FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

What Was Missing

By Dark Violet

This is a story about how I found what I had been looking for my whole life. And how it came from somewhere… I never expected.

It started around noon, in the hunter's guild. The sometimes calm bubbling of the river past the balcony was nothing against the shouting and laughing of the crowd of hunters and their companions, crammed around tables and lounging against the bar, ribbing and grumbling and praising, while a half dozen little palicos scampered underfoot with bundles of weapons and trays of food. The air was rich with roasting meat and sweet dango, billowing out from the ovens and counters from within the guild's main hall alongside a barely-audible chorus of song.

The clamour of sounds and smells filled the whole balcony - all except for my own little corner, shaded beneath a cherry blossom tree. I was not a part of it. These things always made me feel awkward.

I leaned over my pack, trying to figure out how to stuff in an extra set of provisions. It was a little hard going - Casanova kept poking his snout in, snuffling at the bags within, and I kept having to ease him away with increasing tiredness. I eventually wrapped a hand around his nose and pulled it out, closing up the leather straps over the bulging pack.

The palamute stared up at me with plaintive eyes, the flower stem he held in his muzzle drooping comically.

“You can have it later, Cas," I lectured, feeling a little rotten as I did. “If I can think of something to do with it, of course..." I picked up the small pile of pans and portable spit, and started strapping them to the side of the bag. I tried to ignore how the canyne sat heavily down on the wooden boards, with a warm huff of frustration.

I jumped as a meaty hand landed on my shoulder.

“Come on! Join us!"

I turned. Ah, yes - Masashi. He beamed at me from below a pair of thick eyebrows, his smile as broad as a great sword. His typical thin leather jerkin clinked with a hundred little trinkets and small monster bones as he gestured me over.

“I - thanks," I stammered - like I said, I was never very good at these things. "B-but…"

“Hey, come on. Just one noon meal!" He clapped his hands together, and then flicked his head towards the next table.

And there they were, Masashi's crew. Haruki, with their partner Chikako. Katsunori and Nanako. And there in the corner, even Masashi's wife, Sumiko. All gathered around the table, chowing down on helpings from a pot of Katsunori's latest creation. A myriad of couples, all enjoying the noon meal together.

I pictured myself sitting there. Just me. Conversation cascading like a waterfall, and none of it mine.

My heart tightened, in an old and familiar way-

Something wet poked at my hand.

I glanced down, brought from the cold reverie. There was Casanova; his tawny brown fur was almost gold in the sunlight, his dark markings a vibrant chocolate. The red flower he held from his mouth swayed as he tilted his head to one side. He looked up at me with his deep sapphire eyes, little pools of questioning, of concern.

I coughed, glancing back up. “I… I'd love to…",

Masashi beamed-

“...but…"

-and his face fell.

“...I'm just about to head out."

Masashi's eyebrows drooped around his eyes. “Oh, come on. There's not been a large monster sighting out there all week. Nothing out there to threaten the village. And the storehouse'll tip into the river if it gets any more full! What're you looking for out there?"

I gave a half-laugh, forced up from some ingrained facade. “Oh, just… a few things."

I didn't want to evade, it's just… he would have laughed if I told him why I didn't want to sit with him and his group.

He looked at me for a second. Just a second. But it was enough of a pause in the conversation that I could feel the lack of sincerity in my words, settle in his head.

“Well, if that's what you want," he said, and there was a mild grumpiness to his voice that he probably hadn't intended to show. “You're always welcome for mealtimes, you know?"

I nodded, as I should do. “Thanks." And I stood there.

Masashi patted me again, giving me a kind smile, and turned back to the bench.

I left quickly after that, almost tripping over one of the palicos as it swayed back and forth through the tables, a small forest of dango skewers dancing on the platter above its head. Casanova's claws tapped along the wooden boards behind me, never losing me, his long legs easily able to match my stride even when I wasn't laden by half a full hunting pack. My pans clanked against each other as I slipped around the cloth door that covered the exit to the river, and the boats waiting on it, and finally the bustling camaraderie of the mealtime faded and muffled.

I kept seeing the disappointment in Masashi's face.

I wished I could tell him, but… but I couldn't. It was… it was silly.

He didn't know what was missing. And honestly? At that point? Neither did I.

***

The boat trip to the old shrine was uneventful. I flashed my ticket - an old, well-used gathering request. Bursting storehouses or not, Kamura was still on the edge of a wilderness teeming with monsters, and healing herbs and fresh honey for salves could never be in too much supply. There was always someone looking for some extra plants, and not to brag, but no-one knew them better than me.

The two palicos manning the boats meowed their acceptance, and paddled the two of us across. Casanova must have left behind his drooping flower, and now held a stem of river weed that he must have found before we set off, the brown bundle of seeds at the end rippling in the sunny breeze. He seemed rather proud of how long it was, lifting his head up, blinking in the sunlight and pattering his paws against the boat's slats. He easily kept it high above one of the palicos that was insistently trying to bat at it, while its companion yowled complaints at having to do all the rowing themselves.

We docked, and I tipped the palicos with a usual couple of small dried fish I'd caught earlier in the week, which distracted them long enough for Casanova to trot away with his reed intact. The little cats were still fighting over who would get both of them as I climbed away into the rocky cliffs, up the well-worn path that led to the hunter's base camp.

Casanova trotted in front of me, nose twitching at the familiar scents. Muscles bunched and stretched under his short, scruffy fur as he pranced effortlessly from root to rock. Every few bounds, he would pause and turn, waiting for me, and his eyes would shine in the afternoon sunlight. He often did this, but I swore there was something different about it this time - some… insistence. Some earnestness on his long muzzle. Hah, hell if I knew. Either way, I found myself smiling up at him, hoping to distract myself from the thoughts that Masashi's kind gesture had swirled up.

Near the top, Casanova disappeared around a bend in the rock, harried panting echoing against the stone. I called to him, but he didn't seem to hear - the rustling of cliff-hanging trees below my feet was too loud, their branches swaying into the rock wall from the wind. I sighed, and began to jog after him. I couldn't blame him; I could barely keep from the view myself.

As I rounded the corner, and ducked under a small gap in the rock wall, there he was - standing proudly in the gulch that the base camp nestled in. The small valley slid down the side of the ridge with a small reed-clad river, before the lip - a thundering of the waterfall softened into playful gurgling with distance - opened out into a spectacular array of pale mountain peaks and scarves of green canopies, punctuated by the moss-coated roofs of hidden buildings. Distance painted the scene with pale blues and teals.

The woods that sprung up around these peaks used to host an old shrine - not some small flat rocks in a little cave, but a grandiose series of buildings. At its height, it must have been a beautiful clamour - the steady stream of pilgrims, the washer-palicos at the river's edge, the hawkers of wares and food in the stalls that lined the valley.

Of course, that had been at least a decade back. Over the years, the ever-onward press of monsters had eventually made life difficult, and then tenuous, and then - as the greater winged beasts began to take an interest - outright impossible. So now, all that was left was a series of crumbling walls and old resting places and bath houses with only half their roofs, and a hundred tiny nooks and glades where nature had reclaimed the land. Including, of course, the monsters, which cared little for a bittergreen plant, and a lot for passing hunters.

I smiled, and trailed my hand across Casanova's back as I walked past him. “Come on, boy," I encouraged, patting his toned shoulders without having to bend down to reach them. “We've got gathering to do."

And that, in truth, was the better part of the afternoon. After clambering down the vines that led down the slope of the ridge, it was variously walking, climbing, and walking, occasionally punctuated by scrabbling in the undergrowth for fresh herbs. I knew where to look. Other hunters, well, they may be best at telling a Barioth from a Zinogre track, at figuring out how big a resident Nargacuga was by the size of the quills lodged in any trees. Me? All I can get from a track is knowing if something is too big for my token iron blades.

But I know in which niches the bitterherb grow, and which old timbers tended to produce the greenest softmoss. And few knew, too, that if you got on your back and pulled yourself under some of the deepest bushes, that you could find orchidstem rising up from an old half-buried monster kill, young and honey-like. Why, in the hands of a good enough chef, orchidstem could be the key ingredient for an evening meal shared by a young couple under the cherry blossom…

…and that was also the better part of the afternoon. Asking why, oh why, my mind kept wandering to those same, heart-aching places. I knew I wouldn't find what I was missing on this trip. I never did. It was just a way to earn some money and pass the time, while Casanova trotted along by my side, never too far away.

Eventually, the sun sank below even the lowest valleys, and the sky was turning the deep indigo of twilight. I set up camp in my usual hideaway - I'd found a perfect alcove a few moons ago, by a cliff in one of the small valleys, half-hidden by the drooping boughs of an old tree, the remains of a small shrine to some forgotten spirit still visible among the moss. I emptied my pack methodically, setting up the tanned hide for cover, the Barioth fur-lined sleeping bag, and finally resting my array of pans and supplies by the small fire pit.

In the last light of the day I gathered a few handfuls of kindling and some of the drier branches I could find - Casanova stubbornly refused to give up anything he found, of course. Not that I could have brought myself to take anything from him. I let him play-bow at me, long tail curling playfully over his thin, fluffy rear, before he danced off with a young bud-covered twig between his jaws.

Either way, before the stars had revealed their full majesty, I already had a fire going. I sat on a small moss-covered rock, staring into a bubbling pot, while the night calls of cohoots echoed around the rock walls.

Somewhere out beyond them Casanova was sniffing around for his next green trinket. He'd been out there for a while now. I felt a little cold - not from the night, but… inside. Like I was missing a blanket for my heart. I didn't know why.

Instead, I focused on the pot. The meal was one I'd been working on for a while. Dried bullfango meat, some carrots, half a skin of red wine. Dash of sake, if you wanted a bit of a zing to the taste. A few other vegetables and roots, if you could find them out and about. Putting it together right now allayed my thoughts somewhat, and now I poked the simmering mixture, waiting for it all to come together.

For it all to work out.

For it all… to just…

I sighed. I leaned back. I rubbed my hands across my face, and when I did, I saw that full mealtime-table with Katsunori's latest dish, and all the hunters arm in arm and head on shoulder around it…

Leaves rustled. I started, one hand instinctively reaching for the handle of one of my iron blades - but as the hanging branches at the mouth of the little alcove parted, all they revealed was the pointed snout and splayed ears of Casanova, his tawny fur with little brown mask showing in even stronger contrast than normal in the firelight. A fresh, leafy stem hung from his muzzle.

I breathed out, smiling at him, and then looked back to the stew.

Huff.

I glanced back at him, my eyebrows raised. “Yes, boy?"

Casanova was still staring at me.

I narrowed my eyes. “What is it, Casa?"

He stamped one paw, twitching his muzzle towards me. Huff.

I frowned. “Casa… yeah. Listen, I'm sorry if I haven't been good company today. I've just been…" I sighed, hanging my head, rubbing my eyes again. Masashi's smile beamed back at me as I did. “I just… there's something missing. From… well, you know. And I don't know what! Well… I mean, obviously I… kind of know what, but not… what. You know?"

Casanova still stared. His tail hung behind him, still, as if he was waiting for something.

I pressed another smile to my face, and stared into the stew. “No… I know. I know you can't really help, but-"

Casanova huffed again, and twitched his muzzle. I stared back at him. What was he…?

He stepped closer, around the fire, with long, lithe legs. His claws, worn with a life of darting around valleys and forest paths, clattered as he stepped on the old stones of the shrine. The firelight cast shadows across his face - deep shadows, accentuating the smooth spear of his snout, the sweeping curve of his eyes, the way the fur ran like a river towards his neck and then down along his slim, toned, athletic body.

My heart fluttered. I could heart my pulse in my ears, and… and I realised, then, that I didn't want to take my eyes off him. He was stepping with a strange confidence, carefully, deliberately, his muscles twitching and fur swaying. His paws splayed on the rocks with every step.

Casanova was not a palamute to idly do much of anything. He had his mind set on something, and when I realised that, my breath came short.

“Casa, what are you…?"

He stepped close to me, his muzzle inches from my face. He huffed again - the musty smell of his breath smelt… almost floral. Intoxicating.

I stared into his sapphire eyes.

“Casa…" I muttered. “What…"

He lifted his head slowly.

“What… is that herb you're carrying?"

He opened his mouth. I gently reached in, and for the first time since I'd known him, he willingly let me take a plant from his jaws.

I sniffed it. The floral scent swam through me - but not floral like a cherry blossom. No, this was floral, like… like an earthy rose. An almost savoury kind of floral, one that kept me pressing my nose against its leaves, rubbing their soft tops to elicit more of it, a floral that…

A floral that would go well in the meal!

My mind swam. I saw nothing but the plant, the pot - and Casanova, watching me with those kind sapphire eyes, and with an open, empty muzzle, tongue lolling from between his fangs.

“Casa…" I laughed, staring from the plant to his sweet face and back. “Casa… I think you've done it! You've found it!" I stood up, holding it in my hands like a mother would hold a newborn child. “You've found the thing I was missing…!"

Casa let out a short bark of happiness, his tail wagging, casting playful shadows across the rock walls.

I laughed and hooted, smelling the herb again. Yes. Yes! All these years of missing the key ingredient that would make my dishes bubble. That would make my food dance in people's mouths, make them keep coming back for more! Finally, finally I could contribute to the mealtimes with Masashi's crew, something that would make them cry out at how tasty it was! Finally I could be what I had been craving all these years - the good chef I knew I could be.

I had… I had what I was missing.

“Casa…" I breathed, staring at my beautiful partner. “Can you show me where you found this?"

Casanova barked again, twirling around in a circle, and then turned and dashed out between the branches - and I followed, laughing, hot on his heels.

And that's how I finally finished the recipe for my signature dish. It has brought me so many grateful smiles, and laughs, and most of all, it's brought me what I was always missing in life. And it's all thanks to my sweet dog, Casanova!

This is a dish that's excellent for gatherings, since it can feed many people - though you might have to make a lot with everyone coming back for seconds! The red wine gives it a richness that's sure to impress, and the secret ingredient of fresh basil gives it a delicate flavour that completes the dish like no other.

You will need:

• 2kg meat, diced - I use Pork, but Chicken can work too.

• 800g potatoes, diced (large pieces, I suggest)

• 3 large onions, sliced

• 500g carrots, thickly sliced

• 1 head of garlic, roughly chopped

• 300ml red wine (Old wine works, but fresh wine is best - you can drink it while you cook!)

• 50ml sake (optional)

• 3 tbsp rosemary

• 3 tbsp thyme

• Stock (Beef or vegetable both work - stock cubes or paste are fine)

• 50g fresh basil, chopped

• Salt and pepper to taste

1: First, seal the meat on a hot frying pan or skillet (you may need to do this several times). Make sure to season it with salt and pepper - I recommend a large dose of pepper, but this is optional. If you want to make a vegetarian dish, halloumi or sweet potato make a different but equally delightful meal.

2: While your meat is frying, boil your potatoes in a large pot. Only use enough water to cover them, and be sure not to throw it away - you'll be using it for the base of your stew.

3: Once your meat is sealed (it doesn't need to be cooked all the way through), add it to your pot.

4: Preheat your oven to 140°C (120°C fan, 280°F, gas mark 1).

4: Lightly fry the onions. Add the garlic just when they're about to turn soft. When the garlic is browning, add everything to the pot.

5: Fry the carrots. Again, you don't need to cook them thoroughly - just until they have a warm shine to them, and are a little soft on the outside. Then, add them to the pot.

6: Deglaze the pan with some of the wine, making sure to get up all the bits of meat and onion and carrot that may be stuck there. Add the wine to the pot.

7: Add the rest of the wine to the pot, along with the rosemary, thyme, stock, and sake (if using). Add most basil last, reserving some of the leaves. Add salt and pepper to taste.

8: Stir well!

9: Pour the mixture into an ovenproof dish, and cover the top with a lid, or with tin foil. Put it in the oven, and cook for at least an hour, or preferably two.

10: Serve with crusty bread. Don't forget to add the remaining basil leaves as garnish!

And that's all you need. Enjoy!

About the Author:

Tatsuki is an avid chef in the Kamura hunters guild, where they spend most of their days coming up with new recipes to delight their friends and visiting hunters alike. On their days off, they like to spend time hunting for new recipes and inspiration with their palamute boyfriend Casanova, with whom they stay in a small hut on the edge of the village. They love sharing their recipes, and believe that whatever your life is missing, a palamute and a full stomach can only make it better. They wish you all a very happy first of the month.