Lost to Dreams
#3 of The Time Between
A vignette that sets the stage for a more significant chapter in the tale of John and Tarvos. A private conversation invades John's dreams, and he is left to make sense of it alone. Almost certainly confusing if you have not read the previous two chapters of 'The Time Between' - and probably somewhat confusing even if you have, but that is the nature of dreams. Again, thank you for reading, and I greatly hope you enjoy.
The words stirred me. I knew he was not here, left but recently, for the bed was still warm, and smelled of him, and fragments of the conversation drifted to me as I dozed fitfully in his absence.
Snow drifted on the mountain, but I was not cold. I was with him. True to his word, he protected me from the elements - I had but to hold his hand, and I was safe. He cannot take you, said the mountain, like a scream of wind, cutting, and I was losing my grip on him. He reached out, trying to grab me...
He did, he made it, though I did not see it, but I felt his grip on me. "We will get by," he said, and smiled. I felt colder, though, still. Something was wrong.
"And when he dies, you will die," he said, his kind features becoming cold like stone, speaking as the voice of the mountain, eyes of another. "You have given him your heart."
It was true! I had given him my heart, and now I would die! I felt so cold, empty, without my heart. Darkness enveloped me, and I cried out, but the wind took my voice, and I begged to the heavens for mercy. I love you. I trust you. If this is what you want...
"It is." His hands took me once again, and saved me from the darkness. The sun broke from the clouds, and spring, spring was here! I held him close, and smelled the fields again, as I did when I first met him.
Here the mountain was covered with grass, and the valley stretched out below us. I am old, said the mountain. I have known much travail, and I would rest. And I would leave my bones here, where I have known some happiness.
"It is too soon," said Tarvos, from where I could barely hear him. "Your time has not yet come..."
"I would give him a gift, and through him, to you as well. For your happiness, Tarvos. I will make preparations for the taurobolium. See if he is willing."
"No. Do not do this, we need you."
"And you need him. Do not make me ask him, nephew," said Oretas, "I would not burden him thus."
"But how can I?" Tarvos cried out as I lay in the darkness, fully awake, listening to their conversation.
I imagined Oretas holding him close in his embrace as I heard his sigh. "There there, Tarvos. It will be alright, I promise. The chain between your hearts is far stronger than any trouble this world will show you, and together you will be stronger for it. Now go back to him, for he will be cold, I think, and wondering where you are. We will discuss this more anon."
At this I closed my eyes and stilled my breathing, pretending to be asleep as I did when I was a child. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, Tarvos crept into the room and with a nimbleness that belied his great size silently lay beside me. At first he lay to himself, but eventually he put his arm around me gently, rubbing chest and belly softly.
As his breath became more ragged, I gave up all pretence of being asleep and held close to him as he did the same, and he sobbed in the darkness softly.
I said nothing, only rubbing him as I lay across his chest, held tightly.
He was asleep far before I, lost to dreams, leaving me to ponder Oretas' words in the darkness.