Infinite Experiences: Reality

Story by KCHemingway on SoFurry

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#3 of Infinite Experiences


Reality

San Francisco, USA, February 17th** , 2024**

It was a cool, mildly windy day in San Francisco. A red fox named Jared Cross leaned against the tail of the Golden Gate Bridge, staring out into the Pacific. Smoke drifted from the tip of the cigarette in their jaws, blue eyes neutral in expression. They wore a hoodie and pants, both grey in color. A few minutes passed before they finished the cigarette, flicking it forward and letting it drift to the bay below. They turned and started to walk, eventually stepping off the bridge and making their way towards their normal store, a small place in the side of a building, many other stores just like it dotting the city.

He entered the small store, raising a paw in greeting to the store owner, Derek. The jackal did the same, Jared making his way to the candy section. He picked up a bag of mints, only to pause as his gaze moved to rest on the human rated chocolates. The tod stood in the middle of the aisle, staring down at the wrapped candy.

He knew the camera in the corner didn't work, and he knew that Derek trusted him. The jackal wouldn't even think to make sure he wasn't buying something he didn't have any business buying. And he also knew the larger canine couldn't see him from the counter. It would be easy to sneak a bar into his coat pocket. Easy to go into his room and just eat it. His roommates wouldn't notice until it was too late, especially if he could control his body when it inevitably reacted to the fact he had ingested something so poisonous.

He'd just be another name in the obit column, and who read those nowadays? Only his roommates would know. They might tell his parents, though they wouldn't care. He hadn't talked to them in years. Not since he'd told them about his issues.

"Excuse me," a voice suddenly said, and Jared turned his head. A coyote stood there, not really fully looking at him and focusing on his phone.

"Oh, sorry," the fox said, stepping out of the way. "Just lost in my..." The coyote walked past him, Jared tracking him until he turned the corner into another aisle. "Thoughts."

With a sigh, the fox turned and walked towards the front, paying for his mints in silence and making his way out the store. He opened his bag and popped one of them into his muzzle, then started to walk home.

It was almost at his apartment that he stopped, turning his head and looking in silence in the direction of the Westfield Centre. He stood outside the complex for several moments before finally making his way inside, going up the stairs and to the correct door. The fox pulled keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, making his way inside. He passed the picture on the wall just inside, showing him and his roommates, Tim and John.

The fox and wolf in question lay on the couch, in the middle of a makeout session. They didn't seem to notice his arrival, Tim panting softly. It didn't take a genius to realize they were about to start shedding clothes in the next two minutes, maximum.

"Hey," he said in his usual tired voice. The other canines immediately perked up, Tim raising himself up to look.

"Hey, Jared!" he said excitedly. "Glad you're back!"

"Seems to me you wouldn't have minded me being gone another hour or two," he replied simply, starting to remove his coat.

"Can't win 'em all," John said from under Tim,chuckling softly. Jared huffed in amusement, shaking his head as he put the jacket on a chair and making his way into the kitchen. "Find something to put on, babe. Sorry we got cut short."

"It's fine." Tim stood up from the couch, moving towards the TV stand and the integrated tower holding their blu-ray collection. Jared opened the fridge and grabbed the pizza box holding the leftovers from the previous day, placing it on the counter before grabbing plates. John joined him, trying to hide his straining pants.

"Sorry," he said softly. "I know you struggle with your...you know."

"John, it's fine," Jared said as he looked at the wolf. "My struggles are about myself. I can't expect you to not have sex with your boyfriend just to make me comfortable."

"Still. We should have kept it to our room like we always have," the wolf said, the tod not responding as he got himself some pizza and put the plate into the microwave. "You know we love you."

"Yeah, I know," he replied, watching his food heat up. John was silent, a moment passing before he patted the tod on the shoulder and grabbed some food for himself.

"I put on something dumb," Tim said as he joined the other males, grabbing the remaining slices for himself.

"Good," John and Jared said simultaneously, the younger fox chuckling softly. Jared retrieved his food once it was done, then turned and walked to the couch. He sat down in the corner, giving the couple plenty of room. They joined him a few moments later, Tim leaning against the wolf with a smile.

They ate as the movie played, enjoying the stupid fun of the action and laughing at the absurd moments that presented themselves. Eventually it ended, and they were left alone. Jared wordlessly stood up and put his plate away, then waved a paw as he made his way to his room. John and Tim didn't need any encouragement to put their own plates away and turn off the TV before going to their room.

Jared put his phone and glasses down on the nightstand and started to strip to his underwear, putting the glasses back on after removing his shirt, and walked towards the closet. He tossed his clothing into the hamper, then walked back towards his dresser on the other side of the room only to pause in front of the standing mirror that was secured against the wall opposite his bed.

Is that really what he looked like? His body was scrawny, more so than he'd thought. He'd known he wasn't exactly muscular or firm, but here he looked much more bony. His fur was matted and messy, and his eyes were tired and dull. The glasses weren't helping. A bit too minimalistic and small to actually be much help. The edges of the glass didn't even go past his peripheral vision in any direction, and with no rims they got extremely dirty way too easily.

His paws raised up slowly, coming to rest on his chest. They rested there for a few seconds before sliding down, tracing where fire orange met yellow cream. His breathing picked up ever so slightly as they lowered, swallowing the lump in his throat as his paws rested on the hem of his underwear. His breaths turned shaky, bottom jaw trembling slightly as he slowly pushed them down.

The cream top of his sheath poked free, and he saw red flesh just poking free. Almost immediately his stomach churned, paws quickly raising his underwear back up as he turned his head away, eyes screwing shut and trying to force the bile to stay down. Jared lowered to his knees, panting quietly as a paw clenched on the floor. After a few moments he began to relax, pushing himself to a standing position and stumbling towards his dresser. He pulled some shorts and a light t-shirt on, then moved over to his bed and lay down. He put his glasses on the nightstand and lay his head on the pillow, sighing softly.

The tod closed his eyes as pulled the blanket over his waist, humming softly. It unfortunately didn't take long for the sounds of his roommates enjoying the privacy of their own room to reach his sensitive ears through the walls, and Jared rolled onto his side, ears pinning back as he tried to ignore it and the stirring it caused in his sheath. Eventually the noises stopped, and Jared slowly drifted off to sleep.

The week passed with a similar routine, then the month, then two. In that time Jared had found his thoughts gradually growing darker like in Derek's store. Not terribly, but definitely more than before. John knew something was up, but he was waiting for Jared to initiate that conversation. The tod was thankful he wasn't pushing it, but the silence was only making it awkward when Tim had to find something to talk about to break the silence.

Jared currently stood on the Golden Gate as he usually did, staring out into the bay. A paw reached into his pocket, pulling out his cigarette carton and a lighter. He retrieved one, holding it in his muzzle as he pocketed the carton and flicked open the lighter, striking the wheel and igniting it. Holding the flame to the tip of the cigarette, Jared inhaled until he felt it in his throat, then closed the lighter and pocketed it as well. He continued to lean into the rail, drowning out the cars passing by.

After a bit he finished off the cigarette, reaching up and tossing it away. His gaze followed it down until he couldn't make it out, simply staring down into the water below. The tod was silent as he stared down, head tilting slightly.

He wondered, then...would it hurt? Hitting the water from this high up? Jared knew that surface tension was a thing, and that was why you always dove into water whether pencil or a traditional dive, but how far up did it stop mattering how you hit the water? The world record for a dive into water was a little over a hundred ninety feet, and the bridge at high tide was only about thirty feet higher than that above the bay.

Would anyone even really miss him? He had some fun banter and memories with John and Tim, and he liked to think they were his friends; they said as much, at the very least. But he was just a fox. Nobody special, or remarkable. His family wouldn't. Hell, they'd been wishing he would die for years at this point, ever since that day at their home in Oklahoma.

A soft, somber chuckle escaped the fox. He imagined they'd cheer when they found out. Throw a party. Their mentally disturbed, faggot son would finally be dead and their shame would finally be over. He could see it now. The whole fucking neighborhood would turn out.

The fox didn't remember crossing over the rail. The only thing he remembered was leaning forward, only to suddenly be grabbed and dragged back over, falling to the ground in a tumble of limbs and yips.

The next thing he knew he was being pinned down, too shocked to even fight back and resist, as he stared up at the coyote atop him. The larger canid was panting slightly, clearly having rushed to grab him. Jared's blue eyes stared up into the hazel of the coyote's, and after a moment the tod's paws began to shake. The coyote had pinned them down either side of his head, and Jared suddenly felt his stomach churn. He writhed, and the larger male seemed to realize what was happening and quickly let him go, the fox rolling over and heaving whatever stomach contents he had left onto the pavement.

Only a few short seconds later he was crying, body trembling. He was gently raised to his feet and walked to a car by the coyote, who opened the passenger door and gently helped him to sit down inside it. A car honked, and the larger male raised a paw and flipped them off. He wordlessly made sure Jared was properly in the seat before shutting it and moving around to the driver's side.

"I'll handle cops or whatever later," he said as he climbed in, starting to drive down the bridge. Jared hadn't even heard the car stop, now that he thought about it. He must have been really out of it.

The car eventually pulled into a drive-thru for a fast food restaurant, the coyote looking at Jared in silence. The fox nervously looked over, still trembling.

"What do you want to eat?" the larger male asked, making Jared blink.

"W-what?" he replied, confused by the question. He'd just saved the fox from attempting to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, and he was asking what he wanted to eat?

"Well, you threw up, so I figure you're probably hungry," the coyote said with a shrug. A few moments passed before the tod cleared his throat, looking at the menu. They still had a car in front of them.

"I...I dunno," he said hesitantly. "I guess their fake double quarter and an order of nuggets."

"Drink?"

"Coke," Jared answered. "No ice. Small."

"Got it." His savior - the fox briefly wondered if it was weird to call him that - pulled up as the car in front of them moved forward. He rolled down his window, flirting with the female worker as he placed an order and was given their total. They pulled forward once the line moved, eventually coming to the window and flirting even more as he paid. Eventually they claimed their food, and the coyote pulled into a parking spot to inspect it. Satisfied, he offered a bag - Jared now noticed his food was in a separate bag from the other male's - to the fox, who took it but didn't take anything out.

"I'll eat at home," he explained preemptively in a quiet tone, getting a nod in response. The coyote ate his own food quickly, apparently not having ate since the morning, or possibly the night before. Once done he pulled the car out of the spot and pulled onto the road. Jared gave directions without prompting, and they eventually parked in front of his complex. The doors remained locked, which gave Jared pause. His breathing picked up slightly.

Great. Was he about to get raped? That'd be the fucking icing on the shit cake, really. Saved from suicide only to get assaulted because the guy who'd dragged him from the edge felt like he was owed.

"You got this," the coyote said, Jared pausing for a few seconds before looking at him. "I don't know what you got going on, and I'm not going to ask. You don't know me. You don't trust me. That's fine. But you're gonna be okay. It's not gonna be bad forever."

"And you know a lot about these things, yeah?" Jared asked without thinking, and immediately regretted it. The coyote chuckled, however. He gave a shrug.

"I'm a journalist," he said. "I've seen some shit. But I'm still here. Maybe what you're going through is a billion times worse than my shit, though. I dunno. But do a favor to the world. Even if you don't think it deserves it."

"And what's that?" Jared asked, and the coyote smiled.

"You shine," he answered. "And you shine real fucking bright. Because this world is gonna try to dim ya, but you say 'fuck the world' and keep on shining. You're a brilliant bright light, just like the rest of us. And it's always a shame when one goes out too soon."

Jared was silent, stunned by the words. He faintly heard the door unlock, slowly getting out of the car with his food and drink. He walked to the door of his complex, then paused and turned around. The coyote was watching him, offering a warm smile and dipping his head. The fox returned it, then stepped inside. An ear twitched as he heard the car drive away, and it occurred to him that he hadn't gotten the coyote's name.

"Fuck," he muttered, then sighed and shook his head, making his way up the stairs and to his apartment. He stepped inside, finding John and Tim on the couch, thankfully not making out or even cuddling. Jared raised the paw holding his drink, then moved into the kitchen and sat down at the table to eat. He was acting on autopilot by now.

"Hey," John said suddenly, and the fox was shaken back to reality. He'd somehow eaten his food and emptied his drink, looking around briefly before turning his attention to the wolf. "You okay?" His voice was full of concern.

"Yeah," the tod answered automatically, waving a paw nonchalantly. "Just...thinking, is all."

"Jared," John said simply, and the fox knew then and there that this wasn't going away. A moment passed before the wolf sat down. "Tell me."

Jared was silent, looking down at the table in silence. He vaguely processed Tim sitting down as well. "I tried to go for a swim," he finally said, and Tim gasped softly. Looking up, John was visibly taken aback. Neither of them had clearly even considered things might have been that bad.

"But...you didn't," the slightly larger fox said slowly, and his voice cracked slightly. "You're still here."

"Coyote pulled me back over the rail," Jared explained with a nod. "I don't even remember climbing over in the first place. One second I was watching my cigarette butt fall, the next I'm almost falling before getting dragged back and to the ground." A few seconds passed. "He got me something to eat. Brought me home. Left when I stepped inside the complex. Didn't get his name, though."

John was silent, his expression much more neutral and straight now that he'd moved through the shock of hearing his friend had tried to commit suicide. His arms were crossed as well, though more idly than anything. He wasn't happy, though, that much was clear.

"Why didn't you talk to us, man?" he eventually asked, his own voice cracking slightly. The thought of nearly losing him had clearly gotten to the wolf. "If we'd known things were this bad, we might have been able to help."

"John, there wasn't anything you could have said," Jared said, shaking his head. "I didn't even realize it was that bad until I was pinned to the ground. Sure, I've wondered what might happen, but I've never thought about actually trying."

The wolf huffed, shaking his head. It lowered slightly, a paw raising and resting on his forehead. There was a long period of silence.

"Actually, I, uh..." Jared swallowed, both his roommates looking at him. "I'm gonna try to get better," he said. "I'm gonna find somebody, and I'm gonna talk to them. See if I can figure my shit out."

"You better," John said, but they could all hear the relief in his voice. "I'll drag you to them if I have to."

"I hope you do," Tim said, forcing a smile.

"I hope you do, too," the fox said, nodding his head. "Don't let me give up."

The wolf stood up, moving to stand beside him and gently pulling Jared to his feet, paws on his shoulders. "Never," he said with clear conviction. "You're gonna get better whether you like it or not." He pulled the fox into a hug, holding him tight. Jared returned the hug, both of them silent save for their breaths.

Eventually they pulled apart.

"I love you guys," Jared said as he looked at them both.

"We love you too," Tim said with a smile, looking like he was only just fighting back tears. John raised a paw and gently wiped his eyes, then turned back to Jared. He gave a single, concise nod to let the tod know he echoed the sentiment.

"Now, let's see if we can find you somebody to kick your brain's ass," the wolf said with a grin, and the two foxes couldn't help but grin themselves.

"Let's," Jared said, and John left the table to grab his laptop.

It took them three weeks to finally get Jared in with somebody, though most of that was due to the therapist's schedule being full until then. He recalled John being particularly interested in this specific therapist, though he wouldn't tell the tod why. Oh well. It was better than nothing.

Jared was silent as he knocked on the office door of the mammal he was supposed to be meeting, a female wolf whose nameplate on the wall beside the door read "Dr. Paige Valentine". He was beckoned inside, and he opened the door, shutting it behind him as he sat down in a chair.

"You must be Jared," she said, looking down at a paper. "Cross, I believe?"

"That's me," he said, offering a warm, but awkward, smile. She returned it, though much less awkwardly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jared," the she-wolf said, and he nodded.

"You too," he replied. "So, uh...full disclosure, I'm here because a friend of mine, John, was very pushy that you would be right for me."

"Johnathan Winters, I spoke to him on the phone when he set up your appointment," she said with a nod. He echoed it. "Yes, he told me...some things, but not much. Just that you were having some...thoughts?"

"Y-yeah, somewhat," he answered awkwardly. "I, uh...I tried to jump off the Golden a few weeks back. I don't really even remember doing it. Just getting pulled back over the rail by some coyote guy. He took me to this fast food place, then home. I think the first part was more a subconscious decision, really."

"And what was his name?" she asked curiously.

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "It slipped my mind to ask. But, I, uh...I haven't had any of those thoughts since then. I think what happened helped...sort of reboot my brain. Which probably doesn't make much sense."

"It's not the weirdest explanation I've heard," she replied simply, then dipped her head in silent indication to continue. The tod nodded in response to her answer, though eventually shrugged to indicate there wasn't anything else.

They continued to speak, discussing that day and the days leading up to it. As the time got closer to the end of their session, Jared felt the urge to say something.

"What...exactly did he tell you?" the tod asked, head tilting slightly. The she-wolf was quiet a moment, thinking it over.

"Just that he was worried, partly because of what you just told me, but he also mentioned...some struggles you were having. Wouldn't tell me what."

Jared fell silent, a few moments passing. "Is it...normal to not be able to look at yourself?" he eventually asked, and her head tilted in silent request for elaboration. "Like...naked. If you look at yourself, you know...down there, you get sick. Like, physically."

A moment passed, though they both knew without it needing to be said that it was not, in fact, normal. As she finally opened her muzzle to respond, her phone beeped an alarm. They both looked over at it, then back to each other.

"I'll pencil you in for next week," she said with a smile, and Jared nodded. They both stood. "Until then, I have a...homework assignment for you, for lack of a better term." The tod cocked an eyebrow. "While normally I would wait a few sessions to make any sort of diagnosis, even something minor, I want you to do something that will feel...strange, at first."

"Cryptic," he replied jokingly, getting an amused smile in response.

"Tell your roommates to start using female pronouns to refer to you," she said, and Jared blinked in response. "And find a name to go by that would fit those pronouns."

"You think I'm trans?" he asked incredulously. She held up her paws placatingly.

"I don't think anything," she said in answer, though he knew well enough to know she wasn't telling the full truth. "But it doesn't hurt to cover all possibilities."

The tod was silent, then simply huffed and walked out the door. John was paying for this anyway.

As he walked, however, he thought over her words. It took him a few minutes to decide he'd play along. Like she'd said, it couldn't hurt. It took him until he was climbing up the steps of his apartment complex to decide on a name. A nod, then a paw reached out and opened the door.

July 25th, 2025

The San Francisco Daily Observer was in full chaos mode. They were getting a new journalist today, and that was always cause for concern. Without fail, they'd always been put behind while the newbie learned the ropes and how things ran. Not enough to be concerning, but they'd also never hired somebody with no experience before. Their boss, a jackal named Robert Owens, stepped out of his office.

"Hey!" he barked loudly. "Everyone, calm down! They're here!"

Immediately everybody had gone to their respective places, only one desk empty. It was close to the water cooler, which had been the only spot that it could go without moving everything else around. The elevator door dinged open, and everyone raised their heads to look. After a moment one of them stood up, making their way towards the center of the room where Robert stood. A vixen approached, fire orange fur catching the light beautifully. She was busy looking down at her jacket, brushing it down.

"You must be our new hire," Robert said as she got within a few feet of them, her head raising in surprise.

"That's me," she said with a smile, then noticed the other one and froze.

"Hey there, darlin'," the coyote said, flashing her a playful grin as he stuck out a paw. "Jayce Talon."

"Hi," she said, still appearing shocked, as she gently took his paw in her own. He saw her stance shift a little, pupils dilating slightly as they made contact, but ignored it. "I'm, uh...Jessica. Jessica Cross."

"Well, Jess," the canid said with that same grin. "I'm gonna be showing you the ropes. I hope you can keep up."

"I'll do my best," she replied, nodding her head, and noticed she was still holding his paw. The vixen let go, swallowing awkwardly.

"Good," Robert said, then smiled and gently placed a paw on her shoulder. "Welcome to the Daily Observer, Jessica. I look forward to seeing what you can do."