Toontown - the oldest trick in the book

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The fact that it is still used shows that it still works. Often enough, anyway.


Bagheera looked very pleased with himself. It wasn't hard to see why.

The panther padded into the back room of the bar, sleek and fat. His belly drooped nearly to the floor, round and sloshing. The softened shape was hard to make out until you saw the unmistakable round lump of skull bulging from his flank. A partially digested human occupied the panther's stomach.

Minerva was sitting across from Shere Khan when Bagheera showed up. The tiger was in his feral Jungle Book form like Bagheera, not his later anthropomorphic Tale Spin one, and sat on the floor. He was tall enough sitting down to see over the table and look Minerva in the eye even though the mink was in a chair. He was easily five times her size and twice Bagheera's, or would be if the panther's belly was empty.

"Oh yes," growled the tiger. "I expected that would happen when I saw him talking with that tourist. That was this morning. Digesting a whole human does take a while."

The panther found a quiet place by the wall, flopped over on his side and belched. A wave communicated itself across his soft belly as the mostly liquefied tourist sloshed. The shapes of still intact bones bulged through his cartoon fur. There had been enough time for his stomach acids to dissolve most or all of the tourist's flesh.

Eventually the bones too would break down and turn his droppings white. Toons didn't need to poop unless the cartoon called for it or they ate real-world food. Humans counted as the latter and Bagheera would be passing used-to-be-tourist for a while yet.

Minerva and Shere Khan enjoyed meals of human tourist when they could, too. The mink had to take them by surprise to get them down while Khan simply overpowered them. It still amazed her that a tiger whose whole role revolved around wanting to eat a human got so many trusting tourists into his bed, and then promptly into his stomach.

"Of course, sometimes they don't digest at all," growled Khan rather grumpily.

"Now now," purred Minerva. "If you digested Mowgli and he stayed digested, you'd miss the hunt."

The old Jungle Book crew had developed into a sort of weird predatory fraternity that could only exist among toons. Shere Khan was at the top of the pyramid but Kaa, bigger in the movie than in the books, occasionally swallowed him. Once in a while, when he was in a compliant mood, Khan even let Baloo eat him. Khan preyed on everyone and on one memorable occasion swallowed Kaa, who had swallowed Baloo, who had swallowed Bagheera, who had swallowed Mowgli.

The result was an extremely well fed tiger who, too full to move, let out a contented belch and settled down to digest his meals. Which of course he couldn't.

"You're probably right," Khan growled. "But a tiger can dream."

Minerva's eyes were fixed on Bagheera. "I wonder how he caught this one. He was in the front room of the bar, we're only allowed to eat people there if they volunteer. Of course they usually don't realize it's a one time trip down a throat, but volunteering is volunteering."

"He has his ways," Shere Khan growled. He was licking up cartoon beer from a bowl when Minerva's curiosity got the better of her. Minerva rose and padded over to Bagheera, turning the nearest chair so she faced the sleepy, well fed cat.

"Khan says you have your ways of scoring meals," she purred. She rubbed the black panther's belly with one foot, feeling the soft, half digested human shift inside him.

"Mmmm," Bagheera growled. "I do. But so do you, little mink."

"My way isn't very subtle," Minerva purred. "You got this one right in the front room. I can't do that."

"There are ways to get a meal without luring them in with sex or starting a big fight," Bagheera growled. He yawned and looked about ready to doze off. Minerva rubbed harder with her foot and gradually slipped it down his fat belly toward his groin.

"Hey now," Bagheera growled. "If you keep doing that, something will happen. This isn't the right place for that."

A toon's naughty bits hid out of sight to save animation time and avoid shocking parents who looked past their child's head at the screen. They appeared only when needed, and if Minerva's foot went any lower Bagheera would need his.

"We can go somewhere private," she purred, and rubbed his belly just shy of where his bits would appear. "You can tell me how you got your meal, and I'm sure I can find something to give you in exchange."

"All right," Bagheera growled, who was just as interested in that sort of offer as he'd been half a century before. He rolled to his feet, stretched, and followed her to the room's back wall.

Minerva fed a toonbuck into a slot and a narrow door popped open. The little rooms weren't meant for long term occupancy but they did have a bed, which they absolutely did need, and a toilet, which they needed often enough. Mostly they were used for trysts between toons or between toon and human, but she and others had holed up here as they digested some hapless tourist or other. Thus, the toilet.

Bagheera leapt up onto the bed, slowed but not stopped by his fat belly, and flopped once more onto his side. Minerva stretched out next to him and ran a hand down his sloshing gut until she was almost to his tail. He lacked any openings down here, because they weren't needed at the moment. He'd need his asshole when the next batch of tourist was ready to leave, and he needed the rest of his lower equipment right now. Minerva rubbed his groin until a panther sheath and balls appeared as if by magic under her hand.

Leopards aren't particularly well hung but he was twice her size and his sheath swelled in her hand. It had been some time since they fucked but she knew their bits would fit together just fine. Even a cartoon cat has barbs, which made up for a certain lack of size.

"Now," she purred, and Bagheera matched her purr for purr as she massaged his sheath, "Tell me how you talked that tourist into your gut."

"It wasn't hard," Baloo growled. He grimaced as he spoke, and pawed at his cheek. "They tend to be really...excuse me." The panther worked his lower jaw from side to side and poked a claw into his mouth.

It was a good performance, and just as a toon will always fall for bait like Shave And A Haircut, the more Bagheera pawed at his mouth in obvious discomfort the more she felt compelled to help. Some toons are far more resistant to the Rule Of Funny than Minerva. Bugs or the Road Runner would have snickered at the very attempt and brought out the cartoon TNT, but she wasn't Bugs.

"Hold on," she purred, "let me see what's stuck in there." Bagheera nodded gratefully and yawned. Minerva stood up on her knees, leaned forward and looked in his mouth.

"...Gullible," Bagheera growled, continuing his statement from before, and stuffed her into his maw with his forepaws.

Cartoon fangs scraped through Minerva's mane of champaign-colored headfur and suddenly she was in Bagheera's gullet to the hips. The panther tossed his head, gathering her rump up into his maw, and as his tongue bunched up against her groin Minerva was helpless to stop what would happen next. He lifted his muzzle, creating a slick chute of gullet in front of her nose, and she felt the panther tense. One gulp and she'd slide smoothly into his stomach.

It wasn't the first time she was eaten, but there was something different this time. As the panther prepared to swallow her down her nose was pressed against the muscular valve between cartoon throat and cartoon stomach. On the far side of it she heard the continual gurgle as an entire human was digested.

If she were a real mink, her hair, champaign tail and white fur would end up in panther droppings or as a coughed-up mass of wet fur after the rest of her dissolved. She wasn't, but being soaked in digesting human for as long as it took the panther to digest his other meal didn't sound fun. With more than her weight in human surrounding her she might even be carried along and go all the way through the panther. However she got out of Bagheera, she would end up with one form or another of digested human all over her.

"This is going to just ruin my hair," Minerva grumped.

Maybe that's why he didn't swallow. Rather than send her sliding into his stomach with one gulp, the panther pinned her knee to the bed with a forepaw and lifted his head. Minerva was pulled wetly out of his maw, coated with a thick layer of gullet slime that would have lubed her up for easy swallowing had he chosen the other option.

"That worked on a human?" Minerva asked, only taken aback by her near trip into a panther's stomach because of the messy digesting human in there. Being eaten whole is hardly a foreign concept to a toon. Even really powerful ones like Popeye got swallowed from time to time. It was just something that happened.

"Not every human," Bagheera purred. He popped his jaws back into shape and lazily licked his chops. "Now, had there not been one in my stomach just now...."

"Well of course, dear," purred Minerva, who had gotten herself into his maw and would understand had he chosen to swallow. He might not be able to digest her, but that didn't mean she wouldn't satisfy his appetite.

"I appreciate you not eating me, though," she purred. "Maybe another time."

Bagheera nodded. "It took three tries on three different humans to get one this morning. Sometimes it doesn't work at all, and of course I can only try it when there is just one human in the bar."

"I'll have to try that sometime," Minerva purred.

"Now," Bagheera purred. "I recall you said something about me getting something in return for this knowledge."

"Something besides a meal?" purred Minerva, who was back on her knees and already stepping over the panther. With his muscular haunches behind her and his full belly in front of her her groin pressed tightly against his and Bagheera's naughty bits had never hidden themselves away.

"Maybe another time," Bagheera purred, then growled as Minerva impaled herself on cartoon panther cock. Minerva's own naughty bits were now needed and here they were, neatly engulfing his thorny shaft.

Bagheera was too full to step over her and mount if he tried it when she was on hands and knees, and his swollen belly would crush her into the bed if he tried it with her lying on her back. Minerva, of course, knew this and had planned this position from the start.

"A good time was had by all," Minerva purred as she began to bounce on the panther's cock.

"Almost all," growled Bagheera, who hooked his forepaws over her thighs to help time her bounces with his best effort at upward thrusts. The man he'd eaten earlier, half digested and reduced to a sloshing mass in the panther's stomach, could not be reached for comment.