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I'm a busy Internist. I have a nice practice going now. My Med School mentor is practicing with me, Dr Horst Grumer. He's a Grizzly who was born in Munich, and he's a great Doctor. He's great with patients. Wise, caring, good with calming and easing the fears and concerns of our patients. He probably has forgotten more about Internal Medicine than I'll even know. The public Horst is kindly but reserved. The private Horst is fun, playful, very sexual and a great top. And his laugh is so sexy and joyous. He's very highly thought of in the Medical community here having helped train so many Sacramento Physicians. I'm very lucky he and Rory and I got so close in Med School. By the time we graduated he had been outed. (Not because of Rory and I, nor Nigel. It was a radical gay student group that did it. Private natured Horst was devastated when they put it in their Student newspaper. It was all over campus within a few hours) And he was happy to accept our invitation to come and practice with us.

My best friend, Dr Nigel Davenport, an English Honey Badger is also with us. I met Nige in Med School and it was like we'd known each other all of our lives. He lives with me now. He and Horst bonded and they're a happy couple. Horst is a bit bigger. Horst is 6'5" and 260 pounds, and Nigel is 5'9" and 165 pounds. Horst has thick and sleek Chocolate Brown fur with a tan muzzle. He has soft Brown eyes and he's fairly quiet in public. But warm and funny, charming and passionate in private. Horst is an amazing lover. A big dicked Grizzly Bear, gently dominant and very skilled.

Nigel is the typical Honey Badger. Black fur, two White stripes on his face, and a very interesting looking Honey Tan wide stripe down his back and his tail. Nige has Bright Green eyes and is a classic pretty boy type. Nigel has frequently been stopped by strangers and told how handsome he is. He's not swayed by it, but don't we all love to hear that. I do. And I get it too. Never quite believe it though.

Me, I'm Dr Claude Micheal Kitman II. And I'm a twin. My brother Dr Rory Micheal Kitman, is older than me by a whole six minutes. We're 23 now, we're 6'4" and 225 pounds. And we're not totally identical. Rory's mane is a touch Darker than mine. We both have the same Golden Tan fur. And our manes are a Dark Caramel Brown color. We have Sapphire Blue eyes. Big forepaws and foot paws. Rory's tail is a bit thicker and longer than mine. We're stockily built and we both work out. Rory's muscular definition is more buff than mine. Rory's also calmer and more easy going than I am. I am way more emotional most times. One more difference. I have....I was born with a limp.

Mom died giving birth to us. Rory's birth was uneventful and 'normal'. I was born literally dying. Mom had a stroke trying to push me out and I had a couple of her clots in me as well. Cutting off blood flow to my lungs and a small one that damaged my left foot/leg. It's why even now I limp a bit. They worked on me desperately after I was born and I did survive. Dad wouldn't even see us. He was too heart broken to lose Mom that way. He'd had her as his wife for less than 2 years. And he gave us to his younger brother, Marcus Allen Kitman. Uncle Marcus and his mate, Al Jenkins wanted kids, and they were thrilled to take us.

Marcus was horrified when Dad told him he was going to kill us both if Marcus and Al didn't take us to raise. He told Marcus he'd strangle us in our cribs. Al and Marcus were always very loving to their twin Lion sons. Al, being a lawyer insisted on adopting us as soon as they had possession of us and they did. We were already Kitmans so it was easy for them. And our biological father, Jim Kitman signed all the forms giving us over to them both without delay. But they both are officially our legal parents. We never knew our biological Dad and we didn't care to. Al and Marcus explained it all to us. I think at times we were just too young to grasp it all. Our biological father wanted to kill us for, in his mind, us killing his wife. Or me, more specifically. I've seen his picture in the media though. We would recognize him if we saw him. As unlikely as that might be.(He even came before the official viewing when Grandpa Kitman died so he wouldn't be confronted with us.)(Dad was furious that Grandpa Kitman came to see us often, he loved his Grandsons, and he'd come spend time with us when he could. He was proud that Marcus named me after him too.)

As an adult, I've seen Jim Kitman once. By accident. He looked at me for a long time. Like he was trying to remember me. I was called in to see a patient, who turned out to be his newest wife.(His fifth, his marriages never lasted long, he thought Mom was his predestined life mate, another thing he hated me for, for taking her away from him.) And he never acted like he recognized me. But I got another Doctor to take care of her anyway.

I had to leave. He either split off ever having sons or he hated us so much he wouldn't recognize me. He had to of though. I looked so much like him. And one of the nurses referred to me as Dr Kitman right in front of him. (I was amazed at how much we looked alike, he looks a tiny bit more like Rory though, he's got the darker mane and longer tail that Rory has.)

But it was proof even after all of this time he wanted nothing to do with the Lions he fathered and that his wife died bringing into the world.. I had been neutral about him, but I hated him after that. I wish I wasn't his son. I do consider myself Marcus and Al's son. But biologically, as much as I wish I'd been fathered by Marcus, I've got James Thomas Kitman's genes in me. Though at his age, he's a handsome Lion still. Nice to know we'll still look good when we're older. At least he gave us that. But Hell Marcus is an amazingly hot Lion still and he's 44 now. (Marcus and our biological father do look a little bit alike, more so than just that they both are African Lions. He doesn't have Dad's striking Sapphire Blue eyes like we do. Marcus has Grandpa Kitman's striking Dark Amber eyes.)

Our Maternal Grandparents never came to see us either. Al tried to contact them. But Grandpa Russell told him they didn't want to see us, and to please not contact them again. So we haven't. But our Paternal Grandfather, Grandpa Kitman adored us. He spent as much time with us as he could. Despite being the CEO and owner of CMK Industries. A large conglomerate making damn near all kinds of consumer products. I am proud to carry his name, Marcus named me after him. Rory is named after Grandpa's brother who died young. . Grandpa made sure we'd always have money of our own. He gave us each $400 Million when we hit 12, and when he died he left us much more. He loved his youngest son a lot too. He and Marcus had a great relationship. Despite that, he left CMK to Jim Kitman, our biological father. Marcus didn't really want to be in charge of CMK, he'd resigned to stay home and take care of his beloved adopted sons.(He couldn't stand being around his brother any more either.). Marcus had money his Dad had given him , and he was content to raise his sons and make a home for his Al. His English retainer, Edward Featherstone was like a father to us as well.

Edward is a big Red Fox. He's reserved, and very proper, but he loved us so much. He would spend a lot of time with us and I know Edward is responsible in a big part for Rory and I being the Lions we are today. Not to say Papa Al and Papa Marcus didn't do their share. But my brother and I grew up very loved, and with all of the advantages you can have. Papa Al was determined to not let us grow up to be spoiled rich cubs. He and Edward made sure to instill proper values in us. To always act in a manner to deserve the gifts we had. To do for those who can't do for themselves. And to help those less fortunate than us. He also managed our money for us. We had access but we usually had to clear it through him and Papa Marcus. Til we hit 16 and we were both in College already.

No surprise Rory and I both ended up as Physicians. We whipped through High School, Pre Med, Med school and our Residency by age 20. Rory's a Cardiologist and I'm an Internist. Our Papas are so proud of us both. As is Edward. Our last birthday was the 25th anniversary of his being in service to our family. And Rory and I gave him an expensive Diamond Ring and round trip business class tickets to go home to see his family in England. He cried so when we did. And when we told him we knew we would not be the Lions we are now without his love and wisdom and caring. He cried more. But he knows it's true. (Edward spent a month at home in England with his family. It wasn't easy to cope but we managed. And his happiness when he came home and told us all about it, made it all worth while. He was so happy, and we love him so much.)

So now that you know who we are, and how we got to where we are now, it's time to move forward. . Rory and I are mostly happy. Our birthday is coming up in a few days. Our parents and Edward always try to make our birthdays special for us. Rory and I return the favor. We throw a party for Al and Marcus on the date of the day they took us in and adopted us. We have since we were both ten. We'll be 24 years old this year.. My practice is been really busy for the last few days. And I'm getting kind of fatigued. And my rugged love life has worn me down too. But we'll get there soon enough.

We have our party. Al and Marcus give us both rings. Sapphire and Diamond rings in a Platinum setting. (Turns out I won't have mine for long.) The Sapphires match our eyes and they are impressive. Nigel and Horst decide to go out and since Rory has a date, I decide to go with them. We go to a local gay bar. The Bear Den, owned by a big, sexy Grizzly Bear named Teddy Mitchell. I've slept with him. Hell, I'd of bonded him if I could have. (God only knows how hard I tried to.) He's big, 7' and 320 pounds of Dark Chocolate Brown furred Ursine muscle. And he's a top, and a damned good one. He's happy to see us, and he kisses me and wishes me a happy birthday. He's sad too that we didn't bond, but he cares about me. Teddy spends some time whispering to Nigel. And I wonder what it's all about. Horst and I sit at a table and I watch everyone. I love watching animals at the bar. It's a warm summer night and the bar is crowded. The patio is open and there are a lot of guys milling around. Lot to look at, hot guys of all species. And then my eyes fall on someone special.

There is a Red Kangaroo playing pool with a friend and he catches my eye. He smiles warmly at me and makes full eye contact with me. He's gorgeous. He's as big as me. 6'4" and maybe 235 pounds. He has huge foot paws, bigger than mine even. And his fore paws are big too. He has the long, thick tail of the average Roo. His fur is a Brick Red tinged with Brown. His eyes are a bright Green and they almost seem to shine. His hair is Red Brown and short, and he's got a thin goatee and mustache.. He's wearing a Jade Green beret type cap that matches the shirt he's wearing. It really sets off his fur and eyes well. And his jeans are tight. He's got a gorgeous, muscular ass too. His long ears are in almost constant motion, and they're very expressive. He's got a very expressive face as well. And he looks to be rather seriously packing by the way those jeans are bulging out at the crotch. He's hot. I can hear him talk at times. And he's got a sexy Australian accent. His friend calls him Paulie. He smiles at me and makes eye contact and I can feel my tail start to thrash. And he goes back to his game of pool. Usually, I'd of wandered over there and tried to subtly see if he really was interested or just flirting with me. But I don't get the chance to. (He was interested enough to go ask Teddy about me, thinking we could hook up later on.)

Nigel sits with us. "He's a hot Roo alright" Nigel says following my gaze. "Teddy says he's not wanting to settle down, he's kind of dedicated to his work right now" Nigel says. "If you want to just play and not get serious, Teddy says he's got a reputation as a really good top" Nigel says. "I could use a hot top" I say quietly. Nigel smiles and Horst laughs quietly. "Mein Claude, I think you will care too much for him, you've been staring at him, Liebchen, don't try for him, you will only get hurt again" Horst says and he takes a swig of his beer. I nod.

Horst was my mentor in Med School and he does know me well. He's heard Nigel and I talk about it when my heart's been broken. Happens way more than anyone would think. I'm rich, and told I'm extremely good looking, but I've had no luck even just dating. Guys will get close to me and if we hit it off, and even just date a while, invariably they'll meet someone else and bond, and I'm left crying and all alone. Horst is right, I think I would fall for this big Red Roo. (I can't admit it, not even to myself, but I have already. The way he moves, his easy, charming smile, that muscular, but slightly softening body. Those impressive Green eyes. I'm in love alright. But I just refuse to see it.)

I sit and I look around a bit more. The Roo and his friend aren't at the pool table anymore. I sigh. Maybe it's all for the best. I don't see them anywhere else either. We sit and talk about the busy week we've had and I try to let go and relax. But I feel stung by Horst's words, true they might be, but they hurt. And I hate being lectured to like I was a little cub again. I'm 24 now.

Rory wanders in and I'm a bit surprised to see him. "Claude" he says leaning down and kissing me. "I thought you had a date?" I ask. "I did, and we bonded and I wanted you to meet him before I took him home to meet Papa Al and Papa Marcus" Rory says. "How'd you know where I was?" I ask. "Edward" Rory says. "So who and where is he?" I ask. Rory smiles. And he walks off and he comes back with a small Red Fox. He looks like Edward in miniature. Edward is 6'2" and this Fox is 5'9" and thin. "This is my Jeff Marks" Rory says proudly. Jeff looks embarrassed now. He's not a bad looking Fox. The usual Brick Red fur with White accents in different places, and he has Deep Blue eyes.

I put my paw out to him. "Welcome to the family, Jeff" I say heartily. Jeff looks a bit calmer now. "I was afraid, I'm just a poor Reference Librarian, and he fell for me, it was a blind date, I didn't know until I met him he was a Kitman" Jeff says almost shaking. I hug him. "Relax Jeff, we're just folks, we have money true, but I can see how much you love Rory in your eyes when you calm down" I say softly. Jeff is trying to calm down.

Rory tells me how it happened. He felt so much when he first saw Jeff and he took a chance between courses and leaned across the table and kissed his Fox. Jeff fainted right off and woke up scared. He was scared we wouldn't accept him. I smile.

"We're not like that, Jeff, I think you'll be great for Rory, no one knows him better than I do, and I can see how much he loves you" I say smiling. "Papa Al and Papa Marcus will love you once they see how much you love each other" I tell him. "I'd heard about your childhood, and how you ended up as your Uncle's adopted sons" Jeff says. I smile. "Life can be odd, but it's also good, I know Rory will love you and do his damnedest to keep his Fox happy" I say smiling. Rory kisses me and takes his Fox and they leave. I guess he's going to take him home to meet Al and Marcus. Rory usually just plays the field. Fucking guys he thinks are hot and not caring about settling down. And Boom, he runs into his mate almost by accident. Life seems so unfair at times. His life has always gone along easier than mine. Not upset by it, I'm happy for him. I do love Rory so much. But he seems to glide through life so easily. SIGH.....(He's upset that my life has been so much harder than his, never told me but talked a lot about it to Al and Marcus.)

I walk over to the bar. Teddy comes up to me and I get a Diet Coke. "Paulie asked me about you, he saw you were watching him" Teddy says. "Oh did he?" I ask trying to sound nonchalant. "He wondered if you might be interested in him" Teddy says smiling. "Well, if he wanted to know why didn't he come over and ask me?" I ask. "He was with Tommy, a guy he plays with, he's kind of work oriented and he and Tommy get together and fuck, kind of a stress release" Teddy says. "I see" I say. I don't but I'm not going to admit to the fact that I'm annoyed. If he was interested then he should have come to me, not Teddy. And he's only wanting a fuck buddy I guess. Not sure why that bugs me but it does. "Tommy got mad at him and insisted Paulie take him home, not sure why" Teddy says looking into my eyes.(Teddy knows damned well why. Teddy has a way of knowing what all goes on here. He heard them fighting. Tommy thought Paulie had fallen for me, and he's been going out with Paulie, playing yet hoping one day when Paulie was ready to settle down, he'd take Tommy. Teddy's afraid the same thing will happen to me if I date him.)

"Claude, he's got a good job and he's busy at work, he's a pharmaceutical researcher for Novartis and he's got a busy schedule and he's not looking to get serious with anyone quite yet" Teddy says softly. "And this would concern me how?" I ask archly. "Claude" Teddy says exasperatedly. "We all know how you are, I can see it in your eyes, you liked him a lot, you didn't even talk to him, but you want him" Teddy says. I blush. "If he even liked you a little bit, you'd be all out trying to bond him, and get your heart handed to you, yet again" Teddy says firmly. "And Rory's bonding that Fox put the idea of settling down in your head even more" Teddy says. I blush harder. 'You won't admit it but you know what you'd of done as well as I do" Teddy says firmly. I'm starting to get angry at Teddy, but he means well and even I can't argue that he's not right.

"Claude, you've been hurt so much, Hell, we both hurt that we didn't bond, Paulie would just break your heart, he'd be really hot for you, and he'd make you happy in bed if you could just settle for that, but you can't" Teddy says. "We all know you can't, you want to belong to someone so badly" Teddy says. "And what if you did hang out with Paulie, maybe fuck him, be available to fuck him when he had time, and then he was ready to settle down and ended up bonded to someone else?" Teddy asks. "It's possible" I say sadly. I cry. I'm sad and I'm getting angrier too. Never a good combination with me. (I'll usually run or I might pick a fight and start a bad argument with someone close to me.)

"Claude, I don't want to sound as mean as I probably do, but you know how you are, and I don't wanna see you keep getting hurt that way, guys date you and they find love, not you per se but someone else" Teddy says softly. I nod. I can't bring myself to speak. Teddy's right. And I know he cares about me. But I hate being lectured to like I'm a little cub again. I sit silently, and I wait a bit, until Teddy gets busy serving customers. And I get up and I walk out. I didn't drive, I came with Nigel and Horst, but I'll catch a bus, or call a cab or Hell maybe even walk home.

I had to get out of there. And I know Horst would agree with Teddy and scold me again. Anything is better than that. (I've made a decision that will change my life, not for the better at first, but it will make me finish growing up and become a full adult. I've always depended too much on others, and the ramifications of what's about to happen will make me a lot more self reliant. It'll come at a great cost, but I'll gain so much in the long run. And I'll get my life mate as a result. After a great deal of pain and growth.) (The therapist I'll see soon will tell me I willfully ignored all of the signs of my own childish and self destructive behavior, and only something as traumatic as what happens to me could break through.)

Some birthday this has turned out to be. (What was that old cliche, 'And then it got worse'?) I keep walking and I'm trying to walk fast so I can get home quickly. But I don't really know this area at all. I end up making a major mistake. There are a lot of small to medium parks here in Sacramento. Just little Urban Oasis type parks. I have driven through this one and I know it'd cut a couple of miles off of my walk. But it's different when you're on foot paws.

I walk into the dark, poorly lit park. Later, I can only mark it down to being naive about some of the seamier parts of life. But my life will never be the same again by choosing to come through this little park at night. And even more ironic, it's the wrong way. Even if nothing happened to me, I'd of gotten lost somewhere. I was going North when I should have gone South South West. (Did I ever mention how much I hate irony when it is happening to me?)

I'm about, I figure, half way through this little park. And I pass three big guys. I keep walking faster. I won't make eye contact with them. But I can hear them following me. Two pairs of hooves and a pair of big foot paws on the sidewalk. They're not trying to hide their steps. I'm walking as fast as I can, but I know better than to try to run, they'll run me down. Since my leg was damaged I can't run or at least not very fast. I can only hope to keep going and maybe get out of the park or wave down a car. No such luck, they know this park better than I do. Like most Lions I depend too much on being able to see in the dark in a situation like this. If someone else can or they know their way around the dark space we have no advantage being able to see.

I get grabbed as we walk through one of the darker areas of the park. I'm being held from behind rather tightly with a big hand holding my muzzle shut.. I can see them now, two big Bulls and a huge Grizzly Bear. "He must be an idiot" the Bear growls. And he yanks my wallet out of my pants. "He's a rich idiot too, he's got a shit load of cash and a lot of credit cards here" I hear a Spanish accented voice say. "Hey, he's a Doctor his license says" another Spanish accented voice says. "Call Ramon, he won't want to miss this" the Bull holding me says. The Grizzly walks off and I can hear him talking but I don't understand Spanish. Good thing too, cause if I knew what they were saying I'd be even more terrified. "Expensive ring" the Bull holding me says and the other Bull yanks it off of my finger. "Should bring plenty if we pawn it" he says laughing. I"m angry, I just got that ring from my Dads. But I can't move at all from how tightly this Bull is hanging on to me.

"Nice suit" the Bear says. "Take it off of him carefully, it'd fit my Dad, and I'll give it to him, Kitty here won't need it when we're done with him." he says grinning and they drag me back into the greenbelt a bit, so we won't be seen. And I'm really scared now. They're going to kill me when they're done with me? And what will they do to me before they kill me? I'm not sure I want to know, but I know I'm about to find out.

I'm beginning to understand what's about to happen. They've robbed me and it's time to get to the second part of the evening. The Bull holding me is rubbing his big package against my ass at intervals, so I know I'm going to be gang raped. Only questions are how many and how hard? And will they feel they have to kill me when they're done with me? The other Bull undresses me slowly and the Bear folds my expensive suit up carefully. They rip my underwear off when the suit is off of me. The second Bull pulls out a roll of duct tape. And they tape my arms together tightly. And they tape my legs just enough so I can't run. They can spread my legs as wide as they want to, to get in me but I can't move my legs enough to run.

I holler and beg for help. "Bitch, no" the Bull who was holding me earlier yells. "Break his jaw, we'll just have to settle for his ass" the Bear says. And the Bull snaps my jaw at the back on the right side. I whimper from the pain of it. I try to get to my feet. "He's fighting still" the Bear says. "He just ain't hurting enough yet" I hear. And the Bulls break both of my ankles. I weep hard from the pain. God knows what else they'll do to me. I have to let go and let them do what they want now. "You ain't going nowhere, mijo, just relax and if you behave we won't kill you, just cripple you and ruin your ass, you gave us lots of money and we can sell the credit cards" he says. "We're gonna take your ass hard and for a long time, once Ramon gets here, you'll like Ramon, he's a big dicked Ram and he'll make sure you never forget him" the Bear says. I try to reach for my pants. I can get my cell and call 911, the automated signal will let them know it's me, but they won't know where I am. Damn.

I lay on the grass and I cry. "Good, just give up, and we won't hurt you anymore than we have to" one of the Bulls says. I nod. I lay on the grass and I go limp. My only chance of surviving this is to let them do what they want to with me. I'm so scared now, and I pray that they won't kill me. My fate is totally out of my paws now. It's in theirs. I turn my face away from them. "He ain't even trying to look at us, bitch knows not to try to identify us" the Bear snorts. I know I can ID them already, they made me mad enough that I'll never forget those faces. "Good, then we ain't got to kill this one" the bigger Bull says smiling. I whimper. "Bitch, it gets old, how do we kill ya, where to dump the body, too much hassle to do less we got to" he snorts. (Yet another irony, my life will be spared not because of anything except the inconvenience of figuring out how to kill me and to dispose of my body.)

"Can I take him or do we wait for Ramon, he's got a really cute ass?" the bigger Bull asks. "Nah, take him, you're not as big as Ramon but you're big enough' the Bear says. I get pulled onto my side. I growl to feel the big Bull shove his dry finger up my ass. "Tight little Lion" he grunts. "You won't be when we're done with you, you'll be lucky if you get to keep your ass ring intact" he growls. "I'm gonna enjoy ruining this cute little Feline ass" he murrs, as he lines his massive Bovine dick up to my ass ring. And I try to yowl as his massive Bovine dick slams up me to his big balls. And he's fucking me hard, and fast and mercilessly. I cry as it feels like he's ripping me in two. "He's a tight little pussy" the Bull grunts. He cums and his voluminous Bull cum load eases the soreness of my ass a bit. He bites my neck hard. "Guys or Girls won't take me willingly, I gotta make em, like I made you" he growls harshly. The Bear mounts me next and he's ramming me even harder. They're trying to hurt me as much as they can. And he nips my neck hard as he pounds that big Ursine dick in and out of me. And then when the second Bull is done with me. He pisses all over me. As if I wasn't humiliated enough. The first Bull takes me again. I can barely feel my ass ring stretch to take him. Have they torn me open already? Can you actually be fucked to death? I just try to make my mind go numb. No use. I'm struck by the fact that these guys are very masculine and sexy. And in the right circumstances I'd take them on and enjoy it. Not like this though.

"Started without me?" I hear a gruff voice say. I look up. And there is a huge Ram standing there. His butch face has a few scars and his crotch is bulging out. He's ruggedly handsome, I'd fuck him anyway given the chance, but I have no choices about anything now. He strips and he's got to be at least 24" in size. And he's hard as iron. Some dicks that big aren't really firm, but he is.

The Bull bellows and cums in me and rolls off of me. "Get him on his back" Ramon orders. And they do. And he slams up me like the first Bull did. I try to yowl and I cringe from the pain of both his hard entry and my broken jaw when I try to yowl. And he keeps fucking me hard and deep for what seems like an hour. He bites me anywhere he can reach and I can feel myself bleeding. When he cums they take turns in me. Hard and fast thrusting seems to be the order of the day for them in me. I can't feel my ass ring anymore and I know it's been torn. But they're so big that they'd get off on just being in my guts. I can't even tell if I'm bleeding from the massive amount of semen running out of me. And though they said they didn't think they'd kill me since I hadn't tried to memorize their faces, I still wonder if they'll kill me when they've had their fun. I am not looking at their faces as they fuck me. The contempt in their eyes for me made this so much worse, and I can't bear it. (While I can and do identify them, they're caught pawning my ring. Dead to rights with stolen property from a gang rape victim.. And my ring gets 'lost' while in police custody. So I never get it back. Marcus offers to buy me a new one. But it's a reminder of what happened and I don't want another one.)

I know I'm bleeding from the ass and I can't feel much when they push up me anymore. I am not surprised when they start punch fucking me. Punching and hitting me as they fuck. It goes on all night, and the longer it goes on the more they hit me..And the longer it takes them to cum in me. I hurt, my ass burns, and I can feel more pain from where they've hit me and I just want it over. I don't even care anymore if they kill me, I just want it to end. I'd beg them to kill me if I could speak. And then it just stops. I briefly wonder if I'm just dead now, as I've had my eyes closed for a while. I hear a brief discussion, and between keeping my eyes closed and not looking at them, they decide not to kill me. I'm not relieved surprisingly enough.

They're getting dressed and they all spit on me one by one, and they kick me in the side. "You're not worth killing, we got your money and we'll use your cards to drain the rest of your money, so better you live, knowing how we ruined your life, and that your ass has been thoroughly ruined too" one says. And my ultimate humiliation occurs. I see one flash a knife. And he cuts my tail tuft off. I moan as it hurts when he does. He got a bit of the skin on the end of my tail too. It will heal and the tail tuft will grow back eventually but it's the last straw and I feel like I'm about to pass out from the pain and blood loss. They're laughing hard and joking as they walk away from me. How could any animal possibly laugh knowing that they'd left me so battered, broken and humiliated? What kind of animals are they? I can still feel blood coming out of my guts onto the grass. Or is it just semen? I guess I should be comforted that as a male I don't have to worry about them having left me pregnant from a gang rape.

I feel so cold and I wonder if I'm going to die. I remember that it's a sign of sudden, massive traumatic blood loss. Will I die beaten and raped, violated and bleeding in a public park? Will my life end as tragically as it almost started? At least it would spare me the pain of others knowing how badly I've been violated, humiliated and just plain ruined. Then mercifully, I pass out from the pain and probably blood loss too.

I wake up hearing screams. A female jogger has found me. I try to beg for help but my broken jaw won't let me. My paws and foot paws are still bound with duct tape too. She calls 911 and though she is scared and overwhelmed she stays with me until the Police and the ambulance come for me. She's being kind and she's stroking my mane and talking softly to me. I can see her tears for me, and she's very concerned for me. And I can see fear too, is she like I am, worried that they are still around and might come back? (I get her name from the Police and I send her a thank you note and a $200,000 check for how much her simple kindness despite being so scared helped me. She's a single mom and is very grateful for the money) I write notes for the cops. They're worried about my money and my cards. I don't care. I know I have that life lock thing, and if anyone that isn't me tries to use them it won't work, and the police will be called. I don't even care about the $112,000 in cash I had on me, I always carry cash and it's not that much to lose. I pass out again in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

I wake up in the ER. And the staff is upset. They recognize me as a Staff Physician. And they call my home. I look at the clock. It's 10AM. I wonder if my family was worried about me. I hurt like hell. And my ass ring is still bleeding from their abuse of it.

I recognize the surgeon who walks into my room. "Dr Kitman, we have to operate very quickly, or I can't save your ass ring or your lower colon" he says. I sign the forms he hands me. "I have done this before, and I can repair it and the sphincters, but we have to go now" he says. I nod. My jaw is casted as are my legs and my chest is splinted. I must have broken ribs too. I am put out and I wake up hours later on my stomach. "Dr Kitman, it worked, you'll rest and stay on a low residue diet and be back to normal in a week or so.' Dr Wallace says softly. I shake his paw. I can't talk still. And I hurt badly. I have a Morphine PCA and I hit the button. I'm wondering where my family is. I ring for the nurse and I write a note. "They'll be here soon, Dr Kitman" she says. I nod. I doze off as the Morphine hits me.

I wake up in a bit. I look at the clock. I've been here well over 18 hours. I'm really getting upset. Where is everyone? I turn the TV on out of pure force of habit.. I shouldn't have, It made the news. I watch knowing how much my humiliation is now public. And I don't remember seeing cameras or a news team but they have film of me at the scene and being loaded onto the ambulance. I look God awful. Battered, bruised, bleeding heavily, with dried semen caked on my fur, and I feel nauseated looking at it. I turn the TV off and I ring for my nurse. I ask about my family. The unit clerk comes in. "Dr Kitman, we're trying to get them still, the ER clerk couldn't reach them and we've been trying all day" she says. Oh just fucking great. "Thank you" I write to her. I lay and I sulk a while. I count up the hours since I left the Bear Den. All sum total, I've been unaccounted for by most of my family for over 32 hours. I wish they had of killed me now, no one cares about me anymore, I'm ruined and my own family won't come to me.

I doze from lack of anything else to do. And I hope it'll keep me from getting angrier. I hear voices. Al and Marcus are arguing with a cop at the door. He's trying to explain to them what happened. And he wants to talk to them before he'll let them see me.

Nigel runs in around them. He hugs me. "Claude, what happened, where did you go last night?" he asks. I hand him the police report. "Casted your jaw shut?" he asks. I nod. "Where?" I write. "Where were we?" he asks. I nod. "Marcus and Al took us out this morning to celebrate Rory's bonding and we ended up helping his Jeff move in" Nigel says. "Even Edward went" he adds. I'm growling softly.

"Why are you on your stomach?" He asks. "They tore my ass ring from frequent forced rapes with their huge dicks, and I had plastic surgery to repair it" I write. "Why did no one miss me?" I write angrily. "We thought you'd gone off with someone to fuck" he says. "Have I ever done that without telling you first, Nige?"I write. "No, you haven't" he says softly. He strokes my mane gently. "I should have known, but why did you walk, if you had to leave why not ask us to take you home, we would have and come back if we wanted to" he says. "I was ashamed, Teddy lectured me like I was a cub and so did Horst" I write. Nigel nods. He knows how I am. I hate being treated like a cub. I can see the pain in his eyes. It's hard for him to see me like this. And I am afraid he feels responsible somehow.

"Where's Rory?" I write. "He and his Fox stayed home" Nigel says sadly. I know what it means. Rory and I will never be as close as we have always been. He's mated now, and the bond as twin brothers we've always shared has weakened. But in the long run, Nigel and I get even closer. But it hurts still. (Rory feels guilt. Twins we may be, but my life has been harder, from what happened to me when I was born to this rape. He feels guilt as his life has never be as troubled as mine. But damn it, he's my twin brother.)

The policeman walks up and introduces himself to me. And he tells me he has pictures and he wants me to identify the assailants if I can. I nod. He shows me a bunch of pictures and I pick out the four guys who gang raped me. "Damn, they're kind of hot" Nigel whispers. "I'd of gladly fucked them all if it hadn't of been forced" I write. "Dr Kitman, you're lucky, these guys have been known to kill their victims." he says. "I wanted to die before I passed out" I write. Marcus tries to talk to me but I'm still mad, and I turn my face away from him. "Claude, don't be like that" Al says sharply. I give him a look that would sizzle bacon

"It's been well over a day since I was last seen and you guys are just now coming to me" I write angrily. "We were out, Claude, we didn't know." Al says. I glare at him. "I was too, I was 'out' and on the operating table" I write. "He had surgery?" Marcus asks Nigel. "His ass ring and colon were torn and had to be repaired surgically" Nigel says softly.

I hit the PCA button again and I lay my head down and I go to sleep again. When I wake the room is dark and empty except for Marcus. Both of us being Lions we don't need a light on. He's sitting in the chair and he looks really upset. "I get that you're mad, you think we abandoned you" Marcus says and he breaks into tears. "My baby cub hates me now" he says crying. I take his paw. He looks at me. "It must have been awful, the cops caught them and they confessed, you were being raped by all four of them for seven hours they said" Marcus says quietly.

"And no one thought to look for me, I've always let someone know if I've gone off with someone, at the very least I'd of told Teddy" I write. Marcus nods. "Claude, I don't know what to say or do" Marcus says. "I don't either, I think I'll just give you the house, and move somewhere far away." I write. Marcus cries. "Don't please, don't run away from me, Baby cub' he says sobbing. I look at him. I feel bad for him, but I hurt and no one cared. But that doesn't give me the right to hurt him so much. "I want to get therapy, there is a friend of Horst's who might see me, A Dr Jonas White" I write. "It might help us all, Claude, I feel massive guilt, I was asleep and then partying with my family while you were being abused and then operated on, it'll take me a long time to forgive myself" he says. "You didn't know, and no matter how I hurt over it, I do forgive you, Papa Marcus, Papa Al too" I write. Marcus hugs me.

I said it, not sure I meant it, but I know Papa Marcus needed to hear it. He was hurting as bad as I was. Inside, I'm just a big ball of anger, rage and humiliation. I'm mad at the whole world now. The depths of my ruination and violation is public knowledge, my family didn't care to worry about where I was, and I am now ruined. My ass ring will heal, but what decent male would want me now. I wish they had of killed me, I understand at this moment the phrase 'fate worse than death'. Soiled and ruined is putting it mildly. That big Bull was right, they ruined me and my life. Small consolation to me that they were caught. The damage has been done to me, my life, and my ass.

The next couple of weeks are long ones. I can get off my stomach after three days. And I am in the ICU for two weeks. Dr Jonas White does come to see me. when Horst asks him to. He's a big soft spoken St Bernard, and an Englishman like Nigel and Edward. Edward has come to the hospital and apologized, he feels if he'd of stayed home like he usually does they'd of been notified and came sooner. I tell him I'm not mad at him. (And I wasn't, I know our Fox, he'd of seen it all happen, and that had to hurt, to know what would happen to me and be unable to help me or even tell me what was to come. Edward and I have always understood each other very well.)(He and Nigel are the only ones I am no longer angry at.)

Dr White comes to see me every day. It's hard doing therapy since I can't talk yet, but I have my tablet computer and I manage. We cover a lot, but I feel so terribly different inside. Soiled and unclean and convinced I've been ruined. No decent male will ever want me. And I've become terrified at the idea of having anal sex again. Jonas says it'll go away, I need to be with a caring, and gentle male and I'll get comfortable with it.

And I'm angry still at my family, well except for Edward and Nigel. I am determined to be more self sufficient now. Jonas and I talk about it at length. He thinks I'm still leaning on them too much, and that it's time to grow up. He's right. I do tell him about Rory and how different it all feels. But he's not a twin, he tries to understand how I feel about Rory's backing away from me. But he really can't. I'll have to sort that one out myself, or maybe with Edward. (Edward has a twin, his brother Alfred, and I have met him, he's in service to a family in San Francisco and has visited Edward at times) (I can't sleep with Edward, but I sure as Hell did with Alfred, and he's a damned amazing lover. That Fox turned my ass inside out. I saw stars when he knotted me. He was great and we fucked all weekend long. He's as warm and funny, and charming as Edward can be. )

I get released, and I go home. My jaw is fine again, and I'm annoyed as my Left ankle didn't heal properly. Between the damage to my left leg I suffered at birth and the ankle not healing properly I'm having to use a cane to walk. I hate it. I'm a cripple now, and I can't hide it anymore. (Edward gets me a very attractive cane. Hand carved fine Cherry wood with a silver handle and it makes it a bit easier for me to accept using it. Some things only the English know how to do really well. He'd ordered it for me from a craftsman in London he knew about. It shows how much my Fox understands the Lion he helped raise.)

Since I've been home I stay mostly in my room, except for meals, and I won't talk to anyone but Nigel and Edward. The rest mostly leave me alone after I went off on Horst for telling me I should get back on the saddle and go back to work. I hated getting so mad at him. He is right in a way, he meant well, and his being blunt about it is just the way my German born mentor is. But I can't go back. Hurts to think about it. All of our patients will know, and they'll either ignore it, be gushy or over sympathetic or ask rude questions. It's just how animals are when someone's been through an assault like I have had happen to me. Rape brings out the worst in almost all concerned. SIGH...And that's not the worst of it.

Everyone will know, and they'll know how badly I was violated, and humiliated. The humiliation will continue by how they'll react.. I can't cope with that. At least my tail tuft has started to grow back. I suppose it could have been worse. They could have cut off my mane. The police said they kept my intact tuft as a trophy. (The cops even wanted to know if I wanted it back. SIGH.)

The rape counselor Jonas sent me to helped a little. But she talked a lot about things that didn't apply to me My STD panel was negative and I can't get pregnant from all of that sperm left up me.. But she did acknowledge that male victims get treated worse than female ones do. That helped a bit, oddly enough. Male animals are scared as it brings up how they'd feel if it happened to them. Females aren't that much more sympathetic though. At least, Females see it as it is, nothing sexual about it at all, it's a power thing. The rapists proving they can do what they damned well please to you. And they're out to take your dignity and self respect from you as well. No wonder they were so pleased to debase a rich Physician like me.

At least I don't have to go to court. They all plead out when they knew I could identify them after all, and they were caught with my credit cards on them, and trying to pawn the Sapphire and Diamond ring my Papas gave me, so I don't have to bother. The police tell me the Bull who started the raping has been killed in prison, a knife fight or something like that. I wish I could say I felt any sadness for that. But I don't not really, except for their families.. (Such a tragic waste of their potential though, they were big males, and if their lives had been redirected some how they could have made something positive of themselves.)

My credit cards were dealt with once I sent an email to BOA and Life Lock. Canceled and reissued. Only lasting result is the physical and psychological damage and the $112,000 in cash. (I could have gotten that back too. But that Grizzly Bear gave it to his impoverished parents, who were going to use it to send their youngest son to College. They contacted me wanting to give it back. And when they told me what they had been going to do with it, I told them to keep it. And they did when they realized I was serious, and now the Bear's younger, more innocent Grizzly brother will get an education. He'll become a productive member of society and take care of their parents, and family. He sends me a graduation announcement and a letter of thanks in a couple of years. And I send him a letter back. Telling him I'm grateful for his hard work. That he made sure something good came out of it all.. Sometimes life balances out.) .Oh, and I guess my close relationship with my twin brother should be counted among the casualties as well.

I'm still seeing Jonas but it's not helping as much. I'm angry all of the time. Teddy comes to see me to apologize and I won't see him. I know I'll go off on him and it's not really his fault. He made me mad, but I shouldn't have gone off like that. I do understand that much. Jonas says it was all too much. Teddy and Horst treating me like a cub. Rory's bonding, everyone else being happy. Even seeing Jim Kitman. I was overwhelmed. Jonas is a bit proud of me though. He tells me that he's seen less trauma shatter some animals but I keep hanging on. I know why. Edward always stressed picking yourself up and moving forwards no matter what. And I always listen to my 'Fox father'.

And as he and I talk, I begin to see a pattern. I run when hurt or overwhelmed. I ran from the bar and right into the arms of disaster. And as we keep seeing each other, I see, with Jonas' help, that I have a self destructive streak a mile wide. It's why I try to bond guys fairly quickly. I want to hurt myself unconsciously. And we do get to the bottom of it. I feel guilt that my being born killed my Mom and ruined my Dad's life. Jonas points out that it's not my fault but it's understandable that I'd feel that way. And my running was not just to hurt myself. I couldn't tell Teddy and Horst I needed them to stop lecturing me and be more sympathetic to me. I knew they were right but I needed support not condemnation.

We work through it as best we can. But I know this is going to be a life long fight. Jonas tells me often how proud of me he is for taking on very painful things on and working hard to get to the root of them. I know I have changed a lot in such a very short time, I'm not the same relatively innocent, self destructive adult cub I was. I've got to be a grown up Lion now. Self sufficient and stronger of will. And I am working hard on it. Trying to grow up for good. I do however mourn for the innocence I lost, I know I had to grow up, but I miss the happier, more forgiving Lion I used to be. I brood a lot now, and I'm not as outgoing or friendly as I was. I don't trust very easily anymore. Even those I know I should trust. I'm bitter as Hell. I am grateful that I did survive, it could have very easily been worse. They might have killed me or crippled me worse physically.

And sadly, I haven't forgiven Rory or Uncle Marcus and Uncle Al. Nigel at least said he was sorry for not noticing I was gone and just assuming I'd gone off with someone. Horst too. Yet, Nigel has been amazing and he's been so supportive of me. He doesn't understand all of how I feel. And he admits it, and he comes to me and asks me how can he help me. And at the minimum listens to me when I need to talk it out. He helps me work things out. And he doesn't judge me and he won't let me be so down on myself when I get depressed over it. When I get into one of my 'poor pitiful me' moods, he'll get me out of it.

What really hurts though is Rory. He wouldn't come see me in the hospital and he avoids me here at home. He's not even answered any of my phone calls. I'd think he of all animals would be at my side. Nigel is, he doesn't understand how I feel or what I went through, but he's trying his best. I always thought my twin brother would understand me at least. Edward agrees that Rory feels guilt over my harder life, but we don't know what to do to get through to him. Thank God for Nigel though, he cares, and he's encouraging me to stand on my own foot paws.