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Allison's Journal I - Diamonds Are a Coon's Best Friend

I'm writing this because my dear friends have suggested that I would benefit from keeping a log of my extensive loot so I can keep some kind of order in my vault. They say that's the reason, but I have a suspicion that they've just got bored of waiting while I find things. I've tried explaining to them that losing things is part of the fun of having all these things, but they seem to have a bizarre notion in their heads that my mess vault is a completely impregnable fortress! Had they the instincts of a raccoon, I suspect they would think otherwise.However, I am inclined to heed their advice due to recent events, or rather due to the lack of recent events. Being a freelancing master thief leaves one with quite a tragic amount of spare time. But being the raccoon I am, instead of oppressive spreadsheets and databases I've opted to keep a journal describing each shiny piece of loot and detailing the adventure that led me to become its owner.I'm telling the stories in no particular order, but occasionally one object will lead me to another in a loose 'saga' of entries, so I'll try to keep them together and in order as much as possible. I'm including this particular saga first because it includes my first meeting with a certain important character in my life. But enough prefacing, I'm itching to get storytelling.

 It seems terribly trivial to go to so much trouble to retrieve a simple key, but I should say that it wasn't until afterwards that I discovered the true potential of it. More about that later, first I'm endeavouring to recall the events of an evening a long time ago now.It was a rainy evening and I was tucked up in front of a roaring fire in my den, hidden deep in the forest on the City outskirts as it has always been. I fancied having a lovely winter's week curled up in my den since the snow was rather too thick to permit me to leave, but that all changed when the National Geographic magazine informed me that a mouth-wateringly voluptuous diamond would be arriving in the City later that week.It was arriving as part of the personal collection of globe-trotting weasel Orville Boggs, the Grand Explorer in his own League of Exploration, a society of eponymous interests. I had only dealt with him once before when his son invited me to one his 'gala evenings' to show off his personal collection of treasures from throughout the world. He's a terribly vain man and loves nothing more than inviting all the big names in the City over to his sizable manor and show off his exotic knick-knacks, so to speak. And he would be unleashing them again in several days with the diamond as a centrepiece. What's more, he had more (uninteresting) pieces on the way, so he would probably be hosting more of these events in the coming weeks!

 My mind was suddenly racked with scraps of

plans and entry routes and all manner of possibilities to get the diamond, but in the end I settled with the fact that gala heists are a pain in the arse and it would be better to use this as an opportunity to get reconnaissance and meet some new people; I'm not what you'd call a sociable kind of guy, but any opportunity to get dressed up all foppish is one worth taking!Not quite knowing what to expect from an egotistical collector of desirable shinies, I wrapped myself in finery and headed out into the City. I pocketed a discreet little camera that I often use for reconnaissance; it helps me to visualise my plan later on. Also it means I can make a slideshow like the ones they have in Sly Cooper, which is really awesome.A kind white cat pointed me to the manor and within minutes I was at the door...being denied entry by the doorman. Clearly Boggs had hired an event planner for this gala; he's far too audacious to deny access to someone who could potentially kiss his ass.

 The air was close that night and I couldn't think about thievery without a shot of Coca-Cola in my belly, so I went off around to the side of the manor to find another entrance. I took note of certain features as I went, in particular the cellar door that would make a great exit point, and a telescopic ladder lay behind a shed which could easily extend up to the roof. At last I found an open window into the men's room and I was on my way to enter when I noticed a pawprint in the flower bed under the window, as if someone had had the same idea as me. Well, great minds think alike, I'm sure.Upon entry and after a small amount of preening in the mirror, I stepped out and merged into the crowd. I saw the mayor of the City there once or twice with his new piece of arm candy, as well as countless high-ups from the League of Explorers, politicians, artists, I'm sure I even saw a skulk of Bedouin fennecs hoarding the hors d'oeuvres table.Then, there it was...the diamond. Encased in glass in the very centre of the room, shining brightly and calling out to me! Such was its beauty that any normal raccoon would have grabbed it right then and made a run for it. I was biding my time. I grabbed a little tart from a passing tray and popped it into my mouth idly. I thought it might be some kind of prawn concoction, but before I could decipher the taste on my tongue there was a tap on my back and I quickly gulped it down.

 "I like the top hat; it's very stylish."I turned around and flashed a suave smile. "It just looks that way because I'm wearing it."She giggled. "Vanity will get you nowhere.""Your father is a pretty convincing argument against that notion.""I assure you there is more to his success than vanity, Allison.""Of

course Saffron, I wasn't insinuating for a moment that great wealth didn't have something to do with it.""Don't be so cynical, darling!" She gave me a playful tap on the chest and much to my embarrassment, it started off a case of hiccups. I could see that her facial expression was saying Aww, that's so cute! and I blushed madly. "Do you want a drink, darling?" I nodded sheepishly, but declined when she called over a wolf bearing a tray of alcohol."You don't have any non-alcoholic beverages, do you?" I asked between hiccups."Okay, I'll get you a glass of water, pussy.""A very responsible pussy!" I retorted."Nonetheless, you're a pussy." She giggled and left the room and I quickly vacated the area. I have to admit I had forgotten that Saffron was Boggs' daughter. I'd met up with her prior to this when she had tried to audition to be my partner in crime, but I insisted that I was fine by myself and that she should stay out of trouble. She wasn't greatly skilled last time I saw her and I didn't want to see such a pretty thing end up behind bars. She's probably developed since then, I can't be sure; she always seemed eager to impress me, if a little too eager.

 I picked my way around to the other side of the room, keeping that shining diamond in my view. I moved around to the snack table, trying to suppress my hiccups so they didn't attract attention to me. I don't know if you've ever tried to remain inconspicuous in a gala full of cultural, political and social aristocracy while trying to avoid chirping like a fool due to hiccups brought on by some kind of prawn tart, but it's really rather difficult. I noticed Boggs himself, wearing a hideously fake monocle and moustache paired with an extravagantly exaggerated tweed suit, topped off with a pith helmet that could not have matched the rest of his ensemble less, clearly only implemented in a vague attempt to him look more explorer-ish. When it comes to fashion sense, I don't like the guy.I gave the rim of my signature top hat a flick to get it out of my eyesight when all the lights in the room strangely flickered. I looked out for any reaction from Boggs, and I was rewarded with a subtle hand signal sent to a burly bear, who didn't seem to be noticing it. That was something to look out for on the heist; I hastily reached into my back pocket to grab the camera and add it to my slideshow, but I found myself grabbing nothing but a taut rump. I gave all my pockets a rapid pat-down but to my dismay, my camera seemed to have disappeared. Another of the burly bears came to aid, which I thought was very thoughtful of him, despite not being great for a thief who's just broken into an exclusive party.

 "Have you lost something, sir?" asked the burly bear, who immediately

seemed to not recognise me, as it were."Erm, gosh...My phone must have fallen out of my pocket...You couldn't help me find it, could you?" I thought I sounded rather convincing. The burly bear thought otherwise."Can I see your invitation, sir?" He eyed me down suspiciously."It's...erm...on my phone! One of those newfangled digital invitations!" It was a long shot, but phones do everything else nowadays, why not digital invitations?"No, I don't think so," grumbled the burly bear, grabbing my arm roughly just as a snifter of water was thrust into paw and I turned to find Saffron's face smiling back at me."Isaac, please stop bothering the guests!" she instructed exasperatedly to the burly bear, who grumbled and returned to his post as Saffron took my paw in her gentle but firm grip and led me through a French window onto a rather scenic balcony. I couldn't help smiling seeing the gentle evening breeze billow through her golden waves of hair set against the burning sunset. That was when I suddenly saw a flutter of white dashing across the grass, which I dismissed. It was just one of the men guarding the grounds. We leant against the stone balustrade; she stared out over the manor's grounds while I kept my eye on the party through the glass. 

 "You should be more careful with your possessions, darling." She smiled and held out my camera, which I hastily swiped back. My face flushed a little; there were some "questionable" photographs on my camera... "Don't worry darling, I saw everything." Nobody has blushed redder than I did at that moment."I almost got kicked out back there! You shouldn't be stealing my stuff!"She let out a snort of laughter. "You shouldn't be breaking into my father's galas.""Are you really so desperate for me to notice you?""Oh, I don't think you've ever had a problem noticing me." She walked over gracefully and closed the French windows, blocking out the sound of the party surprisingly effectively."You seem to have forgotten how gay I am!""Oh please, have you seen the way you dress?" Saffron has a teasingly sharp way with words. Possibly her greatest asset, out of many. "So what are you here for? Gonna seduce me into opening the vault for you?"My eyes perked up. "A vault you say? As tantalising as that sounds, I'm just here on reconnaissance this evening."

 "Let me guess, the diamond?""I can't let something that huge and shiny slip through my paws." I swear I was close to drooling staring at that pristine gem."I must say, it seems awfully odd for you to want to plan before a heist."I chuckled. "Well, I was -"Before I could say any more, the power cut out all around us and the party was flung into darkness."Oh, you were lying," Saffron said, with an expression somewhere between annoyance and deference. All I could muster was an ejaculation of confusion, which was enough to let Saffron know something was wrong and she quickly burst out confidently: "I'll cover in here, satiate the guests. The fusebox is in the cellar. Go quickly."I have to say, I was impressed at her newfound skills and the certain dominant charm she possessed. I wasn't ready to let her work with me, but in this situation I had no choice but to acquiesce. I was just hopping up onto the balustrade to leap down to the grass when the power snapped back on behind me."Fiddlesticks..." I uttered idly as I stepped down from the balustrade and turned around, greeted by the contemptuous glares of at least everyone at the party. Isaac the burly bear hurled himself at me, and in a swift movement I managed to redirect his momentum and throw him off the balcony, but at that moment another burly bear whacked me in the back of the head and held me up in a master lock, shoving me back inside and holding in front of Orville Boggs himself, who was still holding his position next to the diamond display case. Much to my shock, I saw that the display case was now empty, but still completely intact and I couldn't see any signs of forced entry. Whoever pulled this off was good...dangerously good.

 "It would seem we have a thief in our midst!" Boggs bellowed, playing up for the crowd rather noticeably. "How adorable that you thought you could steal the diamond from right under my nose! My nose! Inconceivable!" He addressed the burly bear holding me up. "Joel...show him that there are consequences for crossing Grand Explorer Orville Boggs! Make him pay for his insolence!"The crowd roared into cheers and applause as Joel dragged me away. I was still a little woozy from the bang to the head so I didn't see exactly where he was taking me, but I remember being dragged down a set of stairs into a dank, claustrophobic chamber, most likely the cellar.I must admit that at first, the handcuffs he applied to my wrists made me worry just what kind of punishment I was in for, but he threw me down and pounded my face with his furious fists. Within minutes I had a throbbing black eye that sealed my left eye shut and blood trickled idly from my nose and mouth. The ferrous taste sent a grimace across my face, though not as much as what I saw Joel doing in preparation for the next round of punishment.

 He drew a red hot poker from within a stove, the tip glowing brightly and drooling smoke out over Joel's face. Holding it under my nose and drawing

sweat from my face, I could see some kind of twisted pleasure in his face. He giggled maniacally and grabbed me roughly, holding my right eye open with his thick fingers and moving the red hot poker in closer and closer and closer...My eye stung from lack of blinking and the evil glow of the poker was getting close to blinding me as I heard Joel growl: "What a pretty thing, too...such a shame..."I spat in his face. In hindsight it was quite a rude thing to do after he'd complimented me like that, but it felt appropriate at the time. Joel clearly didn't agree, as he drew back the poker ready to deal the final blow. My life flashed before my eyes at that moment, from saddening memories of Archadia to my nomadic years, through to settling in the City. I got a montage of all my jobs, sneaking and dashing and swiping and pickpocketing and spying and that magnificent feeling you get when you're holding your shiny prize in your paws, like nothing else you could ever experience...but here I was, about to be killed or at least partially blinded for a heist I didn't even do. If I find whoever did this, I'm gonna steal that diamond back from him before he can even get it home...that'll show him.Here it comes...

 Any moment now...BANG!Something warm splattered over me as I felt Joel collapse on top of me, limp and lifeless. I panted as I squirmed out from under him; close shaves like that always left me a bit shaky. Then the shaking stopped and was replaced with a kind of rageful disappointment as I saw Saffron's slender form before me brandishing a handgun with smoke pouring from its barrel. She stepped over to me and thrust something into my paws."Got you a present from the vault. Must be difficult, a near-miss like that."I looked back over at Joel's slumped form for a moment. "Tell me about it..." The object in my paws was some kind of urn made out of a strange material, and I couldn't decipher what civilisation it might have come from, except that it was very old indeed. I didn't look up to much with a dull brown surface and a lid that seemed to be fused onto the urn itself. I asked in an expressionless tone: "What is this?""I didn't hear a thank you for saving your life, darling.""You want me to thank you for killing a man? A man who you could easily have knocked out with a blunt object, who could have gone back to his wife and children tonight, a man whose life you chose to steal from him instead? You want me to thank you for that?" I tried not to raise my voice too much, I knew that upstairs they still thought I was dead and all I could think about now was escaping. Saffron looked taken aback, but I didn't care. I had no more to say to her. "I don't know if this was some kind of attempt to impress me again, but

I'm afraid you've failed horrifically." I took a step towards a side passage where I could see pillars of light from the cellar door. "We're thieves, Saffron. Not assassins."

 I headed off the corridor and left her to her wide futures. An old door flung itself closed behind me as I heard the whole party come down to investigate the noise, then Saffron pleading, Boggs shouting, a voice vowed revenge and finally a crushing feeling swept through me as the mayor ordered for her immediate arrest.It was a mistake ever coming to this party! I should have stayed curled up in front of the fire; I should have read something else! Heck, I should never have stolen that Nat Geo magazine in the first place!There were thumping, dragging footsteps behind me and I recognised the blood-curdling semi-lifeless snarls of Joel. Not in any mood for extravagant combat and feeling rather sorry for the dying man, I clamped my paws to the urn's handles and swung it around, shattering into a galaxy of brown shards that tore his face apart. It was too painful to look. Someone must have heard the noise, but luckily Joel had locked the old door and bought me some time. I knelt down to him."Thanks, guy. Sleep well."

 That was when I saw the key. A brightly shining, flamboyantly designed key that must have been inside the urn. If it was all I was going to get out of this hateful evening, then so be it. I pocketed it and ran, pretty-much shoulder-barging my way through the cellar door (which I regretted in the morning) and hopping the fence, scrambling down a hillock and around a lake that led me vaguely into the City Market where I picked my way back to the Wall and out into the forest. The door to my den has never looked so inviting.What Saffron did was...wrong justifiable wrong. She shouldn't be going around taking lives like that, but...she did save my life. She's new to all this business, so much so that she's not even part of the business yet. She's young and naïve and just needs to learn things before she does them and maybe she'd make a great partner...that's why it's so painful when I recall that the City still deals out capital punishment in response to cases of murder. I know that technically I did the final killing, but I could tell as he approached me that he'd have died anyway; a gunshot like that isn't something you can recover from. In his rage at losing me, Boggs had thrown out the family ties and pinned the consequences on Saffron, deservedly. She still has to go through the courts though, and that would probably take many, many months. I could maybe get around to pulling some strings, getting the punishment lessened somewhat. If I think she's learned her lesson.

 I slumped back down in front of the dying

fire and put my feet up, the warmth radiating through my toes helping to sooth away the soreness from being stood up all evening. There were a considerable number of people in the City who like or have to wear footwear, but I much prefer the au naturel approach. There's nothing more comforting for a thief than being able to feel where you're standing; footwear has this horrible habit of detaching you from the environment. Some say it's safer wearing shoes, but we have pawpads for a reason.My mind was clearly wandering and I was starting to nod off when there came a knock at the door...this late at night? At a top secret location hidden deep in the woods? My mind was boggled by it and I had to open the door. It was snowing and a terribly cold blast of wind and snow swept in across me, but the doorstep was bare except for a little package. I brought it inside and opened it apprehensively. My eyes widened from what I found.Laid on a bed of purple velvet inside the box was the very diamond that had just been stolen from Boggs, along with a note:

Better luck next time, noob!Your new best friend, Tundra <3by AllisonTowers