FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

Everyone has to make a choice that is said to affect everything in their pursuit of happiness. A choice that can ultimately never be reversed and can never be reasoned with, because for whatever reason you made this choice, it's what your heart feels is right. Every fiber of your being, everything in you, your very soul is put on the line for destiny to deem worthy.

At some point in life, everything about you is put to test. Every little memory, good or bad, is judged and evaluated in your heart. Every moment leading you to where you are standing right now is ultimately all your choice and no one else's to decide for you. It's your defining moment that shows the world how good you are. It's your time to be strong and be who you wanna be if you want to be free.

I experienced my defining moment the night Colin came into my life. I struggled the night away. I fought everything I've never known about myself as I sealed my empty memories away so that he and I can create new and better memories I hoped. With him lying on that couch next to my bed that night, his breathing and his heartbeat were a symphony to my ears. On the most sleepless night of my life, I finally felt rested like I had never felt so before. Everything sounded so much more beautiful. Every smell had its beauty. Every drop of sun was warming up everything my eyes could behold that morning.

Everything about who I was, where I had come from, how I escaped just seemed so suddenly to fade away when Colin turned my way while still in his slumber, his smile worth everything in the world to me now. For once in my life, I can see a happy ending for me. For once, I don't have to lie anymore. I can be me. Everything about me can finally be real. I owe this fox so much, and I don't even know anything about him. I can say though, with pride and conviction that I trust him.

My dream finally came true... and I'm awake. With this feeling, I'll rest now. With this warmth, I'll finally enjoy a sleep like no other has ever had. With this light, my darkness is gone.

---

"Chris... hey Chris... Aren't you ever going to wake up?" Colin said as I slowly arose from my slumber, blissfully unaware of what time it was and not caring at all. I lifted the corner of my left eye to look at the fox, and smiled so large it opened my right eyelid too. I saw a smile so unique and grand; I could have sworn I had just opened my eyes to the sun itself.

"You're one lazy wolf. Most wolves I know just go and go and go. Yet here you are, sleeping the day away. I've been waiting for you for hours. It's already two or so in the afternoon." Colin said as I finally woke up.

"Oh no... Did I really just sleep the morning away? Oh he must have been waiting forever... oh my wolf god his breakfast..." A wave of embarrassment and shame filled up in me. "Our first morning together and I just slept it away. What a fool I am."

"Chris, don't look so constipated. It's ok. I was just kidding. Sleep as long as you want. I took care of breakfast in any case. I skipped the deli meat just so you know. It was a close call though, let me tell you. I stuck with a bag of "Crispy Crisps" I found under your bed. You really should do a better job of hiding your porn though..." Colin giggled again.

"Oh dammit... The last magazine I put there was 'Heat'. Not quite a gentle read for the young. Oh he must think I'm some sort of a sexual deviant, though not that that isn't how everyone else sees me anyway." I quickly ducked behind my pillow, my face as red as the fox's fur.

"Oh why are you so ashamed? It's so cool that you have these things. I wish I could but I'm not old enough to buy them yet." Colin said as I finally learned something about him. He had to be younger than eighteen it seems. It is as I had speculated.

"Really Colin? How old are you? My guess is you're probably seventeen." My curiosity finally gets quenched. Though I can't be curious like a cat, otherwise I'll just scare him into not talking. Nice slow easy questions Chris. Take it nice and slow and enjoy the moment.

"Good try but I'm actually sixteen. My slightly longer than normal ears make me seem older to people for some reason. At least that's my mother's theory anyway."

"Well it sounds like you have a very smart mother. Why is such a young fox not with his mom?"

"Too soon Chris. Too soon. Dammit he's never going to answer that."

"Well actually..." I could see pain whelming up in Colin. Something was wrong, and damn me for it but I have to know what.

"Are you okay Colin? What's wrong?"

"Chris. Everyone's going to know one day anyway, so I should start sharing with the wolf that saved my life. I'm gay..."

"Colin, you say it like it's a bad thing. It's ok. I'm gay too. There's nothing wrong with being gay."

"You have no idea how much I wish that my parents could see life like you do. I came out yesterday. I told my parents the truth about me and what I want from life, and all they did was tell me to get out. I have no where for me. I'm orphaned because my integrity sold for so little, but really that's all I have." Colin cried as he sat down on the couch.

"Oh Colin... I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I wish I did know what to say, but truth be told, I never even figured it out myself when I decided not to hide who I am and came out too, everyone trying to say I caused them pain when they never took the time to look at mine. If you want an ear of comforting experience, I'm not the right man to talk to. However, if you just need comfort I can provide that. I'm here for you." I confessed as Colin looked at me with glossy eyes, his breaths a little less sharp.

"Maybe I'm actually helping. Or maybe I'm confusing him. I just don't know. I do now see why he was in the water. I understand why now. He had nowhere to turn but to the end. No one ever gave him a second option. I learned my options after I tried killing myself after I came out too. Maybe he wants to have his second option given to him. I know that I wish someone had given it to me."

"Colin, I know it's not much but..." My heart was racing. I can't believe I was considering this, considering everything that he had told me, but damn me for having an appetite for stepping out of the ordinary.

"What's up Chris?" I could see the longing in the young fox's eyes for what I was thinking.

"How would you like to stay with me? I know it's all a bit sudden, but if you ever want to leave back home you could. I'd rather have it this way than anything bad happen to you again." I realized what I had said last after saying it.

"Bad? What are you thinking?" Colin gazed as I sat up, a little shame for my craving knowledge.

"Colin... Why were you in the water last night? What happened?"

Colin turned away from me and walked over to my window, somehow avoiding several clumps of clothing and a stack of drawing pads along the way. I could see the question almost making his body shiver in fear.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It doesn't change my offer. I would really like someday to hear the truth, but for now a smile and laugh can pay for your half of the rent this month." I smiled as Colin turned around, his smile so warming, his laugh reassuring.

"Thank you Chris. I would love nothing more than to stay with you in this death trap." Colin laughed harder. I died a little inside, but it's ok. "I'm just kidding but if you'll have me."

"It's all I've been thinking about actually. That and we need to get you some clothes. What you were wearing kind of tore in the rocks yesterday. It's my day off today. I think. It's not important. Anyway, let's head into town and find us some stuff for you. This should be fun."

"I can't believe it. Do I really have a roommate now? This is all a bit sudden, but I sure am enjoying the time."

"Really Chris? I can stay with you? No lies? I promise I'll get a job to help with the bills, though there's not much a market for my specifications yet. Anywho, is this for real?" The eager fox's tail was moving around in circles.

"Yeah. This is real. I think this'll be good. I've never had a roommate before. I have got to fill up the fridge now though." I couldn't help but kid with him.

"You are a good wolf Chris. I owe you so much." Colin said as he ran over and gave me a hug, his warm breath on my shoulder that sent a chill down my spine.

"You're welcome Colin." He pulled away as I looked into his eyes, radiance to them I had never seen before. I couldn't pull my eyes away.

"Well come on Chris. Let's go do some shopping. I need some underwear that's not soaked in ocean water." Colin said as he pulled down his pants slightly to reveal his underwear, his bulge in view of prying eyes. My eyes were moving again.

"Holy crap this kid is hot. Is he doing all this on purpose to get a rise out of me? It's working. I should stop staring. I just can't help it though." I was so lost in thought I could swear I saw him fondling himself. Damn over active imagination.

"You like what you see Chris?" There it was. He opened the door, and for once in my life I didn't know whether to walk in or not.

"What are you up too Colin? Are you trying to seduce me?" Damn me and sex...

"Chris, I just owe you so much. This is the only way I can think to repay you." My selfish thoughts left me as he approached me, his fur smelling of sea water and cookies. I couldn't let him do this. It felt wrong.

"Colin... You don't have to do that. As much as I would like to, I really don't think it would be right. I'd rather wait until it can mean something to the two of us you know." In the back of my head, I was screaming at myself, but my heart was in the right place for once.

"Really? I'll always hold you to that you know." Colin said as he buttoned back up, my heart in relief.

"I hope you do. Now, let's go get you some fox gear and me a pizza. I'm starving." I let out a breath, hoping my choice was the right one. Only time can tell it seems.