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I know some of you out there reading this know what it's like to be depressed. I'm not just talking about a one time deal where your girlfriend cheated on you with some douchebag. I'm talking about the kind of depression that doesn't seem to go away. And when it does, you feel really good for a very short amount of time. Then it comes back seemingly worse than before. That's the kind of depression I'm talking about. I'm sure there's a technical name for it, but I can't be bothered to find out.

It's been a week since I dug my claws into Luke's side when he tried to have sex with me. To tell the truth, I thought I was ready. I wanted to do it. When he tried though... It just brought back so much hurt. I blacked out for a while... What really brought me back to reality was Luke saying my name. I heard his voice through all the darkness and pain that I was re-experiencing. My dad really wants me to see a therapist about it. Not just the sex thing, but everything He thinks that a therapist can help me. I really hope he's right... But whoever it is will have to try hard if they want to help me.

The court date has been set. It'll be held in about two weeks. Dad wants me to talk to the therapist allot before then to help prepare. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be ready. Several times a week I'll wake up in a cold sweat because I had a dream about my leg being cut off, or because I saw that Alpha's sinister grin in the shadows of my mind. There's no stopping it. Luke will usually wake up when I do. He's a light sleeper. He'll hold me and calm me down and keep holding me long after I fall asleep again. I'll wake up to him holding me, and he's always awake before me. It makes me wonder if he even falls asleep. Judging by the shadows under his eyes I think not, but I haven't asked him. I'm afraid to ask. I don't want him to stop holding me when I have bad dreams. He keeps the demons at bay.

Right now I lay in bed with Luke. He's sitting up against the headboard of his bed holding me around the waist. He must have passed out from pure exhaustion before I woke up. For now I'll let him sleep. He needs rest. Besides, I like to feel the heat coming from his chest. It's soothing. Soothing that is, until Janet knocks on the door and enters in one swift move.

"Time to get up boys." She walks over to the window and draws the curtains open, letting in the blindingly bright light. "Tony, your first appointment is at ten thirty." She looks over to Luke and I. I can feel Luke's heartbeat quicken, signaling his awakening. Janet makes a face and says, "Aww, you two look so cute together..." She sighs in almost a sad way, taking only a moment to pause and stare off into space, before she walks back out of the room.

When Janet leaves Luke takes a deep breath and slowly breathes it out. He squeezes me tight then lets me go only after kissing my neck. I sit up and stretch my back, then roll my shoulders. Luke rubs the sleep out of his eyes. I'm not sure if he's noticed yet, but I can feel his morning wood against the small of my back. I slide forward as to not make him too horny before standing. While I dress, Luke realizes what's in between his legs. He pretends to stretch. Probably so he can take care of the problem himself when I leave the room. I crack my back, then leave to the bathroom so Luke can have his private time.

An hour and a half later Janet is singing along to the radio in the car as she drives to the therapist's office.

"Five one five ooh, somebody hgsfst the popo!"

She doesn't know all the words yet... But that doesn't stop her from singing loudly. Me and Luke sit together in the back of the car. I lean my head against his shoulder. He rests his chin on the top of my head. At the moment I'm in a sullen mood. Even the catchy song doesn't help. My mind is completely shut down. I can't focus on any one thing before my vision changes focus so it's always blurry. I can't conjure up a real train of thought. Any thought I get going just fades away. THAT is the state I'm in right now. It's the state I've been going in and out of for quite a while. But it's a little worse now because of this therapist. I'd like to say that I don't care about it. That I'm not very affected by it. But I am. You'll never get me to say it, but I'm scared. It seems silly really. To be scared of talking to a therapist. The very person people pay over a hundred dollars an hour to talk to and not be judged. But I can't help it. It's scary to have to open up like that.

"Y'all gotta hillbilly bone down deep inside, no matter if you're dumb you just can't die..." She still doesn't know all the words... Regardless we sit in the car at the office until the song ends. After we all discover our hillbilly bones we finally go inside. The waiting room has wooden walls and large comfy looking leather chairs. Janet goes up to the secretary sitting behind a large wooden desk at the farthest wall of the room. Luke and I sit in two of the chairs while Janet fills out the paperwork.

"Yes, I'm a family friend. The Goldenpaw's already called ahead to make sure I could get Tony set up."

"Of course. Can I see a picture ID?" Janet hands over her license. The secretary eyes Janet. "You're 140 pounds?" Luke comes from nowhere to put a paw over his mother's muzzle.

"Yes. She. Is." Luke eyes the secretary. She gets the hint and moves on.

"Okay, the doctor will be out in a minute for Tony." The secretary smiles as if nothing happened. This time Janet eyes the secretary before swiping her license from the desk and sitting at a seat next to Luke and I. Ten minutes later a door opens behind the secretary's desk. Out walks a female gazelle and a male tabby cat. The tabby cat wears a black suit and tie. The gazelle, a long sleeve shirt and pants. The gazelle appears to have been crying. She carries a tissue in one of her hooves. As the doctor bids his patient farewell, the gazelle freezes at the sight of me. Before she can cause a scene, the tabby leads the gazelle to the door.

"I'll see you next week, Stacy. And remember, they can't hurt you if they don't exist." The tabby cat closes the door behind the gazelle who was still trying to catch a glimpse of me. He claps his paws together. "Now! You must be Tony. My name is Dr. Libby. But you can call me Derrick." He holds out his paw for me to shake. I stare at it, but don't shake it. He seems like an okay guy, but I don't let anybody touch me unless I know them. And even then I have restrictions. Dr. Libby withdraws his paw, letting it run through his short hair. "Well then. If you'd like to come with me." He motions to the door he came out of with the gazelle. "Your friends will have to wait out here. They can come in later if you'd like, but for now I need to talk to you alone."

I nod slowly, then leave the safety of Luke's presence. The doctor follows me through the door to his office. There's a large leather armchair, and theres the chair that the patient lays on. There's a large window with a beautiful view, and a punching bag, and a plant in the corner. It's all wood and the lighting is low. A little easy listening music plays in the background. Jazz music.

"Take a seat." Dr. Libby sits in his chair and pulls a clipboard with a paper on it from next to the chair. I sit upright on the patients lounger. "Okay Tony. I'll remind you now that anything you say in this room, stays in this room. I can't legally tell anyone who doesn't have a court order. That includes your parents. So, that being said, tell me. What's on your mind?"

I stare at Dr. Libby. Almost as if I could see through his soul. The therapist doesn't bat an eye though. He just smiles warmly back at me. "Nothing... Or everything... I dunno." I look away, then lay down on the lounger so I look up to the ceiling.

"Care to elaborate?"

I pause and think. But I can't think straight. "I dunno. I just can't think right..."

"Mmmhmmmmm...." I hear some scribbling from Dr. Libby writing something. "You think you might be depressed, yes?"

"Yeah..." I know I'm depressed.

"I can write you a prescription for antidepressants. For now though, I'd like you to try and clear your mind. Do your hardest to focus on one subject. Any subject at all. You don't have to tell me about what you're thinking. Just think."

He's asking the impossible, but I'll try. Anything to help me think straight. But to start I need to think of a topic. What topic is there? I draw a blank. While trying to think of something I trace a line in the wooden ceiling with my mind. I just can't think of anything though. I decide to just stop trying. I focus on the calming music instead. I close my eyes and relax. Slowly my mind calms down. Like, all the feelings and thoughts that had been clouding my mind making it impossible to think had started to clear out.

I still can't think of anything myself, but my mind starts to bounce around to ideas. Random ideas. Like the wood on the ceiling being similar to the wood in the dining room. The music reminding me of a funky type song that Janet likes to sing to. Then my mind jumps somewhere it shouldn't. You see, the scent of the exhaust from a passing truck floating in through the window reminded me of the streets. When I ran away from Luke. The memory all starts coming back. Feeling cold and alone. Lost in a concrete jungle. I open my eyes.

"It looks like you chose the wrong subject to think about, Tony. Are you okay?"

I sigh. Nothing will be the same. Ever. Even when I can think a little I can't get my head out of the clouds. Out of the bad places. I get up and make my way toward the door, wiping a few tears on my way. Dr. Libby stands and stops me by the shoulder. Immediately, without thinking, I grap his paw and twist it so his arm ends up behind his back. It all happens really fast. I snap back to reality and let go of Dr. Libby.

"Tony, you're safe here. Nothing can hurt you."

"Nothing that can be seen." I walk out without another word. I walk right out of the entire building. Luke and Janet try to talk to me but I ignore them. Dr. Libby stops them and explains that I'll be fine. That I'm just getting bad thoughts. That they should bring me back for the next appointment after I calmed down. I sit in the car and wait, doing my best to not let the tears bubble up. I lean against the window in the back seat and close my eyes, just trying to get the thoughts out of my head. Maybe it is better if I can't think. If I can't feel. That way I can't feel pain.

The door on the other side opens, then closes as Luke gets in. He doesn't say anything. He just slips an arm around me and hugs me. It brings back bad memories, but I hold onto Luke really tight anyway. I hold onto him until the bad memories go away. I don't want to push away the only person who's made me feel safe. We sit there for a good ten minutes simply holding each other tightly. I cry. Despite trying to stop it, I cry. Luke's fur gets wet from it. Once I calm down enough I start feeling tired. Not enough to sleep, but tired. I loosen my grip, so Luke does all the holding. A few minutes later Janet gets in the car and drives us home. Not a single word is said. The ride is silent. When we get back, Luke and I cuddle on the couch and watch TV while Janet makes lunch. Still, nothing is said. And I appreciate it. I don't want anyone talking about it. Not yet.

Once lunch is done we sit down at the table. Janet serves us hamburgers and potato salad. I notice that for some reason all the blinds are pulled on the windows in the kitchen. Just a random thing. I notice stuff like that every once in awhile. I think it's odd since it's a nice, overcast day. I shrug it off and eat. As usual, Janet's food tastes great. Before we're done eating though we hear a loud sound outside one of the windows. Like a branch falling against the siding. Janet tells us it's probably nothing, but I don't think so. I get up and go to the window to check.

"Tony, sit down. I'm sure it's nothing, dear..." She sounds as if she didn't want me to look out the window. When I do part the blinds I find out why. There's an orca type fur with a camera laying on the ground holding his head. But that's not all. The little bit of the street I can see has a few news vans parked on the side. There's about ten other furs taking pictures and video of me peeking out. But that's not all. Far from it. I go to the door and open it. The entire street has vans, cars, and other vehicles parked along the side. There has to be a good fifty or sixty furs out there with cameras of all shapes and sizes. Some are news crews, and some are just civilians. All of a sudden the crowd moves toward me, all shouting different questions.

"Tony! TONY! Can you tell us how it feels to get back into a normal life?"

"Tony! Who are these people you're staying with in relation to you?"

All of the sudden, before any of the news people can get to me, Luke puts an arm around my waist and pulls me inside. He closes the door behind us and hugs onto me tight. One arm around my waist, the other holding on to my chest. He can feel how fast my heart is beating. How fast I'm breathing.

"Shhh. Shhh. It's okay. They can't hurt you." Luke consoles me as best he can. He guides me away from the door. Janet is on the phone and I can see flashing red and blue lights through the window. Luke brings me to his room and lays me down. He lays next to me and hugs me. By this time I'm calmed down more. Enough to find my voice.

"Why? How?"

"They followed us from the therapist. We've been able to keep your location a secret up until now... The world wants an update. They thirst for news like vultures."

Why me... I want to leave this behind, but it keeps coming back. I just want it all to end...