FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It was a rather normal day in New Sierra. People flowed through the heart of the city like red blood cells through an urban circulatory system. Somewhere in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of the downtown district was a brick building that didn’t jump out to the naked eye. It seemed like yet another construction that acted as set dressing for the big city vibe of the world. But in this building lived many people and one of them was a man, more specifically a hyena. This hyena’s name was Dan. Wearing jeans and a shirt that simply said “PUNCH YOUR LOCAL NAZI” in big bold letters on the front, he laid in his bed, his guitar on top of him as he idly strummed out a few chords. G. A. D. He had been trying to learn a new song he liked but it was proving to be more difficult than he anticipated. Maybe if he just focused really hard? It was worth a shot as Dan tunes out the world around him, zeroing in on his instrument. No distractions, just him, his guitar and absolutely no one else.

“DAN!” The hyena nearly jumps out of his skin as an otter who was very familiar to him pops into view. “Holy shit, Mikey! Almost gave me a heart attack!” Mikey can’t help but laugh out loud at his friend’s startled reaction. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to!” He chuckles some more. “Do you regret leaving your door unlocked for me so I can crash in your apartment?” “Don’t make me reconsider it.” Dan snarks. “So what brings you here anyways?”

The otter was wearing jeans with holes in them (Dan knew Mikey long enough to know that he had made those holes on purpose.) as well as a DARE shirt. He was also, of course, wearing his beanie that had a seashell on it, an item of clothing Dan swears never actually left Mikey’s head. “Did you hear?” His stoner friend asks. “We got a new person living here!” “Wow, really?” Dan seems genuinely surprised. “Been a while since we’ve had one of those.” “Yeah, probably because most people have the sense to stay away from here.” Mikey jokes, causing Dan to chuckle a little bit. “Trruuueeee. Not exactly a five star resort.” The two lived in an old tenement building in the downtown area of NS. It… wasn’t optimal living, to say the least, but it was the only place they could afford the rent on their meager paychecks. “Soooo.” Mikey continues. “I was thinking we go introduce ourselves!” Dan seems a bit perplexed. “Why?” “Because it’s nice to meet new faces?” Mikey answers. “We could make a new friend!” Dan didn’t seem so convinced of how easy it would be, but he knew how Mikey was. The otter was always the embodiment of that old joke about extroverts dragging their introvert friends out to parties and Dan just so happened to be that very introvert friend. In his defense, Dan admitted that he could probably stand to get out and put himself out there more, so after giving it some thought, Dan agreed and the two went to meet the new person they shared the apartment building with.

Dan and Mikey make polite conversation as they head down to meet the new tenant, the dealer asking “So how’s the new job, by the way?” Dan nonchalantly shrugs. “It’s a job.” “Hehhh. What, working at a marketing firm doesn’t exactly inspire passion?” Mikey rhetorically remarks. Dan lets out a little laugh. “Honestly, I think that’s every job for me. But that’s an entirely different discussion.” Mikey gives Dan one of those playful jabs on the shoulder. “Nothing quite like being a wage slave, huh?” Dan smirks, shaking his head. “Nope. I love running on treadmills just to earn the privelege to keep running on those treadmills.” Mikey blows a raspberry. “See, this is why I’m a freelancer.” “That’s a fun way to say you sell drugs in back alleys.” The yeen jokes.

“Hey, I get to set my own hours and still make plenty of bank. Beats out any nine to five I’ve ever had.” Mikey returns. Dan had to admit a part of him was jealous that the otter didn’t have to answer to some tightwad boss like he did with Seamus. But also: “You’ve only ever had one nine to five.” Mikey’s expression remains completely unchanged as he simply responds with “Did I stutter?” “......OK, fair.” Dan couldn’t argue with that logic.

“So you coming to my family’s Hanukkah celebration again?” Mikey changes the subject. “Of course!” Dan happily confirms. “I had a lot of fun last time. Besides, your parents’ latkes are amazing.” Mikey beams. “I know, right? Everyone I share them with says they’re the best they ever had.” “I can see why! Certainly better than any of the stuff I’ve had at any of the Christmas parties I’ve been to.” Mikey does a fist pump. “Ha! My side wins again!” Dan scoffs. “You say that like I didn’t lapse out of ‘my side” in high school.” Mikey chuckles. “Yeah, you went from Protestant to atheist.” “Agnostic.” Dan politely but firmly corrects, thought the correction seems lost on his semi-aquatic friend. “Still not sure what the difference is.” Dan sighs. “Atheism is explicitly saying there is no god. Agnosticism is saying that there may not be a god, but there may also be a god. It’s basically religious Switzerland.”

The pair’s riveting discussion of religious preferences is interrupted when they arrive at the apartment they were looking for. The yeen and the otter stand there for a moment, before Mikey gestures towards the door. “Well? Give it a knock.” Dan seems surprised his friend wants him to do it. “Oh, me?” “Yeah!” Mike confidently answers. “Just a little tap on the door.” “OK.” Dan steps up to the door and raises a hand to knock. He gives pause, thinking about the scenarios in which this could go wrong. What if this person was unfriendly? What if they just wanted to be left alone? Was it weird to try to interact with this person like they were obligated because they lived in the same apartment building? “Dan, don’t think about it too much.” It seemed Mikey caught on to the socially awkward yeen’s nervousness. Dan sighs. “You know meeting new people isn’t easy for me.” Mikey nods. “Dan, I understand that, but everyone’s a stranger before you get to know them.” “I mean, true. But that doesn’t make it easier.” Dan understood where he was coming from, but his brain simply didn’t work like Mikey’s when it came to social interaction. Mikey seemed to just let the words flow like a river, but Dan mulled over every word, every possible way someone could react because he was afraid of saying the wrong thing and pissing someone he cared about off. Mikey, seeming to detect Dan’s hesitance, places a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “It’s like anything. It just gets easier the more you do it.”

The two stop talking as they hear the click of a door knob rotating, before the door to the apartment cracks open a bit. Through the small gap, they can see the face of someone, specifically an opossum poking out. This must’ve been the newcomer.

“Can I help you?” There’s an awkward pause as everyone looks at each other, before Dan breaks the silence. “Did… did you hear us-” “Talking through the door? Yes, yes I did.” The opossum bluntly answers. There’s a second, even longer pause that’s ten times more awkward, before Mikey’s the one to break it. “Oh hey! You must be the new kid in town, right?” “....yeah?” The new arrival seems unsure of how to react, which spikes Dan’s anxiety somewhat. “Well, uh.” Mikey continues. “We figured we should introduce ourselves. I’m Mikey, the hyena’s my friend Dan. We know moving into a new place is hard, so I thought maybe it would help to be friendly.” The opossum doesn’t seem fully convinced, even somewhat suspicious. “What are you guys, feds?” Mikey, without hesitation, reaches under his cap and pulls out a small plastic baggie full of cocaine. “Would a fed carry this around?”

The opossum closes the door. Dan sighs. “Well that was a riveting succe-” His snide remark is cut off by the sound of the chain bolt being slid out of place and the knob turning, the opossum fully opening the door. “OK, point taken.” The marsupial says. “You guys aren’t feds.” The opossum was wearing a neon yellow long sleeved jacket with a purple shirt underneath, as well as some comfy looking shorts. The two could see over the new arrival’s shoulder into the apartment. The first thing that caught the boys’ eye was the fancy computer setup. The second thing was a poster proclaiming “Binary is for code, not for gender.” which combined with the pride pin in the colors of the non-binary flag Dan and Mikey now noticed on the opossum’s jacket, made it very easy to pick up on how the animal wanted to be referred. “Name’s Cam.” The opossum truly introduces themself. “Hey Cam!” Mikey buoyantly says, before looking at the baggie he was still holding. “This is for sale if you want it.” Cam shakes their head. “Nahhh, I’m straight edge.” They give pause. “......I mean, maybe snorting blow off a hooker’s ass would do me some good. But I choose to abstain anyway.” Both Dan and Mikey get a hearty chuckle out of that. “Hey, I respect that.” Mikey says, slipping the illicit substance back under his hat. “Good!” Cam nods. “So I presume you sell drugs. And you?” They point at Dan. “Uhhh… I work at a marketing firm.” “Wow, that’s boring.” Cam bluntly responds, to which the hyena can’t even offer a real rebuttal because they were entirely right. “What about you?” Dan does ask. The brightly dressed opossum seems to have to give it some thought, before finally answering

“Wellllll, since you guys don’t seem to be cops or anything like that, I can let you in on my trade. Just a little bit. As long as you swear on your lives you won’t tell anyone.” Dan and Mikey look at each other before nodding in agreement to keep it under wraps. “Good, because if I find out you shared this with anyone, I’ll rip your intestines out and play jump rope with them while you bleed out to death.” The opossum says without breaking their cheery demeanor. The otter and the hyena just stare wide-eyed in dead silence. The suddenly threatening marsupial giggles. “Just kidding! Maybe…”

Cam walks over and takes a seat at their computer. “Welcome to my base of operations. You caught me in the middle of doing some work.” “Do you work from home?” Mikey asks, shaking off the shock of the Cam’s very creative threat. “You could say that.” Cam responds. “It’s how I make money, but it’s not exactly a job.” “What does that mean?” “Welp.” Cam finally comes clean. “I’m a hacker. I mostly do it for myself, but when I need money, I take up contract work.” “Ohhhh.” Dan and Mikey understand now why they were secretive about it. Much like the otter, their chosen gig could also land them in hot water if they were found out. But there were many types of hackers, as Dan is quick to ask about.

“So are you the ‘Guy Fawkes mask’ type of hacker or are you the ‘looting bank accounts’ type of hacker?” Cam spins around in their swivel chair. “I’m whatever type of hacker I feel like. Sometimes I feel benevolent and get rid of people’s medical debt. Sometimes I feel a bit evil and steal credit card info.” “I expected more sunglasses and techno music.” Mikey comments, causing the opossum to look at him with a blank stare. “Do you get all your ideas about hacking from Hollywood?” The drug dealing sea sausage simply responds with a semi-smirking “Maaaaaaaybe?”. Cam rolls their eyes. “Oh please, that stuff’s written by a bunch of idiots who don’t actually know how this stuff works. Nobody ever actually says anything like-” They turn back to look at their screen and gasp. “I’m in!”

Mikey’s own face lights up. “Oooooh! What are you breaking into? Bank accounts? Government files? The CIA watchlist?” Cam gestures towards the screen. “Right now, it’s the computer of the CEO at Panacea Medical Technologies. Y’know, the guys who tried to copyright tech for augmented limbs that could match the user’s fur color and body type so they could charge highway robbery prices for it?” Dan groans in disgust. “Oh god, I remember that. Fuck those guys.” Cam nods. “Agreed. Let’s just say that I might have some personal beef with them.”

Cam pulls back the long sleeve on their left arm. Dan quickly realizes something: Cam’s left arm was an augmentation, a cybernetic limb in place of the genuine article. He could make out the point where organic flesh ended and the artificial began. The computer whiz seemed to take note of this. “Before you ask, car accident.” Dan just nods in a silent understanding. Mikey meanwhile seemed to look on in awe like the replacement arm was the coolest thing he had ever seen and in fairness, it was pretty cool. Cam pops open a slot on the arm, revealing some sort of port, before they take one of the cables running from the computer and plug it directly into that very port. “I have a hidden hard drive on this thing.” Cam explains. “It’s like a USB drive but I can carry so much more on it. Makes it really handy for carrying around information and files where I need them to be.” “What are you downloading off this guy’s computer?” Dan inquires, to which the opossum explains further. “Future plans and schematics. The idea is that I just upload them onto the Internet for free so people can circulate them and build the tech themselves rather than have to shell out the dough they’d absolutely charge for it.” “Oooooh, nice.” Mikey gives his approval and Dan nods as well to show his support. “Aaaaaand done!” The download meter hits one hundred percent as Cam unplugs the cable from their arm, stretching it a bit. “Y’know, I get some people prefer to have their replacement limbs look and function like the real deal, but personally I like to take advantage of having a cool robot arm. It allows me to do so many things I can’t do with my fleshy one. Like this!”

The middle finger on Cam’s cybernetic limb sticks straight up, pointed right in Dan’s direction. Dan looks very unimpressed and slightly annoyed. “Really?” “OK, I swear to god, I didn’t do that.” Cam defends themself. Dan crosses his arms. “Suuuuure.” “No, I’m actually being honest! My arm did that on its own!” Suddenly, the offending appendage swings around and backhands Mikey in the face. “OW! My nose!” The otter holds his face. Dan shouts in alarm. “What are you doing!?” “I don’t know!” Cam’s arm starts spinning in circles like a category five hurricane. It’s at this point that Dan’s initial disbelief falls away and he starts to think Cam may actually be telling the truth. “I- I think my arm got a virus!” “How!?” The two understandably ask, but Cam doesn’t really have an answer. “Just help me make it stop!”

Dan is the first to try to help put a stop to the autonomous arm attack, but it doesn’t work out as the arm simply grabs and turns him around harshly, causing Dan to double over disoriented. That was somewhat expected. Significantly less expected was Cam’s augmented limb grabbing the exposed waistband of Dan’s underwear and giving it a firm Yank! “GAHHH! What the fuck, really!?” Dan is in utter disbelief that, out of all things, the rampant arm gave him a goddamn wedgie. “What kind of middle school-” His complaints are cut off by the limb only hiking his underwear up further, cutting into his beige behind like butter. He’s seeing spots and so are Cam and Mikey as his bespeckled butt is left exposed. Dan had picked a very bad day to wear those Minimon undies his mom had got him for Christmas one time. “I thought you said you weren’t into that franchise anymore?” Mikey asks. “MIKEY, DOES NOW LOOK LIKE AN APPROPRIATE TIME?” Dan shouts, causing the otter to shut his trap. Before he can fight back, the arm pulls up way high, lifting Dan nearly off the ground as he whimpers, the fabric of his undies slicing his cake like a hot knife. He’s finished off by the arm dropping the atomic bomb and pulling his undies over his head, letting the waistband go as it snaps into place over his eyes. “This…is why…I don’t leave the house.” Dan says to himself.

Next up was Mikey, who seizes Cam from behind, attempting to restrain the opossum and their arm from causing any harm, wrapping his own arms around their torso. It seems to actually work for a bit. But then the arm reaches down between Cam and the otter, below waist level.

And it grabs.

And it squeeeeeezes.

“OOOOOOOOH, FUCK!” Mikey’s voice immediately ratchets up several octaves until its a hoarse helium whisper. Dan winces involuntarily in a sort of sympathy many men knew all too well. Cam, on the other hand, would probably laugh a bit if it wasn’t for the situation they were locked up in. The mechani-claw keeps its iron grip firmly locked, Mikey’s eyes going so cross you’d think his pupils would crash into each other like freight trains. “GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!” The otter fidgets around, trying to dislodge the diabolical device. He tries prying it off with his bare hands before he finally gives up. As if it sensed he was truly and totally defeated, the hand lets go, giving Mikey room to stumbe back cupping himself before dropping to his knees. “Hate… all of my hate…” He mutters in agony.

With the boys taken out of the fight at the moment, Cam gets into a wrestling match with their own arm, trying to hold the piece of scrap back. Alas, the mechanical might of the limb proved to be too powerful for Cam’s organic arm to counter as it suddenly reaches down and grabs the waist of their pants. “Wait, wha-” Cam barely has time to react as their pants are pulled down, unveiling the computer code print underwear they were wearing. Cam stands there for a moment, blushing severely. “This thing is somehow more immature than I am.” They mutter. Then their arm rears back before giving a solid Spank! upon their left buttock. “GAHH! Spanking!? Really?? What kind of dumb-” Without warning, the hacker’s hacked hand pulls back before giving another smack, this time upon the marsupial’s right cheek. “MOTHERFUCKER!” Cam’s shrill expletive does not stop the arm from continuing its all out ass assault. Going left, right, left, right, left, right like soldiers marching, the rogue appendage alternates hearty slaps between the opossum’s cheeks, Cam giving out little yelps with each whack, smack and thwack on either side of their crack, each blow rippling their cheeks. While this was happening, Dan struggled to remove his own underwear from over his head. “Stupid fucking piece of junk.” He can be heard muttering to himself, before finally managing to unhook his briefs from blinding him. Snarling, Dan picks up the nearest blunt instrument he can find, in this case a baseball bat.

“FUCKING STOP!” Cam shouts at the top of their lungs. They finally seemed to reach their breaking point as they reach over with their organic arm and grabbing at the point the cyber arm was attached to the rest of their body, unlocking and removing the malicious mechanism. The arm wriggles around, the computer whiz fighting to hold it in place with only one hand. However, they smirk when they see Dan pick up the baseball bat. “Batter up!” Cam shouts, before tossing their now separated gauntlet into the air towards Dan. The hyena, seeing the opportunity, takes a wild swing at the severed arm, the bat connecting with a resounding Smaaaash! as the limb is sent flying. The arm impacts the wall with a loud thud, before dropping to the floor with a similar, softer clunk and coming to a standstill.

“Is… is it dead?” Dan cautiously and timidly reaches down with the bat and prods at the beaten prosthesis. It doesn’t budge. “OK, I think it’s done-” The hand suddenly spasms to life, eliciting a very calm “AHH FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” out of Dan. Cam immediately falls flat on their back with their remaining arm and legs stuck straight up in the air, tongue sticking out of their mouth. Mikey immediately covers himself in sheer terror. Dan wastes no time, acting with lightning quick reflexes as he smashes the damned phantom limb until it was nothing but broken bits of circuitry and wiring. The hyena breathes heavily. “OK, NOW it’s dead.” He says, before dropping the bat, letting it fall onto the floor with a loud clattering noise. Everything is awkward and still as everyone nurses themselves, until Cam cuts in, probably realizing this was the opportunity to make a very particular joke:

“WHO’S LAUGHING NOW!?”

The room is deathly silent, until suddenly Dan lets out a little chuckle. Then he lets out a big chuckle. His laugh keeps ascending up the scale until eventually he reaches the fabled full-blown hyena cackle. Such laughter proved to be contagious, as slowly Cam and Mikey started laughing as well, as if the sheer absurdity of what just happened was finally dawning upon them. “What the fuck even just happened?” Mikey says through his laughter. “I dunno, but you really should’ve seen the look on your face.” Cam smiles. “Hey, your face wasn’t pretty either when you were smacking your own ass!” Dan cuts in, continuing to cackle. They just laugh and laugh, until eventually dying down. “Ahhhhh.” The three of them needed that. It was nice to get something out of this situation at least. Mikey gestures with his thumb towards the apartment door. “I’m gonna go smoke a bowl… and get some ice. Shalom.” The otter awkwardly waddles out of the room to partake in some home remedies, leaving an exhausted hyena and opossum to themselves.

Cam looks sheepishly at the apartment floor, idly rubbing the back of their head. “Sorry about the whole… ‘my arm gaining a mind of its own and trying to hurt you’ thing.” Dan shrugs. “It’s fine, I don’t think any of us expected that, needless to say.” “Yeahhhh….” Cam seems a bit nervous. “You aren't gonna tell the landlord, are you?” Dan chuckles. “Cam, we alrrady agreed to not tell anyone. Besides, one of my best friends is a drug dealer. You really think I’m the type to snitch?” “Good point.” Cam concedes, before shyly confessing “I didn’t mean any of what I said about your intestines and what not. I’m unhinged, but I’m not that unhinged.” “I figured.” Dan says, causing the opossum to give a doubtful expression. “I dunno. They remark. “You seemed pretty scared.” “No comment.” Dan lightly laughs. “I’m mostly sorry you lost all those files. That could’ve been really awesome to dump on tjose jackasses at Panacea.” Dan is surpised when Cam just gives a sly smirk back.

“Dan, do you know what one of the first rules of working with computers is?” They walk over to their computer and pull out a small thumb drive that was plugged in this entire time. “Always back up your most important files.” “So wait, does that mean-” “I still got every single fucking thing on them, baby!” “Haaaa, nice!” Dan and Cam cheer, excited that it all worked out in the end. “I just need to go in and delete whatever file they included that fucked up my arm and we should be good.” The hyena smiles. “Awesome. Well, I should probably get going. Need a change of underwear. It was cool to meet you though!” Dan turns away to walk out. “Dan, wait!” Cam chimes in, causing Dan to turn back towards them. They seem very awkward as they ask a question.

“Could you guys come back tomorrow?” Dan wasn’t sure why they would ask. “Hmm? Why’s that?” “I just…” Cam seems to pause, trying to figure out what words they wanted to use, before coming clean. “I’m just really happy you guys came to talk to me. It’s nice to talk to people in real life for once.” “Ohhhhhh…” Dan comes to the realization that the opossum was like him in that regard. “Meeting new people is hard for me.” Dan just warmly smiles at their comment. “Don’t I know it?” The two share a bit of laughter together. “Yeahhhh. Would you believe that someone whose biggest thing in life is sitting at their computer alone doesn’t exactly have a booming social life?” Cam indulges in a bit of self-deprecating humor. “I, for one, am shocked.” Dan smirks, before returning to a more polite expression. “But yes, I’m cool with hanging out more.” “Awwww!”

The opossum embraces Dan in a hug, their head coming up to his chest, making Dan realize how short Cam actually was. “That makes me so happy, you don’t even know.” Dan was happy that seemed to make the marsupial’s day. Cam pulls back on their hug a bit, looking up at Dan’s face. “Well if you ever have computer problems, you know who to call!” The hyena smiles. “I’m presuming you don’t work for free?” Cam shakes their head. “Of course not! Do I look like I work for exposure?” “Oh god, I would never make you do that.” Dan knew better than to make people work for free. “How much?” Cam places their thumb and index finger on their chin in the thinking emoji position, before coming up with a payment. “I accept payments in free fast food.” Dan nods. “I think we can arrange that.” “Awesome!”

The two hug it out some more. Well shit, Dan thinks to himself. Mikey was right after all. Everyone is a stranger before you get to know them, but getting to know someone who ends up becoming a good friend? It was truly worth it.