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Manipulation of the Fox

By Sigurd Mill

@WickandWild gleeted:

_ Anyone have actual enemies? _

@KittyKatplays replied:

_ ** Yeah, he goes by the name Jake Miles. He lied about me and him dating. He also made up that I pushed him toward sexual acts when he wasn't ready. I should have stopped speaking to him in high school.** _

I was having trouble breathing the first two times I read this gleet. My tail was flicking back and forth as I tried calming down. My hurting heart would not relax as I read the gleet five more times. I needed to settle down. My orange fur was standing up and needed to be brushed back into place. I finally looked away from Kyle Smith's gleet and clicked on the profile Kyle was replying to. My heart sank at the number I saw.

Clarencepher, @WickandWild: 15,000 followers.

I also looked at the gloater account which Kyle used. I needed to confirm this was the same Kyle Smith I knew. The account confirmed what I already knew for over a month.

Kyle Smith, @KittyKatplays: 80 followers.

I pondered the relationship I thought I had with Kyle. My closest male friend, at one point my special cat, would never flip out randomly for no reason. Just because we had not seen each other physically in over a year did not mean I was his enemy. I had no presence on gloater, as well as a very limited presence on social media in general, outside of my lurking on gleets. Our occasional messages were limited and mostly just checking up on eachother. There was no justification for this gleet.

I walked back and forth, covering the living room area numerous times. It was already past 3 a.m. and I was limited in who I could talk to even if they were awake. I would not discuss this with my closest friends, who barely knew Kyle and would look down on me after I explained the entire situation. I knew they could lend an ear, but I would look like a complete idiot after explaining everything that I did for Kyle. Most of Kyle's friends were just my acquaintances. With the exception of one, I had never talked with any of his friends one on one and therefore could not discuss my problem with them. I was hoping to avoid getting Kaitlyn involved, but I knew I was probably going to contact her about this development. Kaitlyn was supposed to be both Kyle's friend as well as mine, meaning the german shepherd might be able to help.

Kyle was the first, and only, guy I dated. He always held a special place in my mind and was given priority over my free time even in the years we spent as friends. Growing up in a very conservative community, one has to sometimes be careful of the friends he or she makes. This is especially the case when one is a sexual minority. Since meeting in high school, we had gotten to know each other more and more into adulthood.

The period in which me and him did date was just during freshman year of college. When dating, he had insisted we keep the relationship quiet. An odd choice for someone who would be so proud of his sexuality but not a major issue for ...

That was a red flag.

"Damn it!" I shouted as I hit my leg. Now I started thinking of all the times I should have cut Kyle out of my life. The amount of red flags was undeniably high for someone who was supposed to be my close friend. As I sat down in my grandma's rocking chair, I thought over all the bad moments I experienced.

"Hey Jake, I am gonna be late for tutoring since me and the group are going out for pizza. I will be back by 1:00 p.m." was said by Kyle often enough. Or some variation of going out with friends. Almost never inviting me out to hang with his friends despite reassuring me I was part of the group as well. My free tutoring truly was not as appreciated as it should have been.

That was a red flag.

"Can you go get me some vape juice?" Kyle would commonly ask. Kyle asked me often to pick him up things and never really went out of his way to help me. Very one sided behavior.

Yet another red flag.

Kyle asked me to pick him up a video game on my twenty-first birthday. He did not even care that it was my birthday. He barely acknowledged it, and it was through people I would consider closer to acquaintances who took me to the bar that night and treated me for my birthday.

A very bright red flag.

I was never appreciated. Moreso, the best explanation for Kyle's behavior was not a positive one. Considering other actions he took, and the times he would try playing nice, revealed a disturbing pattern. Only one word could describe the truth of the matter. I would not use this term lightly and never had fully considered the implications of Kyle's actions, but I could not think of a better word.

Manipulation

I may have thought about this word at times in the past, however, I could never accuse Kyle of manipulating me until now. At times when I did help Kyle out he would call me a lifesaver. Kyle even once mentioned he would put that on my tombstone. I now saw how I was being kept under his control and allowing myself to trust the feline.

When I lent him money I was called a lifesaver. That was the most common time I heard that expression. Until the day I stopped being as generous. He really had no intention of paying me back or appreciating all I did for him. I had been manipulated for years. All it took was something that showed Kyle's true feelings in a place he thought I would never see it.

With this realization, I ripped a clump of fur out of my tail. Tears flowing out of my eyes as I realized how much of my life I had wasted. Wasted on a stupid fake friendship.

I recalled the times he would be annoyed at me pushing him to let me tutor him when he wanted to play his video games. Getting Kyle to study was often difficult, as outside of class and work he wanted time to play. That cat was always stubborn. I just wanted to help him, and he acted like I was pulling teeth. Beyond the tutoring, the time I spent with him was mostly with Kyle's other friends on the college campus in the commons building. Kyle really never did invite me out when he went out with his other friends.

The feline just wanted everything positive from me and never the negative aspects of myself. He would usually not want to hear much from me when I would talk with him about my own subjects or interests that he did not share. Even telling me "nobody cares" at times or asking me why I would think something. Yet, he would tell me how grateful he was whenever I did something that benefited him. Kyle walked a fine line that kept me close, but would always seek to remind me of how low I was.

I had calmed down a little bit as I recalled the times I had truly felt the worst due to Kyle. There were a few notable times that I nearly stopped my friendship with the stubborn cat. These were crimson red flags which truly upset me when they occured. I had chosen to let them go for the most part, but now they were an issue again. As I adjusted myself into the chair, I wiped my tears away.

One of the earliest instances that caused me distress was when I was told by another friend of mine what she overheard. She was studying in a student lounge when Kyle talked bad about me. The feline made rude comments about me, stating that I was gross among other things. I was upset reading about this, and shared some angry thoughts with her, but I chose to let it go. It was the first time I was extremely upset with him. Kyle could have been in a bad mood and just decided to say shit about me.

After I had started tutoring my cat friend, getting him to study at times could be hard. I convinced him to come to the college campus and study over thanksgiving break. I would be present to help him study for finals. We agreed to a specific time, and I arrived on campus at nine in the morning. After an hour, I messaged him a few times to see what was causing him to be late. I messaged a few more times as I waited. Eventually, with Kyle being over 3 hours late, I sent him a final sarcastic message and went home.

Well that was a great and productive study day. I had a great time helping you learn. I can't wait to tutor you more in the future!

Kyle, two hours after my message was sent, texted:

My dog died.

I felt like a complete jackass when I was informed that his dog died. I quickly talked about how unfortunate that was and tried consoling him. The next day, I was told by someone else about what Kyle did after his dog died. Instead of him being extremely upset and overcome with grief, he was playing video games the entire time I waited for him. He could have easily texted me to let me know he was not gonna come. Just a simple cancellation of plans would have been sufficient. I was not given the slightest consideration.

That was one of the biggest slaps in the face crimson red flag. I almost ended the friendship over this. I internally decided that this would be discussed at some point in future, but it would wait till after the semester was over. I was truly upset at Kyle. I was also disappointed in the cat. He should have known better. I was supposed to be a friend and he was not treating me like one.

Nothing that Kyle did, however, compared to the worst thing anyone ever did to me. The time I actually tried to talk to him about our issues. With support from Kaitlyn, I managed to put together a powerpoint presentation. I had previously tutored him using powerpoints along with other methods. Kaitlyn had also approved of the idea. I was gonna lecture my supposed friend about all the problems I had. I thought finally addressing our short lived romantic relationship, along with various problems during our regular friendship, would fix things. I had texted Kaitlyn everything about our relationship along with the completed powerpoint. We arranged a specific date where she could be present along with me and the cat.

The problem was that I trusted Kyle to be a reasonable individual. I thought I could speak to the cat like he was an adult. This was my mistake.

On the day we met so that I could present my powerpoint, Kyle was furious. He knew all about what I had planned and had allegedly read my presentation. He knew Kaitlyn's password on her phone, letting the sneaky feline read everything I texted. Kyle yelled at me in a public building on a college campus. I was stunned as I suffered a ten minute rant about how I was terrible and had dug myself into a giant hole. He would not calm down when I asked him to, and never let up until he was done. After a short respite, he yelled at me for a couple more minutes and left me to cry.

My heart rate was extremely high. I struggled to breath for several minutes after he was done yelling. Even when driving home, I felt extremely on edge. I suffered nightmares and got anxious at very slight things for a couple weeks. Kyle fundamentally hurt me both mentally and physically through mental trauma.

I made up with Kyle, at least that is what I thought at the time, but still suffered from the mental trauma. I did not want to bring the subject up again since Kyle seemed to be making an effort to be nicer to me. And within a couple months, Kyle and I stopped meeting each other when the world experienced a pandemic that led to my own isolation. For my family's sake, I kept away from anything unnecessary and mostly stayed at home. I tried keeping in contact with the feline through messages, yet it could not replace speaking in person. Eventually the messages stopped outside of the occasional greeting and quick conversation. Even the death of my grandfather only got some basic condolences.

I truly should have been smarter. Kyle was obviously the type of person to only care for himself and only pretend to care for others. I was blinded by the small number of times he was good to me. The fact that I was a lifesaver. The fact that we dated for a time. He was the only person I ever did anything sexual with. It was odd how we dated suddenly and ended suddenly. He asked me out just like that, and wanted to end it just like that.

Hold on a second.

He used dating me to enforce his manipulation.

I should have known better and I fell for his tricks.

As soon as this thought hit my mind, I started hitting the back of my neck. I beat my neck a good 3 times before stopping. I knew better as an adult not to harm myself. It just felt like the only way to relieve my sorrow. No longer would I be hurting if I was not able to think. My stupid head just wanted me to suffer.

After Kyle dated me, he started asking more of me and I obliged most of the time. It is easy to imagine that he only dated me so that I would be more likely to aid him after being romantically involved. This whole realization caused me to hate myself for falling for basic manipulative tactics. I was the dumbest fox. I was a worthless fox.

My biggest problem had been the great feeling I received from being praised by Kyle. It made me feel worth something when my cat friend called me a lifesaver. Every time I heard that phrase I felt that my life had importance. It kept me coming back to Kyle. He read me like an open book. The cat knew how to get a fox with few good friends to be desperate for a "great friend". I felt good knowing I was helping someone.

After my little tantrum, I knew that I had to try and settle things. I needed to talk to Kyle, even if it was a final conversation. If I brought up this gleet, the cat could just refuse to speak about it and just block me. I needed someone else to talk to him. I only had one option to communicate my thoughts with him.

I needed to rely on Kaitlyn.

Kaityln would be considered Kyle's closest friend. She seemed like a trustworthy canine who would listen to me at least. I would compose a message to her once I had settled down. I needed an inbetween who would be able to get the stubborn feline to actually listen. Kyle would just block me as soon as I brought up the issue. I had to have faith in Kaitlyn to handle Kyle. If anyone could talk things through with the cat, it would be her.

*Two weeks later*

Can not wait until you talk things over with Kyle. I am hopeful that this is all a misunderstanding. I know deep down that I must mean something as a friend.

I had sent the text to Kaitlyn late the previous night. She had strangely not read it yet and it was almost noon. The german shepherd was to speak with Kyle which would give the cat a chance to correct the record. I just wanted a conversation where he would not just block me immediately for being divisive. I was not asking for much.

After a couple more hours, I knew something was wrong. Kaitlyn and Kyle should have talked by now and I should have heard something from at least one of them. I knew that the conversation had failed when I noticed I could not send messages to Kaitlyn anymore. I checked Kyle immediately after, and I could not send messages to him either.

I had been blocked by both of them.

No message sent before being blocked. No signal from Kaitlyn that she did not believe what I said. No explanation from Kyle for why he would not even listen to his best friend. No final message from my supposed "friend'' before he blocked me.

No justification for breaking my heart.

I had gotten past the worst of things when I first saw the gleet. My heart had been broken that night with that gleet. That feline had shown unquestionably how he felt about me. I was not a friend to him for a long time at least. He used me to benefit himself. That selfish cat had no care for how much he could hurt someone. His denial of our short dating period and acting like all our time as friends did not matter showed me his true colors.

Kyle likely lied to Kaityln. That feline probably fed her lies and manipulated her to take his side on everything. Crafty cat probably showed her the worst parts of myself and used that to discredit the evidence I presented. I could not blame the german shepherd for taking his side. They were best friends. I just wish she would have told me how the conversation went before blocking me.

I had myself to blame for the amount of effort I put forth in the friendship. Almost any sane individual would have stopped being friends a long time before Kyle blocked me. I was an idiot. The dumbest and most worthless fox of all. If all my efforts could not maintain my only male friendship, who would want to be my friend? There was only one acceptable way to make myself feel better.

I had to make new friends.

Making friends would not be easy. I had not made new friends in a long time. I would need to step into new territory. I had essentially no online presence still, but I had a gleet account to potentially meet new people. I doubted I would have much success, however, I was willing to try.

I had nothing to lose by getting involved in an online community.

*Six months later*

In spite of my skepticism, I had managed to make new friends. Not one, not two, but dozens of friends! I had gone from only a few good friends to a surplus of friends.

I felt so much better! I had friends who I could discuss everything with. Other friends who are good to talk with on shared interests. I had odd friends who were certainly still great to talk with. Some friends who were extremely helpful to me. I even had friends who would tease me often in a loving manner.

Most importantly, I felt worth something. I felt worthless and got a confidence boost when Kyle would say I was a lifesaver. I no longer needed someone to praise me after I helped them to feel worthy. My own self worth was no longer tied to a toxic cat. The selfish, stubborn, toxic feline was no longer tied to my own mental health.

I was no longer under someone's manipulation.