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"Fyedka was your friend." The other half reasoned. "He held you down. He marked you as his."

"But he was always there. He was like a brother to you."

"He burned you alive."

"He didn't mean to."

"He FUCKED you. Made you HIS."

I shook my head and wiped a tear off my muzzle. I was hiding behind a tree at the very edge of what used to be my territory. My thoughts were a whirl of bad feelings and rage. Half of me wanted to rip my best friend to shreds, spill his blood on the grass, force him to offer me his throat. But another half remembered the old Fyedka, and how he protected me and made me feel better when I was confused or hurt. And still another half of me wanted to find a lake. It wanted to dive underwater, and lay on the bottom forever, hiding from Fyedka, and Anechka and Sasha and God... forever. I trembled and felt cold, even though a warm spring night was descending on the forest. Shame, fear, confusion, anger, and a pleading sense, and idiot voice in the back of my head begging me to forgive Fyedka... I could barely handle it.

I pushed off of the tree and stood up. I could almost see the caves from where I stood. The sun was almost compeltely gone from the sky, but I knew that soon, everyone would be heading inside for their much needed rest. I sighed and turned away, shaking. I could barely force myself to stay this close to what used to be my home. Maybe everyone was right. I wasn't an alpha. I was a faker. A liar. A Joke. I was a coward. A runt.

A knot formed in my throat and I coughed, praying no one heard me. I slunk down against the tree and ran a paw over my ear. What was I to do? My thoughts went out to Sasha, bleeding and crying in the arms of my Anechka, who would never love me back. My world was falling apart. I shook my head. Had I not come here to set things right? The entire reason I left was to settle my score with Fyedka. But now my fear was overpowering my anger. I felt ashamed.

And then, I felt my father, standing next to me. His powerful frame looked exactly as I remembered it the day I died. Even as he said his final words, his face was strong and proud. My father, the legend... He put his paw on my shoulder, and looked at me, not with the piercing gaze I knew so well, but with a gentle look. A soft look. He knelt by my side, and put his muzzle against my ear, and I shook, convinced I was breaking down. "I love you, and I always have. You were my son, and I will always love the wolf you are, and the wolf you might become. I've never seen a wolf with more courage in my life. Of all my sons... I belive in you, Avram. I have faith in you."

My body curled up, and I sobbed quietly into my own fur. Those were my father's last words to me. I don't know what brought them to my mind, but even as I crouched trying to hide within myself, the words struck a certain warmth in me. I looked at the rising moon, and took a deep breath. I wiped the tears from my muzzle again and stood up. I was my father's son. Avram was a wolf. I was once the alpha male. I still quivered, but as I approached the cave, I took control of myself. Every fiber in my body told me to run, but I could still feel my father's paw on my shoulder. The wolf inside of me refused to leave. I found the main chamber empty, but I could hear heavy panting.

I crouched low to the ground and cocked an ear, sneaking carefully across the floor. I could a low moan from the alpha's chambers, and my body tensed up. I struck a pitiful figure in the low light of the dying fire. A wolf that had to sneak around his own den. Pathetic. I crept toward my old quarters, easing along the wall like an ashen shadow, my ears cocked and my muscles tensed. I could hear panting, heavy sighs, and low howls in the night. I could smell the scent of lust in the air, and my blood slowly turned to ice. With great hesitation, I forced myself to look around the natural wall leading into my chambers.

What I saw nearly stopped my heart. There was Rifka, bent double, her tail raised and her body quivering and tensing as Fyedka's large black form thrust into her, causing her to squeal and writhe in pleasure. Fyedka's body was sweating, his fur slick with his effort and his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth like a pleased puppy. I felt a small pang of envy for Fyedka. Not once in our entire mateship had Rifka ever let me mount her from behind. I watched them, groaning and caressing each other, Rifka throwing pleading glances back at Fyedka, and Fyedka... staring. Strangely staring into the walls of the cave. As if he were somehow distracted. Rifka's pleasure was dripping down her thighs and pooling on the floor, and she pleaded with Fyedka for more. She begged him to work faster, harder. Fyedka's only reply was a low grunt.

The sight made me sick. Fyedka was mounting Rifka, my rightful mate just as he had mounted me. As I watched, I couldn't help but imagine myself bent onto my knees, claws digging into the floor, my tail wrenched high. I could feel him at my back, hot breath on my neck, his iron paws gripping my hips like a vice. Pure, utter power. Raw Domination. Complete primal ownership. Fyekda owned Rifka's body as well as mine, and with only one difference between us. Rifka howled in pleasure. I howled for mercy. Rifka howled and moaned in orgasm, her body bucking in time, riding herself on what I knew must have been bliss for her. My gut clenched as she thanked him, praised him, hailed him as a God. Fyedka, to his credit, said nothing, and continued to pound his wolfhood inside of her, her thighs matted with the fruit of his efforts. I could see his knot swelling, and my body ached with the memory. Still, I could not turn away.

Soon, it was over, and Fyekda howled to the ceiling, wrapping his strong body around Rifka's snow-white frame. I could smell his seed pouring into her, filling her in a way I was never able to match. A long strand forced it's way out of her mound and dripped to the floor, and Rifka sighed in grateful release. But still, her ears perked, and so did mine. There was something awfully strange about that howl. My eyes widened in sick realization, and whipped around, a look of utter shock on her face.

"What... what did you just say?" Rifka's voice was shakey.

"I... I didn't say anything. Forget it."

"I heard you. I heard you say it."

"Rifka, just leave it alone, I didn't--"

"Were you thinking about him? The entire time? Were you... were you fantasizing??"

"Rifka, please, calm down, it doesn't--"

"You were! You didn't even look at me once!"

"Rifka, you're all I have now. Please, calm down, I wasn't thinking of anyone."

"My name..." Rifka stood up, her entire body shivered with rage. "Is not fucking AVRAM."

Fyedka pushed himself onto his footpads, rising to his full height. I had forgotten how tall he was. "I mean it Rifka. It didn't mean anything."

"My God... every time. Every time! You never once said my name! You never once even looked. You didn't care at all, did you?" Rifka shook her head in disbelief, and I saw her brow furrow in embarassment. "Why? I thought you... I thought you loved me! I gave myself to you! I let you have me every way you wanted. I worshipped you... my alpha." She shook bitterly. "My LOVER." Rifka spat.

"Listen to me! You're my mate, now. Nothing is going to change that."

"Why would you even compare me?" Rifka stared up into Fyekda's eyes directly, pleading with him. "He's stupid, he's worthless, he's weak, he's male and he's DEAD."

I didn't even see Fyekda move his paw before dark red sprayed into the dim light. Rifka yelped in surprise and clutched her muzzle in pain. Fyekda's fur bristled and he bared his teeth. "Don't you EVER talk about him like that. Avram was an infinitely better wolf than you'll ever be!" She shook and gritted her teeth. Her voice was bitter.

A look of realization crossed his face, and Fyekdka covered his muzzle. Rifka's eyes widened. "You... you..." Fyekda's paw shot out and grabbed her shoulders.

"Rifka, I--"

She struggled in his grip. "Let go of me! The others need to know! You'll be disgraced for this! Kicked out!"

Fyedka gripped her tightly, only barely managing to hang onto her powerful form. "Don't! Rifka, let me explain!"

"Explain? What is there to explain?" She spat in his face and Fyedka winced, but kept his grip. "You're a goddamn tail raising whelp! You didn't even deserve Sasha!"

That was the final straw for Fyedka. With a grunt, he shoved Rifka backwards, and the she wolf barely managed to keep her balance. "What do you know, you heartless bitch?? What do you know about anything?"

"I know why Sasha left." Rifka muttered darkly. I felt my gut clench up and I shivered, transfixed by the scene before me. Rifka put her paw on the wall steadying herself. Within an instant, she was charging toward Fyedka, leaping at him and tackling him to the ground. Snow white fur mingled with pitch black fur, and in the darkness, a sickening snap resounded, echoing across the entire cave. Coughing, Fyedka pushed himself to his knees. Even in the dim light I could see tears running down his face as he nudged Rifka's body.

She didn't move. He felt her chest. Nothing. Fyedka's face widened in fear, and he looked guiltily around the room. Pulling Rifka's body onto his shoulders he dashed out of the room, towards the mouth of the cave. He ran right by me. For a long time, I shivered in the darkness. It was the coldest I've ever felt.

In the early morning light, I left. No one saw me. Silent as the night, I walked, deep in the forest. I didn't care where I ended up, but I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders. I thought a lot about Fyedka, about his orgasmic howl, and how even though he believed me dead, he stood up for me, and his son. Without a moment's hesitation.

I thought about Rifka. She couldn't even respect my memory, though I did feel partly responsible for her death. It made me ache to think of her, and I could almost feel her blunt claws raking across my muzzle in punishment, but a nagging part of me insisted that, had I revealed myself, I might have saved her life. Again, my cowardice had kept me still, and again, one of my wolves was dead for it. My mate died because I was afraid. The thought made me nauseaus. I stopped several times to vomit into the snow.

I could feel my eyes stinging, and my body grow weak. I walked blindly in the forest and eventually curled up by a tree to sleep. In my dreams, I saw dark visions. I could see a wolf drowning in a river, fighting to keep his head above the raging torrent. I saw a pup, sitting alone on the forest floor, pining for it's mother. I could her Fyedka's voice, sobbing for me to return, and I watched Rifka pick the child up in her teeth, and walk slowly back into the darkness.

I could see a red meadow in the middle of a group of tall trees, black figures rising up out of the flowers to claw at my body, which couldn't move. The mass of black wolves was beaten back by a sharp rain, and bloody fangs fell from the sky. They all resembled the fang missing from my own mouth, and I could feel a breeze blowing from behind me. It lifted me up, and threw me into a a sea of black fur, and as I lay on top of the black fur, several white paws shot up out of it. They gripped my arms and legs, and dragged me down, down, down. Black fur filled my mouth, my nose, my eyes, and I choked, fighting to breathe. I could feel my lungs filling with black fur, and I woke up, yelping in fear and shock.

I woke with the sun shining down on my face, poking it's way through thick clouds. The day was dark and grey, but a little sun managed to force it's way down to my eyes. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my arms and curling up. I felt so cold, and so alone. I shouldn't have left Sasha and Anechka like that. I don't know what I was thinking, leaving them all alone. I shook my head. Stupid Avram.

I stood up in the snow. If I was going to pine over my failure, I could at least do it in good company. I breathed a heavy sigh and started walking back. The wind picked up and whipped through the trees, all around me, shoving me back as I walked. I put my head down and walked harder, a sudden and sharp pain racing up my face. I covered what I could with my paws and kept walking, miles and miles through the forest. My muzzle hurt like Rifka had hit me again, and even though she was gone, a cruel piece of me was happy I'd never feel those blunt claws rake against the bridge of my muzzle again.

It was a long walk, and it was almost night again when I finally arrived at a familiar smell. Anechka, and Sasha, and... me. It really was beginning to smell like home, save for Sasha and the smell of his blood. I walked right up to the pair of them, Anechka's body curled protectively around Sasha, who lay quivering and broken in her arms. I felt a small surge of envy. I would have given anything to be in her paws like that.

"I'm back." I whispered to the wind. Anechka's ears flicked toward me and her eyes opened, though made no difference. She sat up, Sasha still in her arms. She laid him gently on the soft grass, and we both stood watching him a while, his little chest heaving with every breath. It was almost pitiful to look at him. Though I knew Anechka was a fantastic healer, I couldn't expect much change in Sasha's condition. Anechka looked into the forest.

"Where did you go?" She whispered.

"Home."

"... I was worried. Sasha woke up once. He said he smelled you. He said he missed you, wished you weren't dead. He broke a lot of bones."

"I'm sorry I left." My voice caught in my throat. It was getting hard to talk. Anechka's lips curled into a snarl, and even though she wasn't looking at me, I felt like a frightened puppy again.

"Next time you leave..." I could tell she was trying to keep her voice low and soft. "You tell me. I thought you left me alone. I thought you abandoned me." She turned her head toward the sound of my apologetic whine. "I thought you couldn't bear to see Sasha again. I thought you left me alone because you were scared."

"I'm here, aren't I?" My voice was quavering.

She relaxed slightly. "You did come back... I'm sorry, I was just so worried... I was worried sick. I became so afraid that you hated me or something..." I could see tears brimming in her sightless eyes. "I know it's irrational, but that's what I thought. But I do... I need to know."

"I... ah... I left because I needed to settle something." I fiddled with my paws. I could tell where this conversation was going.

"You needed to see Fyedka and Rifka again."

"I... did. Yeah."

"Did you make things right between you? Between your pack?"

"Ah... no."

Anechka's voice darkened with worry. "Avram..."

I shook my head and sat down on a rock, pulling Anechka with me, by her paw. My voice was a shivering whisper as I told her that I didn't see most of my pack. That I met not one wolf. I told her how I hid by the tree, and how my father came, and repeated his last words. I told her about how I snuck into the cave. I told her about Rifka and Fyedka, and she cringed visibly. Her ears flattened and her face curled into a half-snarl, and even I could hear the anger in my voice rising. I told her how betrayed I felt, how angry with Fyedka I was. I told her how Rifka loved every second, and I told her how Fyekda didn't even seem to notice.

But Anechka's ears perked, and her eyes went wide when I told her about Fyedka's release. Her ears flattened and the anger drained out of her face. She listened quietly when I told her about the fight with Rifka, and how Fyekda begged her not to make a big deal out of it. Eventually, I told her about Rifka's final words, and how she leaped at Fyekda. For a minute, she stayed silent and looked at me. Eventually, she whispered.

"Avram. I don't think you're a coward."

I wondered briefly what she was talking about. "A coward?"

"But you need to go back and talk to him."

"Why?' I whispered back, a little bit angry. "What favors do I owe that lunatic? That murderer?"

"He's lonely, Avram. He needs you."

"Did I not just tell you what happened to Rifka? How can you tell me to go make peace with that?"

"He didn't mean it. What he did to Rifka. Just like he didn't mean to do what he did to you."

"Even so, what would I accomplish? He's the alpha now, and he's easily bigger than me. I'm only going to get myself killed."

"He's lonely. He misses you."

"So you're saying I should forgive him? Just let him go for what he did to me? For what he did to Rifka? Are you insane!?" My voice was climbing in pitch and shaking. I was confused. "Anechka, he's a murderer! A wolf killer."

She shook her head sadly, but her voice rose to a soft growl. "All I'm saying.... is that I know how he's feeling."

"I can't go back. I won't. It's sick. I'll live here with you and Sasha. We'll be a good pa--"

"Do you even care about the rest of your pack?" Her voice was sharp, and it hit me like a claw to the chest. "Do you even care about what happens to them? They were barely staying alive when you left them. How much better are they under Fyedka?" I shuddered at the name. " They're your wolves. They were your fathers wolves, and you're their alpha. Regardless of what they think of you, regardless of what happened, you're not the kind of wolf that stands by and watches others die."

My heart clenched shut like a vice, and I suddenly felt cold, like I had been thrust into a freezing lake. It made me sick. Rifka's brow narrowed around unseeing eyes.

"You think you're a coward? You think you're alone? You think you're disgusting? What does Fyedka think? Avram, there's something I should tell you."

I stood silent for a little while. "... What?"

"The wolf who blinded me? My alpha male?"

"I know."

"Do you know what Anya's father did to him?"

My ears cocked.

"Anya's father was afraid for me. She told him about me, and he left immediately. Blood was still running down my muzzle, and I couldn't smell anything, but I heard it. I heard him bark something, and the alpha responded. So quiet, my ears were ringing. He said 'She needed to learn her place.' And then, like the entire world went quiet, I heard his voice. A whisper, a shout in the darkness. He said..."

"... Anechka."

"You have no right." She shuddered, and stood still for a while. "That's what he said. 'You have no right.' I heard the sound of fur hitting the ground, and a ripping noise." I heard a small sob, and my fur bristled. "He ripped out our Alpha's throat. The pack cast him out for it. Anya cried and cried."

"And... you left."

"Yes. I took her father away, what else could I do? I left because she hated me."

"... Oh." I felt a little stupid. Oh. All my mouth would let me say. Oh.

"Stay with us tonight. Go back in the morning. Do it for me, alright?"

"Alright." I said. Fair enough.

In the silence, I could hear Sasha utter a muffled whimper.