness, she knew that she was going to be walking funny for a while. Her compensators inside could take a lot, could take a hell of a beating, but that was going to be more than they could take on their own. She winced slightly at the idea of how much damage this was going to do, but on the other hand...

Well, she was going to be thinking about nothing else for a while.

"Let's get back on-stage," Lita suggested. "That way, if any of them wake up, they get a good show."

"Yes, ma'am," Paula said, getting to her feet and trying to ignore the dribbling already running down her legs.

"Paula."

"Hmm? Yes, mother?"

"Let me make sure it'll even go in."

The Pikachu curled her finger in summons, and the little reminder of her place in her programming popped up and pushed her to obey. Paula walked over to the bar, and then bent over, feeling her mother's fingers digging into her. She was already sopping wet, her juices thick, slimy, and just a little sticky as they ran down the back of her legs.

"You're definitely wet enough."

"I could have told you that."

"Quiet."

The strap-on was right in front of her face, now, and there was no ignoring that massive thing. It was made of a sort of glass, or at least, something transparent, and something harder than the average plastic. It was thick enough that she knew that it was going to feel like a fist punching into her at the midway point, and it was going to get thicker towards the base. The top was at least three fingers wide, and she gulped as Patty laid the tip against her sex.

"It's a good thing that we've been fucking as much as we have."

"Why? So I can take it?"

"That," the Pikachu said with a nod. "But also to keep you from thinking about this stuff before now."

"Hmm?"

"It's been six months. I'm surprised it took you this long to have your first panic attack."

"Why?"

"Most dolls that do it have it in two months. Then again, most of them aren't fucking as hard as we do. It's a good way to forget about the problems...and when you add the cigarettes in, it's as good as you're going to get."

She nodded. It wasn't a happy thought, but at least it was a satisfying one. There was a way to handle the anxiety and the panic attacks, and that meant that she had a chance to live a decent -

"Nnngh!"

Paula gasped as the toy was rammed into her, the first ball and most of the second getting in without any trouble whatsoever. She was pushed right up on her tiptoes, joints clicking in the process as she whimpered and gasped from the sudden, harsh penetration. Her eyes rolled back slightly, her breath coming harder and faster than usual, and she shivered as she felt her pussy clenching down hard.

God, that thing felt thick. Thick and heavy, too, as it was left to just hang out of her. The Pichu had to hold onto it with nothing but her vaginal muscles as her mother pinned her arms, leaving her huffing, puffing, feeling every bit of texture from the thick toy.

"Are you ready to take that?"

"Y-yes..."

"Then take it to the stage. Lita is going to use you hard."

"Yes, mom."

She shivered as she was allowed to stand up again, walking carefully with the toy sticking out of her as she did. It was hard to hold it in, but she just about managed it as she brought it up to the main stage. Everything was wet, slimy, her thighs sticking slightly as she walked up the steps. The Lugia waited with a big grin on her face, a few sparks here and there.

"Come here..."

She did as she was told, the yellow-furred Pichu turning around, offering the strap-on and its harness to the other doll. Lita put it on, grabbed Paula by the hips -

"AH!"

That first thrust was all it took to get the already hyper-stimulated doll over the edge. She arched her back as she was shoved against one of the stripper poles, holding onto it for dear life as Lita filled her by half the toy right then and there. The thick, almost fist-sized bulge at the middle of the toy stretched her by more than she had ever imagined, and the feeling of that long, slippery shaft pressing into her depths was more than she'd ever felt before.

Her head twitched slightly, her mouth hanging open as she drooled a bit, her body struggling to keep up with the stimulation, particularly as Lita started to pull back. It was a long, slow pull, too, dragging at every part of her inner walls that was starting to wake up again after the smoke.

Fuck...fuck...

RAM! Another thrust, this time slamming that third little knot into her, forcing her wider than ever. Paula's body was spasming from head to toe, some of the joints trying to bend and failing as they were pinned in place, her fingers squeezing and releasing against the stripper bar as she was filled up again. Her already plentiful juices were starting to drool out even more, falling to the floor between her legs.

"Ah...ah...ah..."

"Liking that, are you? Let's see how you can take it when I speed up..."

Paula had a second or two of fear, wondering how she would be able to last if she was already this out of it, but those moments were all she had before Lita picked up the pace. The next thrust slammed her forward against the pole, and the one after that almost lifted her off her feet. Then the Lugia started slamming into her faster, faster, and faster still, picking up the pace until that dildo was almost like a jackhammer breaking her open.

Her pussy felt like it was ripping apart in the best of ways, forced open in a pleasurable-painful way that not even the biggest dildo that she owned could have done. She would have slammed her ass back, tried to force it deeper if it wasn't for the fact that she was already losing control of her legs, having to lean on the Lugia in order to keep from falling over completely. Even with her fingers wrapped tight around the stripper pole, she knew she'd drop if Lita ever pulled out all the way.

Not that there seemed to be any danger of that. The other doll was rutting her, using her hard, and that strap-on was busting her open with each thrust. Pop, pop, pop, pop went the ridges and balls on it, bumping her open, spreading her wide. Every time that it pulled back or pushed it, she could feel her pussy lips popping open and sealing shut around them, only to gape wide when the strap-on was all the way out again.

Forward, back, forward, back. Every ten or fifteen thrusts, she had another orgasm, another mind-shattering moment that flooded her with so much pleasure that she forgot that the rest of the world existed. In, out, in, out the rounded rod went, each time making her pussy feel better and better.

The world went hazy, and she moaned as she came again, the stripper pole shoved between her breasts as she slumped against it. Her eyes rolled back in their sockets, her pussy clenched down weakly...

And then...she lost it.

"Ah...ah...ah..."

Paula panted softly, her mind so far gone from the fucking that she was only barely aware of the fluids that were running down her legs. They were spasming from overload of stimulation, flicking her juices away as they clenched and spasmed. Her juices continued to flow, no longer from just arousal, but in a slow, steady stream as if she was wetting herself. She had no more control of herself, no more awareness of her own body save for the pleasure that was coursing through her.

She leaned back, slowly, popping the last bulb of the strap-on into her sex. She hung off of it, panting, drooling, falling to the floor. It was as good as before, better, as everything that had been bothering her was fucked right out of her brain. Lita was already pulling out and getting started again, and her mother was coming to the stage, already fanning her pussy open for a bit of oral service.

The automatic processes were taking control, and Paula let them. If she was going to abuse herself, she might as well take full advantage of that and not think about anything for a while.

The End

Summary: A Pichu doll has a bit of an existential breakdown, and following a panic attack, has some personal moments with other dolls.

Tags: F/F, panic attack, dolls, anthro Pokémon, pichu, pikachu, lugia, strippers, strap-on, stripping, wet, orgasm, cum, domination, incest,