Jasper: Anything and Everything
#3 of My Place in Your Life
"Jasper: Anything and Everything"
Part 3 of 'My Place in Your Life'
by K.M. Hirosaki ([email protected])
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story and all characters within are copyright (c) 2001-2002 K.M. Hirosaki.
This is the third (and to my intention, final) part in a three-part series. It is written to be able to be enjoyed on its own, though you may benefit from reading the first installments. Please send all commentary to
[email protected]-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Sometimes, when I'd be with Jasper, I could pretend that he and I are the only two folks in the world, and for a few minutes, I could just forgot all of my problems and bask in utter happiness.
That's the corny, cheesy, and completely unbelievable version of things between me and Jasper. Reality was much, much different.
In reality, sometimes, when I'd be with Jasper, my brain would get locked into these loops of paralyzing guilt, doubt, and moral dilemmas. As much as I loved him, and as much as he meant everything to me, things had begun to grow more and more awkward for me by the day. And at times, it was painful just thinking about him, let alone being with him. Because while he was my lover, he was someone else's lover first.
And I mean "first" in the temporal sense. As for "first and foremost," well... that, I'm less sure of. Jasper and Luke: the two huskies who, despite meaning so much to me, were the source of all of my emotional drama. I had a hard time reconciling the fact that Luke was both one of my best friends, and at the same time, was also the mate of the one person who meant more to me than anything else in the world.
Luke was youthful, sexy, and fun to be with. On the occasions that'd we'd be intimate with one another, it never failed to be quite pleasurable, and I did my best to not let myself find it awkward that I was physically involved with him without being emotionally attached. Sometimes that worked; sometimes it didn't. My real connection was with Jasper, anyway.
Jasper was by far the best lover I'd ever had--physically, emotionally, and on every other level. He was the same age as Luke, but for some reason, he came across as being older and more... not world-weary, exactly, but just gave the impression of having seen a lot more than Luke had. And like I've said, my love for him was unbearable at times. I wanted to believe that things were still nice and perfect between us, despite Luke being in the equation. Except that, well, I wasn't sure I was believing that anymore.
So here we were, in Jasper's bedroom, where everything had clicked so many months before, and I knew once and for all how I felt about him. And here was Jasper, looking at me with those lovely blue eyes of his, and I knew at once that my emotions were showing through plainly on my face. He reached out with one his soft, white-furred paws and stroked my cheek gently. "You're worried about something, honey, aren't you?"
I hung my head just a little bit. I wasn't surprised that Jasper was able to read me so well. "I dunno," I replied noncommittally. "I'm just preoccupied, that's all."
Jasper sighed. "I know you well enough to know that that just means you don't want to tell me," he said, taking his hand back and giving me a disapproving look. I met his gaze back and immediately turned my eyes downward again. He had me, and I knew there was no way to fight it.
"It's just that... I'm worried. About us, y'know?"
This time, Jasper put his paw out onto my shoulder and tipped my chin up with his other hand so that I was looking him in the eyes. His handsome features looked all the more endearing with the look of genuine, legitimate concern awash on his face. "Shon," he said, "I'm only going to ask one more time for you to tell me what's wrong. After that, I'm just going to take your word for it that things are all right until you tell me otherwise." An ultimatum. A nice one, but still an ultimatum. He didn't want to play this game with me.
I didn't want to play it with him, either. "I'm afraid of losing you," I said, my voice barely a whisper. "You mean so much to me, and I want you to be happy, but..."
One of his fingers traced its way along the side of my lupine muzzle, not sensually, but reassuringly. "But what, dear? Tell me what's on your mind."
I took a deep breath and swallowed, collecting my thoughts, focusing them, and trying to figure out what to say. "I'm afraid," I said again, "that my place in your life is only going to cause problems further down the line."
Jasper put both of his arms around my back and pulled my close to him. I let my head rest up against his chest and I breathed hard and fast, almost panicking as I waited to hear what he had to say. "Oh, honey," he said, petting the fur between my ears, "you don't need to worry. We've been over this before."
I looked up at him, and he continued. "Things with Luke and I are fine. He's okay with your being with me like this. And he's promised me that if he has any problems, he'll tell me. So please, don't worry anymore," he said, lifting my head up and giving me a kiss on the side of my muzzle.
Sure, Luke might not have had problems, per se, but he also didn't know how deeply I felt about Jasper. At least, I was pretty sure he didn't know. I hadn't said anything, and I tried not to let on. That was part of my reason for letting myself have sex with Luke, also; if I was close to the both of them, maybe Luke wouldn't think that Jasper was as special to me as he truly was.
But for that matter, maybe Jasper wasn't sure if he was special to me, for the exact same reasons.
I pulled myself back up, supporting myself on my forepaws and staring into Jasper's face. He smiled at me, and then that smile turned into a confused look. "You okay, Shon? Honestly?" he asked.
I opened my mouth, ready to confess everything right then and there, wanting more than anything to just let Jasper know just how goddamn much he meant to me and how I wanted to spent the rest of my life by his side, interweaving all of his joys and his sadnesses with my own. But when I tried to get the words out, nothing came. I wasn't ready to tell him. Not yet. Not in words. Instead, I leaned forward and put my mouth to his ear and whispered to him. "I want you to have me," I said. A little bit of a double meaning there, and not smoothly delivered at all, but thinking straight wasn't really working.
Jasper rubbed the length of his snout against mine and gave me a chaste little kiss. "Right here, right now, you mean?" he asked with a happy, playful smirk on his canine muzzle. It was good to see that he was still agreeable enough to let me turn an awkward situation into a more pleasant one.
I slipped a paw down and cupped his crotch through his jeans, squeezing nice and hard. "Right here, right now," I parroted back, mirroring his grin and nipping at his neck with my front teeth. He let out a muffled sigh as I grabbed him, and I felt his body react to the touch.
Both of Jasper's hands found their way to my sides, and the husky used his sharp claws to scratch hard up and down along my body to be felt through my shirt. I tilted my head back as I leaned forward still, staring up into his eyes as flicked the tip of of my tongue out of the front of my mouth. Skipping any pretense and ceremony, I unzipped his fly and plunged my hand into his pants, then quickly pulled his cock out from his boxers and out into the open. Already, he was mostly hard and out of his sheath. I winked at him as I rubbed my thumb down over his slit, spreading a droplet of precum down to the ridge of his glans, where I moved my thumb from side to side.
Jasper still just rubbed and scritched my back and sides, his eyes closing partway as he flashed me a smile that seemed to be made of a cross between love and lust--the kind of expression that I, at least, knew I was making for him on my own face. My index finger and thumb formed a circle just below his head as his cock finished swelling to its maximum. I stroked his long, pink shaft slowly and evenly, tickling it with the bristly fur of my wolfish paw. The husky took one of his hands off of my back and unsnapped the button on his jeans to afford himself some more comfort.
"That feels good, doesn't it, hon?" I asked wryly. I knew that Jasper liked it when I'd speak all teasingly to him while we did things to one another. And I got the reaction I wanted, because he just nodded with a light rrfing sound, and another sizeable drizzle of pre slid its way down his length. My muzzle went down and I licked my way up his shaft with my tongue tip, teased momentarily at his slit, and pulled back with a loud contented moan to let him know how good I thought he tasted.
Carefully, Jasper took hold of the bottom of my shirt and pulled upward. I lifted my arms up and let him take it off. The husky ran one of his paws through the light gray fur on my chest, then tweaked one of my nipples hard between two of his claws. I responded by squeezing his shaft hard in my full paw, using just enough pressure to milk out some more of that wonderful, slippery fluid without causing him pain. He quickly flung his own shirt up over his head and tossed over the side of the bed.
I leaned forward, poking the tip of my muzzle against the husky's warm, fluffy chest, continuing to stroke him as his cock got nice and slick in my paw. I found one of his nipples and let my long, wet tongue slurp over it before I sucked it into my mouth. Tenderly, I sucked at it, and Jasper stroked the back of my head and neck slowly, holding me ever-so-gently against his chest. My grip on his erection loosened, and I began to run the flat of my pawpad up and down the underside of his shaft. I could feel Jasper fumble with the catch on my pants with one hand, so I angled myself to the side in order to allow him more room. His paws spilled down the back of my head and neck over and over again, and I bit down on the nipple between my teeth. Jasper let out a sharp, hissing gasp as his entire body tensed up, momentarily freezing his movements.
After I released my bite on his hard, sensitive nipple, Jasper succeeded in getting my pants open, and I closed my eyes as I felt his paw slip down and cup my warm, full sheath. His fingers wormed around independently of one another, sending pulses of pleasure through me and coaxing my length up into the open. When he had me at full hardness, he put his paws up on my shoulders and pushed me back into an upright position. "We need to get these off of you, wolfy," he said to me as he pushed back further, carefully forcing me onto my back. I looked up into his face as he gazed down at me, his paws hooking on the inside of the waist of my pants.
With a fluid motion, he pulled my pants off fully, leaving my stiff cock still trapped in my underwear. Next, he squirmed and got himself out of his own jeans, leaving it so that we mirrored each other, wearing nothing but boxers. He slipped his boxers off as he stretched his body out to lean over me. I took in the sight of his handsome naked form, alternating between staring into his wonderful face, and staring down at his dripping cock, its pink shape standing out against the white fur of his belly. Jasper wasn't so well-endowed that it was frightening or anything, but he was pleasantly above average in size.
Jasper lowered himself down and kissed me, our muzzles locking deeply, my frustrated passion flaring up all throughout my being. He pawed and rubbed at my sides, our bodies wriggling together, my slick cock sliding back and forth against his. I let out a longing whimper as he broke off our kiss far too soon, and he slid himself back. He crawled back over the mattress, pulling my shorts off as he went. They caught on one of my hindclaws, but with a quick flick, the husky got them free and threw them aside. He gave my foot a tiny tickle and drew himself forward again, bringing his head up between my legs. He looked up in my eyes, winked once, then gripped the base of my cock between his fingers, holding it still as he slid his muzzle down onto my length.
My head went back and I took a loud, deep breath as my senses took a second or so to catch up with themselves. Jasper moved his flexible canine tongue around slowly and carefully, getting my cock all wet with saliva. His tongue worked in repeated spiraling motions around my shaft, and he suckled lightly on me as he went. He was methodical, calculated, relaxed; he was careful not to overstimulate me, and his leisurely attentions gave the impression that he could go on doing this all day and be perfectly content. I lay perfectly still, doing nothing except for letting out the occasional quiet moan, and just let myself bask and revel in the sensation of having Jasper tend to me attentively with his mouth.
The pleasure had made me almost numb to everything else, and so when Jasper finally pulled his muzzle up off of me, it took me a few moments for me to realize he had stopped. I propped myself up on the tips of my elbows and looked down at him. He was leaning forward on his forepaws, looking up and down over the length of my body. One of his paws grabbed at my furry sack for a split second, then rested on the inside of my thigh. "Roll over onto your stomach, honey," he said. I immediately did as I was told, my tail wagging slowly behind me.
I heard Jasper fish through his nightstand drawer for a few seconds. I then heard the sound of the cap of the bottle of lube being popped off, and I released a deep breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. One of Jasper's fingertips pressed up underneath my tail, the cold sensation of the lube sending a chill up my spine. The fur along my back stood on end for a moment, and I did my best to relax myself. No sooner had I thought that then I felt one of Jasper's slippery digits slip up inside of me, causing a jolt of minor discomfort as he spread my ring open. He twisted his finger back and forth as he probed it in and out, getting me nice and lubed up on the inside before he added a second finger to the first. I bit down on my comforter until the stretching sensation passed, then I allowed myself to enjoy the feeling of his fingers moving around inside of me.
"Do you think you're ready?" Jasper asked, leaving his fingers in place in case I might still be too tight.
I lifted my head up from the mattress and nodded. "I think so," I answered, and my tail wagged all on its own. Looking back over my shoulder, I saw Jasper stroke his hardness up with some more lube, and so I lay back forward, spreading my legs just a little more. His fingers withdrew, and he held me spread open with one paw on my rump as he leaned stretched out over me. The tip of his cock prodded up under my tail, his hands gripping my shoulders. He pet me softly on the back of my head a few times, and then I felt him begin to press in. The head slipped in easily, and then I shifted slightly as his shaft began to sink in behind it.
A dull moan rumbled out of my half-open muzzle at the feeling of Jasper's canine member entering me. He kept on petting me, trying to relax and sooth me as he worked his way deeper with short, tiny thrusts. I let out a yip as a twinge of split-second pain as his cock moved inside me at a somewhat odd angle. Jasper pulled back an inch or so and held still. I simply nodded and tried to raise my rear a bit, to let him know that I was still ready to take the rest of him. He gave my shoulder a squeeze and bore down into me again, and I treated my husky to a pleasure-filled moan as I felt him push deeper.
He was lodged almost the entire way within me. "How's that?" he asked, kissing the tip of one of my ears.
I pressed my body against the mattress and lifted my hips a little, forcing the last part of his shaft to sink the rest of its way inside of me. "How's *that*?" I asked right back, my voice not even fully in my throat, as my body was still adjusting to having him inside me. The warm breath from Jasper's quiet laughter tickled my ears, and he lay over me for a while, unmoving, letting me acclimate.
A space of echoing heartbeats later, Jasper began to pull out. His cock was warm and slick, and moved with progressive ease as his hips cycled up and down. He held onto my upper arms as he built up a comfortable lovemaking rhythm. I closed my eyes and nestled my face down into the pillows, muffling my breathing as I let all of my senses focus on my body and Jasper's. The scent of our warm bodies tingled in my nose, and pheromones conveying raw sexuality hit at something far more primal and undescribable.
For that moment, the only thing I was aware of was him and me. And in that moment, I could do nothing but hope that the same held true for Jasper... that for that one moment, I might be the only thing on his mind... that for that one moment, the only thing important to him was me.
My wandering thoughts suddenly lashed back into reality as his cock hit firmly at my prostate, and I squeaked out a happy, pleasure-laden whimper. His thrusts were still long, full, and slow, and so I did my best to move my own hips back to meet his as he took me lovingly. My body trembled all over as it tried to make sense of the conflicting sensations of intense physical pleasure and pure psychological content. I stopped caring, though; I just wanted it all to last.
Jasper pulled himself closer to my body, kissing the back of my head, simultaneously allowing him to penetrate deeper into my now not-so-tight hole. I tried raising my rear up high to meet him and I mustered up all the concentration I could to speak. "Fuck me harder," I said, sounding almost like I were begging. And in a sense, I was. But he responded by upping his pace, his cock pumping into me a little bit faster and a little bit harder.
I moaned approvingly, and he must have taken it as a good sign, because he kicked his pace up yet another notch. It was wonderful, having him thrust into me, my body bucking up into his, my cock rubbing against the bedding. Jasper's claws dug into the skin on my arms, and I could tell that he was using a good amount of restraint to keep himself from giving in to the call of lust. But I wanted him to--I wanted to feel him slamming into me, to feel his cock pound into me again and again as he was taken over by that raw drive that blocked out everything except for the desire to mate with me.
Like he had read my mind or something, he suddenly began to fuck into my rear harder than I could recall him ever doing before. His claws curled inwards into my shoulders, and I could smell faintly that he had drawn blood. His thick canine shaft pounded into me over and over, and I couldn't tell if I was moaning out Jasper's name, or just unintelligible sounds. The rhythm of his movements grew more and more unsteady as he took me harder, and my body spasmed and clenched around his member as it drove back and forth.
With a slight grunt as his own warning, Jasper hit his climax. He didn't stop, however, and I could feel his sticky juices spurt out onto the back of my balls, in the cleft of my rump, and the outside of my hole as he kept thrusting while he came. His breath was ragged, and I felt his heart thudding in his chest as he collapsed onto my back, the shaft of his messy, spent cock resting in between my cheeks. I curled my tail to one side as I caught my breath, my pulse racing as my body tried to readjust to the sudden lack of sensations spilling through it.
Jasper kissed me on the cheek, petting down my sides repeatedly. He then stuck one of his hands underneath my chest, then rolled over so we were both on our sides. His head angled up over my shoulder and he stared down at the bedsheets, and then at my still-hard cock. "You didn't get off yet," he said, making it a plain observation. It was a fair one to have made; sometimes I would get off just by having him fuck me.
My heartbeat wavered as my pulse changed yet again, because Jasper reached down and squeezed my shaft hard in his paw and began to stroke me frantically. I craned my head backwards into the crook of Jasper's neck and bowed my spine back as my body writhed. He didn't let up, though; he slipped his paw down between my legs, scooping up some of his own spent juices onto his fingers, and then used them on my cock as he jerked me off.
His paw slipped along my length with incredible speed, holding me practically paralyzed as he toyed with me in his grasp. My muzzle gaped open as I did my best to gasp for air between whimpers and moans and yelps. With the combination of my juices and his, he was able to bear down hard on my shaft and still stroke quickly, causing a massive amount of friction. I held my eyes shut and waited for release to hit me.
Not long after, it did. My orgasm hit my body full-on, and I shouted wordlessly as the head of my cock erupted. The first spurt splattered onto Jasper's paw, and then he gripped me down at my base. The rest of my seed fired out hard, clear off the edge of the bed as he held my cock firmly while I emptied myself. I was dizzy, and the room spun for several endless seconds before I was able to lie still on my back without feeling like I would fall somewhere.
I lay there with Jasper, his arms around me, holding me close. It was a position we'd been in many times before, but that didn't detract from it making me feel wonderful to be with him like I was. The minutes went on, and I basked wantonly in the afterglow, knowing that it was going to end, but just enjoying it like it would last forever anyway. Jasper scritched at my chest and prodded the back of my head with his muzzle, and I breathed easy with a big smile of content. This was how I wanted things to always be.
The red light of the digital clock on Jasper's nightstand reminded me of the unfortunately fact that Luke was going to be home sometime soon, probably in an hour or so. I rolled over in Jasper's strong arms and gave him a kiss on the nose. "We should probably get cleaned up and stuff, before... you know..."
Jasper kissed me back, this time on the mouth. "Maybe," he said. "We don't have to, if you want to just lie here or something," he offered.
I could feel the tears well up behind my eyes, but they didn't start to flow just yet. "But, I mean... what about Luke?" I asked.
"What about him?" Jasper asked. "It's not like he doesn't know that we do this."
I shook my head. Why did this have to be so fucking difficult for me? "No, that's not it... I..."
Jasper tilted his head. "Are you embarrassed about being seen like this or something?" He sounded curious.
Now I really did want to cry, but I didn't let myself. "No, you're not getting it!" I blurted out, almost yelling and immediately regretting it. "It's like... it's like what we're doing is wrong!"
This time, Jasper was the one to look upset. "Wrong? Whatever do you think is 'wrong' about any of this?" His feelings sounded hurt.
"It's just..." A few tears had pooled at the bottoms of my eyes now. "I don't want to pull away from you, but I don't want to hurt Luke, either, because he's my friend, too, and everything with the three of us is...." I wanted to scream or something, because I knew that I was just babbling and couldn't just speak my mind. What I felt about everything seemed so simple and so complicated all at the same time.
Finally, I got frustrated enough to break through any hesitation. "Do you love me?" I asked Jasper, one of my paws down at his hip.
Jasper ran his paw over one of my ears and sighed. "I'm a little hurt that you'd even think you had to ask that, honey," he said softly. "You should know that I do."
I was crying now. It was light and soundless, and I don't know if it was because of happiness or despair, but I was crying. "But what about Luke? Isn't he..."
"My mate?" Jasper finished for me. "Yes. And I love him. Is there a rule somewhere that says I can't love more than one person?" he asked, trying to make it sound like a joke.
I shook my head. "No, but..."
Jasper cut me off again. "Look, I love you," he said, "and I want you to know how much I mean that." I stared back into his face, the tears still silently running down over my cheeks. "And just because I love you doesn't mean that I have to love Luke any less, or vice-versa. That's just how it is."
I believed him. And not just because I wanted to believe him, or because what he said made sense. As much as our situation didn't make sense, I still believed him, and I hugged him closer to me. "I hope you don't have a problem with that," Jasper asked me, sounding like his typical self.
"I don't, no," I replied, kissing him lovingly. I knew now that our weird little relationship was workable, but there was one very important matter still left. "But does Luke have a problem with it?" I asked.
Jasper's eyes turned a shade more serious. "I hope not," he replied. "I'd like to think that he understands how things are between you and me."
I pulled away a bit, to give myself more room to breathe and more room to get a look at his face. "Well, have you told him that you love me?" I asked.
"No," he replied, and he sounded ashamed of that. "And I should, I know." He went quiet after that. I knew that whatever he was feeling at that moment must have been to strange and too awkward to put into words, so I didn't push for them. I just held him gently and then sat up on the edge of the bed, gathering my clothes from the floor.
I think Jasper got nervous at seeing me get ready to leave. "I'm not going to hide this from him, Shon," he said.
"I know, hon," I replied. "But until Luke knows exactly what the two of us entail, I'd rather he not have to see us like this."
Jasper sat up naked on the bed, watching me as I got dressed. "I take it you're not going to hang around, then?"
I shook my head. "No. I'd rather give you guys time to yourselves. You'll probably need a lot of time to get things explained right and..." I trailed off. There was nothing I could say about that particular subject that Jasper didn't already know. And he responded just by nodding.
"On the chance that Luke... doesn't respond well," I said, "just... don't spare his happiness for mine, okay? He was here first, after all."
Jasper nodded again. I think, for the first time, I was seeing him afraid, in self-doubt. But I knew that he'd find a way to bring himself to do the right thing. He'd talk to Luke, and then we'd all see how things went from there.
I turned and walked out of Jasper's apartment and began my way home.
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Four days later, my fox friend Dijit and I were out having a round of drinks together at a small bar that we'd both recently started going together again. Except Dijit wasn't being very talkative tonight. I didn't know if it was because he was bothered by something, or if it was because I was a lousy conversation partner on part of my being so spaced out.
I still hadn't heard back from Jasper... or Luke. I had to assume that Jasper had at least had his little "talk" with him. But in the meantime, I had been in the dark.
I was concerned, granted. But four days wasn't such a long time as to be *too* worried. Maybe Jasper and Luke still needed time to sort things out. Maybe they needed time to reassess their relationship with each other in order to see if that could accommodate for me or not. Or maybe Luke had just been completely unwilling to accept that idea that Jasper could love someone else. I had no idea.
And I wish I did know, but that would have to come later, I figured. I was still confused, doubtful, and worried about the two of them, just like I had always been the entire time I had known them both. And just like that entire time, I was still wondering, more than anything else, if my love for Jasper was something that could be returned freely.
I was still wondering. The difference now was that I wasn't completely hopeless to the prospect that the answer might be "yes."