Conclusion or Contusion
#5 of All Punk Rockers Go To Hell
Part Five: Conclusion or Contusion
Author's Note: I had to write and re-write this a few times just to get to where I wanted to be with this! They're might be some errors but if I get a chance I'll go back and fix them! Sorry for any bad Grammar. Also, I jsut wanted to say I didn't want to leave this story alone after this part so I mixed things up and I still have plenty of chapters of this coming! So read and re-read if you wish! More will follow. Hopefully people still read my stories out there...heh.
When it rains, it pours. How many times have I heard that in my life? It was really just another catch phrase one learns as a child and grows to become one of those things that if you were to say it to one of your friends they'd laugh at you for being lame. My 'friends would rather hear me say something like "Fuck, it's raining so hard." Or "Fuck, is it ever going to stop?" As long as it's blunt and painfully obvious, any sort of intelligent response would get you laughed at. A part of me longs for the knowledge I abandoned after my uncle fucked me and left me for dead, but it's overwhelmed by the side of me that hates what that would mean. I'd be another part of society and that was far from punk. Maybe I didn't know what was right for me, maybe I'll always be lost and searching for something I'll never find.
On the front porch of Kasai's house I stood nearly naked, covered in only a coat I had borrowed from Dyver so I could smoke a cigarette. Kasai was just going to complain that I smell, but I needed something to center me. I checked my clothes before I emerged from the pleasant house to watch as the last bit of light was drained from the wet sky; they weren't dry yet.
I raised the cigarette to my lips and thought about all the things that had led up to this moment. Waking up this morning I set out without a goal, found some momentary relief from my bleak existence, only to walk unknowingly into the paws of Satan himself; my uncle.
"I'm not the only one who thinks you shouldn't smoke." The voice interrupted the rainfall.
Kasai stood in the doorway, still shirtless, still sexy, still pesky. Maybe I liked his sweet disposition more than I thought. The way he spoke, acted clueless from behind a wall of knowledge, said things he meant and took it upon himself to be nice to furs that wouldn't normally give him the time of day unless it meant getting a piece of ass. While Kasai was particularly good for that reason, he had some good, genuine heart about him, thumping under that flame of feathers on his chest, resonating with the dark, shriveled up one inside mine.
"So I've heard." I spoke, bringing the half-depleted cigarette to my thin lips. A part of me wanted to pressure him into taking a hit like the way I've done with so many cubs in the past, but the other part wanted to stomp the thing out and never pick one up again; because Kasai said so.
"I understand though." He spoke taking a step out the door and shutting it behind him. The porch light lit the small area free of rain like a bubble frozen in time. His face looked dark but I knew it was a trick of the light. Kasai was never upset unless the situation involved someone who was upset to begin with. His empathy knew no bounds. I found it bittersweet, bitter because it was disgusting, sweet because it meant he cared about me in a time when I figured no one did. So I tossed the remaining smoke out into the night where it was swallowed by rain and darkness.
"So do I." I replied and smiled, hugging the coat around my body even though it was far from chilly. The hawk took up a place, standing about a foot or two beside me as we gazed out into the streetlamp-lit night. "So how long have you two been going out?"
"You mean Royce?" He asked with honest inquisitiveness.
"No, your father genius, of course Royce." I said sarcastically. "Little badger boy's pretty cute, guess you scored big with him."
Kasai hesitated, I wasn't sure why but as always a thousand reasons came to mind, some practical, most ridiculous, all possibilities. I've come to realize that I lived in a world where normality was nearly impossible to find now days. You walk into a middle school anywhere and you're bound to find cubs who knew things that high schoolers shouldn't even know. There are pedophiles for crossing guards and uncles who rape nephews, it was a sick world, but its places like this; Kasai's home, that took irregular and made it regular.
"We've been friends since the third grade." He spoke; sounding like he was love struck but weighed down with some sort of burden that he held close to his heart. A burden that conflicted with the way he felt. I was good at picking feelings and emotions out of the mouths and muzzles of those around me. When you're a eight-year-old boy in a room full of males who want nothing more than to fuck a load of cum into your ass you learn real quickly how to read what they want, when they want it, so you can make the ordeal a bit more bearable; lest you piss some guy off and end up with a double load without a rest. "I kissed him for the first time a year ago. He didn't know what to do and I understood that he didn't want to talk about it. Then I put the moves on him on Monday. He fucked me. I love him, always kinda have. He does too, I guess."
"You sound like it's a bad thing." I say turning to stare at his golden eyes as they watched the raindrops pelt the ground beyond our small sanctuary.
"No," He hurriedly made to reiterate his meaning. His eyes met mine and nothing special happened, nothing I could see, because it was all happening behind my eyes. I just made a point not to let Kasai see. At least I hope I did. "It's great; I don't think I've ever felt like this before. It's just, I've never thought I'd love anyone else other than my...I mean, I've grown up thinking one thing, then another thing happens and it makes it hard to switch."
It reminded me of how I let everything flood out of my hollow little soul before I was on my knees in front of TK. I feared the worse and tried to explain myself all at once. Never a good idea, I know this now. Kasai's was slightly different though. He was still trying to explain something without letting too much information leak through, except he seemed more understanding of his problem. I didn't know up from down earlier.
"Dude, you sound like you were pulled out of one relationship for another." I joked but Kasai's expression went from perplexed to apprehensive; not a Kasai trait.
"You know your uncle?" He asked suddenly.
"What about him." I asked vehemently.
"I've never asked you about him because I knew you'd never want to talk about it." He spoke hurriedly.
"You were right to do so." I reiterated, looking away, swallowing the bile as it was forced up my esophagus.
"Well I never told you about my past for the same kinda reason." He blurted.
It made the rain sound distant. My small round ears fluttered and my quills stood on end as I looked into the hawks eyes, stare matched with stare.
"And maybe it should stay that way," He continued. It truly was a side to the hawk I had never seen. He was always so upbeat and spontaneous I never thought he could be serious and intent on a subject of such heated passion or repulsion in my case. "But I wanted you to know that the reason I've always been so caring was because I can see me inside you. Not feather for fur but I can see my life in you if my mind had taken a turn for the worst. It clearly didn't, and I'm almost ashamed to say that in front of you. The only reason I can now is because I've thought about it so often. We're standing here, talking like adults, only because we've both have things happen to us in the past that caused a part or in your case, a large chunk of your childhood to be replaced by one common vice; sex."
I don't want to stand here and explain how I got some huge realization, or that I suddenly realized that Kasai probably had as much, if not more sex than I did. We both knew things normal teens didn't, but what the fuck is normal? He said that his life was affected in the same why as mine; through sex. Who knew what that meant for either of us? I knew it meant that when Kasai was younger he must have had some sort of encounter with an adult that resulted in his knowledge of sex. Maybe it was his own god damned father, but what made us differ was that I suffered the negative of such an experience and Kasai gained something positive. I understood, simple as that. I understood why Kasai was the way he was towards me. And even though it was a somber thought, knowing Kasai and his kindness, it was a welcoming epiphany.
I wrapped my short arms around his and hugged the most meaningful hug in years. I cried too; months, years of repressed emotion flooding forth in a geyser of sentiment. It was sickening, it was repulsive, it was what I needed; a shoulder to cry on, a friend who cared. Kasai replied by brandishing his wings to rock me back and forth while he held on to my shoulders.
"I'm such a f-f-fucking ff-fag." I grumbled and all he did was hold me in return for the hugs I had endured. "My uncle was there when I came home, fucking my father, wanting to fuck me. I ran. You were the only one who came to mind, you're the only one who truly cares about me. I've been in denial but I think I've loved you since the first time I fucked you."
"Really?" He asked unbiased. I had to pull away; I had to show him I wasn't a total worthless fag, dampening his shoulder's feathers with my gay tears. I grin like a fool and nod despite the knot in my stomach.
"It's stupid huh?" I asked as I sniffed, tears still streaming through my face fur. "What's a gay punker like me got to do with a dick taking hawk like you, right?"
Kasai chuckled, understanding where I was going with this. He understood that crying felt good but staying sad got no one anywhere. And it did feel good; to let go, to cry, to laugh, joke about liking cock, the works.
"Only, now you have a boyfriend and I can't fuck that ass like I used to, right?" I say a little hopeful but all together doubtful. I knew how the whole mate system worked. Even a gay one didn't seem practical, maybe if I really loved someone. I loved Kasai but that didn't mean I'd want to give up sucking other dick in the future.
"Actually," Kasai said. He had that look and tone about him that said otherwise. "Ever heard of an open relationship? My daddy's had one with Dyver for the last year, meaning they could get with other furs as long as they were open about it. So when I told him about Royce and me we agreed to have the same thing as them. So if you want to fuck me..."
I watched quite amused as Kasai whirled around, shaking his tail feathers at me. "Then all we have to do is ask Royce."
"What if..." I said with apprehension, but in the spirit of keeping things rolling, I thought rather quickly; brain working a lot better in the upbeat circumstances than a negative one, and agreed to myself that I wanted Kasai, if he'd have me, to... "What if I wanted to...maybe I wanted to be the one to, you know, get fucked."
It was hard to say that when for five years I refused the backdoor to handfuls of furs but when it was past my lips, I felt a thousand times lighter. Maybe it was the coat falling off my shoulders as I shivered, but again, it wasn't from the non-existent cold. I was excited for first time in ages and this head rush of emotion was simply blissful. Kasai seemed to understand, his mind swimming in the same elated ether as I. What a fucking hippie I was being.
"You...you'd want me to...?" He spoke too bemused with glee to talk straight.
"Yeah, sure why not."" I nodded remembering the sensation Kaiser's tongue had had on me. "Fuck me till I can't think straight.
"I'll try." Kasai said with a smile. I had always let that smile bother me before today. Now, it filled me with a feeling that I would have associated with being a fag. It felt good now, and I wanted to hold on to it.
"I'll show you how." I said figuring the bird, while a notorious bottom, had never topped before in his life. "You can practice on your boyfriend."
"I think he's a virgin when it comes to that."
"Even better." I laughed. I couldn't believe that hours ago I thought the world was over, and now I was about to let a thirteen-year-old hawk fuck me. It is what it is a guess. So I ran with it.
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Kasai had a way about him. I wasn't talking about his sap-soaked empathy or his pseudo innocence. I was talking about his cock and the way he fucked. I had no idea if he had ever even stuck his little pecker into another boys butt before but I couldn't tell one way or another. Ever since Kaiser and his sick appetite had their ways with me I couldn't stop thinking about the cum that probably still gunked up my insides. But now Kasai's four inch dick was screwing me over something fierce and all I could think about was how I had ever led my self to believe that getting fucked in the ass was a degrading thing. It felt...wonderful. I had no idea how situation had even started, but the hawk now owned my ass.
I had my rump up in the air; arms hugging the pillow my face was buried in and my cock twitched like it had a mind of its own. Royce was there too, a bit of a bother to me because this was such a new and personal experience I was sharing with the little hawk boy, but he just crouched down at the side of the bed and stared at my dangling bits as Kasai's smashed into me with adolescent impatience. His labored yet excited breaths sounded more like powerful grunts and for a moment I imagined that his father was the one fucking me, but the son was good enough.
I felt drunk; I felt high, maybe a bit of both. Okay, a lot of both, but I knew that these sensations were completely natural and induced through the pounding of that thing Kasai called my prostate. It was the reason for my dick being so hard, its full four and a half inches; bright pink with red veins bulging all throughout. It caused the meager amount of clear liquid to ooze from the tip and slowly drip down until it made a nice dark spot in the hawk's clean comforter. I breathed in a deep noxious breath through my nose that made my quills quiver and stand on end. I wanted to cum and almost thought I could without even touching myself.
Kasai hadn't spoken a single word since he had first thrust his little cock inside of me and it made me think of all the hot and sexy things Kaiser had said to me. I thought they were silly at the time but now I longed to hear them from the hawk. I wanted him to tell me I was his, for me to submit to him like I had forced him to do so many countless times in the boy's room at school. Royce was jerking off I think, I couldn't really tell because my face was as scrunched up like my ass was. Every time I'd try and relax to let the cock glide in and out of me I'd tense up and clench resulting and a sharp sensation that made my whole body shake. Kasai didn't notice except to make a small adjustment by taking his cock from my hole, grabbing hold of it, taking aim, and plowing back between my cheeks and down that dark, hot passage.
I felt a paw on my nuts suddenly and I realized to my annoyance that it's that badger. I turn my head just so and peer out through one eye to see the curious look on Royce's masked face. He cupped my balls with his little paw and gently massaged them back and forth in their sac. It didn't help the fact that I wanted to cum so badly right then, but it felt good. My cock bounced a bit on its own and let out a thick stream of pre. I knew the badger was new to sex, new to liking boys, new to pretty much everything, and I was also a whole year older then them. I could pre and they couldn't yet. It made me feel powerful and a week ago I would have used it to make them feel subservient to me, but I was the one being fucked now and the feeling became one similar to that of appreciation instead of dominance.
"Is that what it looks like when I do you Kasai?" The badger said in near amazement then laughed. That didn't seem right. I glanced over at the badger boy folding my nuts but he didn't seem to care I was glaring at him.
Kasai didn't reply right away. The hawk was normally a little bottom boy. He was used to getting fucked and not fucking so I'm figured he was in a real 'zone' of 'utter pleasure'. My tail-hole was tight, never used, and it also helped that I'd clench my butt every time the sticky dick would sink into me. There was something about the sensation of his hips and thighs smacking into my butt and legs that made me feel, not good, but wanted. Eight hours ago I would have thought it made me like a fag. Now, Kasai was going out of his norm to do something to me and it made me feel accepted. Sounds fucked up I know, but in a strange way, it made me feel good about myself, and that's what's important I guess.
"I'm gonna cum..." I grunted. I couldn't keep it inside me anymore. Twenty five minutes of this constant bombardment had pushed me to that spot that every naughty fourteen-year-old boy knows well. I peered over at Royce again but what I saw terrified me. What had been only moments ago was gone. There had been a thirteen year old badger groping my nut sac, but now a muscular porcupine now had his fat cock inches from my face. I suddenly smelled cigar smoke and my insides seared red. Instead of a hawk cock rooting out my insides I felt the burn as a red-hot lit cigar was pressed between my cheeks and lost within my bowls. I tired to turn around my something was pressing my face into the pillows. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see anything but the distinct laughter of my uncle filled my ears as cigar tobacco chokes my lungs.
"You can't fucking hide from me Dallas." My uncle whispered into my ear. I tried to pull away, move my waist, kick my foot-paws but I was only an overweight, fourteen year old porcupine. The cigar seared hoy as it fucked me, my cock twitched as I cam, my eyes burned as I cried.
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When I woke up I wasn't sure where I was or what I was doing except that I was still cuming. My back was arched and I felt quills getting stuck in the carpet I was laying on. I became aware that I was wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs and that my erect cock was thoroughly soaking them with salty boy cum. My body trembled, I gasped for breath, and my sleepy vision was blurred my tears. I still wanted to fight back, to struggle, but there was nothing for me to fight.
As a reflex I reached inside my underwear, passed my spurting cock and felt the area only two males had ever breeched. It was still tightly closed, though somewhat sticky. I pushed the cum stained underwear down my legs in the darkness and used them to clean the area around my privates. It took me a few moments to remember where I was but in the darkness I could have been anywhere.
A faint green glow from the kitchen stove told me it was five-thirty in the morning and as my eyes adjusted I found that I could actually see more in the darkness than I had first thought. My memories were returning as well. I remembered finding out my uncle had returned. I remembered him fucking my father in front of me; then running, running harder than I had in a long time. I ran to the only place I knew I could go at that hour. I had found myself on Kasai's door step and welcomed into his home like a well received friend. But I didn't feel right. I wasn't used this kind of hospitality. I was used to getting a forty ounce and a pipe to hit when I was welcomed. Not a clean pair of underwear and dinner.
I remembered Kasai wanting to fuck me, me wanting him to fuck me, Royce wanting to watch. I was ready too, but when it came down to it my uncle came into my mind and I backed down. Told Takr that I'd sleep on the couch after he and his bear-friend retired to his bedroom to do their own fucking (Or so I guessed). This was too weird of a house to digest in one night. I couldn't even sleep on the couch comfortably. I had to get down on the hard carpeted floor before I could even fall sleep. Now that I was awake I couldn't see myself falling back so instead I finished cleaning up my wet dream and found my way in the darkness to the garage laundry room. My pant's and shirt were dry but cold in the dryer. I pulled on my tattered black jeans, going commando, and crammed my stocky frame into my white 'afi' shirt. My jacket was dry too and it made me feel better to have the smoke-scented leather adorn my shoulders once again.
I found my cigarettes and lit up right there in the garage. The first few drags reminded me of my dream, the smoke smelling eerily of cigar, but slowly the deep inhales became pleasant as the nicotine calmed my nerves and began to awaken my senses. I felt a little odd there, standing in a strange garage, smoking alone. I remembered a party I went to a few months back. There were these junkies who had stayed up the entire night talking about nonsense. Apparently they had snorted something other than the cocaine the rest of us had. Even TK had fallen asleep before me but when I had awoken to those three chattering away while the rest of the house slept I couldn't help but be drawn to their conversation.
"The only reason we gather like this is because we 'are' alone. Don't you see?" One ferret had said to a sullen looking female blue jay that just seemed to stare at the floor as she rocked back and forth gently; eyes not really staring at anything.
"No, no, we're never alone because the truth of the matter is that we have a little bit of everything inside of us already." The third junkie spoke, a rabbit that I could have sworn was somehow related to TK "Like we already know the answers but they're buried deep inside us and we just have to find them."
"They have these mind reading devices that can see what we really are inside. The government..." The ferret spoke again. I stopped caring what he was talking about as soon as those last words left his muzzle but that first statement came back to me now. That supposedly we're not alone.
I let out a thick, acrid cloud of smoke and watched it swirl in the florescent light until it diminished and faded away. Who did I have? Kasai? TK? My Father? The truth of 'this' matter was that 'I' had no one. There was no truth to be discovered, no revelation to be had other than the fact that I had 'me' and that's all that mattered.
Without giving a fuck I stomped out my cigarette butt, placed my smokes back inside the safety of my jacket and flicked the light of the garage off as I left; much like the light that burned out inside me when I was still a little boy. I was nothing but a fourteen year old, punk rock, porcupine faggot. So be it.
I was about to take off through the front door when a voice started me. I knew I could stay here. I was told so by Takr last night, but at what cost. I thought about the Hyena I had run into yesterday too. What would I have to do to satisfy them? Become another sycophant do-gooder by straightening up? Do better in school? Make amends with my mother who thought I was the anti-Christ? Following orders and doing as I was told didn't get me anywhere when I was young. It got me a cock in the ass and a promise for another. I wouldn't let my life be run by anyone. I thought I had felt something here the other night. Maybe I could have given this place a chance, gone to the teen center, been a good boy. Not when I knew I could find TK and real friends who cared about me enough to share a beer, a bowl of weed, or a bump of coke.
"Taking off already?" The deep voice spoke from the dim alcove of the kitchen.
My paw froze on the doorknob as I glanced over to see the tall, brooding, attractive, nearly naked form of Kasai's father; his only coverings being a pair of white boxer briefs and a mug of steaming coffee. I felt a sudden chill and sting in my chest as if I have been found doing something very wrong, but I quickly swallowed that feeling as I stared momentarily at the bulge in his crotch. I found no advice there. A simple 'Thanks for the food and weird hospitality, see ya' didn't seem like it was doing to work. My mouth worked a bit but nothing came out. Takr apparently read my mind, and as I thought back to those junkies and their conspiracy theories, he spoke.
"Care to stay at least for a bite to eat?" He asked simply. "I just put cinnamon rolls in the oven and they'll be done in about fifteen minutes. I doubt Kasai will wake up before then if you still felt you needed to slip away unnoticed. Do you drink coffee?"
I was reluctant but my paw slowly slipped off the door knob and I found myself closing the gap between me and the handsome smiling bird. Any other time I would have tried to seduce someone like him, but knowing this was Kasai's father and not just another dick to suck, the thought remained only that. It was still strange to me to find kindness in such a dominant and masculine male. My cock was too freshly spent to get hard again but if it could I know it would have.
"Maybe some orange juice would suit you better?" Takr suggested, then apparently thought of a better idea and quickly spun around, disappearing towards the fridge. By the time I had rounded the corner he was bent over, head stuck in the fridge, digging around for something. My eyes were in full view of his perfectly defined ass; I could even clearly see the outline of his dangling birdy bits being held together by soft white cotton. He straightened up all too soon but I was actually impressed by what I saw next. He held out a can of Mountain Dew in his wing and offered it to me. Now 'I' couldn't help but smile like a fool. What can I say? The hawk obviously knew the way into this chubby porcupine's heart.
I took the can and popped the tab in seconds before the cool, syrupy, flavor of citrus bubbled down my throat. I figured I could stay for some breakfast. I had no money to get my own anyways and I didn't mind the sight before me. I only hopped he didn't try and talk me into staying.
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What Takr had said stayed with me the rest of that day. Even as I walked the side of the street, Kasai's house fading behind me, I could hear the older hawk's voice resonating in my ears. "Growing up isn't easy. We've all had to do it. Some fur's have it easier, other harder. Sometimes I wonder if I could have given Kasai a better life than the one he knows now." That last statement made me think of what Kasai had hinted at the other night. My mind had wandered and now that I heard a similar remark from his father I somehow knew that what my deviant mind had come up with was probably not far from the truth. Maybe Kasai had told his father everything about what I had gone through as a boy and that was the only reason he had given me any type of lecture now. The fact of the matter was that Kasai had turned out how he had, and I had gone down a different path even though we had similar experiences in the past.
"But the past is the past." He had continued with a caring but concerned face. "I can't go back in time and change what I've done just as much as I can't change the color of my feathers.' Then he looked at me more softly.'You have this wonderful, original, cool fursona that you've created and it's what makes you, you! Kasai is the same way; I don't think I've ever seen a sad face on his beak unless he was talking about this poor boy at school who he wished he could be friends with. Don't look so surprised. I know you've been intimate with my son and when that happens there's no getting around the fact that you've shared a part of yourself that's special. Kasai comes home from school and smile and his face and a kick in his step just the same as when I dropped him off that morning. The only difference is that he takes on other fur's problems and is always thinking of ways to help them." So he knew about me fucking his son on multiple occasions, but if what I understood to be true was in fact just that then he had no room to talk.
It all made it hard to look the adult hawk in the face as he sat there, across from me at their dining table; sipping his coffee and speaking in tones that made me think about my life. It was one of the reasons why I wanted to leave. I didn't want anybody to lecture me on how I should or shouldn't be. It was ironic of me to think that because the very next thing out of his beak took the words from 'my' mouth. "I'm not telling you how you should be or how you should live your life but there will come a time when you have to decide between pushing people away and accepting constructive criticism in ways that betters your life. We all have a rebellious side and yours just seems to be larger than the average teen; why not use it in ways that better your situation? Heh, listen at me talking to you like I'm your father. Those cinnamon rolls smell about ready. Still care for one?"
The words and memories faded from me as I made my way down the main street into town; belly full of pop and pastries. Takr wanted me to be me but to also listen to what other furs had to say; to not close myself off from anything. I guess that made since because when I thought about my mother I figured she was the biggest closed-minded furson I knew. My father was a little more understanding but he was trapped in his own nightmare; there was nothing I could do there. So I thought a bit as the cracks in the pavement passed below my feet and the warm rising sun began to heat the back of my jacket. I decided I'd take Takr's second advice and unfolded the twenty dollar bill he had given me.
"Take this as a sign that I care. You are welcome here anytime but don't let this think you could come back just for another twenty bucks. My son really cares about you. He's got his new boyfriend who he seems happy with but I think he holds you up higher than just someone who fucks him at school."_I reached out for the bill in the hawks hand but when I went to pull it back the bill didn't budge from his grip. I always knew there was a catch, its how adults worked. Sure he wanted to help me but I didn't want to have to jump through hoops to get that help. I just wanted to be me and not have to worry about anything else. The hawk just smiled and finally relinquished the money to me. _"Use it to buy yourself a new shirt and some lunch. That one on your back has almost had it!"
So I pushed all the thoughts of hawks and cocks out of my head and took a left at the first street light knowing Wal-Mart was only ten short blocks away. The rain last night had left the morning muggy and hot and the stubborn clouds above seemed content on keeping it that way. My foot-paws would occasionally splash into dwindling puddles on the sidewalk and it was enough to keep me cool as I made the early morning trek across my small town. I thought about another cigarette but already I had seen to 'pigs' in blue drive down this very road and opted for a hassle free morning.
With memories of last night's failed fucking and rotten dreams fading I began to go through my usual Saturday morning thoughts. I had already woken up in my underwear, already jerked off (in my sleep), already had my Mountain Dew; that was more than half my morning already. I spent most weekends locked up in my room unless I had a reason to sneak out at night. Getting suspended Monday really ruined things for me. It kept me out of the loop of parties or possible kick-backs happening around town. It made my usual mission to get high or drunk a little tricky. I knew a few furs who could hook me up with a nickel bag if I smoked them out but I didn't even have a pipe. Getting alcohol was always a bit harder but I knew the right furs for that too.
Just up ahead in about fifteen minutes there was a park tacked with notorious stories involving male furs who would meet up for sex in public places like the restroom or a secluded park bench. There were always joggers out at this hour and I knew of at least two train hoppers who usually camped out there when they were in town. It wasn't hard to flag down a male for a little BJ in the bushes. I had tried this 'game' out of pure sexual boredom several times and after most learned my age they were always willing to do what I wanted to keep me quiet. Blackmail was bitter sweet sometimes. Some adults gave me money; other's offered to buy me booze. Though it wasn't really something I liked to do I figured it was a way to start my day.
End of Part 5
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