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To Dream of Darkness

A story by DoggyStyle57

Chapter 10, Written December 2011

===

Chapter 10 - The dark emptiness within

Dark Wind considered the demon's offer. He could make her immune to the nightmares, but at the cost of also being unable to know love or true affection? Did she really even have a choice? She took a deep breath, and replied to the demon, refusing to act afraid, in spite of its terrifying appearance.

"My parents are the only ones I have ever loved, or who ever loved me. And what did that get them? They died defending me, because they loved me. Love killed them. I don't really love any of the wolves, though I guess I am sort of fond of Bent Ear and the other half-wolf brothers and sisters that my father sired, much as I was fond of the dogs that my father owned and bred. From what you say, that wouldn't change. I could still be fond of them, as I would with pets?" she asked the demon.

"That is true," the demon said, as the tortured bodies and faces embedded in its fog-like body twisted and writhed, their faces regarding her all at once. "What little affection for them I feel you have in your mind now would remain unchanged."

"And what use is there in being able to love, if these nightmares drive me mad? Either way, it seems the die was cast when I chose to slay my enemies in the village with nightmare. Accept your aid or not, I will soon be unable to understand this thing called love. To choose is to make a choice between madness and sanity. I could choose to die, from being insane and unable to defend myself, or even unable to tend to my body's needs. Or I can choose to survive, and seek to gain greater power. I choose to survive. I must. I will accept your price. Love is a weakness I cannot afford. Now free me from these nightmares so I may sleep restfully, and make me immune to nightmare and fear," she said.

"Let it be done, then," the many mouths and faces of the demon said, as the roiling mist that was its body reached out a thick tendril, that with a sudden and startling swiftness crossed the protective circle, no longer a barrier as she had granted the demon permission to complete their bargain, and shot straight into Dark Wind's mouth.

The wolf girl stiffened and arched her back, and then screamed once as if in agony, before collapsing in a heap on the floor of her cave. As she fell unconscious, her shape became that of a four-legged wolf again, and no longer a hybrid of wolf and human features. For a brief moment, a face that looked like Dark Wind's 'werewolf' form appeared on the surface of the demon, before vanishing within it.

"You have not cheated her, have you?" Asha asked. "She will live?"

"Do you actually care about this mortal?" the demon asked. It seemed surprised that the elemental acted as if it mattered to her. Many creatures from their realm, including most elementals, would not hesitate to take advantage of a mage that dealt inexpertly with them, and would often trick them into bad agreements.

"No! I... She amuses me, that is all," Asha insisted, hesitantly. Did she care about Dark Wind? She wondered about that herself. This foolish, impulsive child, part animal and part Human, certainly intrigued her. For one so young to have cast the spells she had, at the level of power she had, was almost unheard of. Her parents must have been quite powerful in magic. And yet from what Dark Wind had told her, they had died so easily - unable, or unwilling, to use the greater spells that this child commanded with ease - spells that they had complete access to in the very books that the child now learned from. The potential of this wolf-girl was unlike any mage Asha had ever served, and she had lived for 437 years, as the men of this realm count time. But usually the people of her own realm strongly resented being torn from their own realm and forced to serve another. She replied, cautiously, "I am bound as her familiar. Her death would free me, but nothing else will, unless she willingly releases me before my seven years are up. However, she did order me to protect her, so I must, if I can."

"That is all there is to it? Really? Well, if you say so. I will assure you that I dealt fairly with her. I can get a high price for her capacity to love, and removing that weakness from her was necessary if she truly wants to master Nightmare in all its aspects. And as a bonus to me, the terrors that her victims died from are now part of my own means of attack. Some of them were... quite innovative. She has gained precisely what she asked for. The ill effects of her past spell casting have been eased. She will no longer be haunted by the detailed knowledge of the terrifying manner in which each of her victims died. She will only recall that their worst fears killed them. Once she awakens, the manner of their deaths will trouble her no more than the memory that she has caused so many deaths. She will still know, however, exactly how many she has killed, and who they were," the demon said. "She is sleeping normally now, and is merely exhausted. When she awakens, it will be up to her if she survives or not. She will be immune to future attacks by fear and nightmare, and casting such spells will no longer rebound on her. Love and affection will be equally unable to affect her. She did make one mistake in her request, however. She did not think to ask to be free of her own conscience, as well. When she reflects on what she has done, and what it may yet cost those wolves that aided her, she may yet regret her actions."

"Perhaps that wasn't a mistake," Asha mused, after the demon vanished. "Perhaps that gives her some hope of redemption, if she still has a conscience."

===

Dark Wind slept for a day and a half. When she awoke, Asha gave her a fresh deer haunch, raw but with the fur and hide seared off by elemental fire. Dark Wind did not hesitate in eating it. She had eaten little since the day of her attack on the village, and now she was ravenous. Dark Wind was half way through consuming the delicious, mostly raw meat before she paused and looked at the elemental, and asked, "Did you kill this for me? Where did this come from? I had no meat in the cave, before the summoning."

"No, I just skinned it with my flames. I wasn't sure if you'd want it cooked or not, with you in wolf form. A wolf from the pack brought it. He is outside of the cave now," Asha replied.

"I thought you couldn't talk to them? How did you get one of them to bring me food?" Dark Wind asked.

"I... didn't. He came of his own accord. When I heard him outside the cave, I assumed your appearance as a wolf, and stuck just my head out of the cave. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say, but he said a lot, and he was quite insistent on remaining there. I acted as if I was ill, as an explanation for not speaking to him. After a while, he went away for several hours, and then returned a few minutes ago with that meat, and laid it before my nose. I dragged it inside, and gave it to you," Asha replied.

"What did this wolf look like?" Dark Wind asked absently, as she gnawed the last bits of flesh from the bone, and then cracked the bones in her jaws and started lapping the tasty marrow from within them.

"Like this, except male," Asha replied, and her humanoid fox shape shifted to a large and powerful looking grey timber wolf, with white fur on three legs. Her front right leg had white fur only on the paw, and was dark above that.

"Oh, that would be Three Socks. Though he prefers to be called 'Elk Killer' now. He is one of the wolves that wanted to mate with me last time I was in heat," Dark Wind replied.

"He was sniffing the air a lot. Was that because it is mating time again?" Asha asked.

She sniffed at herself, and said, "Yes. It usually begins around the time of the first snows. I have just come into heat again, and he can smell it. I guess he hasn't given up yet, in spite of my refusing mating with him last year. Since then, he has become one of the strongest hunters in the pack, but he still has no mate, since he took no other last mating season. Last spring, he killed a yearling elk by himself, trying to impress the pack with his strength, and me with his ability as a provider. The elk almost kicked him to death, but he did kill it, unaided. I suppose I should thank him for this."

"Are you going to refuse him again, or mate with him?" Asha asked curiously. "Couldn't you become the leader of the wolf pack, if you had a strong mate?"

"I don't know," Dark Wind replied, looking thoughtful. "He probably has something like that in mind. Maybe I should let him have his fun. I can't bear a litter any more, thanks to my deal with you. And if the demon spoke truly, mating with him would no longer result in me being pair-bonded to him for life, as is the way among breeding pairs of wolves. Stay out of sight. I will see what he has to say."

Elk Killer regarded her cautiously, as Dark Wind stepped out of the cave. "Are you willing to talk to me yet? Will you at least give me an answer? Will you be my mate?" he asked.

"I feel better, now that I have eaten. Thank you, for that nice fresh meat. Let me hear your plea one more time. After my clear refusal last year, I am still a little surprised that you keep pursuing me," Dark Wind said, as she lay comfortably in the snow in front of her cave, licking the deer blood off her paws and muzzle. "Tell me again why I should allow you to mate with me."

"If you insist. I can understand why you might hesitate, but I still think that it is the best way for both of us to rise to lead this pack," the wolf replied. "Mate with me. As one of the feral folk, you are special among us. None of the rest of the pack can use magic, like you, or like your father before you. I know you have said before that although you could bear wolf puppies, no wolf could give you puppies that would have magic. I know you were told that you must breed to a man-like creature to bear magical offspring. But will you not consider what I revealed to you? My mother was also descended from the feral folk, though her mother had always claimed One Ear was my mother's father. My mother's true father was a feral folk mage that passed through the area the winter before her birth, and who sheltered in her den. And my father was your father.I am your half brother, but I am also the only male in the pack with the blood of two feral folk mages. Is there not at least some chance that I have enough of man's magic in my blood to sire magical pups, if I breed with a feral folk female, like you? And even if I can't, with your magic and my strength, who would challenge us? Bent Ear? He and his mate seek to go North in the spring, to seek a new hunting grounds and start a new pack of their own. Several of the youngest wolves will go with them, including most of the other wolves sired by our father. I am stronger than Midnight was, but I cannot take his rank in the pack as a breeding male unless I have a mate. And I will settle for no less than you."

"You would have us challenge Grey Shadow and Moonlight?" Dark Wind asked, as she digested this revelation about Elk Killer's mother, which was news to her. That the wolf was her half brother, sired by her father, was one of many reasons she refused him last year, though now it no longer mattered to her, since she knew she couldn't bear puppies any more. And she was curious, in a detached way, about what mating was like.

"We don't need to challenge them, if you do not want to," Elk Killer replied. "They are old. We are young. Bent Ear and his mate are leaving. If we are accepted as one of the two or three other breeding pairs in the pack, I am sure we could challenge the others when our alphas pass. Why will you not accept my offer?"

Dark Wind stood, turned, and her eyes glowed for a moment as she altered the wards to allow this wolf to pass. Then she looked back over her shoulder, and said, "Come into my den. If you can make me have pups, you'll get your wish. But speak to no other wolf of this, until my belly begins to swell. Only then may you claim me as your mate, and seek Midnight's rank."

For the next week, she allowed the wolf to mate with her. He took her virginity, and mated with a very vigorous enthusiasm. Yet each time, when he was unable to continue, she had him return to the pack, as if his request had been refused. It was pleasurable, but she did not feel even the vaguest hint of a pair-bond with him, though the air had been thick with wolf pheromones, and he certainly seemed to be pair-bonding with her. She knew she was just using him, to sate the desires forced on her by being in heat, but she didn't care.

When her heat ended, she mated with him one last time, and then she gazed deep into his eyes, and as they glowed bright green with her magic, she enthralled him with her gaze, and commanded, "Forget that we ever mated. There are three other females in the pack that are coming into heat. Mate with one of them, and be happy with your puppies and your life in the pack, as you rise to lead it. Do not regret that I refused you again."

===

When Elk Killer was gone, Dark Wind called out, "Asha? You may come out of hiding now."

The elemental, in wolf form herself and almost identical to Dark Wind in appearance, sniffed the air, and then she asked with a smile, "Well, I trust you had fun, Mistress? Couldn't you bring yourself to share him?"

"It hurt, the first time. After that, it was pleasurable enough, but emotionally empty, for me. It never occurred to me that you might be interested in making him think you were me, and mating with him yourself. Do elementals even have sex?" Dark Wind asked, bemused.

"Oh, yes, definitely," Asha replied. "I told you I really am female. Many mages use their familiars as lovers, and in our own realm, we mate and breed much as you do. Why, did you think a fire elemental reproduces by merely igniting something nearby, and calling the flame their child?"

"I had never given the matter any thought, to tell you the truth. My parents taught me about how dogs and wolves mate. But they hadn't quite gotten around to talking to me yet about how our own kind reproduces, or how other species do it," Dark Wind said. "Do you... have needs, that way? Do you go into heat?"

Asha laughed aloud at that question. "Mistress, that was quite funny! 'Does a fire elemental go into heat?' I shall have to remember that line. But to answer you, no, I don't have cyclical, uncontrollable urges, like a dog or a wolf does. I'm more like a Human in that regard. I can mate when I choose, and can go without a mate for quite a while. Mating is pleasant, but not at all necessary for me."

"Oh. So if a male mage had bound you to him, maybe he would have done as you said, and asked you to mate with him occasionally. I suppose it is not that good for you then, that you're stuck serving me for seven years, and we're both girls," Dark Wind replied.

"Why would that matter, Mistress? I would serve you that way if you ask it of me. It matters not to me. Did you not know that two females can pleasure each other?" Asha asked bluntly. "For that matter, though I cannot change my gender, I believe a feral folk mage can. So if you really wanted to, you could probably become a male wolf or dog, temporarily. You just couldn't get any female pregnant, any more so than you can get pregnant yourself, since I still have your fertility."

Dark Wind blinked, and would have blushed if she had been in Human form. And then she said, "They can? No, I wasn't aware that females could... pleasure each other. I guess there is still a lot I don't know about mating. Come to think of it, you're right about the gender swapping. I had almost forgotten, but father could become female, and he told me once that he could even bear puppies in that form, if he chose to allow a mating. Ummm... No offense, but I don't think I want to mate with you just now. My heat has ended, and my need has waned. But I... guess I will keep that in mind."

"As you wish, Mistress. But next time you mate, I wouldn't mind sharing him, or her, with you," Asha said. "I am curious about one thing, however, if I may be so bold as to ask. Why did you compel the wolf to forget you mated, and command him to seek another mate? Why not accept him as your mate, and simply appear to be barren? You likely could have led the pack even without producing puppies."

"I could offer him nothing but empty lies, and a barren den. Wolves mate for life. If he remembered mating me, he could take no other mate, while I live. He... deserved more than that. Now he is free to seek a true mate, and become the next pack alpha. I am sure he can do so without my aid," Dark Wind replied. "I am leaving the pack, Asha. They have sheltered me long enough. If I remain, I will bring them only sadness, and death."

"Where will we go then, Mistress?" Asha asked calmly.

"In the spell books, I found a spell that opens a portal to other realms. We will find a new world, where mages are not despised. Maybe we can find one where I would not even need to appear Human to be accepted. I weary of this world, and the cycle of revenge here will never end," Dark Wind said. "It is time to go, and make a new beginning."