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Rebecca's despair

In the cold place she is a pup again, so small and so helpless.

Something is not right, she is alone. "No Becca should not be alone".There is outrage and panic building in her little mind till it fills her every thought. She throws back her little muzzle and wails, where is Momma?, why is she aloooonnnnnneee.

Paws reach down, not Momma's but large and powerful paws that are also gentle and kind. She is rocked and patted.

"Who is it? Ohh its Dada", She feels the hard chest against her head but the paws are gentle and the steady strong beat of his heart makes her feel protected and safe as her little eyes close again.

She is awake again, another time years later it seems, This time she is hungry now but Momma is busy. The pain in her stomach is a dull growling, a hollow fire that builds and builds till again it fill her thoughts. She whimpers knowing if she disturbs momma when daddy is not there she will get a smack. But Momma is always busy on her phone. Her lip trembles. How had she forgotten this? she wonders.

She is playing quietly and Momma is talking to Jonathan on the phone. She seems not to notice the 6-year-old little wolfette.

"Yeah so I am probably going to have to have the brat come with me if I want to keep the money coming and the house, Her voice is a painful mix of scorn and contempt. "

The tone changes to a wheedling almost simpering sweetness,"Yes I know lover but thats what the help is for. We can have lots of time together ... ",

This can't be right Momma loved her, it was all daddy's fault that she couldn't live with Momma wasn't it?

Time moves on and another row. Daddy doesn't live with Mommy but he has insisted that she comes to the house this weekend. She hides in her room, even her earbuds cannot block out her mother's shrieks and unusually for once her father's growls. What had made him so angry? She turns down her music to evesdrop.

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE KELLY, I don't care how many connections your scumbag friend has got. I found his fucking cache of pictures. Did you want a nude of your daughter out there? I know it's not exactly legal to hack him but for fucks sake it's your daughter. "

Her mother has gone silent, and the volume falls so Rebecca can only hear the odd word.

The cadence of the argument builds until as her mother goes to leave her parting shot is scream of, "Oh for FUCKS SAKE KEEP THE FUCKING BRAT I DIDN'T WANT HER HANGING ABOUT ANY WAY "The door slams.

She is crying, eyes tight closed Daddy is away. She knows she has been rude to Anya; She really knows that Anya doesn't deserve the words she has tried to hurt her with but her pride will not let her take them back. Her shame is making her cry nearly as much as the argument.

, There is a gentle paw on her shoulder.

"NOT saying Im sorry Imm" Anya takes the pup in her arms and rocks her as the bubble bursts inside and the tears flow.

She can feel a little movement in Anya's belly as it presses against her. There is a glow in her heart as Anya puts her paw on her belly for Rebecca to feel a little kick "Your brother wants to say hi to you hun"

There is a strange feeling has she smiles as if her face has forgotten this expression over its usual scowl. "Sorry Anya "

Her brother or the Bother as she calls him to her friends. Stink pup, drool boy Tiresome Timmy. For all of her attempts to push the little male away his face however always lights up when he sees her. "Becca "his little voice full of love for his sister,wide eyed innocent gaze of admiration and joy at her presence. . She sees the faces of her family.

Her mother's dismissive sneer, so easily replaced by simpering concern and care should any one else be watching.

Behind the pain and disappointment of another incident being reported to him her father's eyesalso never lose their love for her. Nor she realise do Anya's even when she has tried her hardest to be foul mouthed and objectionable. Dissapproval yes but of her actions, in all their eyes the unconditional love so absent from her mother's face.

The clippers are in her paw.Why is she doing this? Why is she so mad at her friend's comments? So Timmy is getting a white tail now his puppy grey is growing out. Why? It feels like it is some other fur about to do this awful demeaning thing to her sweet little brother.

The shame rushes over her. Worse than the cold of the water is the chill in her heart. She knows why her dad sent her away. She knows she deserves it and more and there is no way to say sorry now.

"Oh goddess " She silently begs "No don't let this be her final memory, her final thought. "Please, "she pleads to the uncaring cold of the waters that grip her for a chance to make it right or just oblivion, an end.

Water enters her nose and throat, she is paralysed by the cold unable to raise her head, she chokes. The goddess is not feeling merciful it seems. She rouses enough to feel the panic and pain. To fight for a last breath, her lungs are now full of water. She tries to thrash to fight for one last breath that will not come.