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Tuesday, January 28th at 10:38 P.M.

The wait for the package to arrive at my apartment was the most impatient I have ever been. This, of course, came after several weeks of deliberation whether it would be worth the risk of roommates discovering what was coming in the mail for me.

I still remember how my heart was thumping today when I saw the box sitting neatly on my porch, almost as if it were beckoning for me to rip it open.

I almost dropped the pocket knife slicing through the tapes, and I felt my excitement continue to build as I unveiled my prized possession beneath the packing peanuts.

A package of large, adult diapers were in my hands. Hastily, I retreated to my bedroom where I shut the door behind me. I had made sure to open the box when my roommate announced to me that he was taking his morning job but I felt that being a little overly precautious couldn't hurt.

My hands shook as I opened the package, the scent of baby powder and sound of plastic crinkling causing my excitement to peak.

I thought to myself and still do that just trying them out doesn't hurt. I had always been curious of what it would feel like to wear diapers again, to indulge oneself in thoughts of complete helplessness in a state of mind that is completely care free.

So completely little and vulnerable to the point of not even being trusted to keeping one's pants clean.

My first tape job was rather awkward, and I made the mistake of getting the baby powder I had sprinkled on myself on the adhesive tapes, reducing their effectiveness.

Still, I will never forget how that felt today. A snug fit, completely enveloping my private space in a secure, insulated hug.

With each movement the sound and feeling of the diaper constantly reminded me of its presence, inducing that feel of infantile helplessness that I had secretly fantasized about. The fact that the moment had arrived when I was first able to indulge in diapers was not lost upon me, which is why I decided to write it down here.

After all, a little thing like me just can't be trusted to keep my pants clean. Even writing that sentence brings me a sense of peace and excitement, I really should have bought myself a package of diapers sooner.

Sitting around in just a t-shirt and padding was a different experience itself, I glanced at myself in the mirror and admired just how well formed my rear end was with the diaper adding a significant amount of volume to it.

I patted my rear end gently, feeling the vibration of my pats throughout the back of my diaper and catching the scent of baby powder escaping from the leak guards.

Even just wiggling my butt at the mirror looked cute, the fact that I looked so infantile had brought a blush to my cheeks. A blush I can feel coming back to me now as I recount this in this journal.

Still, wearing the diaper and enjoying the feeling of safety and security it provided was not simply enough. Pulling on a pair of baggy sweatpants I had snuck carefully into the kitchen, my ears peeled for the jingling of keys to indicate my roommate had come back.

Quickly I downed several glasses of water, hoping to induce the need to pee as quickly as possible.

Surprisingly quickly, as it could not have been more than ten minutes later, I felt the urge to urinate.

I struggled for a few minutes, as years of potty reinforced and well practiced potty training caused my body to rebel against my intentions, not wanting to pee without the presence of a toilet in front of me.

I had to walk into the bathroom and close my eyes, visualizing that I was peeing in a toilet in order to start the stream.

The feeling of wet, warm liquid pooling and spreading throughout the front of my diaper elicited an incredible feeling of helplessness.

In my mind I gently chided myself, my excitement rising as I reminded myself that only little babies like myself wet their diapers because they can't hold it.

A minute later I had finished, and I examined my now thoroughly soaked padding in the bathroom mirror.

The slightly yellow tinged bulge that stuck out only furthered the feelings of babyishness I felt, it really looked like I had an accident in my pants.

Thank goodness I had a diaper around my waist to catch it!

I was about to further investigate how it felt to sit around and press my legs together in the soggy padding, when I heard my roommate coming back in.

In a panic, I rushed from the bathroom over to my bedroom where I quickly stripped of the diaper, shoving it under my bed.

I hid the package of diapers in my closet as well, under a pile of dirty clothes I don't believe my roommate will have any interest going through.

As I emerged from my bedroom to casually ask how my roommate's run had gone, I noticed I had left the opened box in the middle of the living.

It appeared quite obvious that I had received a package, and my roommate immediately asked what I had gotten.

I wracked my brain, but I remember I must have looked nervous or stuttered when I said it was a new computer part when he gave me a raised eyebrow.

Still, he didn't question me further to my relief. As I write this my mind is on the still mostly full package of diapers in my closet. I had barely had enough time to properly enjoy the one I had an accident in to my regret, I feel like I almost wasted it.

Man, that feeling... Completely helpless, padded up like a little kid who couldn't be trusted to keep his mattress dry...

It can't hurt just to try this out, can it? I really do enjoy the sense of security and comfort the diapers provided on my rear end. It's almost like a pillow that is constantly giving you a hug.

My roommate is going to be out of town next week so I should be able to get a little bit more free time then. Still, the thought of those diapers just waiting to be worn in the closet is causing me no end of excitement. The brief feeling of being just like a little baby was an exhilarating experience.

I'm sure it can't hurt if I wear it for a few hours every once in a while, can it?