FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

To fully understand this story, it would be best to start with my other 'Heart' stories in the order they were posted. Anyway, enjoy. Oh, and for those who read the preview, there's been a couple changes, mostly grammatical. Oh, and the real life tag means that excluding the anthro characters, it's possible this could happen, but hasn't actually. Landmarks and whatever else related to that is as accurate as my memory, though.

---

Mike sat in his small room and sighed. It was more a tired sigh than a sad sigh, but both emotions were present. He finally had a place of his own, even if it was partly charity that got him there. The wolf had just gotten a (hopefully) permanent job, and the pay wasn't too bad, so he could hopefully pay back his debts. His friends would probably refuse his money, but he had to do it for his own sake. He wasn't going to his grave with debts on his conscience.

The place wasn't much, but it was his, and that was the point. It was a one room apartment-- well, two; there was a washroom, but that wasn't much either. Mike had never understood why it was called a '3/4-bath.' It was really just a shower, and bathing would be impossible. The main room featured a kitchenette in one corner: mini-fridge, mini-freezer, hotplate, microwave, small sink, and the absolute minimum of counter space. A small dining table separated the kitchenette from the 'living area.' With no separation it couldn't be called a separate room. The couch was actually a hide-a-bed, doubling the area as his 'bedroom.' A coffee table in front of the couch was easily shifted to the side at night to become a night stand. A small bookshelf--filled to bursting with his books--graced one side of the room. Other than that, the room was pretty sparse. He had no money for a TV, although he brought the old GameCube that was rightfully his anyway. It was hidden in one of the still unpacked boxes neatly stacked in an otherwise empty corner. Some of the boxes wouldn't be unpacked; he didn't need the stuff right now, but he had to get it out of his old place, and he wasn't about to spend money on storage.

Of course, he could have had Anita and Jack, his sister and brother-in-law, store it, but right now he was distancing himself from his family. His dad never wanted to see him again, and seeing Anita would just strain her relationship with their mutual parent. She had been surprised to hear Mike was bi, and Jack even more so, but they were more accepting of it than Justin. It was funny, Mike reflected, to think of his dad by his first name, but he didn't see him as 'Dad' anymore. Father, maybe, if he was technical, but not Dad.

He had come a long ways since that confrontation. It had been a couple months since. He had been fucked for his university classes that semester, as he had neither the transportation or inclination to got to school, and with all the crap that had happened, he hadn't gone back for the winter semester. Schooling was on hold until he could get his life back in order. Fortunately, the money put aside to him for schooling was still his. The accounts had transferred not too long ago, so Justin couldn't take that money. He had just received his first paycheck, so finances weren't too bad. He had decided, against his better judgement, to get into the food industry. He was waiting tables at a Smitty's. He wasn't available for Sunday mornings, which was a mixed bag: no crazy rush of furs in for brunch, but no opportunity for those tips. He pulled in decent money though, and his constant smile was a hit with management. They had had a few employees who obviously couldn't have cared less if they pleased the customers.

It was tiring work, however, which drove his already practically non-existent social down to zilch. He couldn't remember what day he had last hung out with any of his friends. Part of this was due to busy schedules on both sides of the equation, but it was also partly due to their finding out he was bi. It was hard to hide the fact you were kicked out of your house, and people usually want to know why. One of his friends hadn't said much about it, but was keeping his distance. He had been Mike's only close male friend, so his company, when he could find it, was almost exclusively female. He didn't mind the girls, but it saddened him that he had no real friends of his own sex. The others seemed okay with the revelation. One girl in particular who he didn't see much outside of university was cool with it, so they sometimes ate lunch together if their schedules synced up and Mike had the money to eat out. Now that he was living on his own, even fast food had become expensive. He had considered getting a roommate and a bigger place, but he didn't know anyone who wanted or needed a roommate, and he wasn't about to find a stranger who wanted to room with him. Mike had enough trouble with people he knew without adding others into the mix.

He had a place, though, and the towels and pans he'd gotten as grad gifts were finally being used. He was tired, having just finished lugging everything into the place, so he kicked his shoes in a corner by the door and slept on the couch without bothering to remove any clothing.

*

The sky was dark when Michael opened his eyes. Although, that wasn't much of an indication of time. In winter there were only nine hours of sunlight anyway. He could see few stars out the windows; there were no clouds, but the light pollution in the city was incredible given its size. Does some two hundred thousand-odd people need that much light? Mike liked the stars and regretted not being able to see them more often. He was a born and bred city wolf and didn't have the resources or impetus to leave. The wolf did enjoy visiting his grandma in her small town, though. He wondered if she knew he was out of the family. She and Justin didn't talk often as Justin was often home too late to call and Grandma didn't know when she could call him. Maybe he could borrow a car to go visit her sometime soon, before she found out. Mike didn't know how she'd react, but he doubted it she'd be as vehement as Justin.

While he was thinking this, he noted movement in the street below. He couldn't even tell the species of the passerby because the streetlight was out. Odd, Mike thought, I don't remember that one being out. When he glanced back from the light to the sidewalk, the person was gone. Mike couldn't figure out how he had passed from sight so quickly. He had a pretty good view in both directions. As he was craning his neck to look further, a knock sounded on his door, startling him.

A half-forgotten poem came to mind: "As I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping...." He moved to the door, trying to predict who it would be. He hadn't buzzed anyone in to the building, so it was probably either a wrong door or the landlord, although Mike couldn't guess why the landlord would want to see him; he'd payed his rent and done the paperwork. He tiredly opened the door without bothering to check the peephole. As he saw who was on the other side of the threshold, however, the sleep was shocked out of him.

*

Nothing could have prepared Mike for what he saw. Justin, his father, holding a knife; worse, a knife angled towards a bloody German Shepherd who Mike knew intimately, in every sense of the word. Even as he breathed, "No," in shock, the knife arced up into the Shepherd's throat, spilling blood on Mike's outstretched paws. His lover couldn't manage even a last word; the windpipe was cut. Mike crumpled as he watched the eyes glaze over and dull. He heard, "Now, you." The sharp metal flashed down towards the kneeling wolf...

*

... who awoke, abruptly sitting up and gasping for breath, eyes blinking in the sunlight reflecting off the snow outside. "A dream, only a dream," Mike repeated half-consciously. There was no way that could have happened. A) His father was never a violent person, even if he did joke about keeping a gun in the glove-box to shoot bad drivers; B) Justin didn't even know where he lived; and C) Mike didn't know any German Shepherds and had never had either a boyfriend or girlfriend, so the two together were even more ridiculous. Thinking back, the wolf couldn't even recall if the Shep had been male or female. The only clue in the dark had been Justin's actions, which implied male.

After taking a few minutes to calm down, Mike got up and glanced at his watch. "Four o'clock," the wolf said aloud. "Time to start thinking about supper." It was a little early to eat, and Mike wasn't hungry yet, but if he didn't start planning now, he would end up with freezer food or fast food. Mike was sick of that junk. A brief glance through the cupboards and fridge told Mike what he already knew: he'd have to go buy groceries. With a sigh that turned into a yawn, Mike stood and left, locking the door behind him. He passed the landlord, a relatively young raccoon, in the corridor and nodded a greeting before stepping out into the cold.

There was a Safeway a few blocks from his apartment. He padded silently down the sidewalk; a car was an unaffordable luxury, and he didn't have tyres to bike in the winter. There were few other pedestrians on the sidewalk although the street beside was pretty busy. Mike supposed that those few who didn't mind the cold didn't want to brave the wind that had picked up over the last few days. He gave thanks once again for his thick fur coat and the warm hoodie he had purchased back when he was living at Justin's.

Mike gratefully stepped through the automatic doors, enjoying the blast of hot air that accompanied the transition inside. He was aimlessly browsing the aisles, hoping something would catch his eye, when he saw Anita and Jack in the frozen food aisle.

For a moment, Mike was as frozen as the food around him. Why would they be at this Safeway? he wondered with half his mind while the other half quickly ducked him out of view. They didn't live in this end of town, and the wolf's heart was beating triple-time with shock. He wondered if he could duck out and come back after they left. It wasn't that Mike didn't love his sister and brother-in-law; rather, he hadn't talked to them much since leaving home and didn't know exactly how they felt about him. Besides, even if they were on his side, it would make their relationship with Justin difficult if they talked. Justin made it extremely clear that he only had three children that day. It often caused Mike to wonder how his mom was doing now that he wasn't visiting her at the Centre anymore.

He shook his head to clear it--now wasn't the time to think about Mom--and peered through a display for "bread de-crusters." Seriously, could society get any lazier? The two wolves, one a darker grey with a blonde head of fur and a blonder mind, the other a wolf with black fur and a finger pointing at something in the freezer, hadn't noticed him yet. He exhaled forcefully, relieved to avoid a discussion or, worse, a confrontation. He was about to make good his escape when a voice called his name.

"Michael! How are you?"

He turned his attention to his right where a lioness was waving at him. Unfortunately, he noticed his name had attracted his siblings' attention. They were looking down the aisle, and although they couldn't see him yet, they were starting to walk his way. Worse still, he was sure they recognized the lioness. Jordan was a friend of his and had been to Anita's and Jack's house on a few occasions. The fact that they were coming closer rather than ignoring his name or moving away was encouraging, but he still wasn't keen on talking to them. Jordan must have noticed the slightly panicked look in Mike's eyes. Her own face clouded over with concern which was reflected in her voice when she asked, "Mike? You okay?"

It was decision time, and Mike couldn't make a decision. He'd always been indecisive, and now he had to choose: stay and talk to Jordan and his family; try and draw Jordan outside before Anita and Jake could see him; or turn, run like hell, and try to explain to Jordan some other time. The first didn't appeal to Mike, the second seemed implausible, and the third was extremely awkward; even more so if Anita and Jack got a glimpse of him before he made it to the door. Time was running out.

Mike was still frantically looking and calculating when the decision was made for him. A hand grabbed his arm, a voice said, "You're coming with me," and Mike was half-dragged comically out of the store.

While the wolf was grateful for the rescue, he was nonplussed by the method his benefactor used to extract him from the potentially awkward situation, although it was almost worth it to see the look on Jordan's face. Mike managed to prise his arm free of the strong grip when they reached the sidewalk beside the parking lot. He finally got a look at his "pupnapper," and a bemused grin lit his face. "What the heck, man?" he asked incredulously.

His assailant was a tiger a little shorter than he. The tiger worked out, Mike knew, having been to a few sessions with him in the months the wolf had still been going to university. The tiger wasn't overly buff, but he was apparently strong enough to pull the taller wolf out of a Safeway. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans, and a t-shirt was obscured by his old high school football jacket. His head was covered by short, blond fur, and he had blue eyes, which was incredibly unusual for a tiger. A broad smile covered his black and white muzzle; the orange that predominated the rest of his body didn't quite reach it.

"I haven't seen you in a while, so when I saw you go in the Safeway, I thought you could stop to talk for a while," the tiger said.

"But pulling me bodily out of the store? I mean, really, Zach?" Mike retorted, not that he was upset about it. Quite the opposite, in fact, and it showed.

"You looked a little freaked out in there, so I though we could take this outside," Zach said, smiling at his double entendre. The smile then left his face to be replaced by a concerned expression. "Were you okay? You looked like you were going to have a panic attack. I was worried I would need to use some frozen peas as an ice pack."

Mike smiled at his old friend's levity. He had know the tiger since grade two and despite a few "interruptions" had remained friends with him until university. He hadn't talked to the tiger over the last few months and had thought Zach had been avoiding him, but his friend's reaction upon seeing him caused Mike to revise his opinion. Finally, he realized that it was just impossible for people to contact him. He checked his email at the public libraries, but he no longer had either a landline or cell phone. No texting or calling would make talking to him difficult, especially since most people, excepting his bank and SGI, didn't know where he lived. I've been a little self-centred, Mike realized.

As a matter of fact _,_ Mike thought, I haven't even told him I'm no longer at university or my old house. He probably doesn't even know I'm bi. Mike had assumed Zach had found out and was avoiding him because of his sexual orientation. God, I'm an idiot, Mike berated himself.

As he thought about this, he realized that Zach was still waiting for an answer. All of that thinking had taken only a couple seconds, but usually responses came instantaneously. Casting back to remember what Zach had asked, Mike finally replied, "Yeah, I just thought I'd misplaced my wallet." Not true, but Mike wasn't going to say the real reason when Zach didn't know any of the background.

"Oh, okay," Zach said. "So what's new with you? I haven't seen you in ages. Are you still at university even? I haven't seen you around there, and it seems no one else has either."

Mike sighed. "Do you have some time to spare now? Catching up could take a little while."

"Yeah," the tiger said, "I have time. Just finished a work out and I was driving this way cause I stopped by the TCBY down the street. As a said, I saw you head in there," he indicated the Safeway, "so I decided to stop by. Wanna go for coffee somewhere? Maybe Second Cup? That's near our houses."

Mike was tempted. That place was never too busy, and they made good hot chocolate, but he still didn't know how Zach would react and didn't want the possibility of being literally all the way across the city without a ride. He couldn't afford a cab, and it would shortly get too cold to walk. He also didn't want to take the tiger to his place. He didn't want anyone who might have ill will towards him to know where he lived. Mike tried to think if there was anywhere nearby that was relatively quiet. Unfortunately, both the Starbucks and the Tim Hortons didn't fit that description.

"No," Mike said, coming to a decision. "How about something in this end of town? Wanna grab a Starbucks and drink it at the lake? It's not too cold outside yet."

"I'm not much into Starbucks," Zach replied. "How about Timmies?"

"Sure." The two walked to Zach's car together.

*

"So," Zach said. They were sitting on a formerly snow-covered ledge on an island in the lake. There were three islands in the city park, but this was the only one connected to the mainland by a bridge. It was a completely fur-made island, complete with a waterfall, although it wasn't on during the winter for obvious reasons. The two of them nursed the hot chocolate they'd bought as they sat there. "What's up?"

"Well," Mike said, too nervous to come straight out and say it, "I'm no longer living at my parents' place."

"You moved out? When?"

"A couple months ago."

"No way! Why is this the first I'm hearing about it?"

"Well, I'm kind of been off the grid. I don't have a phone right now. Can't afford it."

"Your dad's no longer paying for the cell since you moved out?"

"Um..." Mike paused, his nerve failing him.

"What?" Zach asked as the silence stretched. "You guys fight about something?"

"You could say that."

"What happened?" The mirth was gone from the tiger's eerily blue eyes. He could easily see that whatever it was was still upsetting Mike.

"Well, I, uh--I didn't move out so much as get kicked out." It was clear the wolf's stutter wasn't caused by the cold.

"Kicked out?" Zach asked incredulously. "For what?"

"My dad... He found out..." Mike stopped, suddenly unable to continue.

"Found out what?" Zach questioned. He couldn't see where this was going. Mike wouldn't be doing anything illegal or drugs, so what could his dad had found out?

Mike took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Zach... I'm bi."

"Bi?" Mike heard. He couldn't guess the tone from that one syllable, and he was too afraid of what he would see to open his eyes. Probably confusion followed by hatred or contempt, Mike guessed. He remembered a conversation he'd had with Zach not too long before he left home. Zach had said he wasn't sure what he would do if he had a gay or bi kid. He'd also implied that people should be able to control their orientation. The tiger had clearly felt that homosexuality was wrong; bis, he'd said, had at least of fifty-fifty chance of being right.

"Yeah," Mike said, fearing the worst. His eyes were still closed, and he could feel tears lurking behind his closed lids. He wasn't crying yet, but he was on the verge. "I'm bisexual."

"How'd your dad find out?" Zach asked. Michael still couldn't read his tone.

"I left a website open on the computer in my room. My profile was open and it shows my sexuality."

"You put that on the internet?"

"It didn't have my real name. No one would've known. I'd even been clearing it from my history, but I didn't know my father was coming home that afternoon. He kicked me out, so I spent some time at Jessica's. I just got my own apartment."

"So that's why you were at that Safeway." Another thought struck the tiger. "You didn't misplace your wallet, did you?"

"I saw Anita and Jack." Mike didn't need to explain the relationship. "I haven't talked to them since I left, and I was scared of how they'd react when they saw me.

"I'm scared of your reaction," Mike breathed so quietly that it was possible the tiger couldn't hear the last sentence.

They were both silent for a while, their cups of hot chocolate untouched. Eventually, Mike opened his eyes, trying to see through the veil of tears and fears, both unspilled. He expected the tiger to be gone, footprints in the snow being the only testament to him ever being there. Then again, Mike had also expected Zach to blow up at him and tell him he never wanted to see him again, possibly with a punch or two thrown in for good measure. Mike was surprised to see him still sitting there, staring at his mug.

"When your dad kicked you out," Zach said, "why didn't you come to me?"

"You're house has more people than Jessica's, and... and I remember our conversation about gays and bis. I thought you might kick me out, too, and I couldn't handle that. Not twice in one day."

"Man, I told you: if you ever need anything, call me. I'll be there. Although," he added with a grin, "don't ask me to help you find 'release.' I don't swing that way."

Mike couldn't say anything past the lump in his throat. He knew the tiger wasn't a touchy-feely kind of guy, but he responded to Zach's words with a hug anyway.

"Hey!" Zach yelled. "Careful with the hot chocolate!"

---

There you go. Finally finished. Only took me eight pages, single spaced, of longhand and a few days to get this out. The hardest part was coming up with Zach's name. He is once again based off of someone I know, and I couldn't think of another name that fit. I ended up putting a '_____' everywhere his name showed up and filled in the blanks afterwards. So, almost six pages on OpenOffice. New record!

Anyways, comments, criticisms good and bad, and other feedback is appreciated. Feel free to point out any mistakes or confusions, although I think I got rid of most of them. As usual, thanks to my watchers. You guys are extra special. Jumping back a step, feedback in relation to whether you'd like to see more from this series or something different from me is even more appreciated. Lastly, happy birthday "Zach." It was his birthday when I started typing, but with the shift at midnight, his birthday is now yesterday. Happy birthday anyway, even though you won't see this as no one I know in real life knows I'm on this site.

FOOTNOTES: SGI is Saskatchewan Government Insurance, which is the agency that handles vehicle registration and driver's licenses, among other things. Even though Mike doesn't have a car, he still has a license and is obligated to tell SGI where he moved to. That information, coupled with the information about the park and whatever else you can glean from my stories, should be enough information to let the astute observers know which city I live in. TCBY, for those who don't know, stands for The Country's Best Yogurt. They make good frozen yogurt. I think Safeway is a mostly Canadian enterprise, so I'll tell you that it's a grocery store chain if you don't have them where you live. Anything else you guys are unsure of, let me know and I'll straighten it out.