FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I did a few minor edits also I'm including the pdf file here

As the rain began to downpour, Garus went to the bus stop seeking shelter. His latest bender had left him feeling unwell for the past couple of days. After a few coughs, he was left nearly breathless. Taking time to breathe, he sees his reflection in a puddle.

A sickly thin calico cat with random patches of fur missing. The beanie he wore covered up the nasty scar over his left eye, though you can only see the tail end of it if you look closely at his face. His large blue trench coat had patches along the sleeve and a hole in its left pocket. His shirt was riddled with holes, showing bandage work on his stomach. The jeans he wore had holes on both his knees, and his boots were just mud-caked. His tail was also wrapped up in bandages some time ago, though he doesn't remember the last time he had them changed. If anything, he looked like a ghost of his former self.

What happened to me? I used to be at the top of my game, but now. Now, I'm nothing more than some filthy beggar on the streets.

Garus came from a well off family and was in college to get his diploma in business management. Everything was going alright in his life. But one night, he was offered to partake in some experimental drugs provided by a close friend. Soon after that, everything went downhill from there.

As he began to ask for more and more drugs from that friend, he ended up becoming addicted to the more heavier stuff. Soon, he was unable to get out of the addiction and started to crave that blissful high. He begged and borrowed money from friends and family. And when they didn't support him. He resorted to robbing them instead.

Have I really fallen so low these past few years? He let out a soft chuckle followed by some tears.

As he began feeling sorry for himself, a luxurious black car pulled up before him. The man couldn't help but feel a bit envious of the person driving the lovely car. Here he was struggling to find his next meal and in front of him was a guy who had his life put together well enough to afford such luxuries.

Peering into the car, Garus realizes that he knows the guy driving it. Vicktor Stain is a German Shepherd, an old friend of Garus, and someone he hadn't seen in over five years.

Garus felt a mix of emotions seeing his old friend. Happy that he was able to make it big. Jealous at what could have been his life if he hadn't messed up all those years ago. And shame for walking out on him.

He remembered when they were getting their degrees. They both had planned to leave the city after their graduation and head back home to start their own businesses. Vicktor was going to take over his father's company, and Garus was to start his own trade shop.

So, seeing Vicktor still here raised a bit of an eyebrow for Garus, as it seemed that Vicktor could leave whenever he wanted. After all, unlike him, he has no reason to stay here.

Garus quickly got up and began to pull down his beanie to cover what little of his face he could, hoping his old friend would not see him. But, as he made his way down the sidewalk, a voice called out to him, through the rain.

“Garus? Garus Stange, is that you? It's me, Vicktor!"

Though Garus wanted to move, his legs were too weak to take him anywhere. So he just waited, listening to his friend catching up to him.

Vicktor ran up to the disheveled-looking cat in hopes that it was his old pal Garus. He had hope with all of his heart that he wasn't wrong, that it was his old friend who had been missing for over five years. Luckily, the man just stopped long enough for him to catch up, though it seemed like the man couldn't outrun him even if he tried to. The disheveled-looking cat only turned to face him, confirming that it was, in fact, his old pal.

“Hey man, how's it-" In one swift motion, Vicktor embraced Garus in a tight hug. Shocked by the Sheeper's action, he just hugged him back.

“I'm so glad I've finally found you," Vicktor held onto him as if his life depended on it. Knowing that he had already lost him once, he would not let that happen again. “You look-," he gave Garus a once over, “-well, that doesn't matter right now. How have you been?" You could hear the strain in his voice as he tried to keep on a brave face.

“I'm alri-," Garus let out a nasty cough, startling Vicktor.

“Oh, shit, um… let's get you out of the rain," before Garus could even try to protest, he was guided, with a little force, back to the car.

Vicktor opened the passenger's side door and guided Garus in. He made sure that Garus was adequately secure. While fastening his seat belt, Vicktor couldn't help but notice the bandages on his stomach and tail. Though he had questions, he didn't want to ask them right away for fear of Garus not wanting to open up.

“Well, let's get you warm up and feeling better, buddy. We wouldn't want you freezing to death in this weather now, so don't you worry," Vicktor said, giving off one of his trademark smiles that used to always make Garus feel better. He placed his jacket on top of him to help him warm up.

The car was nice and warm—so much better than the abandoned warehouse he would usually stay in on days like these when the shelters in the area were overcrowded. Garus shivered while trying to bundle up in the massive jacket left to him. Upon seeing this, Vicktor turned up the heat a bit more to help him get a little bit more comfortable.

As they drove in silence, Garus could hear the faint sound of Vicktor's tail repeatedly trumping on his seat. It was the only thing that could be heard over the sound of heavy rain.

Garus's tail began to flicker, and his ears started to twitch as he began to ponder whether or not it was a good idea to go with him. Though, it's not like he has much of a choice on that matter. On one paw, there was no actual harm in him getting into the car of an old friend, especially when they offered it. But on the other paw, the last time they saw each other, he stole over four hundred dollars worth of stuff from him and left him in the middle of the night.

Looking over to Vicktor, who was humming to the beat of his tail, he could see how much he had changed in over five years. He looked like he had been hitting the gym, though he had always been tall, 6'3. Back then, he was quite lanky. Now, it seems he has put on some weight. Though now soaking wet, his shirt looked tailor-made and a bit on the high end. He wore slick black pants, whose price Garus couldn't even imagine. His shoes were of a name brand known to charge over two hundred on the low end. His whole outfit just screamed money.

The only thing that looked cheap on him was his watch, which Garus had gifted him on his 23rd birthday eight years ago.

Why did he keep that useless thing? I'm sure he can afford something better than that, Garus said, slightly chuckling, which led to a nasty cough.

“There is some water in the cup holder. It would be best if you drank it," not wanting to argue, Garus took a swing out of the water bottle. The coldness of the drink felt like little pinneedles to the back of his throat as he tried to drink it. It only caused him to cough it back up. “Garus -"

“I'M FINE! I'm fine, so please don't worry about it." He couldn't bring himself to even look at Vicktor as he placed the water back down and bundled back up in the jacket. He just looked off in the distance at the passing of the night lights.

Though the car was as hot as possible, it still felt as cold.

Continuing the drive but still wanting to know how his old friend has been doing, Vicktor decided to break the silence.

“So, how have you been these past few years?"

Garus just kept looking out the side window. Ignoring the question entirely. Pissing Vicktor off. But not wanting to blow up at the cat, he tried a different approach, hoping it would work.

“Remember how we used to take my car out for a drive down the old country road on our days off of school? Or when we would spend time by the lake, just the two of us. Man, those days were the best, right?"

Garus remembers those times quite fondly. They would spend days planning each road trip. Or sometimes they would drive just to drive and find new places. Whatever it was, just the two or whoever would decide to tag along. It was a great way for them to release their stress that week.

He also knew that whenever Vicktor wanted to go to the lake, it was because he had either gotten into a fight with his old man or his girlfriend at the time. He would drive up to the lake to distress and relax. Garus only found out about it because he fell asleep in the back of the car on accident after one of his benders. The German Sheeper was mad at him for breaking into his car. It was the start of their friendship.

“I really missed those days."

“Me too…"

They filled the air with talks about the past, both trying their best not to mention what happened five years ago.

“Garus, you know the others are worried about you as well," Vicktor's words, which he had thought would bring some sense of joy to Garus, only rang hallow. Garus slumped down in his seat, feeling knots in his stomach. “I know you don't want to talk about it, but-" he glanced over to his panicking friend, “-but I want you to know that they forgive you for what you did. They wish that you're okay."

“Why would they miss me after what I did? If anything, I'm sure they would rather me be dead than to see my face." Garus's words cut Vicktor like a knife. He had hoped not to hear him say such a thing. “After all, how did I thank them when they lent a helping paw? By stealing and pawning off their things. Items they can never get back. Family heirlooms are rare collector's items whose companies have forever closed their doors. I still remember how they yelled at you to let them through so they could get at me. Why would THEY worry about me? If anything, they would jump for joy at the news of my death. That I'm sure of."

The car just ranged silent after those words, only to be filled with the sound of Garus quivering in his seat. Vicktor's grip on the wheel grew tighter as he had no idea what to say. He just kept looking forward as the sound of the pouring rain once again filled the car, mixed with the pitiful sobs of the calico cat.

Shooting himself in the foot with that blunder, Vicktor started thinking of something else to cheer him up. Then he remembered that he still had their old playlist on his phone. As soon as he reached another red light, he fidgeted around, searching for it.

“Um … hey, you're gonna love this," the sound of desperation was evident as he fumbled with the phone to find the playlist. “It's the music we used to play together on our road trips," letting out a slight chuckle as music filled the car.

The songs that played for the next few minutes brought little to no joy for Garus. Knowing that the people he had wronged in the past might still care about him made him feel worse for what he had done to them.

Why do people still care about me? I'm pretty sure that he just made it up to get me to come back. But I can't face them, not like this.

“We used to play these songs so much that it just drove everyone crazy," Vicktor let out some more nervous laughter, trying to cheer up his friend. Shoot, my dad was yelling at me the other day to play something else as he got sick and tired of listening to the same songs over and over." Now, that brought a slight smile to Garus's face, which made Vicktor's light up.

“You still listen to this?"

“Yeah, it was the playlist you made for me."

“But it's like seven years old."

“Doesn't matter. Just like the watch you gave me, I treasure it with all my heart."

Those words had made Garus's cheeks turn red. This only caused Vicktor to erupt with laughter, and you could hear his tail rapidly beating on his seat at his friend's embarrassment.

The two then started to talk more about their taste in music and how little it has changed over the years. Vicktor always loved listening to heavy metal and hardcore rock from the 80s and 90s. He said he loved the ruff and brass feeling of the music. But Garus was the complete opposite.

He only listens to classical music and jazz. Garus often listens to music to help him sleep or calm down his nerves. He uses it a lot when he gets out of benders to help him reset and fit in with normal society.

After spending many road trips alone with Vicktor, Garus thought it would have been a great idea to make a playlist that both men would enjoy on their many road trips. He made sure there was a nice balance of their musical tastes so neither one of them would be upset. It also made him happy to know that Vicktor still listens to it after all these years.

“Remember when your dad thought we were dating?" Vicktor rubbed the back of his neck as Garus asked him the question. “I thought he was going to have a heart attack," he then burst out with laughter.

“Well, finding out your only son might be gay does tend to do that to people. And with how close we were, I'm pretty sure most people thought we had something going on," Vicktor playfully punched Garus's shoulder.

“Yeah, I know. Having your girlfriend of the month confront me was never fun," Vicktor sheepishly gave Garus a, 'yeah my bad,' smile.

“What about your dad? Was he upset about the rumors?"

“I have three other siblings. Plus, he never really cared about what I did," Garus took a heavy sigh. “He usually didn't as long as I didn't ruin his name. Guess that ship has sailed, huh."

Looking back at his choices, he wonders if his family even misses him. Would they even want to see him? He did run away right before they could even get him checked into rehab.

“Garus," there was a sternness in the German Sheeper's voice, “we have to talk about what happened and why you left."

“I rather not." He tried to ignore him again, but Vicktor wasn't having it this time.

“Yeah, I know, but guess what? I do!" Vicktor tried his best to hide his voice's rage but failed. “It was bad enough when you stole from me, and all of our friends, but what's worse is when you left, there wasn't even a goodbye," Vicktor was hurt by what Garus had done, but he couldn't face the man eye to eye. “I wanted to help you. SHOOT! I would have helped you. But then, you just left. As if nothing mattered."

Vicktor tried to hold back his tears as he pulled the car into an empty parking lot. The rain only got heavier, and he didn't want to risk the chance to crash the car. At the moment, he didn't trust his current state of mind enough to be able to drive.

“You have no idea what I felt when I saw you in front of my apartment—tweaking out asking for help after no one has seen you for about a month. Our friend group yelled at me to move so they could confront you, and I wouldn't let them. SHIT-," Vicktor smashed his fist on the dashboard, “- I lost some friendships over that mess." He barked at Garus.

“Look, I'm sorry, but let us drop it, okay?" Garus spoke back in a soft tone. If anything, he just wanted to avoid it if at all possible. He couldn't bring himself to look Vicktor in the eyes. Knowing the pain he caused the man, “Can't we please just drop it."

“WHAT? No, we 'can't just drop it,' Garus. This is important," he was practically growling at him. “You just left in the middle of the night without much of a word. I had to keep myself from getting off the couch to chase after you. Do you know how much it broke my heart to hear the door close behind you? Or when I woke up the next morning and noticed half of my stuff missing." His grip on the steering wheel got tighter. “Garus," he was choking up at this point, “I want to help you, but for me to do that, you need to talk to me."

“Can't we just drop it?" Uncertain of what his friend might do, Garus became more defensive.

“Drop it?" Vicktor spat those words right back at him. “Garus, you ran away, stole from everyone we have ever known, went missing for five years, AND when I finally found you, you look like-" he couldn't bring himself to say it. But Garus already knew what he was going to say.

A goddam mess.

Vicktor rubs his paws across his face. “This is not the time to 'drop it.' This is the time to talk about it." At this point, seeing the amount of fear he had put in Garus, he decided to soften his approach while still keeping his stern demeanor.

Though Vicktor is usually a happy-go-lucky dog, this side of him is something usually reserved for people who have pissed him off to no end. This is the first time he has ever done this to Garus. Neither men knew what to do.

“Please, Vicktor, let's just drop it. I don't want to talk about it." Garus was on the edge of his seat, tears in his eyes, uncertain of what Vicktor would do next. He tried to open the door but found that it was locked.

“GOD DAMMIT, GARUS!" at this point when he smashed his fist into the dashboard, and you could see the indent that it made. Grabbing hold of Garus, his claws began to dig in. “Are you really trying to run away, AGAIN! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY INSTEAD OF ASKING FOR HELP?! I BEEN TRYING TO HELP! JUST LET ME HELP YOU!"

At this point, Vicktor's face was inches away, teeth bared, scaring Garus. But before either man could say anything, Garus began to cough violently, forcing Vicktor to back up and let him go. Garus ended up coughing into the coat Vicktor had lent him. Vicktor quickly handed him the bottle of water, and he once again began to drink from it.

As Garus drank the remainder of the water, Vicktor stared out into space, reflecting on what he had just done. The man he had been looking for all these years had finally been found looking like a complete mess, and he chose to put his paws on him and scare him. He bore his fangs at someone he only wished for a safe return. He could only hope that Garus didn't hate him or, worse yet, fear him.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," his weak voice was heavy. “But, I'm begging you, just let me help."

He was looking at the once-strong German Sheeper. The man who used to be the pillar of the group looked so pitiful, which made Garus feel even more terrible—knowing that this whole thing was his fault. All because he had convinced himself all those years ago that it would have been better if he had just left. He said he would only cause trouble for those he cared about if he stayed. Now, he sees that he probably caused more harm than intended.

Soon, different scenarios went through his head. If he had just asked for help if he just let Vicktor know what he was going through, if he had never touched those drugs, or just left a note telling him to live a happy life and to forget about him. If only he gave Vicktor closure instead of just walking out on him that night, would they still be in this situation? They listen to some weird playlist of rock and classical music while the rain beats heavily around them as they sit in a car in an empty parking lot.

“Sorry," that's all he could say. Garus lowered his ear, his tail curled around his waist, and he began to cry.

Sorry, that was all he could say. He had no idea what else to say that would make his friend happier, but he just couldn't bring himself to say anything else.

Every time he tried to look over, all he could see was a broken dog, and it pained him to know that he was like this in the first place because of him. He was a terrible friend who had done nothing but burn the bridges of those he once knew. And crushed the heart of a man who has tried their best to help him repeatedly. But how did he repay him? By robbing him in the dead of night.

“Do you hate me?" was all Garus could ask.

Vicktor looked at his friend with a painful expression and reached out to hold his face in his hand. Wiping away any tear that formed, he made Garus look him dead in the eye and smile.

“No, no matter how mad I get. I could never hate you. I love you, faults and all." Garus just started to ugly cry in Vicktor's tender embrace. “But I still want to know why you left without a word. Why did you leave me without at least saying goodbye? But I won't push you." You could hear the pain in Vicktor's voice as he started the car back up and continued to make his way down the road.

Garus woke up from his nap to a quiet car running right in front of a pharmacy, and Vicktor was nowhere to be seen. He scanned the area around him. It seemed like he was near the woods.

He debated his options: he could run away once again and, this time, make sure no one found him, or he could stay put and wait. The option weighed heavily on him. He has no idea how long he has been out or how long till Vicktor comes back. The choice was his.

After some time passed, Garus was awoken by the sound of Vicktor getting into the car from the driver's side with some medication in hand. He rustled with the bag to pull out some medication and handed it to Garus.

“Thanks for not leaving."

Garus just grunted as he took the medication before drifting off once more.

Garus wondered what his next step would be. He could crash at Vicktor's place again if he let him, but that complicates how much Vicktor trusts him. Or how much he trusted himself around Vicktor's stuff.

He could also have Vicktor drop him off at the nearest bus stop and take a ride out of town like he should have all those years ago. However, he may have to ask Vicktor for some money. He was certain Vicktor would give it to him. But he didn't want to see his old friend heartbroken again by his decision to run away. Whatever his choice is, he's sure someone is bound to get hurt.

Pulling down the passenger flap to get a good look at himself in the mirror, he removed his beanie to better look at his scar as it started to throb. As he was poking around it, he heard the soft grunt from Vicktor, whose paws grew tighter on the steering wheel.

“I won't ask, but I bought some new bandages for your chest and tail, but it seems that you might need more than I thought."

“It was an accident," Garus let out a small chuckle. “I got into a brawl with a rat guy over some drugs and tripped. And um… fell onto the edge of a counter."

He laughed a bit awkwardly, but Vicktor looked at him horrified. He quickly applied the bandages in an awkward silence, figuring that would have done him better.

“I must sound pathetic, huh?"

“Yep."

That caught Garus off guard. He wasn't expecting him to readily agree like that. He turned to face Vicktor, shocked to see the German Shepherd with the biggest shit-eating grin. Soon, the car was filled with laughter from the two men.

After cleaning up his scar, he removed his coat and began to bandage the wounds on his arm. Vicktor was quiet for the most part, but you could still hear him growl now and then. He left the scar on his stomach untouched as it would require him to remove his shirt, and he didn't want Vicktor to see it. Not yet, at least.

Once that was all over, he took a good, long look at himself in the small mirror. Though the reflection he saw was his, it did not reflect his current state. In front of him was a happy, well-groomed gentleman whose fur was neatly straightened and was wearing a nice suit. Someone ready to take on the world and start his own company. But once he closed his eyes and opened them again, all that was left was a broken and beaten-up man who was just left with scars.

God, how different would my life have been if I had just accepted the help everyone had offered?

Looking at Vicktor and seeing how intense he was, he looked at the road, trying not to swerve. Though the rain had lighted up, they were driving into the woods, and he needed to be careful as they began to drive across a wooden bridge.

He says he doesn't hate me, and I'm sure he is not lying. Why else would he go out of his way to help me? But I'm just stuck wondering why he doesn't hate me. I hate me.

Garus could not figure out what his old friend was thinking. All he could do was wonder how different his life would have been if he had stayed that night.

Would they have had a happy life together? Would he have been able to get the help that he needed? Vicktor did promise. But the prospect of getting help scared him too much to the point that he figured it was better just to run away and leave everything and everyone behind. After all, he didn't want to be a burden.

After a long drive of silence, Vicktor finally spoke up.

“So what are you going to do next?"

The question that was gnawing away at him. It pained him to ask, but he needed to know the answer: if all this was a waste of his time or if he had something to look forward to.

“To be honest. I don't know," Garus's tail patted his lap as his ears twitched. That at least brought a weak smile to Vicktor's face. At least his friend was thinking about something. “I don't have any. I'm just trying to see where life takes me now. Or at least where you're taking me."

He let out a small chuckle as Vicktor gave him a reassuring smile.

“Don't worry, you're going to love it. I promise." He continued to drive down the dirt road.

As they made their way down the dirt road, the rain finally began to stop, and the moon started to emerge from the dark, cloudy sky. It wasn't until they finally reached their destination that Garus could see where they were. It was the lake they had used to visit. The only difference now is that there was a house built on it.

He looked at Vicktor with a bit of a shocked expression.

“When did you do this?"

“A little before you left. I wanted to surprise you, but, well, you know."

Garus couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions once more at the sight of the lake house. He knew it was one of Vicktor's dreams to build it here, but why bring him here of all places?

“Look, Garus," as he turned the car off, he turned to face his friend. “I can't make you stay. If you want to leave, you can. I have another car in the garage you can take that one or this one. But I want you to know that I still want to help you. No one else knows about this place except my dad, who helped build the place, but he doesn't come up here. So, if anything, you will have the place all to yourself. I can come up here occasionally to check up on you or shoot. I could work remotely and live up here with you if that's what you prefer. But all I wish for is for you to stay. Please, Garus, I don't want to lose you again."

The decision weighed heavily on Garus's mind. A location far away from everyone. Something only he and Vicktor knew about. He turned to face Vicktor, who was making his most empathic face.

“Why are you going out of your way to help me? I don't even think I deserve this much help. Not after what I've done."

“Well, for starters, you didn't leave when you had the chance back at the pharmacy. You stayed with me this entire car ride without knowing what I was planning. It felt like you gave me a second chance to make this right. So let me give you the same chance."

The words rang hollow to him. To Garus, he didn't put much thought into it, if anything. But he still likes the idea of getting a second chance at life. Away from everyone and everything.

Vicktor just kept giving Garus those sad puppy dog eyes, hoping that they would help persuade him to stay. After what felt like an eternity, Garus gave his answer.

“Sure, it would be fun to stay with you again."