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The professor's lecture is impossible to focus on. I know I need to and I'm putting all my attention onto the words, but it's like trying to find meaning in pink noise. Despite looking directly at the weasel, all I can see is the white wolf next to me, within my peripheral vision.

Mathias is too beautiful for his own good, or rather my own good. The only visible fur that isn't white is on his black ears, perked to listen like I should be doing. He's holding his muzzle in one paw while his blue eyes follow the professor. Occasionally glancing down to the desk to scribble some notes.

Nothing riveting by itself, but with a little substitution, I become enthralled. Instead of watching the professor, Mathias is watching me-naked or getting there-advancing on him. And instead of scribbling notes, he's waving his massive cock at me.

I realize I'm staring at the wolf now. He doesn't seem to notice or is pretending not to. Can I keep staring? Bad idea. I look back at the professor. I can't even hear the pink noise anymore. It's drowned out even further by the discomfort in my pants. I reach down and adjust myself as discreetly as possible. My knot isn't out yet so if I can just take my mind off Mathias and his co... Nope, not going to happen.

"I just remembered something," I say as I shoot out of my seat. "Gotta go."

"Still coming over tomorrow? I can tell you what you missed," Mathias says, not breaking his attention from the lecture.

"Yeah. Thanks." I half run out of the row of desks and up the stairs passing more rows, mostly empty. Still I'm regretting not bringing anything besides my phone. They would help hide my obvious erection. Nobody is acknowledging me yet relief floods through me as I get out the door and into the hallway.

Calculus is my last class on Fridays so I'm free the rest of the day. Right now all I want to do is get to my dorm and solve my little problem. Unfortunately, it's at the other end of campus. Not a problem usually as I like the walk. This time I can't appreciate the trees losing their leaves in an array of color, or the architecture of the buildings and stone pathway that I'm walking on. Nor can I guess the conversation and relationship of passerbys through the snippets I can hear and their body language. Something I would usually do.

All I can do is make sure my stride isn't too uncomfortable while going as fast as I can. My erection softens a little, so when I make it to the dormitory, I use my increased mobility to rush through the door and up the stairs. Getting curious glances the entire way until I find my door and enter it. The room is small. A bed along one wall, a desk on the opposite, and a window between them.

My lithe fox frame isn't my preference. Neither is gray my favorite color despite comprising most of my fur. However, revealing the orange splotches on my thighs is fun even if it's only for myself. My retreating member grows stiff again as I lay down and fantasize about Mathias. He's looking down at me with a smirk that says "Can you take it all?" It being the eleven inches of wolf cock, which my throat can, in fact, take (besides the knot. I eagerly get on my knees to prove it. His wolfhood similar in shape and having the same red color as my own, but so much thicker.

As I stroke myself to the fantasy, the pleasure breaks my concentration and the visuals disappear. I stop my paw and imagine his member forcing its way down my throat. Again it disappears as my paw moves. Is it this hard to visualize while jerking off? I thought that it's something anyone can do. Why can't I? It's never something I've had a reason to do. If I want someone, I ask, and while I wouldn't say I'm irresistible, I've yet to hear a "no."

With Mathias I can't ask. He's already taken and the idea of making him cheat or break up with Sienna is abhorrent. The only thing I can do is somehow convince them to open their relationship, but I don't know how I would do that, or if Mathias is into me. I don't think it would be something Mathias would want anyway; he seems happy with her.

I need to do something. After meeting Mathias last semester, and discovering we work well together and have the same major, we synced our schedules. I was attracted to him back then and thought it would simmer, not boil over. Now my grades are slipping and, if that continues, my parents are going to force me to go to one of their colleges. Then I'll likely be on the other side of the country, never seeing Mathias again.

I can't find a satisfying sexual release anymore which means that, even without the wolf around, my head isn't clear. He's ruined any other guy for me somehow. I can get off with them, but that warm contented feeling afterwards is absent and without that I get awkward. It's like I only want a white wolf. The problem is that he's the only one in existence. Wolves are plentiful around here and white furs are too, but not white wolves. Even online I can't find any good gay porn of them. The videographic stuff is always terrible, and I don't look at porn much so I only have one artist I like.

Arya, another student here that isn't afraid to talk about her side hustle, and once I saw her work I knew why. She's good at showing sex all cute and affectionate and wholesome. The one disappointment is that all she draws are bears, especially polar bears since she is one. I wonder if I could get her to draw a white wolf. I definitely could. She's broke while I'm more fortunate and besides that she's got the hots for me. I could get her to draw anything I want. Even...no that's a little much isn't it? Any white wolf should do, it doesn't need to be Mathias specifically. Although, why couldn't it be? It's not like I'm harming him in any way and it would be more enjoyable. I could even be in there.

I find my phone on the floor near where I threw my pants and shoot Arya a message to see if she's home. I get instant confirmation. I jump out of bed and pull on loose sweatpants instead of the jeans, and the same shirt that's on the floor.

It's a co-ed dorm so I find her door on the floor below mine and knock. "It's open." I enter a room identical to my own with a drawing tablet on her desk instead of the textbooks on mine. "What's up, Ellis?" Arya is lying in bed twiddling on her phone.

"I was wondering if..." In my head, it's easy, just ask her. Saying the words and explaining, however, is quite embarrassing.

The polar bear looks away from her phone and to my eyes as I trail off. "Wondering what?"

"If you could draw something for me." I can't meet her eyes at all. I've never been like this asking for sex, so why is asking for porn so difficult?

"Ooooh. I've never seen you shy." She gets out of bed and saunters over to me. "You're lucky. I'm between commissions at the moment."

"So you'll do it?" I ask, still looking to the floor.

"Of course." My eyes come up to hers. She's small for a polar bear, but still bigger than me. "I'll even give you a discount."

"No need. I've got plenty of money."

"Your parents have plenty of money. And it feels weird not to give you one. We're good friends aren't we?" She's the only one I trust with this so she deserves all the money I can give. However, it feels weird to say that so I try to think of a different argument for why she shouldn't give me a discount. Before I can she continues, "So give me details."

"Um, this is the part that I'm embarrassed about."

"I'm sure I've been asked weirder." The bear puts a paw on my elbow, when my eyes start to wander away from her again.

"I want it to be of me and Mathias."

"That's the cute white wolf that you've been crushing on? That's dating Sienna?"

I nod. "It's a little weird, but I can't, um, enjoy him otherwise."

"It's a little weird to draw real people, but I don't really know him. Well, I kinda know Sienna so I've seen him with her, but that's it." Arya's other paw mirrors the first on my other elbow and they both travel down to my wrists. "Got something specific in mind?"

This is the thing I've rehearsed on the run here so it tumbles out of me. "We're both lying on a bed and he's on top of me with a smirk, but, like, a loving one. I've got my eyes closed and like lost because we're jerking each other off. My cock is already really wet and I'm close while he isn't at all. And he's trying to twine his tail with mine, but I'm not noticing."

She shakes her head. "Lucky again that I'm able to follow all that. You got a picture of him?"

Pulling out my phone is a nice excuse to break contact with her even if I don't need to look for photos. "Yeah, he's wearing clothes though."

She chuckles a little. "I figured. Otherwise what would you need me for? I can fill in the blanks as for..."

"Oh about that," I interrupt. "Can you make him really big? Like I can't even get my paw around him and he's double my length. Oh and his knot is bigger than my arm."

"Yeah that's easy. As for you, wanna show me?" I look back at my phone, but I don't have any good photos of myself. "You're right here, Ellis. Take your clothes off and show me what you got."

"Okay." I don't want to and procrastinate it by walking past her to put my phone on her desk.

"I know you would have stripped before I could finish asking if I were male." The polar bear puts a paw to her heart. "I'm hurt."

I start untying my waistband then change my mind and take my shirt off first. Arya is watching with a familiar look in her eyes from other times I've undressed with someone watching. I pull my pants down and stop before revealing my sheath. "Really putting on a show for me," Arya says.

I throw them the rest of the way off and resist the urge to cover myself with my paws. "There. Can I put my clothes back on now?"

"You want me to get your fur pattern correct, right?" Arya grabs her phone off her bed. "I need to take a few pictures. My memory isn't that good."

"It's mostly gray," I argue.

"Mostly." There is a lot of white on my stomach. "Put your arms out, palms facing me." I comply and she takes a few pictures and this continues. "Show me your side. Back. Other side."

I face her again and put my arms down. "Got everything you need?"

"Almost." Arya puts her phone down and sashays to me then trails a paw up my thigh.

I step back and hit the wall before I get out of her reach. "I'm..."

"Very gay. Yes, yes. My muzzle will feel the same." Her paw reaches my sheath. "And it would help if I see this."

"I'll..." She begins to brush through the fur sending tingles along it, but not making it respond. Even without looking at her, her scent is all wrong. "I'll send you a picture."

"Stab me through the heart, why dontcha?" The bear backs off. "I should have done it in two weeks. Or, no, probably longer. Don't look at me like that. I still have class to go to."

I retrieve my phone, get dressed, then find the door. "Alright. I'mma go now." She nods and I keep my eyes on her as I back out of the door.

*

I wake the next morning with my phone still in my paw. I forgot to set an alarm so I have less time than I usually would. Still, I don't rush out the door. Or hurry my steps down the stairs, out of the dormitory, across and out of campus, and to the empty street. People don't have much reason to be out at six on a Saturday morning.

The narrow street is dimly lit by the still-rising sun behind me. I can only see color on one side of the interspersed houses the sun is hitting. The same color never repeats more than once. Besides that they are all the typical two-story houses in suburbia. Despite their plainness, I find myself staring at them more than I would usually. Especially the blue house that I cross the street to approach. The white trims on the roof and overhang of the porch are quite interesting. You would think they would go with a darker color to compliment how light the blue is.

Instead of walking right in-Mathias leaves the door unlocked since I'm here so often-I examine the pattern on the wooden door. The indentation in the middle and the spirals in the corners aren't actually as fascinating as I pretend they are. It distracts me from the weirdness of commissioning an erotic drawing of someone and studying with them like nothing happened.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, probably Mathias wondering where I am. I left late and have been standing here for a few minutes. Deciding that isn't helping, I open the door and enter a hallway. The walls are the same blue and bare. Even as I move down it and turn there's only blue. It only breaks at the end where Mathias' room is with the door open.

His walls are painted black (he says it's dark purple) and above his bed there is one poster visible from the hallway. Some foreign movie or show. As I get closer, I can see more of them. The languages on them are varied; there's no way he can read all that so I never understood what the point of them is.

Once I get into the room, the white wolf is at his much bigger desk in the corner of the room. He doesn't notice me walking in and still doesn't when I sit in the chair next to him. He's engrossed in what looks like finding an integral of something.

"Hey," I say as I set my bookbag on the desk next to his paper.

He jumps a bit, then returns to writing. "Hey. Sorry I started without you. Figured I could get the easy stuff done."

I laugh. "I don't get how calculus comes so easily to you."

"Well, good news," the wolf says with a smile and those cute, black ears turning to me as much as they can while he continues his math problem. "We have more time for you to figure it out."

I tilt my head at him. "What do you mean?"

"I broke up with Sienna," he answers like he's talking about what great weather we're having.

"Oh, what um," I am caught between feeling sad for my friend, happy that he's available now, and confused why he's acting like that, "happened? I thought you two were really happy together."

"Nothing really happened, just neither of us were feeling it anymore." Mathias finishes what he's working on, putting down his pencil and looking at me. "You should have seen us in high school. We were the definition of hopelessly in love, not lunch dates a couple times a week."

"Still are you okay?" I put a paw on his shoulder and convince myself it's to comfort him not for any other reason.

The wolf places his paw over mine. "I'm fine. I lost what I had with her a long time ago."

He's smiling still. It doesn't look forced, but it has to be. "Let's focus on studying to keep your mind off of it."

We spend all morning at that desk. The concern for Mathias does something that I haven't been able to: bury my lust for him. And with that done I'm as productive with him as I was before I became obsessed. Hopefully, it make up for my lack of focus in class.

We only stop because his parents are supposed to be home soon. For whatever reason he insists that I'm never there when they are. A guy wanting to be alone with me is exciting, but he doesn't do it for anything fun so it's strange. On some days, when his parents aren't working, he goes as far as cramming into my dorm or going to the library instead.

So I stroll down the narrow street again, thankful that the sun is above me so it doesn't blind me. I don't want to go home and spend the day in bed or finishing whatever schoolwork I still need to do. Especially since Arya tends to hang out at my dorm, talking while I do schoolwork. I usually don't mind-we rarely have boring conversations-but after yesterday I'd rather avoid her.

Still, somebody to talk to would be nice. I've never been good at sorting my thoughts by myself, and I don't have any experience with this dating thing. Scrolling through my contacts, I struggle to find anybody who could help. A lot of them would tell me to shut up and bend over. Well, I don't know that for sure, but it's difficult to imagine doing anything else with them. The ones that wouldn't are old friends from high school (we said we'd keep in touch and then never did), Arya, Mathias, and my parents.

Fuck it. I dial Mom, more at random than because I think she'd be any more help than Dad. The first sound I hear after the ringing is sizzling. An ambient sound in my parent's house (Mom has little to do besides cooking) that fills me with more nostalgia than I anticipated. I've always loved her cooking, yet I've never missed it. Now I find myself leaning against a peach tree on the edge of somebody's lawn, imagining I'm smelling my mom grilling them.

"Ellis? What's wrong, honey?" Her tone is distracted. She probably doesn't even have a hand to hold the phone, instead holding it against her shoulder like she always does. I've shown her speakerphone exists, but she never uses it.

"Nothing just, um, boy trouble." It feels weird to have those two words exit my lips instead of my parents'. They've always been overbearing, trying to figure out every detail of every day of my life. They do it out of love, I realize-especially when my correction that I wouldn't have "girl trouble" only resulted in them asking about "boy trouble" instead-but it makes me want to open up less than I would have otherwise.

The response to the words is multi-layered, if a bit delayed. The sizzling stops, replaced briefly by footsteps, then she replies, "Somebody turn you down?"

"No, I haven't even asked him." I explain my relationship with Mathias and the events of today, leaving out the part about the porn.

"Tricky, are you even sure he's into guys?" "He watches a lot of romance movies, and some of them are gay. So maybe? Kinda hard to ask him without asking the other thing."

"Hmm, well, I'd say to give him a little time. Couple weeks, more if he expresses he's distraught about the girl, but don't just pine after him forever. If he really isn't ready for another relationship yet, he'll just tell you that and when he is, and if he's interested, he'll come back to you."

I've never taken advice from Mom before, so I doubt it's quality. "That's it?"

"Unless you've got a mind-reading machine, the only one who knows when the best time to ask him out is him."

I can't find a flaw in her logic, though I don't trust my own to find it. I choose to trust her anyway. "Thanks, Mom."

*

In the following couple weeks, the only time my lust is unabated is when I'm not with Mathias. He seems to be fine, but my desire to comfort him regardless is stronger than my desire to fuck him. When I'm alone, however, my mind loves to fantasize about him. Yet still won't visualize when I try to jack off to those fantasies.

Relief comes one day when I get a text from Arya. She doesn't say why she wants me to come to her dorm, but I know.

"I laminated it for you in case your," Arya pauses for dramatic effect as she spins around in her chair, showing me her artwork in her paws, "excitement gets on it."

"Thanks," I say as I approach her and she places the art in my paws.

"I emailed you a digital copy in case, but please be careful. The original is so much better."

Original? What does that mean? My paws answer the question with another. Why is the paper so big? I look down and instead of a printed out digital art piece, I find an acrylic painting. "Holy shit! You can paint?"

She scoffs. "I'm an art student. Of course I can paint."

It's not in her usual cartoon style either. If I didn't know better, I'd believe it is a photograph. "It's..." Like you captured the beauty of Mathias and infused it into a painting. The main thing I wanted from this was to see his cock, however, the rest of the art distracts me from it. Mathias's white fur is shimmering in the sunlight coming in from a window. His tail especially, to the point it looks like it's glowing as it lifts mine off the bed. His eyes are attempting to pierce my closed ones with the love I wish to see in them.

For the first time in my life, I'm forced to admit that I look good. To say otherwise would be disrespectful to the painting. And it seems that Arya knows exactly how I want to look instead. Mathias is blocking the light from the window, so my gray fur is almost black, my white is gray, and my orange is a dark orange.

"Earth to Ellis. Hello?" I look up to Arya and see that she's gotten up and is now waving at me. "Get out of here already. It smells like you're about to cum in your pants." She looks down at the wet spot in my sweatpants. "Have you? I'm flattered."

"No, but I..." I want to ramble about how much I love it, but I know she knows and I also want to express it in a different way. "I'mma go, now."

I sprint back to my dorm; It's late so nobody cares. I only slow down a little to make sure I don't trip on the stairs and damage the painting. My clothes are gone the second I get privacy and I leap onto my bed. I try to hold the picture in my paw, but it's unwieldy so I prop it against the wall on my bed.

This time my eyes go straight for Mathias's cock. Even bigger than I requested. I have both my paws around it and they only meet on one side of the shaft. I animate them in my head clumsily sliding up to his glans. When my real one does the same to my own cock, my visualization falters as before. I still have the image in front of me so I don't stop. My animations blink in and out, adding to the experience rather than being the experience themselves.

It feels like I'm lasting forever yet at the same time I know it's only forty seconds or so before I'm spurting all over the bed. The first jet lands on the painting, and my writhing knocks it right under my foxhood that continues to ejaculate on it. It's the first orgasm in a long time that I feel more than relief so I don't notice until well after I come down.

*

The day after, Mathias and I study at his house again and this time it is more awkward. The vivid images of his naked form appear everytime I look at him, making me feel like I've peeped on him without his knowledge. So I don't look at him, hunching over the desk and angling myself so that I can't even see him in my peripheral vision.

"...so after that you take the number you got and you plug it into this formula which will..." Mathias pauses and I attempt to follow his instructions. "Ellis?"

"I'm listening." I still don't look at him

"Which formula am I talking about?" he asks.

"Um..." This is where I am struggling. There's pages full of formulas and which one to use always confuses me.

"I was pointing at it, I am pointing." I glance across the desk to look, but from my perspective, his paw is in the way. His paw that fits perfectly around my...I snap my eyes back to the paper in front of me. "You've barely looked at me all day. Is there something in my coat? Are you upset about something? Did I upset you?"

"No."

"What then?" h

e responds immediately. Lying isn't my strong suit so I choose silence. "It's cool if you don't want to talk about it, but we're not getting anywhere like this. Let's just call it quits for today."

"No, I..." I turn to look at where he's still pointing. "I'm fine." Knowing what formula to use, I solve the problem on my paper then look up and smile at him. "See? Now let's work on whatever you're stuck on."

My brain finally yields to my will when it's threatened with the loss of the wolf. When I look at him it's more of a background thought. I know it won't stay that way forever so I need to act on it, directly. All I have to do is get all this schoolwork out of the way.

With the resolve of that decision, it's only a couple hours later that he says, "Finally done." He checks his phone on the desk. "And I got almost all day to find something to do."

"You want to watch one of your movies together?" I ask, though I don't actually want to watch the movie.

Mathias's ears perk a little as he organizes his papers and puts them in his bag. "I thought you didn't like 'em?"

My stuff is already gathered so I'm watching him. "I'm willing to give it another chance."

"Cool! We should have time to watch one." Mathias gets up and beckons me to follow him out the door. "There's one that just came out a couple weeks ago that I haven't been up to watching."

I'm not able to follow him closely in the hallway as his long tail is keeping me away with its swaying. "Do you think it's going to be bad or something?" I ask.

"This director hasn't made anything but masterpieces. It's just that..." He stops walking briefly. "You'll see."

"Ominous." The hallway opens up into a large living room. It's as bare and blue as the hallway, though the amount of space makes it more jarring. The only furniture is a gigantic recliner chair and an entertainment center with a small TV. The singular place to sit is the reason I decide to bear another one of his movies instead of finding something else.

Mathias sets up the movie then sits on the floor, his tail swishing across it. I plop down on the chair and, before he can click play, say, "Let's share the chair this time. It feels weird to have you all the way down there." I have to angle my muzzle all the way down to meet his eyes.

"I'm fine here," he says.

"Either you come up here or I go down there."

"If you feel that strongly about it." Despite his initial hesitancy, the wolf hops to his feet and runs to the other side of the chair. He slows down to sit onto the chair with one leg over mine, while the other bears most of his weight. "You like getting squished?"

"Better than I like getting a kink in my neck." Our muzzles are level and it would be easy to close the small gap between them. I resist the urge by looking at the TV which prompts him to play the movie.

Soon enough, he lets his full weight onto my leg. It's uncomfortable at first, but it isn't too long until my body realizes that he's pressing right next to my sheath. My cock eagerly tries to come out to press back. I jiggle a bit to move it on its other side so it doesn't touch him, but it remains stubbornly in place. Having no other choice, I use my paw to do it. My jeans are tight and I already have a semi so it's a struggle. Mathias does not notice, eyes fixated on the screen.

I want to come onto Mathias, just not like that. It'd be better received if I start with...his paw resting on his leg that's on mine. It's not too strong, but still makes it obvious what my intentions are. Once my paw is over his, I feel it shaking. Is he cold? No, this is something he does when something is too much for him. He jerks his paw away from mine and over to his crotch. Is that rejection or reflex?

Before I can figure that out, I notice he's crying. I can't make a move while he's crying, now can I? I follow his gaze to the screen. Right, we are watching a movie. I haven't paid any attention, but it's clearly a sad one. And a short one since the credits are already rolling.

Mathias's eyes flick off the screen. He seems to then notice the tears on his face and wipe them away with the back of a paw. "Sorry," he says and meets my eyes. "I knew this movie would do this to me. It was sort of foreshadowed in the other movies."

"Oh, so this is a sequel," I say.

"No, no. It's sort of a spinoff. We see a little of these two in the other ones so we know it wouldn't work out between them. Still I didn't expect it to," he twiddles his fingers on the armrest before continuing, "be so reminiscent."

I'm not following anything he's saying, but it sounds like he's waiting to be prompted. "Of what?"

"Well what happened between them is almost exactly what happened between me and Sienna." The wolf looks away and brings a paw to his face. "Desperately trying to feel the same as you used to, failing, and then realizing that you have to stop trying. Even though it hurts to accept that you will never feel the same love you did before." He turns to me again, fur damp with wiped tears. "It's like they wrote a movie specifically to make me cry."

I forgot about Sienna. Here I am trying to get my dick wet with someone who needs anything but. Now what? Hug him? No, that's weird now with my earlier intentions. Comforting words then. "It's good to get it out."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Mathias is still crying a little and taking deep breaths.

It starts to feel weird not to hug Mathias as I watch him cry. Especially since I can't think of anything to say. Although, if he did move his paw away on purpose, would he think that I'm coming on to him again? "Wanna hug?"

The wolf nods and leans forward. I hold him gently until I feel him squeezing with what I think is all his strength then do the same.

*

Over the next month I get good at separating the Mathias I am friends with and the Mathias I jerk off to. At first I have some trouble if I use the painting near when I see him, but soon it seems like they are separate people. I'm not jerking off to him any more so I have nothing to feel weird about. It helps, in fact, to use it right before I see him since my lust is easier to control. The problem is that, while the painting remains to be beautiful, I'm not as satisfied with it as before.

That's why I find myself in Arya's dorm again, as embarrassed as before. "I said I want you to paint another one," I say, shuffling my feet near the door.

Arya isn't showing the same enthusiasm as before, not even putting her phone down or getting up from her bed. "I heard you. I just thought that since your wolf is single now, you would just go get a taste from the source."

"I don't want to exploit him while he's hurting."

"That's BS. It's been, what, two months?"

"About, but..." I answer and then I am cut off.

"And Sienna told me in class that it wasn't a big deal for him," Arya argues for some reason. What does it matter to her?

I straighten my posture. "Will you do it or not?"

"I don't know. It feels weirder now since.."

"I can pay you more," I interrupt, not wanting her to explain why it's weird.

Arya finally pulls her phone from her face to glare at me. "That's not fair." She sighs. "Have you considered that you're exploiting a broke college student instead of your wolf?'

"You're being dramatic, Arya."

"Fine, fine, but only if you promise me you'll ask him out before it's done." The bear returns her attention to her phone. "Shoot your monologue at me."

I pause before I figure out what she means. "So we're in one of those big recliner chairs in living rooms made for you bears and there's a TV playing in the background. I'm riding him and, like, he's not currently all the way in me." She starts to say something, but stops when I don't. "And we've both got that look that you gave him in the last one. Oh and my fur is nice and dark like before as well."

"Do you want his schlong as monstrous as before?" Her thumb-twiddling is faster than before, likely typing out what I said. "Because, if so, I think you would have to crouch onto it which would be incredibly awkward in a chair."

"Hadn't thought of that. It'd be awkward IRL, but do it anyway."

*

Mom and Arya are right, I need to stop pining after Mathias. The plan is simple: get all the studying out of the way and ask him out; no subtle come-ons or anything like that. I completed all but a couple things so we only have to get through his stuff. And that goes swimmingly, he only ever needs things explained in a non-textbook sort of way.

When I hear the front door open, I jump out of my seat and, for a moment, am alarmed. Then I remember that he doesn't live in this house alone. It's his parents coming home early. Inconvenient, but not a big deal. I look to Mathias to confirm that I have nothing to worry about, however, I find alarm greater than my own: eyes wide, ears raised, and paws trembling.

"It's just your parents, right?" I say with uncertainty; it can't be with that reaction.

"My mom." Mathias' voice is resolute, belying his body language. He points to the window. "Jump out."

"What?" It's the ground floor, but still the drop wouldn't be pleasant.

"Well I can't hide you with how you smell."

"Why would I hide? And what's wrong with how I smell?"

"Male, vulpine, strong." He lists them out like they're negatives. "Out."

Whoever is before me, he's not the wolf I've come to know, and I don't want to be around him. I dart to the window and throw it open. Approaching footsteps follow the noise, but I stillI take the time to look at the ground below. By the time my head's back inside, the door flings open, slamming into the wall right next to the window I plan to exit through.

A paw grasps my arm, I turn, and at first all I see is her breasts then I flick my eyes upward to the muzzle glowering at Mathias. "Who's your friend, dear?" she asks in a strained tone. "And why is he trying to go through the window?"

Mathias' paws are still now. "Just somebody who my professor asked me to help with his calculus. Didn't want to, but I was promised extra credit."

"I suppose I can't fault you too much." She lets go of my arm, wiping it off with her other paw. "Next time have them use the door. My lawn and all."

She steps towards him, allowing me through the doorway. I'm out of the house in a flash. I've never been athletic, but I don't stop running until the blue house is out of view. I walk the rest of the way, muscles continuing to scream at me even when I relax them on the bed. Screams they may be, they aren't my focus.

Has Mathias always thought that? I don't do anything to mask my natural scent, but it's only older generations that care. The times my scent is talked about, it's all positive. All those cases are by people I was having sex with, but still. So what's up with Mathias? The thoughts race through my mind and soon it is as tired as the rest of my body.

I wake up with sore muscles and a clearer mind. It's an act he put on for his mother, I tell myself. Although, if he's that good at acting, everything could be an act. That's ridiculous; he has no reason to do so. He's probably already sent me an apology and explanation message.

I fumble through my pockets and find nothing. Shit, I left it at his house-I look around the room -and my bookbag. That's okay. We have a class together tomorrow so he'll show up early to give me my stuff and apologize and everything will be fine.

*

I show up to class early. The door to the room was unlocked, so I sit there, staring at the clock on the wall. The minutes drag on and no white wolves come through the door. Five minutes before the class starts, all the students have shown up and, a couple minutes later, the professor does too. Is he not going to come to class? It seems like it when the professor starts. However, ten minutes in, I hear footsteps that I know belong to Mathias. I don't react as he enters my peripheral vision.

"Can I talk to you?" Mathias whispers. "In the hallway."

I stand and look at the wolf. He has one book bag over each shoulder which looks silly, but kinda cute too. I try to hold onto that observation as I follow him out of the classroom.

"I put your phone in it." Mathias passes me my bag when we are out of the room. I should say thanks, but it doesn't feel right so I wait for him to continue. And the wolf makes me wait a while. Holding eye contact in the silence is uncomfortable so I look off to the side. When I think I should say something, the silence is broken for me. "You can't come over anymore."

I look at him without meeting his eyes. "I wasn't planning on it." A half-lie, I was hoping.

"It's not you..." The wolf shakes his head. "That sounds like I'm breaking up with you or something."

Mathias is thinking of a better way to phrase it and I'm through with waiting. I start to turn away before a paw grasps my arm, reminiscent of his mother's. "It's just a thing with my mom, and with your scent..." It sounds like he's gonna explain a whole thing, but with the way it starts I don't want to hear it. I yank my arm away from him, and while he could stop me, he doesn't. "Sorry," he finishes meekly.

It isn't until I'm at the end of the hallway that I realize that the classroom is the other way. I'm not going back; I'll skip class.

The separation of the two Mathiases is more complete than I thought. When I see the painting on my wall (nobody besides Arya is in my dorm), I'm filled with the same desire as before and the same floaty feeling after using it. It helps that his eyes have an emotion in them opposite to the ones recently, one that I've never seen in Real Mathias.

Once I regain my mental faculties, I rifle through my bag and find my phone and the missed call on it. Strange, it's Dad, he would usually text me. Figuring it's important, I return the call, and after a few rings he answers.

"Ellis?"

"Yeah, what'd you need, Dad?"

"So you do use the call feature on your phone. I was starting to think your mom was lying. Anyway, she's been going back and forth about whether you've asked that boy out yet."

"How much did she tell you?" "Not much. Just that there is a boy."

I catch Dad up on everything, same as with Mom, this time including recent events. "So I think he hates me or a part of me or something. Yet I'm still aroused by the pain..." I am going to say "painting" before I catch myself.

"By pain? What pain? No, no, no, keep that to yourself."

I never thought Dad would say those words, especially hearing them and wanting to disobey them. Or maybe it's better to let him believe I enjoy masochism. It's better than the truth; there's nothing wrong with being a little kinky. But lying still doesn't sit right with me, and I don't see a reason to do so. He'll say that I shouldn't have done that, and that's it. He's not going to disown me.

"Not pain, painting. I have, um, an erotic painting of him."

Silence, but not for as long as I would think it would take to process that. "I'm assuming he doesn't know about it?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, that's a no-no for sure. But let's put that aside for a moment, he doesn't hate you. What kids say in front of their parents isn't the full truth-trust me I'd know-and, not to insult you or anything, he could've found another study partner if he didn't like you. My guess is that his Mom doesn't like you for whatever reason, but he wanted you anyway."

"So what do I do?"

"You can't have a relationship without telling him about the, uh, painting-secrets eventually will make things crumble-so you'll have to tell him and hope for the best."

Again, I'm unsure about taking my parents' advice. "That's it?"

"Not much you can do when you've already messed up. Just explain yourself, and don't deny your mistake."

"Isn't there a way to..." I'm interrupted by a knock on my door. "No, you're right, thanks Dad. I gotta go now, love you." I hang up.

"Why didn't you do it?" Arya asks as she enters.

"How do you know I didn't?" I shoot back. She crosses the room to tower over me next to the bed and looks at me until I say, "His mom walked in."

"So why didn't you do it on a different day?"

"Because..." I wish I was good at lying, it would be easier than explaining.

"Because?"

"Just...Because!" I yell then lower my voice to change the subject. "Did you finish?"

The bear produces a painting from underneath my eyeline. "I'm not going to do this again." She moves to hand it to me, then notices the spot I already made for it on the wall next to the first, and starts to put it there. "It's too weird."

"What's so different now?" I shift and sit up so I'm no longer staring up at her breasts.

"I've been hanging around Sienna a lot recently." Arya steps back then forward again to adjust the painting's orientation. "And she talks about him a lot after the breakup. And, well, before Mathias was just a reference image so, I don't know, it doesn't feel right anymore."

I can't think of anything to say besides asking her to elaborate and it doesn't seem like she wants to. At my lack of response, she makes sure it's aligned a final time and leaves.

With Arya no longer in the way I analyze the new painting and, it doesn't arouse me at all. I know I came twenty minutes ago, but that's never stopped me before. It's probably because I don't focus on the action at all. My eyes are drawn to a black mark on Mathias's side where his rib cage ends. It's small and goes around to his back and out of view.

In the other painting, the mark would be on his side facing away from the camera. When I start to compare them, it's obvious that Arya painted him differently. In the new one, she gave him a lot more defined muscles. That is probably her having fun with it, the surprising part is his paws. He's reaching them out to me (presumably to help stabilize my precarious position), and though I can't see them trembling in that way he does when he's overwhelmed, I know they are.