Chapter 42: I Love You, Worthless Male
#42 of The Mating Season 5
Chapter 42: I Love You, Worthless Male
Keeno knew Zalia would be home when he returned. Because he knew her. He knew how much she hated it, each time he left the village. He knew that she sat up at night, scared out of her pretty mind that he was somewhere having his throat cut at that very moment. For after everything that had happened to Keeno the first time he left the summer village with Kilyan, life stopped for Zalia anytime he left thereafter. She didn't mind the family herds in the fields. She hardly left the house. Keeno knew these things because Lea had told him, had kept tabs on Zalia for him whenever he was gone. And so, even though Zalia tried to keep her terror a well-buried secret, Keeno was well aware of the sorrow, of the longing she felt each time he was absent from the village.
"She told me," Lea had once said, taking Keeno aside, "that whenever you're gone it's like . . . like the house doesn't have any air. It's like there's no light. No life." And how somberly Lea had looked at Keeno, as if to warn him: don't break my best friend's heart!
Keeno had felt so guilty to hear Lea's words. To be honest with himself, Zalia's girlish infatuation with him had been something he'd always been aware of - however vaguely. But he never realized until they were married just how much Zalia not only loved him but needed him.
God, he thought as he walked up the street, what was so great about him that Zalia was ready to die every time he left the village? What was so great about him that Roriana had died for want of him? He could understand Zalia's feelings: he had grown up around her, and they had been friends long before they were lovers. And in a way - though secretly - his heart had always belonged to Zalia. But Roriana? Why? Why had she fallen so desperately? He couldn't understand it, and he was hoping that, somehow, Zalia could enlighten him.
It wasn't that Keeno thought lowly of himself. No, the fact that he had once considered himself the most handsome and most sexually skilled young male in the village had only furthered his success as a playboy, the fear of protective mothers and the bane of protective fathers. But growing up, he had soon come to realize that sex and looks were not the world - at least not in the eyes of females - and he began to wonder what else he had going for himself. Was he just a pretty face and a skilled tongue? The fact that he just might be that and that alone secretly terrified him, and how many times had he looked upon Kilyan in envy - Kilyan who was considered so fearless and strong and good by one and all?
So Keeno walked along, finally determined to ask Zalia just why she had fallen in love with him, just why she had risked banishment to be at his side when it was common knowledge that he had fucked almost every girl in the village and probably carried some disease. Why had fourteen-year-old Zalia looked at Keeno with new eyes and decided that he must be hers and hers alone? Today, he wanted to finally make sense of it all: Roriana's death, Zalia's fierce devotion. Today, he wanted to measure his worth.
Keeno entered his hut at last, the cool wintry air clinging to his fur. The blast of the fire melted the chill away as he entered the room and stood his spear against the wall. Zalia was kneeling beside the fire, looking strained and miserable as she sewed. It shocked him. He had never seen her so sad. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't even heard him enter. She looked up, startled by the clink of his spear blade against the wall, and her face lit up.
"Oh, Keeno!" Zalia cried, throwing aside her sewing. She ran to him and hugged his neck, and he smiled warmly as her softness, as her sweet smell crushed so deliciously against him.
"Keeno, Keeno!" Zalia sighed, kissing her husband's face. She pulled back and smiled up at him. He suddenly laughed and pulled her tight in a hug. She laughed too, sounding so thrilled, so relieved that he was home in one piece. He felt himself get hard against her. Zalia felt it too. She jerked her shawl open with a flick of the button, and he lifted her against him. Her thighs wrapped quick around his hips, and he thrust up and in, her breasts crushing warm and soft near his face, her head falling back as his thick shaft filled her.
They panted as they moved together, and Keeno clenched his teeth when Zalia's long nails curled in his flesh, pinching him with her growing excitement. Her head fell forward and she closed her breathless mouth over his, forced her tongue in and moaned against his lips. He nibbled her lip and kissed her back deeply, and as her wet walls enfolded him so hot, he scolded himself for ever leaving something so heavenly so long in sorrow for him.
Zalia came, and Keeno sank to his knees, still clutching her ass in fistfuls as they moved against each other. His brows were pressed together and his tongue slid out, hanging over his lip. God, he was coming. But it was a strain, as if he could not force that pleasure to climax. He licked Zalia's breasts, silently encouraging himself, but Zalia did something that made him come and bite his tongue in the process: she clenched her pussy around him, massaging his cock with the skill of a hot mouth, and he came, crying out behind her kiss.
When they were laying content beside the fire, Keeno bit his lip as he tried to gather his nerve. He had never told Zalia about Roriana. Never. He wasn't like Kilyan, he knew: he could not be one hundred percent honest with his wife. He and Zalia, their relationship was not so open. It couldn't afford to be. Zalia was very jealous - had always been - and she might possibly never forgive his infidelity. She was a no-nonsense female and would have tossed him out on his ass in a heartbeat.
Walking along with his father, a very young Keeno had witnessed Kira kicking Loryn out of their home, had seen the two yelling and cursing, had seen Lea's tears as she hovered in the doorway behind her mother's flashing tail. Lea had been so small and white and frightened, watching in terror as Kira threw Loryn's things in his face. Sleeping furs, weapons, pipes. All out in the mud. And how the neighborhood had laughed. Keeno had stood there holding his father's paw and had silently sworn that such a thing would never, never happen to him.
But it wasn't just his own pride that was at stake. There was also the matter of Zalia's heart. Looking down at his wife as she smiled and snuggled against him, Keeno knew he didn't want to hurt Zalia for the world. The fact that he had broken his promise, that he had been with another - that he had even come to care for that other - would infuriate Zalia. It would tear her up inside. It would make her think that he did not love her - which wasn't true at all. He loved Zalia and Enya, his family, more than life itself. But once he told her about Roriana, there would be no convincing her. She would yell, she would cry, she would beat him, she would gather his things and throw him out, and he'd be knocking at Aros' hut before the morning had waned.
But, god, he wanted to talk to Zalia about it. He wanted to be like Kilyan just once: he wanted to be honest.
"Zalia," Keeno said heavily into the silence. Their fingers were playfully linked together, and he squeezed her paw in his. "Zalia, there's something I . . . something we should . . ."
Keeno closed his eyes and was glad when Zalia yawned and interrupted happily, "So how was my Enya? She sent me a letter once you left the sun village. Said it took you forever to notice she was pregnant." Zalia laughed.
Keeno laughed too, a little proud that she sounded so tired: he still prided himself on being able to tame wild Zalia into a sleepy state. "Ah, so you knew too, huh? Damn, did everyone know but me?"
Zalia laughed again. "Enya told me and Lea way back before she was even showing. Lea and I made a bet that you'd be the last to figure it out. Lea betted for you, I betted against: I knew you'd never notice."
Keeno grinned, "Gee, thank you. What did you win?"
"A basket of fresh strawberries from her garden. You know how I love fruit. So how was Enya? Everything is fine, right? With the baby? With her and Yuri?"
"Oh, she's fine," Keeno assured his wife. "She was a little miserable. You know, Yuri works all the time. But a bunch of stuff happened and Yuri had to switch jobs. So I guess she'll have more time for Enya. Everything was alright when I left. They seemed . . . happy - and don't say I told you so," Keeno added quickly when Zalia lifted her eyebrows.
Zalia playfully pretended to button her lips.
They snuggled closer and fell into a happy silence. Then Keeno remembered . . . he wanted to be honest. He sighed and tried again, "Zalia, there's something I want to tell you, something I should have told you years ago --"
"She died, didn't she? Roriana. That was her name."
Keeno fell silent, and he was so shocked, he didn't know what to say.
"Kilyan told Lea and Ohana about it years ago, everything that happened in the jungle," went on Zalia quietly, "and later, Lea told me. Don't be so surprised, Keeno. Lea and I have been like this since we were born." She showed Keeno her crossed fingers to indicate. "We share everything, or I couldn't call her my sister."
"So you knew all this time," Keeno said in a low voice.
"Mm, hmm."
"Why didn't you kick me out? Smack me around? You know, the usual Zalia stuff?"
Zalia laughed sadly. "You were frightened and had no choice, Keeno! It's not like you went after Roriana. And the fact that you broke her heart, that she shot you and so much happened . . . that was bad enough. You didn't need my anger adding to whatever burden you've been carrying all these years.
"I mean, of course I was angry. When Lea first told me, I leapt up to go find you. I was gonna humiliate you right there on patrol, slap you in the face and everything for lying to me. But Lea made me see reason, she kept me from leaving the hut. And as she held me and as I listened to her . . . I realized that you had lied to protect me, to protect our family from falling apart, and that you and Roriana never would have happened if you'd been given the choice.
"Kilyan had described you to Lea and Ohana as being so frightened the whole time, so frightened that you would never see me and Enya again. That's when I realized how much you loved me, and suddenly, you being with Roriana? It didn't matter."
Keeno closed his eyes, grateful that - because of Kilyan's honesty - he had been saved from the task of having to explain. But his eyes snapped open again when Zalia added,
"And besides, you've also been with Aros. If I got mad every time some wolf raped you, we wouldn't be together now."
Keeno shot upright. "Whoa, whoa - what?"
Zalia sat up too, and Keeno could tell by the pucker in her cheeks that she was trying not to laugh at him. "Oh, it was nothing, honey. Just something that happened with you and Aros - you know, back when he was fighting with Lila - well, he's still fighting with Lila, but it was worse then --"
"Zalia!"
"So are you hungry? You must be. I'll fix you something to eat --"
"Zalia!" Keeno cried again and grabbed his wife's shoulders when she moved to rise. He peered, wide-eyed, into her face. "What in god's name are you talking about? Now I've been honest with you, you be honest with me! Did . . ." He swallowed hard, swallowed as if to calm the terror rising up inside. "Did something happen with me and Aros?"
Zalia sighed as if she wished she hadn't said anything. "Well . . . remember that night when you and Enya had that big fight?"
"Vaguely," Keeno answered, still peering hard into her face.
"You stormed out of the house and went over to his place. He got you and Kilyan drunk. Ohana told me how Kilyan came home slurring --"
"Uh, huh, yeah - now what about that other thing you couldn't have said?"
Zalia winced. "You mean the part about Aros sleeping with you?"
"Ah!" Keeno let Zalia go and dropped his face in his paws. No, no, she couldn't have said that. It couldn't have happened. Maybe this was just payback for fucking around on her with Roriana. Maybe she was teasing him. Oh, god, let her be teasing him! But he knew it was the absolute truth when Zalia stroked his mane and said soothingly, "Oh, come on, Keeno! It couldn't have been that bad! You never complained of your ass hurting once - I don't think you even felt anything, you were so drunk --"
"Oh, god, so he fucked me? That's even worse!" Keeno groaned. "Wait a minute!" He looked up. "How do you know?"
Zalia looked at her husband sheepishly. "You fell asleep. I washed you to get the smell of the drink off and . . . you were red. . . . there. And tender. You jumped if I touched it. Besides," she added darkly, "you reeked of Aros. I could smell him all over you, his cum, his spit. He sucked you and fucked you and everything. I went over there and I told him I would never forgive him for it."
Keeno dragged his paw wearily through his mane. "And what did he say?"
"That you gave your consent," Zalia said with a shrug. "He begged you to let him and you rolled over. I didn't want to believe it, but since we've both been friends with Aros all our lives, it's hard to think of him really raping you."
Keeno laughed humorlessly. "Nah, Aros is no rapist. He's more the kind that gets raped . . . Oh, Zalia, god - how do I begin to apologize --"
"Don't," said Zalia, folding her arms. "What's done is done. I've already learned that the only way to stop more intoxicated fucks is to keep you from hanging out with Aros. I never liked you over there anyway - especially when you and Lila had a history --"
"Oh, Zalia, don't start with that Lila shit again," Keeno said wearily. "That was eons ago. And she likes tail chasers anyway: picks 'em every time."
Zalia watched her husband rise, her arms still folded as she said, "Exactly."
Keeno whirled. "Hey! That's not funny, Zalia! One drunken fuck does not make a guy - I've never thought of other guys like that --"
Zalia suddenly laughed. "Oh, Keeno, calm down. Aros said you called out my name the whole time and that you kept pawing his chest and asking where his tits were."
Keeno laughed and slapped a paw to his face. He sank beside Zalia again and they smiled at each other.
"So . . . how did you know Roriana was - you know?"
Zalia took his paw. "I figured she had to have passed on if you were suddenly ready to talk about her," she said, peering sadly into her husband's eyes.
Keeno bowed his head and swallowed hard, his tan mane falling into his eyes. "Zalia," he said to his knees, "she died because of me. Because of me. I knew it once Kilyan told me she was gone, but I never wanted to believe it. Then, on this past journey, it hit me like a ton of bricks --"
Keeno's voice broke, and Zalia took him into her arms. He sagged against her, feeling wretched as she held him tight and stroked his mane. He held her back, glad that he had Zalia, that he always had Zalia.
"I don't understand," Keeno said miserably, "why other wolves always want me so badly."
"Neither do I," Zalia teased. "But we want you, you worthless thing, you."
Keeno sniffed. He dropped his forehead against hers and they gazed warmly at each other. She took his paws and whispered against the low crackle of the fire,
"We love you because you're loyal and good, handsome, protecting, devoted - stubborn, arrogant, short-tempered. It all has its charm. And because of that, we will go on loving you - me, right here, right now; Aros from a distance; and Roriana for eternity."
And Zalia kissed Keeno, so tenderly, so sweetly that he knew he would never question his worth again.