Thicker Than Blood - Chapter 5
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Thicker Than Blood
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Pt.13 – Cliffs
Dusk turned to night – the only illumination was from the television flickering in the living room. The length of the couch had been occupied by the both of you for some time: Grace's paws were placed evenly on your chest while you laid on her stomach, leaning in further into her cushion-like tufts of fur. You were there, thinking to yourself, if that's what you wanted to call it – you couldn't really say because your thoughts were empty. What DO you feel? What IS this? Your entire perception of the world around you seemed faint, like you could only see five feet away from you, shrouded by a pale, white mist. All the words and questions you were thinking loomed over your shoulders, and you were emotionless to it.
Worst of all, that ball of anxiety grew: you wanted it to just go away, the damn thing, reaching it's malignant tendrils inside of you.
“…Vincent?"
The voice lured you back into reality. Your eyes twitched upward to the source, seeing Grace part her breasts with her paws to look back at you. She had an earnest, yet seductive stare in her eyes and a grin that formed on that round muzzle of hers. Clearly, the relaxed breaths that washed over you weren't for no reason…
“I think it's time we went to bed, cutie."
You didn't know whether to make a face or say anything so you just opted to follow her with a blank stare, trying your best not to make eye contact. She turned off the television and proceeded to lead you into her room, again, just like yesterday. Before making it to the mattress, she stopped to pick up something off the ground, bending over long enough to display her features while the soft thumps of her tail quietly wagged behind.
“Like what you see, cutie?" She asked with a playful growl, making the fur slightly jiggle with a slap from one of her paws.
The sight of her plump ass was enough to get your body warm. You could barely see the curves of her sex behind tufts of wet fur, yet you knew she was already prepared for you. Is this a repeat of yesterday? She must have been feeling that way all day, but now, in her den, she wanted you all to herself.
“Here…"
She lowered herself again to the floor, this time facing your direction. The package in her paws was opened, a slick rubber condom in her digits. She pressed her muzzle against your pants, noticing you weren't fully erect.
“Aww, feeling a bit shy?"
No, you didn't feel that way. You had something on your mind, but you didn't know what it was. Regret? Her digits continued to trace your leg, all the way up to your waistband.
“Let me help you, cutie."
“G-Grace…"
She continued to undress you, your legs and crotch bare to her again. This is wrong… but why? Why do you feel this way? The taste in your mouth was awful – you felt like vomiting.
“Mmm, I wanna see it get big again."
“P-Please, Grace…"
The anxiety was eating away at your entire body. Her face was mere inches from your sex, breathing those hot breaths…
“So warm. I just want to-"
You couldn't take it anymore.
“Grace! Stop!"
You yelled out to her. She froze there, fear in her eyes. She didn't know what happened – you didn't either.
“I- I just… I can't do this." You said with a crack in your voice. The cold stare in your eyes, on the verge of tears, looked back towards her. Her face… you couldn't tell if she was concerned or on the verge of- You couldn't handle it. All you wanted, all you craved for was just a way out. Quickly pulling up your sweatpants, you marched your way to the bathroom and closed the wooden door with a loud SLAM!
Your breath was uneven and your body trembled, like if you were living in a nightmarish dream. This is too real to be true… but it wasn't a dream – everything you had felt up to this point was all of your doing. Your body pressed itself against the wooden door, placing a hand on your chest to try and catch your breath.
You were alone…
…but the emptiness was there, too – it was your friend, after all. It knew you better than you knew yourself: making the choices for you, allowing you to have your fun. Now, it reminded you that IT was the one in control. Your fingers dug deeper into your chest, threatening to tear through fabric and flesh, trying your best to compose yourself and find out why, just why you felt the way you did.
You couldn't.
As you leaned on that door, your legs just decided to give, collapsing into a fetal position, crying into your knees. Your body couldn't hold in the tears anymore, the lavender-scented clothes now riddled with tears and snot. You cried for who knows how long. Why were you crying? It was an after-thought – you were safe now. Were you? You don't know anymore… You don't care.
It's what you deserved.
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Pt.14 – Lethargic
The time was unknown to you… how long had you been curled up on the bathroom floor?
If you didn't know any better, you'd have thought it was another night on the bottle, however, just a glance was enough to tell you this wasn't your bathroom. You weren't alone in your apartment at all: it was just another case of fear that had you stuck, wiping the dry tears from your cheeks in that room. Were you just too ashamed to admit it, knowing who you really were?
No, that wasn't it.
You were a scared little boy: always were, always have been. You simply just wanted to be left alone. You never got attached to anyone because… because…
_ Say it. _
…because you were afraid to love.
_ That's better. _
You… didn't deserve her. You never deserved someone like her. Did you even love her when you were with her that night? Or did you just give in to your primal desires? What did you really know about her? You knew nothing… all you did was- was just take advantage of the moment.
_ You d o n't deserve her. _
It was the worst feeling you had felt in so long. That pain brought you back, diving head first into the emptiness. It consumed you whole, leaving you alone in that dark room. You wanted to cry, begging for some kind of release, a shaking mess on the floor- yet nothing came out, except pain in your breath. Nobody was coming and you were all alone, just like you wanted…
Time passed.
You got up, in a daze, weak, like a newborn deer. You opened the door only to notice the house was still dark, only barely visible from the moonlight. You looked towards the doorway and saw her room was closed, not a sound you could hear from behind. It's for the best. Your body instinctively shuffled to the couch, stopping once you noticed a blanket tossed haphazardly onto it. The lump in your throat got bigger – even now, she still…
_ No. _ _ You d o n't deserve her. _
You took your time, folding the blanket and placing it on the ground. You d __o_ n't deserve that luxury._ Your body slumped itself onto the couch, curling up into a ball that cold night, resigning itself to darkness but the message kept replaying in your head, clear as ever:
_ You d o n't deserve her. _
…
A light tap on your shoulder transported you to the world of the living. Your body ached all over, mind beaten by a jackhammer, and emotions reduced to a fragment. You raised your head to look over your shoulder but Grace made her way back to the kitchen. She was wearing her work clothes and preparing some kind of breakfast. You didn't know what to do but your responsibilities said otherwise. Missing another day would spell disaster for you.
When you got up, you made your way to the bathroom, looking at the ground where you placed the blanket. It was no longer there. Figures. You stepped inside, closed the door, and proceeded to change into your clothes. The smell of lavender was stuck on them, a painful reminder at this point. You headed to the sink to wash your face as best you could. One glance was all it took to reveal what you really looked like, a soulless husk. You knew it: you had felt it since you got up and there was no need to see it anymore, a reminder of what you hated yourself for. This morning wasn't the one to pick out details.
When you came out, the table was set and the smell of a bland meal – biscuits and gravy. The plates were set on opposite sides with Grace in her usual spot, focused on eating… and you should be too. So, you sat down with a hard thud against the chair: the food barely did anything for you, just a warm lump inside your stomach. You eyes took pot shots to see her face, wondering what she was thinking, but she avoided your gaze as much as she could. The few times you did see, however, she looked just as hurt as that night.
Daggers struck your heart.
The car ride to your job was pretty much the same, no words were exchanged. All you could do was ball your fists on your lap to keep you from shaking. By the time you reached your destination, your hands were sore, mind completely void of any thoughts.
You opened the door and looked back to Grace. She looked back to you, a saddening concern drawn on her muzzle.
You wanted to say something…
…but you simply shut the door.
_ You don't deserve her. _
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Pt.15 – Workplace Hazard
You took your time, placing one foot in front of the other, to the “TailEx Logistics" employee entrance: the company that specialized in delivering postage and packages, of all shapes and sizes. You had worked here since you turned 18, only realizing that it's been three years of back-breaking labor inside this place. It wasn't always hard, just more-so these days with how your personal life was going. Maybe you could find a way to forget it all and bury yourself in some work… It sometimes helped.
Another co-worker was rushing to the door, swiping their card on the reader next to the door and opening it with a hefty pull. They looked behind to see you weren't too far away and gestured for you to hurry up. Both your legs didn't want to comply, so it played out like a half-assed jog. When you finally got there, your body returned back to it's sluggish stride.
“Thanks." You manage to utter the phrase between pursed lips.
“Hey, no problem." The fiery voice replied before peeking back, concern taking their voice a notch or two down. “Whoa… You alright, Vin?"
In this moment, you removed your attention from the floor to whomever was speaking to you. It was Narumi, a 5'2" hare with a big heart and a curiosity that knew no bounds, but everyone just called him “Rumi," for short. He was always running a bit late but did good work, just like you – now, it didn't seem to matter.
“Wh-What happened, man? You're not even in your uniform."
“I just…" Your mind did it's best to think of some excuse, but it came out flat. “I just had a rough weekend."
“It looks like it…" The rabbit's concern trailed you up and down. His eyes jumped to every feature, looking over your face and trying to piece the puzzle. “You know you're gonna get a write-up for this."
“Yeah… I know." You said bluntly.
Both of you stood by the doorway, in silence: you were mostly waiting for Narumi to move out of the way so you could get to your station, even if you weren't making it on time, or in uniform. The hare just took the chance to mull over whatever details you told him, thinking to himself with a hum here and there. You finally decided to ignore him, opting to gently push him aside as you squeezed through the doorway. Then, he spoke.
“You can't work like this, man," he grabbed your wrist, pulling you in the opposite direction, trying to lead you somewhere else, “I just can't let you."
“I'm fine, Rumi-"
“No you're not, dude! I'm not gonna watch you get hurt. This job ain't worth it!"
You wanted to protest but his grip on you was strong enough to convince you otherwise. Narumi was a natural hard worker, despite his size or how young he was, earning a lot of respect from the older folk in the plant. That, and when he went with his gut feeling, it was almost impossible to stop him.
Eventually, you were led to the main office. The floor supervisor today was, yet again, Cheryl, a 5'10" spotted leopard with a penchant for having a split-personality. As long as production was going well, she embodied the spirit of a gentle soul. When it wasn't… well, work would quickly change from a good day to a bad day. She must've had a lot of call-ins, being buried in the computer to hear the both of you walk in. Even if she was always up to something important, she didn't expect the sight before her.
“Oh- Vincent! Are you alright?" Her face immediately rose up from her desk.
Damn, you must've really looked like shit for this many people to care.
Rumi answered for you, regardless of what you were planning on saying, “He was walking inside and- He said something happened to him during the weekend and I- I just don't think he can work around the forklifts and everything. I don't want to see him get hurt."
“Is this true?" Cheryl spoke, directing all attention on you.
Your eyes seemed to wander around the room, looking for an answer between the reports and binders that lined the room's bookshelves. The only strength you found was in an improper shrug, followed by tired stares at your boss.
Her expression went straight from interest to disbelief, then back to her normal self. You didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, seeing as she whipped out a book from inside her desk and started writing down notes. It looked similar to an attendance log but you weren't sure between the mix of yellow and white papers that littered the unorganized thing.
“Alright. You can go home." She waved her hand to signal your leave, “I'll be giving you a call later to verify some details."
You nodded your head, turning towards the door before reality struck again.
“I- I don't have my car."
She re-focused her eyes onto the both of you, you specifically. Before she was about to speak, Rumi pitched in.
“I can take him!" The room was silent, if for a moment. “I kind-of know where he lives. It's less than 20 minutes away."
Cheryl must have been pondering it for some time, as if the two of you were working on some kind of deal. “Fair enough. But I expect you to be back, Narumi. You'll be compensated for the mileage."
A sigh left her breath before investing her attention back into her computer, clicking away on a keyboard – looks like she really didn't have time for it. You didn't know if you should thank the hare or not since part of you was fine with walking the distance: it would have taken a couple hours but you'd be alone, which seemed better in your eyes.
Oh well…
Another silent ride, this time inside Rumi's less-than-ideal car with garbage strewn across the floor of the car, an assortment of fast food bags and energy drinks – it was a jalopy but it got the job done. Bumps and divots shook the car more than usual along the road, leading you to wonder if this car would even make it there in one piece. You remembered when he used to take his bike to work, a while ago, when he first started at TailEx. Now it only served as a memory, his new transportation providing him with much more free time on his hands, clearly by the numerous bits of trash you couldn't avoid stepping on.
Twenty minutes passed exactly and you both made it to your apartment. The car shuddered with a pause, parking itself in the cracked alleyway behind your apartment. Here we are again… This was the part where your hand made it's way to the belt buckle, barely touching the red button with your fingertips before you felt the press of a paw on your shoulder, stopping you dead in your tracks.
“Hey. Vin." His voice kept you from opening the car door. “You sure you don't wanna talk about it?"
You couldn't say anything: your eyes just drooped, sitting motionless as your attention was set on the belt buckle in that worn-down passenger seat. Narumi was feeling some way about this, you were sure, but you chose not to look directly at him – that would only make his suspicions worse, knowing how bad it really was.
“You don't have to tell me, but… these last few months. I know you always say you're okay…"
Don't drag it out of me. Please.
He stopped himself, taking his paw off your shoulder in reluctance, “Just… look into getting some help, man. Take care."
Your only response was a low hum, clicking the belt buckle and releasing you from your confines. The car door creaked as you stepped out, giving it a firm shut as the engine sputtered back to life. Narumi waved… but you just stood, watching the busted machine drive off, leaving you in the empty alleyway to your own thoughts.