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Garrus's Pre-Sex Education

For bbbuuu

By Draconicon

"So, obviously healthy. No residual infections. At least, nothing transmissible."

"I'd like to think that I take good care of myself."

"...Joking, of course. Turian sense of humor. Hard to translate."

Garrus rolled his eyes as much as a Turian could at Mordin's reaction. Of course, it wasn't a joke. Whether he'd been on the Citadel, on Omega, or anywhere else in Citadel space, he had always tried to keep himself in peak physical condition. The whole point in being someone that enforced the law and kept others safe was to make sure that you were in better shape than the ones that broke the law.

Sure, there had been those few times that he'd been a little...indiscreet on Omega, but that had been treated at the clinic. Or, so he'd thought.

"But there's nothing that the Commander needs to worry about, hmm?" he asked, his mandibles clicking softly.

"Oh. Nothing that can transmit to humans. Merely a couple viruses. Interesting ones, though. What happened?"

"Oh, nothing major. Just a Krogan female that thought she could get lucky."

The face that Mordin made was almost enough to make up for the misunderstanding earlier. He chuckled, shaking his head slowly.

"Is there anything else, doctor?"

"Ah. Yes. A small package."

The Salarian went back to his desk by the med-bay window, ducking down and rooting through several drawers. He eventually stood up with a pair of data-chips, passing them over.

"Informative vids. Something to make sure that you know the safe positions. Safety protocols, that sort of thing."

"Safety protocols? Doc, I'm not looking to try anything out there with the Commander."

"Safety for medical reasons. Different DNA spirals can end up fatal allergic reactions if either of you ingest. Or...inject."

"...Right."

"And best not take it in the wrong position with spikes."

Garrus looked down at his body. There weren't that many different spines on him compared to the average Turian, but he supposed that it was better safe than sorry. There were already a hundred different ways that he and Shepard could get killed during the upcoming mission. It wasn't worth risking each other for a moment of stupidity.

"Thanks, Mordin."

"Anytime. Hate to see someone in the med-bay without reason."

"Well, I'll make sure it's worth it if it happens."

"Prefer that you didn't, but your love life."

"...Heh."

He didn't quite blush as he left, but he did have a little bit of purple in his cheeks. Something that he hadn't done for some time, as a matter of fact.

As he walked through the corridors of the Normandy SR-2, Garrus looked down at the data-chips. They were small enough to probably only hold one or two vids a piece, which meant that he would have this done before he and Shepard met up tomorrow night. He would have preferred to do that tonight, but Shepard had insisted that the pair of them get checked out by Mordin, that they do this right.

It was probably the right call, but at the same time, it was hard for him to resist the siren call to the Commander's quarters. It wasn't that he loved Shepard precisely, but with the likelihood of so many casualties in the upcoming mission, it was hard for him to settle. Sex - even sex with a human - would have settled those nerves dramatically. Shepard was the best option for that, too, even with his little 'fan club' that had started taking shape among the crew.

Shouldn't have shown off that much on Ilium, he thought, remembering the sniping shots that he'd pulled on some moving vehicles. The crew had rented drones for him to pop out of the sky after they realized just how good a shot he was, and some of them had started making him...offers.

Not that he wanted any of them. They were...well, too eager for celebrity.

He passed through the common areas of the ship, heading back to the gun bay. It was as good as the barracks for him, and the humming of the weapon systems meant that he was always at home. The vibrations had lulled him to sleep more than once while they were flying through the stars. As he stepped inside, he tapped the door with a long finger to lock it, making sure that nobody would disturb him.

"Alright, Mordin. Let's see what these are..."

He loaded the data-chips into his personal omnitool as he made his way to his bunk, sitting on the edge of it as the files transferred over. His tool flashed from yellow to green for a moment, then back to yellow once the files had been completely shifted over. A couple of taps to the hologram display brought up the file names.

Cross-Species PSA, Rescuing the Courier, and Servicing Your Officer...

Garrus had a rather firm idea of just what the latter two were, and he knew that they were going to be as ridiculous as their titles sounded if he was right. Interspecies porn, outside of Fornax, tended to be on the more stupid side, really playing to the ego of one species or another when it was put out there. He shook his head, sorting the latter two files out of the way for the moment and playing the first. He might as well get the facts.

A shimmering image of a human and Turian, both male, both naked, appeared. He looked between them, felt a slight bit of arousal at the sight of the naked men, but not enough to really make any sort of difference to him. He laid back on his bed, getting comfortable and folding his hands together. Two fingers and a thumb made the gesture strange, but it was still better than just leaving them idle.

"Hello, and welcome to the Public Service Announcement regarding Turian/Human relations. Today, we will be focusing on the homosexual arrangement between the two species, and how one will make this work in a safe, effective way."

"Oh, here we go..."

Garrus sighed. He knew that this was going to be awkward, but this was going to take it into an entirely new realm of awkwardness. He looked at the menu on the omnitool, seeing if there was a way to make it a little faster, or if he should mute it.

No, bad idea. I should hear what it has to say...

Much as he didn't like the idea of going through something this boring, he knew that there were genuine things that he needed to know. The whole allergic reaction both humans and Turians could have to each other's fluids, for example, was something that he hadn't taken into account. That was something solved with a condom, but at the same time, there were probably other things.

As expected, the show started with the condom information, but was sufficient to show that there needed to be different arrangements for humans putting it on versus how a Turian would do it. For example, he hadn't realized that humans needed to take into account that they had that extra loose flesh around the bottom of the shaft, something that wouldn't always pull tight.

Hmmm...you'd think that they'd want to cover the testicles, too, but I guess that's human arrogance, he thought as the Turian showed how to put a condom on the human partner. Or they just don't have the same vulnerability to sex...

It was the first time that he'd had a bit of education on the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised humans, as well. The fact that the species still argued about whether it should or shouldn't mutilate the sex organs of a gender sounded so strange for a group that had managed to get onto the Citadel council, but considering the Asari way of handling things, or the Turian, he supposed it wasn't that surprising that someone still had some dirty laundry.

He wondered what type of dick Shepard had.

The presentation moved on. Once the condom application had been completed, he watched as they started showing positions. The holograms would move from one to another, sometimes still, sometimes in motion. They started with a great deal of the bad ones, first, one of the big ones being no 'up against the wall' fucking, at least, if the Turian was on the bottom.

"As you can see, all it takes is one shift of position at the wrong time, and the human partner will have a spine through his leg," the vid voice said, showing the human impaling his leg and falling over in awkward animation. "This will result in an ending of the immediate pleasurable experience, as well as possibly the end of any further experiences together."

"I doubt Shepard would be that stupid..."

Then again, they hadn't even decided the positions for how they were going to do it. He shook his head. They'd cross that bridge when they came to it. Later. Much later. He skipped ahead just a bit.

They started showing the acceptable positions, going from a simple doggy-style one - as the vid called it - where the Turian or the human could be down on the bottom, provided that the Turian's legs were properly spread. They could do missionary, if the Turian was on top. There was a position where one held the other up, where they could both do that, provided that the one doing the penetrating had the muscle to support the other.

We could both do that...

There were others that were a little more passive and servile, too, considering that the human and Turian both had the ability to ride their partner while the passive one was on their back and the servile one had the leg strength to keep bouncing.

The whole thing would have been almost erotic to watch if everything hadn't been so stilted and overly informative. Every single time that they started building up to something that might have gotten his dick twitching, Garrus was reminded that it was an informational vid by the voice going over something technical, or something dangerous, or going down the road of 'and we don't do this because...', where it waited for him to type in an answer into his omnitool before they would move on.

Overall, it was thirty minutes that gave him less information than Mordin had, and had only been mildly less condescending. He sighed, shaking his head as he closed the vid, looking at the other two.

He honestly hadn't been planning to look through either of the other two. If the information video had been good enough to make him get off as well as inform him to what he needed to do, he would have ended it there. However, after watching the poorly-animated figures go from one clinical pose to another, he honestly didn't know if he was still attracted to humans in the slightest. What if he went to Shepard and he couldn't get it up once the Commander got naked?

Well, this is going to get awkward...

Shaking his head, he turned the volume down to little more than a buzz, then played the first of the files. Rescuing the Courier at least sounded like something that he might have a chance to enjoy as an action piece.

As Garrus got comfortable, he watched as the omnitool displayed a holo-vid of a human in very tight pants making his way up to an apartment door. He knocked, and the door opened to reveal a reasonably good looking Turian. Not as good-looking as he was, of course, but then again, most of the species couldn't be blessed with his good looks. He watched the human had over a package and leave, though not without several gratuitous shots of the Turian's crotch - which was already bulging to the point that he was sure that actor was using a stim-booster down there - and a few shots of the human's ass in those tight pants.

That, he admitted, was a pretty good view. The way that those cheeks were pushed together and the way that the human was forced to walk in those pants? Deliciously teasing.

Garrus started to reach for his dick through his off-hours jumpsuit, rubbing at the rising tip that was making its way from his slit. The camera focused on the human's ass as he walked down a pathway, only for it to suddenly pull back.

Batarians ambushed the courier, and Garrus was immediately kicked out of the sexy moment as he watched the horrible choreography as the Batarians faked hitting the human from all sides. One punch that sailed overhead but the human pretended to be hit by was followed by a kick that stopped three feet away from the human but still drew a groan of impact. There wasn't even a cheap biotic effect to make it look like they were some sort of commando squad or something like that.

The human went down as Garrus rolled his eyes, only for the sudden explosion of gunfire to fill the air. The Batarians went down, and the Turian walked up, carrying a giant automatic weapon that had no business being held in just one hand.

"You'd break your wrist holding it like that...then your elbow...then your shoulder," Garrus muttered as the Turian reached down and helped the human up. "Not to mention you'd never hit anything. I see we're not taking a realistic approach to our props..."

He was being a critic of something that the movie wasn't trying to be, but it was hard not to with something that stupid. Porn was always meant to move to the main event as fast as possible, he knew that, but that didn't mean that he was happy about the way that they handled the prop part of things.

Still rather discontented, he watched as the human was carried back to the apartment. Almost as soon as they were through the door, the gun disappeared as if it had never been, and the Turian's pants hit the ground as the human started rubbing at the Turian's slit, trying to ease that shaft free.

"You...you don't do that. You rub it, you don't try and pop it like a boil," Garrus said, staring at the film and shaking his head.

Making a note to talk to Mordin about where he was getting his source material from, he endured the horrible show of getting the Turian hard - oh, that bulge was long-gone - but eventually they were up to doing something together. It was still cheesy and hammy, but he finally had the chance to see a human on his knees doing something to a Turian dick. The long, slender thing got sucked hard by the grateful human, who was bobbing up and down on the Turian's cock and taking the whole thing down his throat.

That was sexy, and it was something that he had to admit a human mouth would be better at doing than a Turian one. There weren't so many things in the way, nor were there ways that it could go wrong in the same style that it could have done the other way around. His own shaft throbbed a bit as it started rising, and he finally had reason to touch it.

As he stroked himself, easing his shaft forward, he imagined how it would feel to have Shepard down there. The Commander was a powerful man, brawny in his own way, but to see someone that strong and that intense giving him that kind of pleasure...

His toe talons curled in his boots, and he squeezed his cock as he imagined those lips pressing right down to the base, kissing his slit before slowly working back towards the tip.

Mmmph...Shepard would probably make that feel very...very good...

The blowjob ended after a few minutes of head-bobbing and hip-thrusting, leaving the human panting, his mouth wide open with a bit of spit connecting his lips to the condom-covered shaft. The condom was obviously meant to be closer to the Turian's cock color, but there was such a sloppy application that Garrus could see where the bottom of it hadn't quite been tucked into the slit. The illusion of it being barebacked was kind of ruined, but he had to admit that the spit line was kind of hot.

It made the human look like a bitch, and his cock throbbed at the idea of having a bitch like that for himself. Not sure if it was going to be Shepard, but the idea of having a human on their knees, gasping over his cock? Yes, that was rather pleasing.

"Turn around, human. I want you to show me how grateful you are that a Turian like me saved your ass."

"Yes, sir. I am so lucky that such an amazing Turian saved me."

"Heh, tell me how amazing I am."

"You're so strong, so hunky, so powerful. I didn't deserve to be saved by you, but -"

Garrus hurriedly hit the mute button before the dialogue could kill it for him completely. The horrible thing was, he could imagine that there were some Turians out there who would completely approve of that sort of dialogue, that would crave to hear some human say something like that to them.

The problem was, he wasn't one of them. He didn't want to put himself that much above humans, and he felt bad just thinking of that. It was one thing to imagine a human as a bitch for the night. It was another thing to start getting species-ist about it.

The human got down on all fours, showing off a rather pale ass. It was definitely softer-looking than any Turian backside that he had ever seen. His species wasn't particularly built in a way to encourage that sort of ogling, but humans? They had hot asses, rounded and built to be fucked. Even the humans that had muscle rather than fat running down their backsides looked like they were made to be used.

This human was no exception, and had probably gotten his role on this porno by virtue of his rump rather than any other feature that he had. It was perfect, and as the Turian's two-fingered hands gripped the cheeks and spread them, it was clear that he had prepared for this. Another mark of ruining the illusion, but the shiny lube across that pucker looked sexy anyway.

He gripped his cock that much tighter as he watched the Turian push his dick closer. The longer, thinner member was something that obviously hadn't been biologically engineered for human holes, but there was definitely enough puckering going on, enough prep done to make sure that it would slide in. The tip pressed against that pink flesh, pushed, and Garrus groaned almost as if he was in the porno rather than the actor.

"Mmmph..."

Garrus groaned under his breath, trying to keep the sounds quiet as he stroked his cock faster, matching the sudden, hard rut that the Turian on the video did. The human seemed to be enjoying it, or at least the panning shots that showed the human's cock getting hard from underneath seemed to imply it. If nothing else, there were no complaints, and that was a big thing. As long as the human was getting off from this, that was really all that mattered.

Heh...can't stop thinking of my teammates, can I?

The idea of being on top of someone else, of fucking a human, was a good one. However, he knew that he would never be able to stop thinking about whether it was getting them off. Whether that was an ego thing or just something that meant he cared more than he thought, he didn't know, but it was something he knew he'd be focused on.

The fucking continued for nearly five minutes, something that he appreciated as it showed different points of view, different angles that could be used, and, most of all, more of the close-ups that showed a Turian cock buried so deeply in a human hole. Every time that the view came back to that, his cock throbbed all the harder, mostly because it was that much easier to imagine doing the same thing to his Commander.

Eventually, the whole thing came to an end, but they somehow managed to ruin it by having the human's hole start oozing some sort of lube at the end. It was probably meant to be Turian cum for those that didn't know what it looked like, but Garrus knew lube when he saw it. He sighed, shaking his head and taking his hand from his cock.

"Horrible dialogue, absolutely atrocious acting, and a complete misunderstanding of the anatomy of your partner..."

Mordin needed to go back to biology 101 if he believed that this was a suitable demonstration of human/Turian coupling. The whole thing was beyond the pale, and it was definitely verging on being offensive for the wrong viewer. Just having it being that stupid about how Turians were so...superior...

He sighed. He might as well give the other one a try and see if it was any better.

Servicing Your Officer, this one was called. He had a pretty good idea of where that was going, but he supposed he might as well give it a chance. Setting it to play, he slowly slid the volume back up.

This time, they started from the point of view of a Turian. Remembering how the last one had gone, he already had low expectations, but the production values and writing was actually starting better. The Turian had been assigned to an Alliance ship for a bit of cross-species cooperation exercises. The inside of the ship had been faithfully rendered rather than the back-alley budget that the other film had had, and Garrus had to admit that they had picked a better-looking Turian this time around.

Leaning back on his bunk, he waited for the action to start, but this porno had the opposite problem that the other one did. Rather than being too abrupt to get right to the action, it took too long to set up. It got to the point where Garrus actually fast-forwarded through the vid on three different occasions, hoping to get to the fun stuff, only to have to rewind by a few seconds to see what had just happened when they hit a confusing scene.

Eventually, the ship was underway, and the Turian was approached by what had to be the male lead. The officer uniform that the human wore was mostly correct, though some of the medals that he had pinned to his chest would only have been worn on ceremonial days. The human walked up and asked the Turian to meet him in his quarters to discuss a special assignment, and the Turian walked off with him.

Hmmm, so how awkward is this one going to be?

He had some small hopes for it, but as soon as they entered the officer's quarters, things turned silly again. The human leaned back against his desk and the cheesy dialogue started.

"I hear that you Turians are really into the whole Hierarchy thing."

"It's how we live, yes."

"So, does that mean it's a system of tops and bottoms? Doms and bitches?"

"Yeah, it's basically a master/slave thing."

"Then you'll fit in fine."

...

Garrus lacked the words to describe just how flabbergasted he was at the base disdain for his own culture, silently tapping the volume button as the human pulled down the zipper of his uniform. He honestly didn't need to hear anything more after that, not when they'd gone that far. And it had been rather promising before that moment.

I wonder if the director has a home with a balcony. THAT'S a security problem that I wouldn't mind taking advantage of...

Still, he had to admit that it was interesting to see things from the opposite side, to allow himself to see what it might be like under a more dominant human. In this case, the officer was already pulling his dick out and pumping it, showing it off to the Turian that, at least, looked somewhat shocked at the impropriety of things. They were both talking a bit more, the human jerking himself off, probably literally and verbally, and Garrus just waited for them to move to something better.

Finally, the Turian soldier went down to his knees, slowly making his way to the human. The 'inferior' officer began servicing his 'superior,' opening his mouth as wide as possible and taking the human shaft in. Garrus was rather shocked that it could fit in the slightest, particularly with the way that the mandibles would have been causing problems, but they seemed to have a way of making it work.

He almost missed the condom on the human, but it was there. Better concealed, though.

I hate that I have to give you that point...

Regardless, at least it was going better than the previous vid. He watched, and he found himself getting rather turned on again. The idea of someone taking control of a Turian like that, so efficiently and so easily, was...well, surprisingly in-keeping with certain Turian ethos. They weren't going to just bend like that, of course, but if someone took charge and kept that charge, they were going to be pretty eager to follow orders.

Would I follow orders like that?

Garrus imagined not, but he had never had Shepard give him the order to go down on his knees and start sucking him off. The sight of that human cock going down another Turian's throat, however, made him wonder what it might be like.

Particularly when the human grabbed hold of the Turian's head.

Garrus reached up and touched his own spikes and spines, feeling them, gripping them the way that the human was doing. They were just strong enough to work as a handhold, he realized, and if Shepard was on top, then he would be able to start hammering home using that as a guide-grip. The idea of his head becoming nothing but a sex toy like that was...

Well, he hadn't thought that was possible. It was an engineering and angle question at that point, but at the same time, a vulnerability that he didn't know he had. Possibly even a kink that he didn't know he had.

He almost wanted to turn the volume back on to hear the sounds of that cock sliding into a Turian's mouth and throat, but at the same time, he knew better than to allow that dialogue a place in the hold again. He had already almost lost his boner once already; he didn't need that again when he was so close.

He gripped the base of his cock, pumping it hard as he watched the human use the Turian's mouth again and again. Every so often, the human officer would thrust deep enough that his balls bumped off the Turian's chin, and Garrus wondered how that would feel. That was a piece of anatomy that Turians didn't have to be concerned about, but the idea of a face-fuck like that going so extreme that he might actually get a battering from it...

That shouldn't have been sexy, but it did make him wonder how it would feel. It felt like it would be demeaning...but if it was with someone that he cared about...

This is going...to be...a very confused...orgasm...

He grunted, humping his hand slightly on the edge of the bed. Half-curious, he reached up and put a finger on his tongue, sliding it back in his mouth to really feel how it felt to get something shoved back there over and over again. He matched the pace of the vid, and he actually found himself getting into it.

So into it, as a matter of fact, that when the human came, he did the same, shooting his load across the floor. He panted as he fell back against his bed, staring at the end of the muted vid, only to groan as the human officer put a medal on the Turian's chest in the shape of a cock.

Figures. They all have to commit.

He cut the vid there, shaking his head as he leaned back against the cushioned mat that was his sleeping space. For all that he had 'enjoyed' the end of the vid, he had to admit that they were both as awkward as the informational vid, just in different ways. Culturally insensitive, horribly written, directed badly...

And yet, still sexy enough to get him off.

As he rolled onto his back, his cock was still hard, still plenty stiff from what he had just enjoyed. He debated reaching down to 'pop the heat sink' again, as it were, but it was probably not a good idea to push that further just yet. After all, he still had tomorrow to look forward to, and as much as he prided his stamina, he wanted to make sure that he had enough to give as good as he got. He had every reason to believe that Shepard would be holding back until then, too, and that meant that he needed to rest up after that.

Well, at least I know humans are appealing.

That had been a small worry. There was the emotional bond between him and Shepard, he had to admit that much, but there was still something that had been missing between them. The real attraction, the body attraction, how they would actually be with each other had been an unknown. Now, however, he knew that he could get off to humans, something that had been completely up in the air before.

He sighed, resting one arm behind his head, looking up at the metal ceiling. Shepard would be getting ready for some shut-eye at the moment, or he might have gone up to see how the Commander was doing. As it stood, he knew better than to push his luck, even though he would have liked the chance to talk through what they were going to do later. After all, the two videos had raised two seriously different possibilities for what they could do.

Him on top...or me...

Either way would be intense, but...

He could feel his cock throbbing already, even as two very distinct options popped into his head. One for him being the pusher, and one for him being the taker.

If I was the one on top...

Garrus could imagine that easily enough. He had done a lot as Archangel, and he was one of the most valued members of the team for his skills as a sniper and a former officer of C-Sec. He knew what he was doing, and he knew how to take charge in tense situations. Taking charge of Shepard wouldn't be that hard if they both were up for it.

Seeing the big human go to his knees, seeing those eyes looking up at him, knowing that he could do what he wanted and Shepard wouldn't stop him. Hell, the human would probably encourage him, considering the way that he could go along with just about anything for the right reasons.

Would Shepard want to go as far as anal, though? He could just about imagine it, but he didn't know for sure. It was going to take some pressure to get him down to that point, to take a cock up the ass, but if Garrus could get him to that point...

"Mmmph..."

His cock throbbed insistently, pushing him to take hold and have a little more fun, but at the same time, he knew that he had to hold back. Just for a bit longer, just to make sure that everything went well tomorrow.

The other fantasy, of him being on all fours, of him being the one to take it...

He wanted to say that it was something that pushed him away, that there was no way that he would go that far with his submission and fun with the human, but at the same time, he couldn't deny just which porno he'd cum to. The whole idea of being pushed and taken, of having his place in the ship's hierarchy established, spoke to some deep instincts that he hadn't been entirely aware of having.

It wasn't what he wanted, but he knew that it was theoretically possible. He groaned under his breath, pulling his other arm behind his head, keeping either one from reaching down to his throbbing erection.

"Go down."

He didn't expect his cock to listen, and of course, it didn't. It just kept throbbing against his stomach, begging for that little bit more attention, wanting him to give in and just stroke away. Garrus shook his head, rolling onto his side, and then onto his stomach. As his cock was trapped between his belly and the sheets, it finally started shrinking in, the sensitive thing unwilling to stay out when it was being ground against his harder body parts.

Harrumphing to himself, he slammed his head into the pillow. It was time to sleep, and hopefully, he would only have good dreams of what would happen soon. He wanted to dream of him and Shepard having their fun together, not of the worries of what would happen on the mission.

Honestly, he gave himself 50/50 odds on something good happening in the dream.

Just as he was starting to slide towards sleep, though, his omnitool beeped at him. He groaned, pulling his arm up and opening the communication channel.

"What is it?"

"Apologies. Sudden findings in your samples."

"...What did you find?"

"Nothing serious, just needs quick treatment."

"Does it need it now?"

"If copulation is still your goal, yes."

"Just when I was getting comfortable..."

He sighed, getting up. Well, at least it shouldn't be more than an injection. He was used to those.

The End

Summary: Garrus gets his exam before he's due to fuck Shepard, and ends up with a few informational vids. They're not as good as Mordin thinks they are.

Tags: M/solo, M/M, human/Turian, Mass Effect, Rule 34, Garrus Vakarian, Garrus, sex education, porn, anal, oral, blowjob, facefuck, orgasm, cum, frustration,