The Dream That Turned Real: The Canine Underworld
#1 of The Dream That Turned Real: The Canine Underworld
The Canine Und...
The Canine Underworld Part of The Dream That Turned Real story series
The Canine Underworld: where only those who have done the worst deeds go. A dimension unlike any other. Dark. Cold. The stench.. tolerable, once you get used to it.
Or at least, that's what i've heard.
The area seemed safe, for the moment. I had woken up a few seconds ago, unable to make anything out, only remembering the last few moments of conciousness after Ryan slammed into me. I looked around, seeing nothing for miles. Looking at the sky, the clouds were a dark, ominus red. The ground i stood on looked like it came from the planet Mars.
'So this is what hell is like... Interesting.' i thought, as i pondered in which direction to go first. I couldn't get a sense of direction going, my internal compass couldn't lock into the dimension's electromagnetic field. did this realm even have one?
I had the urge to do a bit of exploring around, but my gut reaction to that: _ don't do it! _
"Hmm..." i said, as i decided to sit on the ground, legs crossed. If this was Hell, wouldn't it have been something more like what i've seen on television? Wouldn't it have been more... hell-ish?
I looked around again, then at my own form, noticing i was but a human again, with no wolven power to even speak of.
'Yep, this is it. It's for real.' i thought. It felt odd to even be here; but then again, what didn't?
I thought about changing forms right then, thinking about my wolven form, but nothing changed. i sighed, and laid there on the ground, hands under my head.
'Soo... an eternity in Hell...'
I wondered about just sleeping there, but then, if i did, and something happened upon me, what would happen? I did not feel like getting gutted by some random monster, so i just kept my eyes open, watching the clouds pass over me, thinking about Ryan.
I felt a drop of what felt like liquid land on me, between my eyes. Sitting up, i held a flat palm to the sky, feeling more drops landing.
'Dare i taste this, to see if it's water? No.'
More and more of the liquid fell, saturating the ground, until it turned into a rainstorm, pelting the ground.
Sighing again, i thought, wow, it rains down here. But it's something other than water. At least it's not acid.
I had no sense of time, either, so it felt like minutes before the rain moved on through the plains. Moving around, the substance felt like slime, it was sticky, and it was not green or white, for that matter. But it seemed to be wrapping around me, like it was alive, as it covered my whole naked body.
'Well, this is bad.' i thought. 'I'm gonna get digested by anthropomorphic slime.'
I then started thinking about my wolf form again, laying in the substance, submitting to it, and closed my eyes, as i fell victim to the scum that was on me.
I must have fallen asleep, because i had a dream about my past experiences from when i was in the land of the living, dreaming about my wolf form, how hot i looked, a werewolf with rarely any flaws, a perfect equal for someone like Ryan. Was i even dreaming?
I had woken some time later (again, no sense of time), feeling different from before. Larger. Warmer. Opening my eyes, i was greeted by... a muzzle? My eyes widened, and i sat up faster than a mousetrap could snap, and looked at myself, torso, arms, legs, feet.. they were of Lycan proportions, right down to the fur! I was surprised at what the slime had done to me: I was given back my werewolf form, everything was as i had it right before i had died!
I laid back down, wrapping my tail around me, snuggling with it. Perhaps i could adapt to this new environment.
"Looks like someone's awake." i heard someone say. Sitting up, i saw someone in front of me. A light was turned on, and i saw...
"D-Dan?"
"I'm just as surprised as you are, mate."
Dan was here? My mind raced as i asked him, "How'd you get here?" as i looked around. We were in a room of sorts.
"I got frozen after i assaulted the camel." Dan replied as he sat next to me. I was in a bed, i figured.
"So, where in this place are we?" i asked.
"Currently, we're in a small town, close to where i found you, and we are in a friend's, er, cave. Actually, it's a house built of stone."
"I thought there was nothing for miles when i first showed up?"
"The fog here likes to play mind tricks. I noticed it when i arrived."
"Y'know, i thought it was gonna look... different. Like, seas of magma, endless torture by demons and being chased around all day by hellhounds and whatever else wants you for lunch."
"I was thinkin' that, too. Looks like somebody changed the rules, then. That, or we're in a different version of the place."
"Have you met anyone else here?"
"Er- Yeah, actually. I got a member of my old Five-Star crew livin' down here. This house we're in right now is his."
I was about to say something, when a minotaur came into the room, standing at eight-two, his dark fur splotched with crimson, looking like he just came back after killing something bigger than him.
"Our guest is awake. Good." he said in a dark tone that scared me.
"Now, Gornak, don't scare'im, mate. He's gone through a lotta stuff, he doesn't need a heart attack to top it off."
In a lighter tone that reflected his better personality he said, "Sorry. Been awhile since i've had guests. A long while."
Gornak, standing over us, was so intimidating, i looked like a giant furball, all of it was raised on end.
"Is he okay?" Gornak asked Dan.
"He's fine, but you'll hafta lower your stance, you're practically towering over him, and you kinda know why the others were scared of you, so you'll hafta shift into your smaller form, then."
I closed my eyes and moved my tail over them, as the minotaur shrank into his smaller, easier to look at form, standing at six-ten, his horns looking like a classic texas longhorn steer.
"Aw, come on, Mike, don't be a scardy-cat!" Dan said.
" What?" i growled, so fiercely, it was Dan's turn to look like a furball.
"Sorry, i forgot werewolves don't like being called that."
After our fur had gone back down, i had seen that Gornak disappered.
"Where'd he go?"
"I was kinda occupied with the feline insult, so i didn't see."
Gornak came back, holding in each muscular hand, a metal claw.
'Oh crap, he's gonna slice us!' i thought, my fur rising again. Then i heard him speaking with Dan, before he crouched down low and looked me in the eyes.
"Now, Mike, i have spoken with Dan, and, since you are new to this realm, i shall give you these claws, suitable for use in anyway that you see fit."
I sat up on the edge of the bed, as he bowed and presented me with them. They looked to be hand-crafted out of whatever metals he found. I stood, and gently took them from his hands, as he backed away a few steps and stood as well.
I slipped them on. "Do you have anything i could try these out on?" i asked.
"You may use them on me, if you like." Gornak said.
"I'm gonna have to turn that down, Gornak. I just met you."
"It's alright. I have done battle with the demons down here, these scars you see run deep, i can take it. Trust me."
"Right here, right now?"
"Go ahead."
I looked at Dan, he cringed a bit.
"I speak the truth, i am a masochist, i live for the pain. My kind can heal ourselves better than your kind, so there is no need to worry."
What he just said kinda sounded racist, Minotaurs healing faster than Werewolves, but i took it in stride, since neither of us wanted any trouble.
"You can do it, Mike, he's not lying; I saw him rip a demon in half, and i saw him get a sword through the heart. Give it all you got, mate!"
With my confidence restored, i licked the metal in my paw; not exactly a wise idea, it tasted of the blood of many a demon slaughtered, but it helped me get into the mood. I raised a claw, and slashed him at a speed too fast for me to gauge, slicing right through him, effectively gutting him.
At the end of my swing, i spun around, hands at my sides, and watched the great minotaur fall, clutching what was left of his insides as he hit the floor.
I looked at Dan for a minute or so; he was cowering in the corner, tightly gripping his hat, shaking heavily. I then turned back to Gornak, suprised to see he was standing again; the gigantic chunk of flesh i tore off him had regenerated, and i fell on my furry butt in shock.
"Holy shit..." i breathed, fearing it was gonna be my turn to get torn apart.
"You need not fear, that happens all the time down here. You see, the rules of Death don't apply to this dimension, so that you can... erm..." Gornak trailed off.
"You okay, Dan?" i turned to ask as i got back on my feet.
"Em, yeah, i'm fine." he said as he took my paw and pulled himself up. "What're you gonna do next, Mike?"
"I... don't know right now. I'm still getting over shredding your friend to ribbons here."
"Unfortunately, down here, there is little to do, but kill, and get killed. Then, somehow, you wake up and find yourself in bed, ready to fight again."
"Like an arena-style deathmatch videogame?"
"What's a videogame?" Gornak asked.
"It's like the arcade games i used to have back at the Inne, remember?"
"Oh, okay, now i do. Street Fighter, DBZ, that kinda stuff?"
"Yeah."
We exited the bedroom, down a hallway, and into the main room of his house, then out the front door. What i saw amazed me: the Canine Underworld looked like the mortal realm in many ways, but... darker, like Armageddon happened ten times over.
"Oh, my--" i said, not bothering to say the next word.
"I would advise against using.. His name. Y'know, guy living upstairs?" Dan said.
"Got it." I turned to Gornak. "How many other people got sent here?"
"More than i can count. Most of them are still sane; preferring to live in peace. But the ones who are the worst, thier own insanity consumes them, until they are purely demonic in nature. The war that goes on in this realm is mainly between those two sides. The demons are on the other side of a wall to our north. Every so often, a few get loose, and we have to take them out. Sometimes they will kidnap one of ours, and convert them to fight for thier side, usually with sucess, at least seventy-eight percent of the time." Gornak explained.
"The ones that escape hide in the shadows of the ruins of that city. Some of us have tried to make a living there, but there is no profit, nothing to be found there but bones and ashes, dust and silent echoes. We have walled it off as a reminder that, behind those walls, there is no return."
"Wow. I thought i was scared before. So, it's an eternal war that will never end until either side wins, like between my kind and the bloodsuckers? One side's offence and the other side's defense?"
"Correct."
I still stood there, dumbfounded by it all. I had so many questions, yet it felt like there wasn't enough time to answer all of them. "How many good, versus how many bad?" i asked.
"About equal. You're lucky you landed on our side of the wall."
"Even though it sounds like fun, killing demons all the time, i wouldn't take part in that war."
"You wouldn't need to, we've been at peace for at least two millenia; it's just the strays that we look out for."
We went back inside the house with nothing to do, sitting on the couch.
"So, what do you normally do around here? I mean, aside from the Neighborhood Watch stuff?"
"Um... I'm not sure how to put this, without offending you, but, since there is nothing to do in this dimension, we usually... please each other, for entertainment."
I just got an idea for something R rated, but quickly canned it.
"So that would mean 'twenty-four-seven fuckfest'?"
"In a way of putting it, yeah. Not that we don't mind."
"Yeah, but wouldn't you be.. uncomfortable about it, seeing as we're in Hell?"
"Some of us are, but most of us have the stuff to get it done. But it's not all we do. I mean, we also do other stuff."
"I thought you said there was barely anything to do down here?" i asked, taking off the claws and setting them on the table.
"Well, we, um, we... torture each other, for fun, and swallow each other whole. Mostly sex, vore, and finding stray demons and kill them, play around in their guts, then eat their corpses. I think that was all."
"How long do you sleep down here?"
"As long as we would want, 'cause our dreams are also a form of entertainment. But more often than not, they're somewhat nightmarish."
"No wonder this realm got it's name; There's nothing to do!"
"Well, there is one other thing we do for entertainment..."
I raised a brow and looked at Dan, who was smiling.
"The ultimate cumbath experience you'll ever be in the middle of." Dan said.
"Uh- huh?" i said, confused.
"We welcome newcomers to our side by gathering up, and together, all at once, bukkake on the new guys, mostly as a way to say 'welcome to hell, we are glad you have joined our side of the wall, let the party begin.'."
"And you're our newest member, heh." Dan said.
"Both of you are; You arrived first, then Mike."
"Oh, yeah, that's right. Fuckin' camel. Dee, if you can hear me up there, _ FUCK YOU, UP THE ASS!!! _" Dan shouted.
"Such a sweetheart, he is." i said in sarcasm. Gornak agreed, before taking me by the hand and leading me outside.
"Er, what're we doing out here?"
"We're gonna let Dan vent, while i, uh, train you."
"For..."
"Well, can i say just for the sake of having something to do?"
"Yeah, although..." i said, looking at the metal claws i currently wore on my hands, "Being a Wolf, i would focus more on speed, agility, and i guess whatever else i would need to survive here."
"Okay. You said speed first, so we will start there. What is the fastest you can run at?"
"I think around sixty or seventy-five, but then i went headfirst into a tree."
"Were you on all fours?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, typical speed for your kind."
"I was also weaving my way through the woods up there, hence the accident."
"Mm-hmm. So, to test your speed, i will stand a quarter-mile from the house; you start upon hearing me bellow."
"Like a loud (makes bull bellowing sound)?"
"Close enough."
With that, he ran at a pace i would barely keep. A few seconds later, i heard him. I started into a hard sprint, pushing myself to be faster than a cheetah, effectively speeding past the bull-man, to him, i was most likely a blur of lightning, as i slowed down to a steady gallop, heading back toward Gornak, stopping only to flip over on my back because my paws hurt so badly, i yowled in pain, grunting and rolling around. Gornak then grabbed me, and held me still as he began to suck on my hot feet, one at a time, licking my pawpads with his broad tongue, then lovingly massaged them, all four of them.
I felt better than ever as he let go of me. I stood up, only to lay on my back again, in a cute pose that said, 'can i has belly rubs?'.
Gornak then accepted, and started rubbing my chest and belly with those rough hands of his, so gentle, yet rough enough to make me want more. It felt as if Ryan was doing it.
"So, how fast did i go?" i asked when i finally calmed down.
"Fast enough. Any faster than that, you're gonna wind up shattering your skeleton, and all of Hell's inhabitants will indulge in you as you lay there..."
"Seriously, i don't play that way, Gorn. You definitely gotta lay off the goth-talk."
"My apologies, but when you've lived here as long as i have, you're bound to do speak of things of that nature."
Gornak then turned his head to see a dark form walking around, when it spotted us. My wolf senses alerted me to the oncoming danger, and i jumped into Gornak's huge arms, squealing in terror like Blitz as it charged straight at us.
Gornak raised his left hand, palm facing the... Thing, as it got within one point five inches from us, sidestepped, and de-capped it as it ran past us, blood spraying all over us as the rest of the creature's body wiped out.
My eyes went super wide as i replayed the event over in my mind, before Gornak clenched his fist, and crushed the demon's head into mush, and held it in front of me.
"Here, you will need the nourishment."
I squirmed a bit, and the minotaur held onto me.
"I do not wish to force it on you, but even though you cannot die down here, you can still grow weak, so take it, you will feel stronger after."
I was.. rather grossed out, but i knew it had to be done, as i did feel a tad weak after what just happened in the past hour.
I licked at it like i was tasting scat for the first time: it tasted pretty nasty, but the sugars in the blood made it tolerable, as i scooped up a little with my tongue, and forced myself to quickly swallow it down, savoring the bloody aftertaste.
"Not that tasty, but not that bad, either." i said as i started eating out of Gornak's giant hand, which could do the same to me as he did to the creature, if he wanted to.
"You'll get used to the taste, but take heed: It is addicting to partake in consuming demon flesh, so you have to eat in moderation. Besides, that's what the sausagefest is for; to distract ourselves from consuming those demons like they were.. Oh, what's it called.. Candy."
I finished licking his hand clean before i spoke.
"So, that means you get to eat one every..."
"Once or twice a month, we go into that city to find stragglers and hunt them down for food."
"What about if you're thirsty?"
"Usually, their blood quenches it. Otherwise, we turn to something else for an alternative."
"Oh, don't tell me..."
"We usually drink of our own, or another's, seed or urine."
"I told you not to tell me."
"But you need to know it, if you are to survive here. Otherwise, those... things, will drag you off in your sleep and turn you into one of them."
I folded my ears back in fear as we headed back to his place.
"Perhaps, after our training session, you could take me to the wall, just to show me?"
"No offence, but it's too risky. We might get ambushed if there's any escaped ones in hiding near the wall."
"I'll give you head after you show me."
"Thanks for the offer, but i'm gonna pass. I already promised Dan i would be your... uh, 'Guardian', so what i say goes."
"So, i take it you wanted some kind of alpha-beta relationship going on, like Master and Servant?"
"Well, i wouldn't call it S and M, per se, Dan just wants to keep tabs on you while you two are down here."
"You guys talkin' bout me?" we heard Dan ask as he came out of the house.
"Yeah, just making sure he realizes i'm his bodyguard for now."
"Okay. How are you, uh, 'Despising' Heck, so far, Mike?"
"Eh, not as bad as i would've imagined, but as long as i have allies, i'll be ready to take on anything."
"That's good to hear." Dan said, patting me on the back.
"But what i don't get, is when i first arrived here, it rained, but it wasn't water, it was.. some sort of transformation slime..." i said, giving them a play by play of what happened.
"Hmm..." Gornak said, giving a rough theory on it. Supposedly, it only happens to those who were transformed by another, out of love. When the deceased person arrives as a human, the tears, or other fluids, of thier lover follow them into the afterlife, manifesting as a rainstorm of sorts, and rains upon the human, and gives them their other form back, complete with whatever abilities they had.
"Remember the guy upstairs? the one who came to visit us?" Dan said.
"Can i say his name just this time?" i asked.
"Wouldn't change anything, i think. But only this once."
"You mean Lycaon?"
"Yeah. He gave Ryan the idea that he could revive you, somehow, but he shooed everyone out except for Ryan. So, i was in the motel, getting roughed up by the camel, so i pushed back, and that's how i got here. I also, uh, tried to nip at my mate for using that damned whistle of his."
No sooner than Dan had finished, and a few demons came after us. They looked like they were straight from the Fallout universe. Ghouls, as they were called. But they looked like the remains of the animal form they had chosen.
"Okay, now i see why we can never use His name: It attracts those things."
"And you also see now why i gave you those claws in the first place." Gornak said.
For weapons, i had Gornak's claws, Dan had his whip, and Gornak had... well, his hands, as we got ready.
They closed in on us, and we hit'em hard. I took mine out in one diagonal slice, clean through it's body, as it separated, and fell behind me.
Dan had a ranged weapon, so with a powerful 'CRACK!', he cut the demon in half across the waist. It stumbled and stopped, looking at the dingo.
_ 'CRACK!!' _
Dan hit the demon right between the eyes, and it's head exploded into a gory mess, splattering Gornack and i, but Dan decided to show off, and waved his whip like a lasso in front of him so fast, it acted like a shield.
"Looks like you've learned a few tricks for using that thing." i complimented.
"Pretty cool, huh? Prepare to be amazed by my awesome whip action!"
Dan then raised the spinning whip over his head, spun it faster, and to our surprise, he lifted off the ground using nothing but his whip. He then slowed down a bit, landed, put it in front of him again, and his whip cord started glowing a brilliant blue, and started to throw off sparks, before a ball of energy grew on the tip of the cord as a few more enraged demons came toward us. The energy ball was at least two feet in diameter when Dan cracked the whip, sending the ball towards the targets, knocking them over like bowling pins.
The demons got up and started toward us again. I then took notice that Dan was using his buffed-out form, and his eyes, like the ball of energy, started to glow red, as he foamed at the mouth a little.
With a massive "_ HEE-AH _!", he cracked the whip even harder, sending that ball at them, along with the thunder from cracking the whip.
The ball hit them at a fierce speed, faster than that of a speedball, carving holes in those that were in it's path. The whip's thunder followed shortly after, and completely obliterated every single one of them.
" Ya know, for bein' dead, i feel so alive right now!" Dan exclaimed, flashing an evil grin at us.
My senses were on high alert now; I shifted into my Feral form after figuring i was able to since Dan was using his buffed form. The new, improved Feral form i had, was like a combo of Hercules, Adonis and whatever other Gods had the best powers. Strength, power, agility. Everything was there; I was now officially a Werewolf!
The third wave was a pack of about twenty of them. The other two stepped back, and i gave it all i had, tearing the demons apart with my claws. Tossing my weight around, i crushed a few through body-checking and football tackles. Some of them were strong enough to try to block me, but my agility was like that of lightning, moving so fast i felt like i was teleporting through space, before i was piled on by at least ten or more.
"Mike!" Dan shouted. He tried to get to me, but Gornak held him back, instructing him to watch.
I was pinned by all those demons, i knew i had to do something to get them off me. As loud as i could, i roared, the shockwave blasting them off. Figuring i could indeed teleport here, i started dashing back and forth, teleporting through the demons, opening the rift inside of them, blowing them up like grenades until there were none left, and i teleported over to Dan and Gornak, panting as i hit the ground, changing back into my normal form. I had used up all that energy blasting through those things?
Dan was at my side as Gornak gathered what was left of those monsters i opened up and ground them into mush as he did the first one before.
"Oh, man, my lungs are on fire right now, agh!" i yipped out.
"Must've been from teleporting through the demons. I've never seen anyone do that before."
"No, i think it's from that roar. That's louder than anything i've ever heard. Though you sounded like a lion, when you did it." Dan replied as i ate more of the mashed demons, feeling my strength return.
"You're probably right. Blasted them, and scared myself at the same time." i said as i got back up. Gornak then showed me how to block with the claws, which fanned out to form a giant shield. He showed me the best positions to block, then tested them on me by throwing punches that he made sure to miss, letting me block every time.
"We'll consider those demons you fought part of your training for now. That was why you can't say His name: it attracts the demons outside the wall toward whoever said it."
"Hmm... Ever do that just to have something to do?"
"No. Say it too many times, you risk getting over-run by them."
"Okay. How many are left outside the wall?"
"About a few hundred more, out of more than a million inside the wall."
I wondered about it: There's nothing to do down here but kill demons and have sex. Surely, there would be a few places worth checking out, some other activities...
" God, this is getting boring, and we barely did anything yet!" i blurted out, trying to reel in a big one, faking a 'Whoops!' look.
"Mike!!" Gornak said, anger roiling in his voice, "I told you why we can't say that down here! Must i say it twice?!"
Not the fish i was hooking, but i rolled on.
"Well, come on! Like you said, there's nothing to do except kill demons and fuck each other's brains out, what else is there? If i had to pick, i'd choose to kill demons for eternity, so lighten up, man, come on!" i piled my words heavily on him as i switched to my feral form, glaring at him with glowing yellowish eyes.
Gornak's eyes started glowing red, and his breathing became ragged and deep.
"Gorn, please, don't do this. He just got here, he doesn't know the lay of the land here yet, and you're seriously gonna have a huge fight on your hands if you go and beat on him!" Dan said, pulling the muscular minotaur away from me as i changed back.
"Mike, did Gornak train you on how to use those things?" he asked.
"What's to understand about slash-block-slash-death?"
"As long as you know how to use'em, i'll let you do a bit of exploring, while i talk with Gornak. We can still MindLink with each other, and you can now teleport, so my Link will be your homing beacon for when you return."
"What's your range?" i asked.
"From the Sun to Pluto, i'm guessing. A galaxy, perhaps, down here."
"All right, then, i guess i'm off."
As Dan took Gornak in his house, i walked away, finding my sense of navigation crippled, i figured i would go in a random direction, setting my internal compass so that way, Dan's homing Link would be North.
I left my Feral form, shifting back to normal, and kept walking. It was as infinite as i thought it would be. I checked my Link with Dan.
'Yo, Dan, you there?'
'Loud an' clear, mate.'
'Kay, pop quiz: How do i tell if i'm going out of range?'
'Er, how far you gonna go?'
'Dude, this place is huge! I can't even begin to figure out how far i am right now.'
'Okay, i'll know if you lose the Link. Once Gorn cools down, i'll send'im after you. He'll act as a secondary link between the three of us.'
'Cool. Do you think it would be possible to widen my range if i ate a few demons here and there?'
'Gornak warned you about eating them, didn't he?'
'What's the worst that could happen?'
'One sec... Gornak says that, along with becoming addicted to demon flesh, if you were to eat too many, your mind would be corrupted, and you would go insane as you hunt them down. Then, you would be completely Feral, a full-on Wolf, no Human side to balance it out. Thus turning you into one of them.'
'I so did not predict that.'
'Bummer, ain't it?'
I chuckled a bit, as i just used one of Hunter's catch phrases.
'I think i'm gonna head back, Dan. Nice as this side is, it still scares the fuck outta me.'
'We'll be wait-'
Before Dan had a chance to finish, i was instantly in Gornak's house, right in front of them. Dan gasped loudly and passed out from shock.
"Oops. Sorry, Dan." i said, looking sheepish.
Gornak let out a tired sigh and shook his head.
"That was bad, wasn't it?"
"How did- How fast did you get here?" Gorn asked.
"As soon as he said 'wait' i started. Took two-millionths' of a second."
"Wow. "You are fast. Faster than... Me. Here, have a sit on my lap."
"Just don't do what i think you're planning on doing, the teleport wore me the fuck out."
"Wow, that's a turn-off."
"Good." i said as i laid on the couch, with my head in Gorn's lap, as Dan was still on the ground. Looking up at him, i was amazed at how large he looked from crotch level. "You know, you got some nice-looking horns. They remind me of a Longhorn steer's, the ones that Humans put on the hoods of their vehicles to make them look cool."
"Thanks." he said, rubbing one of them. "And you have a smokin' hot bod for a Werewolf. How you manage to keep yourself looking that way, well, i won't ask, i know the answer already."
"Aw..." i murred as he gently petted me.
"And your fur is so soft, as if it were pure silk..."
"Gorn, are you-"
"No, i'm just observing..."
"Okay... Uh, i'm gonna sleep for awhile. Don't do anything to me while i'm asleep, or i will shred you till you can't regenerate."
"Yes, Sir."
With that, i fell into a fitful slumber that seemed to last a long time.