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From the Journals of Eshere, Sex-Jelly Scholar:

Here is an account of my first impressions of Tik Tik's Tower--a wizard's study that my employer and friend had obtained through adventures out in the Wastes to the East. While the details are slim, I have extracted through careful questioning the origins of Tik Tik's newfound funding. While I am unsure who this "Lord Anish" is, I am confident that he is a benefactor of considerable wealth and high expectations for his investments.

I got my wizardly friend to open up about her business partner because she was in a generous mood. At the time, she was sitting upon a tiny chair, which was overstuffed but perfectly sized for the diminutive magus.

"Tik Tik made deal with Lord Anish," she admitted. "Lots magical research, and lots use Tik Tik's spell to help move product. In return, Tik Tik get money."

"Money?" I asked. "That's rather curious. I never knew you to be one to be overly concerned with the accumulation of wealth. You were always more interested in acquiring knowledge and friends."

"Money is how Tik Tik make new things," said my comrade. "Money help Tik Tik meet new friends. Money let Tik Tik help old friends. Money got this item. Tik Tik made changes, but it mostly same. What think?"

She produced from behind the cushion a small package. I took it from her, the paper yielding to my slime senses the remembrance of rushed deliveries by underpaid parcel handlers. Practically everything I touch has physical evidence behind it that I can absorb. A bit of dust here, a strand of hair there. Such discarded material isn't the best meal; however, it has its uses in acquiring knowledge, if even slightly.

Suctioning off the upper layer with my cytoplasm, I revealed the parcel's contents: a small, rectangular box that held a great surprise within-a pen radiating with the aura of magic.

"This is quite a gift. Only the aristocracy has access to magical writing technology. But what does it do? Is it some sort of automated writing device? No, if it were that, then you'd use it for yourself, surely."

"Tik Tik found and worked cursed pen," she said, tapping her fingers together. "Think it be fun for Eshere but not fun for others."

"I fail to see why I should be happy to be the owner of a cursed item. What exactly have you cursed me with?"

Tik Tik snickered, pressing her knuckles against her chin, leaning in with her brilliant blue eyes fluttering. "Nothing, Tik Tik hopes. Cursed items only stick when the owner uses them. But Tik Tik is curious. Go ahead, write something."

"But Tik Tik," said I, "This is empty, not to mention a magical trap, as you have told me."

"Trust me, yes?"

I took a piece of notepaper, not wanting any crucial documents to burst into flame by some prank, although Tik Tik had never intentionally done me harm. Every request of hers led to a surprise, and this proved no exception.

As I pressed the pen's tip to the paper, a brilliant green gel immediately slid upon the paper. The end of the implement glid along with such simplicity that I could not help but exclaim at the ease of the script writing.

Tik Tik giggled at the sound I made. Honestly, her laugh is adorable and infectious.

"I don't understand. What is this?" I asked, feeling a strange camaraderie with the words upon the page--a simple signature. It is, after all, always good to practice new writing implements.

"It is Pen of the Self." Tik Tik said, crossing one leg over the other. "Dangerous for most, yes, but maybe not Eshere."

"You keep speaking as if you're not certain. I don't know if I should be worried or not. But why is it a danger, exactly?"

Tik Tik giggled and continued, leaning back with an elbow upon one of the cushioned arms.

"Ideas are dangerous in places. So, some people like make dangerous idea-makers put ideas down in dangerous way. Pen of the Self uses self to write words that don't fade. Easy magic, but hurt most things. It takes blood, bone, flesh, bile, anything really."

I examined the pen, narrowing my gaze at the droplet of green that oozed from the tip. "So, this device takes from my cytoplasm and produces words that shall not fade?"

Tik Tik nods. "Very helpful in wet situations or super sunny ones, yes? Using paper magic to make pages not crumble, words can exist forever!"

"A truly marvelous idea! But, what if it doesn't take from my cytoplasm and instead from my core?"

"It won't if Eshere keeps replenish oozy bits." Tik Tik assured me. "Does Eshere think she write until nothing left but core?"

"I confess, that would seem to be impossible. After all, my core cannot move without any of the slime surrounding it."

I carefully replaced the pen back into its case and placed said case on my lap. It sank inside of me, floating into my gelatinous form, where it could be safe. "I thank you for this gift."

"No problem," Tik Tik said, clapping her hands together. "Only best for Tik Tik's scribe. Write down all Eshere sees when on Tik Tik business, yes?"

---

Indeed, The very words of this journal are written in the brilliant green that comes from my body. Every last bit of our adventures together is now preserved through the ages with the magic of the Pen. Because it is written of myself and the sacrifice I made with each stroke, it shall never blur nor fade. Truly, a remarkable gift.

---

"Now then," Tik Tik said, picking up a teacup, and she poured a viscous amber fluid within it, swirling it in before she took a sip. "Tik Tik need discuss some things with you."

"Perhaps," I suggested, "We should start by discussing that marvelous invention and when you'll use it to take us back to our university?"