Sound and Silence 10: The End of a Past
#14 of Sound and Silence
Friends might be more than just friends... But you probably knew that already.
Though it's hard, you have to face your regrets in order to move on.
Reyson and Clair arrived at their old high school-it was already after hours and most of the students and staff had left. Clair had asked Reyson to come with. The wolf noted his uncharacteristically serious expression and agreed immediately. Upon arriving, they snuck onto the rooftop, the place where they would usually hang out when neither of them wanted to go home right away. Reyson packed some sandwiches, and the two ate there together, talking about old times.
"Hey Ray, remember when we first met?"
"...Yeah, you were a crybaby."
"Wh- Rude!"
"I'm not wrong though."
"You can be correct and rude, Ray!"
A young Clair was standing alone on the playground, as usual. He didn't have any friends, as his parents didn't approve of having them. Even if they did though, he had a hard time making them. Every time he got near the other kids, it was as if they would sense something about him, and leave. On this particular day, the school bullies approached him. Isolated and awkward, he was the perfect target for being picked on. The leader of the bullies approached him.
"Hey loser, get out of our way, we're going to play tag here." Clair took a step back, nervously. A static noise quietly started permeating the playground, but neither he nor the bullies noticed it. Suddenly, the big bully's lips curled into a devilish grin.
"Or... If you want to stay, I guess that means you want to play?" Clair looked confused at first, but suddenly beamed with enthusiasm as he agreed. The static disappeared as he stepped forward, eager to play with friends for the first time. The other bullies looked at their leader with confusion, but the big bad continued.
"Okay then. All of us will be it, and you need to make sure you don't get tagged by us, okay? Try to make sure you don't get tagged for as long as possible." He looked to his buddies with an evil grin, to which his lackeys took the hint and nodded their heads in agreement. Clair, ever oblivious, nodded furiously with a toothy grin. The bully took a step towards him.
"Okay, then. TAG!" The big bully said as he gave the young cat a fierce shove. Clair fell to the floor, scraping his knee.
"Ow!... what was that for!?" Clair exclaimed in protest, clutching his knees. The static that had subsided had become audible again.
"We started playing! Don't you want to play?" The bully goaded. Clair, not quite understanding, reluctantly stood up.
"Y-yeah, okay. I'll run now, try to catch me!" He turned around and tried to print away, only to immediately bump into another bully, who tackled him back onto the ground. He yelped in pain, but got back up and proceeded to continue running.
The facade of a friendly game continued as the bullies continued cornering Clair and knocking him down each time he ran away. With the static noise increasing in volume each time. Eventually, they chased him onto the grass, where the big bully headbutted Clair, knocking him into the dirt with a thud. Mud stained his then-orange fur.
As Clair tried to collect himself, he noticed that everything was loud...much too loud. He felt at his ears and realized that the last fall must have knocked his earplugs out. The young cat was hypersensitive to all sounds around him, and without them, the world was an excruciating swarm of senseless noise.
"A...ahh.... My earplugs..." Clair whimpered as he frantically felt around the grass for them. The static had reached the level of a small rumble, but the bully only lightly tapped his ears, largely ignoring the sound. He taunted his helpless prey.
"Aww, is the baby done already? I guess we shouldn't have expected much from a loser, right?" Him and his goons started laughing at him, the laughs sounding like roars at such close proximity to the poor cat.
Reaching his breaking point, Clair broke down crying, and as he did, the noise he was producing turned into a screech that penetrated all of the campus. The bullies, panicking, covered their ears and ran away from the boy, who continued bawling.
As the screeching continued, it overwhelmed his senses, causing him greater pain, and more tears, a vicious feedback loop. Clair had just wanted the pain to end.
Suddenly, he felt something soft on his ears, and the noises immediately felt much more quiet and manageable. The screeching slowly dispersed down to a static hum. as Clair stopped crying and looked up. In front of him was a small wolf,standing and towering above him, with an outstretched hand.
"I found your earplugs. Green probably isn't a very good color for them in this grass, haha." With his other hand, the wolf tapped his ears. Being so close to the center of the screeching without his ears covered had temporarily damaged his hearing. Despite this, he looked back at the young cat and smiled.
"You're Clair, right? I'm Reyson! Let's be friends!"
Finally, the static dispersed as the young kitten took the wolf pup's hand.
"Yeah, I had no idea what my powers were or how to control them... and I hated myself for it. You really helped me out back then, Ray." the Clair of the present time said softly. Reyson nodded at his feline friend.
After the incident, the two became fast friends. Reyson's first act of friendship was to introduce Clair to music, something which the cat had never put much thought into before then. Even though child Reyson was a terrible dancer, he shamelessly jammed out to the songs he was playing. Clair was a bit confused at first, maybe even a little mortified, but something about Reyson's energy infected him, and soon, he too was wilding out to the music, feeling a sense of joy he had never felt before. It was around that time that Reyson had suggested the idea that Clair could use his powers to create his own music-and when the cat was finally able to carry a small tune with his powers, he suddenly found himself not hating them as much anymore.
"Man, Ray, we really... spent a lot of time together back then, huh?"
"Yep. Almost every day."
Clair then frowned.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when your mom died... and when your father abused you." Reyson looked up at his friend.
"And I'm sorry I didn't try harder for you when your parents told me you didn't want to see me anymore."
"That wasn't your fault though! A lot had happened, and back then... we..."
A late-high school Reyson had pulled Clair onto the roof to talk. The look on the wolf's face communicated a clear sense of urgency.
"Ray... what's wrong? You usually aren't this serious... or this quiet." Clair asked with a look of visible concern.
"Its mom... she's... she's sick."
"Is that it? Can't you just give her some-"
"Not that kind of sick!" Reyson shouted at his friend.
"Hey!" Clair yelled back, covering his ears. He no longer needed the earplugs, but loud noises were still a pain point for him.
"S-sorry. The doctor's say it was a complication that they missed when I was born... It'll take her in a few weeks if we don't do something... but the treatment... it costs..." Reyson told Clair the price. It was an exorbitant amount that they both knew the wolf's family could not afford.
"Oh... oh no... What are you going to do?"
"I-I don't know! I hate this! Fuck!" Reyson punched the door leading back down the stairs. Clair winced as the noises stung his ears. Clair watched his friend as he despaired, not knowing what to do, when he suddenly came up with an idea.
"Hey, let's ask my parents! They have a lot of money, they could definitely pay for your mom's treatment!" For a moment, Reyson's eyes beamed with hope, but it quickly faded.
"But your parents... they don't like me very much. Are you sure they'd be willing to give all that money just for my mom?" Clair fell silent. Deep down, he knew that it would be nigh impossible to convince them to help Reyson's family, but he also couldn't bear to continue watching Reyson suffer like this. So he lied-a lie he was desperately hoping he could turn into a truth.
"It'll be fine! I'm sure if I beg them enough I can make it happen-and besides, they'd be letting someone die if they didn't! No one in their right mind would let that happen, right?" Reyson seemed convinced by Clair's words, joy returning to his face, he rushed over to Clair and pulled him into a big hug, his tail swishing violently.
"Oh god, thank you-Thank you, Clair! I-" Before Reyson even realized what he was doing, his muzzle was pressed against Clair's lips. The feline's tail and whiskers stood on end, completely shocked at the gesture. It wasn't until a few seconds later when Reyson finally became aware of what he was doing. He opened his eyes in distress and pulled away.
"Clair! That was-I-" He frowned as he saw the look of unease on his friend's face.
"Lubb-dub" The beating sound of Clair's heart started reverberating throughout the school. The students and faculty all looked around in confusion as they wondered where the sound and tremors were coming from. Clair slowly began to stammer out a sentence.
"I... I need to go." Suddenly, he bolted to the door, swinging it open and heading downstairs as fast as his feet could possibly take him. Reyson cried out after him.
"Clair, wait! Please, don't go!" Slowly, but surely, the pulse of Clair's heartbeat quickly faded as he left campus.
"Ray... are you still mad at me for running away from you?" Reyson was silent.
"Do you forgive me for telling you off on the last day of school?" he eventually replied.
"I do." he answered without hesitation. Reyson was silent again. This time for a very long while. When the wolf opened his mouth:
"You're a better person than I am, Clair." Clair frowned, not understanding where Reyson was going with this.
"I understand why you did what you did now. But..." Clair's face stiffened. "...I think I will always be bitter about what happened. I don't blame you for it, but it's something I still hate you for." Clair took a deep breath, and sighed.
A teenage Clair trudged into his home on the same day that Reyson had kissed him with a heavy heart. He immediately regretted having run out on him without an explanation, and promised to himself that he would make things right the next day. His thoughts, however, were interrupted by his mother, who was already primed to scold him.
"You're 15 minutes late... again. Where were you?" Her mother demanded.
The despondent young cat responded: "I... just got distracted on the way home. Sorry, mom."
"Sorry isn't good enough. I bet it was that Reyson boy, wasn't it?" She said with contempt.
"Oh! Speaking of Reyson! His family needs help-his mom-" He was cut off by firm yelling.
"I do not care what that delinquent or his family needs, he is a terrible influence, and your father and I have both had enough of you hanging around him all the time. We've spoken to your teachers at school. If any of them report to us that you've been spending time with him, you're out of this house. Understood?"
Young Clair tensed up in a panic.
"Wha- you can't do that!"
"Actually, we can." His father entered the room, coldly confronting his son. "As we've told you far too many times, your responsibility is to inherit the family business. If you cannot do that, then we have no need for you. Now, you will do as you're told, or pack your belongings and leave this house immediately."
Clair, fearing for his safety in the outside world, felt he had no choice but to obey his parents' demands. Reyson noticed over the next few days that Clair had started to avoid him. Worried that he had caused Clair to hate him, he called his family's house phone one night. With Clair currently out attending a supplementary class, his mom had answered the phone instead.
"Hello? Who is speaking?" Emma answered in her business like demeanor
"Uh... It's Reyson. Can I speak to Clair?" There was some silence. When she spoke again, it was in a warm, motherly tone.
"Oh, dear... I'm sorry, Reyson. Clair has told us that he doesn't want to see you right now." The wolf cub's heart dropped.
"W-what?" Reyson stammered.
"Yes... I'm not sure what's gotten into him. Dale and I both have tried to tell him to make amends, but he simply refuses to! I don't suppose you recently did or said something that may have upset him?" Reyson froze, not wanting to admit what he did to Clair's parents. Her mother continued without waiting for an answer.
"You're a sweet young boy, though, I'm sure you couldn't have done anything like that. Clair can be a little moody sometimes-you know how he is. I'm so sorry to ask you this, but could you please humor us and leave him be, at least for a few weeks? I'm sure at some point he'll forget all about whatever it was that made him so mad in the first place! Could you do that for me?"
"...okay."
Less than a week later, Reyson's mother passed away, far earlier than the doctors had warned. A short funeral service was held, of which neither Clair nor his parents attended. Soon thereafter, Reyson's father..
Reyson continued his thought from earlier.
"However... I also think that someday, I'll be able to forget about all this. Eventually, none of what happened then will matter anymore. It'll all be in the past... it is all in the past." Clair silently mused over that thought, feeling slightly comforted by it. Clair spoke again, with a new question.
"Do you think... what we have between us right now... is healthy?"
"..I don't know. There's a lot of baggage-irreparable damage. But maybe that's not such a bad thing."
"...you think so?"
"...yeah."
It was the day before graduation. Reyson was on the rooftop, as usual. On days where he wasn't working to pay off his father, he would stay there as long as possible-partly to avoid going home, and partly in the vain hope that maybe, maybe Clair would show up. His hands clutched the protective wire fence, and his eyes stared outwards into the sky. He wasn't looking at anything in particular, but he was seeking somewhere far away from where he was now.
Clair had just left out the campus entrance doors, and was getting ready to make the short walk home. He looked up towards the roof, and saw Reyson staring into the distance, as he always does since they stopped spending time together. Suddenly, realization swept over the cat as he decided he had had enough of being terrorized by his parents. He went back inside and headed towards the roof.
Reyson saw that it was almost time to go. If he left much later, his father wouldn't be happy. As he got close to the door leading downstairs, it suddenly swung open, revealing a panting Claire.
A wave of happiness washed over Reyson as he finally got to see his friend again for the first time in months, but as he recalled the recent events he had been through, that happiness quickly faded and was replaced by anger.
"Well... guess you finally decided you weren't angry anymore." Reyson spat out bitterly. Clair was taken aback by his words, not quite sure what to make of them.
"Ray-I... what?" he stammered out.
"Don't play dumb! You promised you'd help my mom! And then just like that, you vanished off the face of the earth. You wouldn't even come near me!" Clair jumped back in alarm, quickly becoming defensive.
"It wasn't like that, I swear!" He pleaded desperately
"Oh? Then tell me, what was it like? You didn't convince your parents and were too scared to tell me? You didn't want to give money to a pathetic poor family? You hated my guts for kissing you? Go ahead, you have several great options!"
Clair clutched his arms in distress.
"R-Reyson! Stop it! You don't know anything that's been going on with me-stop talking like you know everything!"
At those words, Reyson's jaw immediately snapped shut, an instinctive reaction caused by the abuse his father had been putting him through. Clair took the opportunity to explain himself.
"My parents-they threatened me! They said that if I saw you again, I would be kicked out of the house! I was scared, Ray!"
Reyson looked at Clair, confused.
"Your mom told me-" He froze, realizing exactly what had taken place. "-that you... didn't... want.. to see me...anymore....." His words grinded to a halt, as he fell to his knees, filled with betrayal and despair. Clair, making the same realization, made a similar face filled with dread.
"Oh... oh my god." Reyson just stared blankly at his friend, as Clair tried to console him.
"You have to believe me! I wanted to talk to you every single day! There wasn't a single afternoon that went by that I didn't miss you. You're my best friend!"
Regaining his composure for just a moment, Reyson grabbed Clair by the shoulders.
"T-then... do you love me?" The cat shrank and froze. He had certainly thought about this question, and had even expected it when rushing upstairs, but now that the question was out, he found himself drawing a complete blank.
"I... I'm not sure, Ray."
Reyson let go, and slumped down, crestfallen. Clair spoke again.
"Ray... I'm going to the college of arts at -- to study music. I don't care what my parents want anymore. You're going to the same university, right? Let's be friends again... and go back to the way things were before." Reyson stared down at the floor for a moment before looking up at Clair with a pained expression.
"Clair... I can't. This... all of this... it just hurts too much." Clair's expression also cracked, both of them on the verge of breakdowns.
"Ray... I don't want to lose you again."
"I... I'm sorry."
A silence followed that lasted for what felt like an eternity. After both of them had calmed down a bit, Clair broke it after re-examining the bruises on Reyson's face.
"Ray, why have you been all beat up lately? You're not unpopular at school.. Have the others been bullying you?" Reyson didn't look up, but he muttered out a response.
"Dad's been beating me... ever since mom died. He blames me for it."
Unable to fully grasp the weight of his words, it was all Clair could do to utter: "oh... I see... that's too bad."
"Yeah..."
Another wave of emptiness.
"So... is this it? Is our friendship over, just like that?" Clair finally mustered up the courage to ask.
"...I don't know. I need some time away from you, and from... everything. Maybe... when I'm better... if I get better... I don't know..."
It wasn't the answer Clair wanted, but he gritted his teeth and accepted it.
"O-okay. Hey... I want to show you something. This is... thanks to you." Clair put a finger to the side of his temple and closed his eyes. Swinging his finger out, he pulled out an arcane thread with an orb attached to it. Keeping the orb levitating in his hands, he faintly smiled as he released the orb into the air, where it shattered with flashes of green and blue light.
Music: Silly Love - De De Mouse
The music enveloped the school building, though most of the students and faculty had gone, those who remained looked around, wondering where the sudden music was coming from-at least for a little while, before going back to minding their own business.
Reyson watched the shattered particles of light refract against the setting sun with awe as the music filled his ears. Despite the tragedy of the past few months, listening to the music immediately calmed him down, and a temporary wave of peace washed over him. He looked at Clair and gave him a gentle, prideful smile.
"Clair... Be proud of your power; It's going to make a lot of people happy someday."
Clair sucked in a deep breath.
"Reyson... I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say this... but I love you." He looked at the wolf with sad eyes, regretting not having said so sooner. Reyson smiled back at him.
"I know, Clair. I love you too. I always have."
"...Then... should we... I don't know... be boyfriends?" Clair asked, reluctantly. Reyson thought for a moment, and then shook his head.
"I'm happy the way things are now. We care about each other-that doesn't need labels." Clair smiled softly. In a way, he kind of understood what Reyson was getting at.
"So if I... fall for someone else, Ray-would you be jealous?" Reyson thought for a moment.
"Hmm... Probably, but I'd be happy for you and wish you the best. What about you?" Clair became unexpectedly riled up upon being posed the same question.
"Well, of course I'd be jealous! I'd be resentful as all hell and try to break you two up immediately!" Reyson could only chuckle at that.
"You're not lying, are you?"
"O-Of course not!"
"I don't mind when you fuck other guys."
"T-that's different! I don't love them!"
"So would you fuck me?"
*Poof*. Clair.exe has encountered an unexpected error and needs to restart.
..
..
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"I... yeah, of course I would! I think you're sexy..."
"Mm, you think so~?"
Reyson suddenly leaned in close, their faces nearly touching. Flushed with heat, Clair leaned in...
...Only for Reyson to flick him on the nose.
"You're adorable. Let's go home." Clair's sudden surprise quickly turned into belligerence.
"W-What!? We were having a moment! You can't just blue ball me like this! What the hell, dude!?" Clair started ranting as Ray had finished packing both of their few belongings and started for the door.
"I'm leaving." He said looking back towards Clair with a smirk.
"H-Hey! Don't leave me behind, you asshole!"