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The A$$holes: "Providing high-quality entertainment for the cogs in the machine since 2003."

The average fur who browsed through social media or a random newsfeed could sometimes hear about us. Our memes. Our exploits. Our childish pranks and impractical stunts made practical, just because. We were considered the scum of society with computer who were nothing more than fast idiots. More often than not, we did it simply due to boredom and the all-consuming need for something to make the world a more entertaining place to live in. After all, if every single hard-working, tax-paying, junk food-addicted fur who scoured the World Wide Web lived like kings, what would the point of living even amount to?

Mind you, the A$$holes weren't like those bleeding hearts in re: Sonance. Unlike the latter, who operated closely as an isolated but highly experienced group of hacker activists who worked under a leadership hierarchy (the head even called themselves 'Themis', after the Greek Titaness of Law and Order. Aside from the dweeb-as-fuck name, I secretly had nothing but respect for their work), the A$$holes were a literal collective. In theory, any fur with half a degree in computer programming or knowledge about the Internet could claim to be one of us.

We weren't your dark knights who went around exposing the speciesist Neo-Nazis _ _ in something like the NCRM. We didn't hack a homophobic hate group or donate a portion of a wealthy dickweed's savings to several charity houses because we wanted to change the world for the better. Simply put, we were trolls.

For me and the rest of the A$$holes, the world had gone to shit long, long ago. We were just a hive mind of nobodies who were simply content to accept things the way they were. Sure, a good portion of us would feel the need to make a crappy situation less crappy, but not often in the long run, or if we got bored by it.

Me? I became an unofficial A$$hole after finally convincing my mother and stepdad to let me take online classes. Mouth-breathing little shits loved to make fun of the fat Corgi in high school and adding my inferiority complex on top of it and severe anxiety issues, I considered the Internet my Jerusalem. My de facto home. My only escape from a self-important world and its inhabitants who took everything way too seriously. On the Internet, nobody would immediately assume I was a big-boned, twenty-something Corgi unless I explicitly told them otherwise.

Instead, most knew me by my hacker name: Lulz_Boi. Nobody knew I lived in a shabby apartment on the outskirts of West Gemini in Minnesota, occasionally invited handsome, sultry twinks to my bachelor pad through Howlr (when I was brave enough and after I found said twink who didn't mind my weight) while making casual homophobic remarks online, or that I only gave a damn about social causes if I could exploit them in order to get a rise out of sensitive furs.

To me, a trolls' purpose was to help someone build thicker skin. Test a fur's resolve against the unsympathetic world. Teach the naïve furs out there that the world didn't operate like a family-friendly platform or a liberal arts college campus. It wasn't. It was nastier and more dangerous than they could ever comprehend, and it was the A$$holes' semi-essential duty to properly inform our naïve students/victims the hard way.

Most of the time though, we simply did shocking things for the sake of a good laugh and the laughs of others. One A$$hole I heard of--called themselves JinxieCat--went so far as to hack into C-SPAN's live feed during a congressional hearing about...I dunno, some boring bullshit about the latest social media being called out by a politician for supposedly favoring their rival's posts over theirs. Some petty bullshit the fat pigs in D.C. found more priority in.

Anyway, JinxieCat. C-SPAN. During the middle of that congressional hearing, they hacked into the live broadcast and replaced it with a distorted live reading of Sixty Shades of Grey. Took about fifteen minutes before the hijacked feed returned to normal. The computer wizards on the government's payroll didn't even find a single trace.

Another A$$hole by the codename of 'AZZMODE_US' went so far as to leak thousands of photos and email screenshots involving the hottest of celebrities in Las Estrellas. While most of the other straight members exchanged pictures of the female photos like they were collectible trading cards, I downloaded some of the male celebrities. One of them included dick pics and ass pics of Caleb Parkers, the muscular, well-hung lynx actor who starred in some action flicks and was rumored to be in the closet by some tabloids. Whether or not it was true, I certainly had a compilation to droll over on my computer screen.

An average A$$hole like myself--or rather Lulz_Boi--had done the simpler stuff. One of my prouder stunts involved a spoiled rich kid in upstate New York that found herself trending on YouTube after a random classmate took video of her having an angry meltdown. Surprising their daughter with a birthday present in the school's parking lot during lunch period, the she-wolf's 'awful' parents didn't buy her the right sports car for her sweet sixteen ("I fuckin' wanted a Mirage, Daddy! Not a Pinnacle! Not a fuckin' Pinnacle, Daaaaaaad!"). Turned out, her father worked as a hedge fund manager. Unfortunately for him, he never bothered to buy a domain name on the Internet, which I gladly did through a dummy company in the Cayman Islands. The cherry on top of that story involved not just the fact he couldn't purchase it from me for an entire year, but that the only feature the website had was a continuously looped version of his entitled daughter's public meltdown.

God, I fucking loved annoying the shit out of powerful furs. Stunts like that and others were what made life much more bearable out there. While the corporate clones, feminists, activists, politicians and bloggers complained endlessly about how the world was going to hell, the A$$holes were here to keep things interesting. Bag of popcorn and all.