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Begin moping.

I sincerely apologize for the delay - it didn't have to be this long. This part was beyond my skill when I started, and when I realized that I lost my drive for a while instead of working through it. Also, my hard drive crashed partway through, so I lost a good month's worth of stuff (including a different story about possibly the most adorable couple I've ever written :(. I haven't had the heart to start that one over yet). But mostly it's been pure, unadulterated procrastination.

That said, I promise that Part 19 WILL be out by the 1st of August, barring major catastrophe, and I'll let you know then when to expect 20.

So... yeah. Once again, I'm truly sorry, and I'll try to make it up to you with more regular postings. I don't blame you if you don't believe me yet, though.

End moping.

As always, I love getting comments and critique, so don't worry about being hard on the story. If you don't like it, please take the time to tell my why :). Nick's bi, so read at your own risk. I hope you all enjoy. Thanks!

• Xi

PS. I'm redesigning Dan and Halo's house. I don't know if that shows in the story, but I thought I'd mention it in case.

Part 18

"It's on Coal and 2nd!" I shouted, the noise painfully loud in the cramped minivan. In the other seat, Jake winced and pressed his phone tighter to his ear.

"Yeah, Coal and 2nd," he repeated for the emergency responder. "No, I don't know - no, we just got a letter a minute ago, and I think she's - you did? Is she okay?" He was silent for one agonizingly tense minute; then his shoulders slumped. "Yeah. Thank you." He hung up and raised his head. "She says they already picked someone up from there."

"Is she all right?" I asked frantically, trying to temper my voice but still much louder than I should have. That meant she'd actually done it. God, what was I thinking asking if she was okay, she'd just tried to fucking kill herself, of course she wasn't all right, and it was my fault... I gripped the cughion under my thighs impotently and squirmed against the seat belt Halo had made me put on, all but ready to get out and push to make us go faster.

The wolf smiled at me comfortingly. "The lady said she made it, and they took her to the hospital." He turned to the front. "It's the one downtown, Mum."

Halo nodded and changed lanes while I gave a choked sob and collapsed against the backrest. Leaning even farther over, Jake gently stroked the fur on my neck. "Shh, mutt, it'll be okay. She'll be fine, you'll see. The lady said she was in fairly good shape, according to the report from the officers who were there."

Good shape for someone who just jumped off a building, I amended silently. I almost snapped at him, but made myself stop and bite my tongue instead. Damn it, I'd just started talking with him again, and I was already trying to ruin it.

I think Jake guessed what I was thinking, because he slid out of his own seat to settle gingerly on the edge of mine, trying to meet my gaze. For about five seconds I held out, squeezing my eyes shut and huddling back, before I collapsed and flung my arms around his chest. "Why?," I whispered into his - rather wet, and getting wetter as he held me - shirt. "I tried to fix it - I called her, I wanted to say sorry, I - God, I'm such a fucking moron..."

Jake didn't say anything; he just made a funny little murmuring noise and rubbed my back.

I was nearly howling in impatience by the time we'd finally found a space in the parking garage and navigated through the maze of elevators and hallways to a waiting area. I sprinted up to the front desk - and stalled against the receptionist.

"I'm very sorry, but without permission from the patient's parent of guardian we can't let anyone in to visit," the Irish setter was saying, her voice artificially polite.

"But she's hurt, and I -" before I could finish yelling, Jake and Halo caught up and Jake quickly shushed me while Halo took over.

"I know it's irregular, but couldn't you..." the deer started, her argument fading out as Jake very gently pulled me to one of the chairs along the wall.

I resented it. I resented their arrogant, condescending assumption that Halo could handle the situation better than I could, I resented the notion that I was the hindrance here even though it was my friend we were trying to see - and I resented the fact that they were right. My nerves were frayed far beyond the breaking point from the fights, the last two weeks, and the fact that one of the only furs who'd actually given a damn was in the hospital because of me, but there was nothing I could do about it anymore. I'd already thrown away all the chances I'd gotten.

It took a couple minutes before I realized Jake was trying to say something. Sniffing, I rubbed my eyes and tried to pay attention. This wasn't doing anyone any good.

"Nick, what happened?" the wolf asked, keeping his voice low but still urgent. "The last I heard you were just going to see a friend, and now -"

He stopped before finishing, but I knew what he was going to say. And now we were hoping I hadn't killed her. It didn't help my composure much.

"W-we had a fight," I whispered eventually, unable to meet his eyes. "She was - I just wanted to say s-sorry, but she wasn't there, and - she was just trying to help! She got me t-to talk to you, and I just - when she asked if I was okay, I - damn it, why couldn't I have just shut up? Now I've f-fucking r-ruined ev-vryth -"

I stuttered to a halt, pushing away when he tried to pull me against his side. "L-leave me alone!" I half-yelled, before clamping my jaws shut again.

Thankfully, he drew back briefly while I fought for control. A moment later, Halo walked briskly over. "Well, I got them to send a note to the doctor, at least," she said. "He should get back to us once he has time." Pausing to look at us, her brow furrowed. "Jake, would you leave for a few minutes, please?"

Jake opened his muzzle in protest, but stopped short at his mother's frown. Reluctantly, he stood up, quickly reaching out to caress my ears. "It'll be fine, mutt," the wolf murmured before walking out.

Halo took his seat next to me, but aside from laying a hand on my knee she let me be while some of the tension drained out of my body. "All right, Nick," she began once I'd taken a deep breath and looked up, "I'd also kind of like a little explanation. I don't want to upset you, but I need to know what's going on."

Gathering myself, I nodded and told her, starting from that morning. I even held together a bit better the second time through - or at least, I managed to be fairly coherent, even though I still wound up crying. Halo gently rubbed my back, scooting a little closer on her chair.

"Oh, Nick. We told you to take it easy - why didn't you talk to someone?"

"I wish I hadn't talked to anyone," I replied miserably, biting my lip almost hard enough to bleed. "Look what happened when I did." Scooting away, I glared at her accusingly through watery eyes. "You're supposed to be mad at me, Halo - I practically killed my best friend!"

Somehow she kept her gaze even. Her voice trembled though. "You're mad enough at yourself already, Nick, and you're trying to fix it. Just try and relax a bit, okay, kiddo?" She scooted over once more - co-opting the seat I'd vacated - and rested an arm on my shoulders.

"You don't even know if we'll get to see her," I whispered, but my voice didn't have any force behind it. I think I'd run out of energy for a while.

Jake came back shortly afterwards, just as a middle-aged tiger in a green outfit stepped out of the doors past the receptionist. She and the setter spoke briefly, then the receptionist pointed us out and we got uncertainly to our feet. The tiger stepped forward and briskly shook Halo's hand. "I am Dr. Pillai," she said in a crisp, accented voice.

Halo introduced us, and the tiger led us to a small office crammed with books and papers. There was a chair - three, in fact, if you counted the ones currently serving as shelves - but none of us sat down.

"I am in charge of your friend's care," the doctor began without preamble. Her voice and eyes were frank, but it was obvious she was choosing her words carefully. "We are not supposed to reveal information about our patients, but I can say that she is all right. She has a number of broken bones and probably internal bleeding, but I think she will recover. I would like to know more about her, however. She carried no identification - do you know how to contact her parents? If she is allergic to any of the medications I plan to use, I need to know about it."

I hesitated. I mean, you can get into a ton of trouble with allergic reactions, or if your tolerance is better or worse than average. Stuff like getting oversedated and spending a few extra days out while they try to keep you breathing. Add everything she'd already been through, and -

But, then there were Claire's parents.

So, mute, I dropped my gaze and shook my head.

"Nick..." Halo said warningly. I winced, ears plastered against my skull.

"I -" I cut off, torn. I mean - it felt like a betrayal.

Hell, existing felt like a betrayal.

Strangely enough, it was the doctor who saved me. "Would it be possible to speak with you privately for a moment?" she asked, looking directly at me.

I turned pleadingly to Halo. After a long moment, the deer reluctantly nodded, and shooed Jake out of the cramped office.

The tiger let the silence settle in for a few seconds before she started. "Sir - Nick - I hate to press you, but we cannot afford to make mistakes. Your friend needs the best care we can give her."

"I know, it's just -" I trailed off again, not even sure where to start. I mean, I didn't know anything...

After searching my face for a moment, Dr. Pillai sighed softly. "It is not uncommon for furs like your friend to come from abusive families, Nick," she said. I looked up quickly at her. "We always keep an eye on suicide patients -" I winced at the calm way she said it "- and I will personally do my best to get your friend to talk about anything that is happening at home. But I need to have her medical records, and for that I need to talk to her family."

I tried searching her face in return, desperately wanting to believe her, but I've never been very good at reading expressions. All I had to go on was hope.

Finally, I gave in and told her Claire's last name and home phone number.

Dr. Pillai thanked me and brought Jake and Halo back in. "It will probably be a few hours before you can visit your friend," she said. "If you want, you can wait in the lobby, or you can come back later."

"We'll go ahead and wait," Halo answered after glancing in my direction. "And thank you."

The next few hours could have been days for all I knew. The only real indication of the passage of time was the slow darkening outside the floor-to-ceiling windows on one wall and the lights coming on inside, yet even they seemed a little surreal in the bright, clean waiting room. Halo called Dan, and she and Jake badgered me into giving a somewhat more complete story.

I still expected Halo to give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserved, but she never did. The closest she came was a thinning of her lips once or twice. Frankly, I think that made it even worse - I felt like everyone should be furious with me, so why wouldn't they act like it?

Dan came in at some point with some drive-through hamburgers, but I wasn't in any mood for eating. Eventually, sheer exhaustion let me doze off against Jake's shoulder.

He'd left again when Jake shook me awake, and there was some nurse or clerk or something standing a few paces away.

"They said Claire's awake now," the wolf murmured, which brought me rapidly to full awareness. The clerk gave us directions, and we walked rapidly down a succession of hallways until we made it to her room.

Dr. Pillai was visible through the partially-open door, and Halo caught Jake's shoulder to stop him. The wolf looked downright mutinous for a moment, but then sighed in assent. "Probably best if she only sees one fur at a time, mutt," he said gently.

Which, pathetically enough, left me feeling rather abandoned as I slipped into the hospital room.

The sight of Claire was almost enough to break my composure even before we'd said a word. She was mostly invisible beneath the bedcovers, but there was clearly some kind of cast or bracer on at least one of her legs, and numerous bandages on her forearms and jaw.

But mostly it was just the way she looked at me. Some of it was probably just whatever painkiller she was on, but she looked so... dead. Even when she adopted a tiny, fragile smile, it was like she wasn't there.

I sat gingerly on the chair set up next to her bed, opposite the IV in one of her arms, and - after looking at Dr. Pillai to make sure it was all right, carefully laid my paw on hers.

"Hey, Claire," I half-whispered, trying to match her smile and barely even managing that.

"Hey," she replied just as softly. To my horror, a tear leaked out of the corner of her eye. "Sorry about - this."

"Sh-shouldn't I be the one telling you that?" I choked out. I clamped down on the stammer, determined to hold together for her.

She whimpered slightly anyway, which once again nearly broke me. "It wasn't your fault," she whispered.

I had to stifle a bitter snort and half a dozen other, equally caustic replies. "I should have been there for you," I said instead.

She shut her eyes and didn't answer.

After trying desperately to come up with something to say to convince the bear-fox to stop blaming herself, I finally gave up. Instead, I just said what I should have said when she'd asked me in the first place.

"Claire?" it took a few seconds for her to open her eyes again and look at me. "What you said yesterday - it really did help. I... probably would never have talked to him otherwise. Thank you."

Maybe it helped, or maybe she was just acting, but her expression became marginally happier. "Oh," she said, but anything else was cut off by a yawn. Then she started to apologize again, so I squeezed her paw lightly to stop her.

"Don't worry about it," I said quietly. "Just - try to get better soon, okay?"

I guess it was the wrong thing to say - her face turned sad again even as she nodded, and her eyes shut again. I waited five or ten minutes to see if she'd say anything else, but it looked like she was asleep again.

Quietly, I let go of her paw and slipped out of the room. Dr. Pillai followed me.

"Try not to worry too much," she said reassuringly. "It will take time, but I think she will heal."

I nodded numbly while she went on to tell us the visiting hours. Then I let Jake and Halo start leading me out. It wasn't until a couple hundred feet farther that I started trembling, then slowing to a stop, and finally starting to sob.

Jake's paw tightened almost painfully over mine, and he used that grip to pull me into a fierce hug. "Hey, it's okay," he whispered. "She'll pull through, you'll see."

I fought hard to get back under control. "Sorry," I mumbled at last.

I felt him shrug slightly. "Me too," he answered. That wasn't what I'd meant, but I was too tired to say so.

I felt somewhat better afterwards - enough so that I could blush when I realized we'd been blocking the middle of the hall while Halo stood a few feet away. Thankfully the only other fur was still a ways down, so we hadn't stopped traffic. I ducked away from his gaze as we passed, though.

The rain had wound down to a mild drizzle outside - not that it mattered, since I was still a little damp from earlier despite the hours inside. Probably smelled like wet dog, too. I shivered a bit on the drive back, and once we'd arrived I tentatively excused myself to take a quick shower. I half expected someone to object, but neither Dan nor Halo did, Jake was still in the garage, and Aislyn and Michael were doing something in the kitchen.

When I got out, clean, warm, and dry for the first time in what felt like forever, I was surprised to smell food from downstairs. I still wasn't hungry, but I was fairly sure they'd come get me if I hid in my room. Besides, I was rather painfully aware of how much I owed them. So I ventured down and dutifully added a small helping of spaghetti to my plate.

It tasted rather better than it had any right to, and I found myself enjoying the meal - until Michael spoke up. From his tone, he'd been holding back the whole evening.

"Where'd you all go today?" The deer looked around the table, his face a mix between curiosity and frustration at our lack of response. "Well?" he demanded.

"Michael, you're being nosy," Halo said gently, but he wasn't having any of it. Frightened tears were glistening in his eyes.

"You never tell me anything! Dad was sad all day, and no one will say what's wrong!"

"It's none of your busi -" I started to snap, but cut myself off. Dan and Aislyn shot me warning looks.

"A... friend of mine was in trouble," I said instead, forcing my tone back to civility. I'd put him through this - he deserved at least a little explanation. "We went to see her at the hospital."

"Oh," Michael said, suddenly subdued. He waited a minute then tentatively asked, "Is she okay?"

I bit my lip and gave a noncommittal half-shrug.

"The doctor said she'll get better," Halo responded, half to him and half to me. Aislyn traded a look with Jake - maybe for verification, I don't know.

After dinner, I awkwardly helped gather the dishes, then wound up scrubbing a burn off the saucepan before it went into the dishwasher. Once that was done, Dan and Halo pulled me aside.

"Are you going to make it, Nick?" Dan asked.

I considered it, then shrugged with a half-chuckle. "I guess."

They nodded - not so much like they agreed with me than like they'd expected that response. Halo went on, "we think it would probably be better if you stayed home tomorrow, all right?"

So I don't ruin anyone else's lives, I finished for her. I nodded, and whispered something that might have been a thanks. Halo brushed my cheek briefly, offered an encouraging little smile, and let me go. Not up to doing anything else, I climbed back upstairs to my room and went to bed. I stayed awake for a long time, though, thinking. Eventually Jake slipped in and laid down next to me. I pulled away a bit, but stayed within arm's reach, and he let me.

Eventually, I fell asleep.

Halo placed another stone on the board, making me sigh ruefully and remove three of mine. I still wasn't very familiar with the rules of Go, and this would be the second time the red-black deer had beaten me this morning.

It didn't help that my heart wasn't really in it. Familiar or not, I could have avoided giving her so many openings if I'd been paying attention.

I was silently calling myself all kinds of names for missing him. I'd last seen him just half an hour ago, when he came back from the errands Halo had asked him to run. Then I'd seen him an hour before that, when he'd convinced Dan and Halo to let him stay home too. So it wasn't like we'd been apart for weeks, but I was still wishing he'd brought his paper down here to work on instead of going upstairs.

At least some of this must have shown in me face. "You about done with this for today?" Halo asked.

I nodded. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"You know, you don't have to keep apologizing for everything," she said gently.

I nodded again, not meeting her eyes. I knew Halo's reasoning, and part of me conceded that it wasn't accomplishing anything, but knowing didn't help much.

I helped pack the game up again, then glumly padded over to the kitchen, where I had my own stack of homework. Pretty sizable, too - I'd been doing approximately none of it for the last two weeks.

I stared at the page for a while, trying to make sense of the letters splattered all over it. After a few minutes, I decided maybe history wasn't my calling for the day and fished another paper out at random.

This one was even worse. It had to be maths - every other subject at least had recognizable words - but what the hell was a limit? Had we covered those? Were they important?

Eventually I gave in to the inevitable, opened the textbook, and started to read.

An hour and a half later I'd slogged through that assignment and pushed it aside so I could rest my head in my arms.

All right, enough was enough. I mustered some determination and stood up, then walked purposefully into the living room. Or at least, it started out as purposeful. By the time I got to where Halo was sitting on the couch and working on a laptop, it was more of a timid scurry.

"Um, Halo?" I started awkwardly, holding my paws awkwardly at my sides.

She looked up at me. "Mm?"

"Would - would it be okay if Jake and I went for a walk?"

Her eyes clouded. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Nick," she said gently.

"Please?" I laid my ears back and waited.

One awkward pause later, the deer sighed a bit. "All right. Go get Jake and we'll talk about it."

I took the stairs two at a time, but then stopped cold outside his door where he couldn't see me. Hesitantly, I stepped forward and peeked in. He was sitting at his desk, propping his head up with both paws, and there was an open Word document on his desktop screen. He jumped slightly when I knocked, but then smiled at me. And then I was out of breath for two reasons.

"D'you want to go out - I mean, can we go for a walk?" I asked, blushing bright pink as I stumbled over the sentence. "I - kind of need to talk to you." My voice dropped. "Like, a lot."

He nodded slowly and stood up. "Did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to go?"

I shook my head. I just really needed to get away for a little and just talk with him alone. Then, still skittish, I turned and half-ran back downstairs before he could reach me. Idiocy, but there it was.

Halo had closed her laptop and was waiting for us. I sat gingerly on the other couch where I could face her, and Jake took the spot next to me. Which made me tense up, but I forced myself to hold still.

The deer came right to the point. "Listen, if I let you two out I need to know you won't get into another fight or anything by the time you come back."

She gave us both a penetrating look, and I bit my lip. I mean, I hadn't meant to get into any of the fights, so how could I promise I wouldn't now?

Answer: any more fighting would be more than I could take, so I'd damn well bite my tongue off if that's what it took.

So I nodded with a faint " 'kay." Jake echoed me, albeit louder.

Halo looked marginally reassured. "If anything happens, call me right away and then come straight back, understand?" she said. Receiving our promises, she sighed a bit and went on in a much softer tone. "All right. Be careful, both of you."

Nodding again, I got up. Jake followed suit, but then paused. "Actually, Mum, could we borrow your car? I kind of have someplace specific in mind, but it's out past the east side of town."

Halo considered it, but the east side wasn't all that far, so she nodded her assent.

Sitting in the passenger's seat a short while later, I briefly pondered asking if I could get a driver's permit, but firmly brought myself back on track. Some other time.

The houses quickly thinned to almost nothing as we drove higher up the foothills, and I was starting to wonder just how far on the east side the wolf had meant when he pulled over onto a rest stop.

I got out and walked around to his side while he grabbed his backpack and locked up, then looked at him inquisitively.

"It's quieter out here," he said by way of explanation.

"Oh. Isn't it illegal to just get out and start walking?"

"I don't think so. They like you to sign in if you're using a trail, but you don't have to."

I stood there awkwardly for a second, then flinched when he took my paw.

His other paw reached up to touch the side of my face, trailing up to rub my ear. "Hey," he said, halfway between reassurance and question. I shrugged. Explaining would have taken all day, if it worked at all.

He let it be and started leading me slowly into the trees on the side of the road. Aside from heading generally uphill, and despite what he'd told Halo, we didn't seem to be going anywhere specific.

"So," he said eventually.

"So," I returned, trying to figure out how to start. Eventually I decided that this was no time to worry about subtleties and just dove right in. "Jake, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing," he said immediately. "You're just -"

"I don't need platitudes, Jake," I cut him off. I was surprised at how calm my voice still was, considering how hard my heart was trying to climb out of my chest. Usually I'd be gibbering by now. "I have plenty of those. I almost killed my best friend, Jake - what the hell is wrong with me?" Calm or no, I was still clenching his paw rather harder than necessary.

I guess it got through to him, anyway. "You... have a temper," he started. I snorted. "And you don't like people nosing into your life. Nick, I shouldn't have said that yesterday, I knew you did't want to talk about it. It wasn't all your fault you blew up, especially after everything else I'd put you through."

I whimpered softly. "What else?" I asked rather than remember the everything else. "Lots of furs have a temper."

The wolf stopped short and grabbed my arm, turning me to face him. "Mutt, you..." he trailed off as I looked at him, silently pleading for him not to push it. His ears were laid flat back, which scared me rather badly all on its own.

After a moment he pulled me into a loose embrace. "Most other furs have someone to talk to," he said instead. He let go and we slowly started walking together. "They can let stuff out now and then without blowing up like you do."

I thought about it. His list wasn't anywhere near complete, but then, I supposed a complete list would have lasted longer than we had available. And he'd given me something I could work with. Maybe. If I trusted him.

Which wasn't a question I wanted to answer, but I had to do something.

"Can I... talk to you?" I asked in a whisper.

He squeezed my paw and looked over. "Always," he said, his voice absolutely sincere.

I swallowed. "My - my mum was an immigrant. Russia, I think - my full name's Nikolai. But if you call me that I'll hit you." I gave a hollow laugh. "That's got nothing to do with anything, though, I guess.

"She - well, I don't know what she did for a living, but she was always yelling, and she was using just about every drug there was. I didn't take anything, that I know about, and I still went through withdrawal afterwards."

The wolf was caressing my fingers with one thumb. "After what?" he prompted gently.

"After I ran away," I answered, then snorted. "Hell, mostly I just got lost. She... broke my arm one night -" lord, was I still trembling from that memory? "- and then I guess she forgot about it or something, because she didn't do anything about it for the rest of the weekend. Then I ran away instead of going to school, and when I lost my nerve I didn't know where I was, and -"

At some point we'd stopped walking, and Jake had wrapped his arms around my shoulders again. When I quit talking he carefully guided us to a sunny patch between the trees and laid out a canvas blanket from his backpack to avoid the still-damp ground. It was actually a nice setting.

It took a minute to get back under control, and then I wrapped it up. "Anyway, somebody stopped me eventually and took me to see a doctor, and the doctor reported child abuse. A few months of legal stuff later I was at an orphanage, and like a year later I went to the correction center because I was fighting with the other kids so much." My voice cracked slightly. "And that's about it, I guess."

" 'About it'," the wolf half-whispered incredulously before literally shaking himself. "When was this?"

"I was seven and eight," I answered, leaning against him. Oddly enough, now that I'd said it I'd stopped being so upset. I made a note to never mention that reaction at the correction center, to avoid all the carefully worded I-told-you-sos from every single counselor there.

Jake let out a long breath and rested his chin on the top of my head. "And I was tromping all over all of that yesterday, wasn't I?"

I shrugged. "You didn't know." Then when he tried to go on about it I bucked my head, thumping his jaw shut. He took the hint.

"Uh, by the way, mutt," he started ten sun-drenched minutes later, sounding distinctly embarassed, "Where'd you go when you ran up here?"

"Beg pardon?"

He shifted behind me. "Last semester, I mean. You ran off during lunch one time, and I lost you sometime after we got into the trees."

"Hang on, you actually followed me?" I asked, torn between amusement and surprise. I felt him nod over my head, and giggled. I sound like an absolute idiot when I giggle, but I couldn't help it. "I dunno. I wasn't exactly keeping track. It was a ways farther up, though."

"Oh. I was wondering if I was anywhere close. I didn't get back 'til after midnight, and Mum grounded me for like a month."

"You're a moron, you know," I informed him, still snickering.

"Yeah, well." His voice suddenly turned serious. "I was kind of obsessed with you. I didn't even know it until later, but it stopped really being about protecting you from Ivan like a week in."

"Oh." I was suddenly feeling very small. "I didn't even realize."

Warm lips touched my ear. "You weren't supposed to, beautiful."

I stood rather abruptly, face probably brighter than a tomato. "So, um, anyway. We should - probably -"

He chuckled, standing up and catching my face between his paws. Then he leaned down and kissed me, which pretty well stopped any attempt at moving I might have made for the next few seconds.

"Oh," I said faintly when he pulled away. He smiled for me and leaned down to start gathering up the blanket. Shaking myself, I helped.

Most of the walk down was silent - the good kind. Only when we were mostly back to the road did Jake hesitantly start speaking.

"Once we're back we can probably talk Halo into taking us to see Claire."

I bit my lip and nodded. Eight steps after that I took a deep breath and stopped.

"Jake?"

He stopped as well and turned to face me.

"I - I don't ever want to do that to somebody again. I just -" my voice broke, forcing me to swallow painfully to get it back. "I hate blowing up like that all the time."

Ducking my head, I jerked forward and buried my face in his chest. "Help me fix it?"

Warm, powerful arms wrapped around my back and pulled me even tighter against him.

"Always."

Halo actually suggested the visit, after we'd gotten back and eaten a late lunch. Which saved me the awkwardness of having to ask if I could leave twice in one day when I was unofficially grounded, so I was doubly grateful.

Better yet, they'd moved Claire out of the emergency room, so I assumed she was doing fairly well.

Right up until I saw her, anyway.

She looked, if anything, even worse than yesterday. I froze just inside the door to her room, muzzle opening soundlessly, but Halo nudged my back before I could say anything. Instead I clamped my jaws shut, pasted on a smile, and stepped inside.

She was awake, anyway, and smiled weakly at me from her half-sitting position on a mass of pillows. "Hey, Nick," she murmured. "I guess I look kind of bad?"

Well, so much for faking levity. "Kind of," I admitted as I took a seat. "What happened?"

"They say it's normal after an operation," she answered, hitching one shoulder - and wincing - as if she wasn't sure she believed that.

Well, now that she mentioned it I remembered being even more tired - not to mention hurting - afterwards when I was in too. I hadn't realized it was so visible - no wonder everyone had been telling me I looked like hell last time. She looked so... fragile.

We sat in silence for a few moments - the bad kind. Eventually Claire looked up, her eyes far too wet for my comfort. "I guess this pretty much ruined your day, right?"

God, what do you say to that? That I deserved it? I knew I did, but I rather doubted that was the right thing to tell her. More and more I was learning why everyone falls back on cliches: I needed to say something to help her, but in reality I was plain terrified and had no clue how to help.

"I - yes, but not the way you mean," I said uncomfortably, then immediately wished I could take it back as she gave a miserable little nod. I leaned forward to brush her cheek. "Claire, I wanted to be here. To see you. We... well, I'm supposed to be your friend."

"You are," the bear-fox whispered. I studied her face, wishing I were better at judging emotions. I couldn't tell if I'd improved the situation or just made it worse.

"Who was that outside with you?" Claire asked before I could formulate a decent response.

I instinctively turned towards the door. "Oh, that was Jake, and his mum." Suddenly it occurred to me that bringing Jake might not have been a good idea, with what Claire'd said in her letter.

"They... could come in too," she said, interrupting my thoughts. Her voice sounded wistful. "You know, if they wanted."

It took a minute to figure it out because my brain was going the other way, but finally I realized I knew that emotion just fine. Lonliness. The kind you can only get from being stuck on a bed all day, getting checked on every three seconds by complete strangers who, while nice, are obviously just doing their jobs.

So, I got up and poked my head into the hall to see if Jake and Halo wanted to come in, and my jaw dropped again. This time the reason was that Ivan was also waiting outside.

"What're you doing here?" I asked, any semblance of tact flying right out the window.

The lion shifted awkwardly from one foot to another. "I, uh, heard about Claire, and school just let out, so I thought I'd come by to say hi," he said.

Oh. Well, that explained exactly nothing. "Well, she said it's okay to come in if you want to," I said, looking from him over to Jake and Halo.

They nodded, and we all filed back in so I could make some introductions. Claire at least seemed to know Ivan a little, and conversation flowed reasonably well. Ivan seemed a little cold towards me for a little, and I assumed he was mad that I'd hurt her. But he eventually thawed a bit, which left me feeling both intensely grateful and miserably inadequate. I more than half wished he'd at least bashed me into the wall over it.

So, I got quieter and quieter as the visit went on. By the time Claire started yawning again I'd worked myself back into depression, and the knowledge that I wasn't helping cheer her up only made it worse.

That's around when Dr. Pillai stepped in - accompanied by Claire's father.

I growled at him. I know it's rude, but I did it anyway - a full-on, lips-back, fur-bristling growl. Only for a second, but still.

"Nick!" Halo said sharply.

I ducked my head, setting my ears back unhappily. "Sorry," I mumbled.

For his part, the fox paused in surprise at the doorway.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" he asked politely, smiling at us. "I'm Rick Terrod, Claire's father." He stepped forward to shake paws with Halo, while Jake unobtrusively grabbed mine. It was shaking.

Halo introduced us, and he nodded politely, smiling at each of us. I ducked away from his gaze, though he took no especial notice of me.

"And how are you doing today?" he asked Claire.

"I'm all right, sir," she answered, struggling to sit up a little on her pillows. "A little tired, th -"

"Tired? Nonsense, my dear," he interrupted cheerfully. "I'm sure you'll be up and about in no time."

"Actually, it will most likely be several days before we are comfortable letting your daughter leave," Dr. Pillai stepped in tactfully. "It is important for her to rest while she recovers from her injuries."

Right on cue, Claire gave an enormous yawn, though she kept her eyes on the fox.

His smile slipped briefly. "Well, perhaps I'll come back another time," he said. He smiled again at each of us - my paranoia made it seem like he looked at me a little longer than the rest - stepped forward to grab Claire's paw for a moment, then stepped back and left. I muttered something uncomplimentary as the door swung shut.

"What was that about?" Ivan asked, his expression half-confused and half-wary.

"N-nothing," Claire replied quickly. I didn't say anything.

Dr. Pillai chased us out shortly thereafter when Claire was clearly fighting sleep. Before I left, though, I touched her paw to catch her attention. "It'll be okay," I whispered, the words meant just for her. She nodded, but also bit her lip unhappily. My own lips trembled, but I didn't know how to help her, and I had to go.

Ivan caught my eye as we were walking down the hall, and I caught Jake's so he'd let go of my paw. Then the lion and I trailed back a little ways - enough for a semblance of privacy, anyway.

"I heard you and her got into a fight at school," he started in a low voice.

I nodded, swallowing at the memory.

"Is that why she's here?"

I practically had to pry my jaws apart. "B-basically. After school, she - she tried to -"

Ivan's breath let out in something halfway between a huff and growl. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," I whispered miserably, feeling my tail tucked firmly between my legs. "I just - God, I don't know! I wish I'd never opened my mouth."

He shook his head angrily. "Well, you damn well better learn to shut up, then."

"I know," I mumbled. "I - I'm trying."

The lion looked inscrutably over at me as we walked, then nodded once and sped up to catch the rest of the group.

You'd think that the day had already been eventful enough, but apparently not. There was a car parked on the side of the driveway. I didn't recognize it, but Jake immediately tensed up in the other seat, and Halo didn't let us out at the front door before she pulled into the garage.

Jake touched my arm as I started to unbuckle my seat belt. "You stay here for a minute, okay, mutt?" he said.

"Who was that?" I asked as he was getting out, but he shook his head and shut the door.

I pondered for a brief moment, but curiosity trumped wisdom and I slid out after him and hurried inside.

Amy was waiting in the entryway.

I stopped dead, stomach abruptly dropping into my toes and heart jumping into my throat as my tongue glued itself to the roof of my mouth.

She was wearing a simple white blouse and dark grey skirt - formal, but in a businesslike way. Jake was standing all of one step in front of me and a little to the side, while Halo was a little ways farther in.

All three turned to look at me for a second, then Amy swallowed and continued what she'd been saying. "Anyway, Aislyn let me in."

No one responded for a longish moment until Halo stirred. "Well, why don't you sit down," the deer said, waving towards the living room. If possible, my stomach plunged even further. "I imagine you three have a lot to talk about."

Jake nodded woodenly and we started walking further inside. Halo caught me as I passed. "Are you going to be okay for this?" she asked quetly.

I almost took the proffered escape, but instead took a deep breath and nodded. "Ye - probably," I murmured, revising the statement mid-word.

Once we'd all settled down - Amy in one of the single chairs, Jake and I on opposite sides of one of the couches - Halo looked us over, especially at Jake and me. "Behave," she said sternly, then retreated to the master bedroom. She left the door open, so she could probably hear if we started fighting, but at least we could pretend we were alone.

No one said a word for a full minute afterwards, which had the effect of making said minute drag on for at least a decade. Finally Amy cleared her throat. "So, I guess you two are - are together, now?"

"Yeah," Jake answered. I think he was trying to keep his voice inflectionless, but there was still a tiny note of defiance there, together with a somewhat larger one of - sorrow? I started shaking.

"Why didn't you tell me?" the leopard whispered, her voice clogged while her green eyes glistened wetly.

"I meant to, I just - first I thought it was a fluke, or something, and then -" abruptly he cut off and lowered his head. "I'm sorry. I don't have an excuse - I was a coward, and I apologize" His voice fell to a whisper. "I didn't want to hurt you, it just - happened."

Amy's eyes hardened dangerously for a moment, and I whimpered. But then she shut them, and sighed. "Yeah," she said wearily. "I guess I basically knew anyway, just from the way you two acted."

I blushed, but mostly I was just stunned at the way she'd stopped herself cold through sheer force of will. God, I wasn't half this good.

"I - I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling my eyes well up and doing my best to keep from crying.

She turned to look at me in surprise. "You really are, aren't you?" she murmured, and I nodded miserably. "You're making it really hard to hate you, you know."

"I didn't mean for this to happen," I mumbled. "It just - I couldn't help it."

"Yeah. I guess none of us could really help it, could we?" she responded softly, then shook herself and raised her voice back to normal. "Well, I'm making this harder than it needs to be. I just wanted to - to settle things, I guess."

"Amy?" Jake said, meeting her gaze. "Thank you. For... for coming and talking about it."

The leopard's lips trembled for an instant, but she nodded. Then she stood abruptly and looked us over, her eyes betraying a curious mix of suppressed sadness and a little bit of - comfort? "And... good luck, you two." Then she hurried out.

***

Whew. This part was uberlong. Worse, Part 16 was actually intended to cover all of what's now 17 and the first hospital scene here, but then it kinda exploded :). At least I got a lot of things reasonably well wrapped up.

Anyway. My critique of this: The first hospital scene: not all that great as far as realism. Also, I can't seem to write sad/guilty all that well, and I certainly can't hold onto it for more than a few pages before I have to lighten up a bit. I'll need to work on that. And, I badly need to lay of the adverbs and word repitition (whispered, he, she, I, I, I, I...). But those aside, I'm not wholly displeased with the result, so please don't gang up on me to ease up like last time :P.

As always, thanks for reading!