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"Forever Forever Forever"

by Dirt Coyote

The grass crackled like glass with every footstep Cody took onto the empty football field. Each white line of the gridiron already fading into the night. A puff of cloudy air exhaled out of the wolf's muzzle as he sighed. It was one heck of a year.

Despite winning the game, his team, the Greenpark Loggers, was last in the division and wouldn't be moving any further for the semester. Heck, this was probably the last time he'd ever step out onto the field. He didn't see himself pursuing football in college, not that community would have a team. He got his one win as starting quarterback and he did it with the whole support of his team.

He couldn't have asked for more.

"Cody!"

A voice rang out from the eerie silence of the empty stands. The wolf turned, put on a smile, and faced the panther running towards him in his own letterman jacket. He almost didn't brace himself in time as the cat darted across the field and into his arms. They spun around in circles, the jock lifting the other teen off the ground. His warm neck nuzzled into his shoulder the entire way.

When they'd gotten dangerously close to toppling over, Cody sat him back down on his feet. Their eyes met, both holding onto wide smiles until their instincts became too much to hold back. They locked their muzzles into a long passionate kiss, taking in their scents and the cold night air. It was the first time they'd done it so open, and even in an empty field, this one felt special.

"You did it!" Becker shouted, following with a peck to his cheek. "You did it! You did it! You did it!"

Cody nodded his head up and down sheepishly, paw to the back of his head. "I know. I know," he replied, although there were so many things that he could have meant, he wasn't sure what he was responding to.

Becker's tail lashed about behind him, something he couldn't contain when he got this excited. "I told you your team would support you and they did. Even Drake had your back. And you won the game! I always believed in you."

He did. It was a month ago, though it felt like years now, when the first rumors went around that he was gay. Cody tried so hard to keep it a secret, tried to squash down everything said behind his back. He'd even gotten physical with his best friend, Drake, just to try to keep things from getting out. Of course, Becker told him that the team wouldn't care, just needed to know that he trusted them.

"You were right about that, and I've never felt closer to them than I do now. Thanks," Cody said. Though he did mean it, he couldn't help but look toward the empty stands. His smile faltered a bit, but he tried to hold onto it for his panther's sake.

Becker saw through him immediately. "They'll come around. They're your family. They have to come around."

Cody's lupine muzzle dipped, the wound still fresh. They'd been caught kissing a week ago by his dad, and then was promptly thrown out. He had thought they would have come to the game anyways, always adamant about saving face. Guess not this time.

Becker rested a paw on his shoulder, and Cody did his best not to wince. He didn't want anyone to see how bad that last hit was, the one where he tucked the football under his arm and went straight into the line. Even with all the padding, the Elk he forced back really nailed him. Through it all though, he managed to push the ball forward and score the game winning touchdown.

That though relieved some of the tension, and he turned back to his panther. "You're usually about these things. You've always been the smarter one," he conceded.

"Mom says that you can stay however long you want. Heck, she can even get you a job at her warehouse until you get back on your feet. She's practically in love with you," he said, and to lighten up the situation, he added, "I should really watch out for her."

Cody's muzzle twisted into a mock frown and he stuck his tongue out. "Don't make it weird. You know you're the only cat in my life."

The panther playfully slugged his shoulder, something that he hated Cody doing back. But it was enough to let him know that he cared and would always be there for him. Even though they were about to be separated by hundreds of miles. That thought came to mind and his ears folded back.

"It'll be hard though, with you going to UC Golden in the fall. At least we'll have a few months together," Cody said, scratching a paw to the back of his head to cover up his disappointment. It took some growing up, but he'd finally come to terms with Becker's decision to leave state for school. Asking him to change schools was cublike, and he felt bad he did it to begin with.

Becker grinned slyly, and Cody knew something was up before he even said it. His ears went up just as the feline started with, "Actually--"

"Don't tell me you're--"

"I think I heard University of Greenpark has a developing CS department," Becker interrupted casually.

Cody furrowed his brow, and though he was happy, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. "Don't do this for me. UC Golden is an opportunity of a lifetime. It'll only be a few years and I can eventually work my way out there," he said, but didn't truly believe his words.

Becker just shook his head, smile still on his muzzle, "It's already done. They were my backup anyways, so it's not too big a deal."

Tears ran down the side of the wolf's muzzle. He thought this might've been over, and now they were truly going to stay together. With so much emotions building up, he took a deep breath, reached down into his pocket, and got down onto a knee.

"Cody?" the panther whispered, eyes wide.

This was why he wanted him to meet him on the field after the game. Even if their team had lost, he'd go through with it. Even if Becker was still going to UC Golden, he had planned this. He looked up into his boyfriend's eyes and pulled out his high school ring.

"Lance Becker Adams, we've been doing this together in secret for two years now. It's been fucking crazy, with ups and down. I don't want to keep us hidden anymore," he paused before adding, "I-- I've lost so much to get here, but I don't ever want to lose you. Would you--?"

"Yes!" the panther shouted through tears.

It was good that he interrupted him, cause the big speech he had planned out was falling apart anyways. All he wanted to hear was that word. With that, he slipped his ring onto the panther's finger. His own tears ran down the sides of his muzzle, and though they stung, he couldn't be happier.

Cody asked in shaky words, "Forever?"

"Forever."

Forever.

*****

Mistakes had been made. Not just a decade ago, but the night prior for sure. Cody knew that before he even opened his eyes. He knew it before his arm rolled over to the side only to land on a short furred back. Immediately, he pulled it away, scooching to his side of the bed.

Well, it wasn't his side of the bed anymore. Now it just was just his bed. He threw up the sheets as quietly as possible, carefully wiggling his way off. The motion pinched his shoulder, the football injury that never seemed to heal correctly. Still, he bore the pain just to leave the bed without waking up Becker.

He needed coffee.

Cody rubbed the sand out of his eyes, only to knock into a box laying out in the hall. His footpaw went into it with a thud, thankfully only filled with clothes rather than something that would make a lot of noise. If he ran into Becker's fucking figurine set, he'd be sure to have him pull out every single one just to check for damages.

He pushed the box just out of the way so he wouldn't hit it again. Of course, there was a maze of cardboard leading all the way to the kitchen. For as smart as he brags, Becker had the organizational skills of a cub. It used to be enduring at some point: times where Cody would clean up the panther's desk because he knew his husband wouldn't be able to find anything under stacks of soda cans. Not so much anymore.

The very first thing he noticed when he walked into the kitchen was the lack of a coffee maker. "Son of a bitch," he muttered out, and when he thought about it, he actually meant it.

Cody looked over at a box on top of the island countertop. Kitchen supplies. He could understand the blender, the food processor, the expensive knives, and even half of the dishes. He didn't cook much for himself, so there'd be no doubt packaged noodles were gonna make up the majority of his meals in the coming months.

But the coffee maker? It was only twenty bucks when he first bought it, but Cody did buy it. Didn't matter who used it more. He'd bought it when he was working late night shifts in the warehouse. Cody still worked late evenings, a bartender now, and would occasionally want a coffee. Not nearly as much when he was slugging around boxes for that awful woman.

It was petty, but Becker could buy his own fucking coffee machine. With his claw, he ran through the tape over the top of the box. The pounding hangover spurred him on, tossing the paper buffer onto the countertop carelessly until he found what he was looking for.

He set it up, pulling out a filter and pouring in his cheap dollar store coffee into it. Of course, Becker left him that. He was always complaining that the cheap stuff was inferior, but Cody couldn't taste the difference with the cream and sugar. His husband-- ex-husband could never understand the value of a dollar.

The pot was filling just as he heard the sound of someone stumbling out into the hall. Cody leaned his back against the cupboard, something he'd gotten used to when an impending fight was coming. And sure enough, as soon as the panther came around the corner, he was already speaking.

"Please tell me what happened last night, didn't actually happen," Becker said with a paw over his forehead, no doubt sporting the same hangover.

Cody crossed his arms, brow furrowed. "Why do you do that? Always point out the obvious so it's more awkward than it already is?"

It must've been pretty early in the morning, the feline keeping his mouth shut for a second as he thought of a response. He'd almost thought he wouldn't have anything for him, but of course, there was always a bullet in the chamber. "Because some people like talking about things. Like why the hell did you take the coffee maker out?"

"My coffee maker. I bought it. Doesn't matter who used it more. It's mine," Cody said, and immediately felt like a fucking cub for saying it. His lupine ears folded back, and he shook his head as he sighed. "You're free to have a cup."

"Is it--"

"It's the cheap shit. You can keep all of your beans," Cody added swiftly, as if to make a point that the coffee maker was staying.

Becker moved groggily towards the pantry, pulling out two red plastic cups for himself. As he did, he spoke, "Mom said that it was a fair trade since the fur blower is staying with you, but whatever."

"Oh, that's a surprise: You and her calculated it all down to the penny?" he asked with some bitterness in his voice.

The panther clicked his tongue to his cheek, tail snapping like a whip. "You know, you could be a little bit grateful."

Cody opened his muzzle to speak, but a ding of the coffee machine's bell interrupted him. There was nothing nice to say anyways, so it was for the best. He just grabbed the pot and poured it into his mug before holding it out to Becker. The panther held out his cup, and Cody filled it about three quarters full.

Cody sat his mug on the counter while the panther just sipped his black. He never understood how he could do that. The wolf added a hefty amount of cream before pouring in an almost equal amount of sugar inside. Becker looked at his mug, equally revolted by the wolf's choice.

"So," Cody started, a little pause as he thought of his words. "Maybe we should divvy up our bars? Like how Rich and Josh did when they split up?"

The panther's ears folded back, and he looked up with a little bit of a glare, "The Hopper is kinda my thing. Don't you have your own bar?"

"I'm not gonna drink at my own bar. It's a straight bar. Can't you pick one of the clubs? You like dancing," he pointed out, not wanting to give up The Hopper. It was closer, easier to walk home while drunk. Course, that was why they stumbled home together the night before and made this sticky mess.

"You hardly ever go to The Hopper. You're always with your football friends when you go out. Besides, it's hard to hit on dudes at the clubs with the music blaring," Becker whined.

"Yeah, you do like to do that, don't you?" Cody shot with some ice in his voice.

The panther straightened his stance, claws dimpling the plastic cup he was holding. "I flirted. It was just flirting. You don't have any fucking room to speak."

"You'd do it right in fucking front of me all the time," Cody said, point his mug at the panther quick enough to spill some coffee over the rim.

A mean smile split Becker's muzzle, and he threw a paw out into the air. "Oh, Is this when you want to open up about your feelings? Didn't want to do that before you--"

"--How was I supposed to fucking feel?" He interrupted. Even as the words left his mouth, he knew he stepped in it big time.

"You weren't supposed to feel that it was okay to cheat on me. How did the math even work out that you could compare the two?" Becker brought it up, like the months of marriage counseling hadn't drilled in how he was the bad guy.

"Jeez, Beck, when's the fucking ice queen get here so I can finally stop having that thrown in my face every fucking day of my life?"

Becker slapped his cup against the table, pointing a finger at the wolf. "How dare you? Mom's done more for you than any of your washed up highschool-peaked loser football friends. Go drink with them!"

Lines were being crossed all over, the fight they've always needed to have now that nothing was left to save. "They were the only people that stuck by me! Your mom exploited me for years in her fucking sweatshop. Even with my bad shoulder. Hell, she probably made it worse than it ever was," he said, rotating his arm just to dig in his point.

"You just resented her because you hate your own family for abandoning you! You couldn't understand how hard it was for her to take care of both of us while supporting herself," Becker said, standing straight.

Cody accepted the challenge, stepping forward to the panther. "Don't you dare bring up my family like you knew half of what I went through."

"My dad--"

" --Not the same fucking thing, Beck! Talk about false equivalencies," Cody interrupted, but Becker was far from done.

He just continued as if the wolf said nothing, "And I stayed at your side through all of it, only for you to throw it all away by sleeping with that otter."

"You think we're splitting cause I cheated on you? News flash, Becker, but that was just a symptom of the cancer that was us. Or were you only were you only paying attention to the shrink when I was being berated?"

"I gave up my chance to be at UC Golden for you--"

"That was your own choice!" Cody shouted back, but they were just yelling over one another.

"--and stayed in this bumfuck town just to be close to you, and you don't feel the slightest bit of remorse!"

Of course he felt bad about it, but Cody was done. He tried to get more words in, but the panther just kept going. Kept throwing everything in his face. He couldn't even hear the words anymore, so he grabbed his mug and chucked it as hard as he could just over his sink.

CRASH

It shattered and Becker cried out, but didn't say anything after. An eerie silence came over the room, only the drips of coffee puddling onto the sink could be heard. Cody took a deep breath, and put his paws to his eyes to wipe away the tears.

The wolf slumped his back against the counter and asked, "What're we doing? Why are we still fighting? It's done. We signed the papers. It's over. We killed the beast that was our relationship, and we finally get to move on."

Becker's body folded similarly against the kitchen island and he snorted up mucus. "I just didn't want it to end like this," he said in a sigh. There was a long pause. Cody didn't know how to respond to that, but the feline had another question on his mind. "When did we end up hating one another?"

Cody dropped his paws and looked at the panther earnestly. Becker looked defeated, and it hurt to know that he was at fault for it. Straightening himself out, he shook his head back and forth and said, "I don't hate you." Becker looked up, seemingly unconvinced at first, but with a half-hearted chuckle, Cody continued, "If anything, I think last night proves we don't hate each other."

That got a weak laugh from Becker, but a soft sob followed it after.

"I don't hate you either," he admitted weakly.

Cody stepped towards the shards of his mug, piling the pieces together carefully. "We just-- there was so much pressure for us to work. Not just from us, but everyone. Everyone saw what we went through, everything we sacrificed: your school and my family. We just had so many unfair expectations to stay together, even when things were starting to become apparent."

The first thing that came to Cody's mind was Becker's flirting, but the cracks started long before that. Times where he'd complain about his shoulder, only for the panther to come in defense of his mom and why she worked him as hard as she did. Times where Becker would be frustrated with school, and Cody wouldn't be able to help him in the slightest. Even before the otter, he'd had thoughts of sleeping around. Never brought it up, but talking was never his thing to begin with. Too late now.

Again, they remained quiet. The ceramic clanked against the countertop as Cody traced a claw over his broken mug. He almost didn't hear the quiet padding of the panther coming up at his side. Becker rested a paw on his shoulder and held it there for a little while.

After a few seconds, he finally spoke, "I don't want us to be like Rich and Josh."

That got a snort out of Cody and he turned to face Becker. "Which part? The thing where they call bars ahead of time to make sure the other isn't there, or the weird rule that if we invite one out to do something, we have to invite the other for the next event so it seems fair?"

Both of them chuckled at that and Cody continued, "No, I don't want us to be like that either. Too many weird fucking rules. But we could probably use some distance from each other. Just for a bit. You can have The Hopper for now."

Becker shuffled his feet nervously and took a step away. "Actually, I was about to concede it. I don't think I'm ready anyways," he said with his muzzle toward the ground.

Cody turned to face the panther, "Don't think you're ready?"

He folded an arm over his chest, sleek tail flicking back and forth at his side. "Yeah, it's just-- last night. I was at the bar for hours. I thought I could just find a hookup to unwind. All I could do was stand in the corner the entire time, looking like a fucking creeper. I'm not really sure how to talk to anyone. You always were better at that than me."

Cody lifted his eyes up thoughtfully before nodding. "I guess you've never really hooked up with anyone before, right? That's weird. We're almost in our thirties and never have we had a proper date."

With some bashfulness, Becker agreed, "Yeah. So after a couple drinks, I saw you, and I just kinda wanted to do anything but stand alone in a bar."

Cody nodded and then shook his head. "Yeah, no. I get it," he said, but when he noticed the panther was still stuck in a frown, he added, "C'mon, Beck. You're a good guy. You're attractive and smart. It'll be alright. We're not even out of our twenties yet."

The compliment was hard to give, especially since he didn't want to accidentally give off the wrong signal. There were already too many sexual slip-ups between the two of them. Becker looked like he understood though, and gave a sharp nod. "Yeah, probably. Thanks."

They both sighed, exhausted, but in a better place then they were at the start. Becker flicked his ears over to the bathroom. "I should probably shower. You'll be gone by the time Mom gets here?"

He didn't ask it with any resentment, and Cody understood that, but shrugged his shoulders anyways. "I guess I can stay and help. What's one more box?"

They both laughed, but before the panther left, he asked, "Um, I packed away my towels. Would you mind if I use your towel?"

The very first thing off the tip of Cody's tongue was to say, "Never stopped you before." but he didn't. It wouldn't have been malicious, and the joke would have been understood by both of them. No, he just knew that if they were going to move on, he was going to have to start putting their relationship behind him.

"Sure thing."

The last box was stuffed into the moving van. A decade of Becker's life squeezed into a room-sized truck. His mother had kept things cordial, even though she did need to micromanage a little bit. Cody knew she wouldn't be able to help herself, but didn't make anything more awkward than it had to be.

It took both Cody and Becker to close up the trailer. Each grabbed pull rope and rolled down the door until it locked in place. The wolf wrapped his claws against the back, saying, "That's everything?"

It wasn't so much a question about the boxes. They knew well enough that everything was in the truck. Becker gave a half-smile, grabbing hold of the latch and locking it closed. "I think that's everything."

Cody looked towards the house, his new life in front of him just as his old life was leaving him behind. He then turned back to Becker and asked, "You'd still want to be friends after this?"

Becker slugged Cody's uninjured shoulder, even though he didn't like it when the wolf did it to him, and asked, "Forever?"

Tears built up over the wolf's eyes. He pulled him into a tight hug and Becker squeezed back tightly. Through a sob, Cody muttered into his ex's shoulder. "Forever."

Forever.