Who We Think We Are
#32 of Hockey Hunk Season 2
The lion has to come clean about things.
Hehhey, and welcome to Hockey Hunk!
We're gearing up towards Christmas, and thus, Rory, too, will take a much-earned Christmas break before he shall kick off the new year 2012!
Before that, though, there are three chapters to enjoy, so sit back and enjoy more HH on Monday (19.12), Wednesday (21.12) and Friday (23.12). After that, Rory will return in January, 2012.
The amount of feedback to the last chapter has been extraordinary. I thank each and every one of you for your contribution, it has been most valuable. Thank you for investing your time and effort into this story, it really does mean a lot to me.
This chapter clocks 6,000 words, and this is pretty much for you guys, so please enjoy, and drop a comment, if you feel like it : )
Have a good read!
*
I'LL BEEEEE GOOOOOOOONEEE
IN A DAYYY OOOOOR TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
_ _
*beep*
"Peter Sinclair, your very friendly limping hermit, at your service."
There was a pause before he spoke to me.
"Uhh...hi, Peter. Were you busy?"
I snuffled.
"Sorry, Rowreeh, my ringtone is so catchy that I just got stuck listening to A-ha and I only answered after the chorus," my tail flapped against my wrapped-up leg as I teased my lion, simply because I could.
He didn't laugh. I snuffled.
"What are you up to, Peter?"
I leaned back on the couch and folded my paws comfortably over my belly, perfectly set now that I had my pawsfree set attached and I could just lay down and enjoy my chat with the lion who was no doubt checking up on how I was doing. This was despite my best assurances over that I was perfectly fine, and that he would be wasting his time and effort in worrying over me. A normal chat would do. The most fucked-up things always happened to Rory while he was at work. Not something I was envious of, but it made for a fun telephone sitcom. That's my lion alright.
"Well, since I can't go on the treadmill, I was trying to think of other ways of doing some cardio, and...let's just say that paws started to wander and..." my tail made some interesting fractal motions in the air by me.
Now he snuffled a bit. Success!
"I was thinking about you of course," I rumbled. "And the face you make when you..."
"Peter," Rory's voice didn't sound fine at all.
My ears flattened, almost dislodging the pawsfree. I yelped.
"Rory, wait a second..."
I fumbled with my pawsfree for a little moment and managed to re-attach the earpiece without losing the Bluetooth connection, I hoped.
"Hello? Hello? Rory, you there?"
"Yeah," the lion rumbled.
I tucked my tail neatly about my legs, the mutilated one included, and folded a comfortable arm across my chest.
"What's going on?" I asked, keeping my voice level.
It would do no good provoking Rowreeh,
He took a deep, audible breath, edged with tension and the hint of a snarl that I hardly ever heard there. I already frowned before he spoke again.
"Rowreeh?" I spoke his name.
"I...I think I've fucked up a bit."
I gave my chest an idle scratch through my white T.
"Saying that you fucked up a bit is like saying that you killed someone only a bit," I mused.
Rory huffed.
"That's a bit harsh."
I rumbled.
"Is this about that Victor guy?" I suggested, latching onto the most logical conclusion that I was about to hear the exact circumstances of the demise of the promising dalliance he had going on with that Doberman guy.
Rory was quiet for a long while before he replied.
"Kinda," he sounded miserable.
"Okay," I replied softly.
"And...a few other things too. You sure you want to listen?"
I snorted.
"Of course I want to listen! What's with my social life, I can live through you, you know, so please, carry on with the drama!" I retaliated, hoping that a little bit of verbal punching would help Rory to gather his wits and rear up and be a man for once about his drama.
I could hear the snarl alright, but whether it was directed at me, I wasn't sure about that. He did take his time before more words came to me over the phone.
"Okay. I...just came back from a date."
"Okay."
"But...fuck..." I could imagine him walking around like a caged lion, clawing his mane, "I didn't know it was a date until...until he kissed me."
I frowned a little. Such a peculiar choice of words. My tail flicked curiously.
"Why do I get the feeling that you're not talking about Victor?"
"Yeah."
Go Rowreeh! It sounded like my lion has been going around the block recently. A Dobie and now someone else? Seems that the lion's social life was picking up alright, though perhaps that was something to commend, after the Graham fiasco and the resulting social hibernation.
"So who was it?" I asked calmly.
Another huff.
"You won't believe it."
"Try me," I retorted.
"That Mistwillow guy made a move on me. A big move, I mean...he kissed me."
I frowned now.
"That writer dude tiger guy's gay?" I spoke.
"I didn't know he was."
I chuckled.
"But he still made a move on you...a big move, it sounds."
"Peter, it's fucking embarrassing!" the lions's voice trembled.
"So, tell me all you want about it," I nudged, staying calm, even though I had to admit that my mind was doing a few somersaults over the bizarre rant that had began, I thought.
"Augghhhhh..." the lion exclaimed, sounding like was coughing up a hairball or something.
"Okay, that could be a start."
"Baaah."
"You're not giving me anything to work with," I noted.
"I told you I met, right, at the restaurant, didn't I?"
"You did," I nodded to myself. "You told me you had nice time."
"Yeah...and he...well, I guess he had even nicer time than I thought."
"Gay old time in the good company of Rowreeh," I mused, trying to put my mind around this scenario.
It sounded like something he could have pulled off during his first year in college or something. So innocent...
"Okay...and then...then, last Friday, he sent me chocolates."
My ears perked.
"Chocolates?"
"Really expensive...fuck...romantic chocolates, I guess," the lion detailed.
"Ohh..."
"But I didn't know it was him, Peter, I didn't...I didn't know that the chocolates were from him."
"So how did you end up dating him then?"
"I didn't!" Rory yelped.
"Accidentally dating him," I corrected.
I wished I had popcorn.
"Okay, so, I had to come over to take care of you and I forgot about it for the weekend, and yesterday I found the chocolates when I came back home, and there was a phone number and I called him."
"Uh huh."
"And then...well, he sounded like he had waited my call all weekend and I felt kinda sad about that, and when he asked me if I could meet him on Tuesday evening, I said yes."
I snuffled.
"And that didn't ring any alarm bells?" I said.
"I didn't think about him in that way, Peter, I just...I couldn't think about him having...about him wanting to do anything more than talk."
"But he did."
"Ohh yeah," Rory grumbled.
What a miserable-sounding lion. Poor Rory.
"Okay, so what happened?"
"I saw him tonight at the Taylor library, that's where he asked me to come, and it was all normal until...shit...this is where it becomes a sitcom."
"I like sitcoms," I snuffled, nodding affirmatively to myself and punctuating that with well-placed scratches over my belly.
"My co-worker was there in the library, and I had to...evade."
"Why?"
"Shit, Mason and his friend, Haakon, they are something like super fans to those books and I didn't want Colin to get harassed and..."
"Colin..."I spoke.
"Yes, I didn't want Colin to be pounced by those guys, so I quickly took him to the drama section..."
I had no idea why that was an important detail, but I let Rory go on, and signaled my listening with a simple. "Uh-hm."
"...okay, so I took him there, and...I took him to Barbra."
If I had had the phone in my paw at the moment, I am sure that I would have dropped it, just like that, upon hearing that miserable voice and the words Rory spoke to me. I had to bite my teeth down so as not to laugh.
"You took him to Barbra?"
"I didn't mean to," Rory sounded meek.
"But you took him to Barbra."
"It was the closest door out of the rotunda, and I really wanted to get out of sight quickly..."
"Okay, I see."
"And then he just...came onto me. Kissed me."
"Wow..."
"Seriously, one minute I don't even know he's gay and the next I've got his tongue down my throat and he's telling me that we could go over to his place for some fun."
"Was he any good?" I had the right to know.
Rory grunted.
"Yeah, he was."
Figures.
I snorted.
"I still get the feeling that you didn't like making out with the guy."
Another long pause.
"I told you, I did like it."
"What's the problem?"
"That!" Rory exclaimed, reaching the limits of my pawsfree, since the sound crackled in my ear. "That I'm upset over a kiss."
"Why are you upset?"
"I liked it! It was so warm and then he rubbed my ass and..."
"Everyone wants a piece of that, I know that much," I interjected. "So we don't have to question that, or that you liked it, or that he liked it. So what went wrong?"
"I don't know the guy!"
"You didn't know that Dobie either before you went all the way with him," I noted. "Or some of the guys I could easily name from college, who you fooled around with."
"That's different!"
"How?" It felt like a simple question.
"I mean..." again, I knew that he was pacing, the little sounds he was making were a dead giveaway.
"Just take your time."
"I seriously didn't know that he was gay, Peter, I didn't get any...signals from him, before we were kissing."
"What did you expect? Didn't he prance enough? Didn't talk about Karl Lagerfield's latest collection? Didn't have a Versace pawbag? Didn't fall to his knees in front of the altar of Barbra?"
"You know very fucking well that all gay furs are not like that."
"Nor they should be," I opinioned.
"So, somehow I managed to miss all the signs and then suddenly I've got him all over me and I'm liking it and then I remember that I shouldn't like it, and...it didn't go very well."
I snuffled.
"Why says you shouldn't have liked it?"
"I do! I've misled him, Peter! I've hurt that guy badly by making him think that I was interested in him!"
"So why didn't you simply thank him for the kiss and then told him that it wasn't exactly what you had in mind?" I suggested.
"I didn't have the chance," Rory grunted. "He left after shouting at me. Just stormed out of the place."
I shook my head and bared my teeth.
"And you didn't go after him?"
"I sent him a text."
"You did not!" I snapped, my tail and ears joining me so enthusiastically that I had to hold my pawsfree down again.
"After about an hour, when I finally got back home and could think again."
"Jesus...what did you say?"
"That...that I was sorry that I misled him, that I'm sorry I hurt him, and asked him to call me if he wanted to talk to me again."
Oh fuck.
"Peter, I know it's a shitty thing to do, but what else could I've done? He was gone before I could go after him, and I did, but...only after like...thirty seconds, and he was gone. Disappeared."
"You should have called him right away and told him to come back."
"I know, I know."
"Do you?"
"What do you mean?" Rory snapped.
"Took you pretty long to send that text."
"I had to get back home and think about it."
By the sound of it, it didn't work.
"So what's your biggest problem with it, Rory? That you liked the kiss or that you didn't like the kiss enough to take it further?"
Rory snorted.
"Ohh I liked it enough, believe me, I was on fire."
"And?"
Now he sighed.
"It's...complicated."
"That's the worst excuse in the book, please don't use that on me, Rowreeh," I pleaded.
Another huff.
"I know. Sorry."
"Go on," I spoke without ire.
"I feel horrible for leading him along unknowingly. I feel bad that I...reacted so badly to his kiss. I feel like shit for causing him to think that I was...available. And yeah, I feel bad about liking the kiss, too."
I could make a guess for the thinking behind that, I thought.
"Because of what you've got going on with that Victor?" I proposed.
Rory held me in suspense for quite some time before he spoke back in a small voice.
"I feel like...like...I just don't want to be like Graham, okay?"
I breathed out quickly and felt like having my arms around my Rory at this moment, no matter how many germs he might have hiding in his luxurious mane that felt nice to stroke when you were right close to him.
"What do you mean? I know he was many things, but I don't know which quality you want to avoid now," I spoke softly.
"I...want to think with my head, not with my cock," Rory replied in that same, constrained voice. "I want to...be able to think clearly about everything, about Victor and...you and..."
At least there was me.
"Have you and Victor talked about...exclusiveness? Do you know whether he sees other guys?" that sounded like a reasonable question to ask.
"I...understand that he dated some tiger a while back, but hasn't had anyone...steady...since."
"That doesn't mean he doesn't sleep with other guys."
He laughed, suddenly, a tinny sound in the earpiece.
"I doubt he'd have the time, considering his brother being around."
"You know what I mean," I spoke. "If you haven't talked about being just with each other, then there's no knowing about what he gets up to when he's not with you."
"I...know that," Rory replied.
I took a deep breath, scratched my muzzle, and wondered about what to say next. Rory obviously had some sort of a thing going on for the Doberman, that I was sure of, but he clearly didn't know how to put it into words yet. He didn't really speak about it except in vague terms, and I didn't know where he was heading with it, or what he wanted about it. The wanting to be honest and exclusive bit did point to something more, it did, but then again, Rory had always been a firm believer in monogamy, so maybe it simply was his thing...that there could only be one at a time. Admirable quality to have in this cruel and shallow world, which was something I could tell him in a moment of weakness, should the opportunity arise, but that wasn't it.
"So...if there wasn't a Victor, would you have risen to the occasion?"
These pauses seemed like minutes. This would've been so much easier face to face, anyway.
"He's a really nice guy. Smart and good-looking. Cute, even, I guess. "
"Is that a yes?"
"Uh...maybe."
"But it was too much too soon and then there's Victor," I suggested my interpretation into the psyche of Rory, wondering what the lion would think of it.
"Is it childish of me to want to do things properly?"
"Of course not," I replied, "but you certainly did not do them properly with this...Mistwillow guy."
"I fucking know that," the lion muttered.
"Good," I noted.
"You almost sound disappointed I didn't jump into bed with the guy."
I snorted.
"You just told me the reasons why you didn't, myself included. Of course I'm not disappointed. I'm simply puzzled."
Rory sighed.
"I just don't want to hurt anyone, Peter. I don't want to hurt you, or Colin, or Victor, or anyone else. I just want things to be okay."
"But things don't feel okay, do they?"
"No."
I rubbed my chin.
"Is there anything you'd particularly want me to say to you? I know that simply talking helps a lot, but I was wondering if you hoped for some sage advice from me as well."
Rory chuckled throatily, and I smiled, too. For a second he sounded very much Rowreeh alright.
"Is that your therapist's opinion?"
"No, daytime TV opinion," I replied dryly. "And my own, based on personal experience."
"Right."
"I won't question the wisdom of Ellen," I snickered.
"Bahah."
"So?"
Rory made a sound that suspiciously reminded me of a "blaaaarrgh".
"I must sound like a moaning kitten, do I?"
"Yes you do," I replied, feeling absolutely no need to hold anything back for the sake of Rory's ego.
"I thought so."
"What do you want to do about it?"
"I want things to be normal," the lion replied. "I want Colin to be okay, and I want to...figure out what to think about this whole business of me and Victor and...."
"That's a start," I said. "Why didn't you think about that before?"
"Guh."
"Yeeees?"
"It...it's been pretty rough, you know."
"I only know about my own roughness, you tell me about yours," I swiped back with my tongue, and my tail did the same, batting the armrest on the opposite end of the couch. "Rough is also not an excuse for being a prick."
"I know I'm a prick too."
"Go on."
"It's been really weird couple of weeks," he started again. "Hooking up with Victor and then the whole business with his brother walking in on us, and then this Mistwillow fuckup, and you...being worried sick about you and getting even more distracted..."
Perhaps I should've felt like a prick for the mildness of the twinge of regret and guilt that passed through my heart at his mention of having his normal life disturbed by my accident. I knew that nobody deserved to be scared like that, but...I knew also that there was something in my blood that even now was circulating and making sure that the mellow balance would remain, so that the darkness would not grow too great to handle. I knew that, and tried to feel, it, too, but when it was feelings themselves that were affected...how would I know?
I wished I wouldn't have to know.
"Sorry about that."
"It's fine," his reply was satisfyingly fast.
"Okay," I breathed.
"And then now...I dunno, my co-worker Marge is sick with something and Alex has been back...oh, God...I didn't even tell you about Alex."
My ears became more animated, almost against my own will.
"Alex is back?" I didn't have to ask him who Alex was.
"To cover for Marge, he's been driving me nuts."
"Ouch."
"Yeah..and then...wanna hear the weirdest thing, too?"
"Hit me."
"I've got a date next Thursday with Mason."
My eyes simply widened.
"But...that's...is that the dude you work with? The new guy? New-ish guy?"
"Yeah, the frat boy. He asked me out last week, on a date."
I chuckled breathily.
"You sure get around."
"It's not like that. At least...I don't think so."
"Huh?"
"To be honest, I don't know what it is," the lion spoke. "I only know that the guy came over to me and asked me if I could go out with him, because he really wants to go out with some more experienced dude and learn a few tricks. That's how I understand it."
I had to chuckle.
"He wants you to school him?"
He sounded like he was hacking up hairballs again.
"I...I don't think he's gay, I don't think he wants ME, strictly, but that he wants someone to give him some hints about how to give a good time in town."
"And he comes asking the hot daddy lion for a practice run..."
I bet he made a face. He deserved it.
"You have a way of making everything sound so much worse than it is, Peter, did you know that?"
"Proud of it, too," I leered to myself, and let it go into my voice as well.
"Ha-ha."
"Do you want to angst about that too?"
My lion didn't sound too keen on the prospect. I bet his tail was tying itself into a knot around his leg. It was so damn cute when he used to do that all the time when he was nervous, before he learned out of it, slowly. He still did it, though, and I suspected this was one of the times.
"Maybe he just wants some tips on how to hit on older women. What's with the cougars and all that?"
"Then he should date that Marge of yours. She's a MILF isn't she?"
"Oh, fucking Christ, Peter!"
I chuckled innocently.
"Girl tips from Rory then. Alright."
"That's just a thought," he said, sounding like he was scratching his ear while speaking to the phone too, causing the noise to be transmitted to my own flicking ear. "I don't know what it is. Maybe he just wants to hang around with me or something, and he just...came up with a weird way of saying it, and I'm hanging onto those words."
"Maybe. But are you feeling weird about it?"
"Not particularly," Rory told me. "He's taking it awfully serious, though, I feel like I'm responsible."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, I mean...he's been asking me for dressing tips and whether he should bring gifts and that kind of stuff. It's...I don't know what to say about it. He really is taking it really seriously as practice for a real date. What if I'm going to ruin some future relationship for him by giving him fucking bad advice about how to...you know, give a good time to a girl?"
"You could just tell him that you only know about giving a dude a good time, but you're hoping that the same principles apply with girls as well."
Rory sighed.
"You know I'm not out at work, Peter, and you know why."
I sighed too.
"I know, Rowreeh, I do."
More scratching noises.
"It's just one evening, I'm sure I can think of some...universals, that he can use, if he wants to, and tell him that it's just my way of doing things and he shouldn't think it's the only right way."
"I guess that makes sense."
"Well I hope so," he sounded feverish.
"Well, do you want to do it at all?"
The big lion rumbled deeply.
"I don't think I can fuck anything up any worse than I already did, so I think I'll just do it. Don't want to let anyone else down anymore. They don't deserve it, nobody does."
"Then you'll do your best."
"He's really looking forward to it, Peter, he really does."
"Well who wouldn't be excited over the prospect of a date with a nice, fun lion like you, Rory?" I nudged.
That didn't go down very well.
"Colin thought the same."
I held back my snuffle.
"You have to sort that out, too, Rory."
"I know, Peter, I know."
"So what're you going to do about it?" I knew I was going to repeat that question until the answer satisfied me.
"Tell him I'm sorry, of course!" the lion groaned. "And explain about things."
"And the rest of the stuff?"
"I'll...think about that too."
I tsked.
"And I really thought that your social life was as dull as mine," I shook my head softly to myself.
"I liked it that way."
"Did you?"
"Well...not really."
I chuckled.
"I know."
"Well I don't know," my lion said. "It's just been so weird for the past month...it just...something's really happening for the first time in a long time. Something good, I guess, whatever will come of it, but it's something."
"You do sound like it."
"Guess part of it is screwing everything up, too," Rory muttered.
"Of course, that's how it goes 90 percent of the time, anyway, "I grumbled. "Have to catch the good moments and make the best out of them. Believe me, I know."
"I know, Peter, I do."
"Good."
"Oh, shit..."
"I do wish you'd talked about this before."
"I wish that too."
"Do you feel any better now?"
"Yeah, I guess."
It was a time for a snuffle.
"Good."
"I'm really sorry, now I've been going on and on and didn't even properly ask how you're doing," Rory sounded even sourer now.
"Never mind," I rumbled. "My leg is fine, I could put my weight on it this morning."
"Have you been keeping off your paws though?"
"Of course I have," I replied. "And I'm taking the Vicodin, and being careful, and not stressing myself, and I'm eating well. Everything's going just like it should be. Thank you for the concern, Rowreeh."
"Yeah, just tell if there's anything you need and I'll come right over."
"It's fine now, Rory, thank you."
"Uh...okay."
"Anything else you want to talk about?"
I could almost see the cogs turning in his head.
"I think I'm fine now, I...thank you, Peter."
"No problem, Rory, no problem at all."
"Okay, thanks. I'll call you tomorrow to see how you're doing, alright?"
"If you insist."
"Of course I do!"
"Alright, Rowreeh. Try to get a good sleep, ok?"
"Okay...you too, Peter."
"Bye, Rory."
"Bye."
What a lion.
*
*beep*
Oh, crap.
My phone felt hot in my paw after being held up against my cheek for so long, and I had to rub my cheek afterwards, as I put my phone down, yawned, scratched my belly, and stretched my phone-stiff arm.
Blaaargh.
I had coffee in a bizarre Christmas-themed mug that was shaped like a reindeer's head, in a manner that the antler served as the handle, which I now used to dip more of the lifesaving liquid into my muzzle. It had gone a bit stale during my long call with Peter, but at least it was coffee. There was always hope when there was coffee.
I gave the abandoned phone on the table a glance, frowned at the terrible aftertaste of the coffee, and then buried my face in my palms.
Shit.
I wasn't sure whether I felt cheered up after my talk with Peter, but at least the cougar had said the things I needed to hear, or so I thought.
Stupid lion.
Bad lion.
Thoughtless lion.
Hopeless lion.
No, I didn't want to feel hopeless. I knew too well what I had done and how that had made me feel, and how it must have felt for Colin, too, after being turned down so rudely.
No wonder he hadn't answered to my text yet.
I picked up my phone and quickly browsed into my recently sent texts, to read the message again, just in case.
I'm so sorry Colin,
I don't know what I
was thinking and I'm
sorry I somehow gave
the wrong impression.
Please give me a call
if you want to talk.
Rory.
_ _
My ears flattened and my chest tightened as I read through the lame words of consolation I had offered for the tiger. It was pathetic. It was all my fault, anyway. How could I have been so blind? He had gone through all the motions of careful courting, he had been subtle and...almost romantic, even if it was simply a short-term entanglement he was after. Hell, if it wasn't for the fact that I had no idea what was going on, it might have been a great little spicing up event in my life. Attention from a cool tiger who also wanted to bed me...what else could I have hoped for?
HOW ABOUT VICTOR RORY HOW ABOUT VICTOR YOU WANT TO BED HIM AND HAVE ROMANTIC TIMES WITH HIM AND YOU WANT TO DO HIM IN THE ASS AND BUY HIM BEEF JERKY AND LACTOSE FREE CHOCOLATES AND THEN YOU CANT GO ON DOING THAT SAME STUFF WITH TIGERS THAT'S NAUGHTY RORY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
Rory-Cobb was right of course. Victor's prominent presence in my head must have been the main reason why I had missed all the cues and acted like a total idiot.
So, was Peter right then? Did I latch onto furs so much that if I had my mind set on someone, there was no room for anyone else? Was that happening with Victor?
Well, I did lust after him for weeks even without knowing anything about him...I almost stalked him...
But I had my reasons, didn't I? I had nice times with him and wanted to have that again, and now I'd been doing everything I could to see if we could have some more nice times, and see where we were going. There wasn't anything bad about that, was there?
YES THERE IS IF YOU KEEP HURTING THEM RORY RORY RORY RORY!
"Shut up," I snorted.
I wasn't sure whether constant guilt tripping would do me any good either, and probably it was doing even less good than the bad coffee I insisted on drinking.
Did it make any sense?
I gave my phone a lovelorn look and wondered whether I should simply dial the tiger's number, call Colin, and beg him for forgiveness for me, the asshole of a lion who turned his holiday into a disaster? I'd deserve him shouting at me, or calling names, or the coldness that was bound to be the result of having all his hopes shot down with a Rory-shaped cruise missile.
Would he even want to talk with me? I could understand if he didn't, but...you'd think that he would want to sort this out as much as I did...
I gave the phone one final look and put it down. My earlier coffee was already making itself known, and I had to heave myself off the chair, stretch my tail, and go to the bathroom for a much needed break. At least the smooth flow of troublesome liquid from my body served as a comfort, and the rattle made my ears flick in a relaxed way, not the tense flatness that was haunting me still.
I was only halfway done when the phone started to ring.
"Shit!" I huffed, my head hung, simply trying to relax into the normal, soothing function.
I barely had the time to do the customary shaking before I splashed some water over my paws and went back. My heart was already pounding in my chest. It had to be Colin, it had to be the tiger, wanting to deal with this like an adult, unlike I had done, and we would talk and...
VICTOR HOLDEN IS CALLING
_ _
My tail tried to coil itself around my leg as I sighted the word and felt oddly deflated. It wasn't Colin after all, it was Victor, he had probably managed to catch some Cobb-free time and was now wanting to spend that time with me, talking about our fun days.
"Oh, man..." I shook my head as I picked up the phone and then crashed down onto my couch and lifted the phone up to my ear.
"Hi, Victor!" I greeted loudly. "How're you doing?"
I could hear the sound of loud cheering and rumbling from the other end of the line, and I could hear a breath, too, before the familiar, soothing voice spoke.
"Hi, Rory!"
Another fur who was so happy hearing my voice...just like Colin had been...and now Victor...the cheerful of that greeting was more than enough to erode any traces of happyhappy from my own voice.
"Hi..."
The noises seemed to intensify.
"COBB PUT THAT DOWN WILL YOU?"
My ears flicked with surprise at the sudden booming coming from the phone, but after a cacophony of sounds and another "DOWN!" yelped by Victor, I could hear the background noises waning, and a more quiet, albeit rumbling and deep, canine voice returned to my sensory pleasure.
"Sorry about that, Rory. Cobb's watching American Gladiators and he just witnessed how The Pit Boss got smacked down in The Joust by The Excruciator."
I couldn't help but smile.
"Sounds like he's happy," I whispered.
"He is," Victor sounded like he was smiling, probably in that "I couldn't help but" way that I was experiencing even now.
"That's great!"
"Yeah, heheh."
What a beautiful sound...the laugh of a fur who didn't hate me.
"How did you manage to escape from watching the gladiators?" I asked.
"Well..."
My belly lurched a little. Wells never ended too well for me these days, did they now?
"Yeah?" I rasped.
"I'm...well I'm actually calling because Cobb told me to."
By this time, very little could surprise me anymore.
"Oh?" I managed.
"WHOOOOOOOOOO!"
Victor snorted.
"Sorry, let me get to the bedroom..." I could hear a soft thump, "...okay, this is better...right...he should be busy for a few minutes more at least."
Victor's voice softened again.
"So...well, Cobb's leaving on Saturday, and he...he insists that he wants to meet you again, before he leaves. He's quite...set to it."
I could easily imagine all the colorful turns of phrase he used to make that request to Victor, and cringed out of sympathy.
"He is?" I feared the answer.
"Yeah, he...he wants to cook for us...the three of us, on Friday evening."
"Can he cook?" I slipped.
"He's...enthusiastic about it."
Victor didn't sound so hopeful.
"Okay..."
"I know it sounds like a repeat performance of that first night, Rory, but...well, he's promised to behave, and he really wants to meet you, I think he really does."
HEY HEY RORY HI SO NICE TO MEET MY BROTHERS FAVORITE FAG HOWRE YOU DOING ARE YOU BUSY DOING GAY THINGS? HOPEFULLY YOULL BE DOING A LOT OF GAY THINGS WITH VICTOR SOON HE HASN'T HAD ANYONE TO DO ALL THE RAINBOW STUFF SINCE HE BROKE UP WITH THAT NO GOOD ISAAC AND I REALLY WANT TO KNOW THAT YOURE A GOOD LION FOR MY BROTHER IF YOURE NOT I'LL CRUSH YOUR MUZZLE AND YOU CAN SEE ME IM BIG ENOUGH TO DO THAT!
"I see," I rubbed a weary paw over my face and waited for the inevitable.
"Of course if you don't want come, that's okay, too."
There was no fucking way I was going to disappoint anyone else anymore.
"Of course I want to come!" I said quickly. "I'd really like to see you, Victor, and...well, there's no need to disappoint Cobb either, is there?"
Victor chuffed.
"I might be hearing about how I'm trying to hide you from him for a while, yeah."
"Well we don't want any of that," I hurried to say. "I want to come."
"That's great!"
The Dobie really did sound that it was great. It was beautiful. I felt awful.
"Yeah," I added lamely.
"And there's more to it, too."
Please please no more chocolates...
_ _
"Oh?" I rumbled.
"Cobb...well..." Victor sounded oddly bashfully when he spoke, "he says that if you like, you could...sleep over."
I breathed out, unable to hold it back. My chest almost hurt.
"Really?" I managed.
"Yeah...he...well, he says that since we're...grown men, as he says, he thinks that it's alright if you come over and stay the night," Victor rumbled. "And I guess he's right."
"I think so," I murmured, after swallowing deeply.
"You know, Rory...if you sleep over...we could...take Cobb to the station in the morning and...you know...then do something together, if you like. Maybe have some lunch or catch a movie or anything you'd like."
Oh, Victor...
"Are you asking me out, Victor?" I rumbled.
"Are you playing coy?" Victor replied.
I wish I were. He sounded so excited about the prospect of some private time with me...just like...shit...
"No" I replied quickly. "Maybe."
Victor laughed.
"I think you are," his voice rumbled down into that sexy drawl that he knew how to use for the best effect...and it worked.
"Okay," I mumbled.
"You alright, Rory?" Victor sounded concerned. "You're a little bit quiet. I hope Cobb's invitation is not giving you any trouble."
I wish.
"It's just...it's really been a long day, Victor, I'm pretty tired."
I'd find a way to tell him, once I could do it face to face, and when it was peaceful. That was the only thing I could think of. No more pain for anyone else.
"Yeah, it's been a day," Victor grumbled. "Toby had misplaced some receipts and I had to spend hours going through the books for the stapler and file folder departments. They're still on paper, so it was a total menace going through all that stuff."
The Dobie huffed and sounded even more like he needed a good distraction, maybe in the shape of a lion.
"Well, now you've got Friday to look forward to!" I mustered my cheer for the occasion.
"Heheh, true!" Victor declared. "I'm really glad that you can come, Rory."
"I'm glad too," I spoke, honestly.
"I'll ask Cobb about what he has in mind and...call you back tomorrow, maybe?"
"Uhh...okay, that sounds fine."
"Great!" I'll see you soon, Rory!"
"Yeah, see you, Victor."
"Goodnight, Rory."
"Goodnight, Victor."
The closing beep sounded oddly final, when I put the phone down over my quietly chest and stared at the ceiling.
*
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