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Stolas's talons clacked against the tile floor of the sitting room as he paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. He hugged his arms close to his chest as he pondered his encounter with Harper.

"Why take such an interest in a small, amateur assassination business?" he wondered aloud, "There are only two reasons I can think of, and neither are good. No doubt Harper must want access to the living world. That alone is a can of worms, but..."

The owl demon dug into his pocket and took out his phone. He swiped to a recent selfie he had taken of himself sitting up in bed with a triumphant smile on his face. In the background, the imp of his desires huddled on the far edge of the bed, his back to the camera. Stolas smiled warmly. It was one of his favorite pictures.

The Prince of Hell's smile faded as he pocketed his phone. "If Harper has come for my Blitzy, I have far a far greater problem on my hands. Prying a business away from me for personal gain I can understand. But to take my lover away? That's personal."

"I thought you said Harper had brought flowers for Loona?" asked Octavia. She was propped up on the couch with her feet on the ornate ebony coffee table, face and thumbs buried in her phone. Stolas spared her a glance and shook his head in bemusement. Children these days and their fancy toys!

"That's what he said, but he was lying through his teeth," groused Stolas. "He might be able to spin a tall tale on the fly, but his accomplice in that little farce couldn't sell it." He spun dramatically on his heel and made another pass in front of the hearth. "No, he was making a very clear statement. He has his eyes on Blitzø."

"Mmm," Octavia murmured, "Well I don't see why you have to make such a big deal out of it. Isn't it more funny than a threat? Your archenemy has a crush on your fuckbuddy."

Stolas whipped around to glare at his daughter, though his scowl quickly softened. "Oh, my dear sweet Via," he said as he made his way over to the couch. "It's far more complicated than that."

"I don't see what's so complicated about your creepy flirting and bringing him over for a monthly shag. Sounds like a friends with benefits arrangement to me. Speaking of which, you do know everyone can see what you post on Voxtagram, right?"

"Via, for the last time, I would delete some of my more, ah, heated exchanges with my Blitzy if I could figure out how to delete them. Ah well, at least I know how to use those delightful 'DMs' to send him the really titillating messages."

"Ew. Dad. Stop," Octavia grunted as she hunched her shoulders and pressed her phone closer to her face.

Stolas took a seat next to his daughter and cradled his chin in his hands, elbows propped on his knees. "It's just...I love him dearly, but I don't think he even realizes how I feel."

"Could've fooled me," his owlet said flatly. Stolas was on a roll, and he didn't notice.

"Then along comes that uppity, lowborn prick who has been a thorn in my side for decades before you were even hatched, and he seeks to steal him from me! And what's worse," he buried his face in his palms, "I think it's working. Oh Via, I don't know what to do!"

He heard Octavia sigh, followed by a clack as she set her phone down on the coffee table. He looked over as she scooted in closer to him.

"I'm probably going to regret this," she muttered before looking up at her father. "Alright Dad, let's walk through it together. You're in love with Blitzø, right?"

"That's right," Stolas said with a determined nod.

"And have you at any point told him that you love him?" she continued.

The owl demon reared his head back with a scoff. "Really now! Of course I have told him, on a number of occasions."

His daughter held up her hand. "Have you ever literally said the words 'I love you, Blitzø,' in a complete sentence? Weird flirting doesn't count. Complimenting his body doesn't count. Unsolicited dick pics definitely don't count."

Stolas sat back and thought for a moment. "Well, I'm certain I must've told him at some point. There was one time where I said that I loved his - no, that was complimenting his body. But there was that time when I said I absolutely adored - wait, that was a comment on his sexual prowess," he fell silent as he wracked his brain for more. Guilt and worry quickly welled up in him as his vast photographic memory turned up nothing. "Oh dear. I don't think I've ever said that I love him in earnest. Though I have said that I love how his great, big, red-"

"Dad. DAD. I know what you mean!" Octavia quickly cut him off.

Stolas quickly shook his head. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I think my mind went someplace."

"Understatement of the day," Octavia grumbled. "Moving on. Have you and Blitzø ever done stuff together outside of work that wasn't him coming over for sex?"

"There was that time I took you to Loo Loo Land!" Stolas said with a note of hopefulness.

Octavia sighed again. "Sorry Dad. I'd count that as work. You were paying him to be there. Even if you weren't, the whole time he was really concerned that you were going to try to fuck him, and I thought you actually might do it." She paused to think for a moment. "Do you know anything about what he likes and dislikes outside of the bedroom and his job?"

"Well..." Stolas drew it out as he struggled to think. Dammit Stolas, you have to know something about your Blitzy! He lit up as something came to him. "He likes horses!" he proudly declared.

The owlet shared his enthusiastic smile. "There you go! Now we have something to work with! Have you ever done anything with him even remotely horse-related?" Her face paled as soon as the words left her mouth. "Actually, don't answer that."

"Yes, it's probably best I don't," Stolas said while rubbing the back of his neck. Guilty (but pleasurable) memories bubbled up to the surface of his mind.

"Alright, one more question," said Octavia as she settled back more in her seat, "Have you ever hugged or kissed him? Outside of shagging, have you ever been affectionate with him?"

"Well, I do sometimes preen his horns afterwards," Stolas said, "But I'm afraid Blitzy has established he does not want to be kissed. He always tenses up when I try to hug him too."

Octavia scooted to the side so she was sitting crosslegged and facing Stolas. Her expression was stern, but thoughtful. "Okay, first of all it's really fucking weird that a 17-year old is giving her own father relationship advice."

"A fair point," the Prince of Hell acknowledged, a blush filling out his cheeks.

"Second," she continued, "it's painfully obvious Blitzø sees this more as a business or friend with benefits arrangement, and you're cutting the 'friend' part out of it altogether. Have you never been in love before?" When Stolas looked away from her, she reached out to grasp his arm. "Dad, much as it hurts, I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact you and Mum never loved each other. It's one of those bullshit nobility things, right?" A second wave of guilt and shame crashed over him as he nodded. Octavia asked him again, "Have you never been in love before?"

It was hard to speak with the lump in his throat. All four of his fiery red eyes blinked back the tears of embarrassment threatening to well up. "I don't know," he finally admitted.

Before he could dwell too much on it, Octavia crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around him. Her head sank into the thick feathery floof on his chest. "If you really want a serious relationship with Blitzø, I know you can do it," she said as Stolas reflexively returned the hug. She became serious again as she pulled back. "But! You're gonna have to work for it."

"And that's just the problem," said Stolas, "How do I tell my Blitzy how I really feel? I want to tell him I want more than a simple 'agreement.'"

Octavia smiled encouragingly. "I'm not exactly experienced where dating is concerned, but there are some obvious things," she said. "You just need to say that you love him and want a relationship with him, just without getting really horny about it."

The Prince of Hell brightened. "That sounds simple enough!" he said.

"Exactly! Now, how do you old-fashioned snobs usually do this?" Octavia continued, "Hmm...oh! What if you wrote Blitzø a love letter?"

"A brilliant idea!" Stolas chirped. He pulled his daughter into another soft hug. "I'm so proud of you, my little starfire. You take after your mother in all the best ways."

"Uh, thanks?" Octavia said as Stolas stood up and fixed his cape.

"But enough talk! I have a letter to write," the Goetic demon declared. With his usual flourish, he swung about face and strode out of the room.

Once she was sure her father was gone, Octavia picked her phone back up and went back to browsing. "Should probably send Loona a heads-up," she mused, "This could get messy."

---

Within the hour, Stolas was seated in his study. A tarnished, dusty mechanical typewriter sat on his desk. It was a miracle that he had been able to find it, and that it still worked after so many years in storage.

The owl demon plucked a fresh sheet of paper from the stack sitting beside the typewriter and advanced it into place. For the next several minutes, his fingers hovered over the keys. Where would he start? How would he start?

"Come on, Stolas old boy," he willed himself, "Just start writing. Tell that beautiful imp how you really feel!" He squinted at the blank page for another moment, then gasped.

"Of course!" he said as he began to type. He spoke each word aloud as he completed it.

"To...my...darling...big...dicked...Blitzy..." he mumbled. Then he froze. "Damnation!" he growled, then ripped the sheet free and replaced it with a fresh one. Stolas took a deep breath, then tried again.

"To...my...dearest...Blitzy..." he wrote. "There! Good start. Now what's next? Ah!" He forged onward.

We have known each other for so long, and yet I never took the time to tell you how I truly feel about you. You always take my breath away when you slip that big, throbbing cock out of your pants and-

Stolas's fist came down on his desk in irritation. Again, he pulled the paper from the typewriter and set it aside. "Third time's the charm!" he chirped, then tried again.

To my dearest Blitzy,

We have known each other for years, but not once have I expressed my true feelings for you. They run deeper than our normal arrangement, and I want for us to be so much more. How I long for your company, my handsome imp. It makes me want to ram your slimy red dick down my throat far enough to swallow your balls, sit on your face until you go purple while you polish my asshole, all before you throw me over the sofa and fuck my ass raw like the dirty cum-guzzling slut I-

Stolas was jolted out of his lustful haze by a pounding on the study door. "Dad! For fuck sake, I can hear you all the way down the hall!" Octavia shouted from the other side, "Keep it down before Mum hears you!"

The Prince of Hell blinked, then looked down at the filth he'd just committed to writing. It was then he noticed he had been typing with one hand. The other was firmly gripping the tent in his pants, around which a large wet stain was rapidly spreading. So it would seem he just came in his pants. Lovely.

Stolas sighed and pulled the third paper out of the typewriter. This one he crumpled up and threw in the wastebasket. Right, he would go clean himself up, and then try again from the top. "Stella is right," he grumbled as he headed for the bathroom, "I am a goddamn embarrassment."