Were-WHAT? Chapter 1
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** Were-WHAT? Chapter 1**
** By William W. Kelso**
** I was getting so sick of the standard response to my 'condition', and was almost to the point where I was going to bite the next idiot that said the same thing, just to let them know what it felt like to be a...a monster, AND a freak even by 'monster' standards. WereRAT, OK, I'm a WERERAT! And if I hear one more cheese joke I'll go postal! I mean, that's what they all say! I tell them what I am, and they say 'A Were-WHAT??' Even the other Were's say it! Evidently my 'kind' are not common, at least in the USA. I've been told there's a few in London, but I'm not hopping on a plane and flying over to introduce myself. And yes, I like Cheese Puffs! **
** I was visiting the 'The Roost', a club and bar for the Fey and other 'magical' folk, both natural born, supernatural, and 'cursed' ones like myself. Most Were's; or Lycan's as some call us, fall in that category, though there are those that were born that way; they have Were's for parents, either one or both. But the most common are the ones that were bitten by another Were, usually by accident. If it wasn't by accident then you usually don't survive. But contrary to popular myth; thank you Hollywood, most Were's do NOT run around eating people. Most are revolted by the very idea, I mean, they used to BE people, so most view it as borderline cannibalism. Those that do kill humans on purpose usually have a mental problem; and/or are just REAL monsters, and they give the rest of us a bad rep. **
** "How the Hell did you end up as a Wererat, of all things?" My drinking partner, a much more 'common' Werewolf named Melvin; though he goes by Mel, asked me.**
** "Usual way, I guess, I got bit." I replied.**
** "Well, duh, I figured that much out on my own, he said, but I mean, HOW? No offense, but I haven't heard of Wererats running around biting anybody, ever."**
** "Um, it was kind of my fault, I guess." I said.**
** "How so?" Mel asked, flicking his ears attentively towards me. He was in his anthro; or partially human, form, most of the bars occupants were. Easier to drink and use the facilities that way and it felt more comfortable. Plus it was that time of the month, so our options were limited as to where we could hang out. He was a lean scraggly male, his fur mainly grey with dirty white belly fur. He'd been alone, and had come over and introduced himself, and we'd shared a few quiet drinks together, each lost in our own thoughts. At least he was willing to be friendly; most of the other wolves just ignored me. Fact is most everything looks down their muzzles, snouts, or whatever they have on their faces, at Wererats. Far as they're concerned we're not much better than real rats, just bigger. Damn bigots. **
*It was the night of the full moon, and most of us have no choice but to change on that night; and the night before and night after, the rest of the time we can control it. I can change anytime I want; day or night, but on the nights of the Moon I have no choice. The bar gave us a place to go, and kept us from roaming around the countryside and getting into trouble. The rare few that didn't have to change usually did just to be sociable while at the bar. Fur was the norm in the bar, bare skin wasn't. If they got hungry there was a meat locker in back with sides of fresh beef, deer, and other meats. It was common to see a Were returning from feeding, licking blood off their muzzles and paws. The other magicals pretty much left the bar to the Were's on those nights, let us keep an eye on one another. The few non-carnivore Were types such as deer, goats, equines, etc. kept pretty much to themselves on this night, and had their own club. They weren't really in any danger, but still... A non-magical, or mundane human, couldn't even enter the bar unless invited; which was rare, the place was warded against them. Hell, they couldn't even SEE the place. Don't ask me how it works; I'm not a mage or magic-user, just a little old Wererat. *
** "Afraid it's not very exciting, I said, no spooky foggy woods, howls on the moor, glowing eyes coming closer and closer, creepy old gypsies with weird accents, villagers with torches, or anything like that. No desperate chase with a snarling, drooling Wererat coming closer and closer."**
"So, and??" He replied.
"Well, I was working for the city as a 'sanitation engineer', I said, and we were mucking out some clogged drains after a storm late one night, and yeah, it was a full moon. It wasn't too bad; I wasn't in the 'sewage' sewers very much, just the run-off ones. So no wading in waist deep shit for me that night, but it could still get nasty. I was working on a badly clogged pipe, and was pulling out branches, leaves, and other gunk, when I felt something move. I grabbed it, pulled it out, and it was the biggest rat I'd ever seen, and I had it by the tail. Then before I could let it go the little shit bit me, and here I am. The bite wasn't that bad, but you know the routine. I got kind of sick, the wound healed nicely, then I felt a lot better, and the next full moon it hit the fan. I'm single and lived alone, so no one else realized what I'd become. But the first few times I changed it freaked me out and I was scared to death."
** "Bummer, Mel said, been there, done that. Did you ever find the one that bit you?"**
** "Nope, I said, not a trace. I crawled through every pipe and tunnel in the sewer system, in my human, anthro, and full rat forms; both large and small. Not so much as a scent; and no one else has ever heard of there even being Wererats in this area. Some think it might have just been a carrier, a normal rat that picked up the 'curse' somewhere. It's rare, but it happens. It was just shit for luck to run into it. And if I hadn't grabbed it by the tail it probably wouldn't have bit me. I mean, if someone grabbed me by my tail I'd sure as Hell bite them."**
** "Rough, Mel said, at least I had the bitch that bit me to help me adjust, and teach me how to control my gift. She was really apologetic about the whole 'accident', and I'm a member of her pack now. Must have sucked to be on your own like that."**
** "Yeah, pretty much, I said. I learned to control it pretty fast though, I don't think we're quite as feral as some other Were's can be. And once I'd run into some other Were's they helped me out and taught me a lot. It really blew my mind to find out that what I was, and that other Were's and magical's, were real. Not to mention feys, faeries, elves, dragons, and all those others too. **
** "Yeah, good thing we have support groups and all that, not to mention places to hang out with others like us." Mel said, a little morosely. "It would really suck if we were on our own."**
** "Tell me about it", I said. Even in the company of other Weres I still felt pretty much alone. The closest thing I'd seen to something like myself was an Honest-to-God Werebat. She was my 'girlfriend' as she was also the only one of her kind that anyone in our area knew about. But she wasn't a vampire bat, thank goodness, but was some sort of flying fox, near as we could figure out. Vampires are dickheads; they like to push the rest of us around because they're more powerful. That's one reason most Were's run in packs or clans, for mutual protection from the more anti-social magical's. I was part of a clan; sort of, kind of a mascot more than anything. The others call us the 'Motleys' since we're made up mostly of the odder types of Were's and other misfits. Our clan includes Wereskunks, a Werecow (really), ferrets, badgers, and even a Kangaroo from Australia. He was a tourist, got bitten (how the HELL do you get bit by a Kangaroos anyway??), and a few weeks after coming back to the States, voila! As soon as he could afford to he was planning on going back to Australia, for good. He'd been in contact with a 'mob' that was willing to let him join up. I'd miss him, he was a nice guy. **
** "OW, watch it!!" I squeaked angrily, as someone stepped on my tail. **
** "Sorry, said a Kobold, you should keep it under the table, anyway." The short Reptile like creature hissed back.**
** "And you should watch where you're going." Mel said with a low growl.**
** "Hey, no harm done, I said. Let me buy you a drink." I quickly broke in before it got out of hand. I did NOT want Bruce, the Ogre that ran the place, to get involved. Number One rule of 'The Roost', NO fighting! It was neutral ground. Disturb the peace, and he'd have a 'talk' with you, if that didn't work he'd throw you through the back door. And I mean THROUGH the door. And it was a one way door, once you went through it you couldn't get back in. **
** "Thanks, you're OK. Sorry about the tail." The Kobold said. **
*You don't want to pick a fight with a Kobold, they may be fairly small, but their hide is tough as Kevlar and they have nasty fangs and claws, and pick a fight with one and another dozen will show up like, well, magic. Even a Were could get his ass pounded. *
** "Hey, speaking of lonely, where's your pack? All I see is you and Buster." I asked Mel to get his attention off the Kobold. **
** "What? Oh, they went to the desert for a Moon run, Freddie said morosely, but just the mated pairs, no unmated members allowed. It's a bummer, Buster and I are the only singles, and I'm NOT gay. No telling how long it will take me to find a mate. Maybe I'll just bite some good looking human female and hope for the best. Sometimes that works."**
** "Ain't supposed to do that, I said, you'll get in trouble with the council if you do it on purpose, you know that."**
** "Yeah, I know, he said, but I get so lonely sometimes, especially on the nights of the Moon. You know what it's like. Maybe that cute fox over at the bar might be interested in a little fun."**
** I just nodded. I did, too, one side effect of the change is it makes you hungry, and horny. It was worse when you HAD to change, so the nights of the full moon were filled with horny Were's, which was why most humans get bit on those nights; it's usually just by some sex-starved lonely Were looking for love in the wrong place. Fortunately; for most unmated Were's, there are ways of relieving that kind of need, and I don't mean masturbating. Ever try to whack off with paws?? Don't work, Pilgrim. There are female Were's; and other magicals, that will let a male Were slack that need with them as they have the same urges. And they are NOT prostitutes; they do it freely and won't accept payment. Of course it also helps that they enjoy it very much, and Were's; both male and female, are insatiable. I think its part of the rapid healing effect, as soon as you cum your balls fill up again. That's one aspect of my 'gift' that I DON'T complain about. And I was no different, and being the type of Were I am that need is even more intense. Natural rats mate a lot, and that characteristic is carried over into their Were cousins. So thank the Earth Mother for Bridget, the Werebat that was my main squeeze and full time lover. And I do love her, both as man and rodent. I'm also savvy enough to know that while she enjoys my 'company' to help ease our mutual needs; she doesn't really love me in the 'mated' sense of the word. She'll move on one day, and while I'll be crushed I'll understand, but even then we'll always be the best of friends. Oh, I've mated with other Were's and magicals; some I think just because they were curious about what it would be like with a rat, but she's special, and despite having wings and being able to fly she's also the most like me; we're both technically rodents, which I guess draws us together. And speaking of bats, here she was now! **
** I excused myself, and Mel gave me a nod as I got up and went to meet Bridget as she entered the bar. She'd been in her full large form, a giant bat, and as I approached she was assuming her most anthro form, at least as much as she could on a night of the full moon. We embraced, and she wrapped her wings around us as we kissed, rubbing our muzzles and squeaking happily. **
** "Where have you been, ee-eeekk? I asked, nibbling at her large soft ears. I was getting worried!"**
** She gave a squeak of pleasure, and licked my muzzle in return. "Sorry, I had a few errands to run. Candice needed a few things, so I picked them up for her, and dropped them off on way over."**
** "Candice! I said disapprovingly, I wish you'd leave that Witch alone, she's weird, and that parrot of hers creeps me out."**
** "It's NOT a parrot, it's her familiar, you know that! Bridget chided me, and what's wrong with her, anyway?"**
** "Well, for one thing, she's human, and a magic user, I said, you know how they can be. She probably thinks you're her pet or something."**
** "Well, not exactly, she said, and you know she knows what we are, and doesn't care. She treats me just like everyone else. Besides, we were both human once, as you might remember."**
** "Well, I grumbled, just don't let her give you any potions or anything. You might end up stuck in you bat form in a cage or something."**
** "Not even something to make me more...desirable?" She hissed in my ear, and licked my nose.**
** "No, I said huskily, you don't need any help with that." **
We were both naked except for the shorts I had on, and being pulled against her warm furry body in the tent like embrace of her wings was an experience I highly recommend, but you'd have to find your own bat. Since she'd arrived in her full Werebat large form she was entirely nude, and in her anthro form she had very nice human like breasts AND small teats on her lower belly. And, oh God, what a turn on for a rat! I licked and nibbled her ear again, gently rubbing my paw/hands over her hard swollen nipples, and from her scent I could tell she was just as horny as I was. The night was young and our need was intense. I buried my muzzle in her thinner chest fur, gently nibbling on one of her nipples.
** "Uhhhffff, she squeaked softly, I think we need to get a room!"**
** "Uh-huh" I murmured as my hands kept exploring her beautiful body.**
** "Well? She asked a minute later, breathing heavily, or are we going to mate right here?"**
** "Oh, yeah, right, room." I said, dazed by lust. She almost had to lead me by the hand, God I needed her! You have NO idea what it was like to be aroused in a form more animal then human. And to my embarrassment the tip of my now erect; and inhuman, cock was sticking up from my shorts. But no one noticed, most of the other Were's were entirely naked, and seeing an aroused male was not that uncommon. Public nudity was not a social taboo, it was unavoidable due to the many and varied forms of magical's and supernatural's, and being covered in fur or scales made a difference too. The only option was to carry around a bag of clothes all the time, which was a pain in the butt, and impractical for many forms. Still, old morals can die hard. It had taken me a while to adjust, and I still liked to at least wear shorts when I could. They were cut out for my tail, so were pretty comfortable. **
** 'The Roost' had rooms upstairs, and downstairs, for Were's and other magical's that wanted some privacy. They were free; you just took a tag with a number off the board, went to the room with that number on the door, and put it back when you were through. No locks on the doors, they're useless with most magical's, and Were's would just go through the door if they wanted too. We're incredibly strong, that part of the myth's are correct. We preferred an upstairs room; most avian and others that could fly liked them better. If they had to make a quick exit a window was very handy. We lucked out; and just as we reached the tag board a pair of Wereravens were putting the tag from one of the rooms with a sunroof back on it. They gave us good natured friendly caws as Bridget snapped the tag out of one of their hands before they could even put it back on the board. 'Have fun! Rawk!' They squawked.**
** "Oh, we will!" Bridget replied with a happy squeak, I was too far gone in my lust to do anything other then nibble on her ears.**
** We kicked the door to the room open, tightly wrapped in a fervent embrace, and it swung shut after we entered. The fairly large room was part of an old loft that had been portioned into smaller room's years ago. Other than a large mattress in the middle of the floor under the skylight there wasn't much else. It had been 'studio' apartment at one time, and did have a small bathroom which was nice and convenient. The place smelled of sex and pleasure, which just excited us even more. The only light came from the full moon shining through the skylight, and as she stood in its beams I realized just how beautiful she really was. Her body was a dark russet reddish brown color, lighter colored on her chest and torso, and her head and wings were mostly black, her large blue eyes reflecting the moonlight making them appear to glow. I gave a deep growl, and started towards her.**
** Bridget watched as Ben slowly approached her, his white fur glowing almost ethereally in the bright moonlight. In this form he was sexed more as a rat then a man, and his thick pointed penis jutted from his sheath, and his balls were quite large in comparison to a human. And she knew just how much cum they held, it took hours to drain them, wonderful hours of unbelievable pleasure and ecstasy. Being what she was now she was almost insatiable; but Ben never left her wanting. If anyone had ever told her the best lover she ever had would be a giant rat she'd have slapped them, but her new life gave the term 'bestiality' a whole new meaning. After all, she was just as much a beast as he was, and all that mattered was they loved one another. She felt herself grow even wetter as the scent of his lust filled her sensitive nostrils. She backed away from him slowly, her long tongue licking over her snout in anticipation, and to keep her nose moist so she could smell him better. He gave another soft growl, his long pink tail whipping slowly. **
** With a snarl I grabbed her and gently pushed her onto the mattress, and hissing she spread her wings and opened her legs for me, and then squealed as I threw myself on top of her, mounting her immediately, too far gone in my feral need for any foreplay. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and gave an almost supersonic shriek of pleasure as my cock slid into her hot, tight, wet, sex, and hilted after only a few lunges. I fucked her fast and hard, grunting and squeaking in ecstasy as I reached my first orgasm, and as I spurted she clawed at my back, wings wrapped around us like a leathery cocoon locking us together, our cries of passion muffled.**
** The mattress was right under the skylight, and the beams of the full moon shone through, and the feeling of their power soaking into our bodies as we moved together was incredible. For a Were the moon is like a God, or Goddess. It controls our lives; we are bound to it, its children. No one really knows why, or how, that happened. And to mate while bathed in its warm glow is...indescribable. Take the most fantastic sex you've ever had, multiply it by ten, and you might have some idea. That's why the night of the full moon is so important to us, and is something we have to answer to when it calls us. At one time I would have had to transform all the way into my 'natural' rat form, but I had learned to control myself enough to remain anthro. The sex was better that way, more control, though we sometimes mated in our natural forms; both or just one, for 'variety'. **
** Bridget let her head flop back, mouth open as she panted from the frenzied coupling, her release intense as she climaxed. She ran her claws through Ben's soft fur as he nuzzled at her neck, his hardness still inside her as they rested. God, how she loved this! Before her 'gift' had been given to her she had been a shy little thing, introverted and withdrawn. Sex had been a strange and unknown mystery; something she'd been taught to believe was a necessary evil, and only done with the man you married, and then only to 'procreate'. While on vacation in South America something had entered her high-rise hotel window in the dead of night and seduced her, an event she still only remembered in dreamlike fragments as being terrifying and wonderful at the same time. Almost a month later to the day she'd changed for the first time, and a few months later she ran away from home, and had never looked back. No longer human she'd been driven by new needs and found other Were's like herself, and before long had embraced her sexual needs with the fervor of a true convert. But of all her 'lovers' Ben had been; and was still, the best. He made her feel...loved. She gasped as he began to move in her again, but this time he took her long and slow, and it was even better. She could feel the call of the moon, and resisted the intense urge to assume her full large form, but knew she would have to go for a flight later. But for now...and she shrieked as Ben sped up his thrusts, his tail whipping as his rump rose and fell.**
** "EEEEE-EEEEE-EEEEEKKK-EK-EKKK!" She shrilled, fangs bared in pleasure as he nibbled and sucked on her rigid nipples, his hardness moving inside her, his male scent filling her sensitive nostrils.**
** I took her nice and slow the second time, the edge having been taken off our mutual need. She was so soft and warm, the feel her body moving against mine exquisite, her vaginal muscles doing things that made me groan in ecstasy. I kept my nose buried in her fur, tongue busy licking her nipples, her scent and taste making our couplings even more intense, and I just couldn't get enough. She ran her clawed fingers through my own fur, and nibbled and bit gently at my ears, which was horribly erotic for things like us. For rodents the ears are a major erogenous zone, and we do like ear play. They are soft and warm, incredibly sensitive, and just having our ears touched by another is very pleasurable. Put that and sex together, and it's unbelievable. I squealed in ecstasy as we approached our second release, and she chose that time to gently bite one of my ears and lick it with her tongue, and ohhhh mama! The intensity as I came was almost painful, and I muffled my shriek of ecstasy in her fur, and her fingers clutched at me hard as I felt her shudder under me, groaning deeply in my ear as she reached her own release. Raising my head we nuzzled and licked one another, eyes glowing with our mutual love for our mate. **
** Sometime; and several more mutual orgasms later, we lay side by side just nibbling at one another a little bit, spent, satisfied, and happy. And the night was young, as soon as we recovered a little we'd start over again, probably in our full natural forms. I loved to look at her lying there nude, the moonlight causing her to almost shimmer in its soft light. My own fur practically glowed; being pure white, and I found contrast of her darker fur next to mine extremely erotic . I rolled over on my back, hands behind my head, and she snuggled up next to me, her firm breasts and large nipples rubbing against me in a most stimulating way. She rested her head on my chest; one arm draped across my stomach, and dozed a little bit while we stared at the moon, which I loved and hated. We were its slaves, its children, and much more. It was a weird and strange life, but it certainly had its good points, no argument there. Before I'd met her I'd been so lonely, and without the 'curse' I'd still be that way. It had taken the 'animal' I had become to make me realize just how wonderful life can be, seeing it from the perspective of what is essentially an intelligent beast is something I can't describe.**
** Before being bitten I'd been pretty average, my life fairly comfortable and not very exciting I'm afraid. I'd been going to College studying architecture, and working part time; full time in the summer, for the City Maintenance and Public Works Department, thanks to an Uncle who was a senior district supervisor. He got me the job, the pay was good, I did a good job, and everyone was happy. I was able to read the blueprints of the sewer and storm drain system; which was a big plus, and soon found myself in charge of a bunch of workers, most of whom had been on the job for years. But since I was willing to get 'down and dirty' just like they did, and wasn't too 'stuck-up' to share a beer or two after work we got along pretty well. My stock went up a lot one day when we ran into some gas pockets, and I shared my respirator with another worker whose own had malfunctioned until we got out. There probably wasn't really any danger, but I made a friend for life, and after that 'Moose' McGruder ran interference for me if someone made any 'college boy' references or other snide remarks about my 'book learning'. Moose was a force of nature, and no one ever messed him more than once, and that went for his 'little buddy' as well. **
** Then came the day my life changed forever, and after I was bitten I was given the rest of the day off to visit the minor emergency clinic for tetanus and penicillin shots, and they gave me some other ones in case of rabies, with big nasty needles. Well, I didn't catch rabies, but I'm not so sure I was lucky or not, depends on how you look at it. Some people adjust to becoming monsters fairly well, others, well, not so well. I was kind of in-between, but got along pretty well all things considered. **
** I went back to work the next day, laughing off concerns from my friends, and in fact felt great. The bite healed amazingly well, the stitches came out, and except for feeling kind of crappy for a few days life went on as normal. The rest of the month passed, the full moon came, and all Hell broke loose. I'd been feeling kind of iffy for a few days, like I had a mild fever and upset stomach, but not debilitating enough to cause me to miss work. The next full moon was Friday night, and since I had the day shift I got off in plenty of time to go home. Thank the Goddess for small miracles, if I'd changed underground in the sewer tunnels who knows what might happened. I quite possibly could have ended up tearing up and/or biting other workers as the first few times I was terrified and didn't have much control, went pretty much feral. That's how a lot of attacks happen, a new Were who can't control itself yet goes berserk and attacks anyone they come in contact with, more because they're terrified then anything and may actually be seeking help. But as it was it happened in my apartment, which was in an old renovated turn of the century brick office building, and I had the whole top floor or 'loft' to myself. Since it was Friday night most people were out partying, or home partying, and between loud music and movies my screams were pretty much overlooked. **
** It happened quick; I had just eaten some leftover pizza, was filling like crap, threw up, ran to the bathroom to clean up, and looked up from rinsing off in the sink to see my face pushing out into a snout. Then the fur sprouted all over my body, wave after wave until it was thick and covered every inch of me except for my tail, and being a little thinner on my...paws. I had looked at my hands in horror as long nasty claws pushed out from the tips of fingers that were growing longer, the joints knobby and misshapen looking. I felt my tail push out, growing rapidly, long, pink, segmented, almost scaly looking. By then I was on my knees holding onto the sink screaming, my screams becoming shriller and shriller until they became squeaks and squeals. The first time you change is agonizing, both physically and mentally. Your body is assuming a new form for the first time, and your mind doesn't understand; doesn't WANT to understand, what's happening. My tennis shoes burst apart as longer toes tipped with their own sharp claws tore them apart as they swelled and pushed out, my shorts disintegrated as my hips and torso swelled, and several minutes later I pulled myself up and found myself staring into the mirror, a giant rat looking back at me, black nose quivering, whiskers twitching, beady reddish tinted black eyes glistening. Then I passed out.**
** When I woke up the next morning I really thought it had been a terrible dream, but the next night I changed again, and this time I didn't pass out. The first time your body warps into another form it's traumatizing, but after that its not so bad, and after a few months it doesn't hurt at all, in fact it's a rush. It gives you a feeling of power, of becoming something stronger and...better. But you have to learn to control it, if you don't the beast will control you, and that's when the trouble starts. I was lucky, I was able to retain a fair amount of control from the start, and spent the second night huddled in a corner utterly terrified. I was a monster, a giant fucking RAT! The next night I changed again, and then it seemed to be over.**
** By the next full moon I'd almost convinced myself I'd just freaked or something, or got some sort of food poisoning. But when it happened again I had to accept it, and learn to live with it. Not so easy. I started studying 'lycanthropy' on the internet, and was surprised it wasn't limited to wolves. And I was also surprised at how much information there was. Every culture; even long dead ones, had legends of shapeshifters and other partially human/animal creatures. I contacted several sites dealing with those kind of 'legends', and while I never outright said I was a Wererat; I was scared they'd think I was nuts, others who used the sites knew the signs, knew what to look for, and one day I got an email from another person with 'similar interests' who suggested we meet for lunch. And bingo, I met my first Werewolf, but I think he was kind of surprised at what I was. The first thing he said when we met was 'You don't smell right.' I'd picked up on his scent too, and the second I got a whiff of him I knew he wasn't human. He introduced me to the Lycan community, and so my new life started. I learned to control myself, to change whenever I wanted, but most of all was able to be with others like myself and they taught me so much. And I also learned there was a whole other world just under the surface as I found out Were's aren't the only 'magicals' that are very real. And honestly my life went back to pretty much what it had been before, except for the three nights of the month, and the fact I had new friends who shared the same 'gift' or 'curse'. I guess it's possible to get 'used' to anything. **
** I kept my old job, and the only human who knew about me was McGruder, he'd been with me when I got bit, and was the only one I'd told about my 'condition'. To my surprise he hadn't been as shocked as I thought he'd be, turns out he had an uncle over in Scotland who was supposed to be a Werewolf, or so the family said. My ability to change my shape, and to some extent my size, was a big help in the sewers, and we made a good team. If he had any qualms or reservations about working with a 'monster' he didn't show any signs of it. He didn't like to watch me change though, said it was just too 'weird and painful looking'. I guess that is one reason it scares the Hell out of people, to see someone twisting and warping into an inhuman bestial form, not to mention growing fangs and claws and sprouting fur. And in our more 'feral' anthro form we are pretty...intimidating. But the fact is most Weres are gentle creatures, and just want to be left alone. There are exceptions though.**
** I did quit the university though, I just didn't have the time; or drive, to keep going. My job paid quite well and had great benefits; and I was uniquely 'suited' to it, so I accepted a promotion and got on with my 'private' life as I adjusted. **
** I gave Bridget's ear a nibble, and she mrrred and ran her claws gently through my chest fur, and I knew we'd soon be ready again. As she did she slowly changed into her full size 'natural' form, a huge bat. But even in her animal form she was still beautiful, her face foxlike with large softly glowing eyes, her ears even larger and more sensitive. As I kept nibbling and licking her ears she shuddered in pleasure, eeeking softly, her tongue licking down my belly as it moved to my sheath, and she licked and teased my cock as it came sliding back out of my sheath. It's never fully flaccid in my anthro form, the penile bone keeps it semi-erect inside my sheath, but the feeling of it sliding out of me is something I can't describe, the lip of my sheath caressing the slick wet shaft, it's almost like penetrating a female. She wrapped her long muscular tongue around my penis and slid it up and down as she nibbled on it, and I moaned in pleasure.**
** "B-Bridget, ohhh, I...eee-eeeek!" I gasped.**
** She looked up at me, her tongue sliding from my hardness and back into her mouth, and with a squeak she got up and hopped off the mattress. In her full animal form she looked almost awkward, having to walk leaning over and balancing on her folded wings as she had no real arms in that form, her wings claws clicking on the floor, her wingbone 'fingers' folded back. I stood up too, and she watched as I took on my own full 'natural' animal form, falling over onto all fours with squeaks of pleasure as I gave into my own urge, the beams of the full moon bathing my body in warm bliss as my body smoothly flowed into my 'natural' form. I retained my human awareness to some degree; enough to be in control, but was still more of an animal now. With an eager squeak I moved to the female, who had crouched and bent over displaying herself for me, her short tail lifted, and eagerly snuffled at her sex as I ascertained her readiness to mate. She was ready, and with a squeak of pleasure I mounted her, hooking my front legs over the top of her wings and started mating with her. I was even larger in this form, and she was so tight, so hot and slick; and I closed my eyes and squealed in ecstasy as I serviced her, her own shrill squeaks of pleasure almost supersonic. It didn't take long the first time, and soon we both shuddered in intense ecstasy as we climaxed, and I waited for a minute or two before I started thrusting again, and the next hour passed in haze of sexual euphoria. **
** Later as I lay curled up next to Bridget, both of us still in our animal forms, my somewhat simpler mind was quite satisfied and happy. After awhile she stirred, and getting up gave me a gentle lick, then moved over to a large open window, hopped up on the sill, and then launched herself into the night. There was the soft thunder of wings, and she was gone. I had known she'd be leaving; she did that every night of a full moon. She told me she just had to, to go and fly, 'stretch her wings' as she put it. She'd be back before morning though, and hopefully we'd have time to mate again. With a soft squeak I got up and resumed my anthro form, then got up from all fours. I gave myself a good shake, then went to the bathroom and cleaned up a little, groomed my fur with my claws, tongue, and a hairbrush, found my shorts, and went back down to the bar so someone else could use the room. I was in a pretty good mood overall, sex has that affect. **
** Mel was gone, and since the Werefox vixen he had been eying was gone as well I just assumed he'd gotten lucky, and they'd gotten a room. I hoped so; it sucked to be alone on the nights of the moon. I went over to the bar, ordered a Guinness, and talked with Bruce for awhile. He was an Ogre and the owner of 'The Roost'. He was about what you'd expect, big and hulking, kind of like The Hulk, but without the green skin and hair. But just because he was big he wasn't a dimbulb, and in fact had degrees in English Literature and a minor in Medieval History too. Go figure. He could quote Chaucer or Shakespeare with the best of them. He'd even had articles and essays published under a pseudonym and had won some academic awards. However he was all Ogre too, anyone or anything that picked a fight with him soon found that out the hard way that just because he talked funny he wasn't a wuss. I once saw him pick up a car that was double parked so a customer could leave. I liked him, he was the kind of bartender that really cared about his rather unusual customers. **
** "Hey Bruce, how's it hanging?" I asked.**
** "Oh, same-oh, same-oh, he replied, how about yourself?"**
** "Can't complain", I said, quite truthfully. I'd just gotten laid, had the next day off, and had a fresh brew in my paw, so what else could I want? "Slow tonight." I added.**
** "Yeah, he said, most of the packs are on a run, and the kobold, pixies, and other feys are having some kind of convention in Detroit. All that's been in tonight are a few loners."**
** "Like me and Bridget?" I said.**
** "Naw, you know I'd don't mean it like that, Bruce said, you two make a nice couple."**
** "Yeah, I know, I said. I'm lucky to have her for a lover, but it's, well, just not the same. We both need others like ourselves."**
** "Yeah, know what you mean, Bruce said morosely, I haven't seen a lady Ogre in years. Only one I even know of is mated. There's a lot more of us in Europe, but I don't really want to move."**
** "Huh, I said, I'd think you'd like to move to England, the home of Shakespeare and the classics."**
** "Nah, not really, Bruce said, most of the Brits I've met mangle their own language worse then we do, half the time I can't understand what they're talking about! And if I try any Old English on them they just stare at me and think I'm making fun of them. And the weather sucks." **
** I gave a squeak of amusement, and said, "Well, are you?"**
** "Are I what?" He asked.**
** "Making fun of them?" I said.**
** "Oh yeah, sometimes, Bruce replied, I love the look on their faces when I start talking in Medieval English right out of Canterbury Tales, really blows their minds."**
** I sniggered a little, and said, "Yeah, I can imagine."**
** "Anything going on with the Council?" Bruce asked.**
** "Naw, been quiet." I replied.**
** "That thing with the Gremlins was nasty." Bruce said.**
** "Gremlins from the Kremlin, I said, yeah, it was a hairy one. Little bastards are tough, and there were a lot of them. They got deported afterwards though, the Council made sure of that. Sent them right back to fucking Siberia, or some other fun spot. Political asylum my ass."**
** "How the Hell did they get over here, anyway?" Bruce asked.**
** "Stowed away on a freighter out of Murmansk, I think, I replied, just a few at first, but you know how they breed."**
** "Yeah, just like rats." Bruce said, then quickly added, "Oh, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean anything by that!"**
** "Hey, it's OK, I said with a wave of my paw, besides, it's true. I don't know how Wererats breed, but my little cousins are pretty promiscuous." Actually, pregnancies in female Weres is rare, the change is just too hard on their ovaries. If they do want to breed they have to stay in one form long enough to give birth, which means staying in their anthro or animal forms for up to a year; they can't stay in their mostly human form due to the full moon. It's harder than it sounds, not being able to go out in public, go the store or work, etc. Plus there is also the danger of losing touch with your human side and going feral for good.**
** "Still sorry about that, Bruce said, here, have another one on the house." And he topped off my Guinness from the tap.**
** Bruce was the reason I'd gotten my other 'job'; in addition to my exciting career as a 'sanitation engineer' I have another more part-time job. An organization we call 'The Council' pretty much runs things and keeps an eye on the 'magicals' community, including human magic users. Anything 'magical' or 'unnatural' fall under their jurisdiction. It's fairly democratic as the members are 'elected', based mainly on age/seniority and most of the major 'races' are represented. As with all 'communities' there are those who don't obey the rules; and their 'crimes' vary from misdemeanors to murder; but there is a lot more variety of offenses that can be committed in our community due to our natures, and as a result 'police' of some kind are needed; or as we call them, 'Enforcers'. I'm an Enforcer, 'Detective Inspector, Human Liaison Division, North America'. It's because of my nose, and the ability to take on a form more human than most other magicals. It seems that; of all the Were's, rats have the most sensitive nose of all. So I was approached; Bruce recommended me, more or less 'drafted', and ended up as a 'Copper'. I don't carry a badge; don't get paid other then travel expenses, and am 'on-call' 24/7. But I don't really mind it as it does get me some genuine respect. If something weird happens I'm called in to literally 'sniff around' to see if something nonhuman is involved. And the really weird thing is I often work with humans as well as other nonhuman Enforcers. I go in with the local Enforcer; if there is one, ascertain the problem, and call for back-up, if needed. I was surprised to find out that more humans then you would think know about us, many in public service at both local, State, and Federal levels, including police and other Law Enforcement Agencies. If they run into something they can't explain or handle, they call us. The 'Gremlins from the Kremlin' case was a good example.**
** The little feys from Russia came over as stowaways, and took over a large old tenement in New York largely populated by recent Russian Immigrants, and made life Hell for them. Gremlins, while not actually malevolent, are mischievous by nature, and just about drove everyone crazy. They lived in the walls and crawlspaces, and liked to come out at night and mess with just about everything. They rewired electrical appliances, messed up the wiring in the walls, sabotaged the plumbing (exploding toilets), stole stuff, raided refrigerators, changed the labels on canned food, ate all the housepets, and generally ran amok. The landlord tried exterminators of course; he thought it was rats, but that didn't work. It just made the Gremlins mad, and they pennied everyone into their apartments for a week, turned off the cold water when people were taking showers, tied your shoelaces together if you fell asleep, as well as stole half of every pair of socks; not to mention messing with everybody's satellite dishes and the cable service so all they could get were Mexican TV stations. The older folks knew what was going on, and finally one of them contacted a witch, who contacted the Council, who called me in, and I had my first case. **
** I wasn't sure what was going on at first, and the first time I took on my animal form and went inside the walls they caught me in a net, but I was able to chew my way out. I think they wanted to eat me. Finally I caught one of them, and he talked. They had to send in six Wereferrets to root them all out, and there were over fifty of the little snots. The ferrets were perfect for the job; they could take on a form small enough to be able to go wherever the Gremlins could, and being Weres were more than able to handle the Gremlins when they caught them. Despite their size Gremlins are nasty little buggers and very strong. And between traps and enticement it took a week to round them all up. Then they were crated up and deported back to Mother Russia, and good riddance. I have NO idea what the Ruskie's did with them, made them into Borsch for all I could care. And I met the first human that knew about us on that case, a Public Health Inspector. He'd been called in after all the complaints, and had also realized it wasn't a 'normal' infestation problem. To my surprise he'd known exactly what I was, and what the problem was. Evidently Gremlins had come over in a wave along with the influx of Russian immigrants since the Soviet Empire had collapsed. They were bigger and meaner than most of the other smaller feys, and had been pushing around the local faeries, pixies, and brownies. Since then I'd had other cases, but your first one always sticks with you.**
** I leaned against the bar and looked around the rather quiet club. A few small groups were drinking and keeping to themselves in the booths, some elves were playing pool, and a couple of Far Darrig were slow dancing without any music. I recognized the male, his name was Sean and he worked for the Council as an 'expert' on Irish and Scottish fairies, feys, and other supernatural's. He looked fairly human, and reminded me of Rick Moranis for some reason. We'd worked together when a Banshee turned up in Jersey and started raising havoc, it had thought it was a rapper for some reason, but its music just made people go crazy. Come to think of it though, a lot of rap music does that. We convinced it to work as a manager and talent scout instead, and last I heard it was doing quite well. As long as it kept its lovely maiden form, the old hag one really scares the crap out of everybody, looks like Phyllis Diller on a bad hair day. Ugh.**
** The Roost was an old renovated warehouse, a BIG one. The so-called 'décor' had no rhyme or reason to it and was a mish-mash and conglomeration of stuff from every country and time period, and some wasn't from the human world, such as the glowing light crystals that provided most of the lighting. They were fitted in old scones like you used for torches, and you had to leave them outside in the sun for a few days about once a year to 'recharge' them. They use them because their soft; but still fairly bright light, can be tolerated by light sensitive eyes. The club was partitioned into several areas based on the 'needs' of certain customers. I was in the 'general public bar' which looked pretty much like many other older bars with the exception of the customers. The 'wet bar' was for aquatics, and is run by a kelpie and a couple of merfolk; or merwomen, who are the waitress's. It's an Olympic sized swimming pool with floating tables; both on the surface and under the water, how it got here I have NO idea. I take a dip in it every now and then, they don't mind. I stay away when some of the Weresharks are visiting though, they tend to react to splashing on the surface; they can't control it, it's just instinct. Almost got my tail bit off once. So when there are some visiting the bar they put up a sign, 'Danger, Sharks!'. They had a Kui drop in for a drink once, and I was taking a dip at the time. It scared the living crap out of me, and I scared the living crap out of it. I'd never seen one before, and it had never seen a Wererat. We're friends now, but it's a weird looking critter in its true form, part ox and part shark. **
** Probably the oddest feature of the club was the very large skylight in the ceiling. Now a skylight by itself wasn't that unusual, but the fact that it was also a door was. It has a keypad on the roof so one of the avian or winged feys can use it to open the door. Most of the smaller ones just use the front door like everyone else though, but the dragons and larger ones have to use the skylight. If it's raining you just get wet. Another thing that makes The Roost so important to the local magicals community is the portal room. It has a ring of standing stones with an altar in the center, and certain magicals use it to pass between their worlds and ours. I've never used it; I can't, but I have been invited to visit places like Tir na Nog and other mystical places, but no thanks. Things are weird enough in my own world, thank you very much. Besides, some people who do take up an offer never come back, or come back different. But there are plenty of dangers in our own world as there are magical who prey on mortals and their fellows, but then there are also mortals who prey on magicals. **
There's this one poor slob who's part donkey; really more donkey then human, otherwise he's just a mortal, he can't change back and forth. He ran afoul of a nasty 'Goddess' called Circe who changes humans into animals or 'pleasure beasts' for a living. He was trained as a sex slave and is still pretty messed up, but he's one of the 'lucky ones', he got away without ending up on all fours. He lives in a small room in the back of the club, and helps Bruce do inventory and sweeps up. I've heard from some of the female Were's that his head isn't the only thing that belongs on a donkey, so at least he has an active sex life. He's very popular with the Weremare's and other herbivores, and being trained like he was he's got a steady supply of regulars, and they don't do it just because they feel sorry for the poor guy. He's here on a kind of 'witness protection program too'. Circe doesn't like to leave 'loose ends' running around, but 'The Roost' is safe from her reach. She only stays in power and on the loose because she provides so many other powerful magical; and humans, with 'entertainment' and 'pets'. She's one of the really bad ones that give us all a bad name, and being a Goddess the bitch is immortal. She's been locked up before, but always gets away sooner or later. We'll get her eventually though.
*I kept hoping Bridget would come back that night, but morning came without her turning back up, so as soon as it was light I took on my most human form; as did most other Were's, and we put on clothes and ventured out to greet the new day. Since it was the weekend I headed for my apartment to get some rest, and catch latest episodes of 'Sanctuary' and 'Being Human', they're both big hits in the magicals community. I like 'Warehouse 13' too, it would really blow a lot of people's minds to know a place like it really exists, but it's called the 'Artifacts Depository'. It's were they kept cursed objects and other things that can really ruin your day. Since some of those things are sentient the place is built like a fortress, but to keep stuff in, not out. A dragon is the caretaker and 'warden', but he has assistants. Since dragons are the most magical and spell resistant; as well as most magically powerful, he was ideally suited for the job. I've never been there, don't want to. *
I was tired, it had been a long night and Bridget had worn me out, so after I checked the mail; nothing but junk mail and bills, I stripped again, took a hot shower, and slid into bed. I was asleep in minutes. But of course it was too good to last, and a couple of hours later the phone rang, and with a groan I rolled over and answered it.
"Hello?" I said; I hoped it wasn't the Sanitation Dept., calling, and I was right. But frankly I think I would have preferred if it WAS the Sanitation Dept. after I heard the deep voice on the line.
"Ben, it's Max, we have a situation. I need you to come in to the office to be briefed. How soon can you be here?"
Crap, I thought, it was my boss, the head of the local office of the HLDNA, or 'Human Liaison Division, North America'. And his calling me; especially on a weekend, could only mean one thing. It had hit the fan somewhere, and I was the clean-up crew. Well, so much for having a couple of days off, I thought.
"Give me fifteen minutes, boss, I replied. And you do know it's the last day of the moon, I have to change tonight. I won't have to be running around in public, I hope."
"No, no danger of that, the deep melodious voice replied; it's an isolated area. We have a local who knows what we are, and is requesting assistance. Sounds like a feral, but species unknown at this time."
"See you soon." I said, and the line went dead. Well, shit, I thought. But nothing I could do about it, so I slipped into some clothes, grabbed a small bag I keep packed for 'emergencies', and headed out. At the last second I remembered to call Bridget and leave a message so she wouldn't be wondering where I was tonight as we usually linked up at 'The Roost' every night of the moon. Double shit, I thought, I'll miss her. I locked the door, told Mrs. Fenster (my super) that I'd be gone for a day or two, grabbed a cab, and had the cabbie drop me off at the post office.
Less than five minutes after I was dropped off another cab pulled up, and I ducked inside. The driver was a guy I knew who also worked for the HLDNA, but he was a normal human. He was a Sikh named Ranjit Singh, complete with turban and bushy beard. He'd had a run in with some kind of nasty Indian godling of some kind, we'd helped him out, and he'd worked for us part time ever since. He was very useful as he was a real cab driver, and we used him for transport. A cab is perfect because it doesn't attract any attention.
"Hiya Ranjit, how's it going?" I asked after I got settled in.
"Greetings Sahib, he replied, I am doing quite fine, how has luck been treating you, esteemed one?"
*Had to admit guy was always polite, he seemed to think I was something special too since he knew what I was. That was nice, most other magical look down their noses; or whatever they have, at Wererats. *
"Oh, I could complain, but who would listen? I replied, how's the family? "
"Hee-hee, he said, I cannot agree more! No one cares about the travails of poor schmucks like us! My eldest son is to travel to the Harimandir Shrine next month, it is a great honor! When he returns I plan to present him with a new kirpan."
"Good for him, I said, kids can't get enough religion nowadays."
"Oh, indeed Sahib, you are wise. He replied, would you like some beef jerky?"
"No thanks, I said, I already ate. Where is the meeting today?"
"Oh, the old subway station, he said. I will drop you off a couple of blocks away, and you must go by foot the rest of the way."
After Ranjit dropped me off I casually strolled down the street; in the opposite direction, as was a SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) for a meeting with the boss. I really doubted anyone would have tried to follow me, but there are those who know about; and don't care, for 'us'. As I walked around a corner I took off as fast as I could, pulled up a manhole cover, and slipped inside. Then I waited for a few minutes with the cover lifted up just enough to see, but no one else showed any interest in the alley, in fact no one else even walked by the entrance. So I let the cover down gently; loud bangs attract attention, and climbed down the rungs of the ladder to the sewer line. It was dry as it hadn't been raining, so I knew it wouldn't be flooded. If it had been I'd have had to find another way into the old abandoned Metro station. But first, I took my lightweight overcoat off, stripped down to shorts, put all my clothes and shoes neatly in the coat, and then rolled them up using the coats belt to tie the bundle, then stood up. I closed my eyes, willed the change; making sure my tail went through the hole in the shorts as it grew longer, and felt a lot better. Then I set off down the tunnel, my claws scritching faintly on the concrete.
*It wasn't far to the station, and soon I climbed out of a manhole in an old boiler room, found a key hidden under a loose brick, opened the door, and stepped out into a bygone age. The old station had been abandoned back in the 1930's, and pretty much forgotten. All the accesses to the streets above were bricked over and filled with concrete, and the only way in was underground. I walked over to a circuit breaker box, threw a switch, and about half the old Art Deco light fixtures flickered into life. The place was beautiful in a dusty way, and I had to admit people had taste back then. I sat down on an old wrought iron and wood bench to wait for the boss; I could tell he wasn't there yet. I'd have smelled him. I was a little early too. *
As I sat there in the dim light a couple of 'normal' rats came over to say hello, but I pretty much ignored them. I have NO idea what they think about me. When it became obvious I wasn't interested in making friends they lost interest and wandered off after awhile. It's not that I wasn't interested in being friends; actually I was, it's just that half the time I handle 'feral' rats I get fleas. I have some so-called domesticated white ones (like littler versions of myself) that I keep as pets in my apartment, and I only put them in their cage when I have visitors. Otherwise they have free run of the place, and they are NOT nasty! We're very clean creatures really, all things considered. And I wasn't about to bring a sewer rat home to visit. Then I lifted my head and flared my nostrils as I heard a slight scraping sound, and my nose quivered as I caught a strong musky smell. My first natural instinct was to run as fast as I could, but I was able to control it. I had nothing to fear from the source of that scent. Standing up I went to edge of the station platform, and waited.
The scraping sound quickly got louder, and as I watched what at first what appeared to be a huge snake came slithering out of one of the old train tunnels. I had to fight my natural rodent instinct to run at the sight of a reptile down again, and as it came closer, I said,
"Hello Max, how are you, boss?"
"Ben, good to see you, the great serpent said in his beautiful melodious voice, a rich baritone that would make any opera singer have a fit of jealousy. And not a 'Sss'. I'm just fine, I hope you are too."
As he coiled in front of me I couldn't help but admire his sleek scaly body. He was certainly impressive as Hell, being about 60 feet long and big around as a minivan. He gave his wings a flap or two before folding them, and then lowered his head to my level. As usual I couldn't help but stare into his eyes, mesmerized by them. They seemed to have no bottom to them, and it made you want lose yourself in those depths. The stories about some serpents being able to 'hypnotize' prey and make them eager willing meals is quite true, he could have scarfed me down now and I wouldn't have made a sound, except to squeak in pleasure. Some might mistake him for a Dragon; and he was related, but he was what they call a Wyrm, a kind of legless dragon. He's really more like a winged snake, and is distantly related to Quetzalcoatl. But he's not like her; she made a big mess down in South America a long time ago when she set herself up as a God, big no-no, but has been behaving herself recently. He's just the opposite, despite his appearance he's a pretty mellow guy, he's not into kidnapping fair maidens or anything. From what I've heard his big passion is Italian food, and I don't mean Italians. His long forked tongue flicked out as he 'tasted' me, and I blinked and got a hold of myself, and said,
"I'm fine boss, what's up? Got some more Gremlins on the loose, or something?"
He gave a hiss of amusement, and said, "Oh, nothing so routine I'm afraid. You're going to Texas as a matter of fact, something has got all the locals spooked, and I don't mean just the humans. A pack of Coyotes has asked for help, and you're best suited for the job."
"Texas?? I squeaked, are you sure? I mean, I'm a city rat, I don't know anything about horses or camping under the stars, or any of that kind of stuff. And Mexican food gives me indigestion."
He gave another hiss of amusement, and said, "Oh, I don't think you'll be doing any of that, but you might have to 'rough it' in a motor motel. You'll be down close to the border, near El Paso, small town called Hidalgo. The locals say they've been having problems with livestock killings, but don't have a clue as to who, or what, is doing it. It's not a new problem, evidently it's been going on in South America and Mexico for awhile, but has been moving north. We need to find out what it is, and stop it before it gets out of hand."
"Will I have any backup?" I asked.
"Just the locals, the pack will be sending someone to meet you and show you around. They're pretty shaken up. They'll have more details for you. I'm afraid we don't have much to go on."
"How long will I be gone?" I asked.
"Depends on you, Max replied, take as much time as you need. If you can't handle it call for help and I'll send in the heavies."
*I gave a little shudder, I knew what he meant by 'the heavies'. I'd only had to call for backup once, and it hadn't been pretty. Those guys made me seem like a real rat compared to them, small and helpless, something to be stepped on if it got in the way. The 'heavies' are other dragons, the big four legged kind. They're practically immune to magic, and can chew up anything short of a demi-god. *
*We chatted a little longer, and he told me some airline tickets and traveling funds would be in my box at the apartment when I got home, then we said our goodbyes and he turned and slithered back into the darkness. For such a large creature he was gone in seconds, no sounds and his scent quickly faded. I waited fifteen minutes, another SOP, then left myself, by a different route. *
Sure enough, when I got home there were airline tickets waiting, two untraceable credit cards, and $2,000 in cash. Not too shabby, I thought. Tickets were coach though, cheapskates. I HATE being crammed into a small place with lots of humans, brings out the rat in me. Next step was to call work and ask for a few days off, which I always got. I suspect someone higher up in the work hierarchy knew what I was too. But then again I seldom ask for time off, and work lots of overtime, so maybe they just thought I had earned it. Either way, worked out fine. So, in the morning it was off to Texas! Yee-hah, yippy-yo-ki-yay! Or whatever.
** The End**
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