FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

'Okay, okay, try this one... She sells seashells by the seashore.' 'She sells sheahe-... She sells seashellsh by tshe... Fuck...' 'Whahahaha! Let's try a different one. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.' 'Peter Piper pecked a pick of pic- Wait... Peter Piper pecked a pick of peckled pickled peppers? Was that any good?' 'Nope.' 'Peter Piper picked a peck of... Stuff.' 'Close enough. Hehehe...'

The soft cool breeze of a summer's night was waving through my long hair... The full moon was shining bright and not a cloud was seen in the starry night sky... The sound of the waves hitting the shores was the only thing we heard as the water of the ocean reflected the stars and the moon on its sparkly surface... It was a wonderful sight, I can tell you that... I was wearing my flip-flops but the moment Terry and I were walking on the beach, I took them off and felt the cool sand between my toes... The beach is so much different at night... So much more serene... So much more like a dream... Terry and I just strolled along the beach at night while we were supposed to go out to meet friends of Terry... But we called it off and made a stroll on the beach instead... The two of us have been walking for a long time and sometimes, we just sat down in the sand, watching the scenery or to talk or... Well, you know... And even though we've been walking for many hours, it felt as if time hardly passed by... I guess that's what you're supposed to feel when you're in love... To spend time with each other forever... And yet it still was too short...

Terry showed me how to skip stones across the water... Of course, I sucked at it... Mine just sank straight to the bottom... You need to give them a spin the moment you let go but I just didn't get the hang of it... So we started walking again... At some point, he took my hand and told me he had something to show me... I followed him, not knowing where we were going... We carefully made our way through the dense foliage when all of a sudden, he held his hands before my eyes and guided me to wherever we were going... I asked him where we were going but he said that I would see it when we got there... When he told me to stop, he removed his hands and what I saw looked like something straight out of a romantic movie... He took me to a lagoon with crystal clear blue water, surrounded by rocks and dense foliage... And it was very beautiful to see... The lagoon itself was fairly large, but it wasn't deep... The palm-trees were gently waving in the wind as we made our way closer to the water... The sight of the lagoon was so breathtaking to see at night... 'Wow...' 'Hehehe...' 'I didn't even know it existed... How'd you know about this place...?' 'I used to come down here all the time when I was little. I don't think many people know this place because of all the dense foliage. Or they do but can't be bothered to make their way through all the bushes. My friends and I discovered this place by accident when we were little...' 'This is beautiful...' 'Yeah, it is...'

I sat on a rock and placed my flip-flops next to me as I stared at the beautiful scenery... I lowered my feet in the water and the temperature was just right... Seeing the starry night being reflected in the water was just so beautiful to see... Terry sat behind me and lowered his feet in the water as well as he embraced me, gently kissing my neck... I placed my hands on his knees and slowly rubbed my feet against his as Terry rubbed his muzzle against mine... And even though everything seemed to be so perfect, I couldn't help myself to think that I had to talk to him, even though I didn't want to ruin the moment... But the longer we sat there, the more it became of an issue to me... 'Terry...?' 'Yeah, babe...?' 'Do you remember the night where you asked me countless of questions...?' 'Yeah...?' 'I've got questions for you as well... And I want you to answer them truthfully...' 'Is this something like Truth or Dare...?' 'Something like that, yes...' 'Fire away... Hehehe...'

Where was I gonna start...? I had so many questions that I just didn't know what to ask him first... After a moment of silence, I figured I had to ask him something that I've always wanted to know but it was also one of the most difficult questions for me to ask... 'How was it like...?' 'How was what like...?' 'Whenever you slept with a girl...? How did she made you feel...?' 'You honestly want to know...?' 'Yes...'

Terry scraped his throat and chuckled nervously... He obviously wasn't used to a question like this, especially not from his girlfriend who'd ask him about his previous "adventures"... 'Well... This is kind of awkward, you know...' 'It's okay, you can tell me...' 'Uh...' 'What did she do to make you feel good...?' 'Hehe... Uh... Well, you know... The usual...' 'Which is...?' 'U-Uh... Like, uh... blowjobs or... a footjob or... handjobs...' 'Okay... Go on...' 'Teasing me with her feet or... You know...' 'And what did you do to her...?' 'I really don't think tha-' 'Please, tell me... It's okay...' 'Uh... Fingering her or... going down on her... Massaging her or... kissing her... Playing with her feet... I love doing that...' 'Did sex ever meant anything special to you...?' 'Uh... Yeah, it always was just a lot of fun...' 'Well, that's the most important, right...?' 'Sure is...' 'Do you miss it...? I mean... Spending some time alone with a girl...?' 'I'm alone with you now, right...?' 'No, that's not what I mean... I mean... Do you miss having sex...?' 'Honestly...?' 'Yes...?' 'Yes, I really miss that...'

"That's what I thought..." Did I miss it...? Yes, to a certain degree... Realizing that Terry gave it all up just like that for me was something that made me feel really special... But I also didn't understand why he would give that all up... I know how much it means to him... But to him, sex is just a way to have fun... And why shouldn't it be...? Does romance really need to be the key to make love to someone else...? To be passionate...? It's called making love, doesn't it...? The name says it all... At the time, I didn't know the differences... All I knew for certain was that I kept him away from something he loved doing the most... Pleasing other girls... Having fun with them... I thought about it many times before and I just didn't know the answer... I always thought that I had to let him do what he wanted the most... And if that meant I had to share him with a "special girl", well, so be it... Even if that meant that "special girl" wasn't supposed to be me... 'I know how much it means to you, Terry... But to me, it's just very difficult...' 'I know it is...' 'I've thought about this many times, you know...' 'Eh?' 'And... I just want you to know that if... if it really does mean a lot to you, you can sleep with other girls if that's what you want...' 'Wow, uh... You serious...?' 'Well...' 'You are, aren't you...?' 'Yes... I want to know when that happens, Terry... Make sure the two of you are on the same line about it... Be honest to me... And I'd like to be there when it happens if that's okay with her...' 'Uh... Aren't you supposed to be jealous when that happens or...?' 'No, I wouldn't have a reason to be... Because I know you'd come back to me if you really love me... That's all I ask... I trust you to...' 'Dude... If I really love you, I'd wait until the time is right... I mean, I appreciate the trust in me but I gave that all up to be with you and now you want me to...? I mean, isn't that a little contradicting...?' 'Not if you're being honest about it...' 'It wouldn't feel right, you know... Especially when you are watching...' 'What about Nicole...?' 'What about her...?' 'She's very beautiful...' 'Why the hell are you doing this?' 'What do you mean...?' 'Why the hell are you always doing this? I mean, what, is this some kind of a test or something? To see how far you can go? For fuck's sake, Ceylan...'

He got up and stood on the edge of the lagoon, staring in the water... "What'd I say...?" I thought it was very straight forward... If he had sex with Nicole, I'd be watching and I might learn a thing or two... But that was obviously not gonna work, judging his reaction... I always thought that my view on sex and everything was different but once again, it was made clear that not everyone shared the same thoughts as I did... I looked at Terry but he just didn't look back at me... 'You can't expect someone else to take your place, just for sex... It wouldn't feel right and I just can't... I don't want any of that... I want it with you... And I can wait for as long as it takes... I thought that was perfectly clear by now...' 'It doesn't have to be Nicole, you know...' 'That's not the point! You always want to talk about sex and everything and by now, you made it perfectly clear what you want...! And I know, Ceylan... I know you need time but you're just...' 'I'm what...?' 'You're just driving me insane by doing that...'

That certainly was not what I expected to hear... Especially coming from his mouth... I've always told Samantha that sex was not mandatory but now I had the feeling that it was... And I just didn't know how to see the differences... 'I'm sorry... I didn't mean it like that...' 'I just don't understand you...' 'I'm not sure if I understand it as well...' 'I just don't get it! I mean, why the hell are you doing this?! What you're doing just doesn't make any sense to me!'

Terry was right... It didn't make any sense... How the hell was I supposed to know what was right to do...? I didn't expect Terry to understand... But at least he had to know the truth about me... Why I was like that, why everything is so different with me... Why it's so difficult... I used to think it were other people's fault but I realized I had no one else to blame but me... For misunderstanding pretty much everything... Was I ashamed...? Yes, of course I was... I always thought that I finally understood everything about it and yet it proved to be more complicated than I ever imagined... And then all of a sudden, it struck me... If I were to deal with the problem, I had to take it to the source... The cause of all this... The cause of all those confusions and insecurities... Terry knew I had so much difficulty with it but he never knew why... All of a sudden, it felt as if I had a chunk stuck in my throat for realizing I had to tell him... To finally let it all go... But that was so difficult, I just didn't know where to start... So it stayed silent for a while until I broke the silence... 'Terry... I, uh... I-I don't expect you to understand... I mean... I always had a different view on things b-but you see... I don't... I-I mean... Oh, fuck...'

All of a sudden, I felt so nauseous... I didn't know how I was ever going to tell him... But I realized that I had to, in an attempt to make him understand... I noticed my left hand started to shake and I opened my mouth to speak up my mind but I just couldn't... Feeling so helpless and so powerless was something I often felt but nothing ever felt so hopeless and so desperate that night... I wished that night could've had a different ending while we were at the lagoon... A romantic one, if you will... But somewhere, I always knew that I would never have my romantic ending... If I told him, Terry would leave me for being a whore... And why shouldn't he...? He can get so much better... I looked at him and I never felt so ashamed in my life before... I saw the look in his eyes and I felt a tear going down my cheek out of pure frustration and fear... I started to panic on the inside again... And somehow, Terry just knew that I was... 'Why are you never honest to me about the things that are bothering you, babe...?' 'I am being honest... It's just difficult for me to express it...' 'Trying to find the right words or having trouble with the language or...?' 'No, that's not it...' 'Then what is...?' 'There are several things you need to know about me, Terry... And you're not gonna like it...'

I felt as if I was going to cry any second... The more I tried to hold it back, the worse it became... Memories floated up that I'd rather forget... Memories I've kept to myself for so long... Things that no one knows about me and what it did to me... The only one who knows is Blain... But I had to tell Terry, no matter how difficult it was going to be... To save what I had with him... With the tears running down my cheeks and with a tremble in my voice, I started to talk... What happened to me when I was sixteen years old... Staying at Mikaela's place for the night when she had that "little get-together..." And maybe Mikaela was just as fucked up as I was... Or at least, I was becoming like her... It wasn't a secret that Mikaela used drugs... I did too whenever she offered me but nearly not as much as she did... She was stoned most of the time whenever I saw her... Whenever I had sex with her... I gave her the wrong impression that night even though I had no idea how she could have ever interpreted it wrong... I didn't want to... And somehow, she just knew... So she used GHB instead... Or rape drug, as they call it... I felt so sick and nauseous that I went to Mikaela's bedroom to lie down... It was the start of the longest night I'll ever have... Something that totally shattered my dignity...

Even today, it's still very difficult for me to talk about it even though it's been so many years... So my story to Terry was very short... I didn't tell him everything... I only told him what happened to me that night... I told him how helpless I felt, how ashamed and so fucking disgusted that it ever happened... I had so much anger and so much grief about it... So many things to yell about... And all Terry did was looking at me, while he was still standing... He became a statue... Almost emotionless as he just stared down on me as his eyes filled with disgust... As if I was revolting... And yet, he sat next to me... Asked me all kind of questions... Did I go to the police, did my parents know, did they arrest the guys who did it... I said yes to everything even though I was lying through my teeth about it... Which is why I didn't had the guts to face him even though he put an arm around my shoulder while he gently wiped the tears from my eyes... 'I don't know what to say...' 'I don't expect you to say anything... But... Now you know why it's always been so difficult for me... I mean... If someone always told you that the sky is red for years and someone else tells you one day that the sky is blue, who are you going to believe...? What's to believe...? You trust on your own intuition and your instincts to find out and yet... it still doesn't always work that way...' 'Heh...' 'And sex... Heh... It's always been a big deal to me... It's always been difficult for me to be intimate with males and it always will be... Which is why I ask all these questions to you, simply because I just don't know any better...' 'Heh...' 'It's also the reason why I never had a boyfriend before... Why I treat guys like shit and pretty much everyone who tries to get close to me gets on my bad side... I don't mean to tease you or whatever it is you think that I'm trying to pull off... I'm just trying to find answers for myself... Except it's not that easy... It took control of my life... It's taking control of everything and I don't want that anymore...'

Terry stayed quiet after that... Like he said, he just didn't know what to say to me... He sat next to me but wasn't embracing me anymore... I understand... Terry was afraid to do something to upset me but truth be told, all I needed was an arm around my shoulder and I felt even more miserable when he didn't... And that hurt me the most... I felt more fucked up then I ever felt before... I let the tears run down my face, sobbing quietly as he just sat there... And I waited... Waited for a sign of affection or a sign of comfort he used to give me... But he didn't... The whole scenery didn't look so beautiful anymore... Now that I told him, Terry was even more holding back than he already was and that wasn't what I needed... What I needed was more of the same... I thought that by telling him, things would be different for us... So that he would finally understand what it takes for him to be intimate with me... I think he did... But I didn't think he would be willing to go through all that...

On the way back to my house, the two of us stayed quiet... I calmed down, yes, but that wasn't enough to make me feel any better... I reached my hand out to his and gently caressed the fur on the palm of his hand with the tips of my fingers... Terry looked at me and held my hand while I looked back at him... 'You okay, dude...?' 'No, not really...' 'Do you feel relieved for telling me or...?' 'No...' 'What else is on your mind then...?' 'I don't want to lose you, Terry... But it feels as if I just lost everything by telling you...' 'You didn't...' 'You still wanna carry on...? Even after everything I told you...?' 'It's not your fault that it happened, you know... I know it must've been difficult to talk about it and yes, it came as a shock but I'm glad you did because I don't wanna do anything to upset you...' 'You don't, that's the thing... I don't want you to treat me any different because of it... The things that you do makes all the difference there is... And it feels wonderful... I just can't describe it...' 'So what about sex...?' 'What about it...?' 'You said you want to... Does that mean you want me to treat you differently on that...?' 'I don't want you to treat me any different... You say it likes its two separate things... But it's not... It's called making love, isn't it...?' 'Yeah but there are many different ways to make love to each other... I would just like to know how you see it...' 'I wish I knew...'

And so, it stayed silent... As I remembered our previous talks, I thought that this would be my closure... But that night, nothing was certain and the fear of losing him never felt so horrible... It's a lot easier for me to sleep with a girl even though that wasn't always a pleasurable experience as well... The way Terry portrayed it was that he always enjoyed it very much, as if he never had a bad experience before... When I asked him what the girls thought of it, well... He just simply said that he never had any complaints... You might think it's strange that I asked him about his sex experiences with other girls and I wouldn't blame you; he thought the exact same thing... But you have to understand that I just didn't know any better back then... It was up to me to find out but I realized if I had to make it work, I couldn't do it on my own even though I tried to for so long... But I also realized that this was something I couldn't do on my own... And as for Terry... Well... It's not that difficult for Terry to get laid... Most girls are practically waiting in line for him and I didn't think it was anything strange that they were... There's something about Terry that's just plain irresistible, besides his charming character... I don't know what it is... I wasn't feeling jealous whenever I asked him about it... I actually felt more insecure to make him feel the way other girls made him feel by comparing them with me... When I asked him if he ever felt nervous, he said that he never really was... But the moment the two of us started to talk about sex on the way back home, I really had the feeling that he was feeling nervous about it... I'll never know the real reason for that but I think it's because it always had been so easy for him and with me, it wasn't... All the fuzz we had about it, all the fights and arguments made him feel even more nervous because sex was anything but easy for him with me... And now that I told him, he was even more on his toes to make sure he didn't do anything to upset me... Terry had no idea what to expect with me... And truth be told, neither did I...

Terry and I talked about sex but Terry slowly managed to changed the subject to what I told him... I talked to him... And for the first time in my life, I had the feeling as if someone was truly listening to me... While I was talking, I cried quietly... I had moments where I became angry... It felt as if I was riding some emotional rollercoaster with lots of corkscrews and loopings if you know what I mean... I just had no idea what to think of it... The whole evening was just turned upside down by it... By the time the two of us reached my house, the mood was very glum and it stayed silent for a moment while I wasn't looking at him... 'I'm sorry... I truly am...' 'Sorry for what...?' 'For ruining your evening... I didn't mean to...' 'That's okay... No worries...' 'Heh... Go out with your friends, Terry... I'm sure they'll be much more of a better company than I am...' 'I think they're long gone now...' 'Oh...' 'It's gonna be okay...' 'I know...'

Terry gave me a big firm hug and a kiss on the cheek... And even though he said he wouldn't treat me any different now that he knew, Terry still did... I didn't want that... The moment he turned around to walk away, I saw everything flashing before my eyes again in just a blink of an eye... The moment he turned away to make the long walk back home again, I felt as if it would be the end of everything... I've seen it happening before and now I was seeing it again... It was all happening right in front of my eyes... He wouldn't come back once he turned around... I didn't come this far to give up just like that... Not this time... Not now I was so close to it... And then, all of a sudden, I got hold of his hand as Terry stopped and faced me... 'I-I know I can be very needy... I know I can be pushy... And... I know I'm far from being perfect... But all the more reason that I need you the most... Please, don't leave me, Terry... I don't wanna be alone... Not tonight... I need you...'

I felt as if I was begging... Or maybe it was a last desperate cry to save what was left... I could see that Terry was hesitating... I could see that Terry had enough... And yet... He looked me in the eyes and something about it made me feel safe... As if not everything was lost... He nodded and quietly whispered that he would stay...

Once we got inside, Terry took a seat in the living-room and I saw that he was nervous about something... He kept twiddling his fingers and looked around the room constantly and I didn't even know what the hell we were supposed to do... I invited him in and then what...? Talk some more...? We already did that bit... 'So, uh... Can I get you a drink...? Or something else...?' 'Uhm... You've got ice-tea...?' 'Of course...'

I made my way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator but there wasn't any ice-tea... I remembered we had a few cartons in the shed outside so I went out to the shed and came back several moments later in the kitchen with a carton of ice-tea. And as I was busy pouring the drinks in glasses, I was able to hear Terry talk quietly to someone... So I stopped what I was doing and listened to him instead... 'No, no, nothing's wrong, mom, it's just... Ceylan's not feeling well so I'm staying with her... Hm...? No, I'm fine, really... It's been a long day and I'm just really tired... Yeah, I'll watch over her... Hm-mm... Alright, see you tomorrow... Love ya too, mom... Goodnight...'

And then it stayed silent... Several moments later, I heard him letting out a deep sigh as I stood in the kitchen with two drinks in my hands... Slowly, I made my way back to the living-room and saw that Terry was supporting his head on his hands, looking down... It wasn't until I placed the drink on the table that he looked up to me and thanked me for the drink... I gave him a quick nod and a weak smile and noticed I had a message on the answering-machine... When I played that message, I heard it was Catherine's voice, telling me how much of a good time Simon and her were having in Managua... Sitting at the pool, going to the beach, shop around, enjoying good food and drinks, exploring the country and getting familiar with the people and the culture... Back then, Simon and Catherine were on vacation for three weeks but I wasn't able to come along seeing as I had college that I had to attend... Catherine always called whenever they were gone and she kept telling me that she misses me and that I would talk to her soon... Normally, whenever I missed a call, I called her back on her mobile phone but that night, I wasn't in the mood to call back... Once the message was done playing, I deleted it and sat on the couch across Terry...

We looked at each other but not a word was coming out... I wanted to talk but I figured that there was nothing to talk about anymore... Everything has already been said before... Talking about it again would make me repeat myself again... I just didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do... Terry usually always knew what to say but that night, he just didn't know anymore as well... 'It's quite a night, isn't it...?' 'Yeah...' 'I wish there was a way to change everything, Terry... But all this time you've been sticking with me and... I just want to say thank you...' 'Heh...' 'I wish I had the answer to everything and I'm sure this was something you didn't want to know about me but I... I-I just can't pretend anymore to be someone I'm not... This is who I am... And what changed me into this... I can talk about it all I want but it feels as if that'll never solve anything for me... Finding a way to deal with it is just so difficult... But I want you to know that I'm not giving up... I'm not letting it take over my life anymore... And even though you might have different thoughts about it, I-I want you to know that I'm not giving up on you as well... Not now when I've got everything that I always wanted to have... And I hope you still feel the same about it...'

Terry scraped his throat and sighed when he wasn't looking at me... He took a sip from his drink and placed his glass back on the table... 'You know, Ceylan... My mom, she's very fond of you... She says that you're the only girl who ever had a good influence on me... And she says that I changed a lot because of you... She tells me that I'd be a fool to let you go... She's right, I know that... I know you're a very strong girl for dealing with all of these things... You said that people couldn't deal with it once you told them which caused them to leave you... Pretty much everyone who has ever been around you... Which is why I've always told myself that I wouldn't leave you and I'd be by your side, no matter what... But right now, after everything you told me, I'm starting to believe that I'm not nearly as strong as you are and that it's difficult for me to deal with as well... I don't know what to do or what to say...'

It stayed silent for a moment once more when he took a sip from his drink again... I felt a chunk getting stuck in my throat once more as the tears were rolling down my cheek again... I didn't want things to end this way... Not now I've gotten so far... But I had to face reality eventually... 'I-I understand... I mean... M-My burdens are not yours to bear...' 'No, they're not but we're sharing them... And if you're sharing your burdens with me, I'd like to share my blessings with you...' 'What do you mean...?' 'That there's a lot more to life...' 'Heh...' 'We can go out, have fun like we always did, you know...' 'Yeah...' 'That's all there is to it, babe...' 'I know...' 'Not everything has to be a bad experience, Ceylan... Especially not sex...'

I bit my upper lip and tried to think things through while I was looking at him... But I couldn't think... And maybe that was for the best, to avoid letting myself ask questions... Simply not to think of it... For a moment, I hesitated... But then I sat next to him and placed my head on his shoulder as I held him in a firm embrace, shortly followed by a slow, passionate kiss...

For the rest of the evening, we tried to talk about other things but that went a little awkward, since the things that happened that night couldn't be ignored... We gave each other a smile every once in a while but that was it... At around one AM, the two of us made our way upstairs to my room... And as always, I took a shower before going to bed while Terry stayed in my room to watch some TV... Once I locked the door of the bathroom, I took my bra off and stared at myself in the mirror... People who have seen me like this always told me that I look beautiful but what did I think of myself...? There used to be a time where I couldn't look in the mirror without feeling disgusted of what I was seeing... I didn't need to have an opinion of my own, others always had that about me instead... What would Terry's opinion be if he saw me like this...? A bold thought ran through my head but I quickly discarded it... And yet, once I took off my panties, the thought returned...

I was sitting on the bottom of the shower as the streams of hot water ran over my back while thinking things through... "I heard Terry, he said he would watch over me..." The thought never left my mind while I was taking a shower and I thought it all through... I could only speculate on what would happen if I did... And all of a sudden, I realized it and that thought kind of scared me at first... Maybe it was caused by an impulsive thought that this could make everything right... Or at least give it a nudge in the right direction... Thinking about everything that Terry said to me about sex only made that urge stronger... To reveal myself to him like this... I trusted him enough not to take advantage of the situation... I know it wasn't gonna be like last time... Right that very second, I got up and turned the shower off... Once I dried myself off, I grabbed a towel to cover myself up as I threw my underwear in the laundry basket...

I got back in my room and noticed Terry was still watching TV... He seemed to be surprised that I came in my room, only covered by a towel... I stood in front of the mirror and saw in its reflection that Terry was just looking at me... I turned my head and gave him a weak smile while I still firmly clenched on the towel... And then Terry just smiled back at me... I closed my eyes and slowly let the towel down, revealing my bare back all the way down until it fell to the floor... I looked in the mirror and saw Terry's reaction... He was really surprised and just gawped at me... The moment I turned my head and faced him, I gave him a weak smile and slowly turned around to reveal myself... It wasn't until then he got up from my bed and approached me, placing his hands on my waist... 'W-Whoa... Uh... Dude...?' 'You once told me that I could do anything that makes me feel comfortable... And... I-I don't feel uncomfortable being nude in your presence... Just the actions that are supposed to take place next are things I'm not sure about...' 'Heh...' 'It's okay, Terry... I trust you...'

I took his hands and guided them down my waist to my butt-cheeks... The moment I let go and placed my hands on his strong shoulders, his hands were feeling every curve of my upper body and slowly made their way to my small breasts... I gave him a quick nod that it was okay for him to feel them... So he did... His thumbs gently caressed my erect nipples and whispered sweet little things in my ear, like he always did... My hands guided down to his chest, feeling every one of his strong muscles... Feeling that sexy six-pack of his... I looked in his eyes and just saw it... Whatever it was that I was doing, I was still doing it... And just like that, my hand slipped inside his boxer-shorts, feeling between his legs... I've never really explored a male like this before and Terry knew that I didn't... So I guess that moment was very special for the both of us... I gently caressed his fuzzy balls with the tips of my fingers and I just saw in his eyes that he was enjoying every moment of what I was doing... I started to feel a bulge in his boxer-shorts and when my hands went up, Terry looked at me and chuckled quietly at my expression... 'Hehehe... Yeah, I was born lucky...' 'You like it...?' 'Hm-mm...' 'What's that I'm feeling...?' 'That's my knot...' 'What's it for...?' 'It latches inside a female's vagina so that it's not slipping out during intercourse...' 'Oh...'

My hand got hold of the shaft of his penis and gently started to stroke him... Being so naïve about it must've amused Terry... But I was dead-serious and oh so nervous about it... Terry's hands slowly made their way over my stomach and my inner thighs... He caressed them, going up until I felt he was trying to reach out to my vagina... 'Don't...' So he didn't... Instead, his hands went down to caress my inner thighs again... Just a simple word was all it took... 'Terry...?' 'Yeah, babe...?' 'Do you have a problem with nudity...? I-I mean, when you're naked with a girl...?' 'No, not really...' 'Can I pull your boxer-shorts down...?' 'Sure thing...'

My hands moved to his waist and slowly pulled them down... And once he got rid of his underwear, we were looking at each other as if a whole new world opened up for us to explore... And I thought that it was so wonderful... I got down on my bed and told Terry to sit between my legs as I held his stomach and gently caressed his fuzzy abdomen while gently biting his neck-scruff... 'Mmmm...' 'You like that...?' 'Yeah, very much so...'

My hand made its way up to his chest while the other went down to touch him between his legs again... I got hold of the shaft of his penis once more and gently started to stroke up and down while I was gently lick the back of his neck as every once in a while, he sighed quietly... 'What did other girls do with their feet...?' 'Hm...?' 'That's what you mentioned, right...? What you like...?' 'Yeah...' 'Could you show me...?' 'Hehe...'

Terry wanted to get up to sit across but I held him down... Instead, I threw my legs over his shoulders and held on to his stomach to stay upright... I moved my feet over to his face and he gently started to kiss the sole of my right foot... I loved it whenever he did that... He kissed all of my toes and started to lap my footpads... Yes, it tickled but it was really nice the way he did... Once he paid enough attention to both of my feet, I placed my legs back as they were, around him so that he was sitting between my legs... I gently started to rub my feet over his thighs... Terry faced me but I gently kissed him on the cheek and quietly whispered in his ear that it was okay... And then I slowly moved my feet towards his penis, gently rubbing it with my feet... It wasn't until then he got hold of my feet... And he showed me... Made me feel it... Terry leaned back as he gently rubbed my feet up and down against the shaft of his penis... He enjoyed that, he certainly did... When he looked up to me, I saw the smile on his face and that was just so cute to see... I gave him a kiss once more when he moved my feet down... My toes were caressing his fuzzy balls while my soles were touching his shaft... Seeing him like this was so cute to see... Stroking and caressing his penis with my feet was something he really enjoyed... And at some point, he let go of my feet... I had to take it from there... Touching the tip of his penis with my pads... Feeling how his juice was dripping between my toes... I loved the feeling of it... I tried to do it as slow as possible... Sometimes I went a little faster and sometimes, a little slower... At some point, I knew he couldn't hold on for much longer... I wanted him to... I caressed his head and made him face me as I whispered quietly that it was okay... I whispered to him that he didn't had a reason to hold back... It didn't take long after that... I saw how he clenched his teeth and heard him groan quietly... I felt his warm sperm squirted over my feet as I kept caressing his hair... He had his eyes closed while he was panting quietly but when he looked up to me again, he had a huge smile on his face... So I smiled back at him... And gave him a tender kiss on his lips...

I cleaned my feet with that towel and the two of us washed ourselves in the shower together but as we did, the two of us weren't talking... All we did was smiling at each other once we gazed in one another's eyes... We went to bed like that and many hours passed... Terry fell asleep in no time but I couldn't... My back was facing him as I stared in blank space... And deep down inside, I was giggling like a little schoolgirl... Terry had his arm clenched around me as I thought things through that happened... I loved seeing him like that... To know that he enjoyed the things that I did... I closed my eyes and felt my hand slipping down between my legs again, like I always did whenever I was spending the night with him... And after what happened, it didn't take long for me to get a little wet... So I gently caressed my vagina... Feeling it, as if it's the only thing in the world worth having... Those wonderful feelings were rushing through out my stomach... And then something happened that I didn't expect... Terry's hand started to move down towards my stomach as his other hand gently started to caress my left breast... I felt his warm breathe in my neck and I remember the words he quietly whispered in my ear... 'You need a hand with that...?'

I was surprised to say the least... But I loved every moment of it... I guess there wasn't much of a reason anymore... So I closed my eyes and quietly whispered something I've always wanted to say to him but wasn't able to... 'Yes...'

And so he did... I removed my hands as the tips of fingers were gently caressing my abdomen, slowly going down... Gently feeling my slit, caressing it up and down... At that very same moment, I turned around to face him and kissed him passionately while his fingers were still feeling between my legs... Feeling how his finger was slowly slipping inside of me... Going in and out gently while making these 'c'mere' motions with his fingers... And while he did, he was gently biting my neck-scruff while I was breathing quietly in his neck, while letting out a squeak of pleasure every now and then as I drifted away in a state of ecstasy... We were kissing each other while Terry was still fingering me... I don't know how long it took... But it was quite enjoyable, I can tell you that... Sadly, it wasn't enough for me to reach my climax that night... I didn't have to... As long as it felt good to allow him to, that was the only thing that mattered to me that night... And so, we fell asleep in each others arms, knowing that a new beginning was at hand for the two of us...

I know what you're thinking right now. Why did I let him that night? What drove me to do that...? It was a very emotional night for me... And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it got better instead... I never intended to tell him what happened... But I had to, no matter how difficult it was... And by telling him, I saw in his eyes that I wasn't the only one being nervous about it... I had a safe environment this time... My own bed, my own room... Things felt familiar... Some might call it impulsive behaviour... Call it whatever you like... But I'd like to think that I was finally ready... Determined not to let it take over my life... And to be truly happy for once with the guy I loved the most... I would share my burdens while he shared me his blessings... And he did, for the first time... For the first time, I started to look at things differently... Telling him was so difficult but it was honestly the best thing I ever did... I owe Terry a lot for everything he ever did for me and I still do... But I figured I'd never be able to repay my debt... Terry helped me to shape me into the person I am today... And I can't thank him enough for that... The metaphorical wall broke down for the last time, never meant to be build up again... Let's just say I ran out of cement... But still... Now that everything was solved, I figured I had to focus on other things instead... I wasn't fixated on how to feel comfortable while having sex with Terry because that night, I found the answer to that... Just let it happen, don't ask questions... Knowing if it's right or wrong isn't determined by the questions you ask yourself but rather on how you feel about it when it happens... It wasn't until that very same moment I started to understand what my grandmother meant with taking risks in life... I risked it all by telling him and I got so much in return... But it wasn't until then Terry finally understood what I needed and what I wanted... Things have been difficult for us, I admit... But Terry never left me in my ongoing struggle... That night, I went to bed with a feeling that the next day, would bring a whole new perspective at life and the guy I loved the most...